2013 bye bye

     Writing this from my hospital room, I may even be here tomorrow at midnight when 2014 comes rushing in. I admit I will be upset. Not that I was going anywhere, but would be nice to be in my own bed when all is done. Although this bed here has this really cool traction bar with a chain bar attached which off course my mind wanders and thinks of cool ways to use this , hehe. I'm so naughty but hey, I will be the same in 2014, so get used to it ☺️
     I am not going to focus on negative, I am going to work to make 2014 the way I want it to be. And that's what is my focus, no resolutions I will break I a day. Just to move forward and better myself as I can. Got to work for things right? So I will work.  I'm trying to sleep but can't , so I'm jumping on here to wish everyone a fabulous 2014
      That's it and I'm sure there will be some sappy blog tomorrow. Lol. So ciao for now peeps. Until next year 😜

Being Sick Blows! And not The Fun Way

My temperature has looked like a bad NASDAQ. 101.4, 100.8, 100.2, climbing back to 101.4 and now 101.6.  I am sitting here in bed as hubs is asleep ( a rare thing I don't want to disturb). I am so uncomfortable, but oddly my cat us lying next to me and her fur feels so good on my skin. I love the feel of fur on my skin. I used to have a fur mitt, it was used in amour (teehee) just to rub your partner down. It's very sensual, and I like the feel. It wasn't anything more than relaxing and went well with wine. Lovely way to end a passion filled evening. God, even sick I'm a horndog! Not really but I feel cranky, like I want to cuddle but not get hubs sick too. Maybe one of those body pillows, that might work. Spray it with cologne and sink into it. 😉☺️
     Oh I just took a quiz that us supposed to tell you where you are from. I got New York! Spot on, hoe about that. Lol. Okay I'm getting delerious. I so need to sleep but - not happening! Sigh.  Well peeps have a fabulous Friday. Xx

Well The Hoopla Is Over, For Now. 😊

     Well Christmas is over, Boxing Day is over, only thing next is week is New Years. I'm looking forward to 2014, so many things to look forward too. I'm sorry if my last post was mean, but I'm feeling like shite. It's now half 8 in the evening, and my temperature is still 101.4, I'm uncomfortable. I am watching tv and hanging on Facebook but bored! Two friends facetimed me today and that was really nice, I really enjoyed that. I'm hoping to go in tomorrow but if I have a fever I'm calling my manager to get her view. I don't like taking off, I enjoy my job.
     Oh peeps I hope to chat with several of you tomorrow, but right now I'm going to bed. I'm very sleepy, I'm medicated up too. So ciao for now. Xx😷

Christmas

     Glad it's over. Didn't get to speak to people I wanted to. Hope they wanted to speak with me. I'm sick, I'm wheezing, coughing. Day was fine, always nice, but all in all I'm glad this Christmas is over. Yes I'm in a bad mood, I'll be fine tomorrow but right now I'm just irritated. Ciao For Now

Here We Go Again.

     Well I'm in hotel again, the hot water heater hubs bought is not the correct connection, or something like that. So he got us a room for tonight. I don't mind as the bed is better than ours and someone else cooks breakfast. Lmao I tell all of you peeps, this year is ending on a not so great note for so many people I know. I'm actually okay, I mean I would love my friends near me and have hot running water but in the grand scheme, to stomp my foot over these issues would make me the spoiled brat. I have 2 friends who lost parents just this month. I have several friends who are realizing  the men they live may not be the right one and in one case definitely not. Another who is calling it quits. Does this happen so that the rest of us get a kick in the arse, letting us know that maybe it's not bad, or at least not as bad as we think.
     I can nitpick, a lot, oh yes I can. But in comparison to last year, I'm golden. This year I am not in hospital, I don't have antibiotics running through my veins. I am relatively healthy, and looking forward to some wonderful things. I am planning to make my dreams come to fruition one at a time. I am going to try, try I said, to not worry about things I have no control over. I know I will win this and lose this both. But going to try.
     I wish I could make all my friends lives perfect, but I realize that's not my place. My place as a friend is to listen, let them know I love and care for them and am here should they need to cry, vent, scream or have an ear that is not going to judge them. Offer advice maybe, with the understanding that it's free and worth every penny. Or tuppence lol (inside giggle. I hope lmao) it can get better and if we have no bad, how would we know we have it good.
      I am being brought a cup of tea right now, I am very appreciative because a cup of tea makes you relax and think a bit more clearly. ☕️ Personally I'm in a decent holding pattern. Not much other than the heater issue. I just cut all my nails off. I was letting the tips I had put on grow out and I didn't get a fill. I'm going to grow the tips off so my nails stay strong. Whenever I have removed them, my nails are weak then break. Not this time. So right now I have my real nails with little burgundy tips. Looks funny, but who cares. It's going to be my mark for now. Oh look, there's Mary, her nails look odd but interesting. I can hear it now. Lmao
      Well peeps, I'm out of here. Hope your weekends were great. Let me know if you want. No one really replies anymore and you know how much I live comments, BWAHAHA   Ciao For Now

The Christmas Post

     Sometimes I try to make believe I'm that heroine in those chick flicks, sitting in my perfectly messy apartment. Those that are messy but look perfect. When I try to do this, it just looks messy! Lol Well Christmas is almost here, when did this happen? This year is ending and the end is coming soon. I can finally say I'm going into the new year with things crossed off my bucket list, well not a lot of things but even one would be better than ever, and this is at least a solid 3. Lmao

     I have been on the receiving end of a pay it forward, it was such a nice experience and I've never had it happen. I told you all, the lady in front of us paid for our meal. I still need to do my own pay if forward.
     I went to hold the inner door for someone, while he was holding the outer door for me, as we both laughed in the little vestibule of a restaurant. We both stretched out for the other door and then thanked each other. I'm finding people are smiling more. What is it about this season that makes people smile? On the other hand, what is it about this season that makes others so sad. Funny thing is I think it's the same reason.  Family, the being with those we love makes us so happy, and sharing and giving gifts, laughing with them, is the reason. There are many though, who have no family, no loved ones, and so there is no one to share or laugh with. They feel lost.  I personally feel a bit of each. I mean yes I love those I know, and want to laugh and share and exchange gifts with, but I'm not there in person. New York, Maine, Florida,  England, France, and Australia. I have friends in all theses places yet I'm not going to be there for Christmas. That makes me sad, yet I'm happy to be able to send them love and hugs in the form of presents. Hopefully they will think of me and know they matter to me. But again as much as I get sad not being there with them, they are there. The people I really mean are those that have no one. They either live alone, or in shelters or homes. Families are gone or choose not to know them. They have lost the ones they love for whatever reason. The sadness that is there always just seems a little sadder when everyone is celebrating around them. I give to several shelters, both human and animal. But I am one person. I wonder, how much difference I can make? Not much I know, but I'm still going to try. I wrote out a bunch of cards today that are being mailed out to Walter Reed Hospital. It's a veterans administration hospital filled with those men and women, who were injured overseas. Some of these soldiers have lost limbs, and worse, their will to go on. So does a thank you and merry Christmas card really mean anything to them? I don't know, but if  it cheers up a person who us down due to injuries or what have you, then it's a good thing. I would like to donate time, but you need to fill out forms and interview, if you can believe that?

     Christmas is felt and not bought. Each bow is a hug, each gift a kiss, and the price doesn't matter. It's the intent behind it, the thought that someone took time to remember you. I know some of my gifts fall flat on their proverbial asses! But I think my intent comes through. 

       I find it interesting that in the darkest days of the year (northern hemisphere really ) that people of different faiths all gather around the same time, to mark the return of the light. It's a magickal time of year.   I wish all of you who read my blog, blessings, good times, laughter, and love of family and friends.  Ciao for now everyone and speaking on my beliefs, I wish you all a GOOD YULE!

As It Was

     Well , this is amusing, to me at least.  If you didn't read it, our hot water heater broke. So hubs is going to fix it. This will take a few days. So tonight we got a hotel room. This way after being ill, I can have a nice hot bath, and wash my hair. Just for tonight though as it should be righted in a few days. I can heat up water to wash up, but if it goes more than that I will just shower at the gym doing the hair again. So this time I am not hooked up to a picc line getting antibiotics, oddly enough I am in the same room as before. So as I twirl my glass, watching the orange peel go round and round, I hear the ice machine in the hall. I'm downing the last sip of my rum, thankfull for the upcoming new year and all the new things I'm going to do and see.
     I probably shouldn't have had the rum considering I haven't eaten much today and I'm feeling lovely floaty.  Wish I was out with friends right now, enjoing my buzz. Ah well. Lol. Shutting down now so ciao for now.

Surprises

    Love them, right? Not all are good. Let's see didn't get to NY as weather was bad but that turned out okay, as I got bloody sick! Stomach thing from out of the blue? So weekend spent very close to home, if you know what I mean. Ick! Well let's see,  it gets even better. Our hot water heater died. So tomorrow I get to shower at the gym. I never really needed a gym bag as I go home after doing my circuit but hey I'm good with new things.  Lol.  I really need to get to ups tomorrow or Tuesday the latest. Must ship, must ship. 🎁🎁 how was I so ahead and then so far behind?  Silly bunny me! Oh well. Despite all this I'm in a good mood. Let's be real,  this time last year I was in a hospital room. I'm not this year, and I'm down 2 full dress sizes, 3 if it's a better end store! I have my health and those I love. So I'm real good!
      Hope you all had great weekends, I'm off to sleep as it's an early rise tomorrow. Ciao for now.

GUTTED!

     Not in NY but Mother Nature is not cooperating. Later peeps- sigh

I Really Should Get To Sleep

     I have work in the morning and I will be driving myself. As much as it was nice getting driven around town, it put a serious dent in my Christmas prep. I have to pick things up, ship things off, and I'm sitting here at 20 min to 1am, not able to sleep. Thoughts like, will I get this all done, will I get the work party flyers out, how did I gain 5lbs? I know it will get done, flyers will be done and I know damn well how it got there. Too many "oh I made these you must try one " cookies from co-workers along with gym closing early and all day due to weather. Back to gym tomorrow after work, I miss it. Oh god did I say that? Hahaha  I am okay with a few pounds over the holiday, but I don't want to lose the gym schedule, as that should keep me even. I bought fiber powder that you take as a supplement with meals. It's supposed to help you feel fuller, I looked it up. The one I got is the main ingredient in a pill that people are swearing helps lose inches but those pills are expensive. So I got this, if it fills me up I'm happy. There is no magic pill, but if I feel fuller, eat my good foods and work out, well can't hurt me. I'll let you know if I see any difference. Ah the holidays, I'm not stressed but just a bit anxious. Lol
     Next, oh man, ever text something, and then think, oh I hope they get how I meant that. Did that this evening, and I hope he knows I was trying to be funny, but I'm fretting that it may seem petty. Fuck, see I do this. Ack, I do before thinking. Always have, been burnt, but I slip sometimes and just do it again.
     Well another short blog, I need to get to bed. I'll give you bigger ones I promise.  So as always ciao for now

People Can Still Amaze Me

        I've already said this on Facebook. Tonight the hubs and I were at a very bad for you taco place. He wanted burritos and I got a naked taco salad. Well when we got up to the window to pay, we were told no need. The guy told us the woman in front if us had paid for it and told him to wish us a Merry Christmas. A "Pay It Forward" moment. I was so touched, it wasn't the amount, it was the gesture. We get so caught up in the holiday crazy, that it's just nice to be reminded of what matters.  Doing a kindness without expecting anything back.  I don't know why she chose us but bless her for doing it.
     It capped off a snowy lazy work day and for me that can cause me to think of things I shouldn't. Oh peeps this girl was thinking some fun naughty things. And I will leave it at that. Lmao
I got my tree at work today and it's quite cute. It needs balls though. I've got to pick up some little ones soon.  I can't believe how soon Chrimbo is. I must ship gifties.  I was so ahead then snow came. Looks pretty but not good for shopping as hubs took me to work these past few days.
     Well it's almost half eleven. And before I turn into a pumpkin I'm going to say ciao for now

This The Season

     You know what really creams my corn? People who you have known for over 20 years, for some reason have no time fir you. You have called, left messages, texted, and on a day like your birthday they can't even be bothered to say happy birthday. But then they text you a happy birthday saying they were out of range, yet their other half was on there several times. Someone you have purposely traveled for. Been supportive in their endeavors and for some reason they have stopped being in contact with you. Not even a phone call. Ever! I know I sound trite and bitchy. But you know what, it is my fault perhaps. Maybe I am too over the top, hell no maybe about it, I am over the top. It's easy to leave when you're not there. It hurts. I admit that now, it really fuckin hurts...sigh....  Tidings of comfort and joy right?    I want all you friends to tell me if and how I annoy you - please!
      I will say I do like the snow, but not a fan of the ice though. See I have things to ship out and I can't get to where I need to go if I don't have the ability to get there. These must ship out so they are received by Christmas. Hubs and I are going out for Christmas or the eve, depends when we go to the in-laws. That will be fun. Going to NY this weekend to see my dad and some friends. Unfortunately I need to give one of them hugs and love as her mother passed away on Saturday. Sad, so sad.
      Well guys I need to get you all a blog worth reading, it will happen soon. I'm going to sleep early as more snow coming. So until then, ciao for now.
   

If You Don't Want It Raw, Maybe You Shouldn't Care

     Today was the calm before the storm, literally. It's almost 2am, about 6 hours from now the snow is supposed to start. Not bad really, about 3" but and this but is the kicker. It's all going to turn to sleet then icy rain. So I am not going anywhere tomorrow. I got all my gifties wrapped today, but they need to be shipped. I am going to have to Fed Ex I think as they are heavy. I am concerned about customs charges. Post office doesn't do that but I need one item especially to be really wrapped well, as it's glass. It's the hols, so I am thrilled to be able to get things for those I love. The odd thing is today, as much as I was happy in wrapping each gift, as my Christmas music blared from my Ipod, it was later in the day I was just as sad. I don't know why exactly. I feel like I'm losing Christmas a little. THAT would be a personal tragedy. I so love this time of year, but I just don't know. I've been crying on & off all night. Keeping to myself actually. I had a good laugh with the hubs earlier, was nice, but I have my headphones on tuning the world out. Maybe I just need it. I was eying my rum again but decided against it. Hubs is not having a good night and I can't afford not to be at 100% of my senses. Should I need to drive somewhere tonight. Hope not, so far so good. I can only be here, I can't help, SUCKS!
     So peeps, I am going to try and sleep, so until tomorrow I say Ciao For Now

Listen To The Rhythm Off The Falling Rain

     Well it's an hour til the Witching hour hits. I'm sitting here after a quite enjoyable calm night. A nice meal and catching up on my episodes of The Voice tv show. And now we have low lights on and I am indulging in a most excellent glass of  Pryat rum. Thank you again! 😘 I took my friends advice, and used the skin from an orange to rub the oils around the top of my new "rocks" glass. I filled the glass with ice cubes and rum and the flavor of the rum combined with the oil of the orange is making my mouth and throat very happy, as well as relaxing my body with a warm feeling. The rain is making music on the windows and it's just a lovely calmness I'm feeling right now. Bit ""floaty" if that makes sense. I would love to share this with the gentleman who sent this to me, some cool jazz in the background and most excellent talk, would round out a fab night. One day I will, as well as share with his family. For now though I am lost in my moment. Sharing it with all of you.

     It ends a rather good work day. We decorated our office, and the tree looks nice and bows all around. My little tree will arrive Tuesday. I think it will be my only tree this year I think. We have 2 nice ones in the storeroom but hubs is not a big fan of Christmas. I know seems impossible, but years of struggling as a young teen, kind of put the frown on, as the December days wind down. Now me, well fuck we all know I'm as giddy as a kid at Christmas.  This year though I don't want to argue it so all my holiday will be at work. Going to decorate my desk, then of course my in-laws decorate and have a huge tree. We go there so I share in their tree ☺️So not too shabby. 

     I'm headed into the office in the morning, I know Saturday! But I need to wrap gifts and they are there and the post office is close, so makes sense right? Lol

     Well my glass of rum is almost gone and I want to enjoy the last few mouthfuls quietly, so I'm saying as always, ciao for now. 

Unexpected Pleasure

     It was a decent day, but very busy. I was anxious to get home, and when I did, I was treated by a package sent to me and the hubs. It contained such glorious elixirs. Two of them I have been wanting to try. A Japanese scotch and a rum that's seems right up my ally. There is also a cheeky bottle of vino. From past wine experiences I am sure this is going to be just lovely. Thank you dear friend, you and your fam are so great. So I've gotten my first card and first gift. Feeling loved bunny here. I have more I want to say but my eyelids are betraying me. I'm just tired. So I'm going to bed peeps. Ciao for now.

The Start Of The Holiday Madness

Parties, gatherings, going to see my friends band,
Lots of drinks, a pink strap on I don't understand.

Need more paper, we need more cello
Eating salads made with fruit in jello.

That elf on the shelf, is really not new,
The people packed malls, crazy as a zoo.

Going to buy some bows for prezzies
Sending out cards to wish folks a Merry

Special foods, decorations, lights on a bush
First time ice skating , you may fall on your tusch.

Egg nog made with copious shots of rum
Make the mood more festive, and friends lots more fun.

The holiday season is starting full swing
I don't want a lot, really only one thing.
That those of you reading, this blog of mine
Have a wonderful holiday, and a new year that's fine!

Peace out, ciao for now!

Good Day, Not So Great Night.

Had dinner but tummy us not happy. No clue why. Having tea, then going to bed.  Ciao for now peeps, until tomorrow (I promise there will be a new blog) 😀

Lets's Get It Started...

     Well, tomorrow is here, my first "official" work day. I am very happy, as I will now have benefits, and vacation accrual and pay. I also will accrue at a higher level as my 5 1/2 years will count. From here it's go time. No more pussy footing around. Slow and steady and damn if I am going to do my very best to keep myself in check! I get overboard and get clingy and I'm really trying to get into my head that I can not worry about things not my concern. It's so hard sometimes because I draw up scenarios in my head and I'm just an ass, that's the only way I can explain it, it's just that I .....fuck I can't explain it. I just hope those I care about can understand the thoughts in my head. And if they can, would they explain it to me!? lol
     I'm some feel like a live wire that is writhing on the ground and emotions are coming out instead of currents. Kind of the same effect though. I am feeling over sensitive to everything, and I mean weird shit. My taste sense seems heightened, my emotions and sense of smell too. How bizarre is that? I'm such an odd duck. lmao   I was looking at clothes today and saw so may things I would love to get but I'm not. I'm going to start being a miser. Saving up my money, so I can enjoy my first trip abroad. I want to treat everyone in the fam to a lovely meal out. It's the very least I can do. Plus I will have to buy clothes over in England, must have some UK fashion. I need to buy me some nightgowns or lounging outfits as I really don't wear anything to sleep. Oh peeps, I have written myself a workout plan too. I am going to try and add yoga to my regime. I am not going to promise I won't fall over. I didn't come in like a wreaking ball, I'm just shaped like one, with a bit of a waist carved in now. So should be interesting. I didn't do a lot of walking today, about half a normal working day. But tomorrow after work I am going to do the treadmill, get my miles up. Then I take the Yoga on Wednesday I think. I will be sure and let you know. :-D
     So since I am on my laptop, I am adding a few pics that you may get a kick out of. We are in control, going Zen, getting my ducks in a row, I will prevail, and holy crap I wish someone would stop me when I start writing crap like this........:-) Let's just go on and see what happens.
Im going to give myself a facial and hit the hay, so ciao for now.
Like I said ZEN

A night I will never forget, it was beyond amazing:

Getting that waist, bit flattening of the tummy, and hamming it up at work:

 

The last one is for my Doctor Who inner geek LMAO

Later Peeps!! LMAO 

Early Morning Ponderings (ramblings lol)

     It's been a rough night peeps. Let's just say I went through half a bottle of Pepto
Bismol trying to keep my nauseated stomach at bay! I think the Thanksgiving revelry got to me after all. Now as I wrote, food wise I wasn't bad on Thursday. Yesterday was a little different story. Went to a pals (one of the two I have here lol ) and we ate a very filling lunch that included pumpkin tarts, that were made with shortbread crusts and a vanilla glaze. Very rich, very good and a million calories I'm sure. That was along with a full lunch of course. Wrote out Christmas cards so not much movement there. Then for dinner we had a full repeat of the night before. Then only Goddess knows why, we had panettone bread pudding. Yes, when I'm a bad calorie girl I don't do it half assed. Lol
Well, around 9pm my body said, "GIRL, YOU'VE BEEN SO GOOD, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU PUT IN ME THESE LAST FEW DAYS?!" Needless to say what happened next wasn't pretty! So after that toilet run, I lay down, only to get up, what seemed like every hour.  Lesson learned and will not be repeated at Christmas!  Ugh!!
     Speaking of Christmas, I am one of the 3 in charge of out holiday work party. I don't mind really. It's fun and a nice chance for people to chill for an hour or so. They usually shut the phones so everyone can enjoy it at the same time. We also do a secret Santa gift.  We have lots of new people so should be fun. Everyone brings food to share, our bosses bring the main meat dishes, turkey, ham, etc., and we bring side dishes. It works out quite well. I'll try a few Pinterest dishes perhaps. Heaven  knows I have lots of them. LMAO
        I'm in bed, sitting up, my cat is against my side. I've just been texting with a friend about a giftee fir his daughter and it's now sorted. I just wish I could see them open the presents, I mean that's part of the fun giving them. I try to imagine what they may like and I'm sure some things do not go over as well as others but my gifts to all ate heartfelt so I hope at least that much cones through.  Easier for adults to understand as I remember being a kid. Not quite understanding why something was given to me. ☺️Oh I love Yule/ Christmas!!
       Well I told you it was ramblings today. I'm going to stop as my tummy is not happy. Hate this, too much to do, and no time to be illin'. At least it's not a work day. So I'm going to say, ciao for now peeps, catch you all later.

Burp!

     Well Thanksgiving is done. The Alka Seltzer is at the ready, and a cup of tea to relax. I must say, I am quite pleased with my eating tonight. Some turkey. Then a spoonful of green bean casserole, same with the mashed potatoes. A bit more of the asparagus and carrots, and okay two healthy tablespoons of stuffing. (A major weakness I wil admit) then a small roll. Later a normal size piece of pumpkin pie. We have wonderful leftovers for tomorrow night which will be about the same amounts, minus the pie and whipped cream.  Okay okay, I had wine, and cocktails. So bad Mary on those. But I am not over stuffed as some are. The food was lovely, and conversations good and easy flowing. All in all just a wonderful night. So we are now settled in for the night. Hopefully an up eventful one. So far so good. Mood is calm and happy.
     Now comes the choice tomorrow is do I go shopping, or do Christmas cards. I'm thinking it may be a combo of both. I am also planning a trip to the gym in the morning as long as they are open. I was on my feet today, but I wasn't walking. So grrr, not many steps on my Up. Oh well. I can tell by my body. I am competing with me, no one else. Although I do look in awe sometimes at my friends stats on there. Lol
     Well peeps not much else going on, very VERY chill day. Loved it. 😄🍷🍷🍗
      I will say, as I do, ciao for now.

Enter The Light Of Day

     Well I came home tonight and it seems like things are seemingly normal. Very nice greeting, nice meal. A good talk. I made it known that I'm scared, I said that perhaps we need to speak with someone. It was met, at first, with denial, but then he warmed up to the idea. We shall see, we shall see.
      I just want to interrupt this blog to tell the people who listened to me, that you rock. You guys make me laugh when I need it and that is priceless. I wonder at things sometimes, the occurrences of last night re-opened communication on this issue. Moving forward is the only option.
     Now getting to my other thoughts. Ooh exciting I know! Lol. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. The day when Americans sit down and give thanks for the things they have, then after gorging themselves they lay in a stupor until they can move again. This is when they go out and buy more things to be thankful for. This holiday has become a true celebration of gluttony. Not only organic but in monetary meanings. Stores are even open on Thanksgiving, money money. We are thankful for 30% off , it's crazy!
     As for us, we are headed over to the in-laws and I have to admit we have scaled the food down. We don't gorge, we enjoy our time together. Food is not the focus of this day, it's a player in the day, but not the main view. We have things to be thankful for, last night aside, I go full time on my job Monday, I have my friends, family, and I'm getting more fit and I will be, by the end of 2014 a world traveler! Yes, I hate to tell you all but I may be mentioning that once or twice more. Lmao
     It's not easy this thing called life. I've got obstacles, big ones, but with resolve, patience and lots of perseverance, not to mention luck, love, and hope, I'll get through. I'm smiling right now and I actually feel about 80% of the smile. Lots on my mind still, but we all have our own shite, I have mine. I'm here to listen and help you, if I can with yours. I thank you for doing the same for me. Giving me memories to replay when I need a boost! I've got some good ones 😊😋
Huge hugs to the ones I love, you know who you are.  So off to bed I go for what I hope is an  uneventful night. 😜   So as always ciao for now.

I Try So Hard, So Fucking Hard

     I can't do this anymore, I'm at my wits end. I have no one to talk to, no one can truly understand this living hell. I want to run off somewhere, alone, live my life, but damn this sense of responsibility. It's now just after 2am, he's on his back in the bathroom, fell, grabbed at something so that now everything on the vanity is strewn on the floor around him. Just missing the edge of it that would have slashed his head. I can't lift him at all, he's telling me he's broken, then he's telling me to sit on his face, funny fuckin world we live in. Any other time I'd climb on but this is not one of those times. I'm scared, for him, for me. But like any drunk, he's now just sitting there like nothing happened yet I'm going to be shit at work tomorrow as I'm not going to sleep much tonight, now look I've been drunk, I've tripped over my own two feet, this is not the effects of a fun party, I understand that. This is a cry in the night, and one I'm truly scared I can't answer anymore. For better or for worse right, but god damn when does it get better!?   Oh peeps I am tired of crying in the night, I want to run away
I'm not making sense maybe, forgive me as this is my outlet.  Ciao for now. X

Well What Do You Know

     Came home tonight to no cable or internet! Whimper whimper what does one do? No technology, no mindless programs to fill the void, epiphany!! We'll rock it old school, actually talk to each other, OMG, what a concept. It started with a small how was your day? And an answer back, and from there it grew into a conversation, who would have imagined it?
     Wow, it's amazing how much we rely on these technologies that fill our time yet at the same time can, if we're not careful, overcome basic human interaction. We have a standing rule if no tv or computer during dinner. It's helped reestablish conversation. May not always like what's said but it's important to listen.  Good lesson in there. Lol
     Well hello boys and girls, Mary here coming to you at the start of Thanksgiving. Yes thus Thursday families will gather to say how thankful they are for each other and all they have. Then go out the next day and buy some more. Yes because soon it will be Christmas!  Look I'd be lying if I said I don't like getting presents, if course I love it, especially if it's a random thought, I saw this and thought if you, or I want to share this with you. Knowing that someone took the time to think of you, that's sometimes a better gift than the gift itself. I love that, being with those I've come to love and cate deeply about. Thing is, most of those I care about are no where near me so if course I want to give presents to these people. It's not going to replace a hug & kiss , or laughs around a table but it's my way to let them know I'm thinking of you and I care about you. I mean I know gifts are a poor replacement for the spectacular me LMAO but it's all I can do to let those I love know I'm thinking of them. I was writing out the Christmas cards for my Dad, and it was bittersweet. It was looking at his old reliable address book that was all written in my mother's hand. Memories if her at the same table writing boxes if cards, sad now that so many names are crossed out, some by her, and even more by me. Kind of a timetable of all those friends and family now gone. I got a little weepy addressing these cards. Oh I know I'm silly that way but it's like what I said about the internet at the start if the blog. Time doesn't stop, new ideas become reality. Some of us are here to see it, many have already passed on. How long before everyone in that book will be gone? Yes I love my family and friends dearly. You are more than an address in a book. You are part of my life always. Your names are written in pen, no erasure possible. So this Thursday when I sit down with loved  ones near to me, I will say a Thanks for all of you that will continue through Christmas, when you get my hugs & kisse disguised as gifts from me.
     Oh doesn't she get deep when there is no tv to distract her? Haha. Well I will say ciao for now ad I'm off to bed.

All These Years and I'm Still Not A Cool Kid

     Well I've been thinking tonight that when I was in school I was not a "cool kid" , well not in the group mentality. The cool kids were all friends with me on their own. One on one, or a few perhaps, but when a get together happened at someone's house I rarely was invited. It hurt at first but then I realized the ones who did invite me, the ones who included me actually wanted to hang with me. So all in all I was a selective cool kid. Lol in my late teens and 20's it changed and I hung out with the groups but I actually liked the core group better. These were my peeps. Why bring this up, you are all asking. Well tonight at work, everyone was going out to a bar for music and dancing. I was aware, but yet no one asked. The new girl even asked me directions to the place. I had a chuckle on that one. There I was back at age 14 not being included. But man I was clubbing in Manhattan, in the best clubs, The Tunnel then Magique, Danceteria, Limelight, doing things there these kids will never even know. I partied big time back then, tripping was a weekend standard. Did Rocky Horror, got invited to after hours clubs, and studio parties. It was magical, so I'm not shedding tears about not going tonight. I have my nights out, with friends I love. I prefer finer wines and better liquor. But getting down and dirty is so much more fun now. Lol yes I much prefer now to those early days, but thinking back from 19 on it's been such fun. Can't wait to see what's to come? ☺️

Can't Sleep

Got an itch I can't scratch
I can't sleep at all
Twisting and turning all night

Thoughts in my head
That Won't let me sleep
Nothing it seems is right

Dreaming of places by the sea
Vacation near water I guess
Time has  seemed to to stop advancing
For me it seems no rest

I didn't plan to make this rhyme
It just seems it did
It's a sleepless night for me it seems
But for you sweet dreams I bid

I sat down to write a quick blog and this just poured out. Lmao
Going to try and sleep so as always I say. Ciao for now

TidBits

     Well, let's see, back home in VA, not feeling well. I'm sure a good nights sleep after a nice warm cup of tea, and I'll be right as rain.  Oh I must share this funny with you. Maybe I shouldn't but those of you who know me personally will be able to imagine the blank look on my face followed by the look of the lightbulb lighting as I "get it" LOL. On Friday before I left to go to NY , I was in the toilet and hubs was standing in there and he was naked. So im looking at his crotch and I just blurt out " your ball sack doesn't look right!" He looks at me and asks why. Here's the "me" moment. I say "it looks cockeyed!" He stares at me with a look and after a second I realize what I said. I laughed for 5 minutes. He did too, I just say stupid stuff I guess. Hehe 😳
      New York was nice, quiet trip, but a nice one. Really didn't tell anyone sans one pal. Didn't see her last trip. We had a great night, killed a bottle of wine and had the new sprice Jagermeister. It tastes like Pfeffernuse. Which is a kind of gingerbread Christmas cookie/biscuit. It's really good. I recommend it. Work tomorrow, but before that, I'm going to the gym. I'm jealous of my friend who walks so much. 😆  I don't have a far trek for work like he does. I get in my car, drive 5 miles then park. I'm parking further away from door and I've taken to using the stairs but I'm on the second floor. Lol I'm tethered to my desk to, so gym is important, now more than ever.  I need to drop at least 50 pounds by the time I get to England next year. OMG I will be almost at my goal. I'm trying to picture it, hard to do. But I have an email from a dear friend telling me I will get to it. He was right, I can tell it. I'm doing it for me of course, but it's nice to feel pretty and sexy. 😜.
      Bringing a big bowl of meatballs to work for the peeps there. I made about 35 meatballs yesterday, so lots extra, and they were quite tasty if I say so myself. Lol. Well peeps, my Up band tells me I need to go to bed at 10:45 pm tonight. No I'm not joking, lol. So I have an hour to wind down, hehe. Just finishing my tea, and watching a repeat of The Big Bang Theory. Then it will be bedtime for Mary when it's over, so as always I say, ciao for now!

Total Peace

In my bed, listening to my Bruno Mars cd. All those songs, (especially Gorilla yeah baby) had glass of  wine as chaser to my tea. The thoughts in my head now. Nothing left to do but.... FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP   Ciao for now

What?!

     I feel totally like I'm trying to fight a raging fire with an eyedropper full of water. My emotions are going up in a vortex and the weird thing is I'm totally cool with it. I'm finally feeling in a good state. I did some searching today. I'm getting my "Mary" back. I backtracked, I got so crazy at the thought of losing what I have that I over grabbed AGAIN!!! Don't I fuckin do that always?? Lol I'm mental sometimes but I really mean no harm. I just love fun, and having fun, sharing fun, and I'm watching fun from the bleachers sometimes. But you know, I'm making my fun, I have no one to blame but me for my woe is me nutter times. I am flying high on things that finally are falling into place. My job is official, I passed all my background and credit checks. It's full steam ahead, plus the holidays are coming. I can't tell you the high I get from trying to find great gifts for those I care about. I have gotten some cool things so far. Yay 😊😀😆
     In all seriousness. I'm in a good place. I can only take care of me, and by doing that I'm so much better for those I love. I just have started my new routine. I start work at 9:30 so it's gym at 6, then home by 7:20. Shower, then work by 8:30 and an hour it so to ease into the day. I hate rushing into work and starting right away. Don't you prefer a nice calm AM before the days rush. I do have an easy commute so I don't have to deal with public transportation. Added plus! Oh I am a complicated crazy mental soppy sausage, lol. I'm really lovable, I am. I'm also on 6 cups of tea today so I'm bouncy right now. I will mellow out but I don't want to overcompensate, and I don't want to fuck things up. Oh please don't let me fuck up, if I'm getting near to doing that feel free to bip me on the head and say ---stop it!!   Tangent night apparently. Lmao. Ah peeps, ciao fir now. Muah

Midnight meetings

     I awoke to his lips gently sucking my nipple, then placing a finger to his lips telling me to be silent. As I nod he lays on top of me, kissing me! His tongue sweet in my mouth, while his fingers work between my legs. With one move he pulls my legs open and enters. Looking at me as he plunges deeply, filing me. Our eyes speaking for us. Oh his face making the look I love. I respond the same as he brings me over the edge several times before his own release. He erupts with such force, then still for a moment. We kiss once more our final kiss of the night. In seperate rooms we sleep content.

Teach Your Children Well

     But please remember you did! Have faith that they know what the fuck they are doing. I'm singling out you Dads out there. We were daddy's little girls , you were our first crush, you helped us see what we needed to see in a man but please realize we are not forever 10. Although we appreciate your caring and you still fretting over us PLEASE PLEASE trust yourself to know we have grown up and wiser (hopefully). I love my dad with all my heart but sometimes I want to drop kick him across a football field! I go visit him and no matter what I say I'm doing when there I get some kind of argument. I'm alwYs going somewhere or going something and it's tiring trying to fit it all around his expectations, especially when he says I do what I want it's my house too all within the same breath! I actually hung up on him tonight as he got me so angry. I love to cook and he freaks out because I say I'm going to cook Saturday. I don't understand what it had to even do with him. As a matter of fact I will be home most if the day since I have other things I need to do. Like writing Christmas cards out for him. I won't be, as he says, out galavanting. Sheesh it does my head in. I'm not perfect far from it. But if I annoy any if you in this matter, please know it's what I learned from Dsd.  So yes teach your children well. Never know what we will pick up !  Ciao for now.

11th month, 11th day, 11th hour

     Well today is/was Verteran's Day, Rememberence Day. We honor those men and women who fought for our freedoms. I have all branches of the armed services in my family sans one, The Coast Guard. I do have a dear friend though who was in the guard so all accounted for. I thank them all for protecting my arse, that's for sure.
      So today was my first day back after being out most of last week. Day went well enough, my first call had me chuckling to myself. When I asked if there was anything else I could do for him, he said no, have a good day, and great voice by the way. I actually kind if giggled a thank you. Really Mary, you get a compliment and become a 14 year old teenager? But yeah, I kinda did. Lol A busy morning gave way to a quiet afternoon.  So my only panties in a bunch scenario would be my background check. Of all things, they can't verify my high school records. I wrote back the email, really it was long ago and were they remembering to use my maiden name. Seems my school wasn't answering the calls, so I will call them in the morning.  "hello brother David, it's Mary" lol oh hell. Worst case, when I go to NY this weekend I will bring back my diploma, scan it as proof, I is educated! Lmao!!
     Well tomorrow night I'm finally getting my hair done, OH MY GOD, SHE'S going to the hairdresser!!! Alert the media. Maybe nothing to you, but my hair is a hot mess right now. My blond gets more pop, I love the blonde. I'm thinking of a new style, still keeping a bob like look. I'll take a pic. Nothing very exciting, tonight, so I'm not going to force banal ramblings on you all. So that means, I'm going to bid you all good night. So ciao for now peeps.

Is It Really Only Eight PM?

     This daylight savings time switch to standard time sucks big hairy balls. It's only 8PM and it feels like it's already close to midnight. Granted I have been ill for the last few days, so perhaps my body is still not up to 100% but damn. It's too early to feel this late. LOL
      So the last few days have been not my most exciting, but I did get about half of my Christmas presents, the ones I have to ship out, ordered. I'm excited about the boys, I hope he likes them. I'm going to need a bit of help with the girls though. Lol I have lots of ideas but I need a little guidance on them. I love sending prezzies! Eeeeeee - that's a squeal of delight. ☺️
      I am such a silly Baggins, I was on EBay and was "this close" to bidding on a set of Elf on the Shelf dolls. From when I was a kid. They were the exact same ones. Memories came rushing back, isn't funny that I was going to buy memories for a mere $18.65. But then I realized memories have no price and these were not the ones from my childhood. I may have purchased them if I had children, but no, so the bidding went past me, and as a side note, those suckers sold final bid at $32.45! OMG they probably cost $3.00 if that much when they were new! So I guess someone was able to put a price on memories. 😜
       Well tomorrow it's back to work, Tuesday will be the gym, work, then hair cut & color. This gorgeousness doesn't happen all by itself you know. BWAHAHA  a peeps I still got it! Now what to do with it!  HAHAHAHA ooh somebody stop me! 😜😝
         I will stop myself, and say as you all know, ciao for now!

What's She Going On About Now

     In these early hours of the morning, one tends to feel a bit like the God Janus. Looking at the day just gone, while pondering the day ahead. I find myself drifting from one to the next quite easily as if floating on a cloud. I like this time of morning when my thoughts keep me company. I am the Queen and while my subjects sleep I am free to behave as I wish, even if the actions play out only in my mind. There is nothing that stops me,  and in my thoughts  no one questions my reason or intelligence. I have full autonomy. My world is as quirky as a Mad Hatters, mixed with the grounded vision of any good philosopher. My connection to my heart is stronger and I feel connected tfamily and friends in a way that I wish I could express yet am never able to do. My words always seem contrived and overused. Maybe the pure love I have for these people goes beyond anything I could find in a dictionary. No matter what, it's obvious that I have an easier time of writing what I feel, as I trip over my emotions when I try to speak them.
     I want to be elegant but I'm not sure it's a good fit for me. I would just once like to ride in a limo to start a 5 star night. Oh how the beautiful people all know just how to hold their champagne glasses. How to say just the right thing and laugh just so perfectly and always at the right time. So not me. I'm boisterous and talk way too much, I spill things and have a knack for blurting out my thoughts without thinking them through. I'm the proverbial sow's ear waiting to be made into a silk purse. But truthfully the folks in steerage always seem to have lots of fun. So -I'm happy with me overall . I like who I am and want to share myself with family and friends but alas very few are nearby. So I get distraught occasionally. I found something today about missing people  that said it best.  It went ( and I'm paraphrasing here) "It's not who you've known the longest but its when you are in a moment that you think of someone who you want to share what's happening, that's truly missing someone. " I have the quote somewhere but you get the gist if it.  I have come across things in day to day that I think of people and know they could appreciate s situation or something the same as me. Something we would share. Love that.
     I want to share myself with you dear friends and love when you share back with me. That's worth more than gold. It's priceless. It's bedtime now. So I say ciao for now

Wee Wee Wee Then All The Way Home

     It was not the best of days peeps. I stayed home as nothing would stay down from about 2 in the morning. I finally had a light meal that stayed down, and I'm finishing a nice warm mug of tea. I will be at work tomorrow's ought and on a new schedule. I will get to sleep tomorrow until at least 7 or 7:30 AM! Woohoo!! Lol
     Well I did go for my drug test this afternoon. Yes the wee into a cup. I hate this, if you remember last time I dropped the cup into the toilet. I had the hardest time of it. Well thus time I wee'd like a boss! I gave them more than they needed. I was spectacular in my wee wee effort this time. So yes I am a full time employee as of the 2nd of December!
     Peeps I am going to read a bit and go to sleep, I'm still not 100%, but I wanted to drop by. Until next time, ciao for now.

Christmastime Is Here (Almost)

     I find myself feeling a bit like poor ole Charlie Brown. I am already seeing the stores getting ready, the tinsel and trees are huddled in the corner waiting to burst onto the scene. Much like the players on a team bursting through the thin paper banner with their name on it! It's so overwhelming. Get this, do this, buy this it's better than that. Look I love to buy things, I love buying things at Christmas. I've already got a list of what I'm getting those in my life. But it's not just that, hell most of those people will be getting gifts from the dear postal services. I won't even see their faces as they open there gifts. I enjoy that more than getting gifts really. Unfortunately there are only a handful that I will actually hand the gifts to. Which brings me to the thoughts that have been running through my head this afternoon.
      I have the joy of becoming a full time employee no longer a temp in December. That month when the weather grows cold (in the northern hemisphere at least) and family seems to matter more for some reason. My family was not very large, I'm talking immediate family, as my Italian side has more than enough cousins to film The Godfather parts 4, 5 and 6! I'm an only child and yes I had great Christmas mornings, Santa left me so much. But as I grew older and perhaps a bit wiser, I came to love the traditions we had. One gift opened after we got back from midnight mass. I never went so much for the secular, as even back then I knew the church wouldn't fill my spiritual needs, but it did fill the need I had for family.  Seemed my little suburban town brought everyone out for that mass. All my friends from school and their families and it was like for that hour and a half I had a huge family. Not to mention a very cool new Christmas pin and gaudy corsage with poinsettias and red balls on my coat lapel. LMAO  as I grew older I stayed up with my mom and grandma after mass to help cook for the feast the next day brought. Simple joys but fun. Good memories. There were sad times. I had one Aunt die on Christmas Eve. Not the most festive occurrence. The one where for some reason we barely were scrapping by. No big presents that year at all. But I got little things for my mom, grandma and dad. I was 16, I remember it well. We had dinner just the 4 of us. We watched tv together that night. Tree lights on and egg nog. Still one of my best Christmas nights.
Now I've been here in VA for 14 years and this makes the 14th year I will not be with my dad for Christmas. I have a real strong pull to be there this year for some reason. The man is going to be 86 this year, bless. How many more Christmas days is he going to see? May it be many but fact is it will not be as many as wanted and I don't want him to leave this world without spending at least one more with him. Not a week or two close to the date, coupled with the fact his birthday is the 29th of December. Maybe there is a reason I'm feeling this pull. It hurts to be honest. Hubs hates NY, traveling hurts him and he hates driving long drives and you know traffic that time of year. Dad never seems to want to come here. So there I am stuck in the middle. I love the man, all little girls love their daddy's right! He's still here, mom's spirit is still there but he's enjoying his life and I'm happy for him. But I want to make a meal for him, perhaps the neighbors, his lady friend. Fill the dining room with talk and laughing again. Bring back those dinners of long ago. I would love that, but I truly don't see it happening and because if that I am feeling the tears running down my face. I wish the answer would come to me somehow. Maybe it will.  The holidays are here, love those that matter, I do very much. Just wish I could give you all a hug and kiss on those days when it is just needed, by me anyway.  I'm going to sleep. Ciao for now peeps.

Just that kind of night.

I used to love being alone. I'd get things done and catch up on my reading and just chill. I don't like it anymore - see it used to be that I was always hanging with friends, doing something or going somewhere. So it was an enjoyable break. Now it's the norm and I really don't like it. I miss human contact!   I'm at the point that I'm not going to be nice anymore. I'm going to go out and have fun. I'm just not sure how! 😥

Tomorrow is Hallloween

     Well I was going to get dressed up as Mrs. Claus but I've been fending off the creeping grunge that has many in the office calling out. So I think I'm just going to wear my argyle dress and boots, go as a  customer service rep. Lol plus I'm working overtime 8am to 6 pm. Long day. OMG peeps the natives are getting restless. This guy gets all angry because he can't get in to the website. I reset his password and he is like I need to get this done because I'm leaving tomorrow. I say - well you have until Friday. His reply - I won't have a computer. So I casually say, yes a bit catty tone, that this opened 2 weeks ago. He says I was on vacation. Not that he had about a months notice of when this would happen. I said well it has to be done online by Friday at 11:59pm  or he is bound to what's in there. Tough titties mister. I swear you want to reach through the phone so engines and strangle them, bless. Lol
     I am having a cup go hot apple spice hot cider, sugar free of course. I know boys and girls, I am a wild child. 😀 well you know I am. I just got a really pretty dark emerald green and black lace corset. It's laced in the back and zipper up front.  I tried it on and I need to lies about 15 pounds to have it fit perfectly. I can just get it zipped with the ties very open but breathing is hard to do.  Lmao I want the laced up to be closer and be able to breath. It comes with a g string or eye patch as I call it. It's really so much prettier than the photo of it. I got it on Facebook in a group called fattoo!  I've gotten a few things there. I bought a very nice tunic but it looked so much longer in the photo. I have to find just the right skirt for it. I also need to find a reason to wear the corset. 😜. I like dressing sexy and trust me when I tell you as I lose more weight I will be buying more interesting items. Love fishnets under a skirt or dress. Pretty materials that have a nice feel and just "flow" heels baby I'm getting used to them again. Hehe. Okay I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm a work in progress. Stay tuned.
     There's a video going around Facebook I found interesting. I shows a girl, attractive enough, but nothing that is above average and then they take a photo and it gets photoshopped. The trim her belly (which in not large) enhance her boobs, elongate her neck, make her eyes bigger, lighten her hair, change her skin tone. Then do a side by side. Before and after. It really makes you realize what beauty is. They take a very nice looking woman and "Barbie " her. I don't feel bad after seeing that. Yes gravity has taken hold of the boo age area more than I'd like to say, but I don't have too many wrinkles and I can do my make up well. I'm no model but I do okay and no one thinks I'm the age I am. Even tonight one of the girls told me how old she thought I was and she took almost 20 years off me. Wow!!
     I can't wait to see what costumes show up at work. I've been good as I went shopping and bought grill chicken strips, salad, balsamic dressing. Also yogurt and fruit so I know I won't be eating the pizza and hero sandwiches that will be bought for the group as we barely will have enough time to wee. Well peeps this exciting wild child (hehe) is going to bed. My hot beverage had been consumed and I'm feeling snoozy. So I will say ciao for now 😀

Yes a new post - woo hoo

     It's been a hellish few weeks. Open enrollment and fighting a cold that seems to enjoy lying in wait for an attack. It tries in a few headaches, series of sneezes but so far I am winning. Yay lol
I have been on an emotional roller coaster. It's been mainly good, a few lies creeping in just to keep me in check, but on the whole I am happy. Oh man speaking of happy. Let me tell a tale. I was in a druggist parking lot and thus man in a pick up truck decided to yell out to me. Care to guess his remark. Well I can tell you it included the words fat bitch. Now it's obvious I'm fat, but bitch? I have my moments and I am female if using the canine equivalent, but let's just agree he was just trying to hurt me. It did hurt a bit, but not for the reason you may think. A year or so ago it would have wounded me deep, but it did no more than irk me this time. See, what bugs me is that what you can't see is that I have lost 56 pounds, that's a lot. That's a young child for Christ sake. He does not know this and yes, to look at me I am quite fat. But I am also stronger than I was. Thanks to those who stood by me, encouraged me and believed in me, and helped me realize that I am as sexy, love able and worth as much as anyone! I am and I posted a picture of me on Facebook in a pretty argyle dress that I recently got. OMG it got over 55 likes and so many comments. I really wasn't fishing for them, but reading them had me getting weepy. So many sweet words and comments. From people I wouldn't have expected. I was humbled, so very humbled. It helped me gain even more tenacity, more drive than ever. I want to do myself proud. I want to do this for me of course first and foremost, for my health as I personally believe beauty is not a size. But also for those who love me as I want to be around a long time.
      I am no one to pontificate anything on weight loss. Everyone to themselves and if you are happy and feel good, well then, good! Happy that the word that is probably number two on my favorite word list. Believe of course is number one. I do believe. I have to, as my goal is to lose at least ten pounds a month starting on Nov. 1.
      Ooh the last two days, lol. My dear friends daughter, also my friend, turned 13 on Saturday. Beautiful girl. I face timed with her and then, I went to start my car and it wouldn't start. Really !? Lol oh man it was early morning and I had no choice as I was freezing. I called the hubs and woke him up. Oh joy. He came and got me. I walked to Starbucks to go to the bathroom, and he bought jumper cables. My car finally started and now thinking on it I may have had my lights on the entire time. I didn't think I did but today I thought and yes, I probably did. Oh dumb bunny me. Lol. I got to the gym  and came home to a great dinner. Had rooks though.  I weighed myself as I felt so bloated but when I got on the scale I did not gain anything from 2 days ago. Yay. 😊 I've noticed when I force myself to get on the scale it usually is okay. Lol
     So tomorrow starts the final week of open enrollment. It's also Halloween on Thursday. I'll post pics end of week. Lol she not telling my costume. You will see. I'm going to sign off now as I've been wordy and a bit self absorbed so I say good night peeps. Ciao for now.

A Chill But Great Weekend!

     I'm really sleepy peeps so in a nutshell.  Got to Dads, made good time, had a cuppa with him, bed. Made breakfast next morning, did laundry, showered, met friends for lunch, spilled water all over me, went to get pizza. Then great FaceTime with the lovelies in England, OMG it was outrageous, I LOVED IT!
     Had light breakfast with Dad today, then brunch with some of the girls, great time, nice place. Will post pics tomorrow. 5 hour drive back, had some food. Watched videos , now going to bed.
      So there is the reader's digest version of my weekend. Sorry but my pillow is calling. Which is why no pics tonight! So until tomorrow, Ciao For Now.

Harvest Moon Drive

     Well I am in NY and writing this on my phone as Dad is easing his way into the new millennia with the additional digital channels on his cable service. So no internet at Eds lol
     The harvest moon was shining as I drove up the east coast , it was a very smooth swift trip up. The only hiccup was what looked to be a bad accident that was just a bit before my exit  so I was able to get off one stop before and just went the other way round. It was no biggie. Made it in 4.5 hours including stopping for fuel and to wee.
     I was listening to some new music that I am getting very hooked on. As the miles went on I was playing and replaying a cd I downloaded. I also had a few standby ones, I mean it was a 4 hour + trip. In a great mood. I had put a pic on my Facebook page of a pup that needed to be adopted. She was abused and used as a bait dog for dog fighting. She is fully healed but had a few scars. So sweet looking and my heart went out to her. Long story short - I put her story on my page for my NY peeps but a former co worker I'm friendly with is trying to adopt her. She's been looking for a dog. Fate perhaps was working its wonders and I feel good that I may have had a hand getting this fog a forever home. She's a good person and I think it would be a good fit.
     I also was thinking of all the things my dearest friends have done for me. Opened their homes to me, bought things for me that they thought I would like, treated me out to dinner, spent their money on me!! ME! Lol what did I ever do to deserve these wonderful people in my life? The Goddess had been very good to me by blessing me with these very special people. I live them all. Also I have a dad , who at almost 86, is going strong. Walks everywhere, goes to the city, able to take care if himself and even has a lady friend. That last part I tease him about but I'm glad he had someone to share things. He also had his great neighbors. Yes I am veryucky and very thankful
I was going to write more but it's 2am and I eNt to go to snooze so I will say ciao for now

I Am Scared. I Am Happy.

     I am very happy. I am going to be a full time working individual by December 1!! Yay. I love being at work, I feel productive. I feel needed.
     I am afraid of being stupid and doing things I shouldn't and the more I try not to do these things, I feel I tend to do them.   I feel good and yet I still feel a bit lost. I feel conversations should have kept going, I should have been more concise with my replies. I often wonder if what I say is understood. I just want to be all I can be for those I care about. I know I know, I'm overthinking again. Bad Mary shut the fuck up.
     Ah peeps, I really need this weekend. I need to get away, to reconnect with me. I like the new me. I'm looking good, well I think I am -lol. I feel better than I have in a long time and why yes I like getting looked at as I drive by some cars, lol - I just want it all at one time. Not too much to ask eh? Hehe 😉😜. Ciao for now - a big blog tomorrow when I get to dad's tomorrow - keep an eye out 😀

Much Better Day

Today was so busy at work but it was a good one. Helped my manager by calling employees back to let them know there computer errors were fixed. Not anything big but my manager really appreciates it and that makes me happy. Eating was good, went to the gym tonight. I wore my Up bracelet but it didn't seem to record the majority of my workout, and I see the 15 minutes on the treadmill. I did the circuit minus the leg press as some chick was using it. I'm wondering now if it will track my bike riding too? My friend has one so I have asked him. Waiting to hear what he says. At least I know I went.
     Last night I watched The Heat, it was good and I know there will be a The Heat 2, was set up that way. Was a nice to just chill and watch a movie. I need to get ready for NY. I'm leaving Friday night to spend some time with Dad and friends. Think I'm going to bake my dad an apple pie. I haven't made pie dough in awhile and I have a new recipe I want to try out. I love to bake. I love making pies and scones. I used to make different scones every Sunday for breakfast. I made cinnamon spice with raisins, orange, blueberry, all kinds. But too many scones made too much me. Maybe I'll make a pumpkin pie & brioche too. 🍰🍞
      Okay slow day as far as me. Some interesting stuff coming I think, keep an eye here. So as always I will say, ciao for now.

Just thoughts

I'm not in a good mood tonight. I've had a major headache since around 4:30 this afternoon. It's not my main issue, but I'm irritated. It's like a grain of sand in your shoe. You really can't see it but you feel it, rubbing at your heel. It didn't help that my last phone call today was a very rude woman, her name makes everyone cringe. As soon as I saw it was her, I was ready and I wasn't disappointed. She started right away. She was mad at the benefit carrier, and she started to yell at me. I said to her, "ma'am why are you yelling at me? She said okay okay. I said, I'm tying to help you, it ended with me doing a ticket for her but we are at the point where they want to ban her from the hr help desk. Then I go to Target, I park, come out and a car is next to me And it's about 5" into my spot! Really, selfish prick. At least I get home to relax, watched a movie. I just have to move. It was easier when I wasn't working but at least I'm eating better and yes I did lose 3.6 pounds since my last weigh in. Woohoo! 

     I just have lots of thoughts in my head. I just need to gather my thoughts. I'm good though and will only get better.  I just feel an emptiness in my home. It's just a void that I try to fill, but it doesn't. I am not about to burden friends with an oh woe is me. Because I have so fucking much, but sometimes it's not things we need. It's conversation. It's intersection. It's not being in the same room yet being alone. Oh I will get through it, I should be used to it. I sit and think and then overthink. I'm not stimulated, in more ways than one. Ah it's not as bad as I'm making it sound, it's no ones fault, maybe it's mine, I don't know anymore. So I'm going to sleep, I'm concentrating on things I enjoy and people I have fun with. Places I want to go. I will think of all these things, smile and feel blessed for knowing great people and for what I have. Goodnight peeps, ciao for now 

And So It Starts.....

.......open enrollment that is. The day seemed like a snowball being rolled along a hilltop. It went along smoothly but as it got closer to the edge is slide over and started gaining speed and going faster and growing. Thing is, it's only just starting. It's going to be one fucking huge snowball when it's done. Lol on November 1st herself will start her day at noon, and work up to midnight. Then it over!! Until the following week we get the calls like oh I had no idea it was over. Um, yeah.....NO! Lol
      You want to hear something funny? Yeah so would I. Lol I still have tummy issues and I'm feeling like a slug. I have to get to the gym this week. It's been a few days now and I feel weighted down. I weigh the same I did two weeks ago. I don't like this. I hate to plateau and the worse is that with my Up I see how little in the course of a day I walk. I should be doing about 10k a day at least. I drive to work, to my works parking lot. Into the office where I sit all day? I must go tomorrow and walk, it's not a choice. I am going directly after work. Was going tonight but I got physically sick when I got home. Bad time to get a bug. I can't not go to work. I may cancel my NY trip this weekend though. Go the weekend after. I want to go to visit my moms grave too. She'll be gone 16 years on the 29th of October. I have often gotten ill around Pagan holy days. Big one coming up. Must get better, and moving my sexy big arse will help me. I am going to bed early tonight. If I'm up early enough, well, I'll know more tomorrow. Will let you in on it then.  
      I touched on it, so I'll tell you. Next holiday is Samhain (Sow-en). It's more well known as Halloween. Although I don't celebrate on the 31st of October. Many do, but I use a more celestial way. I celebrate this day when sun enters 15degrees of Saturn. Either way, it's a time when the veil between the worlds is at it's thinnest. That's where dressing as ghosts and ghouls started. Thus way the real ones didn't try to take you with them to the other side. It's a time to honor our loved ones who have past on. I light a candle, to light my path. To communicate actually. Funny thing is I know my mother has moved on, one day I'll explain. But we leave an essence of ourselves that lingers and on this night we connect with it.  Don't I just go all over the place, hello my name is Mary and I love tangents.   I love my pillow too and I'm going to embrace her fully right now. So I will say ciao for now.

Another Year Older, We'll See About The Wiser

     So yes, happy birthday to me. As we celebrate the years we live, we are supposed to gain the wisdom of the ages. I am indeed smarter in many ways, but sometimes I often can relate to the phrase in the song by Don Henley. " The more I know the less I understand" it makes sense to me know.  Things happen and I tend to overthink. I do so well, then for some reason I backtrack. I had a conversation with a friend (briefly) on this. I had had the same conversation with myself earlier that day. I mentally slapped my head, to knock the sense back in.
      I realize people are going to do what they will, nothing I can do or have any right to try and sway. Thing is if they were any different I wouldn't feel the way I do about them. I love my friends just as they are. And I love them even more for staying my friends despite the way I am.
       I have to admit that this past Saturday, although not the day we planned, went well. We got up, showered and went out for breakfast. We went to a place called Cracker Barrel. It's a very cool place as the entire front is a cool old fashioned store, with old time candies and lotions. Plus of course cool toys and gadgets. They already had Christmas stuff up which took me by surprise, it IS October only. But found some cute things for Halloween. The food is pioneer family food. Lots of ham, sausage, bacon sides with eggs, grits and fried apples and don't forget the biscuits and sausage gravy. I mean buttermilk style soft scones not biscuits as in sweets. I ordered a sunrise sampler (2 eggs) with a side of turkey bacon. When they brought it to the table it also included were side orders of these grits, biscuits, fried apples, and a cheesy hash brown casserole side.  I ate one biscuit, there were 2, the eggs, 1 slice of bacon, spoon of apples, half the grits and ashamed to admit it but the whole side of hash browns. They were good. Lol but damn if I'm not paying for it today. Dinner was salmon, quite healthy with a salad but then there was the pumpkin creme brûlée (which they put a candle in for my birthday) so as I waddled home at the end of the night I was beyond full. I even got a free bottle of beer (for my birthday) from the guy at the wine and beer shop. So today I have eaten very little. Tummy not happy with me, I don't blame it. Lmao. Tomorrow us back to the gym.
      Oh speaking of the gym, I went Saturday and after my shower I forgot to put my wrist monitor on so of course I did not track my moves.  Tomorrow I will remember!
      I also had a bit of an issue with a friend who I have known for years, been through so much with. Talked all night with, laughed, cried and supported, yet I heard nothing from him to say Happy Birthday. I was hurt, I admit it. He texted me today and wished me a happy day saying he had no internet for any length if time. All good. But his hubby was on Facebook, several times. They go on outings together so I'm I'm a bit curious, but will speak to him as it's too much for texting. Ah I'm being petty I guess. Especially considering my old roommates whom I lived with for ten years didn't comment either. It's just me, I comment on everything. Lol but that's me, not everyone. See overthink!!! I'm weird just leave it at that, BUT,  I mean well in things.
       So there will be more but I'm getting up at 5 so I'm going to sleep. So ciao for now. 😄😄

Who Am I?

     I have no answer to that question. I am me, I am a short blonde round chick, who loves too hard, get jealous too easily, laughs too loud, cries at the drop of a hat and wants to do everything I can for those I love. This often puts me in a weird light. I says things before thinking, I seem so nosy but  I  doesn't mean to. I ask questions that perhaps I shouldn't but it's because I want to feel connected. I realize too late that I don't need to know everything. It's meant as harmless and I so hope those I love realize this. Especially when they have helped me grow strong, made me realize I am complete, I am sexy, I am worth being with. God love them! 

     I am home right now, watched some TV, and enjoying tea that came from dear friends. I'm looking at two lip balms from another dear friend, I am a lucky biatch. Lol I'm just enjoying the cooler weather that finally arrived tonight. I was in a fog all day today. Kind of on auto pilot. I don't know, maybe it's because my birthday is coming up. I'm looking forward in a way. Actually I'm looking forward to 2014. I feel it's going to be an interesting year. So just popping in, jotting down thoughts in my head, as usual disjointed thoughts, but thoughts. Lmao. So until next time Ciao For Now. 

What To Say

     Had a great weekend. Love my friends, concerned about one. Want to make everyone smile. Wish I had answers to all the questions in my head and in the heads of those I care about. Wish the weather would cool off so I can wear my new dresses. 
     I am tired, I'm going to bed. Ciao For Now peeps

Now What Will I Watch?

     Meaning that I saw the final episode of Broadchurch tonight. It was on BBC America. Excellent production. It's like reading a book. You get so caught up in the story that when it ends you feel a bit empty inside. Lol. We do that though don't we? Get so caught up in the lives of people in these stories, we use them to take away our mundane lives. I spent many summer afternoons with my nose in a good book. Or looking forward to the next installment of a favorite show. You have to be careful though or it takes over. Hubs is like that right now with the show Castle. So much that he  downloaded the remaing 4 books in the series. Remember I got him one for his birthday. So now he is either reading the book, or watching the show. I enjoy the show myself but it's getting obsessive. Glad we are going away.
     Oh yeah, we are going away. Lol. I am off on Friday. Saturday is our17th wedding anniversary  so we are doing an overnight in Lancaster  PA. It's about 2 hours from us and it's a nice change of scenery. We have no set place to stay but we will find something. One day I want to stay at the Lancaster Arts Hotel. It's a funky cool place judging from the website. Check it out if you're so inclined. Maybe a girls weekend, we all chip in for the suite. Always a good time.
     I feel a little odd. It's like I have been transported back to my dreary little world. The excitement of  a week and a half ago is now another beautiful memory. Life is good though. I can't complain. I just wish hubs would get out more. Filing for unemployment would be nice! He literally spends the day with his nose in the castle books or watching it on TV. Glad I'm working or I'd be a lot more upset. It's gets boring being home but that's one reason I was always going for drives. You have together out and mingle in the world. Staying home too long drives me bonkers!
      Aw peeps, I am going to bed. 5 AM is only 5 hours away. Getting to the gym early. Lots to do tomorrow. So until then. Ciao For Now.

Thoughts and Stuff

First a correction to yesterday's blog. It was just over a week ago not 2 that I had my amazing weekend. To you, still floating from it. Some people just have a way of making you feel so special. They ate a rare and wonderful breed. I felt special that's for sure. Okay enough. God someone shut me up. Lmao

 OMG today at work, I have a new dad on the phone. His wife had the baby 4 days ago and I'm walking him through the steps to add the child to his benefits, when all of a sudden, I hear his wife screaming! She's yelling "help me, help me," and she's got this fear in her voice. The man stops talking then she says quick the baby's got something stuck in her throat. The man starts to ask if he can call back I'm like go go now. He hangs up and I'm thinking to myself what could this infant have gotten into her mouth at 4 days old. This was their first child, I asked the Goddess to watch the baby and went on to the next call, but wow! Drama at the call center. Scary to imagine.
     Speaking of the Goddess, it's no secret I'm a witch, pagan, Wiccan, however you choose to word it. But to some it's still a frightening word. I wouldn't hurt a fly. But on Facebook I read an article by a woman who clearly had no idea what an earth based religion was as she kept referring to the devil. We don't believe in the devil. Satanists do, but not us. So how can I worship what I don't believe?  But I found myself laughing at what she was saying about Halloween. Basically it's the witches new year. The veil between the two worlds is thin so we honor our loved ones who have passed on. Christians gave All Saints and All Souls days. Also there is dios de la muerta. Day of the dead. It's not a crazy idea but she went off saying that don't buy candy at Halloween since witches pray over it and put spells in it. That we have time release curses, and that candy corn is the devils own .  OMG really? Okay I agree candy corn is evil, delish sweet evil.  And time release curses, for when the 1/ hour curses aren't strong enough?? And at what time do we start this praying over candy. I pray that I don't shove too many fun size bars into my gob! One person wrote on asking her if she knew the cut off time for candy buying. I was crying, so funny.
     Okay peeps, I can be a bear of very little brain sometimes. I am the type of person that on occasion gets feelings about people, that I lately have found to be accurate. It's kind of cool, and helps me tune into what's going on and what the pace is. It's happened at work several times and made for very easy fun days.  BUT  think a friend is hurting, and I can do nothing to help! I need to step back though because I finally realized the last thing someone wants, is to be reminded of is that they hurt, or feel bad.  They know I care, and if they choose to discuss it then I am there. They know that I am, I don't need to keep reminding them. So I'm bringing myself back to normal pace. Be the friend they know I am, you know, that cute lovable, sweet, funny, and modest gal. So that's it on that. Nuff said, 
     I found a new tattoo artist also a few days back. She is wonderful and I want her to ink me. Must save and also must be real sweet to a certain talented friend of mine who draws great, and it would be honored to wear another piece of his art. Maybe if I ask real pretty like, he will draw me something. He's got so much going on though with his football and work, but I'm not demanding. At his leisure of course. I love owls, fairies, moons, I would love him to draw something he thinks of when he thinks of our friendship. Now THAT would be interesting. Draw how he sees me. Oh that could be good or bad! Lmao. I wish I could draw. I can doodle but not the way he does and his daughter is just like him. She did a drawing of Ariel, and in her headband, she drew something. To me that was outstanding. It gave you another point of concentration. It drew your eye in. It's the details others years her senior forget to do. Brilliant!!   Well peeps, this overbearing, and sometimes annoying but always good hearted Baggins is headed to bed. Gym in the AM. So as always I say Ciao For Now 

I Wish I Could Select A Groundhog Day Of My Choice

     Well maybe more than one day, how about a weekend? I would have posted sooner but I was still floating on air from 2 weekends ago. Not going into too many details but I had such an amazing time. Sometimes someone takes what would have been a great night anyway and turns it into an amazing experience. I was so lucky to have this happen. I will eventually get over this. Maybe a year or two LOL 
     Today I got my arse to the gym again!!  Finally it's been 2 weeks. Today I was walking slow LOL  I swear it was like my body said,"its about time" or "oh hell I thought you had given this up" In the past it would have been the second statement. Today it was the first one. I have a different way of thinking, I missed going. Yes, it surprises me sometimes. I like how I'm starting to look and I'd be lying if I didnt say I enjoy being looked at. Not that Im going anywhere, I have my special someone, but it's nice to hear. I want to be so much more fit for when I go to England. I know it's happening and I can't wait to go. I have been forewarn that I will go mental when I see the tea aisle at the local Tesco.  LOL I am bringing an extra case with me for clothes and tea and Garibaldi's (a fantastic biscuit/cookie) I know aim not going to want to leave. Wonder if my friends would let me stay with them until  found a job. Maybe my friend has something I could do. Maybe be a maid for them  LOL 
     So lets reel it back in and talk work. I am feeling happy with my job, and funny thing today, one of the ladies who worked in payroll walked back in today. So it felt like old home week.I am back to my 8:30 to 5 schedule which is why I was able to get back to the gym. Oh peeps ever want to say things but really can't, I feel that way. It's all good things though I promise that. Well I just wanted to check in and say hi and I will be writing more, I am coming into my season. Love the cooler weather!! So until tomorrow I say Ciao For Now!

I finally have Something To Talk About

For over a year, the better part of two really, I have been trying to lose weight. That was my reason for this blog, I wanted to keep a daily log of my ups and downs, the emotional roller coaster that I was the correct height to ride. It went well for so long. I have readers who subscribe to my blog, I have people from countries that a year ago, I would have sworn were made up, reading my blog! Strangers and friends, all reading my words, for what reason, I really don't know. Who in Russia, what person in Latvia, no really Latvia? Well I finally can say after all this time I actually see a change in my form. A waist has appeared, and I can walk more than a block without feeling like I'm going to pass out. I actually have even pseudo ran across a street and "hopped" onto a curb. Look I have friends of all shapes and sizes and I care for them all. I am changing for me, I am no one to pontificate to anyone. I would never do that. I like people who look different, height, weight, different. We are all beautiful architecture created by whomever you believe, and we make up this neighborhood of ours. It's beautiful to see the differences, like lovely streets lined with interesting houses. Each with its own bits of special add ons, that add to the beauty and make each one unique. Look I'm not knocking cookie cutter houses, but when it's all the same, it can be boring. I refuse to believe we are created to be boring. We are created to live to the fullest of our abilities. I lived the first half of my life on the outer rim of my abilities. Some have said I wasted my youth, part of me agrees but what is done is done. I can only go from here. I'm no great scholar, I'm not a charismatic leader with a following of thousands. I'm just me, silly, short, animal loving, emotional dreamer me. I don't know peoples private thoughts on me, that's their secrets to keep. But I will tell you, I give thanks every day for the friends who stay by me, those that see past my outer shell, or as I like to call it my hard candy coating. The ones who see beauty where others see comical. Those who appreciate what lies inside and underneath.  Just very recently, I was reminded that actions speak louder than words. So very true, I hope my actions show the love I have for you dear friends and if I am lacking in this let me know. I always think it, but I can be a scatterbrained Baggins, and sometimes forget to say it , or I say it too much. Ah well, such is me.  I have a waist, go figure!!!

That's it, nothing great, just my thoughts, brought to mind by the cold medicine I've ingested. If it's all daft, blame Vicks NyQuill not me .  LMAO. Ciao For Now.

A Kind Of Thanksgiving

     Sounds like the title of a Nicholas Sparks book doesn't it? LOL I really have taken a moment today and I sat in a little par near my hose. Very warm out, more like summer than the turning to Autumn. I had just purchased my hubby's birthday gift. I brainstormed this one. He is so hard to buy for, he's a computer guy and I'm really not a computer gal. Oh I've learned quite a bit from him over the years but no where near his gift for understanding these machines. But I digress!  We watch a television show called "Castle". It's very good, cop show with a touch of humor, and he loves it. Boardering on obsession almost, lol, but it's nice to hear him laugh. Well I got two Rick Castle books and since he wanted cask I will put cash in the pages of the book fr him to find. Hehe. Taking him for sushi also. Will be a god night. Now today, I ran a few errands along with picking up his gifty. I came home and he was doing laundry. Does he do it the same as me? No he doesn't but he was DOING THE LAUNDRY! Lets focus on that. I got $65.00 in the mail yesterday from my dad. He likes to pay for my gym membership, as he's so pleased I go and he sees how much better I feel. I told him not to but he still sends it. It's a thing he does simply because he wants too. I can understand that! 😄 I have friends who post owls on my Facebook and Pinterest ages simply because they know I love owls. I have a job once again with people I like. Just know as I'm writing this, hubs put the kettle on and brought me a cup of tea. I ask you how lucky a girl am I?  I really am. I treasure all the little things that they all do for me.  I can be a handful, I can be jealous, I can be a total nutter! Yet they stay by me, and I love each and every one of them. I am so lucky to be urrounded by these people, who do for me, just because. Money? Wish I had a ton of it, not just for me, but for all these people in my life who are there daily, there for my ups and downs, these people who deserve everything good in this lifetime. I don't have that kind of money of course, but I would do whatever I can fr them. So yes this is a Thanksgiving of sorts. I am thankfull for them all.
     That's it for tonight peeps, it's been busy getting used to a schedule again. I will be more stray soon with my posts. Until then, keep looking, and thank you for reading. Ciao For Now

When Did This Become. Crime?

     I'm talking about flirting. I am a big 'ole flirt. I admit it, I enjoy it. It goes no further than that. Makes for relaxed time. Doesn't at long, and then it's bye. That was nice, see ya soon. I do it with friends, I've done it with strangers, I've done it on social meda. It's just me, I don't mean to but it happens. Well tonight I learned a lesson. Ths guy had said hello on a social media sight, saying he tought I was pretty. Well who doesn't like to hear they are attractive to o done, especially when you're not used to it. I replied thank you, very sweet of you. Few days later. I get, "so how are you" I reply and for a month or so we just chatted occasionally. Lately he's been more stronger in hs sexual overtones. Okay I can handle him, I'm savvy. Tonight I get asked what turns me on, what do I find erotic. Okay, flirting turns semi sarcastic as in I'll tell you what you want to hear BUT I'm adding me to it. I say I like porn (not a lie) but I find erotica in most things. The way velvet or fur feels on your skin, textures as you eat food, scent on a private place on a person so that when you smell it it reminds you of that person. That there's an erotic sense to most things if you look. It's not just sex, it's what stimulates all of your senses. Now please note that I truly mean this, I believe it fully.   Next thing I know he asks to Skype with me, tells me we could have fun. NO THANK YOU!! Not interested. Then he mentions 80's music and tells me I let my girly side show before. I write back yes I am girly, joked about Catholic upbringing. Then tell him a funny story about Duran Duran that happened to me.  He says he never got it. I not know who it went to. I texted a pal there to see if he got it. Don't know. But then I see I have a message and lo and behold its a pic of his junk , saying we need to stop talking, don't I want this? I wrote back no and I don't need that on my page. Don't do it again. Then he writes back, calling me a tease and a slut!! Saying I led him on, which I didn't do. I was nice, yes flirty at it times, but that doesn't  a slut make.  I immediately blocked him at that point. I have already deleted people for being too over the top. Hes the first full blocked. I've gotten lots of people asking for pics or to Skype or Kik with them. No no no!!   I was really upset, I texted my friend again, poor guy, only one I know on there, so he got the brunt of my freak out. Forgive me friend if you read this.
     Then right after I shut down my laptop, I started to wonder if maybe I portray myself  in a way I don't realize. Am I being a slut by being able to trump a guy in a conversation where he starts talking sex and I outwit him by replying in a more genteel manor and humor. I got so upset I actually cried for a few minutes. My friends those I love and trust , for a moment I thought I betrayed you all. I think I have no business messaging with people. But I have met some of you on the Internet, several of you who are now my closest and dearet friends, I know you trust me and I trust you. Has it changed so much in 5 years? Is it all just one big meat market now?  Look I'm not a prude but I'm not skyping or sending nudes to these men.they have raw porn on their blogs already, it's not me I can't do that.  I DON'T BETRAY TRUST, I DON'T SHARE ME IN THAT MANNER. There are so many ladies who post nudes but yet I don't see them as sluts. More power to them, I just wonder if they get ths crap in their inboxes?  I like to be sexy for a special person, not everyone out there. What's special about that? I think it's nice to do things for your special someone because they matter, and you want something  private between you & them. I guess  shouldn't worry about the social website but boy I wrote a rant on it! Now I guess I'll be a bitch instead, lol.  Guess you can't win sometimes. I'm just going to post pics of Star Wars and doctor who from now on. Maybe it was a good lesson, I'll say it again, I dont think sluts blush as much as I do. Lol
Ciao for now peeps.

Normally

I would be writing a new blog but I am a bit tired and feeling a bit rough. Not bad but just blah. I will write one tomorrow evening. I'm getting up early for the gym and then work. Do until then. Ciao For Now.

On being a grown up - A thought in my head!

I wanted to be a grown up so much when I was younger. Now that I am one, (at least chronologically)  I'm having second thoughts. I never realised how much my parents shielded me from bad reality.  Things like, Vietnam, having to hold down 3 jobs between them,  not doing for themselves so I could go to "good" schools. I'm sure just the daily grind wore them down. I never knew it though. 
      Now I am aware if such things, of money issues, of world issues, of all the "bad" stuff! I understand my parents so much better now. I'm scared of what is going on around me but because of them, I'm not making it my focal point. I will act accordingly as I must do as an adult, but I will keep my inner child happy also. I will have fun with friends, enjoy sports, go to parties and movies. Do silly things on occasion. Because the one thing they could not teach me is that to be a good adult, you still have to let loose. I never knew why my parents always had house parties and holiday parties. They would send me up to bed but heard laughing and glasses clinking. I now know it was at that time, they had morphed back into kids. Just having fun. Being an adult is not always fun. But it is interesting I suppose. Okay I'll be one!