What a silly night it was

     Last night is what I am referring to.  The hubs made friends with Captain Morgan and I admit I shook his hand a little too  LOL So needless to say we were giddy and laughing to start with  so when a commercial came on that said the word vaginal he was questioning why it is said vaginal, with a short "i" sound, in that context but with a long "i" sound when just said vagina?  He kept repeating this word over and over and I finally shouted (while laughing) "Are you still on the vagina!!?"  Then he looks at me and we both went hysterical laughing!  Then we are watching TV and he is whispering the word vagina over and over, I look at him and he blurts out pussy, the cunt, then a few more colorful words to describe my (& all us gals') sacred place!! I can't stop laughing, then in his most southern redneck voice yells out "Pa, thats some good eatin' pussy!   I just rolled I was laughing so hard.  I tell you after all this time the man still makes me laugh!!
     Peeps I am in a good mood despite some bad news today. A friend of mine had to take his sister off life support and we don't know how long she will last but they know it will end with her passing. I feel so bad for him, and I wish I could take away the pain but I know I can't. I just will light a candle for her to guide her to the next plane safely.  
      Like I said my mood is good. I spoke with my friend today, the one who got the new ink and it looks wonderful. I am so happy for him. I love tattoos, they are sexy and great expression.I am totally jealous in the best of ways and elated that he has fresh ink since I know I too will have some end of March. Man it's the best feeling!! I want to hug him and see it in person!! One day hopefully. 
     I am being good and want to head to the gym but to be honest my knee really hurts. I dont know if the rain has anything to do with it but man it's to the point where I may take my kewl rose cane to work with me tomorrow. Sheesh.  LOL 
    So look my dears you all have a good night, I am getting ready to leave and I have a few errand to run after work so until next time ciao for now

Interesting

     I was thinking of a very different blog but then this idea got me. Have you ever been happier for a friend than  they were? I feel like that tonight. My friend is having a lovely chain of events tonight & the fates have smiled. I am so very happy for him!!

     In a good mood, still jumping off the energy of this past weekend, I keep reliving it in my head. Work is good, and home is too. How lucky a lady am I?

     I don't really have to much on my mind tonight, I really just want to lay back in my bed and chill to some music. I believe I am going to, so on that quick note I say Ciao For now

Sometimes it takes away the pain

Or at least gives your mind something to settle on instead. Trying not to think of the pain in your leg. Mother I cursed it by talking about how it seemed to have gone, yet here it is. My friends I can't call anyone to cry to, I don't want to cry as unlike the other day these tears are not happy. The tingle is more a burn now and my leg is actually hot. A visit to Dr. Martin later this morning is in order. I will not give in to this pain, I won't be weak, sweet Aradia give me strength. The little girl inside me wants to be held and told all will be fine! I think there is something about the hospital that causes this! I'm crazy in this thinking but logic dictates that the first time I ever got this I came from hospital. I was in the hospital just over a week ago. Perhaps something they use on me, something odd that only in rare cases do people have allergies to. I know this will fade but right now it's brutal. Does this prove my character, that I am fighting through pain. If so then my hubs has the most stellar character ever! I'm trying to talk to myself here, reason with my mind, while the entire time I just want to cry! I am waiting for the pain killers to do their job. I took several, I don't care I want this pain gone. I am walking upwards and I won't be stopped. My leg is very red, it's hit to touch. The lotion feels cool and good. 50 pounds ago, who really knows, could be more as it was 4 years ago, this mystery aliment appeared. It knocked me down back then, not this time!!! My resolve is high, I am in a better place, and this will be gone much sooner than later. The Motrin is helping slightly as its starting to work. Thank you for staying with me my readers. I will be fine, I will be strolling Central Park soon enough and then make my dream a reality by walking dear old London town, enjoying the company of friends and havibgs lots of those first times!!! So many plans, and aspirations in my soul. Mother watch me and give me strength when I can't find it. You always send it to me in the most interesting ways. Thank you for that. Little spiritual tangent there - lol
Well as hoped, I am calmer and the pain is much less than before. So I am going to try and settle back to bed. I am fine, this here is a work in progress but all things have a cost. I strive to always have the payment. The mind is amazing in what it can get the body to accomplish (as long as its wanted). Okay before I get preachy and weird, well okay weird is a given, I'm signing out! Don't be alarmed by anything written just now. We all work through pain differently so again thanks for walking me through it! Ciao For Now

Yes It really is a new blog! LOL

     I know that it's been several days but it's been busy so I apologize for not writing sooner. So many things occured and for once all of it was good!!  I think the thing I am most proud of is that this Sunday I now have lost 50 pounds!! I am amazed and it makes me want to do more. I am not silly and will do it right, meaning not starving  myself and trust me I don't. I feel like I'm eating all the time.  I do avoid desserts except for special occasions and I had one this weekend. We shared the yummyness though so not as bad. It was bannoffee (not spelt correct I think) basically banana custard, caramel, almond & graham crackers, HOW can you not sample this (?) and it was just delicious! Shared though it was not a large amount, so I got a nice tatse. I also tasted oysters this weekend for the first time and I adored them, East & West coast types. I have found that there are so many types but I enjoyed both of these. The east coast were larger and meatier, and they were served with this red wine sauce that was to die for!! I look forward to sampling more but it may be awhile since most folks here in VA don't go to restaurants that have them. I will though. LOL  I also tasted a bloody mary for the first time and although very spicy, it was good. I would order one next brunch time but not as spicy. Although I enjoy mimosas as I like champagne so very much - hehehe - burp!  ;-P 
     Well enough about food, lets talk people.  I love people and people watching, and Gods, I love being in a situation where I can have a nice talk with a friend and just go on one tangent after another and yet it all makes some sense. You can be yourself and hell even spill food on yourself and not worry (too much) if it happens. Ever look so forward to seeing someone and then you get a bit shy when you first do?  It happens to me on occasion, I get over it very quickly but it's like I need an invisible nudge, very odd for sure. LOL
     I had the BEST weekend though, good food, great company and a warmth and comfort level that only comes from mutual respect and caring and...... liking the same shit!!  HAHAHA  of course I am always willing to try new things so thats a plus too. 
    Peeps I ate, and drank but even though it was filling it was an occasion and then still losing 2 pounds since Thursday BONUS.  This past weekend was as near to perfect as it gets, it is now a treasured memory. I could go on & on but I won't as I think you all get the idea. It gave me something also, it gave me a shot  in the arm. To keep going the path I have chosen now, a renewed sense of purpose shall we say. There are those in your life, or situations,  that do that for you; this was one of those! So here's to steady steps, proper choices and more outrageous times to come. So until next time  Ciao For Now!

Have No Fear

I will be writing a new blog. I will do it Monday before I go to work. Lots to talk about and thanks for being patient while I was away. Ciao For Now

Whatever!!

    That kind of day, just have to deal with shit sometimes and I have put my foot in my mouth more times than I care to say.  So I really don't feel like writing a blog tonight. I will post this pic:

Isn't he the most adorable little guy??!  A good friend sent this to me this morning before I even knew he had.  I hate to admit that the foot in mouth started probably right after this was sent to my work email. I didnt see it until much later this morning. I went to look at this picture at least 15 times today so I could smile and compose myself. Thank you my friend for knowing me so well :-) 

I can't really explain it but it seems the more I want to do the less I either get done or am required to,  but sometimes you want to do things and you are not sure if you should. Well not saying I am not in a decent mood because I am, it's just that today I was more "Mary" than I would have liked.   LOL

So no real blog today, see you all tomorrow. Ciao For Now

A Good Monday

     Today since it was a holiday I slept in. Well I kind of slept in. I got up about 4AM then again at 7:30. Made some oatmeal and a cup of tea, and looked at what time the place opened to get my tire.  Fed the cat and cleaned the bathroom, oh yes, she's living large people!!  Showered and went to get my tire and although it was fixed I did not like the place. They are telling me that things are wrong with my car and I can tell you that it was inspected only a few months back and they were trying to get me to buy things I did not need.  No dumb blond here. I know a tad about cars, well not a lot but I knew what he said was NOT right - Hubs later validated my thoughts (and he DOES know cars), and what he was telling me was bunk!!  I was tempted to tell them I would contact the better business bureau but heck I'll just give a bad review on Google.

     Was nice to get out today and get my nails done. Went to the store to get some chicken for dinner. Made lots extra since I can bring it to work, with some veggies.  I actually got to the gym today as well, went between the bathroom cleaning and the tire getting. LOL So now I am just relaxing with the hubs watching Top Gear. Ahhh Richard Hammond you are just so adorable!! Davy Jones started it, my attraction for shorter English men LOL   Dudley Moore, now Richard LOL  See being 5' nothing the height thing is not a big issue for me, hell Davy Jones is only 5'5" I think :-) 

     Hahaha I wish you could see this....hubs gave the cat some treats and she doesnt want them, but he has a sugar free peppermint and he offered it to her. She sniffed it then licked it several times. She liked it. LOL  Guess she is trying to get the "I just licked my ass" taste out of her mouth. 

     Back to work tomorrow, and I am looking forward to it. I like it there. Thursday I am going to get my car detailed. I've had it almost 5 years, and yes I've washed her but I want her to look sharp and sexy. In reality, I am hoping they can get the freakin' sparkles off my seat. LOL  Allow me to explain. I had (still have) several blouses that had (most are gone lol) these sparkles on them and riding in the car in the hot summer sun, top down, they adhered to the leather.  So they may look decorative but I want them gone! Of course the long drive will dirty the car up but this way a quick wash will get it right back to sexy.

     Well slow news day today LOL  but there you have it. Hopefully my mind will come up with some what if's tomorrow.  Until then take care and Ciao For Now.

Sunday Snow

     They said we were due to get some flurries but they have yet to appear. The weather is very gray outside but it's all good. I sometimes dig that type of sky. It's interesting how many shades of gray there are. Makes sense really as sometimes when bad things happen, you need to look at it from a step back and see how gray it really is. Like today I go out and found that I need a new front tire. Seems that part of the belt came away from the tire. I didn't even know it could do that.  Sucks, but quite doable as tomorrow is a day off and a there is a NTB tire store right near  my home. Now I call this mid-gray. See could be worse, could have happened on my way to NY, a blow out would be a definite dark gray!! All in the way you see things. 

     I'm trying to be so positive. Heard from my doctor after I got home on Friday and turns out that my sugar levels are high, now it's not insulin injection time, nothing that bad at all, it's more like keep doing what I have been doing, eating better and getting exercise. This is mild and he also told me that within the year it should be non existent but I wonder what it may have been 6 months ago if I had not decided to change my life eating life style. He told me that from my last visit almost 2 years ago (I know bad Mary) I weigh 56 pounds less. Wow how much did I get up to? Oh I know and I am just gobsmacked (love that word - thanks BBC America) that I ever got that high to begin with. You know you look at people and wonder the same thing about then and here you are just as guilty. I just don't move enough and I have been trying to rectify that. Yes I get to the gym, no not as much as I should. Obviously the trainer session was postponed until this coming Wednesday for me. I am going to incorporate light weights and a few other machines into my workout. I have a stress test on march 2nd to see what level I need to push myself too. I did well on my last one and that's when I had that 50+ extra weight so I should do well on this one also. I want this full physical done, I want to know where I stand. I'm too young to be old. Hindsight being 20-20 of course this should have occurred years ago, but no sense crying over what could have been, and concentrate on what is now. I'm going to thrive!!!! That's a promise not to any of you but to myself! Not that my friends & family don't matter but this is for me alone to do. I do ask that occasionally if I get down just give me a hug or tell a bad joke, I don't get down for long. According to Doctor he says stick with lean meats, low carbs, good grains and even cake or sweets on occasion. Been doing that and with the added movement, I should be able to accomplish all my plans.

     One thing I am planning, my main one, is my trip to England. I was speaking to my friend's daughter yesterday on FB and she asked if I was still coming. I told her yes and she said she was the happiest 11 year old ever!! I got teary at that, I'm a sap I know. Then I was advised to get with her Dad to plan the time, I can only assume she means so I can hang with the entire clan :-) I think she is secretly around 25 and not 11. I want to share lots of fun times when I get there. I know me though, I'm sure I will wander around by myself and get lost in the place I have have dreamed of going since I was a little kid.

     Ah just noticed that the flurries have started. Looks pretty :-) 

     Well I should be back later as I have to get dinner ready. We are having a pork roast, with brussels and garlic cauliflower. Made a sugar free pumpkin custard for dessert too. Yummy all around :-)    Catch ya in a little while.  

     I'm back and dinner was yummers, and left overs to boot! Just planning out my week, oh and the flurries have stopped. Nothing on the ground. 
I am going for my tire tomorrow AM and then a mani/pedi.  I broke 3 nails in the hospital, so I cut the rest down. I'm not the kind of lady that will go ballistic when I break a nail. I love my nails long & deep red but they still have some length to them and as long as they look neat. I will go with maybe a pinker shade until they get longer. We shall see, maybe I will do them black or teal, funk out a bit ;-) I want to get new clothes and dress up a bit. More dresses, tights. Lacy bras and panties. I see so many great outfits on Tumblr and I can't wait until I can wear them. Thing is, yea I'm a bigger gal but my boobs are not what you think they would be.  I am okay with my body, I accept it 100% BUT I wish my boobs were bigger. A woman needs a nice squishy set  {RANDOM!!!LOL} Well I don't have huge tits but I do have a huge heart. I will be square with you and treat you the best I know how, so i am figuring I'm pretty okay :-)   I will admire what I like on the other ladies and work with what I have to be the only thing I can be...MYSELF.  I think I'm a bit overwhelmed right now. The last few days have given me so much to think on, and with issues that several of my friends (& their families) have had (are having) it's a lot to digest. Life is just so precious and I plan on living mine for a long long long time. So until next time lovelies I say Ciao For Now
   

Life is Definately Interesting

     You are at your desk at work taking a break writing your blog, and who knew 24 hours later you would be writing your blog from a room in a hospital near your home. Life has a way of throwing curve balls and you better make sure your glove is well oiled and ready to catch them. I thought I just pulled a muscle or was pushing hard at the gym, I wasn't worrying about my health as that's why I am going to the gym right? Well last night I just could not catch a breath. It had been like this for as few days. I tend to get colds in my lungs as that is a weak spot for me and it's usually accompanied by some form of breathing issue. Plus people at work ill so I'm thinking here comes a cold. This felt different though, I actually got dizzy on the way to the kitchen to fill my water tumbler. So there I was meeting my husband at the hospital and my blood pressure went way up. Still no idea why and its coming down but I'd love to know what's up.  No blood clots thank goodness but the mystery is still here. We may never know but if needed give me meds and I can tell you this  I will work even harder to get rid of any meds I may get. I aked the nurse about sex and the nurse said and I quote "no worries get as nasty as you want!"  OMG  hahaha I just laughed , a lady after my own heart.  LMAO  So let me out of here people so I can go get nasty..I am so bad aren't I. I swear I think of things other than sex I promise. ;-)

     My poor hubby, when he left here he had been here 36 hours, I made him go home, he kept walking to the door then back to me, then back to the door and finally left. I watched the shadow of his feet under the door walk away and I felt really good.  Just knowing someone cares about you. Knowing there are people that would care if you were no longer there. 

     Well I just wanted to say hi and let you all know what happened. I will have more tomorrow but I'm tired right now from the prodding and tests :-)    So Ciao For Now       Hold up ----- she's back lol
   Okay it's now 10:30PM and I am back, I am so fucking tired and yet I can't sleep. I have a massive headache and I miss my hubby and my kitty, I want to go home. Haven't told my family I am in here and actually only one dear friend knows and of course my work peeps, so I'm a bit lonely & bored also. My problem I know :-D  I have no clue why the headache, unless its because I've had so many dyes and meds put into me in the last 25 hours....has it really only been that long? Yea I guess so, I came in last night...Holy shit no wonder!! Time flies when your having fun (that was sarcasm)  Look my heart is okay they tell me, no clots either, but why high blood pressure they wonder? So they keep me here to observe and try to lower it. Its a lot lower then when I came in and as to why??  HELLOOOOOO  I'm fat!! Seems like a reasonable answer to me, so give me meds and let me continue working on it.  Like I said I will work it and be able to throw any pills out the window soon enough BUT LET ME GO HOME!!!  Sorry to bitch but I hate it here!!  Okay I'm done, I need to sleep, maybe I can sleep in this chair, gonna try the bed again. Wish me luck.  I feel like a little kid right now who just wants her Mom to hold her and tell her she will be fine. I know that's self indulgent and I am a grown woman, who in reality made her own problem and just has to take care of herself. Maybe that's why I really need a hug though yet maybe that's why I shouldn't get one either. I think I'm talking a bit of jibberish now, see told ya I was tired. LOL   Ciao all

Hump Day Once Again

     Well it seems that work has settled into a semi-normal routine now and thigs are almost back to order. I said ALMOST, lol and a few things still hang about but nothing like it was.  I have never seen that in my almost 4 years here. Still I really like where I work and the people I work with, which is a rarity I know.
     So yesterday I bring home dinner and we had a lovely albeit carby meal. By that I mean we shared an brick oven pizza starter that was very tatsy but I like brick oven pizza to be more crispy. The main meal was nice, hubs had salmon florentine in a garlic buttery sauce (very good) and I had rigatoni bolagnese with meatballs. Also very good. We sampled each others meal and I left more than half which I admit I was proud of since even last year I would have enjoyed every. Now though it would be way to many carbs and I was quite saited with the small helping & actually I ate very little today ans I think I am still full.  I feel the stuffd feeling that I haven't had in a while. here is the sacrilege, we had a wonderful semolina roll each (about the size of a large golf ball each) and we THREW OUT the rest!! See,  I can make a meal of just those rolls and some good olive oil with herbs to dip them in, add a few cocktails and it's a party!! No not this time though, out in the trash they went. (should have saved them for birds but wanted them out of the house LOL) I had my tatse of this meal on a special night. I have really found the key, it's enjoying the food but not overdoing it. Over the last year I gained some weight so by losing the 44 pounds or 46 depending what day I step on the scale I am losing really only about 30 since I had gained. I could kick myself for that because I could have been over 50 pound loss had I stayed true but thats why in July I said enough!! Tine to get serious and we all know it wil take time, but by next year I plan to be if not my goal, damn near close to it!! My manager is doing great and a bonus is she is giving me her old clothes, so I will have a new wardobe. Of course I will have to hem all the slacks as she is taller than I am.
     Problem is i just love food. I love to cook food, I love to feed other people. I enjoy textures and tastes and unfortunately have a terrible sweet tooth but even that as of late has not been bad.  I had something called a Jammie Dodger a fe months back. I watch so much BBC America and hear about these on all the shows I just had to have them. I enjoyed them becasue they were not overly sweet. Cookies here in America are really sweet. Even some of the recipies. I have cut sugar in half of many of them and they taste fine, usually even better. You can taste the other ingredients like jam or spices. We here in the states really do need to learn portion control again.  It's gotten out of hand. I don't drink soda much anymore but one place I went to had diet root beer (LOVE ROOT BEER) so I ordered a small.  It came in a 20 ounce cup. I said to the waitress I ordered a small and she informed me that was a smal. Really?? 20 ounces small?? Years ago my mom had a hamburger press from Tupperware that she would pre make patties for cook outs we used to have.  I bought a new one about 5 years ago then brought her containers home to use.  Nope couldn't do it, could not use hers as the burger size had increased about 40%. The press didn't fit into the burger holder, holy cow that's huge!!  (No pun intended) Big doesnt always mean better with food.
     I am learning so much online about what to at with whatand hey I'm from New York and I love bagels.  All carbs but instead of butter use peanut butter. Thus way yu get the protein from that instead of adding pure fat to pure carbs.  Smart choices are key. Changing your way of eating really requires 2 things. Thinking first and not impluse eating. Then second is planning! Taking time to see whats available and what to prepare.  It can be more expensive since veg is pricey but hey...I'm worth it. We all are, right?   So yes when something special happens I may (okay will!!) induge a bit but day to day I am diligent in getting in my salads and proteins and no carbs.   You know what else I did? You may think I'm really stupid but I have a special plate I use. It's so pretty and it's a bit smaller than the normal dinner plate. I use this to eat off of so maybe one night I'm not thrilled with what I'm eating but I AM eating it off my special plate.  LOL Kind of like a 2 year old finishing their food so they can see the pretty picture at the bottom of their bowl.  hahahahaha  
     Its' been a slow day so not much to speak about and really to busy for me to read anythng that got me pondering, so i will just leave this as it stands.  So thanks for coming by and...... oh okay I will post a funny pic...bwahahaha 

It's so wrong but so funny!!!  Well there ya go one and all and as always Ciao For Now

Happy Valentine's Day

     Okay the day has come and it actually has been a good one. Hubs truly surprised me with flowers, sugar free candy and a cute card. Sweet night last night and tonight I'm bringing dinner home from a very nice rustic Italian restaurant. Spoke to some dear friends today & so I have enjoyed the day. I hope you all were with your loved ones too.   I was thinking what to write for tonight's blog, and "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" came to my mind for some reason. I mean he needed to find the real reason of the season, so for me, as I pointed out in my last blog, realized its not the gifts, it's the thoughts and feelings of love. I have felt this love today, and yes I adore my gifts and am so very appreciative of them, but the real emotions were strong.  So I took the Grinch and turned it around a little and made it into a Valentine's, so here you are they rest of my blog for today. Enjoy what came out of my head just now, with some things the same as they were in the original. LOL  This would have been when the Grinch had taken all the Chritmas gifts and decorations so they couldn't have Christmas and boy was he wrong :-D

They're finding out now that their Valentines aren't coming!
They're just waking up, I know just what they'll do.
Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
then the Girls down in Cityville will all cry, "BooHoo."
How could it be so? It came with no ribbons!... They had no new tags!... 
There were no Dior packages, Tiffany Boxes, Coach bags!
He puzzled and puzzed till his puzzler was sore. Then the Vinch thought of something he hadn't before.
Maybe Valentine's Day, he thought... doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Valentines Day, perhaps... means a little bit more! 

And what happened, then? Well, in Cityville they say - that the Vinch's small heart grew three carrots that day. And then - the true meaning of Valentine's came through, and the Vince found the strength of *ten* Cupids, plus two! 
Welcome, Valentine's Day, bring you hear. To all the people far and near. 
Valentine's Day is ours to share,  so long as we have love & care. 
Valentine's Day will always be just as long as we have we.
Welcome Valentine's Day while we kiss, caring hearts, think of those we miss.
Welcome Valentine's Day we hold you dear just as we hold our loved ones near.  

Have a great night and until next time Ciao For Now

Let the Flowers Flow

     Hahaha  I know I posted about the upcoming Valentines day flowers arriving and as if on cue today the procession has begun. Two people have gotten huge arrangments of lovely roses.  I figure the florists are delivering what they can today because tomorrow they will be bombarded with deliveries. I work until 8 so it will be a very low key night for us. I will more than likely bring home Outback Steakhouse or the like and we will have a nice dinner at home. I would love to go out to dinner but hubs is way to uncomfortable after a days work, and that's fine. I will maybe see what the weekend brings. 
     It's a long weekend for me actually which is nice, hubs has to work Monday. It's a holiday here in the USA, it's Presidents Day.  I will enjoy a day by myself doing girly things, like giving myself a facial, getting a mani/pedi, then cook a nice dinner which is a rare thing during the week due again to my schedule. I love to cook for hubby, heck I love to cook & bake period!  Our next house must have a big kitchen so I can whip up delicacies galore.  My friend in maine and I often have talked about opening a pie shop up there. Yes I AM Mrs. Lovett  hehehe  I tell you this, if you say you use Maine blueberries, the tourists would buy them for sure. Maybe that will be my retirement.
    I will be back in a bit as it's the middle of the day and I have things to do here at work.
   I'm back & back onto VD Day. LOL  Just looking forward to tomorrow ending on a high note and Valentine's over for another year. I love LOVE, those who know me realize this. I use the word all the time but I do mean it. I have affection for so many things and people. Most of my friends I have crushed on at one point or another, even those who like the same sex.  I just do, it lasts maybe a day or so and of course I know where I am and what I mean to them and vice versa, so no one pays me any mind in those moments.  Hubs asked what I wanted for Valentine's Day and I really had no answer. I still want that Tiffany bracelet but thats too much to ask, maybe a Pandora bracelet. (God I hope the ones I got at Christmas were real, I believe they were, should have gotten one more hehe) I don't have one of my own yet. Would be fun to collect the beads and trinkets for them. I tell hubby this and I always seem to have to provide a URL so it takes the fun out of it. Not his fault though, he is not a jewelry person. I'm lucky he wears his wedding band. I wish he would pierce his ear, I'd love to get him an earring. It really isn't about presents though, it's sharing yourself with another person that makes it beautiful.
     The reality is that I am content, my love is true and over the years its deep. I hold this true for my spouse as well as my friends, so to limit that love to one day a year seems so, well, limiting!  I like to do things all through the year to show my love. I may see something that reminds me of someone, or I will write a story or poem for someone, or take a picture. All throughout the year I look for things that hubby likes and will bring home surprises. He would bring me home these wonderful candles but the lady he got them from doesnt work with him any more. I love the thought of getting flowers tomorrow but I am not expecting any, and that's fine. I know hubby knows I love him and he loves me back.   My friends love me and I love them back , my family loves me and I love them back also.  So you know what? Tomorrow isn't that bad a day after all. Love is beautiful and true love rare, in a mate and in friends. So cherish those people in your life who fall into that rare love, and what the hell, call them tomorrow and wish them a Happy Valentine's Day, tell then all you love them, it costs nothing except maybe a phone call. Best of all hugs & kisses actually BURN calories!!  Hot damn!!!!  :-D  
So as always, until next time  Ciao For Now

Sunday part 2

Well as I lay here in bed after watching Adele give a wonderful performance on the 2012 Grammys, I just can't but wonder what the hell is wrong with Niki Manaj?? That lady is one weird chick and yes I know she is riding the crazy train to moneyland.  I sit here and wonder what I could do. Damn I was turned down when I auditioned for The Gong Show (I was 16) because I was too normal. Hahaha Me ..normal, silly people! lol

Well I have a loving hubby and a roof over  my head, food in the fridge, a job, those who love me, so who needs all that fame & money??   (raises hand, looks around, lowers hand)

So I will now say adeiu and Ciao For Now, until next time.

Just Some Sunday Thoughts

    It's 10:35 on a very blustery Sunday. Hubs is still kind of asleep, he opens his eyes smiles and makes kissy sounds then he's back to snoring. LOL So I am trying to be quiet. Not to hard this morning as I have no plans on going out (with the wind, the temp feels like 10 degrees F)  I am propped up next to him in bed, having brought up my mug of tea, and listening to the chimes in our yard going full blast in all the wind. All in all it's cozy in here :-D   

    Was speaking with my Dad on Friday night and he was all excited about the winter social at his church. His lady is going to pick him up and they will go together. When I say his lady I mean the one he has been out to dinner with several times, yet he insists they are just friends.  I asked him if he was going to bring her some Valentine's candy and he said no. I told him he was a lousy boyfriend, that made him laugh (my intent I admit) then he told me she called him to make sure they were still going. So that's the game eh dad?? He plays hard to get. I told him that along with a few things including she better not answer the phone when I call him today. He was just laughing his butt off and it was good to hear.

     Obviously we did not go away yesterday as I was hoping. Hubs skin problems were acting up really badly, worse than I have seen in a long time and he gets, shall we say, a bit grumpy, which I can't fault him as I'm sure he feels miserable. Although, now I hate to sound selfish, I really wanted to go away!!! To ease my soul I drowned my sorrow in pizza.  NOT GOOD I know but it's a crutch. I was feeling blue about all of it, his skin problem which I am totally helpless to do anything about, not going to the movies and away for the overnight like we had spoken of, my knee still being f'd up so I caved. I am not proud of it, as I am stronger than that but occasionally it gets to me.  Back on track though today 100%, I don't cave for long. Life is going to have those moments though won't it? Still the new dress I bought is a size smaller and loose so the results are there, I go to the gym in the AM again, then every other day. Even get to see the trainer next Saturday. I have a 10:00am appointment.

     Now the most surprising news is that Whitney Houston has died at the age of 48. Already on facebook I am seeing the haters posting things like "another junkie dead" and things like that.  As I posted there, I know she had a problem, I also know she did go to re-hab and seemed to be doing well. I judge no one on their pasts or their addictions, god knows I have mine, but I am sad she is gone. She was a huge talent, I wish her R.I.P.

     Well hubs is awake and the cat has joined us here as well. She loves to be part of the family and cuddle with us. This morning she was spawled on my leg with her ARSE in my face. Nothing like the love of a kitty  hahahaha  Okay Im back, you don't know it but I was off making a nice cup of tea for hubby. Today as I said is an indoor day and I do have a baby card to make for a lady at work. So until later I will say there you have the weekend round up so far, and as always Ciao For Now

I Can Do This - How Cool

     First off we will talk food, I have been having oatmeal and then grilled chicken salad for lunch and dinner. This has been very efficient and easy during the week. This morning I added up the calories and they hit 800 exactly. Now add the hummus or string cheese I have for snacks and the v8 I have in the morning I'm looking at about 1000 calories. Not enough but I'm not sure what else to add. Maybe switching the meat to shrimp or burger may help. I can have some carbs now but I am hesitant. Oh well I will talk to the lady at the gym in the morning. Just thought I'd give you some numbers of my eating habits as of late. lol

     The thing I can do is my own nails. I mean I used to get acrylic over my real nails and they would actually use a dremel, not good for the nails. So one girl said get a gel nail polish instead. The acrylic is in the polish and it comes off with acetone, no dremel needed. I had this done and you do the polish like regular except you use the UV lamp after each application. You take the polish off with a special remover or acetone. So after about 5x going I said I can do this. Well one nail split a little, but tonight I took off this polish and used the scraper tool to get all the remaining bits of polish off , I silk wrapped the split and glued the nail. Tomorrow night I will do the rest of my nails and get to play with my new toy, yep a UV lamp purchased on Ebay (got it cheap) so this way I can do my own gel polish at home. I bought 2 colors of the special polish. The one i will try first is a dark deep red... ooh saucy!! lol  I will be able to do this and save 30 dollars every 2 weeks. Hey this is a good thing. Of course me being me I took a pic of my fixed nail sans color  - told ya my own nails :-) 

I love that I can do this myself LOL   little things make me happy.     okay darn my computer is running out of battery so I will cut this short, slow day anyway. So until next time ciao for now

Less Than A Week Away

     Yes in less than 7 days that holiday with the cute little cherub shooting arrows at lovers hearts will be upon us. One of the ladies at work, a newlywed, has already gotten a small "countdown gift"  A WHAT!!!?????  You are pulling my chain right? Nope - all true. So she will be getting 7 little gifts, like the 7 plagues of Egypt they will be arriving for all of us to view and make oooh's & aahh's over. Now don't get me wrong, I am genuinely happy for her but Valentine's Day is a day when I notice the empty space on my desk. I do get a gift and last year I got this very netbook I am typing this blog on so in no way am I complaining in that area. I also got him a giftie in case you were wondering, I not a heartless bitch! LOL Yet there is something about flowers that just appeals to the romantic in me. I do get them from him and from friends and I just go gaga over them. They smell divine and look beautiful. Every Spring I buy tulips for my desk to welcome the season. I just love flowers, I have them in the house as well. I would love to have a green thumb but no, so it's the florist for me. Now all this really does sound petty and needy and I don't mean it to be and if no flowers arrive on Valentine's Day I won't be very upset as I am secure in my hubby's love and the love I get from my friends as well.   

      Speaking of love, it really is something special and over just the last few months I have really come to appreciate the subtlety of it. Especially with friends. I have a very over zealous nature which I am trying to calm and I'm finding when you don't over push and just listen (both figuratively and actually) you see the love and have a much better give and take. I think I can say now after analyzing myself that when I start a friendship I want that passion and excitement to continue and it seems it always dies down but then I finally realized its still there but you need to leave it be and just be secure it's there. Hard lesson I'm going to admit but one well learned as of late. God knows I've said how much I love my friends but it sounds hollow when said too often. Seeing my girl this past weekend just made it sink in. As we hugged and got teary my memory surged and the love I have for her opened like a blossom. Then for the duration of our time spent together there was that comfortable knowing. Example would be when during a very touching part of the play we both reached out and held hands while the performer sang her song. Not one word was spoken between us, but the love was very much there & felt. Now we are not near each other but we will be again and the flower will blossom again. I think I always wonder if they are looking forward to seeing me as much as I am to see them. Don't we always wonder that? LOL   Now the love I feel for my Hubby has also settled into a comfortable knowing.  Oh sure there are moments when we want to kill each other but the love is, as with my dearest friends also, deep rooted! That flower blooms often and sometimes in a most surprising way or time. He can still make me laugh and gets my heart aflutter with gestures he can't even begin to think would cause that reaction. THOSE are the best, because it comes naturally, not forced.

     So maybe it's not weird to have a holiday devoted to love, after all Love Makes The World Go 'Round, Love Is A Many Splendid Thing, All You Need is Love, Love Will Keep Us Together, okay I'll stop now hehehe  I do love love, it's passion, it's fire. The beauty and grace of it. It's excitement and thrills. The softness and the power. Making love, slowly and intense and then faster and harder feeling its raw heat and savage need. 

     One little four letter word has so much behind it. So here's to you love, may all of us know you, and feel you, and share you. So with these thoughts I say Ciao For Now

There But For the Grace Of God Go I

     Today due to some news I've gotten from a few (no less than 4!! ) friends today, my mind went to thoughts ranging from somber to mystifying. My heart is with them and I KNOW all will be FINE!  Yet it boggles the mind (well mine anyway) sometimes how you have us little beings of all shapes and sizes, and things happen to those you don't think wouldn't, yet the ones who are likely targets seem to come out unscathed.  I eat bunny food and no carbs because I am trying to get fit. A friend is going to have surgery to help her attain this. Another friend had a family member taken ill suddenly, my dad who is at the age where he says he is on borrowed time is doing well yet slowing way down. Jobs we feel secure in can end at a moments notice. Spouses change for no reason. Who the hell knows how the cards will fall? We live our lives never knowing and we try to be the best we can. Speaking for myself I have fallen short of this many times, still do on occasion and we all say the same thing when we falter, " I'm only human". We are only human and we have weaknesses and faults but we battle to overcome these. Does it matter what we do? I often wonder things like this when I see a things that "Beat The Odds" There are those that believe the day you are born that somewhere in a great huge book the day you die is written next to it. SOOOOOO does that mean no matter what you do you won't die until then. Hi St. Peter  how are you?  Go Back you're early!!   WHAT!!??  or Congratulations you won all that money on a $1 lottery ticket OR so sorry that $100 you used to buy all those tickets didn't win you anything.  Is there a ryhme or reason to anything?!  I'd like to believe there is a baseline and we grow from that.  Some folks lived charmed lives it seems and other struggle, this will never change. Why is it like this?? To me it's balance. If everythng was always wonderful and perfect then you would never really appreciate anything, the opposite is also true , if you have strife or trouble and then good happens you treasure it and want to hold onto it! Light/dark, good/bad, yin/yang, day/night..shall I go on?  For me I feel like I am always fighting this invisible force yet on the days when it seems to be resting I feel odd in a way that I can't really explain, like something is missing. I don't know, thinking about it hurts my head LOL  I hope this offends no ones ideaologies, we all believe what we believe but I sure would love to know who is driving this bus of life!
Wow see what no carbs does to a person!!?? LMAO  I get this way sometimes, really deep but actually I am very lighthearted    no really   I AM

Well its time to go and I need to shake off this macabre image I'm presenting   tune in next time for the lighter side of blogging, maybe something sexy.......ooh baby
LOL  Ciao for now

Quiet Monday

     It's so funny, I try to do this blog every day and I really have a lot that went on this weekend but I'm just tired and don't feel like writing it all down right now. Reason I'm tired is between the rushing around, the driving, the walking the city, then gym this am, I am draind. BUT I will write more in the AM so to those of you who read this in the evenings or early morn, my apologies. I will write when I get up but few things I will touch on. 1) My getting to the gym on a more regular schedule, as a matter of fact have an appointment with trainer on Thursday. 2) my trip to see Godspell on Broadway and seeing my soul sister (SO THRILLING  I LOVE HER) and lots more little tidbits.
    One thing I will share reall quick is when I was driving home on Sunday, i stopped at the rest stop I normally go to and walk into the ladies toilet only tho find a man washing his hands. Needless t say he loked at me like I was wrong them I told him that he was in the ladies room. He was shocked and embarrassed and quickly excused himself. I was laughing to myself, hell I've used the mens room when the ladies was packed. Did have to wonder though, didn't he notice something missing from the walls?  LOL
    Well friends, including the newest country to read this blog, Turkey. I say Ciao For Now.

What a huge surprise!!

     Well the Super Bowl is on and The NY Giants came out of the gate strong, but the New England Patriots are starting to show some moves. Ah what will be will be. I like the commercials  LOL     I am tired boys & girls. What a surprise wonderful Saturday it was.  A dear friend, a woman who is like a sister to me called to say she had an extra ticket to see the Broadway play Godspell.  Okay this is huge!! Whys you ask? Well I will tell you :-D  1) I haven't seen her in over 4 years, 2) Found out the entire family is there (Her daughter is my God Daughter) 3) We met 22 years ago because of a Godspell performance. So off I left Saturday morning up to New York. Saw my dad and did a little laundry for him when I got there LOL   Then got ready and went into Manhattan. Parked and walked a few blocks to Planet Hollywood where we met up. After a tearful hello we went inside to eat. Then off to the theater, we walked about 5 blocks and then saw such an incredible show. It was just so moving. She & I were holding hands while we watched the show. This woman is so dear to me, you don't need to share blood to share your heart. I have a few people I feel this way about and seeing her gave me the shot in my arm I so very needed.    Here is a pic of the two of us at Planet Hollywood :-)

     I have to tell you my legs cramped last night so badly. I brought magnesium pills though just in case. Between the driving, and the walking and more driving they are not used to it and just one more reason to stay my course. I did have a drink last night but I had salmon for dinner with veggies so I was good there.  As another dear friend told me, unless I bust my butt going to the gym on a regular basis I will plateau. Smart man and I head his words and getting to the gym in the morning. I think the best way to stop my leg cramps is to move them.  I have more pics of my magical night but right now I must be honest, I am tired and i think there is a bubble bath and sleep about to happen. So more tomorrow, and have a great week all of you. Ciao For Now

Sometimes It's just fuckin' hard!!!!!!!!!!

     Today is one of those days. I'm not talking about work being hard or there being too much traffic! I'm talking about trying to fight the hardest opponent you ever can fight....YOURSELF! It's the eternal battle of angel on one shoulder and devil on the other, except this time,  neither makes sense and neither is good for you. You just have to fight your demons and mine come in the form of food. Food I shouldn't have.  I won't have! But damn if it's all encompassing, your thoughts drift to the places you pass on the way home, filled with carbs and sugar and delicious things like pizza and garlic bread, fries and cookies. I really am not tempted by the candy near my desk but the folks here (all young & thin) are going to Chipotle tonight for dinner. Lovely place with burrito bowls filled with barbacoa & rice and salsa and guacamole and cheese and beans , sour cream.....I just am feeling weak right now - I am having a fat day which is making me more upset. Yes even fat people have fat days, we feel even more fat, that gravity is working overtime. I'm not sure why, it started last night. The same way I couldn't eat yesterday; I couldn't sleep last night.  2AM, 3AM, 5AM finally getting up to start the day. Having  a good hair day too and make up looks decent but I feel bloated. I argue with myself, like last night I was laying in bed and trying to see where I have lost some.  Yet today I feel like I haven't lost an ounce and then that makes me feel like why bother and I really have to push myself to stay on track.  "No one said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it" that's the saying right?   My rational mind knows of course it's right but that one small part of my brain the "Gimmie" part wants to give in. I will not give in, the weakest I was today was that for my snack I had a a half cup of plain oatmeal, which I'm not supposed to have until Sunday when I go on Phase 2. I know I'm a rebel!   I just feel empty, and yes I see the irony in that statement!!  This is helping, writing it out. I don't expect you to understand me, god knows I have a hard time doing that myself but GOD IT'S FUCKING SO DAMN HARD!!!  I want to give in but NO NO NO it's to the point where my eyes are tearing up.  I realize that by now you think I am a total nutter and should be committed, but I'm not. Even when I was "bad" over the holidays I wasn't "bad"  just not as careful as I should have been. Which is why I didn't gain 15 pounds back  but really it's been just over 6 months since I've had a french fry or anything greasy and gooey and yummy.  I am not going to falter to gain back the weight I have worked so hard to lose, that would be pure destruction.
   
Thing is as I'm writing,  my urges are calming slightly, I need to focus elsewhere. I eat to live NOT live to eat! I will get through this day and tomorrow will be better. I'm a stubborn biatch.....mind is set and will not falter!! Thank you guys. It's been a really tough month and I've had a few meltdowns but this is the first I really felt like eating bad!! It won't be the last I'm sure.  I am ready for the others........I will win the fight with myself and emerge the better me!!  (I'm speaking more to me now than yu LOL)

Have a fabulous weekend and catch you all Sunday night or early Monday morn.
As always, ciao for now.

Hungry??

     Not today I wasn't.  I can't explain it, I have no idea why either. Nothing special occurred that would alter my appetite. I actually had to force myself to eat tonight. Very odd.  Day was normal too.  I woke up, showered and blow dried my hair,  then weighed myself. You MUST weigh after you dry the hair as wet hair weighs more :-) Scale moved a smidge but Sundays are weigh in days. Nothing out of the ordinary. Oh well see what tomorrow brings. :-D

      Sunday also is the end of the stricter Phase 1 and now wine will be allowed, 12 ounces a day. Hubby is happy and so am I as its lovely to have a glass as you unwind after a busy day. There will be times I will have more than that, I know this. I may even have sweet treats, but once in awhile is the key. I mean I now know that mayonnaise is not frosting, & one ounce of rich deep good European chocolate is more satisfying than an entire run of the mill candy bar.

      Right now I am racking my brain to get the words inside me out. There is a whirlwind of emotions and feelings that are fighting for the top spot. I can't wait to lose another 40 pounds to be in a size that's smaller (for me) and be able to move better. My transformation is not always obvious. When I sit I'm still as roly poly as I always have been. Now hubs says no but I feel I am. Yet in some things I do see it. I don't know but I have things I want to get back into;  mainly a pair of jeans that have a zipper in front!! You may take that for granted, but for me it will be one fucking huge milestone!! I have been going through my closets and I have so many outfits that I am just outside of being able to wear. Oh time please speed up and let me get into them.....I can, for lack of a bad pun, taste it! I will admit I want to hear from someone how good I look, I know it's a petty emotion and I'm not doing it for that but yea it would be nice. I am a woman after all, and I want to be told I am pretty, or dare I say, beautiful. That I am sexy and pleasing to be with. It's petty and silly but we all need that sometimes.  To some of you it may be a normal occurrence, but to those of us with less than society standards its not something that happens all the time. I was asked a question in a survey if a stranger has ever told me I was hot.  The answer is yes and I also said truthfully I will never get used to it. Am I pretty? Yes I am! Hot? hmmm, not sure. There are days I do feel sexy but day to day I'm just working to maintain a positive outlook and determination that I don't always feel.

     I am funny, I am sensitive to others feelings (sometimes too much I know), I don't always "get it", I am confident (finally!), and I am determined. The words are still swirling inside and I will write more as the days turn to months, and the seasons change. Who know what the hell I will say? LOL So stay tuned......  and as always Ciao for Now..
    

Humpday night

Ah home and settled in. I tell ya that woman this morning got my panties in a bunch boy!! I don't know why as she didn't say a word but man you would think I was covered in feces holding Limburger cheese the way her nose wrinkled. I admit I look at good looking men maybe more than I should lol but I would never scowl at someone ecause of how they look. Just rude and hurtful. Look I can stand and confirm how sure I am of myself but I am still sensitive and have feelings so on occasion that arrow will pierce the Chinc in my armor. I told my manager when I got to work and she was sympathetic and agreed it was mean.
I needed to calm myself and since my panties were bunched I bought some new ones. Pretty purple panties and bra. I can't wait til they arrive! I also got a dress and boots. I hope the boots fit as they go to the calf and my calves are wide, we'll see, cross your fingers for me.
Was talking at work today with one of the gals who has lost about 40 pounds herself. She's sweet and she went vegetarian but I like meat too much lol. We have cut red meat down to no more than twice a week. Lots of chicken and I have frozen shrimp at work I use as needed. You need to be inventive and creative so you don't get bored. Want to do that at the gym too. Friday I want to do the elipticle since my knee is tender and it's supposed to be low impact. Has anyone else used this? Would love your opinion.
Well work was good today and I have a few projects to do and I enjoy that, makes me feel useful. I hate not having things to do, I'm not the kind of person who likes that. I really like my job and am lucky.
Well it's time to put the kettle on and wind down the night, so I will say ciao for now.

It happened again!!!

Really people this is getting old. In the store while I was shopping for my veggies this "normal" size woman looked me up and down and actually had a look of disgust on her face. Did I do anything wrong was the thought in my head. Of course I didn't but I had the nerve to shop for something healthy that I enjoyed. Would she have felt better if I had been shopping for cakes? Let me tell you something, I shop in all sections of the grocery store excluding maybe the baby section. Ever wonder why you won't see me there? I'll tell you why! I can't have children! I had uterine cancer so I had to have a hysterectomy. Want to know something else Ms. Judge & Jury of me? I was told that this type of cancer is common in overweight women, so besides having a miscarriage, then cancer; I find that it is more than likely my own damn fault!? Does that make you feel better? Of course we will never know because people like you who think you know me from looking at me would never take the time to get to know me!! You might even say I deserved it, but I beat you to it. I have cried more tears than you could imagine, wishing I could go back to when I was younger and inform myself of what was to be. So here I am with a 5 now in my age finally for the first time perhaps trying to get fit. I am not talking size 8 I'm talking for size 14/16! Fit does not equate with skinny, not by a long shot. See grocery lady, I'm not doing this for your approval because well, fuck your approval it means nothing to me. I'm doing this for me and yes for those I love. My Dad already buried my Mother; I couldn't stand to think he would have to do the same of me! Nor my husband, I can't leave him early, who would nag him as well as I do, and my friends....how could I possibly deny them as many days of my life to share, how indeed could I deny or not care enough to be around for ALL those people who mean so much to me?! Am I scared? Fuck yes I'm scared but I beat my fear each ounce I lose, with each drop of blood pressure, with each extra minute of walking I do. You see dear grocery lady I don't mean to be rude but your acceptance means zero to me. Walk a mile in my kitten heels first. That's all I ask, because I won't judge you the way you judged me.