Hungry??

     Not today I wasn't.  I can't explain it, I have no idea why either. Nothing special occurred that would alter my appetite. I actually had to force myself to eat tonight. Very odd.  Day was normal too.  I woke up, showered and blow dried my hair,  then weighed myself. You MUST weigh after you dry the hair as wet hair weighs more :-) Scale moved a smidge but Sundays are weigh in days. Nothing out of the ordinary. Oh well see what tomorrow brings. :-D

      Sunday also is the end of the stricter Phase 1 and now wine will be allowed, 12 ounces a day. Hubby is happy and so am I as its lovely to have a glass as you unwind after a busy day. There will be times I will have more than that, I know this. I may even have sweet treats, but once in awhile is the key. I mean I now know that mayonnaise is not frosting, & one ounce of rich deep good European chocolate is more satisfying than an entire run of the mill candy bar.

      Right now I am racking my brain to get the words inside me out. There is a whirlwind of emotions and feelings that are fighting for the top spot. I can't wait to lose another 40 pounds to be in a size that's smaller (for me) and be able to move better. My transformation is not always obvious. When I sit I'm still as roly poly as I always have been. Now hubs says no but I feel I am. Yet in some things I do see it. I don't know but I have things I want to get back into;  mainly a pair of jeans that have a zipper in front!! You may take that for granted, but for me it will be one fucking huge milestone!! I have been going through my closets and I have so many outfits that I am just outside of being able to wear. Oh time please speed up and let me get into them.....I can, for lack of a bad pun, taste it! I will admit I want to hear from someone how good I look, I know it's a petty emotion and I'm not doing it for that but yea it would be nice. I am a woman after all, and I want to be told I am pretty, or dare I say, beautiful. That I am sexy and pleasing to be with. It's petty and silly but we all need that sometimes.  To some of you it may be a normal occurrence, but to those of us with less than society standards its not something that happens all the time. I was asked a question in a survey if a stranger has ever told me I was hot.  The answer is yes and I also said truthfully I will never get used to it. Am I pretty? Yes I am! Hot? hmmm, not sure. There are days I do feel sexy but day to day I'm just working to maintain a positive outlook and determination that I don't always feel.

     I am funny, I am sensitive to others feelings (sometimes too much I know), I don't always "get it", I am confident (finally!), and I am determined. The words are still swirling inside and I will write more as the days turn to months, and the seasons change. Who know what the hell I will say? LOL So stay tuned......  and as always Ciao for Now..