Short end of weekend blurb

      It was nice. Went to my meeting Saturday, farmers market today,  and read. I read a lot.  Saturday was rain 90% of the day, and heavy rains too at points. I like the rain, I love a good thunderstorm. So after my meeting, I came home, ran a vacumn and settled in with my book and tea. Perfect afternoon. Lined up a few more books on my kindle. At the farmers market today they had some lucious peaches. One of my favorites. I actually think I could live on fruit in the summer. I posted a list on my FB feed for dog owners so they can see what's safe to give the pooches. Back to books, as i said I did get a few in my kindle store.  I don't spend the way I used to. But they were $5 each and I also downloaded some freebies as well.  I'm very cautious with my purse this last year basically. It's going to be tight this week, with the way the mortgage hits earlier in the week of the 6th. I get paid that Friday but the mortgage usually comes out around the 7th. Will be interesting. I did treat me to a manicure that I paid in cash.  I had her do a 4th of July motif. All nails are this fab dark blue except my ring fingers. They are white with little blue and red stars on them. She did it all freehand. Funky and fun.  I'm not afraid of zeroing out my account anymore as long as I know I wasn't overly spendy and I'm not.

Oh I also told the hubs that once I'm not so skin, I'm getting my nose pierced! :-D. Okay Ta and Ciao For Now

NAILS: LOL

It's Not New - Hell I'M Not New!

   Basic freedoms and acceptance is what I'm talking about. Yesterday the United States Of America ruled that same sex marriage will be allowed in every one of it's 50 states. It was an instant rainbow fest all over social media, companies and big corporations. As expected there was a large amount of opposition for this as well. Mainly religious groups and die hard republicans, and surprisingly a few democrats as well, but I'm thinking they should be in the religious grouping. Did I go and post supportive notices and put a rainbow overlay on my Facebook profile pic? Why yes I did! Why? Because I have friends who are homosexual and I have seen them struggle with things I don't have too. Taxes, health insurances. I'm not going to include strange or condescending looks, because as a fat female I DO know what that's like.  I am pleased they are no longer being singled out for loving differently. That brings me to my other point. I never understood the big deal of it. Perhaps it's because I don't read the bible as the end all be all. I find that difficult since there are so many versions by different people. Anyone who has ever played the game telephone can attest the fact that the last thing said is always never the original statement. The basics I get, right and wrong, treating others as I want to be treated. I don't need a bible to tell me about morality and common sense. So I am thrilled the U.S. got it right for a change. I am a bit saddened though that with all of this joy, came such tragic news that seemed to take a background. It deserves to be shared as well, France, Tunisia, & Kuwait suffered yesterday. Mass killings of innocent people, and one extreme group has claimed responsibility. We know of whom I refer.   It's tragic that life means so little to these people. I get scared at what's happening to our world. One more reason to celebrate so hard on these triumphs like marriage equality.
      I was speaking awhile back to a friend who wants to take a holiday. I loved the places mentioned. One was Egypt. I would just love to go there. It's been a dream, but I'm fearful, as there is much unrest in that country. It was mentioned not to worry as it's not in the tourist areas, high end areas so to speak. The killings in Tunisia, they were at a high end resort, full of tourists.  I am very naive I suppose. I just can't see why people want to hate one another so much that they want to kill them. If I don't like someone, I avoid them. I think maybe that's why I need assurance when I don't hear from people. I need to know its not because they don't like me, but they just need their time.  Lol This world is huge, and so many beautiful things to see, why can't we all embrace this, celebrate this, instead of fighting over it. Accept people for who they are. The same sex marriage issue, it should never have even been an issue. I suppose this is a rant? It's really more of a written down sigh, and shake of my head.  I love my friends, I trust a few with my life. I love my family ( and we are crazy lol) I try very accept people as they are. Or like I said I leave them be.  Oh well.  A faint Saturday post.  Ciao For  Now.

BUGS Why???

    I'm not a fan of bugs, I mean I dont think anyone is but I hate crawly things. Mice, snakes, reptiles of any sorts of non girly things i have no issues with,  but if t crawls and has legs I don't care for it. With the exception of possible crabs that are just delicious!   Its just like I cant stand slicing of anything,. Oh sure I've done it preparing food but the thought of someone attacking me with a blade and just slicing my skin makes me freak out. Well that and the fact of being attacked so all together a shitty scenario however its presented.  Well anyway, back to bugs, I'm just not into them. oh sure butterflies and lightning bugs (aka fireflies) are cool and dragon flies as well, bumble bees too,  these are pretty and I can overcome the dislike for a pretty outer look  Okay yes Im a superficial bug lover, don't judge me!   
      Well I'm at lunch just now we were discussing this spider that seemed to want to harass me several times yesterday by crawling along the top of my cubicle. of course every time I saw him i was on the phone and couldn't bring him to his death. Well we were talking and one guy Jordan said he did try to get him and he feel on the floor. I kept thinking, Oh great, I'm wearing a dress today and he's going to crawl up my leg and the entire office will se me jump higher than anyone would ever have thought whilst screaming like a little girl. Thankfully this did not happen and he has not shown himself today, so all is okay in spiderland today. One woman thought we had said a flying spider.  OMFG!! can you imagine such an insect? Oh hell no, just cancel my existing card, that is something nightmares are made of. A flying spider sounds like something Australia would have, really I mean it, they have some weird bugs over there. I'm talking prehistoric shit.   We get stinkbugs here.  They are basically brown bugs that remind me of a shield.  They just hang out, but if they get crushed they smell horrid, hence the name. Well i told the tale of one day i was at Target and was getting a shopping cart out front of the store and busy chatting on the phone with my Brother in law. This stinkbug had the nerve to fly into my handbag.  The nerve!! I flipped out and wouldn't touch my bag and BIL law is laughing at the choice words coming out of my mouth.  I actually asked a man that was walking by if he would be so kind as to take the tissue I held out and fetch said stinkbug out of my handbag.  he looked at me as if to say , lady you're crazy, but he did. I was so thankful. BIL couldn't believe I asked him to do that. Hell yeah i did.  So yes I am not a bug fan. As a matter of fact I even waited to see A Bugs Life on DVD instead of the theater.  So there ya have it, one of my kryptonites. 
   Well its almost time to get back from lunch as I am just chillin' listening to tunes on Pandora radio. So I will say Ciao for Now, I may be back later tonight, if not,  until next time. 

WOW - they shut the phones for lunch and no one is here to turn them back on  LMFAO   So we are all just hanging out    Okay then .....sigh    It's going to be busy in a little while.  Just saying.

Just Be

.    Comfortable
     Honest
     Happy
     Silly
     Adventurous
     Giving
     Silent
     Generous
Life is so many things, and sometimes it throws you everything all at once. It's been feeling like that lately. Through it all, I've freaked out, I acted stupid, I made self realizations. I also, right now, well I feel confident. I'm not going to stress on what I can't. Things like hubs getting a job. I can't hand him one, or make someone give him a position. I can concentrate on getting myself a better job, one that pays what I actually deserve. I can't lose 60-75 lbs immediately. I will lose it over time, more than likely another year and a half. I can handle that. I mean that first big loss took quite some time. I've settled that it's okay to see others weight losses on places like Facebook, and I can be happy for them.
I'm coming to terms with life, I'm set on doing new things, I'm reading more, watching TV less, I'm cooking with more spices, trying different foods. Hearts of Palm, verdict is meh, but I tried it. But I ask you, who eats a palm tree? Jicama? Verdict, excellent. Kind of an apple pear mix. Crunchy and cooling. Will be et again :-)   More to come.
I'm also dressing a bit differently.  Dresses, are showing up. I've got some heels, but the swelling on my feet is kind of putting a cabosh on them, but I have them, I will wear them.
My point is, I'm moving forward, or giving it a damn good try at least, despite my last few weeks. Lol
Here's to having fun, to being happy. I wish it for all of you peeps.  Until next time, Ciao For Now.

Happy Nature Time

.    So cruising my Pinterest boards and I'm drawn to foot soaks. Hey just got a pedi so why not keep the sausages goes looking pretty. So I have Epsom salts, baking soda, lavender oil, just need some vanilla and dried camomile flowers. I usually have camomile tea I can open a bag of,  but I was out. So off the Whole Foods I go. I also needed magnesium tabs and zinc tabs. Both great for leg cramps.
On my way there, while stopped at a red light, I look up at two birds flying and diving around with each other. Then I look to the side and two squirrels are chasing each other around a tree trunk. Playing with each other, I had to let out a giggle. Every creature enjoys playing. It was great to see.
     Right now, I'm mixing my coconut oil with some Shea butter and adding the lavender oil. It makes a rich creamy body lotion and it smells so good. It's great for nighttime as lavender is calming.  Lavender is great for lots of things, like I said it calms you. I used to keep a bottle of the essential oil in my desk drawer in case work got crazy. I'd sniff some and feel better. I can tell you, if you get a migraine. I'm talking a bad one, but not the I need a blindfold in a dark room with no noise kind of migraine. That's serious - go see a Dr.  But for a sinus migraine, sniff some essential lavender oil. It aleiviates the pain. If it doesn't take it away totally, it takes it way down to bearable. I just thought, today on the phone with my friend, we were both saying allergies were bad. I think lavender oil would help here too. I may try this tomorrow.  It's going to be a high of actual 99degrees F tomorrow, think the allergies will be kicking ass! Ugh.
     I love the feel of squishing the cream through my fingers, hehehe, like a kid. This cream is going to be nice. Smells great.
     The air is clearer today peeps, things are better understood. Gods I love my friend. I want so much good to come his way.  Sis and I chatted and her sitch is looking damn nice too. Awesome yay for her. Work is work and today was fookin busy but no truly annoying employees today, nice change. Not too much tonight guys. I'm going to cream up, so I'll say goodnight. Ciao For Now

The Sunday Report lol

     So at this moment I have my solstice candle burning. It's called Beach Plum from Yankee Candle. Figured it was appropriate. This is the Summer Solstice, here in the Northern Hemisphere. I call it Litha. It's time to embrace the warmth and the light that takes shape as love, as promises, desires. We see the start of what was planted and the beginnings of harvest time that will later come. I wish all reading this,  the joy and warmth of loved ones. I do not have an alter set up, but I do most of my rituals through meditations and inner thoughts. I do my ritual, so familiar to me, in my mind. I welcome the Goddess and God, I  thank them and ask for guideance. I mention my desires and ask for help with things troubling me. It helps, I feel the calmness. I truly feel more focused, and realizing  how I let my own thoughts cloud my intelligent judgement, forcing silly thoughts to be the more prevalent ones. Ugh. I had weak feelings but today I feel great. I had am amazing pedicure. The girl was wonderful, so meticulous. She made my little sausage toes look nice, with their deep red polish. Sandals at work tomorrow to show them off.  

     Friday I went out with some friends at work to celebrate a friend's birthday. We went to a hibachi place, the food was excellent and the chef was very good. I taped some, but missed getting the knife play :-( boo. The Saturday I splurged at The Container Store and bought containers.  LMAO Bet you didn't see that coming? I needed them for a few items I'm whipping up from my lotions and potions Pineteret page. (Go back a few blogs, it's in there)   Today was laundry, getting up to greet the sun AND it was Fathers Day. Called my dad and had a nice chat with him. The church he goes to was having a small cake & coffee get together after the last mass, so he was going there. I then called my uncle. Wished him a happy day as well. He and my Aunt were so sweet when I was in the hospital. I love them. Then the rest of the day was the pedicure, then picked up hubs, went for a drive. Home and here I am.  Going to have tea and some oat cookies I made for the solstice. I even have them Weight Watchers pointed out. Lol 

     Not sure about later but tomorrow starts another work week so I think it's an early night. That means in bed by 11ish. So until next time peeps, ciao for now. 

Simply Before All Other Blogs - I'm Sorry

I've been a loon this week. I wrote silly emails, left a vm and I hope they are taken with the goodness I meant but emails have no inflections.   I know they will be met with a bit of WTF and rightly so.  But I'm a crazy person sometimes and the week sucked more than the suckiest of suck weeks.
But today I am more normal, close enough for me. Lol. Okay next blog.

THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY

    I'm really having epiphanies daily it seems. I emailed one of the managers in payroll about 3 weeks ago and i sill have not heard back. I am the only one who is strictly HR.  I hate that I have to transfer every damn call when someone needs something so simple as a password reset. The fact the new people who just came in were taught to do this makes it even worse.  It was suggested by my director to reach out and I am in 100% agreement but I've yet to hear a darn thing.  Well to hell with it.  It will happen if an when it will I suppose.
    I emailed a friend today and I do hope I get to speak with him, I love him to bits and I need to clear the air, he means quite a bit to me. just wish he was closer. THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY indeed   Im going out tonight with friends and looking forward to this.   I'll be back lovlies     Ciao until then

Well Fuck Me Too

.    I'm sitting cross legged on my bed (yes I can do that), about a half hour ago I could feel tears running down my checks. Not sadness, a release. A cleansing. It was, I think, the worst day I have had in months! The employees were assholes, sans a few. I had to reprimand this one gentleman who started to yell the moment we started speaking. Sad thing, this is not uncommon. It happens often, and I have to be pleasant and let it slide off. Well this guy had bad timing. I spoke low and formidable. Told him that I was trying to help him and him yelling at me, when I have never spoken to him before, is not going to help us. He started to get loud and said he wasn't yelling. I told him he was, and if he continued I was going to disconnect the call. He finally calmed down but he was not willing to do anything to help the situation, so I opened a help ticket to the next level and well, let them deal with it. A few calls later I had a caller say he has spoken to me before and I'm always a joy, so sweet and sharp witted. Lol just proves you can't please everyone all the time. 

 

If I went over the top earlier, well I'm sorry but I am not keeping it bottled up anymore. I am still upset. I need a vacation alone. My friend dud it in NYC. I may do the same. I looked at apartments to let. It's quite doable for a week. Or maybe the beach. Not that I want to ignore anyone, but I need to get my head sorted on some things. I'm cool but I'm close to making some life changes methinks. Stay tuned if you still want to read after my rant. Ciao For Now

Everyone can FUCK OFF TODAY

I swear to God there is small handful of people who I am not angry with , very small , 2 maybe!! 
I am being yelled at, ignored, snarky responses, I've had it!! Everyone can just kiss my fat ass!!!!!!!!!!  
I have done nothing to deserve any of it and if people feel I have they are not telling me. So man (or woman) up and do so please!!  

That being said, it's like I mentioned in my last blog. I feel positive about myself, I will treat my family and friends with respect and love. Even the people on the phone I don't know get my patient understanding as that is my job. I am frustrated, I deserve to be treated with that same respect. Especially if I have not done anything to betray a trust or hurt someone. God knows I'm not perfect and if I ever do I want to know. I despise not knowing. I know this is not the way people are used to hearing from me and I have not changed that I have my few folks that I just love to pieces and I will always, they matter but I am just at my limit today. I have feelings and today they are coming out big time  LOL 

If I Could I Would - And I Just May

     I am a Pinterest junkie, I admit this freely. Its a great website.  You can find anything on there and its safe to open at work, unlike Tumblr. I dont have to worry about inappropriate photos popping up on my work screen. I save that for when I am home, as I rather enjoy inappropriate photos  LMAO  Well I did a major overhaul last night in my bathroom. I threw out old jars of lotions and potions that promised me the same face I had when I was 25. They were just gathering dust for two reasons. 1) They are old and you shouldn't use any cosmetic after too long sitting on the shelf and 2) I simply lost interest in them as they didn't work or I got bored and a new even better similar substance came out.   I did use the ones that were more expensive as I am not wasting money but over the years I learnt that many inexpensive ones worked just as well. This applied to most, EXCEPT one under eye concealer my friend introduced me to. He bought me a couple of the Touche Eclat concealers and they are marvelous. I will now use no other.  Over the years my face has of course changed. The smoothness is gone and wrinkles have appeared. I don't mind them. I earned everyone of them, and all things considered they are not that bad. I am 53 years old and I have seen women younger than me with the same or more amount of wrinkles  I was told the other day i am good at "that pout look" and I really am, I am a selphie queen I guess  LOL BUT things catch my eye and I bring them to notice, like one pic i have when I took time and did my make up really well and actually had much more on than I usually wear. I love the pic and the make up turned out very well if I do say so myself BUT I do not wear a lot of make up on a day to day basis. neither did my mother. She was not a glam woman but her beauty shone from the inside. I only hope that one day someone will say the same for me.  I have cleared that bathroom shelving and now intend to replace the bottles with homemade concoctions of my own that I find work very well. My own toothpaste, lip gloss, lip scrub and bath sugar scrubs.  One reason I love Pinterest. There are so many wonderful recipes for all of these and more. They include coconut oil which i now own a rather large jar of. It can be used to moisturize, of well you've heard me talk about it before. Its just that I adore it so much. I'm making a mask tonight to put on my hair to help with the dryness that dying it does to the hair.  Yep got the formula on Pinterest  :-D 
Look, here is me, no make up really, just a bit of gloss on my lips and yes I know I am in major need or a haircut, so fine, I'm shaggy, no pout, straight on, still fat but getting there. Really not my best pic but an honest one. I'm a happy woman as of late, and for some reason today I am feeling very powerful. So get ready, dont freak out, ME in all no make up glory......

See wrinkles but I'm smiling and i dont think I look bad for my age. I'm quite prod of getting her. trust me after antics in NYC during the mid to late 80's I sometimes think I'm luck I'm alive.   The crowd I traveled in was very free shall I say. I went to clubs and then "clubs" (names like Paddles, and Hellfire. The of course the dance clubs, Magique, The Tunnel, Danceteria, Limelight. 

Oh peeps my 20's were fantastic!! LOL 

Anyway, getting back to Pinterest and life in general I guess.Simplify is the word of the day! I'm trying and I will keep getting recipes and formulas from Pinterest, as well as look at mid century mad men furniture and drool over it. hahahaha

 I think what I'm trying to say is that I've finally embraced who I am. I think everyone should. Never be afraid to say yes I have lived, I've struggled, I fucking survived what life has thrown at me.  I crumble sometimes, oh hell I do, my close friends know this all too well, but I bounce back. I always will too. 

     Getting back , again, to the topic I started with, there was one really. LOL I am stripping down my life, trying to simplify things around me. I will get my hair done as I am vain about my hair, Do not judge that from the pic above  LOL As you can see i have no problem looking shaggy.  I will always be the gal who spills pizza sauce on her blouse or accidentally causes a waiter to trip over her purse in a restaurant, and blush abut it. LOL   I just want to clean out the things in my life that take time and by doing this I also have a way to use my time so I don't get bored and eat.  I'm not going to obsess anymore on this, Im eating better I am losing and FINALLY my ankles are not looking like two blimps at the end of the day. HIZZAH!!  I want to be able to in the near future take a photo of my cabinet in my bathroom and show you all the fun things I've made.   Okay  I think I may have had too much tea today, LMAO so i will say Ciao For Now 

As I Sit And Drink My Coffee

     So far so good but I'm always a bit cautious as not to jinx myself but today seems better than yesterday. OMG the wackadoodles were out in full force. I had one chick arguing with me that her fiancee is her spouse.  I wanted to tell her to read a dictionary. So she asked me what type of spouse is the policy referring to?  Um...really?! The kind where you have a legal document saying you are married, as in husband and or wife.  She just wasn't grasping the concept. All I can hope is that she doesn't breed. UGH!!
     I was up reading so late last night. I looked at the clock and it said 2:30 and I yelled at myself to go to sleep, but of course I kept saying one more chapter, one more chapter. So of course my asrse is dragging this morning.   Not a lot going on this morning, but I was taking a peek at the menu of the place we are going to on Friday. Its a Japanese restaurant that about 20 of us are going to on Friday evening after work. Its a guy at work's birthday and I was invited to join the festivities so heck yeah, Im in. Will be fun to hang out and have some drinks and laughs. Nice way to end the week.
     I so want to do that paint thing and hubs said he would do it also. DONE!! I'm looking to see what paintings are available. he's not a bar guy really so I'm looking at the ones that are in restaurants instead. Its in my head to do this and well I can be a bit impatient when I get a thought in my head. I know that's hard to imagine  ;-D    I know Sis will do it, but the fact that hubs is interested is huge!!
I have no idea what happened just now but the guy sitting next to me is muttering fuck fuck fuck fuck  HAHAHAHA and 3 people just are walking around all eating bananas. Just funny, You'd laugh to if you were here. LMAO
    I will be back later with more oh so scintillating musings ;-D    Ciao peeps

Looks Like A Blog Occured Anyway. LOL

     I finally told my husband I can't take this anymore. I don't want to live here anymore. I didn't mean I don't want to live with him, I meant I don't want to live in this house anymore. It's never been my house. It was his mother's house. I agreed to live here for reasons that seemed to make sense at the time. Ifyou asked me now, I'd be hard pressed to list even one. The 17 years I've lived down here seemed to have gone by in a flash. I've thought of millions of future plans, and the future just never seemed to become the present. I've been working on a new kitchen for more years than I care to admit. Each year hopeful this will be the one, but something happens and stymies it. Oh the small fixes happen. I'd go crazy if they didn't. I've picked up a paint brush and gave the bathroom vanity a facelift of sorts. It was my first try at painting a cabinet. It looks okay, but can use another coat. But it has a sort of unplanned rustic charm. Yeah, we'll go with that! Lol I look at decorating magazines with as much lust in my heart as a teenage boy looking at Playboy. I keep up my mantra of one day, one day.  Well I'm tired of it, I want it soon. So today I mentioned it, calmly, stating my reasons and this was met, not with the usual instant road block, but today there was a discussion. An honest one, I actually heard an admittance of nerves and slight fear. More than a little frustration, and resolve that perhaps it's time to move.
     Of course my first choice is NYC. I went to Zillow and looked at homes out on Long Island. I love the Island. You have beaches, and farms and wine country. I prefer north shore to south mainly because the north gets less snow. It's not in as direct a path as the south shore. Even when hurricanes Irene & Sandy hit the south shore got hit much worse. Homes were cheaper than I thought. This having to do with how far they were out. I'm talking railroad to get to Manhattan. But to me it's great talking the train in and also having the open feeling of the Island. Wether or not this will come to pass, I don't know. I do know I can't stay here. It's draining me and as I heard in a song, you can't put a band aid on a bullet wound. Try as I might, I'm not 100% me here, never will be. It's better than it used to be, but it's not me. Not this area anyway. So I made my stance and we shall see what comes of it. What would my final move be. Would I move myself? I sometimes think I could. Then I look at my husband, his face looking so forlorn when he doesn't think I notice. it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart though also when I look in the mirror. I see the stress I'm feeling as well. My body is talking it's fucking time recovering from these blood clots. Dr said it could be 2 or 3 months before I feel normal again. Normal? Me? Horrible thought. Lol.
      I feel sometimes like I went so far, I pulled on that rubber band, getting out more and more, and then wham, it snapped back. I don't speak to my friends much anymore. I've called and texted, but one can only reach out so much. I miss FaceTime but you have to let people live their lives and hope they think fond thoughts of you the same way you do of them. I don't always abide my own words and then I end up feeling like I intruded or did/ said something dumb. Only person I truly speak with regularly now would be sis. I'm thinking to ask if she wants to have an outing next time I'm up. Take the ferry to fire island and go shopping and drinking lots of fun boat drinks. Look at gorgeous men wearing very small bathing suits. Of course they'll be gay, it being Fire Island, but it's still nice to look, and they love big gals. LMAO  I think that would be fun. I can count on her to want to do things. I'm going to take a long weekend in August for this. Hopefully I'll see my friend from England in July. Hit up a cool bar in Manhattan perhaps. Visit a museum or something equally fun. It's always a rare treat. I will ask him to bring some tea and Costa coffee if he'd be so kind. I'll pay him of course. Hell I still have £15.00 I can give him. Lol
      Well peeps, I'll leave you all here. Going to bed.  Ciao For Now

Sorry Guys

No blog today, check back. Ciao For Now

Oh Yeah, The Weekend.

     It was good. The end.    Lmao. Nah we will start Friday night, the drive up was non eventful and swift. Always a good thing. I was on the NJ Turnpike and going a steady 70 mph, I normally go a tad faster, but I was wondering how it was so steady a speed then I saw. Two motorcycles up ahead. Holding a steady driving pattern, book perfect. Obviously seasoned riders. So as I get closer I see why. I see colors on their jackets then I switched lanes and got closer. Yep, they were Hell's Angels. Lol yep, all us hard asses drive the turnpike at midnight. :-)   Got to dads about half midnight. Damn good time, which I think I paid for today on the ride home. 7 hours, I was so tired. Of course in Maryland we ran into a rainstorm, thunder , lightning, the whole package.  Considering it took 4 hours and 20 minutes getting there, I think you can understand how I was feeling. Didn't eat dinner even when I got home tonight, just drank two huge glasses of water and two cups of tea. I was thirsty. I try not to drink too much on these drive, don't want to make frequent wee stops.
     As always, had a great time with sis. She had never been to the Cheesecake Factory before so I decided it was time. We are both good normally food wise I'm talking, so when I come up, every 5 weeks or so, we splurge a little. Okay thus time a lot. We had some drinks then appetizers then cheesecake. Truthfully I think getting appys is the way to go here. If you order a meal don't get an appetizer as it will be so much food. I mean you want cheesecake right? Right? Yes, of course you do. Lol hardest thing is to pick what kind. And it's good, really good. We had a nice waitress too. We had a tattoo conversation, where she mentioned how great to have one drawn for you, so of course I had to show her the one my friend did for me. It's awesome to wear ink that someone you care about drew for you. It's uber special and he was so sweet to do it.  He's a good friend :-D I want to get another done of that drawing, where they do the hair the way he drew it. I have his original, framed on my wall. Unless he may draw me something else.....maybe maybe, pretty please. Lol
     Well, I told my dad about my blood clots. I had to. He's so good to me and I love him. I don't keep secrets from people I keep in my heart. But it had to be face to face, this way he could see I am okay. He was so cute, when I was going out Saturday he asked, are you going near stores? I asked why and that I could of course. He asked if I'd get him some slippers. Of course I'm going to. Even if I was no where near a store, I'm going to be. I wish he had mentioned it, I would have brought them up with me. Then he trys to give me money for them. Um no Daddy. They are slippers, not Tom Fords. Father's Day is next weekend and so there is his giftie. He wants nothing and truth be told I can't afford anything above the slippers. The struggle is very real, but the huge costs were helped by uncle SAMs tax return. Although now gone. But it was used wisely and helped a great deal. I love him, I do get morbid thoughts of how long will I see him. He is in good health though so no reason to think bad things.
    So tomorrow is back to work. I don't mind my new 9 to 5 schedule as much as I though. Oh I have new sneakers to wear at the gym ( I'm going back, but slowly, dr still hasn't said okay - I figure if I can walk the stairs in my house with her okay, I can do a slow treadmill no incline)  so the reason I have new sneakers us thanks to suspect. Of course she has 5 new pair. LMAO yep she bought a few. I went all out and bought 2 pair of $2.99 flip flops. Living large ladies and gents living large.
     I am putting this iPad down and going to bed. It's almost midnight and I still have to wash my face.  So as usual, Ciao For Now.

My Friends Mother Died Today

    My other friends brother died two days ago. Another two friends lost a grandmother and grandfather both days between each other.  I just want to say if you have people in your life you love, people who make you smile even when they make you shake your head and wonder, let them know you love them. Days are not promised to us.
Love you dad, love all my family and friends.  ALSO: You special few know who you are - love you all dearly.
 Thats it guys

One Day More

    No, not the fabulous song from Lez Miserables, but means that tomorrow is Friday.  Off to NYC I go and its gonna be a hot time in the old town for sure.  I mean that literally peeps. The weather is going to be hot and at my Dad's muggy!!! See dad has no air condition, and that's not a real issue but he also for whatever reason only opens one window.  I on the other hand open them all.  My room has a window box  air conditioner but its not up yet, normally its not needed until July but with both windows open and my ceiling fan I will "rough it"  LMAO
    I think I will be staying near Sis' house this trip and that works, she is closer to the water and if its not raining perhaps we can meander over to the shore line and feel some sand between our toes. Atlantic ocean beaches are awesome. But then I am biased on that. I did live in CA and went to the beaches there but its not the same. Unless we are talking Monterey or Carmel. I could easily live there. Its just gorgeous. The rest of Cali is meh. Hubs family is from California and we may be headed there in October for a wedding.
     I found the coolest thing last night. Its called PaintNite.  It takes places in a bar or restaurant and you paint a picture and drink and eat with friends and others who are doing the same thing. It looks so much fun. They have a painting that everyone will be doing. Some are easy some are moderate. They all look awesome and sis and I are going to go and I also think several ladies at work here in VA want to do this. The finished painting is usually about 11X15 or so. They look really cool and I am excited to do this. Check it out at www.paintnite.com   They have them all over the US in most states. Always up for something fun and new. I'd love to take cooking classes or bar classes also. Love stuff like that.  
     So thats it for now, I'm sure I will be posting over the weekend or at least when I get back from NYC. Ciao For Now

I Want To Be 100% and I Want It Now

    Patience you say?!  Bollocks I cry!   I dont like being in a state of flux in any way.  I look fine, but I guess if I'm telling the truth I don't feel fine. This is not normally an issue as everyone knows of my blood clots that decided to nest in my lungs a few weeks ago. My biggest test will be this weekend when I go visit my Dad. You see, he has no idea I was in the hospital. If you recall I never mentioned it to him, as the man, for whatever reason, freaks out when I'm ill. He gets all nervous if I have a stupid head cold, imagine if he knew I was in the hospital with blood clots and he couldn't do anything?? It was the general consent that in this case the less he knew the better. I mean I wasn't dying, and even then I'd be hesitant to say anything until I had to.  That may seem mean to some of you, but the man watched his wife suffer and die so I am not going to add anything to his pain that I don't have to.   The problem is that I get winded very easily as of late, and when I am at my dad's I do quite a bit of cleaning and I know that I will be slower than normal doing these. I am going to have to hide any distress I am feeling.  Oh BOY!!!   I love that house, but my god it has more stairs than Hogwarts!!!
    Not much going on today, I have a new work schedule, 9 to 5, ooh sounds like a song.. LOL   Meetings today as a new module is being presented at work that we will need to support. All in all, just going on course, steady as she goes. Ciao For Now (maybe lol)
     I'm back HHAHAHA , and we had our conference call meeting. The head of the meeting was from our UK office and I could have listened to him all day. LOL :-D  He was very amusing, and at one point he said "okay lets go in to reset the password again and lets pretend this time I'm tipsy as I've had some cocktails. Although not common in the US it is common here in England"  That made everyone laugh and I really found it quite funny as my friend has often said he had drinks at a lunch meeting.  Something that I think would help a lot during the day LOL   As far a meetings go, this one was not all that bad!  
      So I am leaving now but here's one last thought. Even if you can't do something well, don't let it stop you from doing it. I can't paint but here is my hibiscus flower I did in watercolors.

Ciao For Now peeps 

   

Time To Laugh

Just some things that tickle my funny bone. Hope they make you giggle too  :-D xx

I just got my deep breath HIZZAH

     Yep, finally fell asleep from just being too tired at about 4am, alarm went off and I wanted to throw the clock out the window, but then I remembered I use my phone and I need my phone so it was lucky as it remained on my bedside table. lol   I woke up and the pain was still there , I say was as it finally left me sometime around 8:20 this morning but my breathing is still not 100% today. I think its the air at work -  I'm allergic! hahaha no, but in all seriousness, I got a little scared last night. I just out and out tired of the whole thing.  One of my friends teased me as to when next year I will be in hospital again and I understand that I laughed also, it seems that I'm a yearly patient, always holidays, although this year I was off a few months :-D  Truth is I'm sick of being sick, the more I try to get healthy the more I get ill.  WTF????  I'm even eating vegetables, going to the gym, its so weird but then again, Im a little odd so perhaps this is just the way its going to be. Sigh
    In other news, nothing, it's only Monday  LMAO     Ciao For Now

1:48am. - Good Morning

     So here we meet, in the wee hours of the morning. I've always figured they were called this as this is when you seem to wake up because you have to wee. Lol  I'm awake as I haven't been asleep yet. See, I'm having issues getting a deep breath. When I try to' I'm getting a sharp pain in my diaphragm, or at least what I think is that area. I know it's not my heart. I do get fearful, as this is the age roughly that my mother started her decline. Hubs said simply - you are not your mother!  He is correct, the hospital confirmed my last visit a few weeks back, that my heart is strong. Sadly my mother's was not.  Yet I was lying down, and I admit, had a slight row with hubs, nothing big or constant, as he has not been sleeping so he drank Too much vodka. He's not the best drunk, loving and silly one moment, then nasty as feck the next. I knew better, but I wanted to get to sleep as I'm looking at an alarm that goes off in about 4 hours. He finally was okay, and I was too, so I laid down and we cuddled. When all of a sudden I got a stabbing pain. I sat up at the end of the bed and here I am 2 hours later. I know it's not, or can't be terribly serious, as I'm here typing this, but although I can get that deep breath, it took a long time to be able to do do.  I kid around, I know I'll be fine and I laugh about it, and push too hard. Truth is, I was a bit nervous when the doctor told me that when the blood clots reach your lungs it's very bad and although you are up and moving, it's quite serious. One can get to your brain and heaven forbid, well, we've heard the stories.  Of course thus is worst case scenario. I will call the doctor when I get to work, I'm driving myself so maybe I can see her tomorrow (Monday)  I feel like a baby, get up, work, get tired. I walk up and down the steps in my home, since I have yet to get the green light in regards to the gym. But sitting here for over 2 hours reading....well my freaking ass is sore. Lol I hate this more than I can say. The first half hour was spent just trying to calm down do I could get the deep breath. Hubs was so concerned, he said let me take you to the hospital. I know he was serious as he gets scared, but really? Your drunk husband, don't think so.   This of course makes me conjure images of me driving myself to the emergency room while experiencing something very bad. This is the first weekend in a long time he's  had such bad nights, thought perhaps they were gone. Guess not.  Figures it would be now. Aren't we a pair? Lol I love him though and vice versa. I pay taxes, there's always an ambulance. But again I've a strong heart and a stubborn personality. I just need to be able to get horizontal. I'm a bit bored right now if I'm to be truthful. Hopefully I can go to sleep soon. Otherwise tomorrow will suck.  Lol xx

My Weekend My Own

.    Saturday, I found myself truly annoyed at everything I was looking at on Facebook. The republicans blaming Democrats and Vice versa. The sad news of people who are under arrest or were traumatized or worse killed.  Who was on, came by, left posts on their pages. Sans a few health updates from people, it all just seemed so ridicules. I didn't care. It was time. Logged off and didn't come back until a little earlier to wish someone a happy birthday. She lives overseas and I didn't want to be too late in her day. Time zones and all.  So last night, hubs and I had a lovely dinner I made, played several rounds of Trivia crack which we are both equally bad at sports. Truth be told I do a tad better but he guesses well. This morning was a lazy Sunday, went for a drive. Did not go on Facebook. When I woke up,  hubby told me it showed I was on Facebook 23 minutes earlier. I wasn't, no clue why it says that.  Well I need a break.  I'm going to NYC this weekend and I'm looking forward to that. Hopefully in July I get to see my friend from England, truly looking forward to that.
     As I mentioned on FB, I did get my mani. She did a great job. Not getting a pedicure right now as I end up with little balloon feet at the end of each day. I'm drinking lots of water, taking a water pill and yet, bam! Sausages for toes! I'm not patient, I want this sorted, me dodged. I want to lose weight as I'm eating well, NOT gain weight due to water. In time I know, but ARRRGGGHHH LOL
     So today I went and did some more window shopping, have to. Spent on my credit cards but I can't go too crazy as they have to be paid and mortgage is going to come out of the bank soon. Hubs still not working, and it's tight right now as I list a week of pay being in hospital. So I found myself at Bath And Body Works. It's filled with body lotions, bath gels, scrubs, cute make up bags, candles. I think I smelled every bottle there. So many lovely scents. They had a lavender lemon scent, citrus basil, both clean and fresh. Warm vanilla sugar, plumeria and the new Hawaiian scents,with island flowers. Intoxicating. I bought a lotion for work, just one though.  I also adore the company Molten Brown, they are divine but I can't afford them right now. I got a lovely scent for last Christmas from my friends across the pond. I made that bottle last so long. Lol they have a new honeysuckle scent I am dying to try. Maybe birthday time :-)  
       So I'm sitting here smelling like a Bounty candy bar. I put my coconut oil on and it's great but I smell like coconut. So I either want a candy bar or a tropical drink. Hahaha. Coconut oil, I put that shit on everything!  Well my arms, legs, under my eyes, hands. It's great for cuticles.  You can use it to cook with also. It's so versatile, we bought a big jar of organic extra virgin coconut oil. I put some in a small jar that I keep on my night table. My newer ritual. Well it's been a full me weekend, so not a lot going on. Back to work tomorrow, so I'm off.  I'll be back tomorrow night. Hope you all have a fantastic Monday. Ciao For Now

Assessment

.    Took a shower, and standing in front of a mirror. An assessment, my assessment. Smaller but still big. Skin pale and shows scars of several surgeries. At the moment, legs are decent but ankles and feet are way too puffy. Pan up and there is more of a definitive chin, and a damn decent looking face, if I do say so myself. And there is a smile on that face. Despite the fact I am far from perfect, but as I look at my chub in all its naked glory, I am happy knowing that there are people out there who find me sexy, hot even. Even better - I feel that way.  I've seen pics on Facebook of women in a group I'm in who are way bigger than me, others way smaller. In the end, it doesn't matter what they look like. What I look like. I am loved and I love. I am basically happy. How better can life be when you have love and happiness? Going forward with this as my guide....
     So, a Dad quip time!! HAHAHA Was on the phone with my dad before. He said he was at the drugstore and waiting inline when this lady said to him, "you go ahead of me buttercup". So dad laughs and tells her that no ones called him buttercup in a very long time. So she says that's a shame. Well dad goes up and pays, and as he's leaving, she says goodbye and gives him a kiss. Whaaa, oh jeez. What the hell cologne is dad wearing, or are the women in Queens now all turned on by generic Aqua Velva? Lol my dad, the silver fox. Hahahaha.
     Well peeps I'm good but nothing really bloggy in my bed. I'm concerned about my swollen tootsies. I really think my meds need adjusting. I feel okay, but tired. Looking forward to the upcoming summer. Beaches, friends in NYC, hopefully celebrating hubby getting a job. Oh yes peeps , hubs is still looking. Sigh.  Well it's life and that goes on. So until next time peeps, I will say, Ciao For Now.

Bullying or Funny?

     How do we define bullying? Isn't it when others, hurt physically or emotionally someone perhaps different looking, or weaker, or shy, or a nerd, etc. this makes the person sad, uncomfortable and worse injures them or in the most extreme causes so much grief it results in death? We've all seen it, read the articles and perhaps even done it a little bit. Right? So we are now adults and we don't do this, we fight for our children and those who are bullied. We post righteous posts on our Facebook pages. Well I have to say I saw something today on a persons page that really made me sad. I was actually surprised that they posted this video. The video showed a large, okay fat, lady trying to put on a pair of jeans. She had a belly, round and blemish free pale skinned. She was in her undies and she actually was pulling up her belly to stuff it into the jeans that obviously weren't going to fit. I admit I was surprised she let that be filmed. One of the next posts on his page was support of people who helped a child being bullied, and asking or support against bullying.  Something clicked and I thought, yay for you for being against bullying yet you posted a video obviously making fun of a fat chick putting on ridiculously too small pants. Hmmmm, excuse me, but isn't making fun of someone bullying of sorts? So......
It amazes me that on one hand you have all these groups who over the years are now for the most part accepted, Bruce Jenner is now Caitlyn, yet we still find making fun of fat people perfectly okay? Look, I'm fat, I kid around myself. I have done this most of my life, because if I laughed at me like they did then they hung around, they played with me. Gave me a chance, my reason was to prove I could, they probably wanted me to trip or fall , I don't know.  I went through this my entire life. When I was young I would cry. My friends, the real ones stayed by me, but others would say mean things. A note was put on my desk in 7th grade. On it was the question - Do fat people use more soap when they take a bath? I ignored it, but I still remember it. Says a lot doesn't it? I've grown up, I've learned to be comfortable in my skin with the help of some dear people and my own self. So, am I immune to taunts now, have I grown such a thick skin that none of it bothers me? Nope. It will always bother me, the way ALL bullying and making fun of , or hurting bothers me.  So please be mindful of your words or  actions. Those kids don't deserve to be bullied, to be in fear of being or looking different. Those kids don't, nor do those teens, young adults, or adults. We are all different. Some of us are different colors, different sizes, love different people.  We enjoy different things   ALL bullying sucks. Laugh with me, not at me.
Ciao For Now

I Got Nothing Much Today

    No really, Im having a day from hell, my legs and feet are so swollen today and its bugging the hell out of me. I have drunk about 52 ounces of water / tea combo. I am not pleased. I will sleep with my legs up tonight I guess.
    I am not going to do a a big tonight I think I think I'm going to splurge at Torrid and buy another dress I really wanted. Very similar to the other dress I bought with different pattern and colors.  There are two brick and mortar stores not too far from here at two separate malls I found out. Yay and boo at the same time LMAO.  I need trendy things, I'm going out with peeps from work in a few weeks to a local club to celebrate a birthday for one of the guys. Going to be fun.
     There is what's called a Strawberry Full Moon. It's strawberry season everyone. Yum!!  I am so feeling the effects of the moon tonight I swear. Ack!!
     Not much else peeps, so I'm headed to prepare dinner. So as always,  Ciao For now peeps :-D

Let's Talk About My Da

     Just got off the phone with a friend and after a great convo, we touched on my dad. He was brought up as we were discussing meter readers, and my dad pulled a great one. As you all will remember, my dad, Ed, is a 87 year young skinny old Irishman. Cute as a button too. He is also, at this point the oldest semi, original owners of the houses on our block in Queens. Meaning he bought his house in 1962, I was a baby. So dad knew everyone back then, still knows lots of them. Anyway, I digress. So every month the lady comes to read the water meter, so of course dad knows her name, facts like her daughter had another baby and do on. So not long back my dad is telling me the last time she came to read the meter she asks my dad how old he is. Without blinking he answers 72! THE MAN IS 86!! He starts laughing saying " I have no idea why I told her that?" Of course I tease him, that he's coming on to her. He's too much. The man has an eye for da ladies still. Lol
     He still has friends from when he was a kid. He has a friend who he knows since he was 10 years old. Unreal, 76 year friendship. How many people can say that?!  The same group of guys were pals for years, sad to say it's just 3 of them now. The rest have died. Ugh. One friend became a chef, even owned a French restaurant in Manhattan too. My parents said he was superb. Well go back, he and the guys including my dad, we're all hanging out. They are about 17 or so. The one guy Rene, tells my dad he's going to cook. My dad was a good eater, still is. So Rene goes and takes dog food and adds spices and makes hamburgers. Of course he offers my dad some, dad loves the fog good burgers, has 3 of them. The guys are laughing their asses off my dad said, and he then finds out why. He ate 3 dog food burgers. Which back then it was horsemeat. Love that man.  He will sit and talk. Have a beer with most anyone.  My friends love him.
     It's funny, I always thought I was a lot like my mom, seems I'm actually more like my dad.  Hubs says thus makes him nervous, he's waiting for hair in my ears he said. Haha so funny, NOT!!
     Well peeps not a lot tonight, so I'm going to say night night. Ciao for now.

Patting Myself On My back and a recipe for you LOL

     That's allowed isn't it? As you all know my office boy toy often comes over to chat with me. He is very sweet and his new topic as of late has been baking. Of course I love to bake and have done so as long as I can remember. Hell my mom was baking muffins when her water broke and she was rushed to give birth  LOL  Seems he was on this kick to make cake pops. So he needed guidance.  He sits down and we chatted and unlike myself he bought a cake mix (and nothing wrong with these as they are really fine nowadays)
RECIPE:
So here's the basics - bake the cake in a 9x13 pan, cool, use a vegetable scrubber, they nylon ones and crumble the cake into a bowl, then mix in frosting until it holds together well. Chill slightly then roll it into balls, little smaller than gold balls. At this point if you are making cake pops, stick in lollipop sticks. Its easier just to make cake balls  LOL   So once they are made put in the fridge to chill. In the meantime melt chocolate chips or which ever flavor and dip the balls in it to coat. Put on wax paper and then back into the fridge to harden the chocolate.  Enjoy   So easy right??

Well seems he made them over the weekend and he brought me one to try. He didn't quite get the part about melting chocolate chips and tried to melt a jar of pre made frosting. Which although it melted it did not harden the way the chocolate chips would so the balls were a bit messy. He was adamant I try one, so I took a little bite and put the rest of it in a tissue for later. Despite the look of them they taste was really yummy. I could easily have eaten the entire thing in one big bite. The pat on my back is for me only taking a nibble to please him and then the rest I gave to my cube neighbor as i wasn't going to eat the entire thing. I didnt want to hurt his feelings by not taking one, and my cube mate next to me is like a goat, eats anything  LOL   So all are happy. They were very good though and if I wasn't being aware of what goes into my mouth I could have eaten that full one plus about 5 more  LOL
So there you have it my proud moment of not eating cake and saving my indulgences for another time  :-D