Tonight

.   The day goes by, then BAM! The memory hits you right between the eyes. Tonight 18 years ago was the last time I saw my mother alive. We had to dress in gear with masks, not touch her, it was so hard not to though.  We were there and brought her ice cream, she didn't speak much, too weak but she said -  more?  We let her know that we would bring more the next night. It never happened, 5 am the next morning the hospital called my Dad. She passed away in her sleep. I'm hurting right now, I've got tears streaming down my cheeks. It's nothing that thousands, millions of people have experienced but it's MY mom. It's funny that the night we left, my Dad went to give her a kiss and he stopped because we weren't supposed to touch her. I told him, fuck that, dad give her a kiss. So he did and so did I. Not am I glad we did.  We told her "love you " as we left. She replied "love you too", she hesitated then said "love you both". Like she knew or something.  
I think of her so much and then some days I don't give her a thought but when I realize it I feel guilty. I know that's so stupid. She raised me well, not that I always took her advice, but she was a wonderful mother. I miss her terribly. 18 years has not made me forget one thing, it's mellowed as the shock is gone, but I know I will never fully forget ever. I will take her memory with me forever.  I think the fact that we didn't have another ice cream for her makes me go overboard with people. Doesn't always work right though lol. But whatever.  I love you Mom. On your 18th anniversary of passing into Summerland tomorrow, I will light a candle. I know Dad is doing also. He already told me so. He misses you Ma, very very much.   Okay I'm crying again, I'm out. Ciao

Easier Than One Would Think

     Facebook withdrawal? Not really. I did go on in the very morning to see what the night brought but other than that and a very brief log on early afternoon for about 2 minutes I have not been on facebook at all today.   Instead I downloaded the Kindle app on my PC at work and synced my library. So on my breaks and at lunch I read my book. It was very enjoyable I must say. I love to read and i found myself heading to facebook more out of habit than actually interested in it. A few friends I check all the time, Sis of course, my friends from the UK and of course family are the ones I looked for any updates but once I checked I got off there.  Took all of about 8 minutes total for the day.   In the meantime I read about 6 chapters of my book and plan to read more tonight (it's getting good lol) Imagine that, and I will say it's refreshing NOT to read all about Hillary or Trump or the articles that are written by the spin doctors for both sides. It's a circus really, and the ring leader in in the White House now but I won't go on about that as it makes me angry. Must keep BP down  LMAO
    I really am letting things go, I don't know what caused this epiphany but its happening at a good time. I am friends with whom I want to be friends with and realizing more and more that many are just acquaintances, good ones, but acquaintances. I care about them but its not going to make or break if I don't hear from them. My family,  Sis, my other Sis in Maine, my Bruv in England (Oh yes that's how I see him now, very dear and delightfully antagonistic in a good way LOL) are the ones I care about!   I look at it this way, if I need to be reminded its your birthday, well.................
     So in a weird way I feel lighter as if i've lost a great deal of weight. I have, mental weight! I'm still mental thought have no fear, I AM ME, my core being is not changing, but I am calmer, still love to laugh, love to cause good havoc and there for my =dear hearts when they need me as much as I can help or do for them.   So I am here peeps. I am going to be doing reviews on clothes and DIY project very soon, oooh thrills I'm sure plus all my normal banal chatter. So see ya all tomorrow, Ciao For Now

The Land Of Nod

.    I hope to visit there early tonight. By early I mean at least 11pm. It's crazy, but sometimes I get so tired some days. Not like I do manual labor, but some days employees just work your nerves.  Like today.  One of the new gals, sweet young lady. About 20 years old ( oh was I ever 20? Lol) had an employee on the phone. Could hear her talking and saying Sir why would I lie to you. Why indeed? Some of these employees have chips on their shoulders and feel you are purposely not telling them what they want to know. Well he got very abusive and one of our agents stepped in. She left the room. She came to my desk to get a tissue. It was obvious she was crying. I got up and motioned to her to follow me into the kitchen.  We sat and I talked to her about the lovely world of being a CSR. I know people see most as the ones who call you just as you are about you eat dinner, that's a telemarketer NOT a customer service rep. Many CSR's can be idiots I will admit. But those of us who gave done this for a living know it's takes a certain type of person. Part gentle, part caring, part masochist. LMAO. Well I spoke to her about many of the employees who call, and how it runs the gamut from the ones who love you to those who want you dead. Even got her to laugh a little. We got up and she hugged me, said thank you. The rest of the day went okay for her.  She's a good kid, and has learned quickly. Now it's timekeeping her  to learn her finesse. That's what keeps you sane.  People pick on us but we really have to handle a lot. We have to know a bit of every department. You gave a job and you do if great button it's one job. Do that plus about 10 other departments all the while keeping up with changes. Then learning it well enough in a few days so that we can walk you through it when you call. So yeah. She will be okay, I felt a bit mother hen like but hey it was needed.
     That really is all my excitement today. Haha, such an exciting life. So ciao for now peeps

Not a bad day at all (crossing fingers)

    Don't want to jinx that. LOL   The day has gone on decently, despite us now separated from 10 of our former co-workers/friends.  I was training a new person on Benefits also, wasn't expecting that.  Went well as the woman has been here some time and just by close proximity is familiar with a lot of it. Same as I was with payroll and expense. I am on a different shift, I now work at 8:30 until 5. I moved up half an hour  which pleases me. It funny how different that half hour makes. Its nice that banks are now open later too.  I am getting excited as Samhain is coming. Its always special for me since moms passing but I have added people over the years.  Its a remembrance of lives lived fondly and fully.
    Weekend was a bust, got lots of cleaning done which is a good thing, but not much else. Stayed close to home. Started addressing Christmas cards for Dad if you can believe it.  I had them and why not? LOL   Not much peeps, don't think you want to hear how I scrubbed the bathroom sparkling clean  hahahahaha     I f you do let me know :-D    So ciao for now   will be back

A memory

I read in the news about an elderly gentleman who called a radio station in the UK. Seems his wife ( at age 95 I believe) went into a nursing home. The man was lonely as he had no one to talk to. The DJ sent a rack to his home and brought him to the radio station to chat fade to face. The phones went nuts, everyone wanted to speak with him. How wonderful, a simple act of kindness, brought a huge smile and some company to this man. I told the hubs and I started to cry. It made me think of my dad.  Soon after my mom was buried, we all were having breakfast, and my dad started to cry, I mean sobbing. It broke my heart.   He loved her and now he was alone. He had us but it's not the same. It was hard to watch, I admit this freely. It just passed through my thoughts and decided to share. Tell those you love how you feel. You never know. Ciao

The split has happened & the weekend is here

The government team all have gone and they will not be here on Monday morning, I already have separation issues.  We all know each other and there are some I will see after work but its not the same.  But I also have a weird feeling that new things are happening.  Halloween or Samhain as I call it is the witches new year. A time to reflect and honor those who have passed but also to look towards the future.  I have a good feeling, this is new for me. Its been a struggle but I feel very positive about the coming year. I dont know why, but I just do. Im going to do my best to keep this feeling.   Despite that my new seat may be on the aisle. I dont care for that, you dont put a fat chick on the aisle NOOOOOOOOOO  LMAO  :-D

Its Friday, you all have a fabulous weekend and I will be back next Monday as I'm sure I'll have something to chat about.  Ciao For Now

Just some Seasonal Pics Today LMAO

Mid-Day On A Hump Day

    The office buzzing with those that are moving downstairs to the government sector. I'm feeling more emotional than I thought I would.  The Ed Sheeran songs coming through on my earbuds is not helping as many of his songs are a good playlist for these feelings. Most of these people I've worked with for many years.  A few I actually gave my approval for hire after interviewing them, back when i was a supervisor. Its great not to have to pack up all my things again but i feel a sense of loss with them moving downstairs.  Its odd, communication will be a minimum.  Even the emails are changing. They will no longer be on business skype and the floors will be key coded now.  ACK!!   New era starting, Good or Bad? We will see - here's hoping for the latter. I'm going to stay positive, previous writing excluded. LOL
     Not a whole lot going on which is good.  I'm finding all sorts of things cleaning out the store room. Did I mention? I forget - senior blonde moment HORROR LMAO    I found a halloween Barbie doll still in her package. She is dressed in purple orange and black  and has a pointy hat on HA!  I found make up I bought also. its make up I used to wear years and years back, when I used to hang out in the 80's. I'm going to play with it this weekend after I get home from bringing the car in for an oil change and 20,000 mile check up.  SEE nothing exciting. Although taking a drive into the mountains to take in the fall colors  and walk in the apple orchards with hubs is a really good day! There may even be an apple pie in his future :-D
     Well I will not bore with the mundane doings as lunch has about 5 minutes left and I need to make a cup of tea to get ready for the afternoon doings.  I know - crazy life right  BWAHAHAHAHAHA
PEACE and be happy guys  that's what really matters - Happy can sometimes look like crazy and vice versa :-D      Ciao For Now

IM BACK!! I am bored!! LMAO  I do not like this  I prefer to be busy then notice its time to go home. I do like some down time don't get me wrong but a nice balance. Kind of like when you get a new tattoo and they are doing the outline and it starts to hurt a bit, then they stop to wipe it down. Thats what I mean . Okay just came back and Im excited i have decided what I'm making for presents for my friends, I think they will like them   LOL    I have ideas that I think are brilliant and then well they may not be in reality so if this is the case and you get one,........I love you   hehehehe   CIAO (again)

The Verdict Is In

     Today I finally found out today which side of the split in my company I will be in. I am going to be on the commercial side. I'm not so thrilled but it's okay, the government side of the Helpdesk is quite small. They will be swamped.  My side will also be swamped but for different reasons. We have enough people but two new programs are rolling out that we are going to get pounded with.  I'm okay with all of it except that I will no longer be with my manager. I also gave list most of the people I talk with most. We are all upset with it, but not much we can do.  I'm just a bit down. I'll get over it lol  I'm just a bit sulky tonight. But I'm not going to condem something that hasn't happened yet, we shall see. I'm going to stay optimistic and wait on judgement.  

     I'm signing off, just wanted to update the info as I've been talking about it.  Ciao For Now

      

Snow?

     So this weekend....got to see Sis, but didn't go as planned. I have some kind of stomach bug thing. Yes I checked, that's the technical term.  The drive up was fairly uneventful, yay, this is a good thing. So I woke up Saturday and felt like shite. Just kind of achy, ran a few dad errands, bought a new blouse and pair of boots to go out in. Well as the day played out it got worse. sis said I'll come by and bring some dinner over. So I told her thank you and she came by and brought meatball heros for us to enjoy.  A hero is a NY way to say a sub sandwich, or grinder they have many names. Dad, Sis and I all ate just one half.  Lol they were big. Yummy too.  So she stayed a while, we went to CVS to get the make-up she's going to need for Halloween. After that she went to hear the band and I went in and read a little, had a cup of tea with Dad, then went upstairs to my room and chilled. Took some Pepto and lit some candles. Just went online and watched a few episodes of Grace and Frankie on Netflix. If anyone has suggestions on series to watch, let me know. I know Breaking Bad and The Walking Zdead, but I mean others. My one friend recommended Penny Dreadful, it looks interesting.  Any others will always be considered.
       The tummy is still not happy. Driving home was interesting, several more stops than normal. I HATE I mean HATE having to use the rest stop toilets. I go to two specifically, that I know are clean and tidy. I went off the highway to go to a restaurant for the 3rd stop.  All said and done, I am driving through Aberdeen MD, and I see these two objects in the sky. Perfectly spaced, but not moving.  I know they're not aircraft in the provincial sense. So I call hubs and ask if the military has such a craft. I mean a plane that can hang there. Seems there are two, but one can only do it for a few minutes, since these were there for about 14 minutes at this point, it seems they could be Ospreys. Aberdeen us near the army base. So as I'm driving it starts to rain. It's been sprinkling on and off for an hour or so. Then the raindrops start getting big, then they turn to wet snow. I couldn't believe it. SNOW! It's not even Halloween yet. I know that this happens up in parts of Canada and upstate NY. Not in MD, not in the mid Atlantic.   I'm thinking the predictions for a snowy winter may be correct. I love it but it hinders my traveling to see my Dad. We shall see.
     Well peeps I'm going to bed. Hubs made me some peppermint tea to settle my tummy. So I will say Ciao For Now.

Busy Day Indeed

     As today winds down I'm watching the sunlight move slowly across the floor. At my old desk this would be the hours when I'd be blinded by the setting sun. It would come through one of the bank of windows and get me dead on in the eyes.  I sometimes would just put my sunglasses on , you know, because I'm cool that way :-D
     So many changes happening, all these new programs and websites they are training me in, it makes my head spin.  I had 3 days of training and I'm on the calls already, I now handle not just all the HR calls that come in, I do time entry, and pay roll. We all are doing this.  I'm thinking after the new year and we know whats doing and if hubs gets a new contract,  I will look for new work in earnest. (hows that for a run on sentence, pretty good eh?)  HEHEHE

    In the meantime - a few words of Mary wisdom  LMFAO
- if you loose your cool with someone, don't be afraid to say I'm sorry 
-  Friends, even the best and dearest will not tell you everything, don't pry, if they want to share they will. Just be there for them if they do 
- Never and I mean NEVER  pluck your eyebrows when you are angry
- Same goes for driving if possible
- Lastly, and perhaps the most important of all, when you go to the toilet, before you sit down, make sure there is paper!!  ;-D  lol     

Ciao For Now - weekend starts tomorrow WHOOT WHOOT, off to NYC I go around 7PM   :-D 

NEVER AGAIN (well I'm sure I will though)

I AM PISSED OFF and a little hurt too.   I bring in candy and I bring in bagels when I go to NY I have done this through all my years here. lately its been more scarce on the candy as one - I don't eat it and two - I don't have the extra cash flow to do it.   So today I didn't bring my lunch, I found out that a few people ordered to get from this one place  so I ping the one guy to see if I can add to the order & he pings back that he is already getting for 4 other people. These are sandwiches btw  not platters.  So I say okay never mind.  So they leave just now and 6 people leave,  I was like 6 people are going??? So one of these people could not get me the sandwich??  Granted yes I could have went myself but my lunch was used helping someone who had a HR question, he normally doesn't do HR and I was not going to say I'm on lunch no I wont help you. I can't do that  there were no other HR reps nearby.  So I guess i just overreacting but part of me is like really!!??  I will help anyone at any time taking time from my own down time  (I've done this before my choice I know) But god forbid I ask that a sandwich be added to a bag of one person when 6 leave!    Am I wrong, would you be a but ruffled at this?   I don't expect to be served but I have helped this person in the past, I have gone and gotten things for them, sigh   I'm too sensitive I guess. I needed to vert this   Thanks :-D

So As We End The Day

     Sitting here with hubs, after a light meal, we are just letting work leave our bodies. Tonight it's a few favourite shows, a bit of birthday cake and tea. Perfect. It came in with no big fanfare, no presents or flowers and that's okay. I had over 135 good wishes on Facebook, calls and texts from friends.  That's pretty damn good. A few stood out, a few made me laugh and a couple got me weepy. I think that's great. I share my birthday with a few folks. I believe Hugh Jackman's birthday is today as well as Alistar Crowley. Interesting for sure.
     As I start my next year I'm laughing at how ironic it is that hubs just got a job and had to work late so if we were going out tonight we would not have been able to.  We went to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner last night. Had some lovely appletinis. Yes I went girly on the drinks. Also have had blueberry mojitos and other libations. They do a good job. Lol.  Dinner was great and of course cheesecake. They have about 35 flavours. I got pumpkin. Lol. I know I know had that last night and a piece of birthday cake tonight.  Bad Mary. Truth be told I hardly ate today I was so full. Had just bites today and a Special K breakfast sandwich for dinner. Lol. And cake. Hahaha. Tomorrow brings good eating again and working on me. So yeah. It was a nice birthday. I'm going to watch Scorpion and then go read then bed.  It's been an exciting day.  Lol. Ciao For Now

almost half 3 in the morning

Can't sleep.  Cat and hubby both snoring . Cats louder. Lol. Hope you all had a good weekend

Little Ditty

     Not much today peeps. Was a kind of chill day. Had my training meeting and will again tomorrow and Monday.  So next week I found out that we will be told what side of the company split we will be on. The weekend of the 23rd they are moving our desks and that Monday we will be in the new areas.  I'm really curious but very sad that I will not see many of these people unless we meet outside of work.  Seems we will not be able to access every floor in the building. Only the one we are assigned to.  Man I need to find a new place.
     Hubs is asking where to have dinner Monday.  I really am not feeling it.  There is so much more we need money for.  All the help we were given. It just doesn't seem right. Dinner. Flowers. Meh. I love them I admit that freely. No secret I love flowers or gifties but I'm going to wait until next year. In sure it will be all better. That's what I'm working towards. I feel like I'm ignoring people and when I speak with them it feels empty.  I hope I'm not alienating anyone but I've got so much to work on , to better me. To be a better friend.  Hang on you'll be pleased you did. I'm strong enough to do it. Just taking time.  One amusing thing today at work.  One guy and gal and I were talking. He's a funny guy and the girl just colored her hair. So he asked her, collars and cuffs match. She giggled. I shook my head and he then asked me. Said "so how about you?  I said no. He goes oh not a natural blond and I look him right in the eye and said I'm not bald. He gulped she was crying.  Lol yeah. I will miss working with many of these folks in a few weeks.
     That's it tonight.  Will be back. Ciao For Now

Mid Morning Funny

     I read a funny joke this morning, it was this;  A woman answers her phone and a pervert on the other end says I bet you have a tight ass with no hair, the woman says yes i do and he's out mowing the lawn, whom shall I say is calling?  :-D     So I shared this with the lady next to me at work. This started a discussion of weird things that have happened when we answer the phone.  I have always been in customer service in one form or another, for various companies over the years and I have heard it all.  TANGENT --->  I worked for the company that invented the MUZE kiosks that used to be in record stores in the US, not sure if they ever made it overseas.  If so, and you have seen or used one, this gal here , yep the one typing, is the one that named that little invention. Was a very cool place to work. OKAY BACK TO STORY. Well every other day or so I would get this guy calling on my phone saying the rudest things to me, really raw stuff. It surprised me more the first time, it didn't disgust or scare me. Well as this kept happening my manager finally got on the phone and told this guy off. He said this young lady doesn't need to hear your shit and these lines are monitored. Well the phone calls did stop, yes my knight in shinning armour.   Funny story from when I was first dating my hubby. He lived in VA and I still lived in NYC. He had left to go home and it was a long drive as there was always lots of traffic on late Sunday nights. I had fallen asleep and woke up about midnight, hadn't heard from i yet so I called him.  he answered and I say hey baby, how are you.  I'm all alone here in bed and so wish you were with me.  The person on the other end asked who is this? I say "Isn't this Pat? he said "No, but I wish I was" He was laughing and I was mortified.  I quickly said I'm sorry I dialed the wrong number and hung up. Oh the days before I had a cell phone  HAHAHAHAHAHA
     On a break right now, I've been watching training videos all morning and I'm fighting to stay interested in them. I needed this break, thought I'd come by and write a few lines. Hope all of you are good, and again I thank you all for coming back and reading what I pen.   I need to get back to the thrilling videos. LOL   Later taters
     I'm back LOL   So i just was told that I am going into a solid week of training starting every day at 8am but at least that going to be 8 hours of OT for tomorrow on and all of next week, I can use the cash. Not much today peeps, so I will say Ciao For Now

Happy Happy Monday

     I figure if I say happy enough it will rub off and we will be :-D   So hope the week is starting well for you all. At my home the rhythm of getting ready for work is settling in. Its been a long time since we both were getting ready at the same time so now I take my shower first and while hubs is showering, I'm blow drying my hair.  I know real exciting stuff LOl but its the daily grind folks.
     The weekend was better than expected, the hurricane veered off into the ocean and we got heavy rain but it did not last the full day on Sat and Sunday was nice. It was chilly but it IS October.  I can't believe my birthday is exactly a week away. The time is going so fast. Speaking of fast, I was in the drugstore yesterday and the halloween candy is all out along with the decorations and cards. I did not see this in the store I was in BUT a co worker just told me they were in the same store in a different area and they had started putting up Christmas decorations already!! Its ridiculous, Its over 2 months away and already they are going to start pushing the buy this or that commercials.  I am making gifts this year for the adults, I have managed to put aside some cash to get the kids a little something. I have not given any birthday gities and I know the kids all understand, the youngest is 12, but okay maybe birthdays can go with huge kisses and wishes but Chrimbo? That's prezzies.  I know Pat and I are not exchanging gifts.  Im hoping that with the new year it will get better, hoping his contract will extend or at least get on a new longer one
      So I am looking to get a few warmer blouses and a light jacket for now as the cooler weather has arrived sooner than expected IMO, but wow, the styles are just annoying me.  In so many of the stores I go to, I do not find them to be flattering at all. The ones I like are costly. I am waiting for the sales that will be starting soon and then i will get a few pieces I can match up with what I already have. Thanks heavens for black slacks, they go with many things and then I am getting back into a few other items I couldn't fit into last year so that's more in my closet.  Thing I need most is a few pair of jeans. I need at least 2 pair, those are not cheap. Torrid has a few cute styles that I will need to go in to try on. Wish me luck.
      I am a fat woman, a short woman and I accept this. I am not ugly, nor stupid. I know what to do to lose weight and I have no issues with people suggesting exercises to try or trying different foods to eat that may be good subs for other things. But I am on this site on facebook, its a community for larger folks and its a positive outlook group. I get that, kind of a fat birds of a feather flocking together type place, hehe, but here's the grip I have.  What is wrong with someone saying they need to lose weight because they are having issues using a bathroom on a plane, come on. This was an actual issue, she even showed a photo. I was thinking about this, as I flew last year. I had no issue with the bathroom on the plane, it was roomy in my opinion. I mean its not a spa. I think I can see even enough room to bump uglies should the mood overtake you  LMAO  (okay getting off topic) Well all the people were like yeah, they need to make those bigger, WHY? I am all about acceptance and I have been teased and been uncomfortable but I don't get that the airplanes have to make the bathrooms bigger. I also don't agree with charging extra for fat people. So I get both sides of the issue. I do. I'm fat and I fit fine in a coach seat, put the tray down with no issues even with MY tummy.  That was Virgin Atlantic, I can't speak for all airlines but I am assuming they are all about the same. I just don't get that this group will not allow anyone to even talk about weight loss. Okay maybe its me. :-D
There is room for everyone, a mate for everyone and a type for everyone. I guess I'm a dreamer, I just wish everyone could accept us for who we are and not what we look like.  Animals (or what we call animals as we ourselves are animals) are better at this than us, which is why I love them.
Ciao For Now peeps
 

Just A Quick Note On This Latest School Shooting

Reading about this shooting in Oregon. Words of sorrow seem so insignificant, yet they are the only ones that seem right. Already, I'm reading of banning guns, if he was black, if he was a redneck, all the if and what shouts. It's all bullshit at this moment. What matters is those poor families who lost people, mothers and fathers who will not speak to their children in the morning, friends who won't meet up for coffee before classes. I am so sad and so sick about this. Look I left the church years ago, but I am spiritual. I have faith in a higher power. To single people out due to who they believe in, just makes me wonder when did religion start to cause people to fear, to hate, to shun other human beings. It's supposed to comfort, guide, give a sense of community and teach respect for life. A friend's was telling me about a book he's reading, perhaps religion has run its course. So much turmoil attached to it. I can't imagine what it was like on that campus, hearing screams and gunshots. I just hope that the families and friends of these poor souls somehow find a way to get a handle on this, I'm not sure if it's possible.

It's Picture Day LOL

Bet you didn't know there was a castle in the middle of NYC? Belvedere Castle, this and the Alice In Wonderland statue are two of my fav places in central Park. Those and sheep meadow. :-D

It so seems like this sometimes LMAO  But all is well , eyes are almost 100% back to normal and weight is coming off slow and steady as sugar is basically gone from the diet right now, well maybe a little in NYC when I visit ;-D

This one just amuses me , especially as this is how I met my hubby. I worked at an envelope manufacturing plant and he worked for a stationers who bought our envelopes  LOL 

Love this one!  

So that's it peeps, just a few pics, not in the mood to write, I will probably be writing some poignant pros this weekend as we are expecting some very heavy rainstorms and this round chick is staying inside. I will be making a big slow cooker filled with chili, some sugar free pumpkin pie mousse , and working on the homemade christmas gifties I'm planning.  So if I don't come back until Saturday or Sunday, you all be good or careful, your choice  HAHAHAHAHAHA   Ciao For Now