Afternoon Shortie

    Just came out of the longest meeting I think I was ever in. It lasted from 9am until 2pm with half hour lunch break.  LOL We are getting a new time keeping system and this was the training for it.  So what does one do during the boring stretch that doesn't apply to you?  We doodle that's what!!!

LMAO   yes yes we draw arrows with the feathers going in the wrong direction. At least its not flippers on an owl. ;-D
     Today I drove to work myself, and I can say that the vision is getting better. Its not 100% yet but i felt secure driving and its a short distance to my work. I work 5 miles away.  I wouldn't do a long drive to my dad's just yet but I'm thinking in a few more weeks it should be fine.   Speaking of Dad he was so cute, I phoned him yesterday to thank him for the anniversary card he sent us and I told him I called my Uncle. He asked why and I said it's his birthday dad.  He had totally forgotten. Its his youngest brother, youngest being a relative statement as he was turning 76.  My dad was the oldest boy. The other two siblings have passed on. So I said let me hang up so you can ring Uncle Pat.  My dad will be 88 as I've said and yes he is getting a little forgetful, but I'm lucky he's here. may he be here a long time
     Not much going on, hubs and i are going out to the mountain areas for a drive this weekend and probably will go looking at all the farm stands and things the "county folk" put out for sale.  Window shopping and getting out for a nice walk mainly but I would like to get some nice apples and make a low fat cobbler. Most pies from the store have way to much sugar in them, you lose the taste of the apples. We shall see.
     I'm going to say adieu. Take it easy and Ciao For Now Peeps

Not Much

.    I sit at night and things go through my head, I have every intention of writing them here. Then I get caught up in things and it gets late. So of ourse after a day at work, I'm tired. I did go over my 1150 calories for today, but with steak and not cookies and cake. So I'm pleased, I even had a couple of pumpkin cookies that hubs brought home to end our anniversary date on a sweet note.  Just a simple cookie and cup of tea while snuggled watching Castle. As I get upset at the show, and hubs laughs. He went and got a haircut today, hehe, I really want to pierce his ear, but never will happen.
     It was a very nice dinner. We went to Outback Steakhouse, so you know your getting tasty food. It was, my only complaint, is minor, in that the baked sweet potato was a big over cooked. I like mushy though , so no real issue. Tried a flatiron steak. Was really nice, had some spice to it. It was really enjoyable getting away to a restaurant together. As we've been so frugal. My feet were hanging off the seat though, lol.  Spoke to my dad, uncle, friends, so it was a lovely anniversary. So as I said before, all the thoughts in my head and I don't feel like gathering them up and putting them here. So I will tomorrow or next day, but soon. So until then, Ciao For Now

19 Years Ago

.    Tomorrow (Monday) will be my 19th wedding anniversary. Years back I know I couldn't have imagined anything lasting 19 years. Even good stuff. :-D.  But here I am, it's been good, bad and everything in between. We are not exchanging gifts but we are going out to a modest but tasty dinner at Outback Steakhouse to celebrate. I'm not going to say it's been perfect, far from it, there was a point in time where I would not have thought this would not be occurring, but it is and we are all the stronger for it. It has a lot to do how wonderful I am of course. Hahaha     So I will probably not be writing tomorrow night :-) But will be back Tuesday.  So I'm going to wash my hair lol. Ciao For Now

Do We Finally Find Our Peace? Sad Post

     Just was speaking to a dear friend. Hadn't really spoken to her in a few months. We've both had some health issues. We got pleasantries done and then she explained that her grandma is in a hospice. They took her off life support, she's holding on, but she's dying. My heart instantly broke. I could feel the pain even through her words. I wanted to hold her, tell her I'm here. So I did just that. I told her call me anytime. I understand it, even my hubs understands it. Anyone who has seen the life leave a loved one  knows the pain, yet not one of us can explain it. We all feel it differently.  Words can't explain it properly.   I know my friend, a strong woman, but I know she's hurting, and her mother is freaking out a bit. She said she feels lost that she can't help her mother, I said just be there. That's what matters. If you've lost someone like this, and I know some of you have, you know what I mean. I watched my mother leave, then my mother in law. I watched my father and his denial, I watched my husband's shoulders slump when we got the call, not an hour after his mother came off the life support. Death doesn't care if your rich or poor, black or white , religious or not. It comes. I know I hope mine comes quickly and painlessly while I'm comfortable in my bed and lies down with me and takes me to my next adventure.   We stand with those we love to support them, as we go through this final stage of life.
      I know, such a morbid blog, but I was taken aback, and the floodgates opened. My mind immediately filled with thoughts of lost family and friends.  Thoughts of family and friends still here came to mind as well. I have said , ( ad nauseum), how much I care for all of theses people. They know all too well, so I'll skip it. Next month my mom will be gone 18 years. A co worker just lost his mother.  Another one just had a baby. Circle of life people. Ain't no joke.  So eat good food, drink that good wine or fizz. Travel, meet and love people. Try every fucking thing you want to and if you look like a fool, well then, you gave people some laughs. ( Remind me to tell you of how I got out of the boat when I went punting in Cambridge.) be like Scrooge after the 3 ghosts visit him, giddy with life.  You read the paper, turn on the TV, this earth is dying, no it's not, religion is totally fucking us up with one group trying to destroy everyone else. Then the leader of another group travels and brings a new faith to people. Mother Nature is getting weird, no it's natural cycles.  No one knows anything and we all try yo be so fucking important. To have the top office, be better than anyone else.  Just be better than your own self  was yesterday, and for the sake of sanity, be happy in your life.
     Yes I rambled, it's half one in the morning here. Lol.  I may have had a little wine, but I'm happy! Hahaha. I will now end here, so until next we meet, a Ciao For Now

First Day Back To Work

     Not too bad, started the day with a BP of 120/69 and at lunch it was 140/80  Still good but I told you the employee that call in are huge pains.  LOL  They took pity on me and i am doing emails, love it, put in the earbuds and turn on the music and drown everyone out.  People have been coming up to me and welcoming me back and several folks have said that they can see my right eye is open wider than my left. I'm hoping that levels out but truthfully the ability to see straight takes precedence over my eye being slightly uneven.  :-D    Good to be back on track though. 
     I took this this morning when I started the day. I can see what they are referring to but meh! 

So there is my silly face and I will be back later with more stuff......maybe! lol  Ciao For Now
Okay I'm back. Lmao nothing new to really add, just that I am tired. I mean truly tired. After 2 weeks and many of those days being poked and prodded I feel  more than a little fatigued. But it's a good tired. I mean, the routine felt good. The getting up and out early. It will get better. So keep an eye out for more interesting posts and more like these too. ;-D  

Just Wondering

.    If someone helps you, is it there right to call and check on you to make sure you are doing what you need to? If you're an adult? I don't mean the hey how's it going phone call. I mean calling with practically a check list of things to do, even though you know what to do? We hit very rough times this past year, my hubs had to go to a lawyer ( house stuff) plus medical and house bills. I'm the only working still, hubs hits the papers, goes on interviews but to no avail. He's frustrated, I'm stressed, and I know his pain, and it hurts I can't take it away. With help we have gotten over the hump, but interestingly enough, family has helped, but it came with a leash. Hubs is breaking his back, cleaning and bagging, making the house look like someone would want to buy it. But he gets calls every few days to see how it's going? Has he filed paperwork, did he do this, did he do that. Don't get me wrong. I am indebted to them for helping us. ( Also to my own angel but that's a very different situation ). But today was my nephews 16th birthday. We called to wish him a happy day, and my BIL, just passed the phone over. No talking after the fact. It just seemed cold.  In my family, you helped whomever needed it. If you didn't have it, you didn't have it. If you did, you gave it and never asked about it because you knew that when it was able it would be paid back. That's how I am, I never had a lot to give but I would give what I could. I don't know, maybe it's my own guilt of needing help that's making me read into it. But I know what hubs is going through. We've had some very deep conversations and he even told me he knows I want to rip him a new arsehole, but we are trying to go forward. I wish I could fast forward to next year, this will all be over, I'm sure of it.
     As you can see I can't sleep. It's now half one in the morning, this is what runs through my mind.  We couldn't even buy him a birthday gift. :-(    Stress, yeah I need to get a grip and try my best to aleiviate it.  Not easy!!!!     I can say with a smile that my latest BP reading this evening was 149/76.  Yay!!  That's a huge step in the right direction, hoping the nerve palsy in the right eye will right itself soon. It seems like it's starting to.
      How boring am I? I've figured out what I'm doing for Christmas gifts. Homemade us where it's at this year. Bits and bobbles and homemade goodies to eat/ drink. I wish it was more but I can't really afford too much this year. I told hubs no birthday gift next month for me and no Christmas gifts for us this year. Ringing in the new year will be present enough. I hope everyone understands. Hell I still have to mail a prezzie from May. Lol Note to self, get that done at least!!
      I am going to attempt making a pork pie this weekend. Ground pork was on sale at the grocery store, I already have the spices and makings for a pie crust. I had a little when I was in England and it was really tasty. I'll let ya know what happens. Haha. We had pulled chicken tonight. Hubs made it in the slowcooker with some BBQ sauce then he shred it. Had it on the sandwich thins with coleslaw on top. Some veg to go with it. Made a very lovely dinner. Had tea and a biscuit while we watched the new season of the TV  shows we enjoy.  Then we went to bed, cuddled and talked. Cat joined us for a bit, but we weren't worshiping her enough, so she left the room. He's sleeping steady, I'm about to try that myself in a few moments. What happened to me, I used to be so much fun? I'm still cool as fuck though ( wink wink)  so I will say night night, good morning, and Ciao a For Now

Mabon Is Coming

.    Mabon is the Pagan/Wiccan way of saying the Autumn equinox. It's on Wednesday for us here in the eastern USA. This of course means days will be getting shorter, chillier. It's started already, kind of hard to explain, but you can feel it. Early morning chills give way to sunny warmer days. This will stablize and soon, boots and sweaters will come out of the wardrobes. Without really knowing why, people will start to gather more "things". Batteries, socks, food. We start craving, stews and soups. It's hard wired into us from those that came before. There weren't refrigerators to hold food. People forged for what they needed. They would salt fish, put summer harvests in root cellars. So that has become us modern folks. We keep supplies on hand should weather not permit us from going to the shops to get what we need. Still there are some that still  put up veg and fruits for later use. I want to, but need more counter space. BUT I've noticed my friends making mention of preparing soups and making bread. Things we do in the autumn. We can't help it. Lol  I'm planning some stews and chills myself.  I actually am planning on making a pumpkin chili tomorrow for dinner. I'm using turkey instead of beef to make it a little leaner. Would love to use buffalo but can't afford it right now.  And yes I said pumpkin chili. I make no apologies, I like pumpkin and it thickens the chili nicely, mixing with the tomatoes and other ingredients. Some light cheese and more diced onions as add ins, along with a salad will make a great dinner. I'm being a good girl, taking the BP meds they gave me. Keeping myself to about 1100 calories a day. No sugar. It's been fine. I'm in no way starving myself. I still get dizzy, do I'm not running around like I want to. But things are looking up. Oh eyesight still blurry but not as bad.  Yay :-D

     Also today was what would have been my Mothers 90th birthday. I miss her so. She passed away just over a year after I was married. She said all the time I was growing up that all she ever wanted was for me to be settled and happy. I guess she figured I saw a year married so I was settled. I suppose I was, I go back & forth on that. I wish I had more time with her as one married woman to another. I still draw strength from her words. I still can feel how warm her hugs were. Ah well. 

     So I will be going back to work this Wednesday, I'm looking forward to it. Getting bored I tell ya. Lol  I'm heading up to take a bath, then tea and a sugar free almond biscuit. These are really good, sugar free, gluten free. They are made from spelt. Called Aunt Gussie's, check it out people, they're good. Hahaha.  So okay, I'm out of here. Ciao For Now.  

You Can't Handle The Truth

     To start this off I want to say thanks to my friend overseas, your tag today made me laugh, I've been needing those laughs lately. I think I'm getting a pumpkin lover rep, another person I used to work with sent me the same picture this evening. LOL I do love pumpkin, and things with actual pumpkin in them. Not all the pumpkin spice, as those are what folks call the fall / winter spices. I like them in scent also. They are cozy, warm and yes, sexy.  So thank you my overseas dear friend for the giggle.
     Sis, I can't say enough, you know how I feel. It's so cool when you find someone as crazy as you. Someone who can tell you like it is. I appreciate you more than words. Muah!!!
     Okay so the title of this blog, the truth. We all say we want it, but do we really? At this point in time I can truthfully say yes. I'm tired of jumping, worrying, wondering. I'm tired of not having money, I'm tired of getting ill. I'm tired of not feeling pretty anymore. I'm just fuckin tired of feeling like the poor relative that people shut their lights when they see them coming up the walk to their homes. There - that's the truth.
     Truth - I'm tired of crying more than laughing
     Truth - I'm tired of having to put on a happy face all the time
     Truth - I feel if I don't do that, some people will not bother to speak to me, people have their own shit ya know?
     Truth - I hate that I fucked up in the past, with people, with situations.
     Truth - I hate that I have a hard time not being like that little yippy dog that means well but ends up annoying
     Truth - I love my husband
     Truth - I love my family
     Truth - I love my true friends
     Truth - I'd love to give my friends everything they've dreamed of, oh me too of course. Lol  Those Astins, Jaguars, musical instruments (hehe), vacations would be scratched out of many bucket lists.
     Truth - I know this seems like a phishing ploy for compliments, but it's not. It's the TRUTH!
     I can also say:
     Truth - I have more than many, a roof over my head, love , food, warmth
     Truth - I am pretty, I'm just feeling a bit depressed and that's okay
     Truth - I'm strong, I will get through this
     Truth - in a year ( or less hopefully) finances will get better and I can get the wolves off my doorstep
      Truth - I will then be able to pay back all the help I was given
So there you have it, the truth. We all have our truths, I want my friends to know they can trust me with their truths.  So this soppy sausage is going to say good night. Sweet dreams, good morning. :-D
Ciao For Now

Seeing Is Believing

.    Well right now I don't believe anything. I can't bloody see correctly!! I am wearing my glasses and up close I can see. My left eye hurts, waa waa. I don't like being nervous. I don't care about wearing glasses. I'm more concerned about the fact of if the eye doctor can't help I have to go to a neurologist. I'm not even sure what they do. Ugh.  Just dealing as it comes.  Otherwise it's nice not to have to go to work but I kind of miss it.  I can't drive and that's what drags me way down. To me driving is freedom. It's therapy. Soon I will be driving again, I hope.  Hubs may have to drive me to work. Lol. He is being so good & I'm rambling, hell I am bored!!!! Plus side is I've lost 3 pounds this week already.  Back on my fitness pal.  I recently put a pic on Facebook that showed as a memory from 2 years ago.  It was a great weekend. I was in NYC and ate the most fabulous meal of my life at an amazing Michelin rated restaurant. Amazing chef, his award is very warranted. I'm going to tell you, I looked pretty damn good in that pic. Lol. I still wear the same jeans so I can't be too far off. But I need to get myself better. Have a lot of living yet to do.  So I'm thinking positive. Well, trying to. Hehe I had someone at the hospital do a head turn when they asked me to verify my age. They thought I was 16 years younger.  I will take that!! Yeah baby.  I say maybe 10 at most not 16. I look tired lately and the eyes are looking a bit baggy. :-D. Stress will do that, but this too shall pass.  So here's to good things. For all of us.  Ciao For Now.

So There May Be An MRI

I am home after a night in the hospital. I've had a cat scan, and a radioactive dye pumped through me and there may be a MRI in the future. Good news, there is no blood in my brain, or my neck. My cholesterol is perfect. My sugar will always be on watch, but it's not diabetes. I do try to cut down on sugar. I do indulge but that has gone way down. Blood Pressure was a bit high. So I have meds now for it. They are saying this may be the reason for the double vision, but as the night went on, and there were other lesser tests, this is thought less and less. The doctor says it may be a torn retina, I still say I have a really bad infection in my right eye. They say no, I do hope it is something the eye doctor can help with , otherwise I must go to a neurologist. Ugh. I'm home now for another week. I mean I can't see right. It makes me nauseated actually, not a great feeling.  I'm already bored so feel free to question me, add comments or call if you know my number. Lol.
I'll be back so ciao for now.

The First Pumpkin Coffee

.    So it's 11pm and I'm in my room having a pumpkin flavored coffee. I say coffee not PSL as this is not Starbucks, and I say my room as I am in observation room 109 at Loudoun Hospital. What?? Yep seems yesterday as I was driving I had double vision. Not optimum on the road. Closing one eye I was able to get home.  Took some meds and laid down. Thinking okay the head cold has turned into a sinus infection. Woke up and showered. Not great but okay. As soon as I step into sunlight, I get the double vision again.  Ask hubs to take me to the urgent care.  They are concerned about the high blood pressure as that could of course cause this problem.  As it is I take xarelto and this could be causing the high BP? At this point I am a dog chasing its tail.  So she wants me to have a cat scan.  Okay we get here and I get the cat scan. Nothing is wrong, all looks good.  So then they are telling me they want to do a MRI. Oh god no!! Poor hubs he only left about 40 minutes ago. He's so good. But I have a problem. I have to take out my nose stud.  NO NO NO.  Well yes as I don't need it ripped out of my face so I finally get it out. About half hour later they say oh no MRI you get a laser scan using radioactive dye instead. Oh fuck me!!! Now I am waiting for the asst nurse to come help me get it back in.  It's not supposed to come out so this should be interesting.  So as I said I'm here drinking coffee and laughing. I had that dye put in with my blood clots. It gets warm all over.  When I  get this done I find my mind wanders and I imagine getting my veins pumped with andimantium  (is that how it's spelled? Lmao. Me and Wolverine- we are close.  So my eye is still blurry and I got Tylenol for the pain.  Hope tomorrow's better.  So I am an unhappy bunny.  Haven't said a word on Facebook as this hospital thing is getting old. I look like a pin cushion. My arms could be used as a prop for a drug advert. Ugh.  I want out.  I want to sleep with my hubby in my bed. Crossing fingers its tomorrow
 Other than that, it's been good. ;-).  Ciao For Now

Teeny Weeny Postee

     So today is Sept 11th. A somber day for hundreds of thousands, in remembrance of the act of terror on NYC's Twin Towers. Those iconic buildings, standing in lower Manhattan. I personally know people who have lost friends and co-workers. I am thinking of them as well as the thousands that lost their lives.  I want to make note that this was pure evil, a planned attack by extremists and people with the blackest of hearts. 
I just don't understand hate, I don't understand forcing your ideas on me. Who are you to make think the same as you. You have no right to push your beliefs on me. Then you kill if people refuse, how horrible a person you are if you do this!
 Okay - enough doom and gloom. I suppose its inevitable though today. 
     I am yet again sick, it's been brewing for over a week and today I feel like total caca. Its in my office and so of course I have it in my chest and head. I will say its an experience having to keep blowing your nose with a new nose piercing.  At least it really doesn't hurt anymore but I have Q-tips (ear buds) that I am using a product called Blue Water on them to clean out my nose. It's a saline solution, medical grade to be more exact. It actually looked totally healed but it can't come out until at least December. So I hear an Opal stud calling my name then?  hahahaha
     I got my car window fixed and guess what? The man who did it found my Iphone charger when he was vacuuming up the shattered glass. So they took nothing from the car, it was just vandalism. Again, I don't get it. Am I that simple and naive?  I don't think so but who knows. 
     My office boy toy asked how I was today (as I'm being more quiet than usual LOL) and I mentioned I'm feeling like caca. He told me i look good to him  AWWW  I needed that.  lol   Now he's sending me Star Wars pics :-D  LOL  

     That's it for now folks, I will be back, just keep an eye out.   Ciao For Now

THIS!!! It Is That Simple!

Blog is short and sweet, just like me! HAHAHAHAHAHA Okay - stop laughing  :-D

I am me, I have issues going on, I have friends helping me, I love people, sometimes too much , I cry when i'm happy, I get flustered easily. I am not gorgeous but I am pretty. Im sexy too, not a model sexy, but I can hold my own when I pull out the make up. I apologize for nothing anymore, I used to apologize for everything until I realized I did nothing wrong. Not in the way I thnk some imagine. Im a fucking good person surrounded by good people, I have no time for bullshit anymore, not chasing anyone. Im worth chasing too.  Okay of course if you are in my love list you will get a call but really, reach out to me too. It makes me feel wanted and I like feeling wanted.  We all do, that's not needy   LOL   Im going all around here, I am sorry  OOPS I APOLOGIZED  DAMN!!! hahahaha

Well That Was Not Expected!

     So we are closing in on Labor Day, it's tomorrow Monday the 7th of September to be exact. I spent last night out on Long Island. I drove up to NY yesterday morning, and it was a nice drive. The weather was/is beautiful. Which is nice considering on Friday night we had terrific thunderstorms. Oh it lasted almost an hour, rolling thunder, very loud at times. Loved it.  So up Saturday, off to see Sis. We had a very nice night. Stopped off so sis could run by some ink designs with an artist at Lark. He explained that her idea, although nice, would get muddled over time. He was honest, and straight forward. So after there we went out for BBQ then back to her place where we looked at ink ideas then finally bed. We awoke to go to brunch. Then when I was leaving, that's when I saw. Someone broke my rear door window. They took my charger, THATS IT!! I was not expecting my car to get broken into. So I called my insurance company, they are coming Wednesday to replace it. They are coming to my job.  Luckily I took glass insurance as part of my comprehensive, but I do have a $100.00 deductible that I need to pay. So yet one more bill on top if the lawyer for hubby and the house issues. I'm blessed to have gotten help but added expense us not welcome. So the drive home, I'm thinking what to do. I sigh and realize I just, yet again, just do what needs to be done. So I get home, hubs gives me a huge hug and kiss. I check the mail, and low and behold. I gave a check from Ford. I use their credit and they are telling me that my interest was over figured and this is a rebate check. Yeah baby, $162.00 I wasn't expecting. So window paid. Whew.
     I am keeping a piece of the broken glass to remind me, that this car is a thing. It's not important in the grand scheme. I have friends who love me, family who loves me, again it's true. I love them all so much. I've been given help by Sis, and the universe has decided I need a reminder of what's important.  Message received, loud and clear. Lol
     Tomorrow I'm cleaning here. We want to put the house up for sale in the spring, fall and winter, it's hard time to sell. I'm ready, I will do whatever I need. Not going to let my window drag down a great visit with Sis.
     I hope you all have a great Mondy, ciao for now.

It's been awhile I know

     So peeps your ole pal Mary has been frazzled as of late. So much going on and frankly if this would have gone on much longer i think I would have ended up i a rubber room.  I'm not talking kinky fun room, I mean hospital room, white open back robes, and drooling.  Years back that may have been the ending for a weekend night but not now  LOL  Now hubby MUST get a job, there is no option, I don't care if he deliver's Domino's pizza while looking for other employment but he must have cash coming in. This all goes to court end of the month start of october to make payment arrangement s and we need two incomes.  He knows I'm still freaking out a bit, family has been helpful but adding to stress,
     If you haven't figured out, my Sister is not by blood but of the heart and that is important to note. She has been my rock, she is such an amazing person, I cant even start to extol her virtues.  Another friend has put up with a plethora of emails from me.  I will hopefully get settled more now as things seem to be coming to an end.  I feel like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs lately.
     Office is also in an uproar as we are moving desks and I am moving to a different section temporarily as I will be moving again once the temps come in. & new people making 10 total new folks. Its looking very different around here. I'm not pleased. But it's like and you deal with the hand you are dealt. That's I'm good with, but I will always dream, its my nature

Okay peeps, I am heading back to NYC this coming weekend but only for an overnight to see SIS and then I am off Monday as it's Labor Day, so no one works  LOL  I'm sure I'll some tales as we always do something fun. This time maybe we WILL go to guitar center  HAHAHAHAHA
So thats it for now and as always - Ciao For Now