Almost the weekend

     First I want to apologize for the spelling errors in yesterday's blog. I was typing fast on my iPad and well, you read the results. Hopefully I do not repeat the offense in this blog tonight. Lol
      I am thinking that we may be getting snow! I say this sarcastically, because, hallelujah day, we have an empty yard!! I came home this afternoon and the lawn guy was getting ready to go. I walked with him to the yard, an when he opened the fence so I could look inside I wanted to pinch myself to see it I was dreaming. No overgrown bushes, no debris, no old lawn mower that hubs was strangely attached to. All that was left was our BBQ grill, two chairs and our very cool, wind chimes that's attached to our fence.  Oh and lots of gnats since everything was churned up. I looked for as long as I could because I kept getting bit by the bugs. Citronella time for the yard. At least now, hubs can go out, sit and have a cigar to relax. He does not smoke them inside.  Oh I have plans, but first we need to throw down something like a weed kill so nothing grows back. I want to do that on about half of the yard so we can put a deck.  Then try and grow some grass on the rest. I want to make it a quiet, calm place. So that I can go outside and do my rituals. Maybe build a little garden alter in the corner. Goddess or fairy statue, and stones. Hehe no worries, not building Stonhenge back there, but how cool would a mini one be? 😄
     Well tomorrow ends my first week at my job. I am on the phones. I was taking calls this afternoon and it feels like I never left. Like I mentioned,this is the first step in a very positive road.  More will be added to this saga I knw. Lol
     I am only doing a little blog tonight as I'm a little tired plus I'm getting up early to go to the gym in the morning. So I am saying god night, and as always, Ciao For Now 😀💗

Feels Like Home

     Well lovelies, I made it past my first hump day back. Lol today was a very god day indeed. Look I will be honest, I wish I was making a lot more money. I am actually making about 7 grand less a year right now. Once I do go full time that will change to about a difference of  5 grand. Yeah it sucks but I needed a job. I was out of work for 6 months and its a job in and of itself looking or a job. I need to work, well I need to feel I have a purpose is really more to the point. I feel that again. I admit its doing great things for my ego also. Theses folks haven't seen me since mid January, and I am hearing " oh you look so wonderful" or " wow you look great" every day so far. It makes me feel good that my efforts are noticed. I can be need, look I admit that, but I'm human. I like to hear that I look good. We all do, but I will tell you what makes me float on an even higher cloud, is that I heard today that my manager was speaking with my director and they want to bring me in full ice as soon as they can. That feels good, to be wanted like that. It humbles me that I made that strong an impression on them. I like the company, did from day one. They seem to have gotten over the bumps they were having and the future seems to be going in the right direction.  I'm familiar there, feels like a good fit, a comfy pair of slippers. I so hope I go full time, it means more money, benefits and other opportunities in other I visions. It will help mt socially as well, I will be interacting with people! I will now be able to save for my trip to England. Looking good, knok wood, crossing fingers, throwing salt over my left shoulder. Lmao
     I have now gone 2x to the gym before work. Seems to be working well, but we will see. I missed the gym when I was in Maine. It was a great time, all night party, rock band on the video at 4 in the morning. Bottles of wine, champagne and more than a few gin & tonics found their way to me and I welcomed them with open arms. I weighed in early ths week but loos like at least one more pound of the wright I put on is gone leaving one more. Hope to see that ll gone by Sunday.
     Labor Day is just around the corner. Next Monday , the 2nd of September. Long weekend - woohoo! Then birthdays, my friend coming in from overseas and I will get to see him as well. Then anniversary, and more birthdays, then holidays and then before you know it......HoHoHo 😊
Hehehe. I know, rushing it, but it's tue
      Well poppets, I'm heading to bed. Need to take off my war-paint and wash my face. So until next time I say, as always. Caio For Now
     

Well Time For A Blog Methinks

     Right now I am relaxing at home, sky is showing lasts licks of daylight doing its best to hang on. It was warm today, but make no mistakes, there is a distinct hint of Autumn in the air. Vacation is over, school supplies adverts everywhere, and the bath and body works store by me is pushing their new pumpkin, and caramel apple bath products.  This is coming into my favorite season. I adore the fall. Of course with cooler weather make-up stays on better, you don't overheat walking around. You get to wear thick comfy sweaters and boots and oh the colors of the season. So wonderful. Bright reds, yellows and oranges, mixed with the hearty evergreens, I can almost smell the woodsmoke from a neighbors chimney. Okay maybe I'm loving this too much, 😄, but there is something magickal about this season. Perhaps it's because, I was born in October, but I seem to come alive this time of year. Coming from New York, it meant apple picking, making pies, baking All sorts of goodies because the kitchen wont get hotter than hell this time of year, okay ONE REASON I'm sure I will always be a full figured gal.  I love to bake way too much. Hahaha 😋Funny enough, in VA it's similar. Little known fact that VA is huge in apple growing. Of course this means cider.  I'm talking home brewed hard cider. So exquisite tasting, it rivals a fine wine. We go up to the mountains here and you will find folks selling cider everywhere. If you know who to go to, (and hubs does), you will find the jugs that are put in the back. The ones that that have that layer of foam on top, signaling to you that these babies are fermented and one taste of them, woof!!! You have some fabulous hard cider. Not the crisp kind that I just spoke about, but thicker full flavored hard cider. A most delicious elixir indeed! Lol 😝
     Then you take a drive to Skyline Drive and the views will take your breath away. All the trees are in flames of colors. You are up at about 3000ft. (It goes up to over 4000 in some spots), and it's a colorful blanket for miles. They have log cabins up there and a hotel that serves outrageous hot chocolate. The real stuff, not that Nestlé powder. Not that that is bad, I use it too, but this is real rich Dutch chocolate, combined with organic sugar and homemade marshmallow on top. Reminder to self, save about 400 calories for a steamy mug! YUM!! Add a homemade apple fritter and believe me it's worth an extra hour at the gym.  
     Okay I will end my passion of autumn and tell you some awesome news.....I STARTED MY JOB!!!   Can't say new job, as its where I was actually made redundant from. I am no longer a supervisor as the position was eliminated. BUT it's a job I know, I enjoyed, and it pays more than unemployment. Plus I like the people there.  First day was today, and it felt like home. I will have the same email address again too once I get my computer. Hopefully that will happen on Friday. I felt good tonight, as I missed putting in a day at work. To me it's important to do something that fulfills you. I often feel lonely here as I have mentioned but work, I believe, will fill  good part of the void.
When I was in Maine my friend told me I need to join some groups. She's right, she is one of the few people I know and love who tells it like it is. She pulls no punches. She will tell me to shut the F%#k up and I'm being silly. I have just a handful of people who I'll do that and thank my stars for them everyday. So I'm perusing the ads to see if my writing group is restarting, or now that I will get out of work no later than 6 or 6:30 , I can possibly check out a theater group. Who knows, but I WILL GO TO ENGLAND IN 2014. 😘
     I was very happy this morning when I put on the dress I bought in May, only to find that it fits loosely. Looks better on my now but you can see a bit of excess material on the upper sides. Not that I mind. I am trying so hard to lose my pounds and get to where I want to be. I did put 5 pounds on in Maine but weighing in yesterday shows that I lost 3 of them and hope to loose the rest this week. I get 1310 a day before any work outs. Today I added over 700 calories to my total and right now at 9pm I am under my regular calories by 500. All good as I wanted to really do my fast today but I did a semi fast and probably will come in the same tomorrow. Grilled salmon or chicken with a big salad for lunch will find its way into my lunch rotation. My manager and friend gave me a desk right by the window overlooking the atrium. So I get a view while I eat at my desk. Yes, tonight, life has so much promise again. Work, combined with autumn season coming, friends around me, life is good.  I hope you are all feeling the same. So I will now say good night and as always - Ciao For Now

I've been away

Sorry guys. Will be writing a long blog tomorrow night. New job starting so I'm off to bed. Ciao for now

The Simple Truth

     Won't bore you all today as I did in the last blog, with my Maine tales. Today it's quick and to the point.
     Today I took two awesome kids out for a full afternoon of shopping and lunch, more shopping then ice cream. The simple joy of watching a boy ride in a convertible for the first time. The secret smile I hid while telling the girl that yes the waiter is cute, and why are you looking? LOL  Having them both hug me and tell me in unison "I love you Aunt Mary"
I got back, and smiled and laughed, as I told their mom of the fun we had. Then I went upstairs to where I am staying and cried because I dont have children of my own to experience this with. It's a fucking amazing feeling!!
Ciao For Now Peeps

So Far......Freakin' AWESOME!!

     Well it's been a whirlwind since the convertible and I rolled into town on Friday afternoon.  I was surprised that for the last leg of the journey, I didn't need any directions. I knew where I was going. Then again route 1 goes through all the towns, such as Newcastle, Boothbay Harbor. As one would assume, there is water all around. The area is comprised of peninsulas and from what I've heard, in the winter it can get so cold and snowy, that you really get confined to your given peninsula. Some passages are dirt roads and small bridges. Ah America, there are parts of you still untouched by the industrial revolution. Not one Starbucks in sight! Lol
     I digress - I was greeted by hugs and kisses from the humans and barking and purring from the fur part of the family. Not to dismiss the numerous requests for belly rubs, from the fur side if course. Happy greetings 😀 a few hours later we were off to opening night of the community theater production if the play RENT. Where I was treated to a very very excellent show, yes I cried!
After the show we went our for drinks. I was introduced to the cast and they were all so nice to me. Chatting and interacting as if they knew me for years. I had a great time, yet this was just a small taste of what was to come. The next day was a chill morning. Time to relax a little. Showered and all make up applied, we were off to the second performance. I again found myself chatting while I folded the playbills that got handed out to the patrons. Oh yes, I was put to work! Lol. Then we had the cast party at the house. OMG!!
it was loud, busy, lots of alcohol glowing, music playing and it was fabulous! Food of the night was Italian. I was filling bowls and handing out the food to everyone. Then joined in. Champagne bottles, vodka , gin and several other bottles were emptied one after the other. Spirits were high. Rock Band was sting in the other room. Conversations ran from show critiques to sex, to deep theological discussion to sex, talk about past shows done to sex. I was having the most fun ever! I haven't laughed so much and for so long in a long time. At one point whipped cream was on the scene. The canister  was shoved in my mouth as one guy grabbed me so I couldn't move as the other squirted copious amounts of  whipped cream  until it was all over my face. I couldn't stop laughing. One girl squirted some on my chest and proceeded to like it off. Like I said a friendly bunch. LMAO  the party lasted for 7 hours, maybe a little more. I dragged my tired ass up to sleep finally about 6:30 in the morning. Woke up at 9. Went downstairs and out onto the deck where the sun was wArm and the breeze was refreshing. I sat on a chaise lounge and dozed for about an hour more, with my new faithful pal Bolt (the adorable jack Russell terrier)  Came into find my friend cooking breakfast for us and the few if the part goers who stayed. I made her and myself some coffee. Grabbed a few slices if French toast and prepped it for her son and got him fed. As he informed me, " I'M HUNGRY AUNT MARY"! By noon everyone was fed, and happy. Then our merry group including the 2 guys who slept over trekked off to see a production of the play "You're A Good Man Charlie Brown" it was well performed but it was the geriatric version with a few younger people thrown in. They would entertaining and seemed to be having fun, so it was quite enjoyable. Then driving people home and a fab fish dinner and finally bed. I think I was sound asleep by 11, I was beat!
     So here we are at Monday. Maybe some souvenir shopping, need to pick us things for a few folks. Today is a very chill day, then again, who knows! Hahaha.
      There you have it so far, a few more days then back home. Okay I'm off to shower and get this day started. Ciao for now

You Never Know

     I just found out that a man I knew, and was my director when I did The Music Man, just died. I'm here on the treadmill  and the message came through. A dear friend of mine, who was our musical director for that show let me know. He also said that for years after the show, that the deceased man had always asked about me. He was very fond of me. It was nice to know that he remembered me that way. He was a priest and was stern but I had no problem with him. I didn't walk on eggshells around him as many did. I was just me. Lol  it got me thinking again, we never know truly the impression we make on people sometimes. Yet we all touch others lives every day. It's so important to remember that our actions can inadvertently effect someone. Moreover if we know the person, we do directly influence them. How often have you found yourself doing or saying something that a good friend or lover does. You just pick it up from them.  We don't even realize we are doing it.  Well I'm glad I left a good impression on this man. I will pray for him, that he has a good transition to his next life. He touched mine and I had lots of laughs during rehearsals. Some frustrations too of course, but that's the joys if community theater. He may have been a priest but he was simply a man. With all of the faults us humans have. But he tried, lived his life true to his convictions and you have to respect that. Farewell Monsignor! .
     Just had to get this out. I leave for Maine in the morning so look for a cool blog real soon. And I found out just now that I can type AND walk on the treadmill at the same time. Well ain't I just the shit!! Lmao   Ciao For Now peeps.

Choices

     I have come to realize that I'm settling into a decent routine. I am trying to get to the gym as often as I can. I will be away from it for a week starting in a few days. Then I stArt my job, that will most likely start at 8 to 5 at least in the beginning. I can do one of two things. Go to the gym early at 5:30 shower there then go to work or I can change after work and go right to the gym. The latest I would work until is 6:30 so I could just go after work. I will try it both ways but not going is not an option. I bought new jeans in a smaller size and I liked that. If course I need to get them shortened by 4 inches tomorrow(And these were the petite length) LMAO
     I notice the little things. Like when I get behind my steering wheel I have space. The wheel turns back on its own accord. My rings slide down my finger. I have to get a ring guard as my engagement ring has fallen off several times. It's about the choices I make myself consider before I eat. Like yesterday. I had over 800 extra calories because I worked out. I came in way under as I was even under my daily calories.  Well as I was saying, I wanted a bagel with cream cheese. I'm such a New Yorker. Lol. I was on the way home from the gym and it was really on my mind. As I drive though I thought honestly with myself. I'm going away, good chance I may have one or two goodies. So did I really want that bagel. I was hungry but with coffee it would have been 457 calories. That was too many carbs and not enough protein. So I opted for steel cut oats. And with coffee my total was 205. Big difference. The oats were filling and I put a touch of peanut butter in them (don't judge lol) for protein. I felt as full as if I had had the bagel but less than half the calories. I have taken time to ask if I really wanted it. It's choices and it always  will be. It's life and it is enjoyable.
     I keep reminding myself of that. Life is fun, or at least  can be. Maine will be fun. Earning money again so that I can go overseas and have fun. Right now I'm not on a giggly mood. I have a lit to do today and I'm doing it on no sleep.  My spidy sense tells me I'm crashing early tonight.
     Well perps just a hello and hope all are well. Until next time. Ciao For Now

Sunday Night Happenings

     Had a blog, but I deleted it. Not what I wanted to say. Will have one maybe later or tomorrow. Re-read yesterday's LMAO   Ciao For Now peeps Blessings.

It's just another Saturday Night, Okay Then!

     Well today has been a decent day. My thoughts of course flutter back and forth, much like a pendulum, even once stilled, just takes the smallest stir to set them off again. This is who I am. My mind traveled to my younger years today for some reason. I was a pretty cool kid I think.
I have always been called, " A Jack Of All Trades, A Madter Of None" this moniker was put on me at a fairly young age. Not to be mean, but actually a pretty good explanation, considering I loved so many different things. Funny thing is, I was pretty good at them, things used to come easy to me, when I was young. Now the longing is still the same, yet I have to try harder to achieve my goals. I used to paint when I was young. I remember making a painting for my Mom in school, it was of our grandfather clock, that stood in the corner of our dining room. It won a prize. Granted I was no artist, but it was a good rendition for a 5 year old. Funny, I can still remember it as if it just happened. I also remember in school, our teacher gave us paper that had a squiggle line of some shape on the paper. We were to draw something from that, something that would use the line that was on our page. Imagine my teacher's surprise when I handed her my drawing of a woman in a long gown, with long dark hair and big eyes. Yep the line on my page reminded me of a large nose, I handed the teacher my drawing of Cher! Lmao  I wrote poetry and even wrote a song for my guitar teacher. I always loved the arts, I loved to sing, I woke my parents one Sunday morning by playing the song Caberet on my clarinet at 6 am. Haha. Then all of a sudden it stopped. I don't know what happened but it was like a big eraser came and wiped my abilities. I was never great but I was good and more importantly I had fun! Singing was the only one I brought with me into my teens, as I was in our school glee club. I didn't write but always used more words than needed to make sure I painted a good picture for the person I was telling my stories to. I loved making up small stories and often did when babysitting, as it helped to get the kids asleep. Who knows maybe I was just that boring that they fell asleep. Lmao
Like I said, I was having strong flash backs this morning for some  reason.   This blog is more or less me writing again. See what I mean, using way to many words. 😀😀
      MY APOLOGIES AT THAT MOST SELF ABSORBED FIRST PARAGRAPH. 😜
      I got my new scale today. I love it and the display is digital, so I know exactly what weight I am. Tomorrow is weigh in day. We had Chinese food knight and I am so full. Eating about half of wht I used to, and nothing fried or sweet. Farewell my sesame chicken, I shall miss you may of all. (Shoulder shrug ) we do what we must. This I must, it's been far to many years that I did nothing.
       Oh man my credit card number was swiped. Yep but all is oh, number has a block, they know where it wa done. New card issued. I was shocked and it made me feel a little violated. Never tought that would occur today. I found out right father I had spoken to my friend, who had the coolest adventure! Zombie hunting! I was filled in a bit but the photos look so great, I want to hear more about it. Now that is a fun way to spend the day. Love hearing stuff like ths.
      Had some wine so I will blame my choppiness in tonight's blog to that. Not really the reason but sounds good, right? I'm not even really buzzed. Just nice and mellow.  Just wanted to come here and say hi. Hope you all are enjoying yourselves. Enjoying the weekend. 😄
      I really have nothing pertinent tonight so instead of rambling on, I will say Ciao For Now peace out Peeps lol 😘

Actually This One Seems Good

     It's 2am and I'm wide awake. Mainly because I fell asleep watching TV at 8 tonight for 3 hours. So I'm drinking a 1.5 liter bottle of water with lemon juice squeezed in. There were days gone by when I would be at a club, or a dinner eating gravy fries. You know what those are right? Just a big ol mess on a plate, crispy potato goodness smothered in brown beef gravy. So good at 2 or 3AM. Ah who cared at age 21. I remember being stoned one night in Greenwich Village. Walking up 8th street, it was about this time and I noticed the sidewalk had flecks of something shimmery mixed in with the cement. So as I stepped I tried to avoid these shiny objects, walked into a street lamp. So much for graceful! Sometimes that art if my life feels like a dream. I wonder how I survived a lot of it. I mean it was a time of punk music, new wave rock, sexclubs and after hour clubs. I went to a record premier party for some group, I don't even remember their name. We got so drunk and stoned. You couldn't walk two feet without someone handing you a rolled up dollar to "do that line" with. I remember having a great time. I was in the back garden talking to this man about space, and infinite possibilities. My girlfriends had scattered. It was fine, I like talking to new people. I do remember that one of my friends and I ended up in this closed room with this man we liked. He was from England and had long blonde hair. I don't remember his name, but he was cute, and we were mesmerized by his accent. Then he wanted to have a three way and proceeded to pull his cock out for us. OMG, just like that, no how'd ya do, just unzip and whip it out. My friend and I just looked at each other, considered the option and laughed. Poor guy, he just stood there looking hopeful. I remember grabbing him and putting him back in his jeans saying thank you for such a lovely offering but we were not ino sharing. Damn, you think I'd remember his name!
      The eighties for me read like a weird book, that you had to keep turning the pages because you just couldn't believe the main character did what they did. I practically lived in the city in the 1980's. I loved the clubs, I loved the make up. Oh I had purple hair mixed it with my brown hair. It was big hair but never as cool as the guys in the rock hair bands had. Music was my world at night. Taste ranging from Duran Duran, to The Clash and everything in between. I saw Run DMC walking the streets in Queens, near where I lived. Q-Tip from  A Tribe Called Quest rode the N train right next to me! I saw Dolph Lundgren and Grace Jones walking down Christopher street, what a striking couple. I even got 86'd from this gay bar because, well because I had a real vagina. Go figure lol.
I worked as a phone sex girl, then at an escort house answering the phones. My first customer service position. Hahaha! I never did anything and often marveled at the girls who did. Many had husbands and boyfriends, some even were lesbians. I just couldn't imagine being married and doing sex for a living.  I had so many offers from fetish houses to work them. Man looking back I could have made a fortune but in reality I made it through the 80's disease free, unlike so many of them. I know more than my fair share of people that were taken by AIDS.  Gay and straight! I won that round of Russian roulette and never felt the need to tempt fate again. I was either very smart or very lucky, but we all know its a combination of both. I was always selective, very open, and willing to try anything, but I wasn't a bed hopper. Although I was far from vanilla! Okay enough of that, I don't want to send out the wrong impression. I was young, living in my own place, I performed Rocky Horror in full dress 2x a weekend and was having fun. Unfortunately, hindsight being 20-20, I should have went back to school then. I did eventually go back so I suppose it turned out alright.
      I see I've gone on a Mary tangent, did you get all that? Wow I haven't rambled this much in awhile. Just my mood tonight. I feel good, far cry from the other night. Life throws so much at you and lucky for me, my past helped me. If anything it taught me to trust my instincts ( although I often chose not to) for better or worse, whichever lesson I learned, I never have forgotten. I will be able to sit in my rocking chair, an old lady in my 80's and if you look at me you will notice my smile. I will have great memories. Isn't that what life is? Go out and get experiences, learn from everything, do your best so when you look back, you can say, no regrets? I suppose there may be a few, but so far even those times, taught me something. I am grateful for my past. It has given me strength to handle the present, and made me curious as to the future. I'm a different person some 20 years later, but my core stayed the same. Love your life and the people you have in it. Have fun, be serious when called for and always remember each day is a new possibility.
     Well the bottle on my night table is half full now, and almost an hour has gone by. I think it's time I try to get some sleep. Shopping for vaca clothes tomorrow and some housework. Then enjoying a movie night with hubs tomorrow, along with a nice Pinot Grigio. So until next time pers, ciao for now. 😀😜

It Does Get Better!

     I want to apologize for my, I guess I'd call it meltdown late last night/early this morning. This blog will not always be pretty, or full of fluff. It a place where I go to vent, it's like my therapy. I need to get it out of my system. I did, and today has proven a much better day. I did finally fall asleep around 7:30 in the morning and woke up about 2 hours later. Hubs was up, and really didn't recall much, I didn't think he would.  I made us some tea as I was SLEEPY!! Needed the caffeine, but other than that I did nothing. I let him wake fully, as I was grateful when he said that he had only gotten up about 20 minutes earlier than myself.  He blessedly slept through the night. Then I got a call from a friend and that cheered me up immensely. Then I went to get our breakfast, but neither one of us was hungry so we both just had more tea and a Special K Protein meal bar.  We then sat for about 2 hours just holding on to each other and I explained what happened and how it hurts to watch. I was very calm, and we just cuddled and he apologized if he was an arse. I had to laugh, then teased him that, hell I'm used to that, but it was nice. Just being there with no distractions, no computer or TV. His back hurts and I'm sure it will for a few days. But love is not always roses and champagne is it now? It has darker moments when one of us is not at our best. I think its those moments when the love shines through the most. We don't leave those we love and care about. We just want to help them, take care of them, and share with them. That goes for your spouse, your family and your friends. All seems back to what is referred to as "normal". Then again if I'm involved its not normal :-)   So here's to a better night, and nights! 
     I wanted to get some things done, but to be honest I am draggin' a little. Oh I've gone to work on 2 hours and sometimes no sleep, but when you are on phones you can veg a bit as you are not doing anything very physical.  That is one thing that I did not do that I wanted to, I wanted to go to the gym early this morning. I did not as I was home with Hubs. I used my weights here to do some arm curls and lifts. So I will go tomorrow. I would like to go every day if I can, as when I go away, I wont be going to the gym that week.  Tomorrow the digital scale I ordered should be arriving and I am interested to see what it says. I know my scale here is off by about 7 pounds. I don't know why, but no matter where I put it, it gives the wrong weight. I at least weight the same each place I set it down. So when I lose, it still shows correctly.
    Right now we are experiencing a thunderstorm, and I can hear the rain on the roof.  Hubs went to do the laundry, so he is in the basement. He does laundry because I can not reach all the way down into the drum of the machine to get the clothes. I have a grabby thing I use to pull them out, when I do laundry. LOL I know its funny. Go ahead, giggle if you need to LMAO 
     Well thats my blog for today, as I can tell I am going to crash early tonight. Life is good and I am most grateful for those in my life who put up with me and my craziness. Those who do not judge me and are honest with me. Lying only gets you hurt, so I don't. I actually know people I couldn't lie to if I wanted, they mean that much to me. Words can't express the joy I get from speaking with them. One of them was on the phone this morning, you all know who you are. MUAH 
     I am off now to prepare the scallops for our dinner tonight, so as always I say Ciao For Now. 

   

HELL!!!!!!

No one understands
Tears come very easily as I watch him stumbling
As he cried out that he hurts
Nothing I can do as he stumbles into the bathroom
As I hear a loud crash
Face across the tub, can't lift him
Watching as he gets himself up, saying how it hurts
I'm trying to help but told I can't , he won't
Two sets of tears,  one wishes for the end to come
He's now quiet, hoping sleep takes him until morning light
No sleep in my world right now
Can't stop myself as I feel the tears
Silently now I will watch him all night
No more sleep    Very sad, & a  little scared
I don't want pity, I need release
I need to find a way to get him back
Back to the way it was, for better or worse right ?
Forgive me Mother for I have sinned
Please guide my thoughts so that I can find strength

This is part of my release
To write the words so that they no longer
Have any power, envisioning him cloaked in your white healing light
Steady snoring is starting. Thank you
Let him rest until he can understand my words
May the dawn come fast
Protect him, help me to find a way to help him
So more it be !!

A Blog By Any Other Name...

     Peeps, I got my car back today. Its so funny because I was singing my autos praises to my friend, as he had asked when I was paid off. Which will be in December. I like the idea of not having a car payment. It's $500. a month I would not have to lay out. But this last trip to the dealership, which was supposed to be a state inspection and 85K mile check up, turned into an $1100. trip. The stabilizer arms had to much give and with out new ones my car would not pass inspection so what should have been about a $150. service call, was almost ten times that. I was talking with hubs and I am thinking this time next year of possibly getting a new car, and keeping the convertible just for summer months. Where I live you can get minimum insurance on a car if you only use it a small amount of time. It would be nice as I love the top down. I have priced out 3 cars. All Fords, say what you want about Ford but this Mustang is my 5th one and I've never had any issues with them. I mean even the Mustang now, its not unusual for things to start to need fixing at 87,000 miles. I have priced out, a Fiesta, a Focus, and a Fusion. I love the styling of the Fusion, as the front looks like a poor mans Aston DB9 LOL. It gets good mileage as well. Then there is the Focus, which I like quite a bit. My loaner car was a Focus sedan and the time before was the hatch, I liked them both. Very roomy and even better gas mileage. The Fiesta is the smallest, but it is really cute. A friend of mine has one and I will check with him to see how it rides. This is probably my best option if I do keep the Mustang. It is cute but I need to test drive it, its smaller than my Mustang. It IS the best for the gas mileage, and as the prices rise and I still go to NY fairly regularly, it may end up being the winner.  I also want to test drive a Cooper Mini, I am sure though that the cost will be higher. Where the Fiesta and even the other 2  Fords are cheaper than what I paid for my Mustang. Oh I don't know, it's just on my mind. I can even store the Pony at my dad's during the fall and winter. He has a totally empty garage that would be perfect.
     That has been on my mind as well as just odds and ends. Most I'm sure you would find boring. Like I worry over things that I have no control over, things I have no right to even worry about. Then I wonder if anyone else thinks of me the same way? I told you, boring for all of you, but real for me.
     I went to Whole Foods Markets and they sell all these bulk bath bombs and scrubs. I do make my own sugar scrubs, but I walked past the dead sea salt scrubs and one of them just drew me towards it. It contains, rose petals, jasmine, calendula, and lavender. It smells divine and I don't have dried flowers so I bought some. I took a long soak in the bath last night and I didn't want to leave the bathroom. I lit a candle, and just relaxed in the hot water and the scent was intoxicating but not overly powerful. The best thing was that the bathroom smelled so good for hours after my bath. LOL If I had more shelf room, I would buy old fashioned apothecary jars and fill them with different scents. I love girly things, but I won't cry if I break a nail. When it comes to scent and bath items though, I am very girly. I would love an entire display, and a dressing table to apply my make up and lotions. I even got hubs to use my night moisturizer, as he has dry skin, he puts it on every night now and his face looks better. No more dry. I wish I could find something for his body now, that would be a miracle if I could get his itching under control. He gets so miserable and I understand. He was up all night 2x in the last 5 days. Not good.
     Well like I said a blog by any other name is still my mind regurgitating my thoughts. Tonight has no real theme, just things I've been thinking about during my day. Ah yes, you can see how interesting my days can be. LMAO
      I need to get some paychecks saved up as I need to get some perfume. I am running low. I am just deciding which one I want, as my scent likes are not cheap. I adore my Balenciaga Paris, but there is a new one by them I want to go to Nordstrom and sample, it's called Flora something  LOL. Then again, I love my Tocca Collette, cool botttle on that one also. Well I have small amounts of them both that I will use with care. For when I go on vaca, and when I meet up with friends I haven't seen in a long time. They last so a little goes a long way. Oh don't you love scent? I know I do. I have others I like, some were gifted to me that I would never have tried and I enjoy them very much. Actually that's how I found the Balenciaga. It's lovely. I did get a large sample from a Sephora order, of one called Gorgeous Gardenia, by Gucci. Its nice and light, I haven't worn it yet so I'm not sure how it will smell on me, hopefully nice. I also have an scent by Pucci, that is still in use but the bottle top is the coolest looking topper, very 60's groovy. That will not be thrown away, I'm going to to something so I can make it a paperweight, its so pretty  hahahaha
     Well Im sure I really am boring you now, so I will say ta-ta, and finish my tea, and go to sleep as I want to get to the gym early tomorrow. So until next time - Ciao For Now

Stay The Course

     Today I did just that but I will admit IT WAS HATD TODAY! I normally have no real problems, and when I have a craving it's very specific. (Usually pizza lol), but today it was not one thing. I was just HUNGRY. I drank lots of tea to try and fill up, as well as drinking water. It helped a bit, but really didn't squelch the want. Well here it is at 10pm and I do have calories left to eat, but it's too late to eat anything. So I have a mug of Tazo green tea with lemon and ginger, just relaxing and trying to calm my mind. I'm not ravenous, but it's like my mind keeps poking me, reminding me there is a new block of Imported English cheddar downstairs in the fridge. Shut Up mind! I may have givin in if it was earlier, but here's the thing. I seriously thought to myself "am I really hungry, and for what?" I couldn't narrow it down, so I figure I'm not really that hungry. I will wait and use my calories when I know what I want. I can honestly say that I've cut way down on my Splenda intake. I'm so trying, and I know not every day is going to be easy. I'm on an uphill climb of my own making, I will do this, it's my not going to take a month or two. I can't tell you how badly I want to fly over to England and meet all these wonderful people and have them think I'm the craziest but fun Yank they've seen in awhile. Hehe 😜🇬🇧
     I have to tell you, I am excited about visiting Maine, I just went to Target to restock my travel size toiletries. I miss them so much. I did see Her about a year and a half ago, and it was too short a time. I love their home up there. Visitors get an entire floor to themselves. She likes when I come as I usually am up early and go down to make coffee. Lol it's visiting family, there is a comfortable aura there. Unfortunately the jut had to put one of their dogs down. It will be weird not seeing Holly when we get here. She was such a sweet girl, she was 15 and had lots of ailments. It was more humane to let her go sleep.
     So many new things so quick. I start the job officially on August 26th. Hubs birthday a few weeks later and then a friend visits and then my nephews birthday and my wedding anniversary. Then October starts...all my family have things going on in the second half of the year.  Before you know it Yule will be upon us. Whew!!! New Year then - that has no car payments, a trip to England, and much smaller clothing size. I am excited to see all this come to pass. So here's to dreams and hopes. I know this blog was not exciting at all, sorry. 😀  Until next time Ciao For Now

Another Pleasant Valley Sunday

     Today was picture perfect. High of about 25 C or 75 F degrees, with low humidity, lent itself to being out doors this morning. I came in at 2pm so I could watch a special BBC1 program that announced the next actor to play Doctor Who. I am getting ready to go back out and grab as much of this day I can. Easy dinner tonight so no rushing.
     Weigh in day showed almost 3 lbs gone. I am quite pleased as my goal is to lose another 15 pounds at least by mid September. It can be done, just means no alcohol and none to very few carbs. Plus of course my gym time. That above all is helping me. I was told that it would be key to my weight and he was right. Sometimes peeps, I get angry, and frustrated with myself. I really let myself go. It's been an uphill battle getting rid of this extra weight and I am doing it. I do though look at pics of me in high school, as a curvy size 16, and I want to click my heels and get that size back right away. It's not happening of course, but I keep that pic out so I can see my goal.
     I guess my best news, and please forgive me if I'm repeating myself, is the fact that I got a job. It's going to help with my weight loss as well. I will have a more regimented schedule during the week. I will drink my teas and eat breakfast and lunch at the office. No boring voids that I used to fill so easily with nibbles. I will go to the gym early in the morning, as they open at half 5. That gives me time for a workout and then I can either go home to shower or shower there and to right to work. Work will be either 9-5 or 10-6 so I can easily go home if I want, have breakfast and get there in plenty of time. I'll see what happens. I'm sure you will be all on the edges of your seats waiting to here my choice. BWAHAHA
     I must address my last blog. I know it was quite naughty. Naughty can be good. Still not saying how much was factual as opposed to fiction. I will leave that up to you, but those who know me can just say, either way it was pure Mary. I like writing erotica, I like sex, it's nothing to be embarrassed by. I did make note it was an over 18 blog. Lol 😉😜
      I'm trying to improve on myself. I have begun keeping true to my path to the Goddess. I have been cleaning house, so to speak. Mentally and physically. I have fears and jealousies and always will. I do now meet them head on. I found that I can handle them and its been making my resolve so much stronger. I will get to my goals. One being the tea shop I would love to own one day. I got a return letter from the place I mailed and they told me they could not help but did give me a list of places that they believe can. I will check them all out and work on a kick ass proposal to send out. I will take this time to earn money and save it away. I see this coming year to be very exciting, I wil be on my work assignment until at least Feb. so I am going to keep working on myself. Build my strength to keep starring down my fears.
     Well I am out peeps to enjoy the rest of this lovely afternoon. Until next time, I say, Ciao For No

From The Emerald Isle (very over 18 and naughty blog)

     I was talking with someone today and it made me think of my youth, the carefree days of learning and finding out about myself. This is a story from my long ago past. Is it true or made up, you will have to wonder or just ask me ;-)

     He lived in Long Island with his brother, who was in Ireland at the time so we had the house to ourselves. I wore a black dress with stockings and heels. He was in slacks and a white shirt. We laughed and drank as as the night wore on, kissed and touched and then well it started.  We knew we were ending up together. He then went behind me and hugged me into him while nuzzling my neck and kissing my ear. Then he unzipped my dress and pushed it off my shoulders and down my body until it slipped to the floor. He reached around and squeezed by breasts as he started to gently bite my neck. He told me not to move at all. I started to turn to him and he smacked my ass telling me again not to move. Okay I was getting turned on. He kissed my shoulders and ran his hands down my body and back up again. He then unhooked my bra pulling it off me. He then stood in front of me and leaned in to kiss my nipples, then bit them. He held me still, I was getting so hot when one hand reached and rubbed between my legs over my panty hose. He pressed his hand into them and was making me wetter and wetter. I was really hot now but when I shifted he said no movement until he told me. OOOOH I like that!! He tugged and ripped my panty hose right by my pussy and he started to use his fingers in me. I thought I would fall. He worked up a slow rhythm then faster and faster until I couldn't hold it. I told him I was going to cum and he said to ask him. He slowed down hid fingering and well I wanted to cum so I asked if if I could. He said yes and shoved his fingers in and out of me as I came. He backed away and I saw that his cock was rock hard in his pants. I went to reach for him and he said not to do that.  I was confused. He said he will tel me when i could touch him. He took down my panty hose and then told me stay there as he walked over to his chair. He sat down and told me one word : WATCH.  he unzipped and pulled out his cock. He started to stroke himself and I was watching him getting all hot and bothered again. I loved watching hum jerk off. I also wanted to devour him. He told me to get on my hands and knees. I giggled but did it. He then told me to crawl over to him. I was like what??? He said if I wanted him I would do as told. So i crawled over to him as he stroked his cock, bending it out towards me. I couldn't wait to taste him. He reached over and started to rub my ass all over. Then trailed his finger around to my pussy. He did this over and over and every now again would slide his finger inside me. I was practically drippiung I wanted him inside me now. But he looked at me and guided my head to his cock. He told me to suck it! And so I did. He had his one hand on my head as the other rubbed my butt and occasionally spanked it when I wasn't expecting.  I heard him moan which I love to hear. He stopped me before he came though. Then he stood up and asked me to get up and take off his clothes. Mind you I'm now only in my heels. He wouldn't let me take them off.  So I stripped him and as I pulled his pants down, I licked his cock. He smacked my ass again and said no.  He took my hand and off we went to his bedroom. He laid me on the bed and put a blindfold on me and asked if he could tie my wrists up. I was nervous and horny as hell and said yes. He had me cross my wrists and tied me up that way then tied the rope to another tie to the bed. Couldnt move m arms down if I tried. Then he opened my legs and started to go down on me. I confess no one had done this to me and I was going wild. I couldn't see but he told me he was going to fuck me now. He lifted my legs and pushed his fingers inside me making me wet then he was over me and slid hi cock inside me. Always my favorite feeling. He then proceeded to fuck me hard. I couldn't see him and he actually laughed a little when I tried to lower my arms to touch him. He asked what I wanted, I told him to fuck me. He said "like this?" then rammed me hard several times. OMG it felt great. He then slowed way down and asked "or like this" I wanted him to go fast and deep. He said "tell me" So I did. He said "no - in full, tell me you want me to fuck you hard" Then he said beg me. He started to pul out when I said nothing then of course I was crying "yes yes please fuck me hard!" I loved the feeling of submitting to him, to have him take me. He did push into me again with a smooth hard rhythm, and I came a couple of times before he came. (In a side note I am multi orgasmic) He didnt come in me but he pulled out and all of a sudden I felt him next to me. He told me to drink him as he pushed his cock into my mouth the same way he was just doing to my pussy. While he squeezed my tits and pinched my nipples (love that). I drank him as he came.  When he finished he took off my mask but left me tied up. He smiled and told me he would be right back. He came back with more rope and a vibrator. He used the rope to tie my legs apart then he went between them and licked me again, holy shit I was sensitive and I kind of squirmed. Oh he must have loved that because then he stopped and took off my blindfold. YES I could see him again, he kissed me deep and told me to enjoy the feelings now. he then started to tease me with the vibe. He ran it up and down my legs, placed it near my nipple, I was really squirming now and he said stop it as he gave my nipple a twist. It was a surprise and I could feel my pussy started to clench at the feeling. He leaned over and licked and bit at them as his hand that hand the vibrator in it started t go up and down my pussy. He ten took his other hand and well adjusted me so I was open to him. I saw his face and the look he had on it was intense!! He kept on using the vibrator all over me then he started to fuck me with it. He would do that then pull it out and rub my clit. He kept it there next to my clit, and with the vibration and him playing with my tits, I was going to come again. He told me to ask, he asked me if was I a good enough girl to get to come again and how much did I want to cum?  I was losing all control and really was wiggling now and both annoyed and overly wanting. i wanted to grab hold of him, but I couldn't, I wanted to wrap my legs around him, but I couldn't. So I begged him to the point that I thought I would bring out tears of need a d want. He played with me while watching me, I came hard, so hard and he told me to look right at him as I did. No closing of my eyes, not throwing my head around. So I looked at him as I came.  He then untied me and told me to stand at the end of the bed and lean over. I did and he then spanked me proper saying this is for moving about when I was told not to.  Oh man he would rub my ass then spank it. It did sting a bit but in an erotic exciting way, then as he rubbed it he slid a finger in my ass. He kept doing this, then stopped. I sat up on the bed as he got up and washed his finger and came back to me, He pushed me down and started to bit my neck and ear lobe and he pulled my arms over my head. Held them that way with one of his hands then got between my legs and fucked me again. This time slower and I felt like I was floating. He asked if I liked doing what I was told, I said yes. He layed next to me and held me tight. 
     There is more of course, all the little nuances that would have taken several pages to write and probably bore more than excite you. Lets suffice to say he took pleasure  in using all of me when I couldn't move. We went out for a few months and a couple of times he let me take control of him. I used the vibrator and my tongue on him the same as he did. It was a fun time. I have to say though, position wise it was doggy or missionary slightly changed. Not overly spicy, kind of like a jalapeno compared to a habanero. We did use handcuffs and I loved the mask and not knowing where he would touch me or what he would do. I knew I liked it and it wasnt until later years did I develop certain skills and learned more positions. But I was 21 then and being a big girl, not every guy wanted to get as into me as he did. I found a club in the city called Hellfire, and S&M fetish club, went there a few times. So yes I dated, I was even tied up again. Had all that done and taken to higher levels. No real pain of course, that's not cool at all. I miss it a lot! It was fun and exciting and ......oh well, it was great!!