The Eve of Destruction...(cue dramatic music!)

     First a Blessed Samhain to all of you, it's the New Year, the veil between the living and parted is said to be at it's thinnest so the dead can cross over. That is one reason we dress up so that the dead think we're one of them and leave us alone, but that was back when Superman and the sexy kitty cats costumes were NOT in fashion. LOL  I always light a candle and do a small private ritual welcoming the New Year and send good wishes for all that I know for a prosperous and happy New Year. I also remember all those gone who I love and miss that they may be at rest. I learned long ago not to toy with things as there is power out there. One time I played with it and I touched the point of my athame with should NEVER touch anything physical with. Well I touched the point to a pomegranate during a Samhain ritual we had and I lie not,  the knife literally fell into pieces, the hilt, blade everything fell apart in my hands. If I hadn't seen it I wouldn't have believed it so yes I have great respect for the powers that be.  
     Well it has arrived - tomorrow is Annual Enrollment, the day has finally gotten here. I'm going to need lots of love and caring and laughs from my friends as this is hell!!Not really but would be a welcome diversion!! :-D  Policies are changing this year and there will be lots of unhappy employees with lots of questions!!  I am thinking of John Belushi's words of wisdom..DRINK HEAVILY!!!  Yes the weekend will be a much needed release I am sure, or at least will do my best to make it so. If I don't succumb to sweets and carbs these next 2 weeks I am golden and the holidays will be a breeze. I don't think I will see a gym either as my knee is really hurting. I think I will have to go to the docs but i am thinking instead of the excersises that they have me doing with bending my knee I may go there and work the elliptical as that has no joint pressure so it may help. I don't know I just want to move.  I want to move it, move it. MOVE IT!! hehe  I want to shake my tailfeather , shake what my mama gave me, move the junk in my trunk, you get the idea.  Umph that's right move it up & down..oops sorry went off in a tangent there...;-)
So cross your fingers for me and wish me luck, I'm going in Sarge!!! hahahahaha
So my peeps until next blog I say ciao for now.

Sunday I've got Monday On My Mind (apologies to Robert Smith)

     Well with the surprise of snow yesterday, nothing was done outside that was planned. Seems Mother Nature was trying on her new white gowns but I can't remember the last time I saw snow in October. They said it was over 30 years here in this part of VA, similar I'm sure in NY which is of course home. Always will be. It was nasty too, not the nice snow where it gets that feeling like your in a snow globe because noises are muffled but the wet drippy kind that chills you bones, so of course no one wanted to go out. So of course I went out to get extra supplies just in case. I get to the store and of course everyone is buying their milk and toilet paper, seriously people don't you keep these stocked?? Get on line to wait and my knee is killing me. I start to get my bags out of the cart when this nice man grabs one of them and say "here let me help you're limping". I welcomed the help and thanked him. It was then he asked to go get a Starbucks with me, which is in the same shopping center. I politely declined but it felt nice to be asked. Maybe it's in the air, a friend of mine got hit on also as he rode the trains to work. LOL  It's nice to know we are attractive to others I think but I have found I get more looks than ever before and I'm chalking it up to how I feel about myself.  I am attractive and I am sexy. I can rock a skirt and hose although I don't have any that I like at the moment. I do have the cutest burgundy velvet swing dress that i can't wait to get into. I bought it on a whim one day on sale for like $25.00 and I will be in it by next holiday season believe you me and i already know the black boots I will be wearing with it. I have them earmarked in a  catalog. The dress is not one of my long flowy ones I like, this one is shorter, above my knees, with black tights and boots, whoo hoo I'm gonna look fuckin' hot!!!!!!!! 

     Problem is today I weighed in and GAINED a half pound. WTF?? that's not good no no...so hmm extra salads this week, I don't know but I need to plan my meals to bring to work anyone so that's what I'm doing tonight. Still almost 32 pounds , 31.5 right now.i plan to hit 50 pounds gone by New Years. That's my mini goal. I need to challenge myself and my knee giving me problems is not helping. I may have to suck it up and go see the doctor about it. I hope I'm not doing damage to it, hell I just started walking better and farther!! 

Even with all this , I have a good outlook, yes I will falter but fuck me if I can't get up and go on with it. I am a stubborn woman and it will work to my advantage. Yep in a cursing mood at the mo. So until next time I bid you adieu .

14 years ago

     10/29.1997 I remember it as if it was yesterday, the call came from my Dad about 5:00 AM. come quick the hospital called, Mom isn't doing well. Pat & I jumped out of bed and drove as fast as safely possible. By the time we got to my Dad she was gone. They had only just called. I sat there stunned, it had been just over a week that she was admitted. My father looked so lost, I don't know who I was crying for at that point but I think it was for him. I really didn't cry for my Mother until after it was all over. I didn't have time as I had to help my Dad with the arrangements and then the wake and funeral. My Uncle came to stay with us for a few days, my Dad's brother who was in the religious order. He spoke so nicely at the wake. All the neighbors and relatives came and all I kept thinking was how good my mother looked there. There was no pain on her face anymore. I guess that I had just gotten so used to seeing it that I didn't notice how much pain until it was gone. She looked about 10 years younger in her casket, the make up person did a lovely job in making the make up look natural instead of plastic as I have seen some.

     I was very fortunate to have her in my life, we used to go on drives looking at new homes and little weekend jaunts to Connecticut or Massachusetts. I will never forget the time she asked me if I had ever had sex. I was 23 and was amused by the question. I told her yes I had and she asked when. I told her when I was 16 with Chris. She just sat there and I expected a lecture but she smiled and said Chris was a nice boy. She then asked me what about Henry? (my next boyfriend) I said yes. Then she got quiet again, now you have to be told Mom adored Henry, he was very attentive to me. I was not prepared for the next question. She asked me "How was it?" Oh hell Mom, I not going to answer that which is what I told her in so many words. She laughed and said well my little girl is a woman. I told her she taught me well to respect myself and not to bed hop. She was very open about sex and she always said that if each person cared for the others pleasure both will have the best outcome. Her words. Yes my good Catholic Italian mom had a deep understanding of sex, who knew. LOL   She loved to host parties too, we always had something going on. I so loved those parties, when I got older me & Julie (my bestie back then) were able to stay up and even have a drink of champagne every now and again. 

     Oh Mom I miss you so much, our last trip to Massachusetts after your chemo was so fun, never thought I'd get drunk with my mom but we did (a few times LOL)  You left me the year after I got married, so I never really had you to help me through the things a new wife does. I know you would have loved helping me set up house and i would loved to have gone shopping with you. I miss you everyday, and still draw on the strength that you passed on to me. I just want to hold you once more but now i do it in my memories. You will always be loved and remembered as long as I have breath in my body. 
     I could go on & on with stories about this wonderful woman but I won't bore you further. Mom I love you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday and Fish Smells

     Well the day was progressing and all was well and then as I'm sitting doing my work diligently of course as always (hehe) I begin to smell this odor. It got stronger and stronger and it smelled like bad fish.  Now all jokes aside and I know you are thinking of several right now;  it was really terrible. I thought a mouse died behind one of the panels. I couldn't take it anymore so I sprayed my perfume...PRADA...and then we had the scent of Prada fish. Lovely just lovely!!  So this was my day (so far)
     I hate the way they have moved our office all together and now instead of unifying the two departments its become a he sais she said atmosphere where each side is watching the other making sure to report any violations on the other. NOT condusive to a good working atmsophere.  I hate this anyway as it's my nature to be peaceful but all I will say is that I've had a headache all day!  LOL   I know I'm usually the cause of many.
     Tomorrow is going to be fun though. I can't wait to show up early tomorrow, as I am working the morning shift, in my costune. It's going to be great!!!!!!!!  I will take lots of pics to post.  I wondr of much in charge I will be with my face covered in green make up and a horned headpiece on. Kind of kinky sounding eh?  Oh yeah...now you WANT to see don't ya?  Ya you know it,  hanging with a green chick that's right..Once you go green the joys yu have seen!!  I just made that up, like it?? Of coure you do  hahahahahaha  Well guys I'm signing off early got to go to get my make up tonight after work so no time to blog...peace out and ciao for now!

2nd of the Two for Tuesday

     Well as the day ends I am making binders that hold our training for annual enrollment 2012. Of course I put my flair on it and made a really cool cover. See the website we use for employees to select benefits is called Choices, so when I made the cover I went to google images and selected a really cool image that said choices. It was colorful and it made a really nice cover along with the print I selected. I printed it up and made the binders and then one of the guys walks by and says why is thre a gay logo on the binders!?  What??? So I look again and I realize it is indeed a pic for gay choices.  DAMN!!!   I didn't even realize it, and even though I thought it was really pretty, yes it was rainbow colored I changed it as not to offend small minds. So I had to select another picture and by then the color printer was offline so my new pic is not in color!!  That sucks!!!!!!! 
      I am starting on my Christmas cards, no really. I have about 20 special ones to make and I try to select cards that I think suit the people I give them to. I was looking through my stamping websites for inspiration and I found it in a card I made about 4 years ago. Imagine that I inspired myself, damn I'm good.  LOL
     I am also feeling so empowered tonight, I really need to get new clothes. I know I've said that I can't see the weight loss but my pants can. I used to have them set nicely over the mound of my belly and now that mound is smoothing out and my pants are falling down. hehehehe   Yes my island paradise in the tub, you know the part where my belly is over the water line when I lay down, is slowly sinking into the ocean, one day it will disappear much like the lost world of Atlantis. Yes I am a wonder of the world, meaning most people at one time or another wonder about me for some reason or another ;-)
     Well peeps it's just after 8 so I am closing up shop, I will post a new blog tomorrow when the muse hits me. LOL  Stay cool ...ciao for now

Two for Tuesday

     Well let's see. This is my first blog written from my phone so it may look odd. I tried on my Halloween costume last night and holy cow the damn thing is huge on me. Seriously I'm talking I look like a melted candle. Should work though and hey I'll be comfy. Of course like most things it's too long on me but that's fine too. I'm excited as I haven't dressed up as anything for years. It's going tobe fun, I already bought my make-up and I even have a cool raven staff. I'll post pics after work Friday. Lol
     I have no idea what this weekend is bringing. I'm hoping for something fun as the next week is the dreaded annual enrollment. I'm not kidding. My guys instead of answering 40 - 50 calls a day may very well be doubling those numbers. Its very draining....this is my 4th AE 1st as a supervisor. Its been meeting after meeting. Glad it will be over soon.
     Weight issue is going well. Was on the phone with my dearest Melissa and she is down 24. We had a nice chat and as always I am so happy when I speak with her then I get sad because she is so far away. Its like that with all my dear friends as none of them are near me. Imagine how tbat feels. It sucks!!! You see all they are doing through photos never getting to experience it live. You want to make memories with these people but all you have are older memories. Look I'm not crying really or looking for pity as its just how life is but it would be nice once and awhile to give these people a real hug and kiss. To sit and share a meal or have a drink. I think maybe that's why photos mean so much to me. Its what keeps me going until next time :-) I just miss having those I love around me. I am very used to doing things on my own god knows, but yes I get lonely here and I'm not ashamed to admit it nor should I be penalized for feeling it. What i can be chastized for I suppoe would be the pressure i unintentionally put on my friends I don't see but then again they know I love them and I just get a bit nutty occasionally so hope the just shrug it off and still love me!!! :-D
     So peeps this was a short one and I will be back, all is good, mood is high and loving life!! Ciao for now.

Don't Fear The Reaper

     Ah Monday. you come like clockwork after two glorious days of no work. It was a decent weekend. Lots of yard work which was great up until the time my knee twisted again. Man I swear I hate this. I was going to go to the gym this morning but that didn't happen as my knee just didn't want to play nice. I did my excersises this AM here at home and it's feeling better. Well now I am sure you are all chomping at the bit and the results are in. I am over the 30 pounds by a pound and a half. So 31.5 pounds gone. I still really can't notice as I have lots to lose but by losing of course I'm gaining and the road is not all downhill, lots of curves and hills to climb. Will get there, just got to get me some hiking boots. I just wish I could fast forward to me at a size 16, it must be hard to those of you who don't worry about their weight but it's something that you are hit in the face with every day. I hope that it makes me a stronger person but I admit sometimes I feel very weak and the urge to say fuck it is strong and then I get scared sometimes too. Yes scared that I won't be around to do the things I want to. We all know this isn't healthy. I know you're thinking if I know it's not healthy why didn't I prevent it. Good question, but I have no answer to it. It just happens, you don't feel like it's happening either but then BOOM one day it hits you. One day you realize that you need to alter this. You have that one day lots of different times, and this is the time that I seem to be actually successful in my quest. I have to as you see I really don't want to die before it's time for me to do so. Life is so short anyway and it's time to make sure I will enjoy everything it has to offer. Sorry to be so maudlin but it happens occasionally. Hey I'm deep baby, lots of thoughts go through this head of mine, normally very upbeat but i am human and have fears as well as hopes and dreams so I'll be back later tonight as I have a very full day ahead. The office is in such disarray right now and well you know annual enrollment is in full swing and starts next week. I have errands galore today and right now I am feeling good!! So bye bye to sad thoughts and off I go to shower them away and start the day.  Oh did get my hair done Saturday and I'll leave a pic here so check it!  So until later peeps...ciao 

I want to Move It Move it!!

     Move we are. We are so crazed at work right now and today I got word that I may actually move to the new office digs, meaning my supervisor cube, tomorrow!! So there was a mad rush as we all started boxing our stuff. Thank heavens I don't have to move my cabinets as there is so much stuff in there from files to first aid needs that I would have needed 15 boxes!!   So the next few days will be a whirlwind and once again I will be in meetings on Monday in regards to annual enrollment. I can't wait for Nov. 15th when all this will be done!!  I have over a weeks vacation available and I so want to use it! Was saving it, but now I can afford to use some of it as plans can and did change. LOL
     In regards to me being scarce, not really but I am busy, the song by the Simple Minds came into my head "Don't You Forget About Me"   I feel that way sometimes and life gets busy and I know we have other people in their lives that we need to be with but I hate the thought that I may fade from people's minds.  I am a bizarre creature in that my nearest and dearest are in  my mind every day if not for a moment but I honestly do think of them. I often wonder if they do they same. Like they see something and it reminds them of me. I also am ashamed I wonder that as it seems so self absorbed. I guess the fact that I have no little ones makes me want to know that I make an impact in others lives (hopefully a good one!!LOL)  Ah well I just wanted to say hello as I may not get to another blog until the weekend. I will come by Sunday and let you know my weigh in results. I am down a full dress size and am starting to be able to go shopping in my closet for things that i had grown out of and lucky me!! It's winter things  YAY!!  hahaha   So until next time peeps...ciao!! PS. Here are a few pics of my box(es) for ya  LOL  I'm so silly

Well what do you know? :-D

     I am here at work and it's the start of annual enrollment and its crazy between conference calls and rennovation being done, (I am being moved to a new desk area soon) it's been easy not to smile as I stated in my last blog LOL, but every now and again someone just makes your day, not going to extoll my own virtues as thats crude but someone gave me a very sweet compliment and it felt very nice. Suffice to say I am pleased that my efforts as a supervisor are being well recieved.  The weather is rainy but even though there is no sun out to set you can tell the day is winding down.  I am down to 5 employees from the full day number of 14 and it's much quieter. This is the time I do my most productive work as far as my reports and such.   SO ARE YOU ASLEEP YET??   HAHAHAHAHAHA    Hey I never said that I would always be rip roaring hillarious.  Yet of course I am always outrageous!!
     Went to the gym this morning and I tell you the excersise I was told to do for my knee makes it hurt more!! Yea the knee is still bugging me but I was able to kneel without it killing me this weekend so that was good.  I spoke to Jo Ann last night as she is back on track she told me. Good for her, she lost 4 pounds this week, that's awsome I am so happy for her.  I'm glad that I got back to my 30 pound loss and we shall see what Sunday weigh in brings me.  I have to tell you the more I allow myself to feel beautiful and not hide behind my weight the more I am getting looks. Um ... we all know I am a camera whore hehehe and I love pictures so when I hit 40 pounds my friend and I are having a girls weekend and going to play dress up. I already have 2 funky awesome wigs to wear and lashes and make-up, gloves and boas  it's going to be so much fun. 4 drunk gals playing dress up, pity that hotel bar!! LOL   I got honked at the other day and that was wild, I'm so not used to it but then again when I was not married I was not aware of how many men really like big gals , yes I mean FAT eeeeecccckkkkkk she said the word. Yes I did and it's not a bad word. So men (or ladies) if you are reading this and you like large ladies don't be embarrased to say that, hey I like brunettes, same difference, right?   Life is wonderful and there are tall people, skinny people, short people, fat people, blondes, red heads, brunettes, so many people to look at and I for one love the diversity, enjoy it everyone and don't be afraid to stand up for who you are attracted too. Better to be honest in your choices and happy than miserable trying to fit in to what society thinks you should like.  Vive la Differance!! Until next time ....ciao

Bollocks!!

    Ever just need a hug or a kind word or a surprise (nothing big just something not expected)?  I had  smile this morning from a dog in a car - he was hanging his head out the window and enjoying the ride, but for the last two days I have been in a foul mood. No one really knows it as when I am at work I always try to be upbeat and smiling. I am that way normally with everyone so the few of you I actually let my real feelings show I say sorry and thank you.  I saw a post on a face book friends page and lately all she writes is how shes had all this stuff happen to her and when will she be loved and where is mr. right and why can't she be in a fairy tale?  Well you get the idea and I want to scream at her LIGHTEN UP! There will be good times and relationships again, just believe in yourself.    Its so doom & gloom and I guess I am afraid that I may be that way sometimes and I hate that that may be the case so if it is please forgive me. My battles are mine to overcome and I will but I have to say sometimes the gal who is always there sometimes feels alone.  This is life though and as you know the saying - that which does not kill us makes us stronger!!  So here's to a new day, a new life and peace in mind and souls.  Just is a bad mood today - sorry guys   you know I love ya xx

Have Fun

     Well poppets today I woke early. Unlike the night previous I slept quite well and was actually awake and feeling good so off I went to the grocery store to get my eggs and turkey bacon to bring to work for breakfast for the week. I had a nice time at the store as everyone there was in a chipper mood, It just made me smile. The air is crisp, and the temps are cooler and I come alive this time of year.    Know what I did when I got home??? I sat on the bed and jumped up & down. I started to laugh and the cat looked at me with a human look that just made me laugh more.  I swear I'm not losing it but you know, you have to have fun!! I tell you I'm still smiling. I'm a goof I know, I once was in a mall, god this was when I was about 17 or so. It was a hot day so I kicked off my sandals and sat by the indoor fountain and went in!  LOL  Yep my friends said I wouldn't so of course I did. IT WAS FUN!!!  I liked my little albeit if not odd behavior this am.  Look I'm still dieting I'm still concerned if I'm responsible but every now and again you have to let loose.  Watch a cartoon, play a board game, run through a sprinkler, be daring and drink from the hose. What goes around comes around so have fun and others will too.  We remember childhood with such fondness. I think we were less fearful,less cynical and the world we move in makes us need to be diligent, but what's wrong with drinking chocolate milk and eating bologna sandwiches once in a while. Like jumping on the bed......it's fun!!!!!!

    This daft silly blog brought to you by the letters F, U, C, K     (fun, uninhibited, childlike, karma)      My GOODNESS!!! what were YOU all thinking...I was only JUMPING on the bed!  LOL  Did you just smile? Bet you did, good , my job here is done!!   Until next time luvs..peace

A Sex Post indeed (under age please don't look!)

     Hahaha  I bet you are all wondering what the heck is she going to write about now?!  Well I will tell you....sex, making love,  fucking, self love,  whatever you want to call it.   It's just the mood I woke up in and just how I feel today. Now I don't mean that I'm going around stalking porn sites (well not too many hehe) I mean that I just feel sexy today!  I am noticing textures and tastes and it's very arousing...and yes I woke up horny.   I love sex, always have always will. There is nothing wrong with that no matter what the nuns in school told me!  I love eroticism a lot. The hint of sex, the enticement, the teasing. It all builds up to a wonderful time, hopefully with someone you care about but alone is good too.  I love mind AND visual stimulation, I am a romantic and yet I can be such a vixen when I choose to. 

     Sex feels good, it's not a crime to enjoy your body or someone else's.  Look I'm fat (SHOCK!!!) but I have no problem leaving the light on. That took a few years but I can say that now with confidence. Hey my partner is with ME, he knows what I look like and he enjoys me and I enjoy him.  The arousal of a touch just how he knows what to do, God the thought of it is enough to get me going.  I have a vivid imagination and finally am starting to be able to once again execute some if my thoughts, I can't wait to be able to do more. Bodies joining as one, a sacred union not taken lightly. I love sex but I have always been picky, I never slept around, okay maybe a few one nighters here and there when I was younger but I NEVER bed hopped. Oh I experimented, I wanted to know what I liked, I wanted to know what he liked and in my younger years what she liked too! Yep once or thrice I was with a woman, I am not embarrassed to say that, I'm glad I did. 

      I love to touch and taste my partner, I want to explore every part of him, and to me when each person wants to please the other that is when you have the best sex, the selfless sex. That is a complete union an equal caring of the others needs. Never be afraid to say what you want!  For too long I kept my mouth shut, well metaphorically speaking LMAO  You need to communicate, and oh lets not forget sounds speaking of communication. I just LOVE hearing my partner moan and make happy sounds, it turns me on. As does erotic and even down right filthy whispers in my ear or when we are making love. Make me do as you want but don't be surprised if I turn the tables and take what I want right back! Sex is fun, and its good excersise and good for your skin, really they are proving that more and more that sex is good for the body!     

       Masturbation is also great. Mutual masturbation is fun, I love watching a man and I will reciprocate for my partner in a heartbeat.  I have so many toys and love all of them. Some are vinyl, some rubber, some glass. I have realistic looking ones, ones with suction cups on the bottom and some that vibrate hitting all the spots they need to. Sex helps you sleep, c'mon admit it! You know a good self love session when you can't sleep is just the ticket. Plus you sleep better since an orgasm releases such energy in your body you then are more relaxed. Semen is great for the skin ladies (and guys). Hmmm wonder if that's why they call salon features facials hehehehehe  oh man I'm being so naughty aren't I.  Well anyone who knows me knows I am! I love dirty jokes and I have always viewed sex thusly:  As long as everyone agrees and no one gets hurt who cares what goes on behind closed doors. (or in the kitchen, living room, in an alley, park, the beach, you get the idea wink wink) So my friends, love yourself, love who you are with and have fun and be safe!!!!!!!

Wow

     I got nothing!! Actually I have a lot but my head is having trouble this morning formulating the sentances. Maybe it's that I've been getting up at 5AM every morning, maybe it's because I'm eating NO carbs again, maybe it's the tornado that touched down in the area yesterday, or the fact that a new rep made me livid yesterday as I listened to her phone recordings!! I do not know. So I will just say thank you to all of you who come and read this blog everyday. I find it amazing that there are those of you as far as Russia and Denmark that have visited me here. Please don't stop and say hello if you want :-)    To my dear friends who I know read this daily, MUAH I love you guys! So I will be back maybe even later today with yet another blog but until then, may you all have love and peace in your lives!!   

I Feel The Love

     Well as I look at the clock it's exactly 10:22 pm, the exact time I was born AND it was also a Wednesday. haha

     Everyone was saying sorry you had to work on your birthday, but that's okay, I didn't mind. I like work it gives me a sense of purpose. They had a surprise little gathering of cupcakes and coffee. They gave me a card with so many signatures I was late logging into a conference call because I was reading them all. LOL  I also got an Itunes card and a Starbucks card. I had that lovely dinner last night and about 85 birthday comments on facebook. I also received a fantastic bottle of wine that I can't wait to open Saturday. Was such a surprise I got all teary. Yeah I'm weird that way. I spoke to dear friends old and older (the new are not so new anymore ) and felt the love. I sit here as my husband is snoring away, cat cuddled up next to me now that she is sure I won't make a purse out of her (inside joke haha) and I feel at peace and yes I'm teary again. Happy tears though.

     I can tell you it's back on to Phase 1 tomorrow. NO BREAD AT ALL!! I feel weighted down and noticed I've said that in my last few blogs, so it's time to remember the fun and get diligent again, knowing there are more fun times but i realized that the treats tasted so much better because they were not an everyday occurance. They made a special time even more so. They are not the enemy, my abuse of them was. They are not gone for good but like dear friends you don't see often, the time you have with them is more special. Heavens did I just equate my friends with food!? hahahahahahahahhaha Not how I mean it but I know you get my drift.

     So just some quick blogging and now off to dreamland. I hear the rain on the roof and it's soothing. I am in a good place both metaphorically and in actual locality.I want to share a choon with you. I love music and the fab thing about music is that depending on your mood or where you are coming from a song you have loved for years takes on a new meaning. How f'ing cool is that!! C'mon it's amazing. Art is just wonderful, it makes you feel, dream, think, remember and just makes you feel good!! This song to me now is as if i'm talking to myself 4 months ago. I had to let go of things and I know that the old me is lurking and always trying to gain the upper hand, but she won't win. I will embrace her, acknowledge her and know she got me to here but now the new me will move forward, can't wait to see where she ends up. So even if it's not your cup of tea listen to the song, listen to the words, hear them, feel them and see if you can relate!   Ciao for now peeps.

Much Needed

     Well tomorrow is my birthday...the 12th of never lol. The saying older and wiser kept going through my head all day. I'm definitely older, but wiser? I like to think so. I know that I can be quite naive in lots of things but work and finally my health I would say so. Although tonight's dinner did nothing to help my waistline but I enjoyed every bit of it. Except for the half I brought home in a doggie bag. hehe I will enjoy that for lunch tomorrow. 

     I really needed tonight. Work has been so busy and not the usual fun place. It's just that we are getting close to crunch time for annual enrollment and it can get tense and I feel it and it just gets a heavy vibe. So I just do what I need to and help where I can.This too shall pass.  Now I set my sights on things I want to accomplish by my next birthday. I would love to be in a size 16, could happen but I will have to be very strong through the holidays. Should be okay methinks.    I want to have my house all new and decorated by then also. I want to learn and do things I haven't done before. I am taking an honest to goodness art class this coming Saturday. Want to see if I can do more than color. A few of my friends draw and a couple of them very very well. Its a talent I long for. So I'm going to try. You have to try and if I don't take to it at least I tried! I have learned that in my years, you have to try things.  You cant let your fears overtake you. easier said than done.

     I had such a wonderful surprise this afternoon. My friend and his children called me from England to wish me Happy Birthday. Ever have something so simple bring you great joy. THIS was such a something!  I was training some people and it made it hard to hear and I'm sure I sounded silly to them but it meant a great deal to me. 

     A wiser woman I pray to become, I want to be a person that makes people glad they know me. I want to make a difference in people's lives, how I'm not sure. LMAO Sorry if this blog seems a bit sideways as I've had several cocktails this evening! So here's to the years going by, may they teach us, may the amuse us and please may they be kind to us. Peace out peeps xx

Weekend Wind Down

     Well peeps I just got back from NY, Queens to be exact, about an our ago. As always I am very glad to be home yet also as always I hate leaving NY. It is home and always will be. Now for the last 5 years or so I have been making this trip alone. Normally I enjoy the time to reflect, listen to choonz or just enjoy different scenery. This time coming home I felt, well, in a word, LONELY!  I didn't feel this way leaving on Friday night but in the daylight with much traffic I wanted to be anywhere but on the road. See I love my Dad but he and I clash because he still views me as a teenager. I can't move without him wanting to know what I'm doing and often his timing is terrible! I was thinking of this on the way home and I realized that he must be quite lonely as well. I would have him come live down here but that would be the end of him. Thankfully, at almost 84, he is in good health, still goes to the gym and now has a lady friend named Marie. He is reading again also but I see him stop and glance at my Mom's photo on the top of the bookcase. Today mayhaps some of that loneliness rubbed off. 

     I will say that every idiot that could be out driving today was and they were all on the same route as me!  Now look I've been driving a very long time and I was even a driving instructor, no really I was! LOL This man on the Jersey Turnpike goes into the right shoulder like something was wrong with his vehicle and so I do what anyone would and continue driving in the lane. He all of a sudden springs forward and drives back into the lane cutting me off. Then he has the nerve to flip ME the bird!! He felt he needed to do this not once, not twice but three times!! So I gave him the one armed Italian salute in response. Oh yes so was my mood today while driving. I played CD after CD, stopped to stretch my knee but just missed having a live person there with me to talk to.  I felt very weighted down both physically and mentally. I weighed myself when I got home and still down 28.5 pounds. So much for the 30 but maybe I'll hit it again next Sunday. But I don't think I look any thinner, now don't repeat my words to me. I know there are days like this but it just added to everything. 

I get home and find that hubs painted the front door, which looks very good but the foundation color is another story. It's too light and when I got home I said this. Mind you I started with - "the front door looks great and poor baby you must be tired."  He said that he started the foundation and that's when I said how light it was and he got angry with me, said I always complain about things. Now I did not complain..ALL I SAID was it was very light. Personally as ling as it fits in the color scheme I don't care at all, but he said I did complain. So I apologized, and we moved on. I don't like arguing and maybe my tone was more tense than I meant it to come across, who knows, and I really wasn't complaining so best to say sorry. So now all is fine, and I do appreciate the work he did and said so, and I mean it! See if he needs help painting the foundation I can help since it's down low LOL  Anyway I digress. Really nothing more to report. Working tomorrow even though many are off. Pat is working too, since he got called in. 

So until tomorrow peeps, ciao for now.

Off to NY I go.

     As the week ends down with a bang I am so looking forward to visiting my Dad. To day has been hellish to say the least. One issue after another kept coming up and we were down one supervisor so I was hoping like a one armed paper hanger. LOL  Just a chill weekend really as my knee isn't up to much driving but I do plan on having drinks in the evening when my friend comes over to celebrate our birthdays.   
     I feel like I am more myself if tht makes sense. I am getting back to the funner me :-) the one that jokes around, not possesive (to a point I mean as I am a bit, can't help it) and more open to anything that comes my way. I like this me and I find that even at home life is more relaxed and fun, knock wood!  I wore a blouse to work yesterday that I had not worn in almost a year becasue it got tight on me. See I had lost a few pounds then gained it and some of it's friends so now I am truly below the weight I was this time last year but I could have been more below it but such is life. I go from where I  started and am pleased with the results whether they can really be noticed I don't care (even though I do LOL) I know I feel different.  It was good to get to the gym and work my knee but damn did it hurt the next day. It's gonna be slow and they said up to 8 weeks! damn!!! :-(        I feel puffy today too.  LOL   I mean I know I weigh less but I feel heavy, some days I think gravity says a big F you just pulls harder.  Yea it does!! really yes!     Maybe not but sounds good to me so i'm standing by it.
     Well I'm signing out guys to get everything ready to leave her so i can head home, get my stuff and book to NY. Hopefully traffic is kind and I will cath you all back here Sunday night. So until then as always...peace out peeps!

How do you do!

Well I go to the gym in the morning to speak to the trainer there who deals with injuries. I need to do something as my knee after 2 weeks it still is painful. I was told it could take up to 8 weeks to fully heal but I figure if i exercise it it may speed up the process. Since i have not moved around a lot i feel like I'm stagnant in my weight loss.  I did lose half a pound last week but not the way it was before. I need to move this lovely full bod of mine. LOL

In search of ideas that I could actually formulate to write in the blog the inspiration came to me from a friend's facebook page. I put it here for you to read it's excellent and I love it!!   So I leave you with it and as always ciao until next time. 

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and b...eautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

2:30 AM

     Yep, can't sleep so I sit here while the house is silent and blog. Random thoughts like freight trains are rushing through my head, and I just took aspirin to ease the headache that I feel starting. First off I weighed in today and well I show a gain of just over 2 lbs. No I'm not thrilled but I expected it and no I'm not sorry for it. With my knee making exercise difficult plus the celebrating this past week it doesn't surprise me. Life is ups and downs and I am learning that once in a while is okay. Time was I would have gained 6 or more pounds but fried foods now cause me terrible issues and heavy foods are not eaten in the quantity they once were. So today I went back to phase 1 of South Beach and all is back to what we like to believe is normal.  

      Another thing in my thoughts is how sometimes I feel out of time, not place but time. I have an overly romantic view of the mid 1800's. lol  Gas lamps lighting the streets of Paris, a scene taken right out of a Renoir painting. Well dressed couples enjoying wine and laughing as the city is reflected back at them in the river. What was it like to have a man in tails take his lady's arm with a gloved hand and escort her through the streets of Paris, her long skirts making a gentle shussing sound as her heels click on cobblestones? Paris? Maybe somewhere in the countryside of England? No matter, they walk together, he is her protector and provider and she loves him back giving him a happy home, a family, herself when he longs for her. Today roles are more joined, men & women both work, take care of themselves. I don't know, a part of me feels we lost a great deal in the basic male/female roles. By no means am I abdicating women as property or things to be used,hit or similar, but rather a gentle mix of old & new would be nice. I like when a man opens a door for me or helps with packages and I enjoy doing for him, baking or cooking favorite meals, wearing something I know he likes, or just being there to listen to him when it seems no one else does. Things like this matter a great deal. Well to me at least they do. Am I even making sense? It's almost 3 am so I'm not sure I am. 

      There is a song by John Denver, a guilty pleasure of mine lol, it's called "Dearest Esmerelda". Something about this songs tugs at my heart in such a way that I get weepy when I listen. Not sad but I understand what he is saying and the bitter sweetness of his words move me. So you know what I will sign off with it. I'll be back sometime later today I suppose but listen to this song. The video is not awe inspiring but the music & lyrics are, give a listen.  So until later.....peace out peeps :-D

 

The Holidays are Coming.....What's a Fat Girl to do?

It’s only the start of October you say? No holidays yet. Really you don’t say?  Well have you been to the grocery store? The Halloween candy is in full swing. The chocolate covered delights that can give a thrill similar to your favorite adult toy with a new set of batteries. Oh yes I call out their names in throws of passion ….you nutty Snickers, you delectable Butterfinger you! Oh you lovely silly Baby Ruth. These and their evil cousins will tempt you. They are placed around the stores parameters and you feel like they get closer each time you look away. Much like the many topiary bushes in the movie “The Shining”, they are out to get you. NO NO , blink so they don’t get hold. The most fearful of these is the leader of the Halloween kingdom….this is known to us as….cue dramatic music now…..the CANDY CORN!!! Many hate it but those of you, those who are part of the community who wait each year to see that tri-color candy, you know what I mean.   They have no food value at all, I’m not even sure they are food, but they call you,and you must answer. Once the hardness is pierced by a tooth they melt in a rush of sugar goodness that you willingly let yourself drown in…evil delicious temptation, you and your family of candy pumpkins and indian corn, how I wait for you each year.

Moving onto Thanksgiving, oh my knees are getting week as I type.  All that food and you are allowed to eat it all!!! Turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, corn pudding, the green bean casserole! Not to mention, cranberry sauce, gravy, biscuits, mashed potatoes because one type of potato is never enough, right?  Then desserts, the pies, of apple and pecan, puddings and cakes too. The Bacchanalia of food. You even make a special table for the kids so that your table allows you to have more room for more food. Don’t forget the diet Coke to wash it all down with, add some rum and you will feel better! Yes from the start it was a pig fest, thank you Pilgrims thank you for the right to feast and to eat eat eat, I mean you were Puritans so you weren’t going to have sex. You substituted food, and there we see how that tradition started. No sex no love yes food. Stupid pilgrims!!

Now before you have the chance to burp you are looking at Christmas. Oh the joy! What better way to celebrate (if you do) the birth of the babe than with trays of cookies and spiced punch! All other December holidays secular and non, go better with a huge dinner, then lazing around doing nothing for a whole week. In my house we started 2 weeks before the day was even here. US WOMEN, US GO GATHER GROCERIES, MEN GO GET TREE, CHOP CHOP ;-)  It took 3 generations of us ladies to prepare the feast. All the goodies that get eaten are the once a year treats. Special brews and fixins’ just for Christmas. Mom’s homemade lasagna and meatballs. Grandma’s Roast Beef with roasted potatoes. My Shrimp scampi and garlic bread…..the trays of cookies that are not counted in dozens but in kilos it seems. Everyone gets cookies….and everyone shares them, and you MUST taste them lest you hurt feelings. My god!! Strings of popcorn on the tree  Shit!! Even the decorations are food!! Candy canes, and the fruitcake that was shared by maybe the 3 people who ate it, so a 4 pound cake split between 3 people, you do the math!

So what’s a fat girl to do? Well this one has been looking at recipes and changing them to lessen the fat and carb content as best she can.  Will she do it? Will she win the holiday battle? She knows some shots will be fired, candy shrapnel and turkey giblets will fly BUT yes she will make it. She will indulge some this is known but sparingly and she will enjoy each discretion, savor the flavor shall we say. Treats will be rated and judged if worthy of themselves to be eaten. She will emerge sated yet on track. She will be victorious, she will be……well we’ll see!

Anniversary

     Hello darlings, just popping in to see how the weekend has been treating all of you. As you know I told all about my lovely anniversary dinner where I got proper snockered!! LOL Well yesterday the hubs and I went to a hotel near us just to have a change of scenery and enjoy a "date" night. It was so very nice. We got there around 3PM and had a very nice room on the top floor. Weather was very rainy and chilly but candles and low light made the chill of the outside only a mere suggestion as inside the room it was cozy and warm. Very renewing as we talked more in a few hours than we have in the last few years. We rediscovered each other and it was nice to know that after all this time I still turn him on and vice versa. We enjoyed the afternoon then after a quick shower we went to dinner. We went retro to a place that is styled after a 1950's dinner and we were bad as we got mikshakes, he got root beer (which I tasted and was yummy) mine was chocolate, peanut butter, caramel & marshmallow combo. Hey if you are gonna be bad ...be BAD!! Well since I've been eating healthier I ate about half my food. He finished his but declined finishing mine. So I brought it back to the hotel and it was never eaten. Just didn't want it, I was so full from the half meal. lol  

      The hotel had soft fluffy robes and terry wraps for after the bath. The bath products were Gilchrist and Soames so they were very nice and made for a lovely bubble bath. I came out of the bath and was surprised by a bottle of champagne and one of Asti. These were a  HUGE SURPRISE. Another one for this anniversary. The night progressed and as it wound down hubs decided he was going to take a bath. He came out and immediately fell asleep (well almost immediately LOL)  I lay there in the dark listening to the snoring and felt very secure!! 

     I know that I was not the only one with an anniversary or a few birthdays as a matter of fact.. I wish everyone had just lovely days filled with love and happiness. Wish I could have shared a glass of champagne with all of you!!

     It's funny how a day of relaxation can just give you a new view. It was so needed. So now reality sets in but I look at it not with dread but with excitement to put the things we spoke about into play. House is getting a face lift and we have been looking at furniture and styles all day. I saw a beautiful plum sofa and love seat and he liked it, so of course now I'm thinking wall colors...LOL    I apologize for the self absorbed post but I'm quite happy right now so well, there you have it!! ;-)  

ABOUT TO RE-POST SOMETHING I WROTE AND THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO POST IT HERE. SINCE THIS ONE WAS A BIT ONE SIDED. HOPE YOU LIKE THE NEXT POST!!