Hi Ho Hi Ho - Its Back Home I Go

     Well the long weekend is over. I leave NY as I always do with a sense of longing. I want to stay. I love NY and always feel bad when I leave. Pat will never move there...ah well. 

     Okay the weekend was fab!! One so cool thiing was I was driving to get some groceries and one of the blocks was cut off. They were having a block party. I loved out block parties. suddenly I was brought back to when I was a kid. Every family on the block came out and made different food and we'd all have some of everyone's food and play games. We had the run of the street, out came the roller skates and skateboards. Tic Tac Toe boards drawn in chalk. Ah the good old days were right there again and it made me smile from the inside out. 

     Well I basically chilled with dad on Thursday. Went grocery shopping, did some cooking, laundry, went through closets. Then I had to go up to my bedroom, which is the only room in the house that has air conditioning. I started to get ready for the evening and all of a sudden the rain came. Trish luckily had just gotten to my house. There was a literal river running down the sides of the street when it was time to go. I mentioned this in my prior blog so I wont bore you again. Saturday was a visit to Trish's house and when I went to go there I got lost and ended up at the beach. It was an accident  I swear hehehehe  although it was beautiful to see the ocean and even better to smell the ocean.  Finally got there and hung out for awhile then I went back home, devoured a salad in record time then went to shower to get ready to go to Paul & Eriks home. I have known Paul over 25 years and we have a very close relationship. I love that man to pieces and I so enjoy going to their home. It has such a nice feel to it, very welcoming. Was a nice night. Paul got together a cook out and we had burgers and sausages. I was evil and brought a decadent cheesecake with me and yes I had a sliver. Which in turn made me jump on the scale when I got home tonight. Well not jump on the scale, I don't want to have to buy a new one. But even with that I lost 2 pounds this week. So my total is 23 pounds. I am sure 2 pounds will be more the norm, or even 1 pound and that's fine with me. As long as it's on the down side. I am at the point now where I need to exercise in order to lose and I wasn't at a gym all so I am pleased.

     One thing is pissing me off. That's our government. They may be running out of money! Really? So my dad may not get his Social Security check on Tuesday. Okay dad has a pension as well but what if he didn't? It's disgraceful. I hear people say oh USA is the best, well right now I'm not feeling that. Next year Im headed to England, now my friend paul has been there 3 times and he laughed and said "Mary Lee, I know you. YOU will not want to leave and I wouldn't be surprised to hear you are moving there"  LOL I swear that's what he said. hahaha I think England would put some kind of restriction to me - limiting me to short visits. LMAO 

     Well my lovlies, I;m saying good night  Tomorrow is Lammas Day and I will be celebrating with a bit of mead ;-) x

Fierce Friday

     By fierce I mean the rains that came but later on that.  Was by far one of the laziest days I've had in a long time. My Dad can't get over that I am eating like 5 meals a day. I had breakfast then a little later I had my snack and then my lunch and then, well you get the idea. LOL It's funny but since I've been on this I eat more than I ever did before BUT of course it's what I'm eating that makes the difference. Of course my main problem is carbs, I love them but they are not that kind to me. Oh they love me and want to stray with me, but I look 20 months preggers with triplets because of them. It's all good though and it's coming off me. I don't so much see it as feel it, as in clothes looser and all. Now onto the day, like I said LAY-Z!!!! I actually took a nap, hey doing nothing can be tiring  ;-)  So I traped upstairs to take a shower and get ready for the night out with friends. Trish arrived and soon Jude & Mick came by and we were off. It was a fierce storm we drove in. I swear just getting to the car I had to cross a river. I had no coins for the ferryman so Trish pulled into the driveway and we were off....to Glendale to Zum Stammtisch a really nice German restaurant. I was good I had shrimp cocktail that was reminiscent of the shrimp in Beetlejuice, so I started to sing Day-O hehehe I'm a goof and so are my friends, bless them.  Only thing I did do is take a nibble off of a few desserts, nothing terrible but back on stricter path tomorrow. See that's the thing I needed to wrap my bitty brain around. It was something I shouldn't have done but I wanted a nibble and I had a nibble and in the grans scheme it will not effect me other than preventing me from eating an entire cheescake, which is a good thing.  I had my taste now back to eating healthy. Ate half of my dinner only but all my veggies. No potato or rice!!

     It was so good seeing everyone. I so miss them and it gets very lonely in VA sometimes. I live vicariously through my friends photos and places they go. I so wish I could be with them sharing in the fun times.  I mean I do things here in VA but they are far and few between, and I enjoy them to very much. I am a social animal and I like being around people. We took pictures tonight that were fun. God did we ever laugh too...Jude and I were roomies years ago so we feed off each other well and can make each other laugh. So does Steve as we have been friends for the better part of 25 years. Him & Jude is like watching old comedy skits from Martin & Lewis or Gleason & Carney. You can fall of the chair laughing so hard...

     Speaking of pictures I still hate how I look in them I just can't wait to lose my double chin or at least get it to the point where I don't mind it. I think the reason is that in pictures we see ourselves as the rest of the world sees us and it can be a scary thing. Look I know I'm not ugly but sometimes it's easy to feel that way. It's not so much that you want a pity party but you want to be finished with all of this already and be down that 100 pounds quickly. My nephew weighs about 75 pounds and that's perspective that hits you square in the eyes..I have to lose more than my nephew ...damn!!   I will still be chubby at that point and that for me is fine. As the title of my blog page states I love curves and hopefully mine will be toned enough and hell I liked being a size 14 or 16. It suits me for some odd reason. So little by little, step by step, dress size by dress size I will do it. I deserve to feel fit!!

     Well it's getting late, almost 1AM so I say good night peeps, hope your Saturday is funky. I will be back tomorrow night after my next festivities in Brooklyn come to their end. This one is a cook out, will be a piece of cake, well NOT cake but grilled meats and salads  LOVE IT!!!  TA all

Poem Night!

 I just want to say I am so lucky to know the people I call my friends. Thank you to one tonight who just by being himself made me feel better. I hope I return the favor when it's needed. 

 I'm seeing some friends tomorrow night and then again on Saturday. It's hard to get to see everyone I want to when I get up this way but I'm getting a good chunk in this trip. 

  Tonight my friends is a poem. It's about accepting that you are who you are. Instead of wishing what you want to be embrace who you are at every step. That was evident to me in a very interesting article I read today, one that I will go into more detail but truth is right now since I am at my dad's I am upstairs and I have no hard surface to lay the laptop on and I'm in a very uncomfortable position.  So yes I am leaving you with a poem I wrote. I hope you like it.

Truth of Self

 

Crystal raindrops fall down my window
tracing patterns of eclectic beauty.
For a moment my vision is blurred,
thoughts run together in my mind,
Crazy thoughts....a desired madness
that makes me feel sane.

The rain cloaks the earth in a purple gray haze,
people wishing for the sunlight to appear.
Yet the rhythm of the raindrops is calming.
It is a beat that seems to come from within,
a strike of lightning energizes the air,
giving me power to go on.

We draw from the earth, its rhythms are ours,
yet we forget to love her and let her struggle.
I've often felt much the same.
Struggling everyday to rise up to normal,
realizing now that you can't fight nature.
To go against your own is a path to destruction.

So I go daily in my duties,
my physical body doing what I must,
yet my thoughts are free to go
to places that I label as desires.
As simple as a being with friends,
and as complex as an entire new life.

The rain now mixes with my tears,
as I feel both happy AND sad,
and in the crazy way of life they are often for the same reason.
I want to run out and play in the rain, fall to my knees in the mud.
Damned be whats proper..what about whats fun?
So with a sigh ..I get up to go back to my duties.
Suddenly I turn..the door knob in my hand,
I walk through the door, feel the rain on my face.
I fall to my knees.
I am happy!!!!!

Happenstance & Serendipity

Two very cool words. Had just these words happen today. I left my phone home today while I was out shopping for a new blouse to wear tomorrow night.  I felt frustrated and a bit disillusioned after trying in various items. I am in between sizes right now and  its hard to find anything that fits. Plus the all way round mirrors just give you a whole new view although my fairy tattoo on my back looked good :-)  I got home from that and other errands and there was a voicemail from a friend of mine. Happenstance that he called just then with an Article in The Village Voice about guys who like fat chicks. I really needed to read that article and found myself likng myself a lot more after it. He had no idea of my mood but theres that serendipity part. it just was perfect timing. A nice surprise that had a good effect. I thank him very very much. Our friends often have no idea how much they make or break us. For me my friends have an immense impact on my emotions. If they are upset I get upset, happy I'm happy, get the idea?  I hope that in reverse if they have a bad day I can make them smile.

I am at my NY home and it's getting a bit muggy. There is a breeze that feels good but when it leaves its brutal. I hate muggy weather and that's one reason I want to lose weight. I think less of me will make for a cooler meaning temperature me. About to go venture out to the garage otherwise known as Aladdin's cave since I have no clue whats out there and I'm hoping my photo albums are there.  A HUGE THANK YOU again t my friend for that article you have no idea how you turned my afternoon around with your call telling me about it!!  Yup, happenstance & serendipity  LOVE those words.  Until tonight my peeps....

Wednesday Is Friday!

     Well meaning that when 5pm comes, this bird is flying out of here to New York.  I so need to get away for a few days. I would much rather have gone to Maine but Pat couldn't get the time off. So off I go the wandering soul that I am. Tomorrow there is nothing doing so I think I may head out to the beach, I need to feel water on my skin. Yes I know I shower and that's water everyday but you know it's not the same. Oh sometimes I use the tub and light candles and incense to pretend I'm on a tropical beach resort but then the cat jumps on the tub edge and the dream bubble is burst. Only thing is I have no clue where my shorts are. I rarely wear them, but for a beach walk they seem like the thing to wear. I hope the glare off of my pale legs doesn't hurt the eyes of my fellow beachers.
    I am sure today is going to drag, isn't that always the way when you are going on a vaca (no matter how short it is)?  Getting the mani/pedi done after work, pack up some stuff and off I go. I love listening to my music on the way up and have been known to get caught up in the beats and look at my speedometer and seen me edging close to 100. Speed limit is 65 most of the way up, so yea a bit too fast, but I love driving fast!! I drive safe but fast. I used to teach driver's ed years ago. Don't laugh I was a good teacher. Although some students made me re-evaluate my choice of career.
     I can honestly say the worst drivers I have come across are Maryland drivers and I have driven up & down the east coast so I can say I am not biased at all. Oh how cool would that be get in a motor home and just drive around the country. Got the song by The Who in my head now .."Going Mobile"  LOL  On that note I am going too as I should do some work today hahaha   Ciao for now my lovlies!!

Red Skies At Night

Sailor's Delight...that's how it goes. Never sure why I judge the weather by a sailor's saying as I will never be  sailor. Tonight coming home I could see the sun in my rear view mirror, a big orange red ball. I thought of that song from when I was a little kid. Red Rubber Ball was the name I think. I don't know the words but I kept singing "Like a red rubber ball" over and over for about a minute...LOL It made me smile!  

Good day really, right now I am going over words of a friend and laughing to myself. Hope all my dear friends know how much I love them, because I do very much. One big "Smoochespalooza" to all of you!!  Just really relaxing because tomorrow night I am off to NY. Seeing some friends, do a bit of shopping, driving the old roads and see where I end up. 

   Not much tonight, sorry but just vegging so I will say goodnight. Peace out

Off The Cuff Story ( love those!! LOL)

                          Just me...taken at work on a break
Tonight I write a quick story right now off the cuff , lets see how it goes: 

She walked down the street as she had done hundreds of times before. She saw him from behind, she stopped in mid pace and drew in a sharp breath. She new that the possibility of seeing him was there but hoped she would be lucky enough not to have it happen. Problem was there was  another part of her that wanted to see him.  Whatever was in that window must be something she thought, he isn't taking his eyes off it. She took this opportunity to quicken her pace and walk past him hoping to pass by unnoticed. She thought she had when all of a sudden she heard a voice call out her name. She turned around and forced a smile she hoped looked warm. He looked good from the back but damn if he didn't look even better face on. "Hi" she said, "How nice to see you Tony"  He came closer and before she knew it she was in a bear hug, "So good to see you Jenny, you look great!" The smell of his cologne filled her senses and had the effect it always had. She wanted him the moment she had met him, she broke the connection and stepped back a little. He was smiling that dumb grin he always did.  "I was out shopping for Mom's birthday gift"he said. "Want to catch up over a cup of coffee?"  She thought no, hell no!! "Sure, let's go" was what she said.   They walked the 2 blocks to the nearest Starbucks and in they went. He brought two chai teas back, and as he was blowing his to cool it off, he laughed. "What's so funny? she wanted to know. "You have foam on your nose" he answered her. "Shit!!"she went to wipe it off but he beat her to it. So much for cool and collected, but she giggled too and for the first time honestly smiled at him. "You look beautiful Jenny, but then again you always did!" "Beautiful I was a blob most of my life" He scowled at her, "You ALWAYS were the most beautiful girl I knew" he said it again. "I mean look at you!" She turned and saw her reflection, her round reflection, in the window. She had lost quite a bit of weight but she still was about 100 pounds over where she wanted to be. "How can you say I am beautiful?" "I wish you could see you through my eyes Jenny. I see a woman who is beautiful from the inside out, your outer body is more appealing  than the skin & bones girls that are the acceptable norm." "What?", she stared at him. "I have always been attracted to you", he continued. "I don't understand what you mean? "Last year, at the club...those girls, YOU were with them, they teased me, how can you say this now?"  "No you left too soon. I left them, I yelled at them at how cruel they were and how ugly they looked."

I called you but you never answered the phone.!" Jenny, you assumed I wanted them. Truth is I wanted you Jenny. Have for a long time" She opened her mouth to dispute this but closed her mouth when she replayed that night in her head. Yes she did leave quickly and didnt see him go in but, well she figured he had. So she was wrong.  "Jen, I know your habits, I've watched you and knew you would be passing by one day, so I would go to that store every weekend I could hoping you would be there and today here you are" "Tony, what are you saying? I mean you like me? Me? Well I have liked you for so long and I have wanted to tell you, to touch you, to kiss you for so long but I never did because , well look at me!!  He got up from the table and said "I am looking at you" His lips met hers and they kissed there at the little table in Starbucks. Time stood still for a moment, then she opened her eyes and he was looking right into them." Jenny, go out with me" he not quite asked but more stated the fact. "Yes I will" came her reply. They finished the teas and walked into the afternoon , she looked at him and smiled and he smiled back. He reached for her hand, she didn't know where they were going but she followed his lead. Something she knew she was going to enjoy alot!!!

    Okay not my best story ever but literally just wrote that in like 10 minutes here and now. The point is we dont see ourselves as others see us. Thank God for the people in our lives who see things not the "norm" but as they want to see them. 
    Over the years a friend of mine who of course is tall and thin always was puzzled at how I had boyfriends and she didn't. I wondered sometimes too.  I am striving to get fit and want to lose 100 pounds, it's happening but there are times when I just want to cry at how I look. It cry more than I ever let on, the frustration just comes out in tear form. I want to be the best me I can and I fall short on things I want to do at the moment. I want to walk the fields at home and streets of the city and experience old things through new eyes, but between weight and my cyst that acts up it makes me want to scream sometimes! I feel so embarrassed!! I feel like to be around me is more a burden than fun.  Then I think of those who care about me for who I am and not what I look like.  The understanding in their words and the look in their eyes that calm and bring things into perspective. Why the fuck do they hang around me and bless them for doing so. I am truly lucky to know these people. There is a part of me that is doing this for them as well. A thank you of sorts for seeing me in a way that's acceptable, a way that's normal and even a way that's beautiful. My family, my husband and my close friends, this is for you, I love you all. Jumbled words & thoughts again but I write like i think. You'll get used to it. LMAO  Peace out (for now)

Okay The Results Are In.......Drumroll Please

     Since July 5th when I "OFFICIALLY" went on The South Beach Diet I have now lost 18.5 pounds.  This is good since I may have to have procedures done and the less I weigh the better for them.

     Late start today, as I didn't get my ass up until a little after 10AM. I'm sitting here pondering breakfast, Pat has been up for several hours and let me sleep, bless him.  I must vacuum today but other than that and a bit of dusting, I was contemplating getting a few new blouses for work. See the thing is when you wear a bigger size the manufacturers want to charge you $40-$60 for a blouse. Seriously it's crazy the price of big gal clothes which is why I have a small wardrobe at the moment. Also as we know I want what I want when I want it so markdowns although wonderful rarely happen. I wish I could get the sales some of my friends get. One lady at work got a designer dress for only $87 dollars, it was originally $229. Nope I see nothing like that. I am thrilled when I can get the "BUY 3 PANTIES GET 2 FREE" sales at Catherine's or The Avenue.I am not opposed to paying money for an item if it is well made as it will last years but still big gal clothes fall just short of this.  Not long ago I wore a blouse that I liked to the theater and that same night the buckle on the front fell off allowing the material it held to unravel and for the life I me I couldn't figure how to put it back together. That had been only the second time I had worn it too. Ah well...such is life. 

     Time to get a movin' ...think I'm going to head to the gym after a quick bite.  Going to make some new cards too. Just bought some new background paper that I am just crazy about and want to see what I can come up with. Made a new friend on my stamping website, she is from Manchester England and really sweet.  She is going to NY with her family shortly and I have been telling her places she may want to see. My friend JoAnn from South Beach is doing well she has dropped 10 pounds so far and is thrilled. We were txting last night. I am so happy for her, in the long run our paths are the same. She told me she weighs 379 pounds now, bless her I will do whatever I can to keep her motivated and she in turns keeps me the same

way. I will post some cards later tonight so you can see what I came up with. Think I will send them to my friends daughters. I like surprises like that, I hope they will like them :-) LOL  Peace out peeps..Ciao

You May Say I'm A Dreamer

     It's nearing midnight and I just put down the kindle. Currently Bridges Of Madison County is the book du jour! I have read this book over a dozen times and seen the movie at least that many, but I just love it! It's like a comfortable pair of shoes or a cozy robe...you just know it's going to feel good, feel right! I know that I am going to feel a tug on my heart for Robert & Francesca. Anyone who has ever longed for something that long ago was locked away in the storage trunk of their memories has to embrace the feelings this book offers. It's the key that allows you to dream again, that ideas once had were worth having and still worth trying for. It's hope.  Maybe I'm putting way to much on a simple book but it's not that simple. I have felt the roaming of Robert and also the re-awakening of Francesca and neither is simple at all. 

     I love books & movies that touch the soul, the inner feelings. The fact that there are movies like this proves to me that i am not alone in my feelings. Other people feel this way also. The movie "Dead Poet's Society" makes me feel this way. Maybe I was born in the wrong era, I adore poets and writers, creativity is such a big turn on. Music and art flow through me yet I fall short in expression. I want to paint, I want to photograph, to write, to let people experience the same feelings I am. The mundane life I lead has just enough glimpses into this creativity that it only wets my appetite for more but I have no way, or at least see no way to get to the feast!

     Back to Francesca, she is on fire her desire is awakened once again. I feel her confusion, her guilt. I know the choices she made and how her heart must have felt making them. Robert leading the life he does. Not conforming to the way the world says he should, I understand trying to make your voice heard when you don't speak the language of the masses. Yep all this because I read a book tonight! LOL  I have dreams that slowly I am trying to accomplish. I am growing my wings back and hopefully will fly high. One is my path to healthy & fit. Tomorrow is my weigh in and I'm not sure where it will be. I get anxious and want it all done now!!Guess what ? I get impatient sometimes even though I know slow & steady wins the race, but like I said I am a Libra and see both sides of things and want them both now!! hahaha

     It's almost midnight so I will say goodnight. I got so fired up by my reading tonight I just had to share it. I hope you could feel at least part of what I was saying. if you were here you would see the excitement in my eyes and hear my voice raise as i told you about these characters. I ADORE interaction, mental stimulation is a huge turn on, yea I'm hyped up right now, wish we could do an all nighter, Talk and bounce back ideas and thoughts, how fucking cool would that be? Well okay saying goodnight for real now :-)   Peace out peeps!

BRUTAL!!

This heat is just terrible. Today we peaked at an actual 107 degrees and right now its about 99. There sky is threatening rain and I am hoping it will cool things down a bit. Like I mentioned previously I adore a nice summer rain, and love being out in one.  I also dig a good thunderstorm although with dangerous lightning I prefer being inside somewhere watching the strikes light up the sky. Pure energy!! I called my Dad to make sure he was staying cool and he has been sleeping in my old room at night with the air conditioner on. I do hope those of you reading this are staying cool as well.
     With the summer at it's peak I am reminded of when I was a child. We would go to the beach every weekend. The smell of the hot tar in the the parking lot and bologna & cheese sandwiches on a roll that is only found in NY are in my mind forever. Jones beach and Long beach was the getaway of choice. This is where my love AND fear of water began. First off I love water, the feel of it, except for over my head. I actually get a slight panic at this. Even in the shower, I never put my face under the showerhead. See one day at the beach when I was about 4 I was pulled out by an undertow and that same year I was also pushed into a pool's deep end. Funny how I actually remember these events and I know its why I am afraid to swim. When I moved to East Setauket in Long Island after I got married we had a pool in the yard. I was getting bolder and was able to dog paddle with the best of them. Alas we moved and my expertise is now gone. I would love to learn to swim so maybe one day I will go to our community center pool and take some classes...if I could just get past opening my eyes in the shower when I wash my hair! LOL I swear I just get nervous. I mean on one hand I feel well Im too heavy I will sink, then I think but I'm round so I should float, THEN I reason well huge ships stay afloat so I should be able to as well!!  I'm good at arguing with myself..hahaaha
     I get weighed this weekend..hey hey  I said WEIGHED...although  hmmm..hahaha.   Let's see what happens, don't worry I will let you know.  You will be able to sleep better knowing I'm sure ;-)   Well lovlies still at work here but wanted to check in.  Three day week next week...whoo hooo   can't wait!! Until next time peeps. Peace out.

Ah my friends it's 11PM and after a long day it seems I am the only one awake, both husband and cat are snoring here on the bed as I sit hunched  over a netbook contemplating my next blog. I am sure I resemble Snoopy atop his doghouse with his typewriter in front of him. I love this time either in the day or night when the house is quiet and only I am awake. I sit here with my thoughts and fantasies and smile knowing I'm doing the right thing. It's timing. I lost 48 pounds on South beach my first time and I plan on losing at least 2x that this time except this time I will keep it off as my mindset is different. Like I said I was complacent about my weight, but in retrospect I believe now that I also was complacent in my life. I accepted things as they were and figured it was all I was going to get. BUT BUT BUT things change that open your eyes and you see everything from a different perspective. One long forgotten, one that makes you feel like you CAN & WILL do what you set out to do. It comes from a source you would never have thought of and now can never thank enough.  Life is meant to be lived not just existed   I swear this past full moon had such an effect on me I think it still is.  I'm finding that I am capable of things that I never did before. My job, well me a supervisor, who would have thought!? I think I do it well too. At least I feel I do and hope others feel that as well. Look I screw up now & again and I can't stand when I do, but you learn from mistakes. I know a mistake doesn't make you a failure and owning that mistake makes you stronger. I never criticize without a compliment when I'm having my one on one reviews. I like my job!

      I am not sure if it's supposed to rain as it's been incredibly hot and muggy out, but  hear rumbling in the distance. I am not sure if it's thunder or planes flying out of Dulles.I hope it's thunder, I love the energy of a thunderstorm. I love summer rain, not torrential downpours but a steady gentle warm rain. I like to go out in it and just feel the water on me, walking with someone in the rain is something I have always loved, and kissing in the rain is well, like a dreamstate. It's surreal as you look at each other through eyelashes dotted with teeny droplets of water. I get shivers thinking about it, lovely!!!     I have been known to wash my car in a good strong summer rain. Its fun plus you dont have to rinse your car, nature does it for you. Yep a sweet summer rain can be wonderful, erotic, reviving and contemplative.

Well battery dying so peace out my frinds I will continue this in the morning when I wake up. Lots more to say  ;-) x

HOT HOT HOT

Did I mention hot? Really it's early evening or late afternoon depending on how you like to look at it but it's STILL 99 degrees outside. The heat index is 106!! I no likey! I am not built for this weather I am built for cold. I mean this is the kind of weather where even skinny people are sweating and I secretly get an odd satisfaction from that! I don't want anyone uncomfortable and heaven help I have seen the posts today that almost 2 dozen people have died from this heat up & down the east coast but to have a skinny person sweat so I can see drops on their forheads is like a bonus of sorts!! (Insert evil laugh)
     I can't wait for next year when I will feel comfortable enough to wear blouses with no sleeves. I have seen women my size and bigger wear these now but for me I just don't. More power to them ,they have more self confidence than I do but I just can't right now. I have what my group calls "school Marm arms" I have heard them called "bird flaps" and the latest by a friend from England "Bingo Arms". anyway you say it, to me it stays under at least a half sleeve! Not that they are bad in any way PLEASE I don't mean that. I will of course go sleeveless in a bathing suit (well tank top and shorts) or lounging around my yard pretending to get some sun although I am so pale that white people say "DAMN""Your white!!" I am hoping I can get my freckles to meld together one day ;-)
     So of course one good thing from this heat I am drinking a lot of water. I have figured out the secret as to why no matter what diet you are on they say drink lots of water. It's because you go to the bathroom a lot, therefore you automatically get some excersise!! LOL
     This heat makes me worry about my Dad though. His house has no air condition except of course in my old room. Actually he has a really nice English Tudor home and there are windows on every wall so that the cross breeze that creates makes it a lot more comfortable than one might think. I of course hate the heat when i go there and often can be found reading or whatever in my beadroom until at least 4PM  when things start to cool off. LOL
     I'm not sure if it's the heat or what but today my appetite hasn't been there. I had some steamed chicken and veggies for lunch eyeing the sesame chicken sitting next to my order and that is all I have eaten so far today. I have had quite a bit of water so perhaps I'm filling myslef up but usually I am at least a bit peckish by now. Well I'm not pushing it although I know to lose you must eat, so I wil pick up some salads and grilled chicken tonight to bring home for dinner. Maybe I'll have a Crystal Light Mojito  hahahaha
     Well friends I'm signing of for now. I'm working on that story i promised you all and i also am making some low carb PLUS gluten free menus in my book so after I make then and if they are good I will post them to share. Peace out x

Cat Fell Of The Bed

Happy Hump Day!!! Week is half over...whoot whoot!! Day today was decent. Had some real good laughs at work. My team mate today was laughing so much this morning. I figure he was doing his facebook videos. At lunch there were more laughs. I think Im in a good mood because I took off a few days next week. SOOO looking forward to that. Headed to my dad's. Hopefully get to see an old friend I haven't seen in over 10 years. 

     Not much to say tonight. Just in a very silly mood, hubs and I are watching this website called Weebl's  it's 2 guys from England and we are just cracking up at the videos they have. I love when I can get him to laugh, he does it rarely these past months. Tonight though he is laughing up a storm. Being playfull , teasing me, tickling and singing and brewing a damn fine cup of tea in the middle of it all. :-)

     Well let's see I am down 17 pounds as of tonight but official weigh in is Sunday morning. I know it will not be as much as its been since you lose more at first but a loss is a loss and I say "When you lose - you win!"   OOH Profound I know, I hear ya thinking it. LOL I am so full of sayings I could write fortune cookies. "That Wasn't Chicken!" hahahaha  

     I am such a silly mood tonight...I am talking nonsense well sane nonsense (is there such a thing?). I am giggling here as I sit up in bed, just typing away. Opps cat fell off the bed.  No that's not a euphemism, she stretched and was at the edge ..so off she toppled.  Still wiping the tears as i laughed so hard!.  Well dear hearts, i am ending this here but as the days go i promise i will make it worth the look you give this blog and give you something fabulous to read. Perhaps a short story...yes.yes perhaps..........

Little Differences

When you see a weight loss I am finding out it is so hard NOT to want to jump on the scale and weigh myself all the time. Well not JUMP literally, I mean I don't want to break the damn scale!  I'm also finding that certain situations that normally would have had me sit down with a cupcake are now making me not want to eat at all. I truly sit and evaluate if i'm hungry and I'm not. This is a new thing to me. Since I've been on South Beach I feel all I do is eat all day. I swear I have eaten so much lettuce my nose twitches. Well it actually did that BEFORE the diet. Yes another one of my talents that make me no money! LOL  Of course i am only on my thrid week and I am SURE that by my third month I will not be so gung ho but then it will be just the way it is and not a new thing. You know everything is exciting the first few times then after awhile it just is.  That's when my blogs will get interesting I'm sure.  Hope those of you who read will still be stopping by.   Okay well I wil say - ciao for now. 

TOPSY TURVEY

You are probably saying whats topsy turvey? Well last night my Dad tells me he has a date on Friday night. He is going to be 84 years old. I have mixed feelings, well not really but hesitations maybe. This is my dad, but if it were anyone else's dad I would be saying right on ...go for it!! So although the thought of Dad getting his groove on kind of skeeves me out, well not kind of - DOES!! I am happy that he is still attracted to the opposite sex and has company. It must be lonely for him, I mean he was married to Mom for a long time before she passed away. He tells me stories from when he was younger about him and his friends going out and being a bit scandelous and I laugh becasue it's just the same kinds of things I have done with my friends in the past. It's a weird coming of age when you realize your parents are people and not just your parents. They may have had a heartbreaking romance in the past or tried out for something and didn't get it. All the things you did and do they did and are still doing. It's Topsy Turvey to me.  When my Mom finished her chemo she and I went on a trip to Massachusets, just the two of us. We stayed in a really nice hotel and did the Salem withc thing and then went to look at the old houses on tour. She LOVED that the most I think.  We went to a restaurant one night and the waiter asked me if I wanted a drink. First let me say the place was in walking distance iof the hotel, we hadn't driven there. I hesitated and before i could answer my mother placed her order and asked me what i was going to have. She suggested an ameretto sour so I said sure. So after about 4 of these EACH!! we were laughing and just talking about  nothing like girlfriends do. It's one of my fondest memeories of my mother. So back round to my Dad. I asked if if he knew about protection becasue hell at his age he may break a hip..LOL   He laughed and then I told him if she picks up the phone Saturday morning I will cry....he laughed again. really though I am happy for him. I hope it goes well and he has a steady ladyfriend. hell she drives..oh yeah  she's a young thing only about 65. My Dad is a scandal - at least now I know where I get it from! 

JUST PISSED OFF TODAY

     For some odd reason I am in a real bad mood today. I just want this day over!! Period! I'm on my lunch break and answering questions for folks which normally I am very happy to help with. Today not so much. I of course will as my mood is not their problem but I find myself getting annoyed too easy. I really need to shake this off. I had a decent weekend also, so no issues at home just feeling aggitated.
I need a change of scenery I think. I plan to take off end of August and truth be told may do so even if my hubby can't I NEED to get away even if for a short trip to NY at my dad's stay thre a few days. Would be a cheap escape, head out to the ocean.
     This I am finding out which to me is the oddest thing, normally I would be stuffing my face with something I should not be eating but I am finding I have less of an appetite becasue of it. To make matters worse my co-worker is in a similar mood and we sit next to each other -  LOOK OUT!! lol
I'm sure it will pass (hopefully) so if anyone knows anthing to help calm oneself down, please let me know.
     Short and sweet blog , just like me  LOL (not today boy)

Nightime Is The Rightime

     Hello dears, yep I'm back another twofer from me. Today was a weird eating day and I am not totally pleased by it. Not that I had anything bad but I had hot dogs for dinner. Now they are allowed on Phase 2 and I think part of me is scared to jump to the second phase. I want to stay on Phase 1 the more restricted simply because i will lose weight faster, or will I. I know I need to introduce things into my eating habits again, like I said I'm not rushing to the carbs but in the case of hot dogs they are more processed. Now granted they were Sabretts and all beef but still we ate late. I went with Pat to his office as he was called in to fix a networking error, so I took the ride. I have never been to Bethesda, his building literally sits atop the Bethesda Metro Station. I tell you, rides like today confirm that fact that Maryland drivers just don't get it. Red lights and stop signs are merely suggestions to some of them, but I digress.  I used to work for BNA as well so it was interesting to see the new offices they moved into. By the time we got home it was after 7 and I was a bit nauseous since I really hadn't eaten most of the day. So hot dogs are fast & easy to prepare. I had that with broccoli and tomatoes no buns of course so it wasn't bad just not feeling the weight loss today. 

     So tonight I had an appletini, yes you heard me right but oh no no no, no alcohol passed my lips (sadly) this is a new mix from Crystal Light.  HAHA Yep they have 3 new limited time flavors, Appletini, Mojito and Marguerita. Dont drink them often due to the nutra sweet but it wasn't bad....needed vodka!! hahaha   So that brings me up to now. I need to get in early tomorrow as i bought some things to organize my desk better, I go in early usually anyway, I HATE to be late for anything. 

     So I end this here and hopefully something good will happen tomorrow, so I can be hysterically funny and charming. So ciao for now.

Falling Panties & Rising Bras

     It's Sunday Lazy Sunday here and I'm thinking of all the things I need to do and somehow 2 hours have past and not one of those things has been done. Had coffee but not hungry. I know I need to eat something but for some reason I feel a bit out of sorts today. I want to stay in my jammies and make cards and talk on the phone all day..LOL  Reminder to self to buy jammies!!  

     Oh friends...big news big news  I am now on phase 2 of South Beach Diet!! I can have sweet potatoes and oatmeal for breakfast if I want. I mean not together as the sweets are more a lunch or dinner thing :-) but the point is I can now have some carbs.  Want to know the weird thing for me?  I don't want them!  I don't miss the bread all that much. I mean the bread I would want, you know the hot fresh out of the oven Italian or French loaves with the melted butter on them, I still can't have so why tease myself.  It's like sex, give me a taste of it and I'll want way too much.  With or without the butter....OOPSIE was that TMI?  hahahaha

     How does one gage they are losing weight. Well last night as I walked around I felt my undies slipping. Yes my panties were falling down beneath my jeans!! Slowly sliding so that by the time I got to the car they were down the sides of my thighs in a weird inverted "V".  Add to that my bra rides up ..so I'm pulling up and pulling down and well I think I invented a new dance move!! Mind you it will never replace "The Lawnmower" what can really?!   HEY I told you nothing is off limits in my blogs. Today I am adding a few pics just to make it interesting. So here you are...go look , will have more to say as the day progresses Im sure. 

PEACE OUT!! (for now)

    
    

THE 1st WEIGH IN is always the scariest!!!

I was at the docs and weighed in there 2 weeks ago so I had a starting point. If my home scale is accurate I have lost 15 pounds in just over two weeks!! Water loss I'm sure but a decent start. Well will do a weekly weigh in from now on. The reason this was a two week one was that I couldn't find the scale!!! hehehe

Peace out!

Me, My Car and Mayhem

     There is no mayhem, but I couldn't think of another "M" word and usually there is at least a little mayhem somewhere nearby. So go with it okay?  Last night there was a full moon and the pull to go out and take a good look was strong. So out I go, put the top down and go for another night drive.  I love this time alone. I love the feel of the wind as it blows my hair all around, the smell of the flowers that grow wild along the road, I love everything about it. I feel my most free at these times. I parked and looked up onto the night sky and there she shone down on me. Illuminating my surroundings in a soft glow. I looked and I saw several deer in the field and they were silhouettes against the backdrop of the sky. I wish I had a camera but the photo wouldn't have come close to the live experience.  I want to fly sometimes so high up just soar above the din and get a fresh view of my world. I think in my past life I was a nomad of sorts. Sadly I have not traveled to far in this life except in books that make my wanderlust even more of an ache. Slowly I am getting my footing and my journey is starting again. Years ago I would just pack a duffel bag, throw it in the trunk of my car (interestingly another Mustang Convertible) and drive. I followed my nose up 95N to Massachusetts or Connecticut or some other sea town. I would talk with people at a pub or go down to the ocean and smell the sea air and listen to the waves. I met lots of interesting people, and heard lots of cool stories. Kids were the best, they would come over just to say hi because you were in their line of sight. How refreshing since nowadays if you even look at another person they look the other way. When did we get so nervous about interaction with other people?? I smile at people a lot and I have found that most smile back. I am my own paradox!  I love the quiet solitude yet I adore being with people. I am a Libra, the scales...yes balance is important to me. I see both sides and want each one!!  LOL 

     Well it's the weekend and I'm off to explore the farmers market for fresh veggies. Oh there is my mayhem. I actually am finding that I LIKE veg!!!  I mean I've always liked TO veg, but now I realize the earth grows some pretty tasty treats. HAHA  right now you are thinking...Mary you were just telling us about your freedom and trips and how the hell did we end up at veggies?!  I'll tel you how.....these are MY thoughts. I am like a remote control that someone changes channels on all the time. I will go off on tangents quicker than you can say boo! Get in my car with me and you will never know where we can end up, but isn't that part of what life should be?? I mean we work and do what we have to but what's wrong with just going where the wind leads you on occasion. I have found you have the best adventures that way :-)

     Okay enough blog for now, I'm outta here, may be back, who knows, not me and not even "The Shadow" knows. hahahahahaha  Later.........

YES!!!!!!!!

Okay just posting because on my way to work this morning my steering wheel turns back on it's own instead of geting caught on my tummy.  I know weird but not only am I overweight I am also undertall so I have to sit close to the wheel. I alwasy had to use my hands to get the wheel back but today it did it all on it's own!! Score 1 for me!!!!   Just one of those little things that the main populice would not even think about. WHOOT WHOOT!!!

Movies Is Magic!

     Happy Friday to all and I for one am so looking forward to the weekend. Last weekend at Harper's Ferry was really nice and this weekend I am hoping to go see Harry Potter. Now in my younger years I was one of those crazy people that dressed up for Rocky Horror at the midnight shows. I even went so far as to be a regular performer every Friday & Saturday night playing the part of Magenta. Yep I performed the entire movie in front of the screen. We even had our own pre movie show. It was fun. I was able to let my hair down so to speak, get dressed up in a crazy outfit with odd eyelashes and wild hair and just let go. No one cared as we were all having a blast. It was a very fun time in my life as well as a major fucked up one. Funny how those 2 things often happen together. more about those times later perhaps a new blog but getting back to my original Harry Potter mention. As I went for a wonderful top down drive last night, I saw people in costume getting ready to go to the premiere of the newest and LAST (sniffle) Harry Potter movie. It just brought those Rocky days back to my mind. I wanted to run and grab my broom (yes I have one, for OTHER reasons) and get in line with them. I wanted to join the Hagrids, Snapes, Potters, and Hermoine's but alas I did not. Not sure I would be able to function at 8AM the next day the way I used to - LOL. I hope they had a great time, a time to remember for the future.  One day they too can look back and say yes i went to a midnight movie and got dressed up as one of the characters. It was fun :-)
     So yes this Sunday I am hoping to see this movie. Today (Friday the 15th of July) is also a full moon. I have been feeling it's effects all week and yesterday was a pinnacle for certain. Dear gods I couldnt wait for the day to end. Nothing was really wrong and yet everything was wrong. It was like two parallel worlds were going on and overlapping into each other. Know what I mean? No? Well it sucked!! So I got home and was first greeted by the cat. Awwww right? Nope, she just needed to be pet, it's her choice to be cuddly, so then the hubs comes downstairs. Was he glad to see me or the grilled chicken salad I had brought home for him. I will say both. I am thinking a dab of chicken scent behind each ear may drive him passion crazy LOL Actually if I could find doughnut scent I would get lucky for sure!! See I am really looking at all things in my life while trimming down and I noticed our nicknames for each other.  He calls me Puddin' and I call him Muffin  - Housten we have a problem. Even our pet names are FOOD!! Sheesh...ever see a fat person give directions? You go two blocks to the McDonald's then 3 more blocks and turn right at the Burger King...and well you get the idea (hehe) Food is everywhere and well I can say boohoo poor pitiful me but no..I'm really not that weak. I can do this and am doing this and will continue to do this. See what I am is lazy, it's easy to make excuses but I have been getting to the gym, whoot whoot, 2 weeks truly going. Not everyday mind you I mean come on people lets not get nuts here. This is a woman who the first time she got on the treadmill there did 10 minutes and thougth she was going to die!! I now do a solid half hour, still not what you would call a marathon but for me it's a big leap. The amazons who work there are very encouraging as well. I was talking to my frined JoAnn (from previous blog) and she lost 4 pounds last week. I was so happy for her. She said if she could jump she'd jump for joy. I would have jumped for her but I live right behind the US Geological Survey (USGS)that I didnt want them to register a small quake! I haven't weighed in yet but I'll let you know when I do.
     So from movies to weight, what can i say my mind goes on weird journeys. Like I always said this is my life its me getting in shape. I've mastered round, so I'm shooting for oval next!   Later gators - Peace out    love the round chick

Full Moon Fever

Ever have one of those days when you feel like you are grasping at sand. Today is one of those days I swear on all that is holy, like my socks, a few undies, some hose, etc.  today is one of those days that I just want to put away and forget. It was one of those where I was up early to go to the gym but never got there, I hit snooze intead about 10 times.  When I do go out its just beautiful. I get to work and the devil on my left shoulder is having a screaming match with the angel on my right as to when to actually go into my office building. I made a few stupid mistakes at work and I hate to do that.  Just can't wait for today's work to be over.
Lately I feel that the people in my life are slipping from me, I know they are not but sometimes it just feels that way and it's my perception which automatically makes it a bit off. I guess I just feel a bit lonely. It happens sometimes as my friends are scattered along the east coast and across the seas in England and Australia. So I know they care and I am secure in that but like I said it's just how I'm feeling right now and I wont feel that way later.
I want to post everyday but it's not always easy to have something to say, even for me :-)
So right now I'm chalking this day so far to the full moon that's coming tomorrow.  I love the moon, she is beautiful and I can't wait to see the sky tomorrow night . I already know that something is going to happen that makes me feel so wonderful I will forget this slump today, just wish it would hurry it's ass up and get here!!
Peace out (for now)

Salmonchanted Evening

Just sitting back here at work having my linner. That's lunch dinner to those of you not aware.  Was taken out to lunch to celebrate several employees anniversaries and these are the leftovers.  I was dreading this. We were going to the Cheescake factory!! DA DA DUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What possibly could I get there. I tell you people, the trick about this new path is finding things to eat that don't set me at the dieter equivelant of the children's table at Thanksgiving & Christmas.  So after thinking omlet which they serve all day which i stopped thinking about since I've been living off the chicken in it's just born and juicy tender ages that I needed, no CRAVED some other type of sustinance. I opted for the grilled salmon, with broccoli and aspargus. Very glad I did and it wasn't like I was looked at like I had 3 heads for getting it. I wasn't the only one actually. I did order a low-carb cheescake that I will savor today and tomorrow counting it towards my sweet treats for the days.  I just need to learn portion control which going back to my first blog is not easy to do here in the good old US of A!! Come on a pint of ice crean serves 4 people?? Who are they kidding, that's a single serving. What? It's not? Well hmmm let me see these portions you write about. Interesting, 3-4 oz of meat you say? Okay I will try it your way and in the end hopefully it will be my way so eventually I will have less "in the end! ;-)

One of THOSE Days

     Just feeling depressed today. Not that I would let anyone know it. It's my deal not theirs, why make others feel the same way. I went to the gym this morning and ate what I should today and for some reason I just feel like crying. I know it is MY own doing, I ate the wrong things, I did not move around as I should have and the years went by. I KNOW this and I know what I am doing will eventually show to myself that I am doing the right thing. Problem is I feel like shit sometimes. I feel very unattractive at the moment.  I know I don't break mirrors but sometimes it's difficult to look at yourself and not just see a blob!! Tonight is one of those nights. I will get over it as I always do but it's a bit cathartic to write this as I've never admitted this to people. 

     You people in the "normal to chubby" range have no idea and I hope you never do.  The embarrassment of waiting for a ride for an hour at an amusement park only to get there and be told you are too big to ride it. How about seeing the face of a person at the theater or crowded movie when you go to sit next them and you can see they are horrified and nervous that you will steal "Their" space and crowd them! Never mind the side of the seat digging into your thighs. Yet you smile and make the best out of it. Fat people usually fall into one of several categories. The rude obnoxious person who no one wants to be around anyway. The clown, always funny always laughing. The bully who uses their size to intimidate people. Or the person who doesn't realize they are fat and gets ridiculed by others including other fat people.  I'm not sure where I fall, probably clown, but I add to it. I have a heart and I care about many things and many people. I tend to joke about my size and yes it's a defense at times. In my day to day world with those that know me I don't feel the need but occasionally on unfamiliar turf a good offense is a good defense.

     I just want to feel sexy!! How female, how self absorbed but it's been so long since I've felt that way. I have been told I am sexy and God I love those people for what they see; I just want to be able to see if for myself.  I was actually chatted up by a nice man in the grocery store the other day and it felt good, I will admit. I'm not used to it. Oh no really, I'm sure you are all aghast that it doesn't happen every day! LOL

It's now 10PM and I'm finding that I'm rambling and ranting. Really guys this is not a normal day for  me, normally I'm very cheerful and outgoing but occasionally I do feel this way. like I said I'm going to be very honest in these blogs and many will choose not to read them. That's okay, like I told my new friend from South Beach Diet, we are beautiful, we have much to give and we need to love ourselves so that we can show the world a complete person that they will also love. Until next rant...good night!

No Matter What...

As I sit here crunching away on a nice grilled chicken salad I am going over the days events so far. I had a wonderful morning and then on my way to work I get cut off buy a lady who somehow didn't notice my 3,000 plus pound car in the lane next to her. I wasn't even in her blindspot, something I try never to do to anyone! Then I get to work and although I like my work very much some issues come up that just make you sit and your desk and feel an odd mix of being pissed off and just plain resigned to the fact that no mater what you do what you have to! Other good news is my fridge is breaking down and I'm secretly happy as I've wanted a new one for years. LOL
No matter what, people are going to do what they want
No matter what, things aren't always perfect
No matter what, those you love can hurt you sometimes
No matter what, things happen you can't control
No mater what its up to YOU to smile and make the best out of it and know that life is interesting for all sorts of reasons. Hoping yours is always for good but you know where to find me if it's not!

Just A Few Yummies

Chicken Lettuce Wrap

• 1 leaf lettuce, good size, I like radicchio
• 1 slice 99% lean turkey breast
• 1 slice 99% lean  ham
• 1 slice tomato
• 1 slice avocado
• 1 teaspoon lime juice
• 1 tablespoon sugar-free ranch dressing

 

In a bowl mash the avocado slice with lime juice,salt, then spread on the lettuce leaf. Put the meats and tomato on top and roll it up. You can dip it lightly in ranch dressing if you desire. 

Remember to count your avocado as a fat, 1/3rd of an avocado is about quarter a cup or one serving of fat.

Enjoy!

Peanut Butter Chocolate Mousse 

Take one (1) sugar free fudge popsicle and melt in microwave about 20 - 25 seconds. Then add 2 teaspoons of peanut butter and 3 teaspoons of sugar free cool whip. Mix these all together and it makes a great sugar free mousse. You can refreeze it for a ice cream like dessert later but I like it either way. Play around with the amounts of peanut butter or cool whip and you can even add a packet or two of Splenda if you like it really sweet. 

Enjoy it! :-D

Helping Others By Helping Myself

I have to tell you I just got home from a great drive out to Harper's Ferry. Great little town on the Shenandoah river. We walked and looked at all the old buildiings from the early 1700's and passed by the ice scream shops, there were 3. It was a real nice afternoon and evening. Yes I got tired BUT Idid it.  Bck at home I get online to South Beach website and this woman JoAnn, request my friendship. Sure thing, I reply and she tells me that she was glad to find the site and wants to try this. We IM back and forth for awhile and apparently she needs to lose almost 300 pounds. She is afraid to do surgery because she knows someone who died from it. Okay I can understand that. Then she said one night she wanted to kill herself and she actually had a gun to her head. She continued to say that before she held the trigger her phone rang and it was her mother. She didnt pick up but instead sat there and cried, but did not pull the trigger thankfully. I'm getting weepy myself right now. I have been overweight my entire life but I never thought to kill myself over it. My heart went out to her. I have felt desperation over the years & I told her that right now I am taking baby steps and they will grow and eventually I will get to where I want to get to. It's going to take a long time and I am not always as patient as I should be. She said that she wished she looked like me. She was referring to the picture I put here as I have this one posted there too. She wanted to look like me?? I'm such a bubble and she wanted to look like me. It took me aback but then it hit!! It's all releative. She wants to look like me, I want to look like someone else and that person probably wants to look like someone also. I told her she needs to look like her and that I could tell she was a sweet lady. I gave her my email address and she gave me hers. She lives in NJ. Maybe one day on my way to my dad's I will stop by and see her. Her stats are high numbers on SBD website but I'm going to help her and by helping her I will help me as well. I told JoAnn I was going to use her to help me lose weight. She sent a LOL and said as long I could do it she would try to stay on it as well. So I have said proclaimed in my firast blog that I am losing weight for me not to look what society thinks looks good. Hell I'm stopping at about a 16 , 16 & fit!! GRRRR  LOL Now it seems I'm losing weight to help another person and THAT my friends is something I love to. Going to be interesting

Woohoo!! Look at all that hair I had!

My first blog ever - RESOLVED!

     I have wanted to start a blog now since I have started on a path to being healthy again. I look at the scale and see the high numbers and think oh god I don't want to have to get a new scale. You know the one. I mean either that or weigh yourself at the local UPS store! Well I don't want to do that!

This has been a life struggle, and look I love curves. I think a woman should not be a stick, but at the moment I'm taking this curve thing to a new level and I need to bring it down a bit. I went from a chubby kid to a pleasantly plump teen, to a junior miss in my 20's and now I am not sure what the phrase may be. Add the fact that I am only 5 feet tall makes for an interesting silhouette. Rubenesque on steroids!!  

     If I had a dollar for every time growing up I heard "Oh but she has such a pretty face" PULEESE!!!  I think I really need to evaluate my sitch! Look I'm not a kid and I'm not dumb. What I am, at least when it comes to my weight is complacent. I know what I need to do , who doesn't, but up until now I really haven't put effort into it. As Mr. Dylan sings, "The times they are a-changin'" So I am now on South Beach Diet, AND I joined a gym that I actually have gone to and will regularly. At least three times a week is my early goal, and will be building from that.

     It's so hard being overweight in the world. Yet here in the US it will drive you especially batty.  You have ads and models all looking tan and thin looking at you from TV and magazines, and yet a small soda comes in a cup large enough to use as a vase!  WTH people???  I love the US but we are so messed up in the way we view ourselves. Instant this and instant that, enough of it, at least for me.  I always have been a wonderful starter of things, but this is my life and so I have more resolve to complete this. More than I have before, why? I have no idea. I have lost weight and I have gained weight. I think perhaps I am finally secure in other aspects of myself that for once I am truly ready. Plus I have plans to go to Europe next year and I'll be damned if I'm going to squish myself into a plane seat for a jaunt over the Atlantic. Hell at this point I probably couldn't even set the tray down, but I will and that's one goal I have set. 

     You, whomever reads this, you are joining me on a life journey. I can't promise I will always be cheerful, but I will tell it like it is.  I see photos on places like Deviant Art and these women are not skinny as a matter of fact, just the opposite. They are larger women but damn if they aren't sexy as hell. I love looking at them and would love to do a photo shoot like they do. I am a bit jealous of them if I am honest.

I will be posting pictures on here once I know how- LOL  I will also be adding recipes, jokes, whatever happens to cross my mind, which can be very left of center. 

     Who knows maybe no one will ever read this blog and that's fine too, because as losing weight this is also being done for myself.