Well La De Fuckin Da

     Was a lovely weekend. Very chill, but got things done that I wanted. New things. Like yoga. Oh yes peeps, herself found herself in a room with other ladies, all of us in various stages of roundness. I was not sure what to expect. It was stretches, and loosening ourselves up. Simple stretches that limber you up gently. Moves I wouldn't have thought possible from this short round body. Some were not done right I know, but I've got things to do.
     I started work in August. I was going to the gym like a good girl. I looked and felt great. I was sexy, it showed I felt it. Then work started. Thrilled to be working again. Yet the side effects of working everyday with a schedule smack in the day, left me figuring when to work out. I've made it to the gym, not anywhere near what I should and sat on my ass all day. See my work ethic is a good one. I stay at my desk, answering phones and do it quicker than some, so although I get more calls done, I am quite stationary. Well I got this bracelet that measures my steps. Yes my circuit does not show up but I need to gain leg stamina so I can walk a lot. Now in the last few weeks, I've changed things up a bit. I'm not booking at the 5k a day steps I want, but I am over 1k and keeping steady around 2k. I almost got to 3k one day. I'm getting up and even just to get water from the kitchen, the walking at lunch is giving me more walking in the day. I drive to work, I stay at my desk. All day nothing gets done at home, one would think it would, but I know the depression that being out of work does. Hubs is buried in it, even if it seems okay, I see it. What makes it worse is that he gets paid the same as when working so now I know he's scared. Scared he's been out too long, scared he's older than the others, scared he's washed up. It makes me sad, so I tell him all the positive things I can. They are not lies, he truly is brilliant with computers. Well anyway, nothing gets done, so when I come home at night, it's picking up, it's getting dinner. Weekends when I should be out, it time to clean, to do the things that should be getting done. I'm not making any excuses, well maybe a little, but no more. I'm down to the wire, 6 months, 6 months until a lifelong dream will come true. I can't disappoint those people that have burrowed into my heart. They are planning a party for me, for me! Nobody me!! I'm gobsmacked by that. I can't let them down.  I can't let ME DOWN!
     Time to get serious, I will be damed if I will trip myself up, as I've done so often in the past. I am going to board that plane, have amazing adventures, then come home still feeling like I'm flying from the rush of the week and a half that just had happened.
      Truth peeps, I'm scared, I'm getting nervous, I feel like I'm not living up to what's expected and worse I'm feeling very needy. I feel ugly, not desirable and when push comes to shove I feel I disappoint when I try. I know this will pass, as I get stronger, but for now, I needed to confess my thoughts. It's been awhile but please don't let this turn you off my blog. More fun to come.  Ciao For Now.

Well Here We Are In The Office

Its now about 3:46 in the afternoon and the wave of calm that always happens this time of day is here and it is not doing me any favors boy! I went to sleep at a fairly normal hour, half 11, then I woke up at about 1/4 to 4 and couldn't sleep for almost and hour and a half, so very little sleep fo rme. I feel it too. Yawning evey few minutes, tacky I know. LOL Well my new car has arrived. It was such a thril to look at the odometer and see 45 miles insted of 96K. I will miss my Pony but it was draining me dry in gas. She needed high test premium and gas prices are high again. The gas milege wasn't very high either, ranging about 25 mpg on highways. This now one is at 39/40 highway. I look forward to visiting my dad on half a tank. It's nice to be able to use the bluetooth to speak through the car. I am just learning the bells and whistles it comes with and once I figure it all out, Bruno Mars will be singing his heart out as I drive the roads. (I'm getting a weird fangirl crush on him LMAO hahaha) My biggest heartbreak this weekend came in the form of my friends Mom dying. I have known this woman since 1980 when I met my friend. She was a very lovely lady who used to spoke French with my Uncle when ever they met. She was from Hungary and actually spoke 4 languages. She unfortunatley had a very hard young life as she was jewish and put in the concentration camps as a young girl. She survived and I have to tell you her stories were mezmerizing. They gave you chills! She was friends with Sidney Poiteir (wrong spelling I know)but she is now at rest at least and I now it will take time but my friend knows this too. So here's to life! I'm a very boring gal, I have nothing new going on (other than my car of course but I dont want to be a pest with that) BUT I IS ONE HAPPY BUNNY! lol okay no more, squeal!! lmao I do have a yoga class this weekend at my gym THIS shoud be interesting for certain. It's called lower body Yoga and I want to decrease my lower body without taking anything from my upper. HEHEHE I dont know , when you think of yoga, maybe its just me, but the downward dog position seems futile if thre is not a hot partner behind you,with some spanking, some wine and Maxwell playing on the Ipod. BWAHAHAHA I'm wicked I know, that ain't changing anytme soon, I can promise that! ;-) I tell ya peeps. I am ready to go home, after I drop off my title at the dealership as I forgot it yesterday. I am looking forward to snuggling up on the couch and reading my new book as I drink more than enough tea. Quaint right? Im headed to the gym tomorrow night as I already told hubs I wont be home right after work. Well thre is my boring day peeps. Ciao For Now.

Readers Digest

Friend broke her foot, Dad had a date, Hubs has a slight ear infection. I bought a car, dear friends mother died. Had Easter at the in-laws. Just had a very strong night cap. Sleepy now. Ciao for now peeps🐣🐰

It's Been Awhile I Know

     Well let's see what has been going on in Mary land. Not Maryland, that's a state sillies! Lol life is as we go on day to day, the same basically with little notches of funny. A surprise too this week.      Hubby sent me a lovely orchid, that came in a very vintage looking tea cup & saucer. So pretty and it looks great on my desk. I also got the fall fairy I ordered plus an added surprise of a beautiful necklace as a gift.  I was touched. I also got an early birthday gift for a friends daughter. I am actually thinking about other items I may order. I mean one of a kind cool gifts are the way to go I think. I love when I get a handmade gift. A couple of years ago two of my English friends made theses awesome tea cups for hubs and me. We use them quite often. Hubs really was taken by his, and my creative artist was a young lady who has such talent that is developing and I smile every time I use it. I've had some good laughs with my old girlies. Looking at mine and hers wedding pics, we just laugh over what happened behind the scenes. Just good memories. 😂
       Well on the car front, I am getting more and more frustrated. I just can't find the car I want in the color I want. Looking at other colors now and the selection is not really giving me warm and toasty feelings but I will have a new car, hopefully before I go to England. Hubs is asking for me to wait until he starts working again. Fair enough I suppose.
      I was talking to a co-worker today, and he was sweet. He said I should not worry about social stigmas as I am a one of a kind. He's a really nice guy, and very intelligent. It's nice to know you can have a good conversation. Actually there are a few of them in the same pod, and the conversations that happen would make The Voice pale in comparison. Good group, we had all hung out on our snow team when we had a in room party one night, as the snow came down heavy. Speaking of snow team, another friend from work, will be leaving us tomorrow. Him and his partner are moving out of state. I'm sad that he is leaving but happy for him, and all the new beginnings. I bought a little something for him as a going away. I will miss him terribly.
     Sunday is Easter so we will be headed over to the in-laws. Love them and there may be lamb.  Yummy!!! Lmao today was Holy Thursday and all day today, when someone said Holy Thursday I so wanted to shout out "Batman!"  BWAHAHA.  I'm so sarcastic 😊😎
     Not much of a blog but life is steady decent so I'm not complaining. So until next time, ciao for now.

Just Give Me The Night

     Hello once again peeps. It's Saturday night, just about 11 pm. Hubs is nodding off and I am doing a crossword, but I needed to give my mind a rest from it as it was making me cross eyed. No pun intended. I've had an enjoyable day, went for a lovely drive as the weather was stellar. I went to the gym and did my circuit, on that a side note of frustration. I am wearing my jawbone again, but it doesn't measure anything that doesn't not include walking and the circuit doesn't, so it looks like I sat on my ass all day. I try to reserve that for work. Lol ah well I know it at least and I put it on my fitness pal to keep track of it. I did have some gelato this evening. It was super yummy, but I limit myself to a little even though I could have had more quite easily.
     Going to a brunch tomorrow, and making traditional English scones. I haven.  the recipe from a woman who married a man from England. I found it on Pinterest. Had very high ratings and they looked lovely. Not overly sweet, which I like. I am stopping at the store to pick up strawberry jam and clotted cream, or maybe Devonshire cream. I have put the question to my friend hoping he can explain the difference and suggest which one based on his preference I would imagine.
     Spoke to my friend today who was moving into her new house this very day. I am beyond happy for her. I love when I hear good news from dear friends. I like to know they are happy. I can't wait to visit her. It won't be for a few months as she wants to paint and arrange the home as she wants it. She has quite a decorating flair, and her home will look like a magazine I'm sure. I've seen it in the house she rented and in her apartment also. She's very good, good eye!
     I have to say I wrote a blog yesterday that I erased. It was a bit maudlin and I wrote it in frustration as I had no one to speak with. Just a bad night. As what usually happens, with the coming of the sun, it was better. I try to keep calm, for my health and my sanity, but on occasion, it's gets a bit much. The worst is hearing the words said that sting me, knowing they are not meant I try to let it go. Hell, most of the time, it's not even remembered. But today has been lovely, I'm feeling good, in a great mood. I was in such a good mood that I didn't even bug friends on Facebook although I know they were on. I am not the sun and their lives do not circle around me. So how selfish of me to act that way. I'm looking forward to tomorrow as brunch will be fun, the day is supposed to be as beautiful as today was. A friend at work gave me daffodils and I am planning to plant them around the lamppost in my front yard. They should look pretty there. So that is on the list for tomorrow as well.
     The tea cup is now empty and that is my cue. Party animal that I am, I'm heading to bed at half 11. Lmao I will be up early as I need to get an early start. So I will say to you all as I always do, Ciao For Now.

Well Ain't That Just Perfect

     I'm talking about the news I got this afternoon at work. Now my credit suffered quite a bit when I was out. I was making about a third of what I was making when I worked. So I have been trying to regroup and get back in Fico's good graces. Well today I get an email saying the credit check that is given prior to working was not done for me, and 4 other people. I am a little freaked out. What if I don't pass? What happens? Will I be let go? I can't be, I need to work. I wasn't in yesterday and today I was on the verge of barfing more than once. I just started to feel better than I saw this. Not happy at all! Oh well no use worrying about it. My bills are all paid, car is paid off , that should help. Fuck fuck fuck. 😄😂
     I'm just still tired. Headed to the gym after work tomorrow. Going to get in early at work and do a few things. Concentrating on day by day. And the time will go. I'm going to worry about what effects me, help those I love if I can, and keep my eye on what I want. We shall see.  Signing off peeps, not in the blogging frame of mind. Sorry. Until next time, ciao for now. 💗😎

Days Of Future Passed

     Ever feel like you are somehow being tested? That's my last few days I tell you. My memory has been strong lately and I find myself longing for adventures that occurred and even more so the urge for new memories. Not happening I know but one can hope that those involved think back occasionally and long for them again.
     I plan on making some awesome memories later this year. I will have lots of pics to share so I will do thus on my laptop so I can share them. 😀
    I must share, my friend over in England had my peeing I was laughing so hard. I had mentioned my perfect length slacks, well he teased me and called them shorts, I said they are not shorts! Then he messages - belt? I burst out laughing. He just cracks me up! Thanks for that my friend. Even hubs audibly Lol'd at that one hahaha
     I promised some poetry, and here is a snippet of what I'm working on:
She awoke from Winters slumbers
Ready for new adventures
Her body ripe and wanting
Ready to feel her destiny once more
She had prepared all through the cold and darkness
Knowing that the time would come once again.......
That's the start of it, more tomorrow or maybe I'll just for Sunday and post the whole damn thing. 😌
    Another weeks close is upon us and I'm happy. It went rather quickly but I find myself sad as the lady who is leaving work thinks she may make tomorrow her last day instead on next Friday. Must stop and get flowers on the way to work. I am running on a high energy but I feel it stabilizing. I am not writing long blogs peeps as nothing is going on. So I will say night night. I really want some long chats with friends this weekend, hope it can happen. 😳
Ciao for now

Just a teeny something.

     Good day today, but busy. Bit of upsetting news though. One of the temps that we hired during open enrollment was informed that her last day will be the 11th of this month. I am sad, she is a doll and I will miss her. On another point, she was one of the people who was on the HR side until closing at 6pm. Now it's just 2 of us, and I don't see us getting out at 6 now. Oh well, can you say overtime? Lol 

       There's a stomach bug going around and several folks have it. Tonight I feel a bit off in the tummy area. To reference Winnie The Pooh, I have a rumbly in my tumbly. My belly made a rather loud rumble, and Hubs starred at me and I asked what? He said it was nice to get the F5 warning.  I smiled and told him, fabulous, you finally realized I'm the finger of God. (Major Twister reference lol) 

       Wasn't that post exciting? Lmao. Working on some poetry so I will post that tomorrow. I leave you now and wish you as always, ciao for now.

There Was A Black Moon

     It was yesterday. A time for change, new starts. Well let's see. I have felt the pull of this moon from down deep inside. I have made some changes and we shall see if they benefit me or not. I am feeling positive about these, I will say that.
     Ooh peeps, I wish I could sometimes be as raw as I want to be. I hold back on occasion, even on a blog that's supposed to be that raw kind of emotion. Thing is there is shit that I deal with every day, that I've learned to live with, that I shouldn't have to. I go to work every day, usually with a smile, to the point where if I'm quiet, I get asked what's wrong. Nothing wrong, just being reflective. What if I had zigged instead of zagged? Things like that. Looking at photos of gorgeous kitchens and rooms set just so. I've been promised a new kitchen for about 4 years now, the hope of one is fading, but I will cling onto it. Thing is, it's not something I can just go out and purchase right? There planning, choosing cabinets, colors, and I love to do this, hubs not so much, so until I can get him fully onboard, it's like dangling food in front of a starving man. Yet, there I am, watching HGTV, and drooling at glass backdrops. Lol
     Things I can change, I am changing. My body, my emotions, my hair color. Lol So I'm not being stagnant, but I wish I could change things that no one seems to be able to. Hubs' skin issues for one, the fact that he's up to about 15 oz of booze to sleep, things going on with that, that I'd never put in a blog. It would disrespect him, and I'm not about doing that. He's a good man, and I love him. So never would I shame him, even in secret. Suffice to say, rest of the days he's been very good, he does a lot, and I try to tell him as much as possible that I appreciate all he does.
      It's almost midnight and I'm not tired. I should be sleeping or at least get horizontal, but lots of thoughts going on. I've eased back into the gym. Not at 100% yet but almost. Most of circuit and treadmill - check. I want heads to turn, not because I'm vain, but because of things lately I need a bit of coddling. Nothing major, just to know that " I still got it!" Needy bunny - yes! I won't deny it, but I'm human. It's also kind of odd to be the older one in the office. I work with lovely people but the majority of them are kids. They all go out to bars in the area, and I'm never invited. I'd go. I've been to a few house parties, but would be nice to go out and have drinks. There are others in work, mid30's and up and yes I tend to talk more with them, but when 85% of the Helpdesk is all going out! it would be nice to get invited. Hell I'd go, I'd probably give them all a run for their money too! It's weird. There is one woman, who is the same age as me, yet she gets treated like she's older. And she acts it to. So I guess I could be that way, and I'm grateful I'm not. So I know, shut up Mary and be happy with what is. That's all well and good, but I'd still like to go for a drink.
      Tomorrow is April Fools Day. And aside from the jokes, I can't believe it's actually April. A quarter of the year gone! How?? It was just New Years. Time is passing by, and I'm going to enjoy it. Like I mentioned I've been drawing, I've been singing, I've been eating more veg less meat, I've been taking off my make up EVERY night. But I can say, at night, I can look at myself in the mirror and smile. I've done nothing to be ashamed off and may have actually helped someone at work. So yes, needy bitch on occasion, but all in all, I'm happy! Just after midnight, so I'm off. Ciao For Now peeps.