Well La De Fuckin Da

     Was a lovely weekend. Very chill, but got things done that I wanted. New things. Like yoga. Oh yes peeps, herself found herself in a room with other ladies, all of us in various stages of roundness. I was not sure what to expect. It was stretches, and loosening ourselves up. Simple stretches that limber you up gently. Moves I wouldn't have thought possible from this short round body. Some were not done right I know, but I've got things to do.
     I started work in August. I was going to the gym like a good girl. I looked and felt great. I was sexy, it showed I felt it. Then work started. Thrilled to be working again. Yet the side effects of working everyday with a schedule smack in the day, left me figuring when to work out. I've made it to the gym, not anywhere near what I should and sat on my ass all day. See my work ethic is a good one. I stay at my desk, answering phones and do it quicker than some, so although I get more calls done, I am quite stationary. Well I got this bracelet that measures my steps. Yes my circuit does not show up but I need to gain leg stamina so I can walk a lot. Now in the last few weeks, I've changed things up a bit. I'm not booking at the 5k a day steps I want, but I am over 1k and keeping steady around 2k. I almost got to 3k one day. I'm getting up and even just to get water from the kitchen, the walking at lunch is giving me more walking in the day. I drive to work, I stay at my desk. All day nothing gets done at home, one would think it would, but I know the depression that being out of work does. Hubs is buried in it, even if it seems okay, I see it. What makes it worse is that he gets paid the same as when working so now I know he's scared. Scared he's been out too long, scared he's older than the others, scared he's washed up. It makes me sad, so I tell him all the positive things I can. They are not lies, he truly is brilliant with computers. Well anyway, nothing gets done, so when I come home at night, it's picking up, it's getting dinner. Weekends when I should be out, it time to clean, to do the things that should be getting done. I'm not making any excuses, well maybe a little, but no more. I'm down to the wire, 6 months, 6 months until a lifelong dream will come true. I can't disappoint those people that have burrowed into my heart. They are planning a party for me, for me! Nobody me!! I'm gobsmacked by that. I can't let them down.  I can't let ME DOWN!
     Time to get serious, I will be damed if I will trip myself up, as I've done so often in the past. I am going to board that plane, have amazing adventures, then come home still feeling like I'm flying from the rush of the week and a half that just had happened.
      Truth peeps, I'm scared, I'm getting nervous, I feel like I'm not living up to what's expected and worse I'm feeling very needy. I feel ugly, not desirable and when push comes to shove I feel I disappoint when I try. I know this will pass, as I get stronger, but for now, I needed to confess my thoughts. It's been awhile but please don't let this turn you off my blog. More fun to come.  Ciao For Now.