Fat This And Fat That

    Look I am Fat, I'm also PHAT!! lol I went clothes shopping and I really need to say that the people in other countries who make the garments for us big gals must think we have the longest arms in the world, much akin to a gorilla trailing it's knuckles across the floor. With every size you go up the arms on the blouse or sweater get longer. Now yes, I know my arms are short anyway, and so for me it feels like I could make a pair of leg warmers sometimes with the extra arm length on the sweaters.  It's crazy and of course I pay up to 3x what the "normal" girls pay for their clothes because I have a 2 in my dress size, the FRONT number of course!! LOL I think I may have wore a size 2 when I was 3, hehehe  not really but you get my drift.  The big girl stores like Lane Bryant (I call it Lane Giant) have some nice things, as do Catherine's and Asos and Torrid but even though the later are well priced, one can easily spend $300, and come home with one bag. ACK!!! I dont have that kind of cash, so right now my clothes are a weird mix of too loose and too tight, and the few odd pieces newly bought that fit just right. I am the embodyment of the take of Goldilocks, except I'm not placed on the dining table....well ... hmmm... never mind ;-D   
     I am saving my money for my trip next year and also to buy some awesome clothes when I am there. I like the style and will make appearences in many hgh street stores and of course I have to go to Harrods, it's like going to New York, you must go to Macy's and Saks.  I will need to get some winter things so all I ask is wish me luck. Otherwise I will be walking around in my gorilla arm sweater trying to figure out how much I can roll the sleeve up with out looking like I'm wearing a kitten around each wrist!
    I want to look pretty, I want to feel sexy, and I want to find the perfect outfit that will accomplish this for under $200.
     Now onto shoes!! So of course my feet are not narrow bird feet. Seriously how could they be I'd fall over any time I tried to walk. I wear a wide foot, not extra wide, but just wide enough to cause issues with anything other than sneakers. And lets nit discuss boots, my calves have issues! Again not huge but still a bit too round to fint most sizes, even wide width.  I think the people who make the clothes get with the shoe makers and well I guess they think we look something akin to Gru from the movie "Despicable Me" (google it LOL)
     Well when I get my clothing I will let you all know, and yes this blog today was all about me, it's my blog, Im allowed once in a while ;-) Tomorrow I will write about other things. HEY an idea just came to mind,  why don't YOU ALL SEND ME THINGS YOU WANT TO SEE ME WRITE ABOUT?? That would be cool, and I would so do it!! So chew on that and send me ideas and until next time, Ciao For Now.

The Muse is Upon Me lol

Hey peeps, yep, just felt like putting pen to paper and myself in a situation in my mind and seeing what happens. Who is she? She is not unique yet its obvious she feels that way in her thoughts. What a wonderful feeling that must be :-)
So here are the thoughts in my head, is it current time, her in jeans and sneakers, or time gone by, wearing long dresses and empty fields in the distance?  I leave that up to you, all is subjective, as we each pull what we will from any writing. Good or (I hope not) bad! LOL   Well enjoy :-D

She sat on the porch, the wind blowing her hair,
a sense of the autumn to come was evident.
With this her thoughts drifted, as they often did,
to the chill that would soon fill the air. She welcomed it, as it brought the possibility of another meeting. She wrapped her arms around her knees, feeling in her mind his embrace.
She could smell his scent, and instantly she was arroused. No one knew her body as well as he did. He just seemed to know where to go to make her respond in unabashed delight.
It baffled her that he could read her so well, when to so many she was un readable.
She took pleasure in her memories of words spoken, dreams discussed, the feel of his skin that she wanted to devour.
His eyes though spoke volumes. She imagined the last time, when she looked into those eyes as they moved in rythmn together, then later that night with an even more primal urge. Her hands on his shoulders feeling their strength and control.
A smile appeared on her face as she lifted it to feel the breeze again.
Nothing would ever take these memories from her. She longed to build on them, the foundation of friendship, trust and caring growing layer upon layer. Memories that carress her, make her smile, make her laugh, make her thankful to know such a person. How soon again?  No idea; but she will wait, as anything worthwhile is worth waiting for. He will come again she imagined as the sweet autumn winds come, as with all things do when the time is right. Would it be in days, or months? It would happen when it should. To push for it to be sooner would only harm what nature puts in one's path. And like nature, there is no explanation of why it is,  just the enjoyment of being able to be oneself, no inhibitions, and to be at peace when all is said and done!

Yea I'm a nutter, we know this.  I can almost hear the theme from A Summer's Place in my head as I read this over. LMAO
Okay that's it for today, so until next time I say, Ciao For Now

It Fixes What Ails Ya

     So want am I referring to?  It's tea! I find that when I don't feel well, it soothes me. I've been spoiled too, as my friend in England keeps me in full supply. I have noticed on the Twinings tea from England, the tea bags have more tea in them. Lol yep and I adore my Earl Grey and the Lady Grey that was a really nice change. I also tend to leave the tea bag in my mug as I like strong tea. He sent me a few really nice stronger teas too. I like it hot, I like it iced, I'll drink it black, but milk and sugar is nice! Haha I sound like Dr. Suesse. Now look I know it's not a cure all but it calms me down.  I was home today as I felt like shite! Had some green tea with lemon and honey which was pretty much all I could keep down.
     I've. Even a bit under the weather, not really sick but not 100% either and early Monday in the wee hours I got so dizzy. The room was all wiggly wobbly. And I thought I would faint! Was up most of the night then tried to get ready for work, and it just wasn't happening. Still feel a bit woozybut I have stuff to do and I won't take off too much , especially that Monday coming is a holiday. So I hung out online, slept and watched a movie.
     I hope everyone had a good Monday , tell me your thoughts. I hope you can post. So I'm saying goodnight. Tonights blog was brought to you by the letter "T". Lol get it?? Awe Ciao For Now

Rainy Days Are Here Today

     Today has been one of those lazy kind of days. Woke up around 7AM and it was pouring, so made a nice hot cup of tea, and set my laptop up in my bed as it was nice and cozy with my hubs and kitty both snoring, and the rain pinging on the roof and windowsill. Needless to say that after I finished my tea I was sleepy again, so I lay down and off to dreamland I went for an hour or so. Woke again and was freezing as sometime after I fell asleep, hubs mus have gotten up and turned on the fan. Mind you I was naked and the blanket was all tangled, when I went to move it, the cat protested but guess who won that battle.  ME for a change, normally the cat does  LOL  So welcome to my morning :-)

     I was reading yesterday some posts on facebook and I got really upset. So many post about growing older and needing people in your life and we all know how needy I am with that. I admit it, I am afraid of being alone. I have no children and it's only me and hubs. I worry that one day, many many years from now I will be all alone. I read about a man who robbed a small store so that he would be put in prison so he would be looked after. OMG I mean I realize I'm not going to steal a can of tuna to be sent up the river, but some of these stories just break your heart. I then read about a puppy who died because no one would adopt him since he was part pit bull. The vets were afraid he would bite, he was a puppy!! Now I am not sure if that was a true story but the idea of it made me so sad.   

     I, in reality have so much compared to others and I'm sure if I was not heard from for days people would wonder where I was, but I cant help it I think weird shit sometimes!! 

     On the other hand I also had a great day yesterday and despite the sad stories had a good night. I skyped with JoAnne!! It was nice to talk with her in real life on the computer LOL She is very funny and she kept saying how pretty I was and she is going to raid my closet when she can fit into my clothes.  I went through some things and I have a little care package to ship out to her this week.  I need to buy a few things too, mainly undies and bras. I also need some winter slacks and skirts. My grey dress is loose on me but I have a belt I can wear, yea a belt...ME!! hahaha  

     I am loving this time of year, it's darker at night when I leave work and even though its warm out the temps are not even reaching 90 degrees anymore. Love it!! 

     I am waiting for the season final of True Blood tonight. Its such a twisted and weird show, I love it! :-D   I am off to make yet another cup of tea, (A nod of thanks to my friend in England who keeps me in supply) and get ready for my show and then off to shower as tomorrow is a work day. I do this so tonight I can shave my legs and wash my hair so then in the morning I only need a quick shower to wash away the night and get ready. I am going to the office supply store before work as they are fundraising there (books, crayons, pens & pencils, etc are needed), and this store has school supplies cheap. So until next time, Ciao For Now

Short & Sweet (like me LOL)

I don't have too much tonight so I am leaving this here. I put this on my facebook too! 

Good Character and a person's worth is NOT delegated by the size label on their clothing. Those come from knowing and believing in yourself, in what is right for YOU! Knowing that you do not need to act or think like everyone else. It takes real courage to accept yourself and stand true to your beliefs. You know what they call doing that? You got it ---- Good Character!!

So until tomorrow I say Ciao For Now

I May Be Weird

     I need to get this out, I love my job and I really like the people I work with. But days like today make me feel like I am so not important. Our director asked me what a rep was doing sitting with another rep. I honestly did not know, but I can assume they are cross training. Which I found out as our other supervisor told our director.  Here's the thing, I have no problem not knowing something and figure they are doing what they were told by our managers but when one supervisor knows and the other doesnt it just doesn't seem right. I feel very out of the loop, and I felt foolish telling my director that I did not know, since I was not informed of it. It makes me look bad, and I don't need help thank you. Maybe I'm too sensitive but it's not always easy working the later shift. Now on the other side I get a chance to look things up and, like, just a few hours ago I was able to help a manager who emailed in with a question about work location codes.  I saw the ticket open and I was able to close it and get it out of my cue! Ah I am tried and I'm sure I'm just being over sensitive but I can't help my feelings and I won't say anymore to anyone over what I already have. Some things just are what they are!! KWIM? I would like to work the day shift for a few months so I can have my nights free but ain't happening! LOL
     So lets see, I heard from Jo-Anne. She has totally given up on losing weight and all she mentions now is the gastric bypass surgery. I asked her when she is going to get it done but she is not sure. I know you lose a lot of weight very fast. I wish her luck. I again find myself not hungry at all, I even brought a light dinner meal of yogurt and fruit but I am not interested in it.  I have no idea why I am like this as of late but I'm not complaining and I'm not forcing myself to eat! Such is life with its twists and turns.
     I got some love in the mail this morning. I received a post card from when my friend and his family went to Bruges. The girls wrote me and well I love post cards and photos of far away places. England is awesome that in 2 hours or so,you can be in France or Beligium. Two hours gets me to Maryland or Tennessee LOL  BIG DIFFERENCE there! It started my day with a smile though and I must fill you in on a secret, when I got frustrated earlier, I re-read the card and I felt better.
     Like I said I'm weird. I talk in a weird way, I have odd thoughts. I am me though and I like me (most of the time LOL) I am looking out the window tight now and the sun is setting and one can't help but notice the days are shorter than before. School is in the air. Well you read my October rant hahahahahaaha so just insert all that here!!   I am not focusing as I have some things to do and getting distracted so I will say bye now. Until next time ....Ciao

These Are The Days Of Our Lives

     Well, let's see.......well drum roll please ....this week I lost......NOTHING!!!  Well after this mini holiday I'm happy I didn't gain. Truthfully though aside from 2 pancakes on Sunday and the beer Friday Night I otherwise ate pretty decent. It's like I don't need to think about watching portion sizes anymore. I now seem to automatically take a smaller portion. Something else I've noticed is that I am not eating that much at dinner, if I have it at all. Weird but by the time I get home, I am not all that hungry.  We change I guess :-)

    I feel myself growing stronger. It always happens this time of year. Autumn alights something in me that's almost primal. I need to take control and push and prepare myself. My energy grows and I feel I can accomplish things (that feeling is strongest this time of year). Maybe because I was born in October! Did you know that Samhain (Halloween) is the witches New Year?  (it is) Well it's also the time when the vail is the thinnest between living and dead!  October is crisp apples, heavy sweaters, crunching the multi coloured leaves under your shoes! October is cinnamon, cloves, allspice, dates and walnuts!  Whoa I went off on a bit of a tangent. Hehe 

     I'm back! The funny, inquisitive, short but cute tattooed gal from Brooklyn is back! She has a new mission so to speak. The last year was the stretching before you get in to the real race! Now it's time to go over the top and write down a real plan and  stay with it! Those voices that live in your head are louder and saying OF COURSE YOU'RE MUSCLES HURT! THE FAT AROUND THEM IS GOING DOWN AND THEY ARE FEELING MOVEMENT;  SO YEA IT'S GONNA HURT!!  So I'm going full throttle.  We shall see what happens. I just want to feel comfortable for me. I say that because everyone is comfortable at a different place, Mine is around a US size 16 or 18. It's not thin, its very plump indeed. I found some old pics in where I was a 16 or 18 and I like it, so there is my goal. Here are a few of me at that weight, the guy is my old boyfriend Chris. (He made me a woman hehe) Excuse the Fonzie teeshirt and the pale blue prom theme LOL

     I am jumping all around tonight. I am on fire tonight with my twisted thoughts! Not the naughty kind, although I have those too;  like the one where you go to your desk and SURPRISE a handsome man is there under it, and he starts to run his hands up your legs. He follows with kisses and he nuzzles at the opening, wet and wanting. Fingers find their way in, gently, then forceful, then the tongue flicks your clit, then you feel lips, soft full lips that sucks your clit into his mouth. You can not react, others will see.  UM......... Sorry l did it again. Lol, You know that song "The Wanderer ". Well that's my theme song tonight. So maybe I will stop here, yea here is good (re-reading that last desk part) yea definitely good place to stop (did I buy batteries???)  well, Ciao For Now

Finally Got Home

     Hey all , I have so much to talk about but it took almost 8.5 hours to get home. There was yet another accident that caused them to shut down I95S. Got stuck going and coming back. I want to be in NY. Can't help it, I love it there. So the real blog will be tomorrow. So for you who read everyday I offer humble apologies. I am just so very tired and I admit my shoulder and neck hurt from sitting in the same position for so long. So until tomorrow, Ciao For Now

In A New York State Of Mind

Hey all, first thing first, this. Log is coming to you from my old bedroom in NY. I am actually in bed as I am tired!! It's been a whirlwind of a visit. I spent every day this weekend with friends, be it in person, Skype, or phone.  Needy little ole me was in 7th heaven!  I had a blast, saw friends I havent seen in a very long time, skyped with my friends in England,  such a wonderful family they are! Then was invited to dinner and the meal was wonderful although if I had to pick, my vote goes to the zuchinni fritters! They were so light and delicious (all of it was really). Then I did a brunch today. My neighbour came by and brought his Yorkie with him. So cute!! I'm just collapsing after being on the go. I sorted my room out and now have a new desk and chair. Said neighbour put it together for me. They are such angels and I know they look after my dad. Although he said he is going to take my dad to a strip club!! Bwahaha
     Well that's it in a nutshell and more tomorrow . I will tell you about the trip home :-) I must. Ring back bagels as its been requested. Well it IS New York.   So until then. Ciao For Now

Short one guys more tomorrow (today)

Hey all it's not much but yay we all made it to Friday. Pat yourselves on the back. Lol. I spent the better part of the night driving. So now it's half past 4 in the am and I can't sleep! Sigh.... Since I have to get up in 4 1/2 hours to make dad breakfast and start laundry I need to sleep but I can't!!! I'm in bed and more than willing to snooze but nope, Morpheous is not l coking at my door.  Wait!! I just yawned. Ooh good sign lol. Just checking in I'll write more after breakfast. Ciao for now

Back On Track (Maybe)

     I say maybe as it's just been so crazed that I have no idea what will happen one day to the next.  Like I mentioned my car is in need of an oil change, state insoection and tire looked at. So I get there and find that they gave out all the loaner vehicles, even though I was promised one would be there for me. I was not a happy bunny as I had to leave my car with no way to get around. So he said they start coming back around 3 and we agreed that he would call me and I would go drop off my car then. So off I went to work. I  had stopped to get coffee as it was about 10:15 AM and I needed it!! lol  Spoke with a friend of mine who I hadn't really spoken too in weeks, more than I ever have gone before with not speaking to him. It was nice to chat, and I would have loved to stay on for an hour, but he was busy and since it was nothing important (other than friendly gab) we said ciao and I hope to speak with him again when he has more time.  His kids are great and I love hearing him tak about them. My frined in Maine does it too. What I mean is, you can actually hear not just love for their children coming through their voices, but also the pride they have in them. It's wonderful to hear, and the thing is they probably don't even realize it, it's just natural to them. I was a pest with a few friends today, as I felt like I was on speed, and just like when you are on it, sometime around 2:30 I crashed!!! I was in a meeting (which I'm sure didn't help) and I felt so tired, I was yawning and even felt light headed. Its gone now but I'm still yawning. Hubby is working late so I may just get him a Hero sandwich and go to sleep when I get home. 
     I want to be refreshed as tomorrow night I am driving. I will leave after work so I will get on the road around 9PM and I'm hoping to be home in NY around 1:30 in the morning. I am really looking forward to partying on "The Veranda" as its called with friends from long ago.  Bringing wine and nibbles. Plus I'm making a sugar free light cheesecake. I know it sounds horrid, but it's very good. Most everyone is watching their calories so it should work nicely. of course we all know that wine consumed on weekends have no calories  hehehe
    I am also hoping (very much) to Skype with my friend and his family from England, plus hoping to get to the vineyards also. Brunch with an old friend rounds out my weekend, he needs a friendly non partial ear I think. I feel bad for him. 
     I am also going to the gym in a day or so. My Dr. told me to wait for MRI results but I dont want to wait. I need to move it move it! LOL So perhaps gym in the morning then pick up my car, then work. Full day eh?  
     Okay now I know lots of you have missed some blogs and of course i dont expect you to read everyone you missed as some are just boring (like this one LOL) some though are interesting. Look for the longer ones as I obviously had some issue tio vent about - LOOK OUT!! hahaaha
Comments too, I love getting them, so you should be able to leave them now. I know a few months back there were issues but its all fixed.  Why do you read my blog, what do you think of it? I'd like your opinions please 
     So guys I will be back tomorrow and until then Ciao for now
    

Happy Hump Day

     Hi one and all, welcome back my friends to the show that never ends! With a nod to Emerson, Lake & Palmer lol. Isn't it a show that just keeps on going. Life is more interesting than any movie, I swear somtimes I imagine music in the background as I go about my day. I realize I have been sporadic in my posts but it's just that I have been so busy! Work is heating up and with the MRI and the hubs, well it's been interesting to say the least.
     I am lucky though, I have a job! My poor friend is working her last day today due to budget cuts. I don't know where this country is headed and it's scary to imagine.
I have not been to the gym in awhile and I feel sluggish. I was told not to go as I may be hurting myself but I can't wait to get test results so I can go back. I can eat healthy but without excersise it's a slow go! So I'm going tomorrow and I don't care what they say. I have to!!
     At least this weekend will be a good one. Headed up to NY late Thursday night and not coming back until Monday! Party on Friday night with a good group of people and Saturday spending the day with a gal pal to see what trouble we can get into. Sunday I lend my shoulder and ears to an d flame who is now going through a divorce. He needs to vent I suppose so it's Sunday brunch and sympathy!  In between that I'm re- doing my room and Ikea is delivering my stuff Friday daytime so I'm excited about that!
     My friend (daughter of another friend) Messaged me yesterday that she was back from her mini holiday. Was nice to hear from her, when we speak I am once again missing the fact that I couldn't have children. She is a sweetheart and so grown up for her age you can easy forget that she is not about 25 or so lol
     Well I am about to go bring my car to get inspected and get an oil change. Also my tire was flat last night so hoping I'm not going to need a new one.
So here's the deal. I am going to write more , I can't promise it will be good lol. Hang around guys. It's bound to get interesting at some point!! :-) so until next time. Ciao for now

It's been awhile I know

     I just have been so busy with work and life in general I just have not been motivated to write but I am back.  It happens to all of us doesn't it? Seems like all things just explode all at once and you just don't know if you are coming or going. I lost myself along the way and I can say that for the last few days I finally feel like myself again. 

     I am headed to NY to visit my dad and take a sanity mini holiday. I leave Thursday night and leave Monday mid morning. I am a little excited in that I am finally claiming my space in my NY home. I mean yes I am on the deed so technically it is my home as well as my Dad's but to me it's Dad's and Mom's home. Mom is gone a long time but I still feel her there and I love that about it. I can't explain that but I guess it's the memories. Most are wonderful and a few make me sad. But I'm focusing on positive. Dad is repainting the rooms and my bedroom is actually fine. I just need to make it mine again. I love the coming of the fall, its my favorite time of year. I will wash the floor, launder and iron the curtains and I bought a new desk and chair at Ikea that are arriving soon, that will complete the Mary cave! LOL  I have some artwork I'm hanging, I've done some, my friend did one for me (my last ink) and I have commissioned his daughter to draw me a collage. She wants to be be a designer so I asked for a dress collage. I can't wait to hang it. I will of course post pics when done.  

     Well peeps it's Saturday night and I am headed out for a little while but I will be back tomorrow night with more of what I used to do here. Just wanted to touch base to let you all know I am still here :-) So Ciao For Now

Wow Look!!! A New Blog! (finally)

    Be not afraid of greatness: Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ’em.

     Wise words sent to me by a friend, who for whatever reason listens to my crap when I need to vent, and who is a really cool guy.   I strive to be great and in a few things have achieved greatness so to speak but I'm having a hard time remembering a time that greatness was thrust on me. Maybe I just am not seeing greatness for what it is. Is it tangible or simply a feeling of total accomplishment? I wonder....your thoughts?

      See all I come back and have little right now to say. Oh I have thoughts but as it has happened I am really tired, (Ive been that way for a week or so now) so I'm off to make tea and hit the sack. I wanted to pop in so you all don't forget me :-D  There are some good longer blogs as of late and maybe you can catch up. Only 2 logged in today and hey Russia? you win! You visit me most lately  THANK YOU :-)    SO of course  now it's time for Ciao For Now

SO SO Need To Blog Right Now!!

     You know peeps sometimes you hear news and it just makes you think and I'm not even mentioning my arm which is STILL fooked and I am having an MRI done to see if I have a compression by my neck.  As you know a few weeks ago a very good friend of mine died suddenly and it hit me very very hard. Now this morning I wake up to news that a very sweet lady I knew years ago and connected again on facebook (of course) was found last night dead in her apartment in Brooklyn.  I was so surprised and shocked as from all angles she was fine. Everyone was shocked to hear this and my facebook page is blowing up with notifications of comments and memories again.  Now of course her death saddens me very much, although it's not as deeply as my friend Jimmy's did. I remember her as a sweet soul, who was always so nice to me and made me feel so welcome in the already well established group I was going into.  Yet I sit here at work with all my aches and pains and wonder about my own mortality. If these people who are in "good shape" and for all intense purposes seem to be perfectly fine die suddenly, why the hell am I still here? I mean I really wonder. Look, I have had cancer, I have a stent in an artery, borderline high sugar (which is odd since I dont eat sugar products, well not really lol) so here I am a short roly poly woman and my tests are all negative.  I had a stress test, and I aced it, my heart is fine, my BP is a bit high but thats to be expected due to my weight which my doctors and myself are hoping as I lose more weight those issues will go away. I have really only this past year been more determined than ever to get more fit. It's slow going as I have too many weak moments, I am on track as of latem but I still wonder!  Why am I here? 
     I want to believe that there is something I must still do and there is a reason I am here. I have yet to really figured it out LOL  I am sure there are those who wonder the same thing.  About me as well as themselves :-) To be blunt I don't want to die! I'm really not afraid of death as much as pain. I get these weird morbid thoughts, like in both Jimmy's and Carol cases there are tons of written memories and pictures and the stupid, only child in me wonders what would be on my page.  I think we all like to know we will be missed and I am so nervous that something is going to happen to someone I love and I would never have had the chance to tell them I love them and how much their friendship or being part of my family means to me. Even if the hubs and I are fighting when he leave for work we always exchange I love you's becasue you never know what the day has in store for you. My friends are scattered all over, and across oceans and that fear rears its head and then I over compensate. I mentioned this also in the blog I wrote when Jimmy passed away. I just love the people in my life so much and hope that I leave an impression with them that will last after I am no longer walking this earth. 

In regards to my Lammas Sabbath

     Since more than likely I will not be doing a blog tonight after my ritual, I thought I would say hello now.  I have had so many people tease me about celebrating Llamas and just want to say this to you all:

       HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
     Yes I was amused, quite amused actually. I love my friends, I really do!!! 
So have a wonderful night and catch ya all tomorrow. Ciao For Now
    

Lammas Arrives Tomorrow

     Driving home tonight I was greeted by an almost full moon,that was so clear in the sky. I had my phone so I took a pic and here it is. Wonderful view for a Lammas Eve.
     Lammas is also called Lughnasadh for the sun god Lugh in Celtic traditions. This is a harvest festival, it's tradition in the UK not to cut the wheat until the 1st of August. Now with commercial farming I doubt they still do this but it makes for a lovely picture in your mind of golden wheat fields ripe and ready. In the distance the fruit trees are heavy with ripe peaches and plums. The sky is clear blue and white clouds stripe across. You can almost see an ancient farmer with scythe in hand starting to cut down the wheat.  Nice idea right? Yes I can see how you can say it sounds like the start of an creepy horror movie but lets not go there, okay? LOL

     I was born and raised Catholic but it was not for me, I found my path years back and take comfort in the Goddess & God. It makes sense to me, the dualality (sp?) of it. And yes they fuck!! LOL A lot!! No disrespect though :-) Sex is part of life, is part of us, the earth too, all living things have sex in some form or another. This is the result of that. We now harvest what the earth has given us and also start to look forward to the days to come. The sun although still bright and very warm will start to lose a bit of its heat. Now of course I am talking about those of us in the Northern Hemisphere. I wouldn't call myself a tree hugger, but I do respect the earth and do recycle. I believe that our  surroundings, and those in them have a effect on us in some form or another. Simple way of thinking of it, how much better do you feel when you walk into a clean room, as opposed to a dirty one with dishes piled in the sink. I love to sit in the living room with a nice cup of tea and relax in a clean environment (which why my bedroom is not appealing right now). I digress, and I'm sure you got my point. Each season has it gift to offer. It's hard to feel like you can connect to the earth when you are in a city filled with big buildings and lots of people but there are parks and beaches and even in large cities there is always a place to gather that makes you forget you are there (in the city), for a short time anyway.  I remember my first Lammas. We went out to Long Island, all the way out where there are farms. We got wheat and made little wheat doilies and added them to the bags we brought that had bread I had made, corn on the cob, oatmeal cookies, fruits, chicken, mead (homemade by a friends of mine who brews it -DELICIOUS!!), plus salt, candles, cloth, cups and our other alter items.  We found a place that was off the road and in the dusky light we made our circle with salt, walking deosil to honor the sun. Called the guardians and sat, we meditated for a while then lit the candles. We held our ritual (no babies or animals harmed thank you very much) enjoyed our feast, made wishes that we would work on to come to fruition by next Sabbath, closed the circle, blew out the candles then laid in the grass and just enjoyed our company. It was great. Now I left much out on purpose, as you don't blab about what happens in a circle, please understand this. If you have questions please ask me, and I will answer you but I'm not going to post it. Everyone is different and if you google Lammas you will get so many different traditions or explanations and the reason is that although there is a basic rule of thumb, this religion (yes religion) is felt very personally. Although sad to say that many places I have seen it becoming more like the organizations of other religions. To each his or her own, I respect all views, and just ask people respect mine.

     Now a days , I am a solitary practitioner. I have no Coven, no group of any sort to celebrate with. My neighbor, who moved recently, is also pagan and we celebrated occasionally but I'm mostly a solo act these days. I would love to find a group close by, Ive looked but none near me. I find peace when I perform the rituals, although admittedly they are Readers Digest versions and mostly in my head, which is fine! I will have wheat bread and wine tomorrow. I will eat grains and fruits and be sure to go to the park at lunchtime (unless its raining as it says it might) so I can walk barefoot in the grass. I will mark the holiday, make my wishes and work towards them. Gathering what I will need as the days grow shorter and soon Autumn will be here, more harvest festivals. 

     I think this is my favorite time of year, the harvest times, August, September, October! I know you will think I'm crazy but test it for yourself. In the next few days even though the sun is shining and it may be hot out. Stand still for a moment and take a deep breath and you will be able to sense the change in the season. There is something in the air that makes you think of Autumn, it just has a different feel than it did a month ago. Go ahead and try it, I'd love to see if you can feel what I mean.

     Well haven't I just rambled on & on after being quiet for several blogs.  Trust me - more going on but I wanted to share this with you. I'm a silly old bear I know, but well, I just get excited and when I'm passionate about something I can go on and on and on and ON....hahahahaha. So I will stop it here and wish all of you a very Happy Lammas, and Ciao For Now )O(