Hmm What?

     I don't know, I feel stagnant tonight. I felt great all weekend, had a great time , ate and drank too much. Which I paid for a bit tonight with a 2lb gain. I can handle this, back on track, but I so needed to let lose. Just very tense at home. Hubs trying so hard and I know he is, but we have very different views. Most of this has nothing to do with me, yet I'm riding down this raft and hoping not to capsize.  I have faith it will be okay, but I need to know soon to gage if I need to wear heels or sneakers on the ground I will be walking on. I know my vote, but I'm being shushed.
     Okay change subject. I did the ALS ice bucket challenge and it was fun and some dear friends did it and they were great too. Great cause, it needs awareness. Check it out, donate!
     So it's a short week for me and of course that meant work was crazy. I'm so looking forward to the 4 day weekend, meeting some friends Saturday for brunch then who knows. Maybe a really long drive with loud music playing. Yeah that sounds good.....I'm out. Can't think of anything worth writing so I'll spare you any more banal comments. Until next time, ciao for now.

Look On The Bright Side Of Life

      Well peeps, I get home tonight and hubs tells me some not great news. Not to go into it and not to get too boring, I will just say that something we were counting on has a chance of not happening. This will put a lot of stress on us and for a little while. (Thank heavens for friends, and the beach and friends who are going with you to the beach 😀) The beach enhances my clarity, it soothes me and helps me think. Something about watching the waves.  Well I had to put on a brave face. I know hubs is feeling very shitty, as all this would have not been an issue if he had done certain things sooner. I know he regrets his tardiness and regrets the strain it's causing even and I type this. As for me, I am not going to taunt or say I told you so. It's really not how I am. Plus it would not help. Now is a time to be a team, working together to get answers. There are some possibilities we can explore. We've already started a few. I am trying to be strong and not buckle. My bridges might have to be postponed but I can deal with that. They still may happen, we shall see. Not important right now.
     On this track, I saw a video tonight. It was an ALS ice bucket challenge but no bucket and no ice. The young man who made it, has ALS. As does his mother. It was heartbreaking, I felt the tears on my cheeks. It put things in perspective. I've got some snags right now, but I'm basically healthy, fat, but healthy. Be an adult, square my shoulders, deep breath, and soldier on. In comparison to many, the world is my oyster.  So peeps, be well. I will say good night and as always, ciao for now.

Not What I was Hoping.

     Okay one quick mention just because I'm frustrated. I was with my trainer tonight' and I weighed in and I lost a whopping 2lbs., not a happy bunny this week. I was hoping for more. I'm getting greedy now. I will admit - I think I really need a good poo. Yep I said it. I'm trying but I'm still hoping. Lmfao. I'm so feminine sometimes, but it would help.
     Not much going on, I'm going to try and figure out my eating plan for next week, as I'm headed to NY. Staying close to dad's but I will be cooking for the next week. This should be great. Let me tell you how this will go down. Dad will follow me around the kitchen like a lost puppy. He will want to help somehow, so I will ask him to get a few pits and pans for me. Thus gives him such joy. I shake my head but it's cute in it's own way. What he doesn't realize is that I'm cooking for him too. I plan on making some cottage pies for him and if I can find ground lamb then I can call them Shepards Pie. I probably will go to the bakery and get him some apple turnovers. He loves them. So that's it peeps. Oh the exciting life I lead. Lmao.  So until next time I say yet again. Ciao For Now

Well I Promised

     I said I would update you about once a month or so. This is the day. I am going to be honest. But first the weekend.
     Hubs and I stayed at a hotel, hubs has gotten into this weird habit. It started when we had issues with our water heater, this past winter. He rather likes staying in the hotel for the weekend. We have several by us that are like actual little apartments, complete with full kitchens so I don't mind. I think staying in the house all day is getting to him.
      I have started doing my cards again. I took a watercolor class as I mentioned in my last blog. So it re-awakened my crafting wants so to speak. Well I was at Michaels craft store looking through the artists section and this woman came over and started talking with me. She was very sweet, we spoke about acrylics vs. oils. I told her I had not used oils but I do know about different mediums and I mentioned that should she decide to go that way she I will have to seal the painting. She had no idea and then said she will go with acrylics.  Lol. It was nice chatting with her.
     Okay onto weight. Well I am spot on in my quest to lose 60 in 6. I have to tell you though, it's fucking hard. I have weak moments I won't lie. I mean I get moments when I would kill for pizza. But it's my own doing. I've been lazy, I can't be. I've been eating healthy, cooking healthy, going to the gym. Measure my food, have basically given up carbs for now, and don't drink dairy anymore. If I do it's almond milk. I also have not had any hard alcohol. I miss rum. Lol I do feel better but it gets frustrating sometimes. I feel I don't loom any different, how the fuck much do I have to lose to feel accomplished in even the smallest way. I want to be fit for my trip, I don't want to be standing in Buckingham Palace and see if the Queen has an extra throne I can sit on as I'm out of breath and tired. FUCK!!  A small part of me doesn't want to embarrass my friend either. I know he would be the first one to say that's just stupid on every level, but it's a feeling. I guess until snickers from teens I walk past stop, it will always be a small part of me that gets nervous. I'm confident in myself. I have a lot to offer. I know, of course non of these people will care, they are lovely. It's totally on my shoulders. God this is so hard. Sometimes I find myself crying, a little angry at myself, for not doing it sooner, it's not like I wasn't planning on traveling. Hell even before that, I'm not stupid, but damn can't I be that way .
      So at least right now I am on the right track. Today was a hard day, I went to target and actually put a box of pop tarts in my cart. Planning on just one then throw the rest away. I ended up putting it back after arguing with myself. Enough of just one, and plus I want to enjoy my trip, I will be eating there and yes drinking! I am allowing this because when I get back it's back on track until I get into a size 14. By no way, thin, but lots thinner than I am now, and hopefully more fit, although I'm sure that will happen. So yeah, I did the right thing. There are going to be days like this again, I know. I'm determined and like everything else, if you want something you have to work towards it.
      Work is not helping, I want to strangle some of the callers sometimes. The stress of thinking it will only be my salary for a little while scares the shit out of me. I try every day to just do what needs to be done. Same as everyone else, nothing special, but like I said it's frustrating sometimes. So to sum up. I'm doing well on the weight. In 2 months I've lost 24.3 pounds. Yay, on the right track. So until next month or so I will now shut up about my weight on here.
       I am going to go give myself a facial and get ready for work tomorrow. As always peeps, ciao for now and thank you.

Art For Arts Sake

     It's been awhile since I picked up my art supplies. I am not sure why. I love to create, but with my really centering my mind on getting fit (which IS working although I doubt myself) I haven't gone near them. Well the other night I took a watercolor class and it re-awakened my creative side. This was a cool class. We all know watercolor pencils, pots, and crayons, but these were highly pigmented pieces of paper. I have never seen these. They are called Peerless watercolors. The company is over a century old. They are so vibrant and they blend well too.  I had a lot of fun. Of course I ordered the entire set, which was quite inexpensive considering you get 60 colors. I am planing to make swatches of all the colors this weekend and a few cars too. That is if the order gets to the store by Saturday. Lol I know it's silly but I'm excited to make some Halloween cards to send out.
     Really not much new here, same old boring me. Work and home, with the gym visits thrown in. Of course the usual hair color, nails, and the afore mentioned craft store purchase. I've also been reading quite a bit. I finished one book and am halfway through another. On a friends recommendation I have 2 Bill Bryson books ready to go. It was raining the other night and it was so great just to curl up in a chair and read. Pot of tea keeping me company.  How quaint, lmao.
     So thanks for reading and next week I'll have some stats as I promised about once a month I would mention my wright so I will check in with my scale and let the chips fly where they may. So until next time, ciao for now.

I Feel Like I Lost A Friend

     Last night the news broke. Robin Williams has died. OMFG! What did you say? No way, really?  Yes it was really. I felt terrible, I actually shed some tears. I loved this mans works. My friend put a post on Facebook about the time she & I saw him perform live at The Met, at Lincoln Center in NYC. Oh what a show. We had box seats, Sean Penn and Madonna were in the audience that night. It was a fabulous night. I laughed so hard I thought I would crack a rib. We actually had to buy the VHS  tape ( yes kiddies it was a long time back) to hear the jokes we missed. His movies brought me laughter and tears. From Awakenings, to Patch Adams, to Dead Poets Society (a personal fav) to Mrs. Doubtfire. And of course The Birdcage , fosse fosse fosse, twyla, twyla, , lmao. I think he had an amazing sense of timing, he could deliver a line that would give you a chill it was so intense and the next moment have tears of laughter running down your face. The Fischer King, was like that, so wasPatch  Adams. Did you know that Disney actually drew the movie stills around him for Aladdin? At least 75 or 80% of the genie scenes were all ad lib from Robin. An incredible ability to just create off the cuff, and make it take form and shape into something so entertaining.  Yes I feel like I lost a friend because he was so human. In Peter Pan, which is a movie I kind of feel sorry for the make up people who had to wax him smooth (hairy bastard but that's sexy anyway), anyway, he became childlike, he was Armond in The Birdcage. I saw him on the show Inside The Actors Studio, and he spoke about becoming the part he was playing, to be able to stand behind yourself and allow yourself to be free.  Yet behind this loud loveable person, was a man who was sensitive. Did you know that he was great friends with Christopher Reeve, and actually paid many of his hospital bills when he had the horse riding accident? That he paid for a young girls tuition to Juliard School in NYC? Incredible right. And yet in his mind he couldn't free himself from demons that overtook him. Drugs, alcohol, he could not control. He admitted he had these problems, and admitted to depression also.  But all his fame, all the people he touched, who loved him, he could not take it anymore. The man who wore the clown mask was not able to smile. Until it got too much and he ended it by hanging himself. Does this mean anything special, why not an overdose? I can't imagine it was pleasant, perhaps he didn't think he deserved to just pass out and not wake up. Maybe this was a message to his family that he knew he was causing pain by committing suicide so he had to punish himself too?  We will never know.
I will miss that friend I never met, I hope he is now at peace, his mind at ease, his troubles lifted. Rest In Peace Robin, or should I say, Captain My Captain.

It Still Is A World Of Wonder

     Maybe I will sound daft, perhaps someone will call the men in the white jackets to come get me. But tonight I went outside. There is a brilliant full moon in the sky. I was wearing only this lounge dress, it's decent, should anyone have seen me. But I had not a stitch on underneath and there was this breeze that surprised me. It was very hot today so it felt delicious as it went through my hair and around my legs and bare feet. The sounds of the night were everywhere. Crickets, tree frogs, and assorted local fauna, all were very vocal. Making it feel like I was out in the county, instead of what I have come to call "Occupied  Virginia"  Close enough to DC and travel, yet only about an hour away from kind of county. Two hours and you're there. I know it sounds stupid, but I had a shit eating grin on my face as I looked up at the sky, the moon, beautiful in her fullness, but the clouds were a very thin layer that stretched out like a fine gauze, off to the side of her. You could see way beyond, and way up. I started to cry, I actually fucking felt the tears come down. The whole thing took my breath away. Now I've seen many a full moon, and it always fills me with awe, but for some reason tonight was more like a slap in the face shocking me into reality. All of a sudden I felt very small, and very powerful at the same time.  I felt like she was telling me I'm okay. I needed this. Funny I was just telling someone today how I felt at odds with myself. I got an honest answer, which I knew I would and appreciate more than words can say. But this feeling tonight kind of felt like the cherry on the sundae so to speak. Sorry, but being fat I often use food references. 😂 LOL  I've been trying so hard, trying to do what's right and tonight I felt her wrap her arms around me and tell me I will be okay. I felt calm. I haven't felt calm in months. Oh fuck, there are those damn tears again. My friend was right - I AM a soppy sausage.  I know the path I am following is right and true. I will continue.
    So crazy lady signing off now. I will say as I always do. Ciao For Now.

Someone get Me Some Sandpaper I Feel Rough

    LOL  Meaning I feel icky poops! Woke up this morning , took a shower hoping to feel better and then came to realize it wasn't going to happen. Lots on my mind and the feeling that came over me was akin to the spastic colitis I had as a young one. Of course mine would be spastic, LMAO    But I do notice when I have nerves or lots of concerns, that I get this issue. I don't know what to call it. But it sucks. I came into work though as there are things that I had to get done. We are now supporting our Canadian employees and I have to make sure all my log ins re correct so I can help them should they call us. So here I am at work. On the plus side I'm sure I've lost about 2 pounds today  LMAO
     I am trying to find something nice to do for our labor Day hols coming up end of this month. Hubs thought Lancaster PA again ans although I love it there, I will be too tempted by the amazing food they have there. I'm not weak willed but I do have my moments. although lately I have been stubborn about my journey to fitness.  I would like to go somewhere though. I'm thinking someplace kind of backwoods good ole boy "ish"  Like West VA or Tennessee and go antiquing and just exploring old confederate places.  Could be fun and its history so it should be interesting as well. One reason I enjoyed when I went to Williamsburg VA . Lots of great places to visit and learned lots of American history. Of course the war didn't interest me as much as the way the colonists lived. Their homes, how they cooked, and what they cooked. That is what I find interesting.  As far as being independent from England, it always reminded me of a teenager who fought against his parents for freedom. Of course people died and that is tragic, but it was basically just like that.  Personally, I would have no problem with a Queen, I've know so many in my past. BWAHAHAHA
     Well it seems that I have survived the day as it's almost 6PM and time to go. I am actually going to get my hair done. I still have not eaten anything except for 6 cherries.  Not hungry, but maybe tonight. Oh well, until next time peeps, Ciao For Now 

Oh What A Night

     Let's go back to Friday, Lammas night celebration. It was fun, a frenzy of silks, drumming, and candle workings. The lady hosting had a gorgeous alter cloth, it was deep red, and she added some golds and yellows to it. Made for a cloth fire right there on the table. Her statues were nice too, and I found where she got them, had to ask. Well it only lasted about 2 hours but in that two hours, we thanked the God Lugh, gave thanks for the start of the harvest, for the season coming up. Soon it will be the autumnal equinox, as a matter of fact, if you really pay attention, you can feel it. The change in the air. I brought my bodhran (Irish drum), played it clumsily as I always do, but it's fun and after wine, it can sound in sync with the others. LMAO I enjoy celebrating in a group, this was an invite from my old neighbor, I really appreciated it. Was nice to chant, and go through the rites with others. I am usually a solitary practitioner, so it was a change. Different from my own workings but the core was the same. I hope to do it again sometime.
     So Saturday came, woke up early and did my usual shopping. Did a bit of farmers market shopping, enjoyed it. Got to see a turkey egg for the first time, and the turkey that laid it. Lol walked around, bought a few items. Love summer for this reason. The zucchini ( or courgettes as some call them) are plentiful. I really enjoy squash in most forms. Made an awesome diced tomato relish, with roasted garlic. Yum, love garlic. Hehe. Washed my car, and man did it need it. Oh speaking of my car.  I am finding my current way of driving as of late is with my left leg bent at the knee, like I'm in a chair. Lol knee bent. That's a new one for me. Love my Tink.
     Not much else, except Sunday, cooked some awesome roasts, yes 2 of them, and chicken tenders also. Have meals for the next two weeks. Hahaha. Love doing that. Getting inventive with my cooking and my bland palette has been adding more and more heat to my meals. Before long I may have to try a spicy curry. In due time of course. 😀
     So here we are Monday night. Ugh getting up this morning was hard, but I got in. I need a vaca but saving for November. At least we are now closed on the 29th of August. I can't believe in a short time it will be Labor Day. School starting again. Seems faster every year.   Spoke to a lovely woman today, and we got on the topic of tea and scones. I know......of all things right? I've been feeling like I need to bake soon, I like making scones. They are easy and yummy. I was on Pinterest today and downloaded some amazing scone recipes. Can't wait to make so e to bring in to work. I bake well. I don't skimp. Real farm fresh butter, organic milk, only the best, especially when I cook or bake for others. I must tell you peeps, I am enjoying life lately. I'm fairly well sorted, and happy. I can finally see a clear picture in my head of the goal. I will get there and who knows, might be even better than I imagined. 😎.  So I'm signing off and until next time. Ciao For Now.
   

WOW!! It's Lammas.

     Walked into a fookin hurricane at work. So crazy busy, I'm actually writing this in the toilet as it's my only break all morning. No I'm not using it! Eww LMAO there is a small sofa in here. Just vegging for a few moments to clear my head   It's the weekend so time to regroup at least.  Hope everyone has a wonderful few days off.
     It Lammas for us pagans and I am going to a festival gathering of sorts tonight so will tell you about it next we meet. Brightest start of autumn blessings. Ciao Fir Now