Tomorrow is Hallloween

     Well I was going to get dressed up as Mrs. Claus but I've been fending off the creeping grunge that has many in the office calling out. So I think I'm just going to wear my argyle dress and boots, go as a  customer service rep. Lol plus I'm working overtime 8am to 6 pm. Long day. OMG peeps the natives are getting restless. This guy gets all angry because he can't get in to the website. I reset his password and he is like I need to get this done because I'm leaving tomorrow. I say - well you have until Friday. His reply - I won't have a computer. So I casually say, yes a bit catty tone, that this opened 2 weeks ago. He says I was on vacation. Not that he had about a months notice of when this would happen. I said well it has to be done online by Friday at 11:59pm  or he is bound to what's in there. Tough titties mister. I swear you want to reach through the phone so engines and strangle them, bless. Lol
     I am having a cup go hot apple spice hot cider, sugar free of course. I know boys and girls, I am a wild child. 😀 well you know I am. I just got a really pretty dark emerald green and black lace corset. It's laced in the back and zipper up front.  I tried it on and I need to lies about 15 pounds to have it fit perfectly. I can just get it zipped with the ties very open but breathing is hard to do.  Lmao I want the laced up to be closer and be able to breath. It comes with a g string or eye patch as I call it. It's really so much prettier than the photo of it. I got it on Facebook in a group called fattoo!  I've gotten a few things there. I bought a very nice tunic but it looked so much longer in the photo. I have to find just the right skirt for it. I also need to find a reason to wear the corset. 😜. I like dressing sexy and trust me when I tell you as I lose more weight I will be buying more interesting items. Love fishnets under a skirt or dress. Pretty materials that have a nice feel and just "flow" heels baby I'm getting used to them again. Hehe. Okay I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm a work in progress. Stay tuned.
     There's a video going around Facebook I found interesting. I shows a girl, attractive enough, but nothing that is above average and then they take a photo and it gets photoshopped. The trim her belly (which in not large) enhance her boobs, elongate her neck, make her eyes bigger, lighten her hair, change her skin tone. Then do a side by side. Before and after. It really makes you realize what beauty is. They take a very nice looking woman and "Barbie " her. I don't feel bad after seeing that. Yes gravity has taken hold of the boo age area more than I'd like to say, but I don't have too many wrinkles and I can do my make up well. I'm no model but I do okay and no one thinks I'm the age I am. Even tonight one of the girls told me how old she thought I was and she took almost 20 years off me. Wow!!
     I can't wait to see what costumes show up at work. I've been good as I went shopping and bought grill chicken strips, salad, balsamic dressing. Also yogurt and fruit so I know I won't be eating the pizza and hero sandwiches that will be bought for the group as we barely will have enough time to wee. Well peeps this exciting wild child (hehe) is going to bed. My hot beverage had been consumed and I'm feeling snoozy. So I will say ciao for now 😀

Yes a new post - woo hoo

     It's been a hellish few weeks. Open enrollment and fighting a cold that seems to enjoy lying in wait for an attack. It tries in a few headaches, series of sneezes but so far I am winning. Yay lol
I have been on an emotional roller coaster. It's been mainly good, a few lies creeping in just to keep me in check, but on the whole I am happy. Oh man speaking of happy. Let me tell a tale. I was in a druggist parking lot and thus man in a pick up truck decided to yell out to me. Care to guess his remark. Well I can tell you it included the words fat bitch. Now it's obvious I'm fat, but bitch? I have my moments and I am female if using the canine equivalent, but let's just agree he was just trying to hurt me. It did hurt a bit, but not for the reason you may think. A year or so ago it would have wounded me deep, but it did no more than irk me this time. See, what bugs me is that what you can't see is that I have lost 56 pounds, that's a lot. That's a young child for Christ sake. He does not know this and yes, to look at me I am quite fat. But I am also stronger than I was. Thanks to those who stood by me, encouraged me and believed in me, and helped me realize that I am as sexy, love able and worth as much as anyone! I am and I posted a picture of me on Facebook in a pretty argyle dress that I recently got. OMG it got over 55 likes and so many comments. I really wasn't fishing for them, but reading them had me getting weepy. So many sweet words and comments. From people I wouldn't have expected. I was humbled, so very humbled. It helped me gain even more tenacity, more drive than ever. I want to do myself proud. I want to do this for me of course first and foremost, for my health as I personally believe beauty is not a size. But also for those who love me as I want to be around a long time.
      I am no one to pontificate anything on weight loss. Everyone to themselves and if you are happy and feel good, well then, good! Happy that the word that is probably number two on my favorite word list. Believe of course is number one. I do believe. I have to, as my goal is to lose at least ten pounds a month starting on Nov. 1.
      Ooh the last two days, lol. My dear friends daughter, also my friend, turned 13 on Saturday. Beautiful girl. I face timed with her and then, I went to start my car and it wouldn't start. Really !? Lol oh man it was early morning and I had no choice as I was freezing. I called the hubs and woke him up. Oh joy. He came and got me. I walked to Starbucks to go to the bathroom, and he bought jumper cables. My car finally started and now thinking on it I may have had my lights on the entire time. I didn't think I did but today I thought and yes, I probably did. Oh dumb bunny me. Lol. I got to the gym  and came home to a great dinner. Had rooks though.  I weighed myself as I felt so bloated but when I got on the scale I did not gain anything from 2 days ago. Yay. 😊 I've noticed when I force myself to get on the scale it usually is okay. Lol
     So tomorrow starts the final week of open enrollment. It's also Halloween on Thursday. I'll post pics end of week. Lol she not telling my costume. You will see. I'm going to sign off now as I've been wordy and a bit self absorbed so I say good night peeps. Ciao for now.

A Chill But Great Weekend!

     I'm really sleepy peeps so in a nutshell.  Got to Dads, made good time, had a cuppa with him, bed. Made breakfast next morning, did laundry, showered, met friends for lunch, spilled water all over me, went to get pizza. Then great FaceTime with the lovelies in England, OMG it was outrageous, I LOVED IT!
     Had light breakfast with Dad today, then brunch with some of the girls, great time, nice place. Will post pics tomorrow. 5 hour drive back, had some food. Watched videos , now going to bed.
      So there is the reader's digest version of my weekend. Sorry but my pillow is calling. Which is why no pics tonight! So until tomorrow, Ciao For Now.

Harvest Moon Drive

     Well I am in NY and writing this on my phone as Dad is easing his way into the new millennia with the additional digital channels on his cable service. So no internet at Eds lol
     The harvest moon was shining as I drove up the east coast , it was a very smooth swift trip up. The only hiccup was what looked to be a bad accident that was just a bit before my exit  so I was able to get off one stop before and just went the other way round. It was no biggie. Made it in 4.5 hours including stopping for fuel and to wee.
     I was listening to some new music that I am getting very hooked on. As the miles went on I was playing and replaying a cd I downloaded. I also had a few standby ones, I mean it was a 4 hour + trip. In a great mood. I had put a pic on my Facebook page of a pup that needed to be adopted. She was abused and used as a bait dog for dog fighting. She is fully healed but had a few scars. So sweet looking and my heart went out to her. Long story short - I put her story on my page for my NY peeps but a former co worker I'm friendly with is trying to adopt her. She's been looking for a dog. Fate perhaps was working its wonders and I feel good that I may have had a hand getting this fog a forever home. She's a good person and I think it would be a good fit.
     I also was thinking of all the things my dearest friends have done for me. Opened their homes to me, bought things for me that they thought I would like, treated me out to dinner, spent their money on me!! ME! Lol what did I ever do to deserve these wonderful people in my life? The Goddess had been very good to me by blessing me with these very special people. I live them all. Also I have a dad , who at almost 86, is going strong. Walks everywhere, goes to the city, able to take care if himself and even has a lady friend. That last part I tease him about but I'm glad he had someone to share things. He also had his great neighbors. Yes I am veryucky and very thankful
I was going to write more but it's 2am and I eNt to go to snooze so I will say ciao for now

I Am Scared. I Am Happy.

     I am very happy. I am going to be a full time working individual by December 1!! Yay. I love being at work, I feel productive. I feel needed.
     I am afraid of being stupid and doing things I shouldn't and the more I try not to do these things, I feel I tend to do them.   I feel good and yet I still feel a bit lost. I feel conversations should have kept going, I should have been more concise with my replies. I often wonder if what I say is understood. I just want to be all I can be for those I care about. I know I know, I'm overthinking again. Bad Mary shut the fuck up.
     Ah peeps, I really need this weekend. I need to get away, to reconnect with me. I like the new me. I'm looking good, well I think I am -lol. I feel better than I have in a long time and why yes I like getting looked at as I drive by some cars, lol - I just want it all at one time. Not too much to ask eh? Hehe 😉😜. Ciao for now - a big blog tomorrow when I get to dad's tomorrow - keep an eye out 😀

Much Better Day

Today was so busy at work but it was a good one. Helped my manager by calling employees back to let them know there computer errors were fixed. Not anything big but my manager really appreciates it and that makes me happy. Eating was good, went to the gym tonight. I wore my Up bracelet but it didn't seem to record the majority of my workout, and I see the 15 minutes on the treadmill. I did the circuit minus the leg press as some chick was using it. I'm wondering now if it will track my bike riding too? My friend has one so I have asked him. Waiting to hear what he says. At least I know I went.
     Last night I watched The Heat, it was good and I know there will be a The Heat 2, was set up that way. Was a nice to just chill and watch a movie. I need to get ready for NY. I'm leaving Friday night to spend some time with Dad and friends. Think I'm going to bake my dad an apple pie. I haven't made pie dough in awhile and I have a new recipe I want to try out. I love to bake. I love making pies and scones. I used to make different scones every Sunday for breakfast. I made cinnamon spice with raisins, orange, blueberry, all kinds. But too many scones made too much me. Maybe I'll make a pumpkin pie & brioche too. 🍰🍞
      Okay slow day as far as me. Some interesting stuff coming I think, keep an eye here. So as always I will say, ciao for now.

Just thoughts

I'm not in a good mood tonight. I've had a major headache since around 4:30 this afternoon. It's not my main issue, but I'm irritated. It's like a grain of sand in your shoe. You really can't see it but you feel it, rubbing at your heel. It didn't help that my last phone call today was a very rude woman, her name makes everyone cringe. As soon as I saw it was her, I was ready and I wasn't disappointed. She started right away. She was mad at the benefit carrier, and she started to yell at me. I said to her, "ma'am why are you yelling at me? She said okay okay. I said, I'm tying to help you, it ended with me doing a ticket for her but we are at the point where they want to ban her from the hr help desk. Then I go to Target, I park, come out and a car is next to me And it's about 5" into my spot! Really, selfish prick. At least I get home to relax, watched a movie. I just have to move. It was easier when I wasn't working but at least I'm eating better and yes I did lose 3.6 pounds since my last weigh in. Woohoo! 

     I just have lots of thoughts in my head. I just need to gather my thoughts. I'm good though and will only get better.  I just feel an emptiness in my home. It's just a void that I try to fill, but it doesn't. I am not about to burden friends with an oh woe is me. Because I have so fucking much, but sometimes it's not things we need. It's conversation. It's intersection. It's not being in the same room yet being alone. Oh I will get through it, I should be used to it. I sit and think and then overthink. I'm not stimulated, in more ways than one. Ah it's not as bad as I'm making it sound, it's no ones fault, maybe it's mine, I don't know anymore. So I'm going to sleep, I'm concentrating on things I enjoy and people I have fun with. Places I want to go. I will think of all these things, smile and feel blessed for knowing great people and for what I have. Goodnight peeps, ciao for now 

And So It Starts.....

.......open enrollment that is. The day seemed like a snowball being rolled along a hilltop. It went along smoothly but as it got closer to the edge is slide over and started gaining speed and going faster and growing. Thing is, it's only just starting. It's going to be one fucking huge snowball when it's done. Lol on November 1st herself will start her day at noon, and work up to midnight. Then it over!! Until the following week we get the calls like oh I had no idea it was over. Um, yeah.....NO! Lol
      You want to hear something funny? Yeah so would I. Lol I still have tummy issues and I'm feeling like a slug. I have to get to the gym this week. It's been a few days now and I feel weighted down. I weigh the same I did two weeks ago. I don't like this. I hate to plateau and the worse is that with my Up I see how little in the course of a day I walk. I should be doing about 10k a day at least. I drive to work, to my works parking lot. Into the office where I sit all day? I must go tomorrow and walk, it's not a choice. I am going directly after work. Was going tonight but I got physically sick when I got home. Bad time to get a bug. I can't not go to work. I may cancel my NY trip this weekend though. Go the weekend after. I want to go to visit my moms grave too. She'll be gone 16 years on the 29th of October. I have often gotten ill around Pagan holy days. Big one coming up. Must get better, and moving my sexy big arse will help me. I am going to bed early tonight. If I'm up early enough, well, I'll know more tomorrow. Will let you in on it then.  
      I touched on it, so I'll tell you. Next holiday is Samhain (Sow-en). It's more well known as Halloween. Although I don't celebrate on the 31st of October. Many do, but I use a more celestial way. I celebrate this day when sun enters 15degrees of Saturn. Either way, it's a time when the veil between the worlds is at it's thinnest. That's where dressing as ghosts and ghouls started. Thus way the real ones didn't try to take you with them to the other side. It's a time to honor our loved ones who have past on. I light a candle, to light my path. To communicate actually. Funny thing is I know my mother has moved on, one day I'll explain. But we leave an essence of ourselves that lingers and on this night we connect with it.  Don't I just go all over the place, hello my name is Mary and I love tangents.   I love my pillow too and I'm going to embrace her fully right now. So I will say ciao for now.

Another Year Older, We'll See About The Wiser

     So yes, happy birthday to me. As we celebrate the years we live, we are supposed to gain the wisdom of the ages. I am indeed smarter in many ways, but sometimes I often can relate to the phrase in the song by Don Henley. " The more I know the less I understand" it makes sense to me know.  Things happen and I tend to overthink. I do so well, then for some reason I backtrack. I had a conversation with a friend (briefly) on this. I had had the same conversation with myself earlier that day. I mentally slapped my head, to knock the sense back in.
      I realize people are going to do what they will, nothing I can do or have any right to try and sway. Thing is if they were any different I wouldn't feel the way I do about them. I love my friends just as they are. And I love them even more for staying my friends despite the way I am.
       I have to admit that this past Saturday, although not the day we planned, went well. We got up, showered and went out for breakfast. We went to a place called Cracker Barrel. It's a very cool place as the entire front is a cool old fashioned store, with old time candies and lotions. Plus of course cool toys and gadgets. They already had Christmas stuff up which took me by surprise, it IS October only. But found some cute things for Halloween. The food is pioneer family food. Lots of ham, sausage, bacon sides with eggs, grits and fried apples and don't forget the biscuits and sausage gravy. I mean buttermilk style soft scones not biscuits as in sweets. I ordered a sunrise sampler (2 eggs) with a side of turkey bacon. When they brought it to the table it also included were side orders of these grits, biscuits, fried apples, and a cheesy hash brown casserole side.  I ate one biscuit, there were 2, the eggs, 1 slice of bacon, spoon of apples, half the grits and ashamed to admit it but the whole side of hash browns. They were good. Lol but damn if I'm not paying for it today. Dinner was salmon, quite healthy with a salad but then there was the pumpkin creme brûlée (which they put a candle in for my birthday) so as I waddled home at the end of the night I was beyond full. I even got a free bottle of beer (for my birthday) from the guy at the wine and beer shop. So today I have eaten very little. Tummy not happy with me, I don't blame it. Lmao. Tomorrow us back to the gym.
      Oh speaking of the gym, I went Saturday and after my shower I forgot to put my wrist monitor on so of course I did not track my moves.  Tomorrow I will remember!
      I also had a bit of an issue with a friend who I have known for years, been through so much with. Talked all night with, laughed, cried and supported, yet I heard nothing from him to say Happy Birthday. I was hurt, I admit it. He texted me today and wished me a happy day saying he had no internet for any length if time. All good. But his hubby was on Facebook, several times. They go on outings together so I'm I'm a bit curious, but will speak to him as it's too much for texting. Ah I'm being petty I guess. Especially considering my old roommates whom I lived with for ten years didn't comment either. It's just me, I comment on everything. Lol but that's me, not everyone. See overthink!!! I'm weird just leave it at that, BUT,  I mean well in things.
       So there will be more but I'm getting up at 5 so I'm going to sleep. So ciao for now. 😄😄

Who Am I?

     I have no answer to that question. I am me, I am a short blonde round chick, who loves too hard, get jealous too easily, laughs too loud, cries at the drop of a hat and wants to do everything I can for those I love. This often puts me in a weird light. I says things before thinking, I seem so nosy but  I  doesn't mean to. I ask questions that perhaps I shouldn't but it's because I want to feel connected. I realize too late that I don't need to know everything. It's meant as harmless and I so hope those I love realize this. Especially when they have helped me grow strong, made me realize I am complete, I am sexy, I am worth being with. God love them! 

     I am home right now, watched some TV, and enjoying tea that came from dear friends. I'm looking at two lip balms from another dear friend, I am a lucky biatch. Lol I'm just enjoying the cooler weather that finally arrived tonight. I was in a fog all day today. Kind of on auto pilot. I don't know, maybe it's because my birthday is coming up. I'm looking forward in a way. Actually I'm looking forward to 2014. I feel it's going to be an interesting year. So just popping in, jotting down thoughts in my head, as usual disjointed thoughts, but thoughts. Lmao. So until next time Ciao For Now.