Let's Get Real For Several Moments

Okay this weight thing has really taken a nose dive since my Dad moved in. He has to have a sweet every night, I don't want him eating crap so I bake. It's here and I eat it. I'm so stressed out that I don't care. I'm just now re-starting to somewhat care a miniscule amount. Let me be fully Frank. I love my father with all my heart, and I don't want him anywhere but with me. But in doing so I've lost me! I was getting a bit stagnant but now, I'm downright petrified. Metaphorically and literally. I miss human interaction, nothing new happens anymore. I miss work, different things happening each day. I don't care sometimes if I forget to take a shower, no one sees me. Going to the grocery c store for a few hours is like a fucking vacation. Maybe if I had had children I'd be better at this. I make no contribution to the day. Hubs goes to work at least, gets out.  I know I'm lucky that my dad needs minimal care, we're not at adukt diapers yet and he is still decently active. But every day I notice tiny things. He's getting forgetful, not his usual, this is more short-term. I have been reading online blogs to see what I should look for. He can barely see, he needs to see a spdcspecia we've been told but he's stubborn and refuses to get any surgery even if it helps him . My day is this, take hubby to work, get home make coffee, call dad, prepare breakfadt. He's a good eater luckily. Do the dishes or add them to prior nights dishwasher if not run already. Then straighten up the house. Laundry if need be. He wants me to stay near him, get him more coffee. He hates being alone so I sit with him but he doesn't know what to talk about. We talk about the NY Yankees and he will ask every day are there bills or do I need to go to the bank. Then he wants to know our bills. I keep explaining he has only 2 bills and I pay them online. He's like what about electric, etc. I tell him he doesn't have those bills anymore. Then an hour goes by and he'll ask again. I get it , not only forgetfulness but boredom as well.  Boy do I get it .I do my best to create conversations. We do walk, then he stays out a little while.
I make lunch, he eats the same thing, dinner I have to think of what he can chew. I make food for him which has carbs. I never met a carb I didn't like so I eat that too.
I'm venting so go ahead and go if you want, I'm on a roll .ha another carb. Lol
I just feel like I should do more, I just don't know what! I need a haircut, I need to moisturize.
At least the house is sold but before that I need some extra cash and I have no idea how to get it. I stopped wirwork to take care of Dad. We have an apt that brings up very little throw away cash. November can't cone cone enough, I'm getting physically sick due to stress and worry. I feel very alone. Stupid I know but I can't think of any night within the last month I haven't cried before going to bed. For someone who didn't look their age I now look 10x worse.
I hate when he talks about his death benefits, I don't want to think about it. I'm very aware of it. I get short tempered and instantly feel bad.
I'm a fucking mess, and I know my friends think of me but I'm not fun right now. I hope to be again. I'm so stressed I really don't know what to do. I feel stupid and selfish I know there are people way worse off than myself but I feel those tears come at night. I love him so much I don't want him to want for anything. I'm very lucky that my husband is there he tries to comfort me, give me time alone on the weekends. I adore him for it.
I'm fucked up right now, I need to find my way back. I will, but when at what cost. Unless you've experienced it this makes no sense but I needed to vent.
Ciao for now