I'm just drained.

 Busy day, not much going on. Forgot my wallet at home - brilliant I know. Lol I'll be back in a few days peeps. Headed to NY this weekend. I'll be back Sunday night , so have funky weekend
Ciao For Now. :-)

17 Years

     Yep, it was 17 years ago today that my Mother died. Yes I'm sad, I'm weepy but I'm also happy. Happy that I had such a wonderful woman to call Mom. It's quiet in the house this early morning (1:24am to be exact). I am alone with my thoughts of her.  Like a blanket they warm me, but from the inside out. So I guess it's not really like a blanket. More like a hot flash! Maybe it is an actual hot flash, OMG!  Getting backto Mom. She was one hell of a woman boy! I tell ya, she spoke her mind. Never worried what others thought of her, and also never cared if she had lots of friends. Mainly because she knew she had the right ones. She always taught me to be nice to everyone but it was better to have a small circle of true friends, than have an address book of Christmas card friends. Took me awhile, into my mid  20's to realize what she meant. So true. I got hurt a lot back then. I gave so much and was surprised I didn't get the same back. I'm smarter now. My friends are the ones I trust. It's a handful, no where near what it once was. Oh I'm still nice to people, I genuinely like people, but my trust is given to special people. I think they know who they are. You all should, you're the ones I annoy all the time. LMAO
     Mom and I loved houses. Looking at them, decorating them in our heads. To this day when I look at a house or apartment, my first thought is - where will I put the Christmas tree? Pure and simple, my mothers exact thought. She comes through to me in odd ways, but always welcome. I'll cook one of her recipes and hear her words in my head, I'll see pictures of something she used and think of her. I still she the ghosts of the past when I visit my Dad. She still inhabits the home. I can tell you stories, going back to when I was very young. Things she said or did. She could be a bit raunchy at times. Once they older people were all in the dining room laughing, they were talking about some family member (a cousin of mine, Italians have lots of cousins) she had just gotten married and my mom said they didn't use candles in their bedroom. Just a string of lights shaped like cherries. Everyone laughed and I remember thinking why is that funny. When I got older I realized mom was making a joke about her being a virgin on her wedding night. Really now mom, naughty naughty! Haha or when I got old enough to realize why her underpants were wadded up under her pillow in the morning when I would get the sheets for the washing. Oh god, my parents were still doing it! They were like 40!!! Yeah not so shocking an age now. Ah time heals wounds they say, well it also brings clarity. I have to laugh, mom was a woman. With women's needs and wants. You go mom. ;-)
     She was fiercely independent as well. Took no shit. She could take it as good as she gave it too.
I could bore you to tears talking about her. I won't though as I'm going to go to sleep now and dream of her. Love them while they are here peeps. Because one day they will be gone and live only in your memory - but also in your hearts.  Ciao For Now

Not optimum

Feel queezy. Stomachs all topsy turvy. No blog tonight peeps ciao for now.

The Moment You Realize - Almost Here

     I feel calm tonight and well that concerns me. Lmao. Today I woke up way too early. I know the clocks turned back and hour, but even so I've been tired today. Got stuff done but here it is, just after 10pm and I'm settled in bed. Propped up watching a show on vintage cakes and sweets. Just what I need - right? I am a vintage junkie. It's gotten more so as I get older. Maybe it's just that I'm more vintage HAHA.
      OMG two weeks from now I will be in England. I'm really getting excited now. Another lady I know wants to we me maybe that Tuesday before I leave. She's got lots going on and so I told her let me know. Will be nice to have some drinks and a bite out.  Now one place I do want to go and Ive bugged my friend to take me to Platau. He graciously is going to. I am over the top of how sweet he and his family are being for me. I can't wait. Squeal. Lol.
      Well peeps. I'm content. I love my friends here and across the pond. Im blessed. I am saying ciao for now and have a funky week ahead.

Soppy Sausage

Just watched an episode of Bones. It was one with Booths grandpa. Long story short, I'm crying. Made me think of my mom. Really missing Her now. Prosecco drunk, perhaps this explains it. Lol

In The Still Of The Night

      I know another song title. Lol didn't plan it but it's almost 1am & I should be asleep. Not tired although I'm sure I will be asleep soon after I'm done here. I just feel compelled to spill my heart out. Or my guts, whichever is messy. Lol
     I was talking with an old friend yesterday, my oldest friend. Met him when I was about 18 months old and he was almost 5. Mike is the brother I never had. Sure we dated when I hit the late teen years, fogged up many a car window at Alley Pond Park but  we are much better friends. We haven't seen each other in a few years but we caught up on the phone. I never realized he laughs just like my dad does. A Queens NY laugh maybe? Lol  Speaking with him brought usual nostalgia but tonight I'm thinking back on more like the last 10 years or so. I met my hubby when I was at my heaviest, I lost weight before my wedding and my gown still had to be let out. Largest size David's Bridal carried. Today it's so big on me but I digress. Like I said I lost weight but after getting married, my mom got I'll and I didn't care about me, just work and came home. Enjoyed making and eating full big meals for my husband (still do but smarter choices now -usually lol) so I gained wright again, more after mom passed away. Not sure why, guilt of not being a better daughter, anger at her leaving, fear she wouldn't be there to help me. Got upset I couldn't conceive but that's a different tale. Anyway----I didn't see the scale moving up. And up it went. Dear friends I will be blunt. I got huge. I made the scale say ouch. I know it. I wasn't happy but dud nothing about it. Hubs loved me.  We moved and I hot worse. Hated being here, no one around to hang out with. But slowly I hot a job and met people. Got better but still not watching my weight. Then one day around 2005, when I was at my lowest. I decided enough was enough.  Talked life through with hubs, he still loved me and I him, so all good there. Had a new job, better than old one, good there too. Then stepped on the scale and almost died. I broke into tears. It said, gulp, over 300 pounds! And I don't mean 3 pounds over, I mean over. At 5feet tall I was a sphere. So I started to lose weight. For some time now I've list weight and gained some back alwAys centering around that 300 mark . Tonight I'm thinking of me at my heaviest and me now. I always wanted to lose100 pounds, as of tonight when I weighed in I have. I'm surprised, happy and embarrassed by this. Looking at me you would tell me I need to lose another 100 pounds. You would be right if I wNted to weigh under what I should but I do still need to lies another 60 or so. I'm ashamed at myself that I didn't do this sooner and also that I weaken at sweets and carbs. These delicious evils make be out of breath when I walk, and does not allow me to ride roller coasters. I'm better on walking not where I wNted to be but better. Roller coasters are a hope for next season. I have been blessed by friends who loom past my outer shell.
      Now I've 2 weeks to go before I get my ass on a plane. It's been 12 years since I've flown, I have no idea how I will fit. I'm not looking forward to the look I'm going to get from the passengers next to me. Oddest thing is I'm slimmer now then when I got married. . But people don't know that.  I wanted to WOW the friends over in England, and it's all me I know. They tease and joke but they are a great group. You see I look at the world with fat eyes. I know I'm pretty, but I wanted to be the most pretty ever. Men you may not get that, perhaps it's a silly female thing. So yes I am beyond excited to go to England, it's a dream come true for me. I just wish I had been a bit more diligent and perhaps another 20 lbs lighter. I'm not so I'm going to keep at this. It's been a long long struggle but having the love and support of family and my dear friends I'll get there.
       Just forgive me if I say dumb things or act weird sometimes. My female friends I will always be jealous of your hair and independence , my male friends I will always be a bit possessive of you. I do not do any of this out of malice it's just that you are all so special and I love you and I'm very protective of those I love. I want to guard and make sure I'm always a part of what's going on, because , hey, you matter so much. I've learned to back off and chill. It's almost as hard as losing weight for me.  Be gentle, please tell me if I'm too much. I understand and take no offense as I don't even realize some of the shit I do.
     So I think I may finally go to sleep, yep you're all thinking what the hell did she go on about. Lol I know. Love you. Ciao For Now

Reflections Of.....The Way Life Used To Be

     Yeah, I admit it, I sang that line. Lol. Sitting here thinking about a call I had from a very nice man this morning. He had me laughing as he talked about how great his childhood was and kids now a days will never know the joy of drinking from a garden hose. Funny thing was he kept on saying that he knew he sounded funny but I should ask my parents, that they would agree. I said I know what he means then he said something that made me realize he thought I was about 24 or so. 24? Me? Do I sound that young? I don't think so. Lmao was nice though, and for the record, I drank from the hose many a summers day.
     God knows I sure as hell don't look 24, not with these wrinkles as of late. Oh I'm not crying of how I have wrinkles. It's the price of getting older. They're not terrible, but oh hell the bags under my eyes lately have been bad. Not feeling optimum so they are darker and seem more pronounced, but in hoping they get better as I do. Plus a new bed would help but perhaps a week and a half in good English air and good bed will help. Wonder if I'll wake up one morning and there will be a snake in the bed. I love them and looking forward to seeing them. I also am looking forward to meeting the King pup of the home. He's so adorable, I want to give him such cuddles, kisses all over. Hahaha
      I'm concerned still about all my walking. I'm walking better but no where near where I think I should be. It's treadmill Sprint time right now, although I'm sure I'll be walking slow looking at every little thing I see. Lol oh man I don't want to shame anyone much less me. Just a little fear, not going to obsess on it. Can't wait to window shop, have a spa day with the girls, although I'm thinking it will be at home and not a spa as they are under 16. That's cool though, more laughs maybe we girls can get the menfolk to enjoy a facial scrub as well. :-)  oh I want pictures. Lmao
      I'm just chatting right now, so I'm going to get going, plus the show Castle is about to come on. Hehe love this show. Hubs and I watch it together every week. Bit of us time we always count on. Tea, show, nighttime routine then bed. Boring? Maybe, but I find comfort in it. So until next time, Ciao For Now.

Lunch Ramblings

     Hello lovelies, well as I stated I am at lunch groovin to some awesome choonz ;-D   Crossing fingers not to jinx it but the day is going decent. Plus it's Friday and a payday so its a double good day there.
     I love listening to music on break and lunch, it takes you away to a place that only you go. I turn it up loud and immerse myself, as well as I can do since I am at work. LOL  Right now it's a compilation group of recordings and man is it ecclectic. It has LL Cool J, Run DMC and A Tribe Called Quest, then it switches to Duran Duran, Phillip Phillips, Lady Antebellum, then to Led Zeppelin, RHCP, and Black Sabbath. PLUS a few new songs thrown in like Sam Smith and The Script. LMAO yep quite a group. I know I look dumb chair boppin but well, dont care :-)
    I was naughty and bought a new pair of dress shoes to wear with my new dress when we go out in England and of course I bought hose as well LMAO  Now I just need to find a nicer black wrap to wear that evening as my jacket won't do. I k ow Im obsessing, but I want to look nice. Its my female prerogative right?   I've lost another 4 lbs in the last week and a half.
  OOH Angel by Massive Attack just started hehehe, I know my posts have been fluffy lately but I hesitate to rant on as from whats going on in the world today i may come across as a bitch.  Plus Ive been fighting off a cold and I'm winning but its doing its best to try and get the upper hand. Not letting it, no sickness until I get back at least.   Well lunch is over so back to rality of the workplace, be back later peeps. Ciao For Now

I Refuse To Panic

     I really hate looking at the news right now, even Facebook, normally known for crazy pet videos is going alarmist on Ebola. It is frightening, I admit this, but dear heavens please stop all these postings, its getting ridiculous. I am not going to freak out if I pass someone who sneezes  more than I already do as I don't want to get sick. lol  Use sanitizer, cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough, and wash your hands! Driving me to cake i swear. ;-)
     So I'm writing up my list of things to do before I leave for England. Hair, nails, waxing, get new makeup that is wearing out. I'm going through clothes and a few new items will supplement my older ones. I was hoping for a brand new wardrobe but ain't happening. Lol
     I'm feeling a bit rough, so I'm having some tea, watching Bones, then sleep, so until next time, ciao for now.

They Call These Benefits?

     Well benefit time has arrived. Where normally I and about 12 others would be prepping for this, it's a bit different this year. My company has outsourced this to another company. So because of this I will be training shortly in the payroll dept. I don't mind, I like learning new things. I know a bit just from my own willingness to ask questions when I get a payroll question. I try to get the answer instead of transferring the call. Just how I am, always questioning. Always nosy I guess. Lol
     Bad thing is that the costs are astronomical this season. Case in point, if I stay with the same carrier and get the same coverage, or at least close to it, my costs will go from $194.00 bi-weekly to $330.00. If I change carriers I can bring that to $239.00. Still more but accessible. Problem is, does my doctor belong to this benefits network. I swear, it's so costly to have insurance but yet it's more costly not to.
      Well I have bought a few items that I needed for my England trip. A jacket being one of them. I got it for a final cost of $45.00, originally 139.00. Amazing deal right? It was nice when I went to look at blouses and tried on my normal size and it was too big. Got the next size down. Still too fat but I'm still working on me. This us life. I'm going to mention it sometimes and sometimes I won't. I've been lax and not the weight I wanted to be but this gives me reason to go again. One day. Maybe hubs will go next time, doubt it but you never know. I look at me this way, if I am a overweight short chick I'm going to be the funniest, sexiest, prettiest, nicest fat woman I can be. Everyone has things they want to change. I'm in good company.
     I can't believe how fast the time is going, how much is going on with everyone and that I'm probably going to be screened for Ebola when I go to board my flight. I try not to think about the world but how can you not. It's frightening so that's why I try to live life with fun. Glad I'm going to England. I mean if you read the papers and the alarmists the world is doomed. So we need to try new things, enjoy the days. Live and love our families and friends. I'm trying to and I am! I am also going to stop here before I start to mouth off and rant.  Haha you're welcome. Lmao. So as always I will say. Ciao For Now.

Old Enough To Know Better?

     So as I sit here I am feeling quite warm and fuzzy. See today is my birthday and a lovely day is coming to a close. On Friday I got into work and a co-worker and decorated my desk. This was the first time anyone has done this for me. Another one made a delicious coconut cake.The card was signed by everyone there and even the phone calls weren't to bad. Early afternoon, I am brought a gorgeous bouquet of flowers. Lilies and roses. It was gorgeous in shades of orange and reds, fall colors that I love. It was from my friend and his family in England. So thoughtful of them. I will be there in just over 25 days, yeah still uber excited. LOL

So Saturday was sweet as I was able to get an outfit at 40% off and then we had an excellent meal and early to bed as we got up early this morning to start out trek to the mountains. We walk into the restaurant and low and behold an entire table with firemen. About 14 of them. Happy Birthday to me :-D bwahahaha  Out to the mountains, it was a very autumn day, cool temps and a little overcast. Perfect weather for a drive with the windows open. So on Facebook, almost 100 people wished me a happy day. WOW!! Did not expect that, how sweet of them all. I know tomorrow I have to go back to the real world and work but Im drinking a hard cider and hubs prepared a hot bath for me so off I go to finish the night. Hope you all had a great weekend, and until next time ciao for now.

Warning, Bored Round Chick.

     I've had dinner, taken off my make up and put coconut oil on my face, arms, and legs. Now I'm craving a Bounty bar. Lmao 
     Pretty much status quo except tomorrow news of open enrollment will be emailed to about 60,000 employees. OH JOY See, we are not doing it this year. This is new. Employees don't like new, is I'm thinking we are going to be swamped with calls. Yes the day goes fast but I'm going to be a broken record, saying the same thing over and over. 
     We are having a Harvest pot luck in a few weeks. It's going to be tough with all the good food but. I'm in the homestretch, time for decadent nibbles has passed. It will be nice to hang out and not answer phones for an hour or so, just talk and socialize. I'm bringing tiramisu. I make a fabulous tiramisu if I say so myself. :-D. I like to use dark rum in it or sometimes amaretto instead of kaluha. Going be a fun time, get the office tipsy. Hehehe.  Thoughts are going through my mind but I need to gather my thoughts.  More to come, like fear of fitting in an airplane seat. Eek! ;-) 
So ciao for now. 

Major Thunderboomers

     So much for waking up early to see the eclipse of the full blood moon. Pouring rain at the moment. Feeling decent, although my thumb is still hurting. Not sure why, but when I wiggle it it cracks, so I don't wiggle it. Lol ah well. Not a whole lot new going on, oh I did get new glasses. They look pretty nice. I put a pic on Facebook and I'm quite surprised it's gotten so many likes. What's even more surprising it's from people who rarely ever comment or like any of my stuff. Not sure if that means the pic is good, or is it bad. Lmao
     I have two birthdays this week. Well 3 if you count mine. Lol lots of Libra ladies. LOOK out. haha
Great women, both of them. They deserve great things. I wish I could get them uber cool prezzies. Hubs actually asked if we wanted to try and go out for my birthday. I told him no. Things are a bit tight at the moment. I told him no gifts, no cards, no flowers. Just him and me , and the cat of course. We can maybe go for a drive up to the mountains again. Not the cat though hehe. I told him print out a pic of the flowers and I will tape it to my desk Friday. Lol Yes I love getting flowers and gifts but there is plenty of time to do that next year.
Besides, all those candles on a cake would be a fire hazard. (Wink wink)
Oh well peeps I will be back tomorrow, getting a bit sleepy.   So as always, until then. Ciao For Now

Sunday Eve

     So as I sit here blogging, my cat is lying right next to me. Normally when I get back from my dad's she pays me no mind. This time Hubs came with me so she was all over both of us. See the nice things about cats, like teenagers, if you leave enough food & water for them they're fine for a few days. LOL
      I was supposed to go see a Red Bulls soccer game Saturday but funds being what they are, I sold the tickets. My friend understood, so we all went to this cool BBQ joint and watched the game over the TV.  Thierry Henri made a great goal. Good game. Despite this, it was nice surprising my dad. He couldn't believe hubs was there. Was really sweet. Our neighbor came over and was like, well he really does exist. We were there hanging in the dining room, just talking, and his wife calls him asking where he was. He tells her, I'm at Eddie's and guess what? Mary brought her husband. From the phone, clear as a bell we all here her yell out.....NO SHIT!!  Oh man we were crying.
      Today I went over to the neighbors to color the wife's hair. It was nice to have someone to do that with. I used to do a friends color years ago. I'm pretty good on dark colors and gingers. I can't do blonde so I do not do mine. Next time I'm going to color her hair and do highlights too. It's girly stuff but I love it. So after I did that I drove my dad down to church. I came home to find hubs in the shower, so of course I joined him.  Our shower at home is too small. I would love to remodel, but since that's not happening any time soon. We took advantage of the bigger facilities. It's actually a whirlpool tub but I want to flush out the jets before using it that way. I cleaned the bathroom. Left instructions for dad to reheat the food I left him, and off we went. Leaving about 2 hours later than usual, didn't make too much of a difference, meaning traffic was status quo. We went out for dinner when back in our area.
     Halfway through we stopped, checked my phone,  and I found out a friends son was injured playing football today. Poor boy, not a fun injury. Hope to speak to my friend tomorrow to find out how it happened. I tease that I'm nosy but I'm truly concerned. That sucks - at least they won.
     Well tea is finished, it's half 11 so I'm off to bed. Until next time, ciao for now.

See You All Sunday Night

Headed to. NYC. Be back peeps. Ciao For Now

Shit Happens - Life Goes On

     Was in a stoic mode all day today. Steady as she goes, do what you must. Not much chatter. Just lots on my mind. It's cool, shit gets put in your path. You either walk around it, or walk through it. Eventually you find another place to walk. I've been up and down for a while now. It's getting to me. So much that I was willing to do a leave without pay for the final Friday of my two week off jaunt from work in November. One days pay offered up for the sanity of taking a vacation day this coming Friday. Well worth it in my book. I love going to NY. I get a sense of renewal. I'm literally going back to where my story begins. Ooh how profound this ole gal can be. Didn't even try to be. I'm a natural. (And the crowd goes wild).   This time though, a big change. Yes you DO sense a disturbance in the force. Hubs is going with me!! Yes, you read correctly. We leave mid morning and I hope the road gods are kind enough to allow us to get there by about half 2. Dad doesn't know, surprise! Lol Hubs is well aware of my funk and I'm sure this is a shot at cheering me up. It's working. I'm delighted he's going. A friend is coming over for dinner and the 3 of us are whisking dad away for a meal out. Great place. Called Umberto's. I'd say local sans the fact that it was on the Food Network. One of the chefs loves their pizza. Rightfully so, it's so well done, but ooh their linguine with clam sauce - heaven in a bowl. Carbs be damned, homemade hot out of the oven Italian bread. No one can resist that! Repeating mantra - moderation moderation moderfuckingration! Yes I'll be diligent but will be a nice night. Dad will be so surprised, hope it's not too much to take. Don't want him ill from the shock. (Nervous chuckle)
We are tightening the belt here so this will be a slight loosening up a notch. I need my NY. I need the sound of the waves, the home I grew up in. The familiar all around me from the moment I step foot in that house. I remember the feel of those footy pj's I had. I can actually remember them. I remember the feel of my garnet red wool blanket that covered my bed and the warmth I felt on cold nights. The sounds, even the smells. Funny stories, like the time a squirrel came inside. He must of come in through a hole in the roof. Well I was about 7 and I was in the bathroom with my Nona. My mom said to stay in there. I could hear her and dad trying to get the squirrel out the front door. Well I couldn't stand it any longer. I open the bathroom door and starring right at me is the squirrel. I was startled so I screamed. This scared the furry little rodent and he turned and high tailed it out of dodge. Yep, right down the stairs and out the open front door. Score one for the chubby kid in the red footys. Which by the way were too long on me. Sigh......
      This whole home thing is heightened by the fact that the colder weather is coming in. I get a terrible nesting urge this time of year. I want to do all these DIY projects and in good faith scour Pinterest and like minded websites. Get fabulous ideas, do nothing. Well that's not entirely true. But I have found out that when I shoot for the shabby chic cottage look, it just looks like a rummage sale. But I also bake this time of year. I wonder if I can bake when I'm in England. My friend uses special flour, because, well just because . No need to explain, but I have done good recipes using that kind of flour and it would be nice to make a treat for the family using it so he can indulge as well. Oh I'm sure we all will be indulging plenty but something homemade just feels right. To me anyway. I'm odd that way. Well that's one way. Lol ;-)
      Tangent alert! Friends father died today. He was with him he said when he passed. No pain, just peace. Sad and beautiful at the same time. Told ya, total 360 change of subject. Thought came into my head so I acknowledged it. I am sad for his loss. It happens to us all. I lost my mother 17 years ago this month, I hope I'm sparred my dad for some time. He has good and fond memories though he said.
      See that's the beauty of memories. They can hurt sometimes, but moreover, they are a comfort. A giggle and sometimes, even a turn on. They wrap us in emotion, sometimes at the wrong times, but I would never give them up if at all possible.
     Okay, thoughts are not staying focused,  as evident in the last few lines. So before I go completely James Joyce and stop using punctuation altogether, I will sign off.  So ciao for now.   Oh - do you like how I hinted that I'm freakin well read by knowing that Joyce wrote the last part of Ulysses with none. Check it out if you don't believe me, and he wrote some naughty saucy tales too. That crazy SOB. Hahaha.