17 Years

     Yep, it was 17 years ago today that my Mother died. Yes I'm sad, I'm weepy but I'm also happy. Happy that I had such a wonderful woman to call Mom. It's quiet in the house this early morning (1:24am to be exact). I am alone with my thoughts of her.  Like a blanket they warm me, but from the inside out. So I guess it's not really like a blanket. More like a hot flash! Maybe it is an actual hot flash, OMG!  Getting backto Mom. She was one hell of a woman boy! I tell ya, she spoke her mind. Never worried what others thought of her, and also never cared if she had lots of friends. Mainly because she knew she had the right ones. She always taught me to be nice to everyone but it was better to have a small circle of true friends, than have an address book of Christmas card friends. Took me awhile, into my mid  20's to realize what she meant. So true. I got hurt a lot back then. I gave so much and was surprised I didn't get the same back. I'm smarter now. My friends are the ones I trust. It's a handful, no where near what it once was. Oh I'm still nice to people, I genuinely like people, but my trust is given to special people. I think they know who they are. You all should, you're the ones I annoy all the time. LMAO
     Mom and I loved houses. Looking at them, decorating them in our heads. To this day when I look at a house or apartment, my first thought is - where will I put the Christmas tree? Pure and simple, my mothers exact thought. She comes through to me in odd ways, but always welcome. I'll cook one of her recipes and hear her words in my head, I'll see pictures of something she used and think of her. I still she the ghosts of the past when I visit my Dad. She still inhabits the home. I can tell you stories, going back to when I was very young. Things she said or did. She could be a bit raunchy at times. Once they older people were all in the dining room laughing, they were talking about some family member (a cousin of mine, Italians have lots of cousins) she had just gotten married and my mom said they didn't use candles in their bedroom. Just a string of lights shaped like cherries. Everyone laughed and I remember thinking why is that funny. When I got older I realized mom was making a joke about her being a virgin on her wedding night. Really now mom, naughty naughty! Haha or when I got old enough to realize why her underpants were wadded up under her pillow in the morning when I would get the sheets for the washing. Oh god, my parents were still doing it! They were like 40!!! Yeah not so shocking an age now. Ah time heals wounds they say, well it also brings clarity. I have to laugh, mom was a woman. With women's needs and wants. You go mom. ;-)
     She was fiercely independent as well. Took no shit. She could take it as good as she gave it too.
I could bore you to tears talking about her. I won't though as I'm going to go to sleep now and dream of her. Love them while they are here peeps. Because one day they will be gone and live only in your memory - but also in your hearts.  Ciao For Now