There Was A Black Moon

     It was yesterday. A time for change, new starts. Well let's see. I have felt the pull of this moon from down deep inside. I have made some changes and we shall see if they benefit me or not. I am feeling positive about these, I will say that.
     Ooh peeps, I wish I could sometimes be as raw as I want to be. I hold back on occasion, even on a blog that's supposed to be that raw kind of emotion. Thing is there is shit that I deal with every day, that I've learned to live with, that I shouldn't have to. I go to work every day, usually with a smile, to the point where if I'm quiet, I get asked what's wrong. Nothing wrong, just being reflective. What if I had zigged instead of zagged? Things like that. Looking at photos of gorgeous kitchens and rooms set just so. I've been promised a new kitchen for about 4 years now, the hope of one is fading, but I will cling onto it. Thing is, it's not something I can just go out and purchase right? There planning, choosing cabinets, colors, and I love to do this, hubs not so much, so until I can get him fully onboard, it's like dangling food in front of a starving man. Yet, there I am, watching HGTV, and drooling at glass backdrops. Lol
     Things I can change, I am changing. My body, my emotions, my hair color. Lol So I'm not being stagnant, but I wish I could change things that no one seems to be able to. Hubs' skin issues for one, the fact that he's up to about 15 oz of booze to sleep, things going on with that, that I'd never put in a blog. It would disrespect him, and I'm not about doing that. He's a good man, and I love him. So never would I shame him, even in secret. Suffice to say, rest of the days he's been very good, he does a lot, and I try to tell him as much as possible that I appreciate all he does.
      It's almost midnight and I'm not tired. I should be sleeping or at least get horizontal, but lots of thoughts going on. I've eased back into the gym. Not at 100% yet but almost. Most of circuit and treadmill - check. I want heads to turn, not because I'm vain, but because of things lately I need a bit of coddling. Nothing major, just to know that " I still got it!" Needy bunny - yes! I won't deny it, but I'm human. It's also kind of odd to be the older one in the office. I work with lovely people but the majority of them are kids. They all go out to bars in the area, and I'm never invited. I'd go. I've been to a few house parties, but would be nice to go out and have drinks. There are others in work, mid30's and up and yes I tend to talk more with them, but when 85% of the Helpdesk is all going out! it would be nice to get invited. Hell I'd go, I'd probably give them all a run for their money too! It's weird. There is one woman, who is the same age as me, yet she gets treated like she's older. And she acts it to. So I guess I could be that way, and I'm grateful I'm not. So I know, shut up Mary and be happy with what is. That's all well and good, but I'd still like to go for a drink.
      Tomorrow is April Fools Day. And aside from the jokes, I can't believe it's actually April. A quarter of the year gone! How?? It was just New Years. Time is passing by, and I'm going to enjoy it. Like I mentioned I've been drawing, I've been singing, I've been eating more veg less meat, I've been taking off my make up EVERY night. But I can say, at night, I can look at myself in the mirror and smile. I've done nothing to be ashamed off and may have actually helped someone at work. So yes, needy bitch on occasion, but all in all, I'm happy! Just after midnight, so I'm off. Ciao For Now peeps.