Tonight I write a quick story right now off the cuff , lets see how it goes:
She walked down the street as she had done hundreds of times before. She saw him from behind, she stopped in mid pace and drew in a sharp breath. She new that the possibility of seeing him was there but hoped she would be lucky enough not to have it happen. Problem was there was another part of her that wanted to see him. Whatever was in that window must be something she thought, he isn't taking his eyes off it. She took this opportunity to quicken her pace and walk past him hoping to pass by unnoticed. She thought she had when all of a sudden she heard a voice call out her name. She turned around and forced a smile she hoped looked warm. He looked good from the back but damn if he didn't look even better face on. "Hi" she said, "How nice to see you Tony" He came closer and before she knew it she was in a bear hug, "So good to see you Jenny, you look great!" The smell of his cologne filled her senses and had the effect it always had. She wanted him the moment she had met him, she broke the connection and stepped back a little. He was smiling that dumb grin he always did. "I was out shopping for Mom's birthday gift"he said. "Want to catch up over a cup of coffee?" She thought no, hell no!! "Sure, let's go" was what she said. They walked the 2 blocks to the nearest Starbucks and in they went. He brought two chai teas back, and as he was blowing his to cool it off, he laughed. "What's so funny? she wanted to know. "You have foam on your nose" he answered her. "Shit!!"she went to wipe it off but he beat her to it. So much for cool and collected, but she giggled too and for the first time honestly smiled at him. "You look beautiful Jenny, but then again you always did!" "Beautiful I was a blob most of my life" He scowled at her, "You ALWAYS were the most beautiful girl I knew" he said it again. "I mean look at you!" She turned and saw her reflection, her round reflection, in the window. She had lost quite a bit of weight but she still was about 100 pounds over where she wanted to be. "How can you say I am beautiful?" "I wish you could see you through my eyes Jenny. I see a woman who is beautiful from the inside out, your outer body is more appealing than the skin & bones girls that are the acceptable norm." "What?", she stared at him. "I have always been attracted to you", he continued. "I don't understand what you mean? "Last year, at the club...those girls, YOU were with them, they teased me, how can you say this now?" "No you left too soon. I left them, I yelled at them at how cruel they were and how ugly they looked."
I called you but you never answered the phone.!" Jenny, you assumed I wanted them. Truth is I wanted you Jenny. Have for a long time" She opened her mouth to dispute this but closed her mouth when she replayed that night in her head. Yes she did leave quickly and didnt see him go in but, well she figured he had. So she was wrong. "Jen, I know your habits, I've watched you and knew you would be passing by one day, so I would go to that store every weekend I could hoping you would be there and today here you are" "Tony, what are you saying? I mean you like me? Me? Well I have liked you for so long and I have wanted to tell you, to touch you, to kiss you for so long but I never did because , well look at me!! He got up from the table and said "I am looking at you" His lips met hers and they kissed there at the little table in Starbucks. Time stood still for a moment, then she opened her eyes and he was looking right into them." Jenny, go out with me" he not quite asked but more stated the fact. "Yes I will" came her reply. They finished the teas and walked into the afternoon , she looked at him and smiled and he smiled back. He reached for her hand, she didn't know where they were going but she followed his lead. Something she knew she was going to enjoy alot!!!
Over the years a friend of mine who of course is tall and thin always was puzzled at how I had boyfriends and she didn't. I wondered sometimes too. I am striving to get fit and want to lose 100 pounds, it's happening but there are times when I just want to cry at how I look. It cry more than I ever let on, the frustration just comes out in tear form. I want to be the best me I can and I fall short on things I want to do at the moment. I want to walk the fields at home and streets of the city and experience old things through new eyes, but between weight and my cyst that acts up it makes me want to scream sometimes! I feel so embarrassed!! I feel like to be around me is more a burden than fun. Then I think of those who care about me for who I am and not what I look like. The understanding in their words and the look in their eyes that calm and bring things into perspective. Why the fuck do they hang around me and bless them for doing so. I am truly lucky to know these people. There is a part of me that is doing this for them as well. A thank you of sorts for seeing me in a way that's acceptable, a way that's normal and even a way that's beautiful. My family, my husband and my close friends, this is for you, I love you all. Jumbled words & thoughts again but I write like i think. You'll get used to it. LMAO Peace out (for now)
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