It’s only the start of October you say? No holidays yet. Really you don’t say? Well have you been to the grocery store? The Halloween candy is in full swing. The chocolate covered delights that can give a thrill similar to your favorite adult toy with a new set of batteries. Oh yes I call out their names in throws of passion ….you nutty Snickers, you delectable Butterfinger you! Oh you lovely silly Baby Ruth. These and their evil cousins will tempt you. They are placed around the stores parameters and you feel like they get closer each time you look away. Much like the many topiary bushes in the movie “The Shining”, they are out to get you. NO NO , blink so they don’t get hold. The most fearful of these is the leader of the Halloween kingdom….this is known to us as….cue dramatic music now…..the CANDY CORN!!! Many hate it but those of you, those who are part of the community who wait each year to see that tri-color candy, you know what I mean. They have no food value at all, I’m not even sure they are food, but they call you,and you must answer. Once the hardness is pierced by a tooth they melt in a rush of sugar goodness that you willingly let yourself drown in…evil delicious temptation, you and your family of candy pumpkins and indian corn, how I wait for you each year.
Moving onto Thanksgiving, oh my knees are getting week as I type. All that food and you are allowed to eat it all!!! Turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, corn pudding, the green bean casserole! Not to mention, cranberry sauce, gravy, biscuits, mashed potatoes because one type of potato is never enough, right? Then desserts, the pies, of apple and pecan, puddings and cakes too. The Bacchanalia of food. You even make a special table for the kids so that your table allows you to have more room for more food. Don’t forget the diet Coke to wash it all down with, add some rum and you will feel better! Yes from the start it was a pig fest, thank you Pilgrims thank you for the right to feast and to eat eat eat, I mean you were Puritans so you weren’t going to have sex. You substituted food, and there we see how that tradition started. No sex no love yes food. Stupid pilgrims!!
Now before you have the chance to burp you are looking at Christmas. Oh the joy! What better way to celebrate (if you do) the birth of the babe than with trays of cookies and spiced punch! All other December holidays secular and non, go better with a huge dinner, then lazing around doing nothing for a whole week. In my house we started 2 weeks before the day was even here. US WOMEN, US GO GATHER GROCERIES, MEN GO GET TREE, CHOP CHOP ;-) It took 3 generations of us ladies to prepare the feast. All the goodies that get eaten are the once a year treats. Special brews and fixins’ just for Christmas. Mom’s homemade lasagna and meatballs. Grandma’s Roast Beef with roasted potatoes. My Shrimp scampi and garlic bread…..the trays of cookies that are not counted in dozens but in kilos it seems. Everyone gets cookies….and everyone shares them, and you MUST taste them lest you hurt feelings. My god!! Strings of popcorn on the tree Shit!! Even the decorations are food!! Candy canes, and the fruitcake that was shared by maybe the 3 people who ate it, so a 4 pound cake split between 3 people, you do the math!
So what’s a fat girl to do? Well this one has been looking at recipes and changing them to lessen the fat and carb content as best she can. Will she do it? Will she win the holiday battle? She knows some shots will be fired, candy shrapnel and turkey giblets will fly BUT yes she will make it. She will indulge some this is known but sparingly and she will enjoy each discretion, savor the flavor shall we say. Treats will be rated and judged if worthy of themselves to be eaten. She will emerge sated yet on track. She will be victorious, she will be……well we’ll see!
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