Tonight

.   The day goes by, then BAM! The memory hits you right between the eyes. Tonight 18 years ago was the last time I saw my mother alive. We had to dress in gear with masks, not touch her, it was so hard not to though.  We were there and brought her ice cream, she didn't speak much, too weak but she said -  more?  We let her know that we would bring more the next night. It never happened, 5 am the next morning the hospital called my Dad. She passed away in her sleep. I'm hurting right now, I've got tears streaming down my cheeks. It's nothing that thousands, millions of people have experienced but it's MY mom. It's funny that the night we left, my Dad went to give her a kiss and he stopped because we weren't supposed to touch her. I told him, fuck that, dad give her a kiss. So he did and so did I. Not am I glad we did.  We told her "love you " as we left. She replied "love you too", she hesitated then said "love you both". Like she knew or something.  
I think of her so much and then some days I don't give her a thought but when I realize it I feel guilty. I know that's so stupid. She raised me well, not that I always took her advice, but she was a wonderful mother. I miss her terribly. 18 years has not made me forget one thing, it's mellowed as the shock is gone, but I know I will never fully forget ever. I will take her memory with me forever.  I think the fact that we didn't have another ice cream for her makes me go overboard with people. Doesn't always work right though lol. But whatever.  I love you Mom. On your 18th anniversary of passing into Summerland tomorrow, I will light a candle. I know Dad is doing also. He already told me so. He misses you Ma, very very much.   Okay I'm crying again, I'm out. Ciao