Christmastime Is Here (Almost)

     I find myself feeling a bit like poor ole Charlie Brown. I am already seeing the stores getting ready, the tinsel and trees are huddled in the corner waiting to burst onto the scene. Much like the players on a team bursting through the thin paper banner with their name on it! It's so overwhelming. Get this, do this, buy this it's better than that. Look I love to buy things, I love buying things at Christmas. I've already got a list of what I'm getting those in my life. But it's not just that, hell most of those people will be getting gifts from the dear postal services. I won't even see their faces as they open there gifts. I enjoy that more than getting gifts really. Unfortunately there are only a handful that I will actually hand the gifts to. Which brings me to the thoughts that have been running through my head this afternoon.
      I have the joy of becoming a full time employee no longer a temp in December. That month when the weather grows cold (in the northern hemisphere at least) and family seems to matter more for some reason. My family was not very large, I'm talking immediate family, as my Italian side has more than enough cousins to film The Godfather parts 4, 5 and 6! I'm an only child and yes I had great Christmas mornings, Santa left me so much. But as I grew older and perhaps a bit wiser, I came to love the traditions we had. One gift opened after we got back from midnight mass. I never went so much for the secular, as even back then I knew the church wouldn't fill my spiritual needs, but it did fill the need I had for family.  Seemed my little suburban town brought everyone out for that mass. All my friends from school and their families and it was like for that hour and a half I had a huge family. Not to mention a very cool new Christmas pin and gaudy corsage with poinsettias and red balls on my coat lapel. LMAO  as I grew older I stayed up with my mom and grandma after mass to help cook for the feast the next day brought. Simple joys but fun. Good memories. There were sad times. I had one Aunt die on Christmas Eve. Not the most festive occurrence. The one where for some reason we barely were scrapping by. No big presents that year at all. But I got little things for my mom, grandma and dad. I was 16, I remember it well. We had dinner just the 4 of us. We watched tv together that night. Tree lights on and egg nog. Still one of my best Christmas nights.
Now I've been here in VA for 14 years and this makes the 14th year I will not be with my dad for Christmas. I have a real strong pull to be there this year for some reason. The man is going to be 86 this year, bless. How many more Christmas days is he going to see? May it be many but fact is it will not be as many as wanted and I don't want him to leave this world without spending at least one more with him. Not a week or two close to the date, coupled with the fact his birthday is the 29th of December. Maybe there is a reason I'm feeling this pull. It hurts to be honest. Hubs hates NY, traveling hurts him and he hates driving long drives and you know traffic that time of year. Dad never seems to want to come here. So there I am stuck in the middle. I love the man, all little girls love their daddy's right! He's still here, mom's spirit is still there but he's enjoying his life and I'm happy for him. But I want to make a meal for him, perhaps the neighbors, his lady friend. Fill the dining room with talk and laughing again. Bring back those dinners of long ago. I would love that, but I truly don't see it happening and because if that I am feeling the tears running down my face. I wish the answer would come to me somehow. Maybe it will.  The holidays are here, love those that matter, I do very much. Just wish I could give you all a hug and kiss on those days when it is just needed, by me anyway.  I'm going to sleep. Ciao for now peeps.