What?!

     I feel totally like I'm trying to fight a raging fire with an eyedropper full of water. My emotions are going up in a vortex and the weird thing is I'm totally cool with it. I'm finally feeling in a good state. I did some searching today. I'm getting my "Mary" back. I backtracked, I got so crazy at the thought of losing what I have that I over grabbed AGAIN!!! Don't I fuckin do that always?? Lol I'm mental sometimes but I really mean no harm. I just love fun, and having fun, sharing fun, and I'm watching fun from the bleachers sometimes. But you know, I'm making my fun, I have no one to blame but me for my woe is me nutter times. I am flying high on things that finally are falling into place. My job is official, I passed all my background and credit checks. It's full steam ahead, plus the holidays are coming. I can't tell you the high I get from trying to find great gifts for those I care about. I have gotten some cool things so far. Yay 😊😀😆
     In all seriousness. I'm in a good place. I can only take care of me, and by doing that I'm so much better for those I love. I just have started my new routine. I start work at 9:30 so it's gym at 6, then home by 7:20. Shower, then work by 8:30 and an hour it so to ease into the day. I hate rushing into work and starting right away. Don't you prefer a nice calm AM before the days rush. I do have an easy commute so I don't have to deal with public transportation. Added plus! Oh I am a complicated crazy mental soppy sausage, lol. I'm really lovable, I am. I'm also on 6 cups of tea today so I'm bouncy right now. I will mellow out but I don't want to overcompensate, and I don't want to fuck things up. Oh please don't let me fuck up, if I'm getting near to doing that feel free to bip me on the head and say ---stop it!!   Tangent night apparently. Lmao. Ah peeps, ciao fir now. Muah