I Am A Bit Gobsmaked

    OMFG!!! IT HAPPENED My fear has come true.  Our mortgage hit the bank and my check does not go in until tomorrow. It was supposed to come off of the auto payment which would have been fine, no issues, but NO the request as not done in time I guess. So we now have a negative balance  but hubs is on his way to the bank to make sure they just keep it pending until midnight when my check goes in and then we will be fine.  I am so so upset by this.     I hope this is going to be okay, I've never had this happen in my life. But can't do anything abut it here at work so will have to see what happens with hubs and the bank.

ON THE OTHER HAND :-D

  I had a great conversation with my friend in Maine last night. A person needs a handful of good people that they can talk to and not worry about what they say being judged or past along to others. I have a few, sis of course, she has my back and I hers, love her, also my gal in PA, although we haven't spoken much lately she is tried and true and my gal in Maine who I've shared so much with including a boy friend. At separate times though! hahahaha  Well she and I spoke and it as so good to catch up. Its hard to believe her oldest is headed into her final year of high school and has already been looking at colleges to to to. Think she may end up in NYC. She really like NYU and her grades are more than good enough to get in.  Time flies boy, I remember the day she was born. She calls me Aunt Mary :-D   (my friends daughter, not my friend lol)  I would love to grab sis and take a drive up to maine for a girls hang out weekend. Its about 6 hours from my dads house, not bad at all.  I am using vacation time next week and just have to build some more time up, I can see it happening.  They know each other and I'm sure it would be a hoot. I can just hear the conversations after much Guinness and wine is consumed. LOL
      I also spoke to hubs' cousin the other night.  They live out in CA and I had to let them know that we will not be attending the wedding in Oct.   Sad to say this but we can't afford it, so they understood and they may be headed to the east coast in the winter. Hub's brother & fam are not going either, kids would miss too much school. So its going to be a lets look at where they are registered and send prezzies wedding.
     OMG  I saw this video on FB today of this very overweight woman who was taped just eating and eating, 4 full pizzas, ice cream, cakes. To each their own, if that's what she likes and hey gods I'm a big girl, and I try to keep myself neat and clean but videos like this annoy me as they are always used to focus on the very negative view of overweight peeps. Look if your happy and healthy who cares but there is such a stigma on fat and this just adds to it.  I was practically in tears at the comments on this. People are so cruel, I'd like to think its not the first instinct of people to be mean but some of the comments on this video make me think many people are.I don't know why this lady would let herself be video taped this way. I dont know, but then again I will not go sleeveless in public. Its just me as I know women much bigger than me who will, More power to them. Im just not comfortable doing it. Maybe i should exam more closely why I won't.  :-D  

Some Good News

    Woohoo, I was able to get off the Friday and the Monday so when I go to NYC on the weekend of the 17th.  I will have a 4 day off weekend. Mini vaca, and much needed. Well its a Dads and sis weekend, but just being close to the ocean helps me. So thats the good news, the bad news I cant get any nose piercing or new ink until I come off the meds I'm on since they are blood thinners. Im thrilled at least that I was able to get a friends drawing inked on me, I was hoping to get another done with an exact duplicate of the drawing, but well, maybe one day.  I may still get the piercing, I'm not a bleeder and its not like its going to take more than a minute to pierce. maybe! LOL
     Today some dude yells at me its a waste of time talking to us as we know nothing.  He was someone who was looking for a job here, and we do nothing with recruiting at this office. I have no lists of any recruiters. I asked for the name so I could maybe get him to corporate for them to transfer to the extension of that ee but he kept yelling.  I hung up, not going to be abused on the phone by someone who just wants to yell. I get enough of that from the real callers  :-D
     Still a bit rough, hope its just a bug that will be gone quickly. Not in the mood to blog much today peeps, love and lollipops though  ciao for now

Happy 4th Of July and Tummy Issues

.    Well a 3 day weekend is a great thing. Yesterday was very good. Slept in late, woke to a lovely cuppa, read, then met a friend for drinks. After 4 I was feeling fine. Was about 2 miles from home so I got home with no issues. If I had to drive very far, this would not have been the case. Lol so after spending 5 hours out, I actually was pleased with a night in. Which was spent doing girly things. Shaved legs, moisturizing my arms and legs. Plucking my eyebrows and go Lordy, speaking of my eyebrows. Well going back a week, I try to save money right now so I did my own hair. My girl says to come in but she doesn't charge me. She's amazing and her generosity is stellar. But I don't want to take advantage. So I do the simple coloring. I will go to get my hair cut and some highlights put in.  BUT I FOOKED UP. I usually use a root touch up color to do my eyebrows, this time I used the color I was doing my hair. So needless to say, they are quite blonde. Hard to see. So it almost looks like I have none. It's quite funny, but I look horrible. So I'm re doing them tomorrow.  Today I'm not doing anything. I feel as bad as my eyebrows look.  My tummy is doing flip flops. The weather is matching I must say. Rainy and cloudy, and I just this moment heard thunder. Not fireworks. Haha
      Tomorrow ( tummy willing) we are headed out early for a drive.  We have no money really for anything pricey. But it's only thus week and a half that will be a bit tight. Just my pay days and bills don't coincide so I need to juggle. I'm getting really good at it :-)  
     NYC in 2 weeks, not going this upcoming weekend as I had hoped. But this way I'll hang with sis, get my nose pierced so she can check out Lark tattoo. Hopefully this band she likes will be playing at this dive bar we like called Otto's, it's in Freepirt on the nautical mile , so you get good music, good drinks, decent food and lots of fun.  I'm thinking there will be a few people there as well as us. I'm going to take an extra day so I can leave that Monday and get one more beach day in. I need it.
     Hubs has old Doctor Who playing all day on the TV. I love the show but I've got me ear buds in listening to Bruce Springsteen choonz. Hehehe.  Boring day, but not to be gross, I really don't want to be away from my toilet today. Okay sorry - bit too much information there. Lmao.
Well then, I'm going to make a nice hot cup if tea, and chill to more tunes.   Ciao For Now.

It's Official - The World Has Gone Crazy

     Okay, I just saw that there is a planned flagged burning this weekend in Brooklyn, NY. Really? To make matters worse, it's a group against the police department. As I said, there are many "bad" cops, but the majority are not bad. They are there to protect you and rusk their lives everyday. Respect for them! Now let's burn the flag! The show Dukes Of Hazard is being pulled because of the car!?  It has a confederate flag on it.  A statue of Christopher Columbas was defaced with the protest black lives matter.  EVERY LIFE matter jack asses! This country is so over the top. Everyone is so offended and the people coming here want us to bend to their demands. Sorry, fuck that. You want to live here you abide by OUR RULES. We would have to do the same in your country. Out of respect for host countries you should anyway. Get over yourselves everyone. It's infuriating to say the least. You will now find me in my blanket fort, with my coloring books, and eating jam sandwiches. Lol
     On a very different topic. It's true that you influence folks without even knowing it. Your actions and words get absorbed. I tend to end my calls by saying, enjoy the rest of your day. So today I'm at my desk, my co-worker who sits across from me is finishing a call, and I hear him say, you enjoy the rest of your day. Lol I guess without knowing it he kept hearing it and now he says it. I smiled and kind of gave myself an inner "hi-five" LMAO. I'm headed out after work tomorrow for a few drinks with a friend. It's our Friday, since we are off on Friday for the 4th of July holiday.  We need it, we are commiserating the fact that no increases are being given out this year. That makes 2 years in a row.  The company is splitting and we are not sure if we are supporting both sides or just non government contracts. Right now we support both non government, and government contracts. Everyone is in an uproar, but we shall see what happens.
     We were talking today at lunch, one of the girls was missing her cousin, who lives on the west coast. She was saying she hardly ever sees her. She was upset as her cousin got ill and was in the hospital. She was all like, what if something happens and I never get to see her again. I never would have gotten a chance to say good bye. Whoa....hold on.....I'm usually the drama queen in the group, but even I was a bit taken aback. She was in the hospital, she is out already and home. It was gall bladder surgery. She was a bit over the top but I understand what she means I suppose. All my dearest friends are not near me. I want to see them as often as I can, it's true you never know what's going to happen but you have to not worry about the what ifs.  We all told her as much and she felt better talking about her cousin with us. Yeah we get into some weird convos at lunchtime. Hahaha
     Speaking of hospitals, my uncle was taken in to one yesterday. Very shocking as he had just gone for a check up and all was good.  Turns out he has an infection in his leg, WTH? I seem to have similar ailments with my uncles family instead of mine. Well at least I know where I get it. :-)
He's doing better and should be getting out soon. I will call tomorrow to check on him. He called me so often when I was in the hospital. They are a bit offbeat, but I love them. I'm offbeat too, it's a good thing.
     Well that's the thoughts for tonight peeps, until next time, ciao for now.

What A Storm Last Night

    It's been a long time since thunder has woken me up from a deep sleep. But last nights sleep was interrupted by the loudest crack of thunder, it shook the house.  I started to pour rain and  the cat was on high alert. LOL She was not pleased with the noise. I on the other hand loved it, although I am paying for the lack of sleep this morning.  That with the added joy of allergies, my eyes are barely open today.  All in all, a magnificent storm.
     Not sure whats going on next week, I've figured fate will play its hand and i will be satisfied with whatever she decides.
     Best thing this week is that tomorrow is the last working day for the week. YES!! 3 day weekend, and I am not doing anything other than making a big jug of iced tea and going out back to read. Besides not having any money to go anywhere really, there is not much around where I live. We may take a drive up to the mountains and hit up some farmer's markets for fresh fruit and veg. It's actually a very pleasant way to spend the day. I have a lovely chair in my yard that just calls for book reading though so that above all may win out.
    Oh peeps, its a rough patch right now money wise, hopefully hubs will get a job real soon, I pray every day for it. My job just doesn't pay enough but I cant leave it until he gets something  so as we all do, I trudge on. It will get better I'm sure. I wake up every day so thats the best thing right there

Thats it for now peeps, just checking in. Ciao For now

Short end of weekend blurb

      It was nice. Went to my meeting Saturday, farmers market today,  and read. I read a lot.  Saturday was rain 90% of the day, and heavy rains too at points. I like the rain, I love a good thunderstorm. So after my meeting, I came home, ran a vacumn and settled in with my book and tea. Perfect afternoon. Lined up a few more books on my kindle. At the farmers market today they had some lucious peaches. One of my favorites. I actually think I could live on fruit in the summer. I posted a list on my FB feed for dog owners so they can see what's safe to give the pooches. Back to books, as i said I did get a few in my kindle store.  I don't spend the way I used to. But they were $5 each and I also downloaded some freebies as well.  I'm very cautious with my purse this last year basically. It's going to be tight this week, with the way the mortgage hits earlier in the week of the 6th. I get paid that Friday but the mortgage usually comes out around the 7th. Will be interesting. I did treat me to a manicure that I paid in cash.  I had her do a 4th of July motif. All nails are this fab dark blue except my ring fingers. They are white with little blue and red stars on them. She did it all freehand. Funky and fun.  I'm not afraid of zeroing out my account anymore as long as I know I wasn't overly spendy and I'm not.

Oh I also told the hubs that once I'm not so skin, I'm getting my nose pierced! :-D. Okay Ta and Ciao For Now

NAILS: LOL

It's Not New - Hell I'M Not New!

   Basic freedoms and acceptance is what I'm talking about. Yesterday the United States Of America ruled that same sex marriage will be allowed in every one of it's 50 states. It was an instant rainbow fest all over social media, companies and big corporations. As expected there was a large amount of opposition for this as well. Mainly religious groups and die hard republicans, and surprisingly a few democrats as well, but I'm thinking they should be in the religious grouping. Did I go and post supportive notices and put a rainbow overlay on my Facebook profile pic? Why yes I did! Why? Because I have friends who are homosexual and I have seen them struggle with things I don't have too. Taxes, health insurances. I'm not going to include strange or condescending looks, because as a fat female I DO know what that's like.  I am pleased they are no longer being singled out for loving differently. That brings me to my other point. I never understood the big deal of it. Perhaps it's because I don't read the bible as the end all be all. I find that difficult since there are so many versions by different people. Anyone who has ever played the game telephone can attest the fact that the last thing said is always never the original statement. The basics I get, right and wrong, treating others as I want to be treated. I don't need a bible to tell me about morality and common sense. So I am thrilled the U.S. got it right for a change. I am a bit saddened though that with all of this joy, came such tragic news that seemed to take a background. It deserves to be shared as well, France, Tunisia, & Kuwait suffered yesterday. Mass killings of innocent people, and one extreme group has claimed responsibility. We know of whom I refer.   It's tragic that life means so little to these people. I get scared at what's happening to our world. One more reason to celebrate so hard on these triumphs like marriage equality.
      I was speaking awhile back to a friend who wants to take a holiday. I loved the places mentioned. One was Egypt. I would just love to go there. It's been a dream, but I'm fearful, as there is much unrest in that country. It was mentioned not to worry as it's not in the tourist areas, high end areas so to speak. The killings in Tunisia, they were at a high end resort, full of tourists.  I am very naive I suppose. I just can't see why people want to hate one another so much that they want to kill them. If I don't like someone, I avoid them. I think maybe that's why I need assurance when I don't hear from people. I need to know its not because they don't like me, but they just need their time.  Lol This world is huge, and so many beautiful things to see, why can't we all embrace this, celebrate this, instead of fighting over it. Accept people for who they are. The same sex marriage issue, it should never have even been an issue. I suppose this is a rant? It's really more of a written down sigh, and shake of my head.  I love my friends, I trust a few with my life. I love my family ( and we are crazy lol) I try very accept people as they are. Or like I said I leave them be.  Oh well.  A faint Saturday post.  Ciao For  Now.

BUGS Why???

    I'm not a fan of bugs, I mean I dont think anyone is but I hate crawly things. Mice, snakes, reptiles of any sorts of non girly things i have no issues with,  but if t crawls and has legs I don't care for it. With the exception of possible crabs that are just delicious!   Its just like I cant stand slicing of anything,. Oh sure I've done it preparing food but the thought of someone attacking me with a blade and just slicing my skin makes me freak out. Well that and the fact of being attacked so all together a shitty scenario however its presented.  Well anyway, back to bugs, I'm just not into them. oh sure butterflies and lightning bugs (aka fireflies) are cool and dragon flies as well, bumble bees too,  these are pretty and I can overcome the dislike for a pretty outer look  Okay yes Im a superficial bug lover, don't judge me!   
      Well I'm at lunch just now we were discussing this spider that seemed to want to harass me several times yesterday by crawling along the top of my cubicle. of course every time I saw him i was on the phone and couldn't bring him to his death. Well we were talking and one guy Jordan said he did try to get him and he feel on the floor. I kept thinking, Oh great, I'm wearing a dress today and he's going to crawl up my leg and the entire office will se me jump higher than anyone would ever have thought whilst screaming like a little girl. Thankfully this did not happen and he has not shown himself today, so all is okay in spiderland today. One woman thought we had said a flying spider.  OMFG!! can you imagine such an insect? Oh hell no, just cancel my existing card, that is something nightmares are made of. A flying spider sounds like something Australia would have, really I mean it, they have some weird bugs over there. I'm talking prehistoric shit.   We get stinkbugs here.  They are basically brown bugs that remind me of a shield.  They just hang out, but if they get crushed they smell horrid, hence the name. Well i told the tale of one day i was at Target and was getting a shopping cart out front of the store and busy chatting on the phone with my Brother in law. This stinkbug had the nerve to fly into my handbag.  The nerve!! I flipped out and wouldn't touch my bag and BIL law is laughing at the choice words coming out of my mouth.  I actually asked a man that was walking by if he would be so kind as to take the tissue I held out and fetch said stinkbug out of my handbag.  he looked at me as if to say , lady you're crazy, but he did. I was so thankful. BIL couldn't believe I asked him to do that. Hell yeah i did.  So yes I am not a bug fan. As a matter of fact I even waited to see A Bugs Life on DVD instead of the theater.  So there ya have it, one of my kryptonites. 
   Well its almost time to get back from lunch as I am just chillin' listening to tunes on Pandora radio. So I will say Ciao for Now, I may be back later tonight, if not,  until next time. 

WOW - they shut the phones for lunch and no one is here to turn them back on  LMFAO   So we are all just hanging out    Okay then .....sigh    It's going to be busy in a little while.  Just saying.

Just Be

.    Comfortable
     Honest
     Happy
     Silly
     Adventurous
     Giving
     Silent
     Generous
Life is so many things, and sometimes it throws you everything all at once. It's been feeling like that lately. Through it all, I've freaked out, I acted stupid, I made self realizations. I also, right now, well I feel confident. I'm not going to stress on what I can't. Things like hubs getting a job. I can't hand him one, or make someone give him a position. I can concentrate on getting myself a better job, one that pays what I actually deserve. I can't lose 60-75 lbs immediately. I will lose it over time, more than likely another year and a half. I can handle that. I mean that first big loss took quite some time. I've settled that it's okay to see others weight losses on places like Facebook, and I can be happy for them.
I'm coming to terms with life, I'm set on doing new things, I'm reading more, watching TV less, I'm cooking with more spices, trying different foods. Hearts of Palm, verdict is meh, but I tried it. But I ask you, who eats a palm tree? Jicama? Verdict, excellent. Kind of an apple pear mix. Crunchy and cooling. Will be et again :-)   More to come.
I'm also dressing a bit differently.  Dresses, are showing up. I've got some heels, but the swelling on my feet is kind of putting a cabosh on them, but I have them, I will wear them.
My point is, I'm moving forward, or giving it a damn good try at least, despite my last few weeks. Lol
Here's to having fun, to being happy. I wish it for all of you peeps.  Until next time, Ciao For Now.

Happy Nature Time

.    So cruising my Pinterest boards and I'm drawn to foot soaks. Hey just got a pedi so why not keep the sausages goes looking pretty. So I have Epsom salts, baking soda, lavender oil, just need some vanilla and dried camomile flowers. I usually have camomile tea I can open a bag of,  but I was out. So off the Whole Foods I go. I also needed magnesium tabs and zinc tabs. Both great for leg cramps.
On my way there, while stopped at a red light, I look up at two birds flying and diving around with each other. Then I look to the side and two squirrels are chasing each other around a tree trunk. Playing with each other, I had to let out a giggle. Every creature enjoys playing. It was great to see.
     Right now, I'm mixing my coconut oil with some Shea butter and adding the lavender oil. It makes a rich creamy body lotion and it smells so good. It's great for nighttime as lavender is calming.  Lavender is great for lots of things, like I said it calms you. I used to keep a bottle of the essential oil in my desk drawer in case work got crazy. I'd sniff some and feel better. I can tell you, if you get a migraine. I'm talking a bad one, but not the I need a blindfold in a dark room with no noise kind of migraine. That's serious - go see a Dr.  But for a sinus migraine, sniff some essential lavender oil. It aleiviates the pain. If it doesn't take it away totally, it takes it way down to bearable. I just thought, today on the phone with my friend, we were both saying allergies were bad. I think lavender oil would help here too. I may try this tomorrow.  It's going to be a high of actual 99degrees F tomorrow, think the allergies will be kicking ass! Ugh.
     I love the feel of squishing the cream through my fingers, hehehe, like a kid. This cream is going to be nice. Smells great.
     The air is clearer today peeps, things are better understood. Gods I love my friend. I want so much good to come his way.  Sis and I chatted and her sitch is looking damn nice too. Awesome yay for her. Work is work and today was fookin busy but no truly annoying employees today, nice change. Not too much tonight guys. I'm going to cream up, so I'll say goodnight. Ciao For Now

The Sunday Report lol

     So at this moment I have my solstice candle burning. It's called Beach Plum from Yankee Candle. Figured it was appropriate. This is the Summer Solstice, here in the Northern Hemisphere. I call it Litha. It's time to embrace the warmth and the light that takes shape as love, as promises, desires. We see the start of what was planted and the beginnings of harvest time that will later come. I wish all reading this,  the joy and warmth of loved ones. I do not have an alter set up, but I do most of my rituals through meditations and inner thoughts. I do my ritual, so familiar to me, in my mind. I welcome the Goddess and God, I  thank them and ask for guideance. I mention my desires and ask for help with things troubling me. It helps, I feel the calmness. I truly feel more focused, and realizing  how I let my own thoughts cloud my intelligent judgement, forcing silly thoughts to be the more prevalent ones. Ugh. I had weak feelings but today I feel great. I had am amazing pedicure. The girl was wonderful, so meticulous. She made my little sausage toes look nice, with their deep red polish. Sandals at work tomorrow to show them off.  

     Friday I went out with some friends at work to celebrate a friend's birthday. We went to a hibachi place, the food was excellent and the chef was very good. I taped some, but missed getting the knife play :-( boo. The Saturday I splurged at The Container Store and bought containers.  LMAO Bet you didn't see that coming? I needed them for a few items I'm whipping up from my lotions and potions Pineteret page. (Go back a few blogs, it's in there)   Today was laundry, getting up to greet the sun AND it was Fathers Day. Called my dad and had a nice chat with him. The church he goes to was having a small cake & coffee get together after the last mass, so he was going there. I then called my uncle. Wished him a happy day as well. He and my Aunt were so sweet when I was in the hospital. I love them. Then the rest of the day was the pedicure, then picked up hubs, went for a drive. Home and here I am.  Going to have tea and some oat cookies I made for the solstice. I even have them Weight Watchers pointed out. Lol 

     Not sure about later but tomorrow starts another work week so I think it's an early night. That means in bed by 11ish. So until next time peeps, ciao for now. 

Simply Before All Other Blogs - I'm Sorry

I've been a loon this week. I wrote silly emails, left a vm and I hope they are taken with the goodness I meant but emails have no inflections.   I know they will be met with a bit of WTF and rightly so.  But I'm a crazy person sometimes and the week sucked more than the suckiest of suck weeks.
But today I am more normal, close enough for me. Lol. Okay next blog.

THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY

    I'm really having epiphanies daily it seems. I emailed one of the managers in payroll about 3 weeks ago and i sill have not heard back. I am the only one who is strictly HR.  I hate that I have to transfer every damn call when someone needs something so simple as a password reset. The fact the new people who just came in were taught to do this makes it even worse.  It was suggested by my director to reach out and I am in 100% agreement but I've yet to hear a darn thing.  Well to hell with it.  It will happen if an when it will I suppose.
    I emailed a friend today and I do hope I get to speak with him, I love him to bits and I need to clear the air, he means quite a bit to me. just wish he was closer. THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY indeed   Im going out tonight with friends and looking forward to this.   I'll be back lovlies     Ciao until then

Well Fuck Me Too

.    I'm sitting cross legged on my bed (yes I can do that), about a half hour ago I could feel tears running down my checks. Not sadness, a release. A cleansing. It was, I think, the worst day I have had in months! The employees were assholes, sans a few. I had to reprimand this one gentleman who started to yell the moment we started speaking. Sad thing, this is not uncommon. It happens often, and I have to be pleasant and let it slide off. Well this guy had bad timing. I spoke low and formidable. Told him that I was trying to help him and him yelling at me, when I have never spoken to him before, is not going to help us. He started to get loud and said he wasn't yelling. I told him he was, and if he continued I was going to disconnect the call. He finally calmed down but he was not willing to do anything to help the situation, so I opened a help ticket to the next level and well, let them deal with it. A few calls later I had a caller say he has spoken to me before and I'm always a joy, so sweet and sharp witted. Lol just proves you can't please everyone all the time. 

 

If I went over the top earlier, well I'm sorry but I am not keeping it bottled up anymore. I am still upset. I need a vacation alone. My friend dud it in NYC. I may do the same. I looked at apartments to let. It's quite doable for a week. Or maybe the beach. Not that I want to ignore anyone, but I need to get my head sorted on some things. I'm cool but I'm close to making some life changes methinks. Stay tuned if you still want to read after my rant. Ciao For Now

Everyone can FUCK OFF TODAY

I swear to God there is small handful of people who I am not angry with , very small , 2 maybe!! 
I am being yelled at, ignored, snarky responses, I've had it!! Everyone can just kiss my fat ass!!!!!!!!!!  
I have done nothing to deserve any of it and if people feel I have they are not telling me. So man (or woman) up and do so please!!  

That being said, it's like I mentioned in my last blog. I feel positive about myself, I will treat my family and friends with respect and love. Even the people on the phone I don't know get my patient understanding as that is my job. I am frustrated, I deserve to be treated with that same respect. Especially if I have not done anything to betray a trust or hurt someone. God knows I'm not perfect and if I ever do I want to know. I despise not knowing. I know this is not the way people are used to hearing from me and I have not changed that I have my few folks that I just love to pieces and I will always, they matter but I am just at my limit today. I have feelings and today they are coming out big time  LOL 

If I Could I Would - And I Just May

     I am a Pinterest junkie, I admit this freely. Its a great website.  You can find anything on there and its safe to open at work, unlike Tumblr. I dont have to worry about inappropriate photos popping up on my work screen. I save that for when I am home, as I rather enjoy inappropriate photos  LMAO  Well I did a major overhaul last night in my bathroom. I threw out old jars of lotions and potions that promised me the same face I had when I was 25. They were just gathering dust for two reasons. 1) They are old and you shouldn't use any cosmetic after too long sitting on the shelf and 2) I simply lost interest in them as they didn't work or I got bored and a new even better similar substance came out.   I did use the ones that were more expensive as I am not wasting money but over the years I learnt that many inexpensive ones worked just as well. This applied to most, EXCEPT one under eye concealer my friend introduced me to. He bought me a couple of the Touche Eclat concealers and they are marvelous. I will now use no other.  Over the years my face has of course changed. The smoothness is gone and wrinkles have appeared. I don't mind them. I earned everyone of them, and all things considered they are not that bad. I am 53 years old and I have seen women younger than me with the same or more amount of wrinkles  I was told the other day i am good at "that pout look" and I really am, I am a selphie queen I guess  LOL BUT things catch my eye and I bring them to notice, like one pic i have when I took time and did my make up really well and actually had much more on than I usually wear. I love the pic and the make up turned out very well if I do say so myself BUT I do not wear a lot of make up on a day to day basis. neither did my mother. She was not a glam woman but her beauty shone from the inside. I only hope that one day someone will say the same for me.  I have cleared that bathroom shelving and now intend to replace the bottles with homemade concoctions of my own that I find work very well. My own toothpaste, lip gloss, lip scrub and bath sugar scrubs.  One reason I love Pinterest. There are so many wonderful recipes for all of these and more. They include coconut oil which i now own a rather large jar of. It can be used to moisturize, of well you've heard me talk about it before. Its just that I adore it so much. I'm making a mask tonight to put on my hair to help with the dryness that dying it does to the hair.  Yep got the formula on Pinterest  :-D 
Look, here is me, no make up really, just a bit of gloss on my lips and yes I know I am in major need or a haircut, so fine, I'm shaggy, no pout, straight on, still fat but getting there. Really not my best pic but an honest one. I'm a happy woman as of late, and for some reason today I am feeling very powerful. So get ready, dont freak out, ME in all no make up glory......

See wrinkles but I'm smiling and i dont think I look bad for my age. I'm quite prod of getting her. trust me after antics in NYC during the mid to late 80's I sometimes think I'm luck I'm alive.   The crowd I traveled in was very free shall I say. I went to clubs and then "clubs" (names like Paddles, and Hellfire. The of course the dance clubs, Magique, The Tunnel, Danceteria, Limelight. 

Oh peeps my 20's were fantastic!! LOL 

Anyway, getting back to Pinterest and life in general I guess.Simplify is the word of the day! I'm trying and I will keep getting recipes and formulas from Pinterest, as well as look at mid century mad men furniture and drool over it. hahahaha

 I think what I'm trying to say is that I've finally embraced who I am. I think everyone should. Never be afraid to say yes I have lived, I've struggled, I fucking survived what life has thrown at me.  I crumble sometimes, oh hell I do, my close friends know this all too well, but I bounce back. I always will too. 

     Getting back , again, to the topic I started with, there was one really. LOL I am stripping down my life, trying to simplify things around me. I will get my hair done as I am vain about my hair, Do not judge that from the pic above  LOL As you can see i have no problem looking shaggy.  I will always be the gal who spills pizza sauce on her blouse or accidentally causes a waiter to trip over her purse in a restaurant, and blush abut it. LOL   I just want to clean out the things in my life that take time and by doing this I also have a way to use my time so I don't get bored and eat.  I'm not going to obsess anymore on this, Im eating better I am losing and FINALLY my ankles are not looking like two blimps at the end of the day. HIZZAH!!  I want to be able to in the near future take a photo of my cabinet in my bathroom and show you all the fun things I've made.   Okay  I think I may have had too much tea today, LMAO so i will say Ciao For Now 

As I Sit And Drink My Coffee

     So far so good but I'm always a bit cautious as not to jinx myself but today seems better than yesterday. OMG the wackadoodles were out in full force. I had one chick arguing with me that her fiancee is her spouse.  I wanted to tell her to read a dictionary. So she asked me what type of spouse is the policy referring to?  Um...really?! The kind where you have a legal document saying you are married, as in husband and or wife.  She just wasn't grasping the concept. All I can hope is that she doesn't breed. UGH!!
     I was up reading so late last night. I looked at the clock and it said 2:30 and I yelled at myself to go to sleep, but of course I kept saying one more chapter, one more chapter. So of course my asrse is dragging this morning.   Not a lot going on this morning, but I was taking a peek at the menu of the place we are going to on Friday. Its a Japanese restaurant that about 20 of us are going to on Friday evening after work. Its a guy at work's birthday and I was invited to join the festivities so heck yeah, Im in. Will be fun to hang out and have some drinks and laughs. Nice way to end the week.
     I so want to do that paint thing and hubs said he would do it also. DONE!! I'm looking to see what paintings are available. he's not a bar guy really so I'm looking at the ones that are in restaurants instead. Its in my head to do this and well I can be a bit impatient when I get a thought in my head. I know that's hard to imagine  ;-D    I know Sis will do it, but the fact that hubs is interested is huge!!
I have no idea what happened just now but the guy sitting next to me is muttering fuck fuck fuck fuck  HAHAHAHA and 3 people just are walking around all eating bananas. Just funny, You'd laugh to if you were here. LMAO
    I will be back later with more oh so scintillating musings ;-D    Ciao peeps

Looks Like A Blog Occured Anyway. LOL

     I finally told my husband I can't take this anymore. I don't want to live here anymore. I didn't mean I don't want to live with him, I meant I don't want to live in this house anymore. It's never been my house. It was his mother's house. I agreed to live here for reasons that seemed to make sense at the time. Ifyou asked me now, I'd be hard pressed to list even one. The 17 years I've lived down here seemed to have gone by in a flash. I've thought of millions of future plans, and the future just never seemed to become the present. I've been working on a new kitchen for more years than I care to admit. Each year hopeful this will be the one, but something happens and stymies it. Oh the small fixes happen. I'd go crazy if they didn't. I've picked up a paint brush and gave the bathroom vanity a facelift of sorts. It was my first try at painting a cabinet. It looks okay, but can use another coat. But it has a sort of unplanned rustic charm. Yeah, we'll go with that! Lol I look at decorating magazines with as much lust in my heart as a teenage boy looking at Playboy. I keep up my mantra of one day, one day.  Well I'm tired of it, I want it soon. So today I mentioned it, calmly, stating my reasons and this was met, not with the usual instant road block, but today there was a discussion. An honest one, I actually heard an admittance of nerves and slight fear. More than a little frustration, and resolve that perhaps it's time to move.
     Of course my first choice is NYC. I went to Zillow and looked at homes out on Long Island. I love the Island. You have beaches, and farms and wine country. I prefer north shore to south mainly because the north gets less snow. It's not in as direct a path as the south shore. Even when hurricanes Irene & Sandy hit the south shore got hit much worse. Homes were cheaper than I thought. This having to do with how far they were out. I'm talking railroad to get to Manhattan. But to me it's great talking the train in and also having the open feeling of the Island. Wether or not this will come to pass, I don't know. I do know I can't stay here. It's draining me and as I heard in a song, you can't put a band aid on a bullet wound. Try as I might, I'm not 100% me here, never will be. It's better than it used to be, but it's not me. Not this area anyway. So I made my stance and we shall see what comes of it. What would my final move be. Would I move myself? I sometimes think I could. Then I look at my husband, his face looking so forlorn when he doesn't think I notice. it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart though also when I look in the mirror. I see the stress I'm feeling as well. My body is talking it's fucking time recovering from these blood clots. Dr said it could be 2 or 3 months before I feel normal again. Normal? Me? Horrible thought. Lol.
      I feel sometimes like I went so far, I pulled on that rubber band, getting out more and more, and then wham, it snapped back. I don't speak to my friends much anymore. I've called and texted, but one can only reach out so much. I miss FaceTime but you have to let people live their lives and hope they think fond thoughts of you the same way you do of them. I don't always abide my own words and then I end up feeling like I intruded or did/ said something dumb. Only person I truly speak with regularly now would be sis. I'm thinking to ask if she wants to have an outing next time I'm up. Take the ferry to fire island and go shopping and drinking lots of fun boat drinks. Look at gorgeous men wearing very small bathing suits. Of course they'll be gay, it being Fire Island, but it's still nice to look, and they love big gals. LMAO  I think that would be fun. I can count on her to want to do things. I'm going to take a long weekend in August for this. Hopefully I'll see my friend from England in July. Hit up a cool bar in Manhattan perhaps. Visit a museum or something equally fun. It's always a rare treat. I will ask him to bring some tea and Costa coffee if he'd be so kind. I'll pay him of course. Hell I still have £15.00 I can give him. Lol
      Well peeps, I'll leave you all here. Going to bed.  Ciao For Now

Sorry Guys

No blog today, check back. Ciao For Now

Oh Yeah, The Weekend.

     It was good. The end.    Lmao. Nah we will start Friday night, the drive up was non eventful and swift. Always a good thing. I was on the NJ Turnpike and going a steady 70 mph, I normally go a tad faster, but I was wondering how it was so steady a speed then I saw. Two motorcycles up ahead. Holding a steady driving pattern, book perfect. Obviously seasoned riders. So as I get closer I see why. I see colors on their jackets then I switched lanes and got closer. Yep, they were Hell's Angels. Lol yep, all us hard asses drive the turnpike at midnight. :-)   Got to dads about half midnight. Damn good time, which I think I paid for today on the ride home. 7 hours, I was so tired. Of course in Maryland we ran into a rainstorm, thunder , lightning, the whole package.  Considering it took 4 hours and 20 minutes getting there, I think you can understand how I was feeling. Didn't eat dinner even when I got home tonight, just drank two huge glasses of water and two cups of tea. I was thirsty. I try not to drink too much on these drive, don't want to make frequent wee stops.
     As always, had a great time with sis. She had never been to the Cheesecake Factory before so I decided it was time. We are both good normally food wise I'm talking, so when I come up, every 5 weeks or so, we splurge a little. Okay thus time a lot. We had some drinks then appetizers then cheesecake. Truthfully I think getting appys is the way to go here. If you order a meal don't get an appetizer as it will be so much food. I mean you want cheesecake right? Right? Yes, of course you do. Lol hardest thing is to pick what kind. And it's good, really good. We had a nice waitress too. We had a tattoo conversation, where she mentioned how great to have one drawn for you, so of course I had to show her the one my friend did for me. It's awesome to wear ink that someone you care about drew for you. It's uber special and he was so sweet to do it.  He's a good friend :-D I want to get another done of that drawing, where they do the hair the way he drew it. I have his original, framed on my wall. Unless he may draw me something else.....maybe maybe, pretty please. Lol
     Well, I told my dad about my blood clots. I had to. He's so good to me and I love him. I don't keep secrets from people I keep in my heart. But it had to be face to face, this way he could see I am okay. He was so cute, when I was going out Saturday he asked, are you going near stores? I asked why and that I could of course. He asked if I'd get him some slippers. Of course I'm going to. Even if I was no where near a store, I'm going to be. I wish he had mentioned it, I would have brought them up with me. Then he trys to give me money for them. Um no Daddy. They are slippers, not Tom Fords. Father's Day is next weekend and so there is his giftie. He wants nothing and truth be told I can't afford anything above the slippers. The struggle is very real, but the huge costs were helped by uncle SAMs tax return. Although now gone. But it was used wisely and helped a great deal. I love him, I do get morbid thoughts of how long will I see him. He is in good health though so no reason to think bad things.
    So tomorrow is back to work. I don't mind my new 9 to 5 schedule as much as I though. Oh I have new sneakers to wear at the gym ( I'm going back, but slowly, dr still hasn't said okay - I figure if I can walk the stairs in my house with her okay, I can do a slow treadmill no incline)  so the reason I have new sneakers us thanks to suspect. Of course she has 5 new pair. LMAO yep she bought a few. I went all out and bought 2 pair of $2.99 flip flops. Living large ladies and gents living large.
     I am putting this iPad down and going to bed. It's almost midnight and I still have to wash my face.  So as usual, Ciao For Now.