I was to start a rigerous 3 day food plan but I forgot my bread today, so I am starting tomorrow AM. I have stalled big time. I gained the few pounds over the holidays but I lost them and now I'm back to 41 pounds gone and yet I FEEL bigger than I did a month ago. It's a strange thing, the mind I mean. You see the loss on the scale but you don't feel the loss and you again are scared , you've come so far and I think I am beginning to understand the weekly meeting mentality. I am losing and it's become part of my life now, at first it was new and very exciting and the weight came off quick, as water will do that. Now though it's settled into a routine and no one asks anymore or says how good you look. You realize that you need that, I need that. I see everyone at work every day so it's not picked up because now instead of 3 and 4 pounds a week you are losing 1 or gulp even a 1/2 so it's not really noticible. You need new clothes so you have lost but your eyes don't see the difference anymore. I so HATE feeling needy and try to always rely on my own self but we all have our inner fears I suppose. One cool thing today, I waved at a lady at work today and as I did my ring flew off my finger. Guess my fingers are getting thinner. I did get my ring back....no worries. Lol
Kind of a continuation of yesterday. Choices we are given, what happens to us and to others with those choices. Scenario: You are in a great mood, having lovely conversation, and you are enjoying your friends company. Something occurs that is a wonderful opportunity for your friend and you think they are pleased, I mean they told you news, they shared with you; and in the very least the fact that thid has occured and they are considered, shows the intergrity and intelligence of your friend. You truly wish nothing but the best for them, they deserve nothing less BUT you all of a sudden have very selfish thoughts. It would mean far less contact with them than ever. The thought makes you so very sad yet you would never let on because , hell no one is that much of a bitch. This is someone you care about and would do anything you could for, so you kid around but offer congratulations at the same time there is a teeny micro particle of you that is thinking NO!! Then the fact that you would even think that makes you feel guilty. You know you would be the first one at the going away party wishing good luck!! How would you handle it? The fact is that it may not even come to fruition and it's not your call anyway, you have no rights here NONE! Truth is you know you can be an obsessive selfish child at things like this and you are just simply afraid of losing your friend. Sigh Of course it's all hypothetical & I overthink things WAAAAAAY too much :-D
I wrote when I first started this blog that I would write how I was feeling good or bad and today is kind of a downer day. I hate being that way, I mean who wants to hang around negative people? I sure as hell don't, but sometimes even the most upbeat person has those days where they just need a little extra affection. I dont mean the joking , winding each other up but a serious vote of confidence. I think the pressure of the last week and the fact that this one doesn't seem to be shaping up any different is taking its toll. Even the peeps here at work who I know go out on the weekends said they stayed home this weekend because they were tired. It's affecting everyone. Shake it off Mary - Shake it off. I swear Mondays can SUCK!!!
I am a very fun woman, I mean why would the people I love put up with me otherwise? lol I am going to call it a night but leave you with this photo, I think it's great!
Bitch !!! LOL
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