And Now The End Is Near

of my NYC trip I mean. Its been a blast, got my haircut finally (a little short but it will grow), saw Sis, saw some friends I haven't seen in a long time. And have not had pizza or bagels on this trip, a first for me.
     Its weird, the more I am focusing on weight loss the more I am coming to terms with acceptance. Acceptance of myself, that not everyone looks, feels, or acts like the next person, and thats perfectly okay. That what works for one doesnt need to work for the other. Individuality baby, thats the key. Be the best you ever!!  
     Theres also been some sadness this trip. I didnt get to see my friend from Maine as her mom is in the hospital, she has pneumonia. Another friend, her mother has bacterial meningitis, and a 3rd, her dad is being biopsied and also has fluid around his kidneys.  I tell you, I thank the heavens for my dad everyday. All in all, he's probably healthier than me.
     I also got hooked on a Netflix show titled Versailles. SO GOOD!!! See I finished Grace & Frankie, and this came up as a suggestion.  Two thumbs up.
     There is more but Im not sitting correctly and its uncomfortable to type so I say ciao for now :-D

Are Ya Ready For This

     So Monday was kind of a float day. Spoke with a dear friend and got caught up with him, spoke with Sis. She's so busy, she needs to rest. I'm going to pick her brain when I come up. I've got to get a handle on my weight. I've gone down the rabbit hole & I need to climb back out.  I did get unemployment started but since I technically got 5 weeks of pay in lieu, it could prevent me getting unemployment for an additional 5 weeks. That really sucks.  I got a lump sum and a lump sum of tax took almost half
     Tuesday went slowly. I did get to Trader Joes, I didn't get much as I really didn't look around. The reason? This creeper dude get starring at me and following me around the store, so I left.  Had a good spot too lol
Soooooo fast forward a week. Yep a week's gone by. Got my pin to use for identification finally from the good old Commonwealth. Registered my direct deposit. Now to look for work.  I've put out resumes, wrote down where do on Sunday I can enter them into the database. They want to see you actually applying for work. So be it.
I'm off to NYC but I can't sleep.  Getting up at 7 to shower.  Bags all packed already.  Got to pick up some treats for dad in the morning. And off I will go.  I have a few items arriving there as well. It's going to rain and I needed a new umbrella, so I purchased a rather funky one. It'd a big purple flower design.  A bit gaudy but it's more quirky. It makes me smile and we need smiles on rainy days.  The other is a pink tea kettle. I brought home so much tea from work, do I bought an electric kettle to put in my bedroom.  I spend a lot of time there so this way when I'm relaxing watching Netflix I can just brew a cup of tea right there. I just want to make it my little sanctuary. Dad has a kettle but you need to turn on the stove, this will be faster.
I'm looking forward to this trip.  Oh peeps I had a fucking meltdown the other day. Maybe end of last week.  I'm much better now though.  I have realized several things.  I over think sometimes (shocker I know lol), I am not always into changes in my routines (so much like my dad on that one) and I use food as a crutch. But like any crutch, it's instant gratification, then remorse.  This will stop.  It has to.
Ugh almost 1am.  Why can't I sleep.  I'm upset. I was reading about that old man that was shot in cold blood. In his mid 70's. He was just walking home after Easter dinner.   May he rest in peace, poor man.  Oh his poor family.  It made me scared for my dad. He walks every day. I fear for him but I can't tell him not to.  I just pray the Goddess keep him safe. It's going to be great seeing him too. So with that I'm going to end my blog.  I will have another soon.  So until then, ciao for now

One Day More (& I Don't Mean The Song)

     I went into the system and my reduction in Force information is there. So it's all on paper now and the T's are crossed and the I's dotted.  At least my pay in lieu is in there so thats a plus. Until the tax is taken out  LOL  but hey its extra $ and that's good. I apply for unemployment on Monday and then the week after Easter I will go to see my dad.
Which is going to be lovely. Sis and I are going to go have lobster and catch up. Can't wait!
Plus I am going to cook up a storm for dad.  The kitchen in my NY home is bigger than the one I have in VA. So I like to take advantage of it.
    Im looking out the window at the rain coming down. It feels right somehow.  Im having such mixed emotions, Im sure they will pass.   Im taking all this as a new start, new me :-)

Nothing really going on, so hope you are all having a great day
Ciao for now

Step one...

You know when you should be sleeping but your body is like, sleep? Fuck no, I'm wide awake. Yep it's like that tonight.
Okay let's talk Fitbit. That high tech device that everyone seems to have now and don't other companies jump in on it? Yeah well I have one, it's a Alta HR. HR stands for heart rate in case you were scratching your head on that one. So it resets your steps at midnight. Party animal that I am, I'm asleep, :-)  so when I wake and walk to the bathroom in the morning and see I've taken 72 steps I actually audibly say "huh?"
My toilet is about 12 steps from my bed
, so how the hell did I get 72? Go back into the bedroom and sure enough it now reads 83. Wait I've lost a bathroom step, that's only 11! Wave my hand, 84.  Much better that's 12. So now I wonder what did I do while asleep to get all the steps? Did I direct traffic in the living room, walk around the kitchen table? Or do I toss and turn that much? That has to be it. I never wake in the same position I start out. So how fucking cool is that. I'm losing weight while I sleep.
Hey Mary, you've lost weight, you working out?
No, had a good night's sleep.
I will figure this out, makes about as much sense as celery being negative calories. Yeah​... Look it up!

Alive And Well (getting there at least)

    Its been a rough 5 days peeps, got hit with a bad sinus infection. Thought it was just a migraine at first, which is bad enough, but nope I do nothing half assed! So I am at work now finally and I'm trying not to cough as that send a searing pain through my head.
    It fucking ecos in here lately, there are less and less people here. My last week next Friday and the few stragglers will be the following week.  I'm surprised Im still here. I'm doing emails (all caught up) and going over the ticket the India team are doing.  I hold nothing against these folks, they are just trying to work. My anger is at my company, they are going for the cheap option and I really have no clue of the future they have. I don't see it lasting long,  The merger of the new company is producing a brand new company and Im sure those in the other company have people going through the same thing I am. Like I said many times I wanted to leave on my terms, twas a nice idea LOL
Ive also been ill more lately, my immune system is shot methinks from all the stress. new financial issues, thankfully my angels are near to me.
    Im clearing out my emails as I'd gotten lax in this and as I go through the names and groups the issues come flying back to me. Much help was given and some thanks given in return. A lot from one employee who i do remeber well as they were trouble, several like that LOL But other emails that make you smile and get sentimental. Sincere thanks and kudos from employees that cc'd your manager and that's what customer service is about right?  Ive done this for over 25 years in so many different variation which is why Im looking in different departments now as well as this one. We shall see what comes up.  The real issue with customer service is that you aren't trained in any one thing, you are trained in a little of everything. So i know expense and travel, I know payroll, I know compliance and of course I know HR (my baby for 9 years)  I also know the working how how an envelope is made (no joke) and the shipping and marketing for an ice tea product who's company I worked in corporate for.  So I can handle most things, learn most anything, but how do you get people to see that, when you can't show them a masters degree or at least a bachelor's. Ive had more than one person tell me i could never do what yu do, you have to know so much as well as be a therapist  LOL Well the pay scale for jobs like these don't show it and here I am middle aged, not that that matters as I neither look nor feel it. Although I feel more a pensioner at the moment  LOL So here I  am feeling quite emotional  LOL  in the words of a dear friend  Soppy Cow i am  
Ciao for now peeps

You Know When...

...you think things are bad and then BAM!!! they gets worse?  I'm being dramatic, as its not worse, it's more a lateral chaos.  So now instead of having the new India employees watch me as i share my screen on skype they are now sharing theirs. We have been taking training turns with the latest 5 newbies and I had them two days ago, the girl today is getting the same issues with then as I did so at least I know it isn't just me. LOL   They now have access and we all feel they should sit with the people who got access last week and are taking calls all week now You learn better that way, that's how we do it here. You shadow someone to see what they do and you can hear the calls yourself.
Ive trained so many people this way, it works well.  ANyway, now I am reviewing their tickets and marking errors and having them fix them. Plus I am on skype to answer all their questions as they speak to the people calling in. No lie, I had 4 of the India people skyping me with questions all at once it got a bit hectic. Whats frustrating is that you tell them the steps as well as our other people training them have and yet they do not do them.  We cant see if they are taking notes or what, but they are asking questions we know we all went over many many times.  ANYWAY!!!! its over on the 7th  Mixed emotions there for sure    I have drank so much tea Im getting good exercise just getting up to go wee so much  LOL

I got the new fit bit as the other died and even added a new band to it so it is silver. It looks even more like a watch now  :-D   I have been being bad, as I mentioned but i need to ground & center myself and get back on track. Im not being weak, I'm being apathetic which is really bad.  So butter my butt and call me a biscuit Im going to be good again.  I'm still just as pretty though LMAO

So ciao for now peeps just wanted to say hi as I sip my Yorkie Gold tea and take a moment away from the crazy that is my office :-)


ADDING THIS:

I am really agitated and I can't even say it to whom I'm upset with. UGH!!!!!  Don't you hate that? And that makes you even more agitated. lol  Venting helps  :-D

First in many months

     I've been keeping a stiff upper lip about losing my job. My mind says hey do what you must but Friday at work the first wave so to speak left. I said goodbye to 6 people iced worked with, laughed with for years. The office was strangely quiet after they left. I am sad. I am mad, I am scared.
     I've been dieting for months and doing really well. But I've been stressed. I get these bouts of tears at night.  I have been taking my Valium to actually get a full nights sleep.  I can't smoke a bowl as I will need to be taking a drugs test. Although I don't consider herb any more crazy than liquor. Not even as bad. BUT it is what it is. Now tonight hubs and I are relaxing and I was like fuck it. We've drank some beers and laughed. Now beer doesn't get me drunk, Guinness treats me nice,  but beer, unless it's a good beer like Killians or Peroni, takes me at least a 6 pack to get a buzz. Now thesis PBR, a classic but what I like to call pee beer.  It's what you drank in the garage at 15, before you found Heineken lol. But I had 3 and I've not had any alcohol, so I'm buzzed. Maybe because it is cheap beer it's hitting me. My bet is on the not having anything alcoholic but I'm enjoying this feeling. It's hot in here, it's raining so it's humid. But I put the fan on.  I got some fuckin killer burps out too. I'm talking epic!
     I'm listening to Chuck Berry, he died today. Damn shame but he was 90. He was married to the same woman and seems like his life was good. May he RIP
     Did I tell you, we watched Sausage Party. Holy shit!! I was crying, it was laugh out loud funny. The ending, omfg!! Watch it.  
I'm off for now but hope you're weekend is going great, ciao for  now

Happy St. Patrick's Day

This is a day of mixed feelings for me. When I was young I loved it, Im half irish (dad's side) so I celebrated my Celtic heritage -  I still am drawn to it but now I also follow the old ways. The nature based Celtic religion, call it Wicca, call it Witch , call it pagan. I find it comforting and I personally do not like organized religion.  (sorry tangent)
But ST.Patrick drove the "snakes" out of ireland.  Um they don't have snakes per say. They were referring to the Druids. This makes me angry.  Preach your religion but don't demand I follow it. So for me today is a celebration of my heritage and not necessarily St.Patrick.  Oddly enough my Dad's dad was born on this day as was my Sis' mom.  So thats good reason to celebrate the day

So I wish you all Luck, and Love and something good to drink and eat.

So what does an Irish lass as herself eat for lunch on St. Paddy's day? Why sushi of course HEHE
Today it is Unagi (eel)with avocado and a trade with a co worker for a few shrimp with avocado :-)
There were leftovers,  so I gave them to my co-worker to finish, he got another 5 pieces of mine  lol

So Ciao for now peeps, until next time

Palette Of Life

Blank canvas - she reaches for her brush
what to paint, she wants to paint what she feels
reaches for yellow, such a happy color but she chooses the darker shade 
still yellow but not as pure
life has dulled a bit
maybe a little more bleach in her life
get rid of the roadblocks and bugs 

Perhaps a little blue now
oh yes a rich deep blue
color of oceans 
color of sadness
color of calm
feeling all at once can make you feel crazy

Red is the next
passion, anger, blood
blood spilled in anger 
blood appearing in passion
carnage all around
controlled chaos 
ruby red liquid in a glass

Lets go green now
save the planet, save ourselves 
lush grass under bare feet
smell of summer, smell of earth
in the sky green shows storms coming
going from lush to lost
in one small plot of grass

and after the storm 
Look
a rainbow
all the pretty colors
she looks at her canvas
she sees them all there
each one holding meaning
holding her truths
holding her fears 
holding her down

Slowly she reaches for the brush
pure white is the choice 
time to redo
remove
rebuild 
restart
and 
remember
It can all begin over
she walks away and on her canvas 
no longer blank 
is one word

FORGIVENESS

A Huge Thanks

I know there are a few of you who read my blog quite often. Is it to see into my weird thoughts, interesting tales or simply to see how many words I spell incorrectly?   The latter I'm betting. Lmao Well no matter what the reason, I want to say THANK YOU  I truly appreciate it.  You matter quite a lot to me.  It's quarter to one in the morning and I can't sleep so I just wanted to let you all know.  About the thankful thing, not the lack of sleeping part.  -_-
Ciao For Now peeps

By All Accounts

     In my life I think I've lost about 160 pounds. I've been living on and off for probably 17 years. Oddly I've never gained back my original loss of 45 pounds way back in 1997, which for those of you who know me, can realize - I'm a large unit. So I've lost weight and gained some back, in doing this several times I've lost my tits mainly.  So not fair, that when I gain it back, it never goes back to them.  I must stay on track this time, if for the sake of the girls.  Like I've told my friend, they are starting to look like two empty wallets.  I've been rather sick. Got that flu like bug that so many are getting. I've gained almost 2 pounds. Had soup with crackers and not eating right.  Yesterday for the first time I made a roast. Felt good to cook. Poor hubs was playing nursemaid, now he's feeling poorly. I have cottage cheese and strawberries for my snack tomorrow, protein shake for breakfast then salad with some avocado for lunch. Dinner is leftover roast with some form of veg. Thinking brussells. Very healthy day, and as you can see, quite filling. It's coming in at about 725 calories.  My fitness pal wants me at 1200, my doctor says at least 1000 but agrees with 1200. Maybe 2 veg, I love asparagus so I may have that too. That's a sampling of food, I do sometimes crave the goodies. Especially these past few days. When I'm sick, I want comfort food. (That's if it's not intestinal) Lol.  

I'm actually a very lucky woman. I have a stent, so life has been forgiving to me, in the fact that I'm here. My stent was a surprise. My Doctor told me that if I needed one, it's in a good place, away from my heart.  It's a family thing, my mom, my uncle and my cousins all have heart issues. So why am I so stupid in the fact I let myself go? Dr said it has more to do with family history than body size. Maybe, but why tempt fate? So I'm down 57 pounds now, ( well 55 again) & have always to go but it's a fine start. So here's to us all who are watching what we eat. 

      Another issue and it kind of goes hand in hand, is I  will be needing to interview for a new job shortly.  As I mentioned a few times, I will no longer be at my company, as my position is being outsourced. So I'll be interviewing, and I really hate the little glances you get when your fat. They think you don't notice, but you do. Newsflash. I feel more comfortable interviewing with an older person to be honest. Those younger women, you know,  the ones who have ankles, tend to judge you a bit harsher. Look, I did my stint wearing 3 or 4" heels to work back in the day, now I go for the 2.5" or kitten heels when I interview.  I still look good, hair and make up in place but gods, hearing all the thanks but no thanks, it gets to you. I am taking a little time to sort myself out. Visit NYC for a solid week or little more. Do a few things in my own home that need more than a weekends attention. Of course, I am applying for unemployment. So it should be fine for a few months. But I'd like to be set in a position by summertime. So fingers crossed and all good wishes appreciated. 

     Well, it's half 10 and I'm going to go shower so all I need to do in the morning is wash my hair. I must get to work. Gave to go train my replacements. Fuckin A!! So until next time - ciao for now. 

 

Well....

BOLLOCKS - TWATWAFFLE - CUNT - MOFO 
So hows your day ? LOL   

Actually just getting out a little frustration. I'm actually really good today. Today is Theodor Seuss Geisel's birthday AKA Dr, Seuss.  So may wonderful stories and quotes that we all grew up and learned from. I love his works and one of my favorite quotes is :Why Blend In When You Were meant To Stand Out"    
Just a great validation to read to yourself every day as we often forget that we all have something to bring to the table. 

So that's it for today, remember this quote and have a fab day 
Ciao For Now :-) 

Ash Wednesday (or the day after gluttony day lol)

    Yep, yesterday was Fat Tuesday, Pancake Tuesday if you'd rather. People all over are eating pancakes and having King cakes and trying not the eat the plastic baby inside them. LOL  My favorite is the masks.  I adore them, The ornate carnival masks and the sexy lace ones, be still my heart! I will get to New Orleans one day and shake my boobs to get some beads, one day!!  LOL
    So now the good catholics of the world are waking up with headaches and a touch of regret for the indulgences of the night as they head into work bleary eyed. I myself am fine  lmao. I am , as my hubby says , a recovering catholic. I've been pagan for about 30 years, I went back to the old Celtic religion and have never looked back.
    I went to Catholic school for 12 years, which explains a lot!! HAHAHA   And this day is one that I always hated! I didn't like being "marked"  Says the girl with 12 tattoos  (smirk)  Thing is some of the priests were just over zealous and I swear even with soap and water it felt that the ashes never came off.  I wore bangs during grades 1 - 8 for just this reason. Then sometimes if there were too many ashes they would fall into your eyes during the day.  Ugh I just hated it. This is funny though and fairly accurate

So Im here at work and we are training all the replacements and although they are very nice I can't help being annoyed that I have to do this. Does this make me a bad person?   That's why I haven't been on much, every day its been so draining, I get home and I just want to sleep. Its not even physical tired just mentally draining!! And that hurts!! ;-)

So I just wanted to say hi and I'll be back peeps  so until then ciao for now

Rise And Shine

    What creams my corn, busts my buttons, and generally gets my feathers ruffled is when I get new jeans and the damn rise is not correct.  Sis has the issue but for her the rise is too high, mine is too short.  Since I am ample both front and back I like a higher rise in my jeans. Now I don't mean I want the waistband right under my tits but I'd like it a but higher than my hips. I feel that they slip down if they sit at my hip level. I like them a little over my hips, I like to be hugged by my jeans LOL  Seriously, I must be the oddest shape, I have a little inseam (24") but my tummy , although going down nicely, is still larger so I need the higher rise, My butt is not bad so in the back the jeans are fine but if I pull it up in the front I get a very large camel toe"ish" thing that just will NOT do. I do not want to look like a person from Walmart. just because I'm fat doesn't mean I need to look unkempt or sloppy. I hate when I see that on others. To each their own I suppose. I like to think I always look decent. I can look damn well fabulous also, this I know. hehe I just want to wear a pair of jeans that are a good length and do not split my front in half so one can not tell if I'm coming or going!  Or give me a quick thrill from rubbing me when I sit down. (wide eyes here - oosh )
     So my time of redundancy has been pushed back to the 24th of March, for now at least. It may go even more, which would be nice.  Thing is that they are having issues with getting them access to all the programs we use. Plus we are training them using Skype meetings, so its not as hands on as it probably should be.  Down here in VA we have some idiot good ole boys that are not going to be happy about this switch. Oh well I guess it will not be my problem anymore. Sigh....
I'm just going to work here as long as they will let me, and squirrel away as much as I can.  Part of me wants to have a little time home to get house in order and hit up the farmer's markets that always seem to be  open on Mondays and Wednesdays. The Saturday ones are fun but crowded LOL  I can also take a week or two and go to NYC to see friends and my cousins whom I never get to see anymore. And I can do this during the weekdays, NICE!! Plus when I start my new job i will not get a vaca for quite some time so it will be nice to relax a bit as long as the bank account is okay. LOL   Hell if it gets bad I'll deliver pizza if I have to.  Honest work is honest work.
     Its been so warm here for February, yesterday it was 77 degreesF and today is supposed to be the same or a tad bit higher.  Last night I  got up to put the fan on in the bedroom around 2:30 AM
It says that its 76 out now at its 4pm in the afternoon
I just finished all my training session and omg Im am asking if they have any questions, and all I hear is NOTHING!!! They are good they say, I am amazed that they have no questions, I would have them as we covered a lot of different kind of calls, we did tax questions, floral tributes, benefits inquiries, expense questions   ugh I just hope they are ready and we already know they will not bring us back once we are gone.  I couldn't care less for the company but some of these employees I know and I hate to think they will not get good answers anymore. Ah well its over until Monday so time to go home tonight and do the naked happy dance at home LMAO  - Im out of here in about 20 minutes so  Ciao For Now :-D

Just saying hi

     Good Morning peeps, so today is our pot luck at work. One of the guys here is making chili so I made Rosemary garlic bread to go along with it. I stopped and bought a 1 pound brick of butter from the market that has local dairy. This stuff is outrageous, well as exciting as butter can be  LOL   But at least it will be nice to have a hour long relaxing time for us all to eat and chat. A break from all the training we are doing to help the new people.
     I had such a nice time in NJ, I made some Irish soda bread to rave reviews, that pleased me very much. I love when people enjoy what I bake or cook.  Sis made very yummy filet mignon and tomato salad.  As she and mom say it's all in the spices. As you know Sis and I are not blood related so this was the first time i was meeting her parental units  (lol)  Its so odd I've never met them before as I've known Sis for so many years.  But they are such lovely people and I enjoyed my time there so much. I hope to do this again as often as Sis can get off to go down to see them. They are a half way between Sis and me so its an ideal meeting point.  Plus the weather was incredible, high 60's in FEBRUARY unreal.
     Hubs and I have been chatting as he had a really bad night the other night. he is in such pain with is back and it must be, as he mentioned actually looking for another doctor. Up to this point he has refused as he has been to so many already. We also talked about if i cant find another job here once this one is over. I may just look in NYC near my dad and on Long island.  Then just see hubs on the weekends.  Who knows  I know thats crazy as he will never move to NY, not Queens anyway.   Im sure I will get a job down here in VA though.  maybe I'll win a lottery and it wont matter at all.  How nice that would be LOL  
     Well I hope all is well with everyone and I will be back, just checking in
Ciao For Now

Yesterday and from this point on..

Oh the joy of training your replacements!!!    We got an email this afternoon announcing the name of the new company and here's what will be happening, and we hope you are all on board and blah blah blah, thanks for all your hard work. WAIT!  Did you really just say that in the email you fucker!!??  The CEO of this company can kiss my fat ass in Macy*s front window!  I have been a bit upset but this email today boasting about how great this will be and that they are focused on the future really got me fuming.  So you outsource your employees for cheaper labor not caring as you (the CEO) sits in his high office making 20 mil a year in salary.  Not even mentioning for 5 years we saw no bonus or cost of living raises in pay, we saw nothing of this wonderful yearly returns. I like the people I work with and I am sorry I will not have a familiar working establishment to go to in the mornings, but the cold workings of business I do not understand. Its the worker bees that get fucked all the time.

On another, happier note--
We are having a party on the 22nd, a pot luck, and everyone is bringing something. I'm bringing meatballs, I'll make my gravy (sauce to the rest of you) on Monday as its a US holiday and I am home and I'm also home Tuesday, took a day off to go to the eye doctors and just relax.  Other than that, I had cheesecake last night at our Valentine's dinner, I loved it, I make no apologies for it BUT my tummy wasn't happy the rest of the night.  So back to eating better today, but it was chocolate raspberry and it was goooooooood!! LOL   Ciao For Now

Sunday, or as I call it Slug day

So the month is going fairly quickly for some reason. I've been sorting out finances, like canceling my 401k contribution so I won't have a huge deduction on my final check. After all is said and done, it should be fine. I went into work on Saturday and started to empty out my desk drawers. So many things go through your mind. I wanted to leave but I wanted it on my terms dammit. I came home and the damn broke. Had a mini meltdown. Then I yelled at myself and now I'm okay.  Today I did nothing except we went to do laundry before the sun came up. Then, we had breakfast.  I spent the day, getting ready to clean out a old bookcase I'm planning on using to put my desk items that won't go on my actual desk.  My owls, mugs, stuff.  Lol. I have a lot of fucking tea. I have loose and tea bags. Or sachets as they call them.  I'm having some calming peppermint at the moment. My tummy is full from dinner and this helps soothe me.  Not looking forward to this week, but I am looking forward to the coming weekend.  I get to see sis in NJ of all places. More on that at a later time.  So peeps I'm out, just wanted to say hi, ciao for now :-D

Smile When Your heart Is Brea... No Nothing Breaking Here!!

I smile a lot, I just do, I am a genuinely happy person BUT just because I am smiling, doesn't mean I am always happy. It also does not make me a fool who refuses to see the real life in front of them. I am very well aware of what going on in my life and in the world for that matter.  I take in a lot. I get tongue-tied so I do not always speak as succinctly as I would like. Do not take that for uneducated. I have been through a lot and learned many lessons, unfortunately it seems at this point many of those lessons will not help me in what I need to do. But on the hand,  many will help me deal with yet another (slight) obstacle.  I choose to try and always smile through things yet I can be deadly serious when needed.
So yes I got our notice that we all will be made redundant on March 3rd.,  but I already have reached out to a few people and sent out 5 resumes today ( a drop in the bucket of what will be sent I promise that)  I refuse to panic - I will hold my resolve that this will work out and my friends if I get a bit needy, please forgive me. Just tell me a dumb joke and my smile will come right back   :-D

Wow It's Been A Few Years (yes I'm letting go of anger lol, be warned)

     Since I've been proper, in need of a bucket,  sick. Yep, I despise it, and last night, (or early morning),  depending on your view, I had to run to the bathroom. It didn't even make me feel better. I just collapsed back into bed and finally fell asleep.  So it's almost noon on Sunday, I've had a cup of peppermint tea, with a sprinkle of Stevia, 1small piece of brown bread and a half pat of butter. A grand total of 72 calories. I don't think anything else will stay and moreover, NOTHING, sounds appealing.  I've been reading since about 9, yep it's a slug day.
     Yesterday I ran some errands and was amazed at how gorgeous the sky looked as the sun was setting. But people acting about as stupid as one can be, really got to me yesterday.  I'm at the drive through to get a cup of coffee, so the lady in front of me, driving her high end Merc, nails incredibly long, that she was clicking on her side mirror, was asking the voice on the speaker if they would give her a list of the pastries they had. REALLY!?  If you want to see, then go the fuck inside and look for yourself.  I didn't go in as I figured hey quick, plain tall Americano coffee. But no, it took forever, and if she had looked in that mirror she was clicking those nails on she would have seen me sneaking a turned up finger using the guise of rubbing my eye. Then after we both get our orders, I'm driving and someone decides that it would be interesting to make their right turn from the left lane. Barely missing my car. I came home and said to my hubs, I have way too much anger in me.  I mean at the end of the day, people will be people, I want to believe they don't do what they do to purposely make others angry, but I can only change my reactions to them.  Who knows, maybe I was purging some anger at 2:30am. Lol woke hubs up too.
     I don't know peeps, I've been losing weight and I've noticed that my hair is thinner. Ha that's funny! But I want my hair to stay fat you see.  I don't like it, and it's in the front. I spoke to my hairdresser about this, it's very possible I'm not getting enough nutrients, well not enough of certain ones.  She said I need more protein and even some carbs. I haven't had any carbs. So tonight I'm having a small sweet potato, and some plain baked chicken. Don't think I could handle much more at the moment. Hoping that sits well. I'm also due for blood work next month, and I'm going to look very closely at thyroid results. As this can also cause hair thinning. I know I sound vain, but I've always had a lot of good strong hair and to think that's changing upsets me. I'm going back to blonde as it will be a lot less noticeable. And I made a concoction of coconut, castor & Rosemary oils that I rub into my scalp and let sit for a few hours then was out.  I got a deluxe sample of an amino acid shampoo & conditioner from Kiehl's that is really nice.  So I'm hoping as I incorporate other foods back into my diet, that my hair will bounce back. As long as it's not medical. I'm just going to have to accept what is. If I can't fight it, I need to handle it.  I've gotten more into my meditation, well I'm trying too. But stress can cause the hair thinning too. Plus it's not a bad thing to do, I mean, the company I work for is merging with HPE and after tax time is over, I'm getting the feeling we will all be sacked.  I'm truthfully not stressing about that, not really, Que Sera Sera. I'm just doing more to keep a sense of calm and balance in my life. Do they have Yoga for fat people?
     So there is my life at the moment. Nothing really majorly wrong. Just the everyday annoyances we all have. It's very minut in comparison to a few I know. I'm trying to be a better me for me but also so I can be a better me for them!
We shall see if I can stay calm, oh and there's also the Valium....wait....what!?  LMAO (wink wink)
Ciao For Now

Groundhogs Day

     Well the day is here and good ole Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow so according to legend 6 more weeks of winter is on its way.  Yet the groundhog in Staten Island did not see his shadow so that mean early Spring.  What this just actually means is that no one can predict the weather. Although I do look to fuzzy caterpillars & the fluffiness of a squirrels tails in october & November to let me know if the winter will be bad.  Neither were fuzzy nor fluffy that I saw and the weather seems to be on track with that predictions. Especially the added fact that we bought a new snow shovel and both hubs and I got new snow boots. I think we have the correct talismans in place to ward off the worst winter weather LOL
     Well I just wanted to say hi and oh yeah, next Tuesday I  will be a blonde again   lol
Ciao For now