Quarter To 3 , No One is Awake , it's Only Me

     Yes here it is almost 3 am, and again I am awake. I am all sweaty though as my fever from yesterday broke finally. I long to take a shower right now but I'd wake the hubs so I will wait the 3 hours for his alarm to go off then jump into the shower. I will need to strip the bed too.  Yuck
     I have no idea why I'm awake, too much on my mind I suppose. It's coming on 4 months out of work and I was really hoping to be at another job by now. I feel guilty about every dollar I spend. I feel like I'm a bad person if I go see my dad in NY leaving hubs to go to work. We have always been a two income family and I am not used to being home. I rather like going to work, being productive. Feeling that I'm contributing something, know what I mean? Ah well there is something for me I'm sure, but I wish it would hurry its ass up and get here lol
      My cousin mentioned the other say that her daughter asked her if sh was fat! Apparently someone called her thy and it upset her. My Cuz was so upset and exp,aimed to her little one that she is beautiful no matter what. She is a very pretty little girl. She is not fat, she is more what I would call soft. Her body is not bone thin like o many 7 year olds, but it's not how she is built. Her mom is a sturdy gal, again very curvy and I mean J Lo curvy, maybe a size 12 max. Drop dead gorgeous too, but I may be biased. Lol Her daughter is a mini me of her. It makes me sad that her little one had to even ask that. I guess she is at the age when girls start to notice themselves and as she grows she will sleek out I'm sure as she is an active kid. If not, it doesn't matter, as long as she is healthy.
      See I guess I never reached that point growing up. I was thinking about that and I really don't recall when my body "matured" so to speak. Being a chubby kid I had boobs in second grade but I remember fighting with my mom to let me wear a tee shirt on gym days and not my bra. I was kind of embarrassed to be wearing one when the other girls didn't. I got better as the years went on. I do remember shaving my legs at 12 for the first time and giving myself a slice right up the front of my leg. My friend Julie di the same thing when he did it too. Wonder if its like a little right of passage ll us girls go through? Lol  I was a tomboy and I liked to play things like dodgeball and rode my bike all over the place. I was on a basketball team in junior school, I was always active so even tough I was chubby I was able to move and run fine. Still I was teased but I could care less back then. High school was different. I was more aware of my pudge and yet I always had boyfriends. Cute ones too. Lol I don't know, my life growing up had lots of old times but there were darker ones, bullies at camp poking me telling me I was fat and they isn't p,at with fat kids. Yea I told my mom I didn't want to go to camp anymore, she dent ask why and I never told why.  Girl Scouts was fun, dances were fun, school trips, the first time I rode a snowmobile so any good times.  Ah peeps it's after 3 so my mind is wandering and I'm bringing you with me.
      I'm an odd duck I know. I sometimes write like I belong in the 1800's not 2013, I don't overly curse, although frustration about work had lent itself to more colorful language as of late.  I'm the kid who told my neighbor that a homeless man was a cousin so he would pay I'm to shovel her sidewalk and driveway so he could earn some money, I was 7! Lol ths was also the same lady who had a gorgeous garden, I loved it and so I picked her a bouquet from her own garden and handed it to her one afternoon when she answered the door. I also gave away my moms kit hen appliances to my friends because they liked them and then had to go collect them back with my mom later that night. I was a handful then and am a handful now.  Lol okay that's enough of a twisted road of words I've taken you on, and too self serving. Next time I won't ultimately write about me. But those tangents are so fun! Lol. At 3:20 I wil say ciao for now peeps :-)