1am At Least They Are Sleeping

Of course im referring to my hubby and my father.
I will admit, taking care of my dad is no picinic. I'm not saying, it's hard. That's not the right word. It's frustrating. I love him dearly, even knowing what I know now, I would still do this BUT it's not what I envisioned. I really was not sure what to expect. I did not expect to find that my Dad can barely see. He kept thus hidden in a home he had for 55 years. Of course he knew it like the back of his hand. But here, it's blatantly obvious.  This makes me beyond sad. I can't even imagine how he's feeling.  He keeps reaching out for my hand when I'm sitting with him.  Says he's glad his girl is there for him. Of course I am.  He keeps saying he's not sure where he'd be if it weren't for me and my hubs. Oh my hubby is so sweet and gentle with him. It's beautiful to watch them.
My dad knows that he will never be alone. For as long as he walks this Earth, he will be cared for.
 Tonight I heard him yell out on the baby monitor so I went to look. Must have been a bad dream. So I sat in the chair and watched him sleep. He was restless, I heard him mutter gid help me. He's not happy with his situation I know that but he is against books on tape.  I'm not sure why.
Look, we got him a nice comfy chair, some new clothes, I feed him what he enjoys but IT'S NOT ENOUGH!  I want to do more. This man kept me safe growing up, he worked hard and took care of us. I should be able to take away any fears he has, any issues I want to fix. But it's hard. I'm never going to stop so every night I ask the Goddess for strength so I can do right for him.
I'm tired and frustrated yes but when I tell him I love him and I see him smile, it's worth it. I just hope I am doing it right

I should be sleeping

Operative word there is should! Can't sleep, too much on my mind.  Long story short, my Father's brother died and my dad is the last family member , all his siblings, his parents and his wife are gone. Not to mention all his friends. Guess it's not going to be that short....well my dad is 90, he is not doing as well as he was even a month ago. My neighbor called tonight to say my dad fell and hurt his hand. Finger was banged up. He's fallen before apparently. He won't tell me anything so my neighbor keeps me informed. Well neighbor clean him up, took care of his hand. Other night had to help him shave. I'm his daughter, I should be doing this. I'm 5 states away, sucks!!! At least he realizes he will need to live with us. I just hope he stays around for it to happen.  I'm not as sad at the thought of his time coming to an end. He's had a good life, done lots if great things. I just don't want him to be in pain or alone. It worse in pain and alone. When his time comes, may it be a long time coming but when it does. I must be there with him .he was always there for me and now it's time for me to be there for him. So instead of sleeping, I'm thinking about selling houses, getting bigger place, making sure he's happy.  I love him so much it breaks my heart to think he struggles with anything.  I hate not being there.

Almost Autumn

     So my peeps, this blog will be a two-parter. First and foremost the harder of the two. I found out over the weekend that a school friend from long ago was shot and killed. All they know is that a neighbor called him over to his car and then shot him when he was there. In front of his wife no less. Why? No clue, the man is not talking. I did find out my old school friend was the president of the Home Owners Association. Perhaps the guy was mad at the HOA , there is an ongoing investigation. I texted with him about 2 years ago, so it's been a long time. We were not close but I went to school with him, his family I need a local bar that was active in the community. It's just a damn shame.
    So as tragic as that was (is), the rest if this blog has to do with something near and dear my heart.  AUTUMN it Fall if you prefer. It's starting to get darker earlier and there's a sense of the Autumn season in the air. I went for a drive today since I was offered and the trees on the highway are just starting to change color. I saw a sign for hard cider, alas the store was closed. Lol
     We have lots of places to get it once the season goes full swing. I also noticed that less people are out at 7pm than before. It's like our basic instincts are kicking in. That primal body clock that tells us the season to start staying close to home us not too far away. For me personally, thus is when I start to wake. The cooler air (soon please) makes me more energetic. I may start wearing make up more and oh yes, sweaters and boots. Love them. I also feel a pull towards making the house more cozy. Interesting time though as in about 2 weeks we move into the apartment, so we can fix the house. We are going slow.  Going to order the bed and mattress next weekend, bringing kitchenware with us from the house. New litter box for the cat. Tray tables and a chair from ikea.  We will bring in things from the house in stages. We need a sleep couch. Found a cool futon at Wayfair. It's very mid century looking. Sleek looking in a cool grey. The headboard on the bed is also grey. The cat is also grey so this works well.  And it's neutral so we can bring in some cool splashes if color. I asked and we can walmount the television and even paint if we want. She said they repaint before a new person moved in so at least the paint will be fresh. There is recessed lighting throughout the place but I know me. I will get lamps eventually, as I prefer the look of a room lit with lamps. It will come together. And then if we stay, we're set if not all the new stuff will go into our updated and fixed house. So either way this year and most if 2018, will be a positive move forward.
Tomorrow is my mother in law's birthday, she would have been 93, and my mom is the day after, she would have been 92. I always was amused that hubby's mom was a year and a day older than my mom.  Lol
     Well it's time to wash my face and get ready for bed. Cup if tea I think first. So take care and ciao for now
   

Just Been Crazy Busy

Hey all, it's been crazy these last few weeks. Work is Uber busy which is good but my phone reception at work really sucks ass!! So going forward, the apartment is all approved and we move in on Oct 1. This way we can get the house to where we want and still not sure if we will keep it or sell it. Hubs birthday came and went and although funds are tight we went out for a modest meal and had a lovely evening. Not much to tell, yet so much. Lol. Not going to bore you all. So those who know my number, ring me. I've called a few times but peeps are busy so I don't want to pester anyone.
     Back feels better but then I had a lovely lady issue that had me going for cranberry pills. All back to normal now.
     I'm sure I'll have lots more stuff to write about once we move. Untill then, ciao for now.

Ye Gods! LOL

Left my phone at the hotel today, had a bit of a meltdown last night with all that's going on, and I'm getting sick!  Other than that, work is good, days are warm, and my Dad is good, so lots to smile about  :-D

Where Does The Time Go

   its been almost 3 weeks since I started my training at the new job. Its coming together quite well, I am getting kudos from my manager and co worker Ricardo :-D  The people here are very nice and it seems like its going to be a good fit.  Funny though, I got an email from the animal hospital about the job I wanted there that they had a part time position if I wanted it. I said TY but no TY. I need a full time position as well as I am now working.  I knew they liked me at the interview  LOL
Did just get a new very cool solar keyboard with a USB cordless mouse, love it. After the hand me downs at the last job this is a real treat. As is the foot rest and new leather chair for my ample tushy.  HAHAHAHA

     So we are still without water and this weekend we are headed to the hotel again.   We will stay Sunday and check out on Tuesday. My 2 days off so I can at least cook and do laundry without running all over the place, plus I am so going to take a bath. I mean we are washing and I have gone to the gym to shower but its so nice to shower in your own room, and well I just want my house back to normal.  I need to be patient and it will be cool to hang out just relaxing on Monday as hubs will be at work all day and it will feel like I'm on a vaca  KIND OF.  He's been so great at cleaning the basement, its a mess and we are finding more and more things ruined. The store room that we spent time fixing lost everything on the bottom two shelves. Mainly Christmas decorations but luckily nothing old. I have my mom's ornaments packed in my bedroom closet.
     So Sis sent me some awesome beach pics the other night and I really miss the ocean, I need to hear the waves soon. Not sure when I will get to NYC though as we need to take care of the house first.  Plus hubs birthday is in Sept, then our anniversary then Sis and I both have Oct. birthdays.  I'd like to see her for that. I've got a lot on  my mind and I need to be a bit selfish. One of m y friends, we've known each other a long time and its like trying to pull teeth to get him to contact me. When we do get together its great and I care for him a lot but he is busy and I've decided that people know me, they know I love them if we are that close so I'm going to give them all their space. Being in a different state than my friends makes it hard to get to see them all also. Sigh......
     So its a different day than when I started this blog  LOL so I need to start my work day. Ciao for now peeps

Yep I'm Still Here

      Sunday night and we are still at the hotel. I will be checking out tomorrow.though. Should be interesting. I took a shower before and I will take one right before I leave tomorrow. I will be showering at the gym. Its going to be a bit difficult but we cant afford to keep staying at the hotel. I mean if I had been working for awhile but the account is getting low and we do have bills that dont care about the other troubles. lol   Hey at least the air condition is working, we were concerned about that.
     I just feel weird, cant explain it. Work is going well methinks. Saturday went well.  All in all things other than running water are good. Still............ :-D

All Things Considered I'd Rather Be In Philadelphia

    Well maybe not Philly but I do like PA. Its been a crazy 5 days. The flood is still the priority in our lives. So at least not the actual measurable water is gone but the rug and everything is saturated now. I mean things were floating , I half expected to see IT down there (We all float down here LMAO)
My rocking chair was brought upstairs early on and it can be repaired. The only real damaged aside from the rig is my computer and all my stamps, watercolors and papers.  Luckily my colored pencils and my newer stamps are not on blocks and all can be saved. Just need to be cleaned.  My computer CPU was about half covered and is beyond help. I have not used it in over 10 years so anything on there was already backed up to my external drive.  There are a couple of stories and some older pics I did lose but oh well. All things considered its not as bad a loss as could have been.  Hubs did lose a set of his anime series.  The box anyway, the discs of course can be cleaned.
     Im on my lunch break at the moment and Im feeling more comfortable at this new job. Except that I get frustrated when I don't know what I'm doing. They tell me not to worry as its all new but I hate not knowing something.  I mean I was at CSC for almost 10 years and knew the systems like the back of my hand. I will get this and by next month Im sue it will be familiar to me. :-D
   Little by little Im Maryifying my desk  LOL   The tech guy is getting me the codless keyboard and mouse I asked for and he said he was trying to get the mouse in pink for me. Hes a nice man  And yes of course I brought my mug and some tea and I got a new addition for the ledge I have  I got him at Walmart for only $5.00  LOOK

Okay  lunch is over   I just wanted to say hi and fill ya in on my life or as I call it I can dig hotel life  HAHAHAHAHAHA

Lets Catch Up

So I am writing this from my hotel room. No I'm not on vacation.    Lets start with I have now finished my first week of training at the new job. I like it, its very interesting. The people are really nice and its something like I've never done. I mean talking with people are fine. I can that do that in my sleep.  Its the lab work and familiarizing myself with the lab tests and results. I'm really enjoying it. In a few weeks I get to go to pathology to lean how they process labs drawn.  Only thing is I'm not supposed to wear open toe shoes. I have been wearing grey woven sneakers and they are fine but today I went to Walmart and bought a cheap pair of black ballet flats. I also bought 2 blouses and a pair of capris. The prices are great, no wonder the fatties love it. This one now does too.  I mean its not posh but they are very nice and I need to watch my pennies  which brings me to the reason I am at a hotel.  Somewhere in the basement a pipe burst and we ended up having a swimming pool in our basement. So hubs had to turn off the water on Friday morning so that evening we went to the hotel. So he went back today and the water has GONE UP about an inch. The water was turned off!! How did it rise?? So hubs called me to have me call the water department and shut the main valve off. Its at street level, so they came this afternoon.  The water is NOW TOTALLY OFF!! We have to call back once all is fixed. We were supposed to check out of the hotel tomorrow but now we are staying at least until this coming Friday. Good thing I get paid on that Friday we will need it. Luckily the hotel is letting us stay at the cheaper rate for the length of our stay. Huge help.. So with the good news came the bad.  I verified that we do not need to call our homeowners association as they really don't give a damn what goes on inside the house as long as you stay within their paint choices and fix everything they tell you to do on the outside of the house. They are useless parasites!
     I am now cooking dinner as hubs is at the house with the cat. We were thinking of bringing her but it didn't make sense to upset her as the door to the basement is closed anyway now. She would be more traumatized by the cat carrier. At least hubs was able to take off some days from work. I obviously cannot. I tell ya, not a happy bunny. Here's hoping for a lottery win  LOL

Huzzah Huzzah!!!

     I GOT A JOB!! I am so happy. It took almost 4 months but last time it took over 10 so I'm ahead by 6 LOL.  Its time for some uber positive changes. I have been going through closets and I found my Adidas pink stripe shelltops. I thought they were lost but no, somehow they got shoved into the back of the closet. I didnt do it and I know the cat didn't do it. I'm not even going to mention it though, long past the time frame and why start a squabble. I washed them and they look good as new.  Yay  But I'm also going through clothes. All my winter stuff is too big, so I will be donating that. Job timing is great since I will need some new things. AND another yay is that it is business casual, same as my last job. I have dresses but I was thinking I would need to purchase more or at least a few skirts.  But I'm fine with what I have for now. WHEW!!!
    Heading to Dads in NYC, want to spend some time with him before I start work. Going to leave early so I can spend the entire day plus a few more with him.
     Trip was so swift and enjoyable. Leaving at 3am will do that.  I saw a beautiful sunrise and even New Jersey looked good at that moment. Brought him some bagels as a surprise.
     I did wander over to Amazons website and picked up a shelving unit.  It was very inexpensive but the reviews are good. So it will be shipped here tomorrow and guess what ill be doing then. I'll take a few snaps when they are assembled. I should probably take a video of my trying to assemble them. THAT will be funny HAHAHA
I also really dyed my hair red again' my hairdresser will give me highlights and a much needed haircut. When I get home to VA, I'll trim my bangs at least.  Lol
Well......fast forward
I am home in VA, it's now past midnight and we are into Sunday. I should be asleep as it has been a very long day. Got up early at dads, did a load of laundry and did a light cleaning in the kitchen. Counters and microwave. Ooh boy did it need it. Dad doesn't really cook, but he uses that microwave.  Lol
     So yes I cleaned my bedroom and put up the shelving unit. The room looks so good. I was able to uncluttered the desk and it made a huge difference. I wish I could take a pic but my phone died. Oh I was so upset Thursday night. I was on the computer with tech chat for an hour trying to bypass, reboot and more trying to get it to work.  But no, so my replacement phone should be arriving Monday.   Hubs bless him was going to switch my SIM card with his do I can use his phone but we'd have to reconfigure his phone. I told him, don't as I can go another few days.
Oh yes, just to let you all know, the shelves I bought, were the easiest in the world to assemble. It took me longer to get the box open. Hahaha
     I loved seeing my dad, but he's sliding down, he said the house is getting to him. It's a lot for him. He tries but he doesn't have the strength in his hands like he used to. I felt a deep pang in my heart when we discussed this. For him to mention it, it means it's very real. One thing for us to discuss, what will be within the next year. Of course he can live with us here in VA. That's a given, but we need to talk more when this starts to really be thought about. Next few months maybe. He is so excited I'm going to be working, he made me promise to call him Monday night to tell him all about it. Of course I will :-D
     Tomorrow, er later today I need to get a few bits. I need a lunch bag to bring my food. I need to cook and prepare my food for packing in said lunch bag.  I had noticed the office has a nice size kitchen, stocked with coffe, tea, microwave and fridge. Good good. I'm looking forward to this as it is customer service but one I've never done. I will be speaking with doctors offices and patients about test results or adding different tests to a requisition already placed. So it's lots of medical terminology, which is fine with me.  People all seemed great and when I went for my interview I had noticed a pink beach cruiser bicycle , you know the ones with the comfy seats and larger wider tires just sitting in the corner. No one knew who it belonged to as it's always just " been there"!  How could I not work there, I may have to take it around the office once or twice lmao.
     Yes I know I'm jumping all around in this blog, do keep up.
     I really should go to sleep, but my thoughts and the cold brew coffee I drank tonight won't let me.
I'm going to try though, although my cat has settled in bed between my pillows and hubs' pillows and I don't want to wake her. I know, she's a cat! But she looks so cute. Lol.  Okay kitty, I'm going to try and get comfy.   And with that I say ciao for now

It Was A Nice Surprise

So hubs comes home Friday and tells me he got an overnight booking at a hotel that the company he works for is letting him use. Seems it was booked and the rep couldn't make it and he won the drawing they all took part in. Whoot whoot. So Saturday morning we packed our overnight cases and had a little get a way. It was very cute. A room that a traveling rep could stay in and cook as it had a full kitchen. Yes I went to buy groceries to cook dinner. I'm dieting so I didn't want to eat out.
     It really was nice, big tub so I took full advantage. I always keep bath items in NY overnight case, so I had a nice long soak. Groomed up so I was nice and smooth all over and washed and conditioned my hair and gave myself and hubs facials.  Only thing was the TV remote was dead. Hubs looked at something in the back of the TV then he was able to control it on his old Samsung phone. For some reason he brought it. He uses it as a reader.
     I had a hard time getting into bed. It was really high. I kind of rolled into it as hubs was laughing.
     I think he enjoyed the scenery change as he was acting like a man who took 2x the amount of Viagra as he should. I'm not complaining mind you, but it took me by surprise. He stayed the course all day too.  I felt like we were back on our honeymoon. Don't know what hit him this weekend but.... Yay!! Lmao
     I'm not tired for some reason. I should be, I was up at 7, it's half midnight, but nope, wide awake.  Planned my food for the week. I have this protein powder I was introduced to by Sis, I made it like a smoothie with blueberries, didn't cut it. So tomorrow I am doing it again with strawberries. Nothing earth shattering for you all, just a comment from me. Hope it works this time.
     I wrote a poem this evening and I'll post it maybe tomorrow. Not sure if I want to bore you all with it. Lol
     So I'm going to say ciao for now. Just popping in to say hello.  Love & light.
   

Well it's July, Onto The Second Half Of The Year

     So peeps my days have been spent looking for work, eating healthy and looking for work.  I'm so fookin exciting, can you just imagine.  LMAO
     Well that's not all exactly. I was almost scammed in my job inquieries, didn't luckily, as I hold true that if something is too good to be true it normally isn't. It really irks me that they prey on people who are desperate to work.  I'm anxious to get work, but I'm watchful. It does suck that you want something so much you will at times lower your guard, but it makes you realize you must always keep your guard up. There are few people I trust completely, those that I do, well I'd take a bullet for them. Not to sound dramatic (too late lol) but I mean that.  We all have shit going on, things that we don't tell anyone, but I hope these few know they can tell me anything and I fully understand them if not. As I trust them and know they know I'm here if they want to share.
     I'm busy writing poems again, also getting to know our neighbors. They are around the same age as us and very cool.  Had a nice chat with the wife on my front deck the other day.  I felt so neighborly, I almost wanted to bake them a pie.  I certainly have enough blueberries. Ooh I got a great deal on low sodium albacore tuna. Only $1.50 a can. Perfect for one meal.  I am now the owner of 10 cans.  Hahaha.  Don't be surprised if one day I post a poem about tuna and blueberries and how some blueberries fell into the sea and got eaten by the tuna. You know some romantic blueberry shite. :-D
     I tell you I've been looking at all the prom photos of my friends children. Well they are not children anymore, they all look so grown up.  Such beautiful gowns.  I mean I was trendy with the styles of the day, my gown was made, so why I got sleeves I have no idea. And powder blue!!! What the hell was I thinking??? My boyfriend had a matching tux.  The funniest thing was we were headed up to the ballroom, the prom was at the Waldorf Astoria in Manhattan NY, and a classmate and his date get on the elevator and he is wearing the exact same tuxedo! I can't begin to tell you how amused we were. So no one said anything until he speaks up saying, "at least we're not wearing the same dress." That did it and we lost it, we laughed so hard. We limoed around the city until we got back home at 4am. I hope all these kids had fun. It's an everlasting memory.
     Not much going on, been busy with things that make me smile, hoping my friends are doing well, missing people, losing weight, washing my car, and cleaning out the store room. Still!  Yes I know but it's half the house in width and about 3/4 the distance. If we could put a window in it we'd have a 4th bedroom. I've been window shopping on Watfair.com.  I'm all ready for my lottery win now so I can purchase the items I've saved to boards I've made.
     Kitty is curled next to me on the couch, snoring of course :-D it's gorgeous out and little Mary Sunshine is trudging forward. It's like we have to have hard times so we can appreciate the good. We have to get our head on straight, but when so many answers are appealing how do you choose.  It's like the color blue,so many wonderful shades, BUT , if it's up against another color or detail in a room it can lose it's charm, although the blue itself hasn't changed, just the situation. So how do you decide? Do we stay with the same old blue we're used to or do we just paint the entire room a brand new color and fill it with things that compliment it.  Okay...I really need to stay away from Wayfair.com. Lol
     I'll end this hoping you all find the right shade you are looking for.  Love & light and ciao for now
   
 

Whats Love Got to Do With It?

     I think the hardest thing in the world is loving someone. Its also the easiest. Its a mirror effect of sorts. When you're in love, you cry when you are happy, and you cry when you are sad. The most unsettling crying is when you are crying because you are happy for someone, but sad for yourself.
  
It is like that quote:  How perfectly draining to, at the same time, always feel like far too much, and yet never quite enough.

Yep, I've loved the wrong people,at the wrong time, the right people at the wrong time, the right people at the right time and the right people without them knowing it.
But I regret none of it, its who I am. I still know love, from my spouse, from my family, and from my dear friends.
Let me lay another one on you. Basically it states that nothing is forever. BUT things change (or evolve)
“Nothing in the world is permanent, and we’re foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we’re still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it. If change is of the essence of existence one would have thought it only sensible to make it the premise of our philosophy.”
― W. Somerset Maugham, The Razor's Edge 
This is a great book, I recommend it.  

When the subject is love, my feelings and emotions have definitely switched. Found the needed balance so to speak, and its even better than before, its deep and real, makes you feel good, not sad. Ive also learned to love additions to my life, and if you truly love someone, it stays with you and lives in your heart, and you are better for it.
Love will change, because if love is ANYTHING; it's adaptable! 

  

So What Will It Be

Okay I'm down 17 pounds in just under 2 months. I wanted more but my meds hinder it I'm told. Okay month is not over yet so I'm hoping to round it out to 20. (or a little more) it's okay as I'm not racing anyone. Thing is on a website I am on one woman dropped 185 pounds. Now of course I'm not planning on losing that but still, the excess skin she showed was a bit troubling. Now first off, major kudos to her. That dedication is fabulous. Now another woman dropped 124 pounds and her excess skin was no where near this other woman's. As a matter of fact she didn't have much at all.  The first woman is going to have surgery and she says it's not as expensive as it used to be and good drs will help you with a payment plan. My wonder is will I need this done, will I be like the second woman as my total loss will be similar to hers? I don't know, I wish I could tell. My Dr says checking me that she tends to think  I will be like the second woman.  I don't know. I mean it's about a year away but a year goes fast. I guess I just need to wait and see. It's just one of those things you don't always see, its something to think about. These women did incredible. So on this subject, check back with me this time next year. Lol
     As for my other main issue, work! I'm still looking. I hate the entire process. Either I have lots of good offerings or nothing much. So far this week it's nothing much. Send sone good luck.
     Lastly. Happy Summer if you live in the northern hemisphere and Happy Winter if you're in the Southern.
Just some thoughts before bed.  Kettle is on the boil so I'm going to brew some tea. Enjoy the night (or morning lol) Ciao for now

Live Life To The Fullest

So weird to write this.  I'm so deep in contemplation but I needed to share.  Nothing on this piece of rock we call Earth is promised. So nothing should ever be taken for granted.  I'm lucky to have several friends I hold dear in my heart. A husband I love and my dad is still here as well.  I've had health issues, stent, uterine cancer, weird fucking leg infection. My friends have had their share as well.  Now in between all this, life happens. My mind is on my friend in England who got the bad news his organs were starting to shut down.  Well seems he went through it and got married yesterday. I was thrilled to hear it, the photos were nice yet I could see the strain in his eyes. Today his sister contacted me to say that he had a heart attack again and is back in hospital.  No idea what's going to happen. Will he have a newlywed widow and I certainly hope not.  I hope he at least gets to the holidays. As sad as this makes me I have to smile because he is living his life. He knows he's fading yet he got married. He wanted to live his life and not give in.  I applaud this. Life is to be lived and cherished and enjoyed. So my friends and those reading.  Live your lives to the greatest extent of your beings. Fuck the naysayers. That's it.  Lol. Ciao for now.

Memorial Day Weekend

So this weekend, well Momday to be exact, we honor the men and women who lost their lives while serving their country. Here in VA, the DC district, and Maryland, we are seeing an influx of motorcycles as Rolling Thunder comes in to pay tribute to their fallen brethren. I have witnessed a teeny section of this and let me tell you watching almost 100 motorcycles coming on to the highway is very impressive. I can only imagine 1000's.  So many forget what this holiday means, so many have no respect for this country. I agree we have a very bad government at the moment. I am not impressed with this country's leader and staff at the moment. But this day is for all that served and did not return. They deserve to be remembered.  I do, that's for sure.
     Today has been a mix of rain and clouds so not the nicest day although the temperature is pleasant. We've been vegging, totally non thinking kind of day. Nothing planned, just some music, Facebook, straightening my make up area. Like I said, nothing special day. Hopefully a drive to the mountains and farmers market tomorrow.  I've been sorting my thoughts, if you understand me.  Just thinking. More money crap has come up, but we will work it through. It's life, I'm trying to stay upbeat as I keep looking for work.  It's hard sometimes, as often as you feel happy, you also feel sad. Unless you've gone through it, you may not get it, and I know some of you have.
     But every day is a new start. Weight is coming off slow but steady. I'm okay with that. I'm on several weight loss boards on Facebook and although not the way I'm doing it, there is still much support and lots of funny posts. Plus Sis is a huge help. She is a great advisor and inspiration. Another inspiration is my overseas friend, I swear he gets thinner every time I see a recent pic of him.
His girlfriend has also lost weight, in their photos from their holiday they both look fab. She is stateside, and I'm hoping to say hi in person one day soon.
    Tangent - it's rainy gently but the windows are open and that sweet mowed lawn smell is coming in. I love that smell.
     I went to get a pedicure the other day, and if I doubted losing weight I knew I had because the chair was so much roomier. Lol. Yep I had room to shift around, didn't touch the sides with my but or tummy. Trust me, that's a huge tell sign. It felt so nice to have it done. They gave me a paraffin foot wax for free as it was my first pedi of the season.  My little sausage toes look so pretty all painted up. I still have to scrunch down in the seat a little so my feet can be fully flat on the chair rest where they actually work on your feet.  As usual they love the tattoos on my legs, they always get smiles.
My tummy does hinder me doing my own pedis as they should be done, can't do the toenail cuticles properly. Hehe but it's cool, they do a great job. And I definitely can bring my legs farther back than before. ( no, won't tell how I know this ).
     I had gotten and email not to long back from another pal over in England. We've only chatted online, never met, but we became online friends. He's getting married soon and I'm very happy for him. He's not well though, and I spoke with his sister and I let her know he hadn't returned my emails recently. She informed me he is starting to have both liver and kidney failures.  I think that's why he decided to get married so fast, speculation on my part of course, but he has 3 children, 2 of them still teens and perhaps he wants to make sure all is legally done. I am very saddened by the news of how bad his condition is. I am not sure how long this can go on or if it can be reversed. I didn't ask, so I will just hope for the best.  I feel a bit selfish when I hear things like this, I mean I'm just looking for work, it can be much worse.
     Just some twaddle on this blog which really comes down to, life is status quo at the moment. Dad is good, as is hubs. My nephew got accepted to the university he wanted, yay :-D. Now to just get a job and life will be complete.  So until next time peeps, ciao for now.

Sleep? Of Course Not

     So it's now just after 1in the morning. I should be asleep. Obviously, I'm not.  I'm listening to the rain hitting the window and enjoying the comfort of my blanket. Watched a show on HGTV using my phone app. Headphones in of course, don't want to wake hubby. I'm feeling cozy, but a bit annoyed. I'd hope to have a job by now. Not letting it get me down. I've had my moments.  Trust me on that one.
     The cat has now jumped up and is purring quite vigorously in my ear. She's like a little furry motorboat sometimes.  Lol. I'll be back in the am, some stuff to chat about. Until then, ciao for now.

Yes, I'm Still Here

     I don't write nearly as many blogs as I used to, just trying to get a grip on life at the moment.  Life really is a series of events , of small things, held together by the occasional big thing.  It's very easy to write about the big events in ones life. The markers of sorts we'll call them. Birthdays, anniversaries, births or deaths. Theses happen daily in the world and are expected. But the better "big things" are those things we plan for. Like buying a new car, or going on vacation. Then there are surprises, kindnesses shown to us by others.  All mentioned can be written about quite easily, and I have :-D
     What's harder is the daily day to day stuff, the thoughts, the dreams, the struggles. They come across, more times that not, as trivial. Defiantly not reading material. Yet I've written about these also. My mind races with thoughts and ideas that sound great in my head, yet I often find difficult to convey in my blog. I see all theses awesome blogs, fashion, make-up, cooking, etc. and I find myself amazed at how put together each one is. It's not the fractured hodgepodge that mine often are.  It's like that shabby chic cottage look. It's lovely, chintz, and distressed wrought iron, usually in bright yet softened colors. The rooms are filled with mismatched sofas and tables, lamps and textiles. Yet the room looks perfectly cozy and inviting.  Now, if I tried this, my room would look like a year of nothing more than hoarding, or at best, a cute junkyard of "stuff".  The everyday thoughts are tough to get down. Example, my days right now are basically the same. I wake up when hubby alarm goes off. We chat and cuddle awhile before he gets ready for work. ( he gets to hear all my mundane ramblings first thing, oh boy!) then he leaves, I go through job applications, shower then off to run errands, come home clean, then off to more errands or just for a drive as I need to see something other than these walls.  A friends laughed, saying that every time we video chat, I'm in my car or a parking lot.  I'm on the go, but never seem to get anywhere.   Mundane can be very boring to those looking in. It does have a comfort about it though. That's the beauty of the little things, the day to day. The bring small spots of happiness.  Like that first sip of tea or coffee in the morning. Or smelling the onions cooking in the pan, knowing dinner will be yummy.  The little things, like finally getting your closet in order. Or putting in your earbuds at night before you sleep to listen to some music. Or the sound of rain on your roof, while your cozy inside. It's these little things that make up your life. We need to appreciate them as much as the big things. And not worry that you're not going to be voted best emotional blog of 2017.
     I do dream though, I've got snippets of thoughts and phrases written down that one day, I believe, will be a kick ass poem, I'm talking fucking amazeballs poem!
My little things right now are concentrating on finding a job, losing more weight, and just trying to be a good person.  That last one I feel I'm good at.  But when something big happens peeps, I'll be sure to write about it. I promise ya that.   So until next time, ciao for now.

Just sayin'

Just an observation: I'm noticing that liberals are called snowflakes, due to that fact they are perceived as whiney. But as soon as anyone speaks out of turn about Trump, people call for boycotts.  Seems that everyone has snowflake capability.  Everyone is going to both agree and disagree with everyone at some point.  How about we all grow up , work together, agree that no one is perfect, that the man in the White House has the ability to be wrong and right. And that that is what freedom of speech is. How about common sense, right from wrong. I am sad for us all right now.

Jack Kerouac, I understand what you mean.

    So I am back in VA, it's  Tuesday, drove in the rain the entire trip. I hate that because the trucks stir up so much must from the tires, it makes it hard to see the road. So let's fast forward to today. One day later.  So after all the driving yesterday plus the week before, I look into the skies and see blue with clouds. So after I replied to several job ads, I went to my trusty steed , aka my 2014 Ford Fiesta Titanium, and off I go.  First to get salad fixings for dinner, then with that sorted, I go on an adventure. Open road, and early in the day, there's not many cars so this drive is a lot better than yesterdays.  So I open my windows to get that wonderful sweet smell of grass. It's divine, I wish I could bottle it. So I'm enjoying the solitude and the lovey views. I can understand wanting to drive cross country. So many things are out there to see. Here we have lots of civil war buildings, old slave quarters, gristmills, stone buildings with small windows. Now we are a young nation so what I'm looking at is all from the 1800's. Now further out, where I did not go, there are older buildings.  Down in Frederick, you can see them, also in other parts of the state. You have Monticello, Thomas Jeffersons digs. Old churches from early colonists. I love looking at them. I love architecture. Old parts of NY, both city and upstate have this appeal also.
     Driving relaxes me when I have no schedule. Just me, bottle of water, full tank of gas.  To me it's therapy, and thoughts go through my head. Some sad, people and memories I miss terribly. I have arguments with myself in my head. I calm my heart with my mind showing the reality and that the best outcome happened. Then those memories become golden. I dream of what ifs, what I would do if I won a lottery, if I got another cool job, lots of things. I see irony too, especially when I look at the electric poles all along the sides of the road. They remind me of crucifixes in a row. Considering I live in the start of the Bible Belt this makes me laugh. On Sunday's early in the mornings are the best time to go out for breakfast. All the good people are worshiping, while us heathens are enjoying our morning scramble and toast. Lol   My mind wanders and resembles Julie Andrews as she comes into view singing The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Music. I even came upon Brigadoon today. Brigadoon Farms, where they raise lots of Moodogs, cows to you and me. Haha. I drove to Upperville and omg they are having a riding of the hounds in a month. They also have polo grounds and play every week. Posh folks up that way apparently.
      So I'm home, watching a Bones repeat. Oddly in this Bones is pissed about plastic surgeons, saying they take away our individuality. That we are born, and our life and experiences shape us. I like this. Im still being shaped. Will be interested in seeing how it continues on. I say that as I don't think we ever end.  I'm even looking way out of my comfort zone for jobs.  I'm nervous one of them will hire me but I know I can do what I put my mind to. I'm ready to move forward.
       Well peeps, time to prepare dinner, so I will say ciao for now.