I Like Grapes

    So funny, I was walking into work this morning and as I walked across the parking lot a big ant walked across my path.  I mean those big ones, not the little ones that always seem to be everywhere and build those anthills.  Now the thought crossed my mind that I really have not seen many of these as of late.  So i get to my desk and I mention this to my pod mates.  Of course they look at me with tilted heads  LOL -  yes I do have very random thoughts.  In the movie Charlie and The Chocolate Factory one of the grandmas, while in the midst of a family discussion, just comes out with "I like grapes!"  That's me, random things just pop out of my mouth or into my thoughts.  i actually make that analogy as a former co-worker said that I was like her years back. LOL   See I've always been this way.  But in all seriousness, where are the bigger ants these days. not that I want to be over run with them LOL   
     Another thing is this blog.  if these are my inner thoughts and musings, should they be raw comments, or over time have I often censored myself as not to offend a reader?  I think it's the latter on occasion. Is the right thing to do?  I'm really not sure. I am not out to hurt any feelings or worse have an over zealous person try and hunt me down over political views  HAHAHA  but it is a consideration.  I also have so many thoughts that its hard to pinpoint them to get them onto the computer. I've always expressed myself better through words, I tend to think too fast and my words, when speaking, get a bit jumbled. They can leap frog over each other to the point where  I sound like a blabbering fool. Not really a stutter but close enough.  I actually can have a very normal conversation with a person, I have many thoughts and opinions like most of us, but somehow over the years it's only when I write things down that people are willing to hear them. I'm not a great debater lol 
     I have also seen people in my life who I love very much and care about, distancing myself from them.  Now, I understand the need to get away, or that life itself is so busy. I'm not stupid, I do have a life, its stressful, but has very bright moments with laughs and it can be crazy,  so I definitely understand busy. Now that being said, when you see friends making time to see other people, you wonder why they didn't want to see you. If you left a very interesting theater article on a a friends page and they totally ignore it but share a similar article with no mention of yours, you start to wonder and think well it IS me.  You care about these people and yes it hurts that they are ignoring you. Now of course in their minds they are just doing their thing, living their lives.  Maybe it's me, but the point of having friends is to be able to share things with them. You see something you think they may like, you let them know, Not every day, every minute of course. But over time. It's pure joy to share experiences with like minded people, people you have come to love, those that you have shared things with. Perhaps I just put too much on others, Its nothing I wouldn't do for them but then again everyone is different. I never grew up with brothers or sisters, so I ADORED my friends. Now I do enjoy alone time also which is why I can truly understand the need for being alone. But when you say you want to be alone, and make plans with others and not one certain person, it's really as if you just don't want to see that one person. Otherwise you wouldn't have met with others. Understand what I'm trying to say?  It just feels odd and unfortunately its a very hard thing to discuss without sounding needy or worse, bitchy. As a friend you let people be who they are, I mean why befriend them then? It's sometimes more complicated than romance. Romance is easy, you have a love that goes beyond friendship to envelop every aspect of the person. This too can go odd, as we sometimes can not see the real world, or see the real person. We turn a blind eye to the negative, so when the romance fades we all of a sudden look and - WOW - there's negative.  The person is not a god or goddess, they are a fucking human being - holy crap MIND BLOWN!!!  Us humans are weird, I am weird, my friends are weird and I mean that in the best of ways (normal is boring)      As of late I can almost understand people shying away from me, my life in in a state of flux, I'm working on stuff that prohibits me from doing some things I'd love to do, but I'll get there.  I will be around pestering my friends for quite some time but others and yes I will call him out - PAUL - I thought of you the moment I saw the Patti article. I know you saw it, but you not once commented on it, and then posted another article about the same damn thing.  You never call me, anytime we talk I am the one initiating the call. I have known you a very long time, you were there for me when my mom went into her coma almost 30 years ago and I thought we were going to lose her then (we didn't thankfully) we share history and stories, so would it hurt to once in a while acknowledge that you know me. Atext, a call?  I love you very much, I always will. See THAT's me, I'm am loyal to the end. I am that dog that still hangs around an abusive owner when everyone is wondering why.  Well maybe not that far but close. I take friendship very seriously.  I don't tell anything said in confidence, i take trust very seriously also.  Even if someone betrayed me I still would not tell things i was trusted with.  

OH BUT CAN'T A GIRL RANT ON  LMFAO  I really hope I've offended no one 
Saw this and I love it. it's not terrible to be happy and to make your own happiness and oh what a  joy to have friends to share your happiness with!! 

I don't know what happened there peeps, I threw up words all over the page.  Eww that's a bit gross - sorry  :-D   Slow news day perhaps? HAHAHAHA   Well lets see we now know I love my friends to the point of being obsessive, I have and say random thoughts and well, where the hell are those damn ants??   Alrighty then, I think it's time for me to end this as it seem the blabbering fool has appeared and this time she was in print!! ACK!!   So until next time peeps, Ciao For Now