Waiting For The Fireworks

     As we draw near the end of the 4th of July, I am hearing varying sounds out side the house. Normally I would be on the deck, but tonight we opted to stay in as it's 85 degrees at 9PM, and quite humid. So I am here on the computer, while I hear the bursts of firecrackers, bottle rockets, cherry bombs, and M-80's going off. The M-80's and cherry bombs are the big ones, and LOUD ones. An 1/8th and a 1/4 stick of dynamite will make you jump and can cause some goodly damage. Growing up the guys I knew would use these to blow up trash cans in the neighborhood. Us girls were supposed to be impressed, but most of us thought they were jerks and went to go watch the family that had all cool sky rockets going off. Then it was off to the park with wine coolers and sparklers to make out with the chosen guy of choice or boyfriend of course. I remember one time my boyfriend Mike and I were in his GTO having a very cool make out session and his friends threw a cherry bomb at the back of his car. I jumped and hit my head on the door handle. I was a tad annoyed. He yelled at them but of course ended up laughing with them. Whats a gal to do? LOL   But as for tonight, I have a nice glass of ice cold water, as I drank too many calories last night, and waiting for the fireworks from MACY's. I know that they have them in DC as well, but I am a New York gal, and for me MACY'S fireworks are the ones I watch. 
     So I am sitting here thinking how fortunate I am. I have been shown great kindness recently and I always wonder why. Lol how odd since I like to do things and buy things for people (although cash flow is not optimum at the moment for what I would love to do) yet when done for me I still feel unworthy.  I remember one time I was at a restaurant in Manhattan with a friend. It was an upper scale business ( for me that includes most places that don't use plastic cutlery lol), but this one was legit. I had finished my first course and wasn't sure if I should keep my fork. I asked, and was met with an amused response of they will bring you a new one. Just one example of a kindness to me that I love, yet have trouble believing I did anything to deserve it. I know I know, people are just doing the same as I like to do. I understand that, yet to this day I have a harder time being the recipient, than the giver. I'm not a slacker to finer things. I know which fork to use, and also which side to serve from. I see so many things I want to get for people and just can't right now. It breaks my heart too. These are good people and my friends. They should have all good things.  
     I realized something, and I did mention this to someone the other day.  It's not that I begrudge anyone anything, but lots of times it's because it's not me something is happening to.  I do get jealous. I can't control situations, but I so want to be in them. Lol. It's the only child thing again. I feel like I missed out on something really special, not having any siblings. I don't want to miss out on anything, especially if it involves people I care about. My closest of friends. It's not a vicious jealousy, if that makes any sense. 
     Here it is almost 1am and again, I am not tired. My sleeping patterns are so far gone. At this point I'm tempted to just stay awake and go to the gym at 5:30 when they open. I like that time actually. No one there and I can stay on the machines as long as I want. Get in a good work out and be back home by 8. It's funny, this weight thing. If you read yesterday's blog you will see where I wrote I ate quite a lot of calories yesterday. So out of morbid curiosity, I weighed in this morning. Low and behold, I LOST a pound and a half! How? It baffles me. So I recorded it and today I am happy to report I came in under my calories. Drank lots of water also. Need to go get more fruit tomorrow. I love berries, all kinds and have been putting them in my yogurt for breakfast. Or even lunch sometimes. I'm getting used to making better choices, trust me though, I will devour a creme brûlée or an eclair in a heartbeat. I'm just choosing not to. Not right now anyway. I'm back on track so to speak. Yay Happy Birthday America, I injested too many high calorie carbs to celebrate you, but now the party is over. Back to business as usual. Speaking of that, I applied to 7 p,aces so far tis week. Anyone want to take bets on how many get back to me, even jut to reject me? We shall see. So until next time my peeps, I am saying as always, Ciao For Now