Whew Where Do I Start

     I guess I should start at the beginning, but I really don't remember it all from about a week ago. So lets talk from the inside, things I've seen and read online that have touched me somehow.I've been just doing my thing, going to the gym and it's been paying off. I've lost 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks and 3 of that in the past week. I am pleased with what's going on with me. I'm down a size and on my way to being down another. I need this I need to see progress. I like feeling better. Like I've said in a blog I wrote prior, I am still working on my walking and now it includes my biceps. So I got some barbells in varying sizes. Nothing too heavy as I have very little upper body strength. So at night now I sit with the little 3 pounder and do bicep curls while I watch TV. LMAO  I find it hilarious, but I want to tone as well as lose weight. I'm going to look like one of those guys walking around with the squeeze grips, walking and squeezing. So I am on the couch watching TV, cat curled next to me on one side, and there I am, curl, curl, curl. 20 reps at a time for a half hour show. The switch arms. Been doing this for 3 days, not doing it every day though. Too much, going to do it on my machine days. I was told not to do machines 2 days in a row as the muscles need time to heal. I am going in the morning early to do the demon treadmill and the bike.
     The next thing on my agenda is social media. I read about Paula Deen. One part of me is so very appalled at what she said. I can't imagine in this day in age to be so demeaning of others, then I think but she is from a generation where that was not unheard of and especially in the south.  Now then I get upset again and if you are in the public eye, you need to be aware of what you are presenting out to your followers. Alone in private moments then say and think what you want, but that's wrong too. You should be able to be who you are. Then I read all the remarks against her and they are so filled with hate, for a person who fucked up and said something she shouldn't have.  I go back and forth, and it's understandable. I know people who are "of color" and I hear them use the "N" word.  How can they use it and not me? Is it derogatory or not. If it's a word that deplorable to use, why so I hear it on CD's all the time? It's bad or not bad, it can't be one or the other.  I don't use it, but I don't think the ones who are saying they will "F" this woman up so she can't sit should use it either. By using the "N" word it makes their arguments totally void.  I suppose this segues into my second thought. On facebook I liked a post showing an overweight girl on a leg press machine. It said getting fit for fertility. I applaud her for doing what she is doing to help herself with something she wants to change. Yet reading the posts people were putting made me want to cry. They were saying hey you should push yourself away form the table instead of that machine. Try putting down a fork sometimes. That she looked like a whale. I was so upset at this, this woman is damned if she did and damned if she doesn't. I for one am tired of hiding who I am.  I am Mary, I am short, I am fat, but I deserve the same things as anyone else.  I always say if the worse thing people can say about me is that I am fat then I am okay. I do mean that but you know it still hurts. I won't let anyone see it, so I get a bit out of control sometimes. It's something I work on, to feel free. Not to stay in the car until the group of sexy younglings walks by. I'm working on it. To nit get self conscious when a group of teens is looking at me, TEENS, I could be their mom but I have heard remarks, so I stay put until they are gone.   It's only recently that I have felt better. I am confident in my world, with my friends but these things are the ones instilled at a young age and harder to break through. With help of dear friends who mean the world to me, I feel more confident in the outside world. I actually wore a sundress the other night, that had spaghetti straps. My arms were exposed and I didn't care. I liked the way it looked. I am working on my body but I'm happy its starting to show my efforts. It's taken a long time to really see a difference. It's worth it though. I will get more fit, walk with friends, I will get into that size 14/16.  
     Once again I have traveled the tracks in my mind and the train took a weird journey. thank you so much for sharing the ride.  So until next time I will say, as always, ciao for now!