Talk About Gold Turning To Crap (Somewhat)

     So, today started good enough. I can't find my words tonight. I'm happy that I got my time approved for my trip to England, but I found out that a friends mom died. I'm thrilled a friend is branching out and moving forward, I'm so sad that I also found that a girl I went to school with suddenly died,  too soon!!  I'm tongue tied. I feel that I'm not the same to those I care about. Like I'm fading, I know it's my mind but I'm scared. I'm anxious, nervous as fuck. I'm also giddy, I'm happy but I miss the excitement of the summer. Things have settled nicely, a nice change but damn I want more, I'm not able to do more right now. My lungs are still full, not as bad as before but bad! I'm not allowed to do as much as I want. I need to go to the gym. It's not an option for me. I'm not thrilled to be ill. I feel my body is betraying me. Gah!!!! I miss NY also. Thus weather has prevented me from driving up. Peeps I'm going to bed. But I'll be back tomorrow - promise. Ciao for now