Somber yet Beautiful

Isn't it funny how often sad and beautiful go hand and hand.  I feel that often, as you all know I love those I call my friends and those that are extremely dear to me, well they are my world.  Happenstance this afternoon, I was listening to a playlist on my Iphone as Im doing emails today, always good for a friday.  I came upon this song and its words are a little sad but the actual meaning of the song Zi choose to believe its beautiful. makes me realize those in my life now are the ones I love dearly, the ones I'd do anything in my power for,  I'm putting the words here, you know who you are. I'm Sis, I'm nutter, I'm spouse, but I am always me!  :-D 

Its called Old & Wise by Alan Parsons Project  

As far as my eyes can see
There are shadows approaching me
And to those I left behind
I wanted you to know
You've always shared my deepest thoughts
You follow where I go

[CHORUS]
And oh when I'm old and wise
Bitter words mean little to me
Autumn winds will blow right through me
And someday in the mist of time
When they asked me if I knew you
I'd smile and say you were a friend of mine
And the sadness would be lifted from my eyes
Oh when I'm old and wise

As far as my eyes can see
There are shadows surrounding me
And to those I leave behind
I want you all to know
You've always shared my darkest hours
I'll miss you when I go

[CHORUS]
And oh, when I'm old and wise
Heavy words that tossed and blew me
Like autumn winds will blow right through me
And someday in the mist of time
When they ask you if you knew me
Remember that you were a friend of mine
As the final curtain falls before my eyes
Oh when I'm old and wise

As far as my eyes can see

Rainy Evenings

     It's been a fucked up day. Maybe it has something to do with the rain.  I enjoy the rain. I like the sound it makes on the roof. It's a calming steady sound. I find in the dark, that often my breathing will start to match the drops. Weird right? Thunderstorms are a totally different animal. I love the energy levels of them. It is so totally the opposite effect. Lol. Getting back to work, it's like there was a weird vibe. I also started to go through my email archives in my old lotus notes account. I ran into a bunch of old emails that brought up some odd feelings. They made me get emotional and smiley at the same time.  Hubs has some interviews next week, hope something comes through soon.
     Hey I have a question for peeps that wear glasses.  I'm finding that on my face, where the bottom of the lenses are, my face is in need of extra moisture. So I'm laying on the coconut oil big time. Just wondering if any of you have that issue?
      I need a haircut badly and I want to do something different. I'm going to go on Pinterest to look for ideas and will post some pics and I'd love your opinions. I mean that.  So look for it.
      Going to have some tea then bed methinks so ciao for now.

One Day

     I would love to see all the people who read my blog and ask one questions:  WHY?? lol
It been a fucking roller coaster ride as of late and I have not been very chatty. I pray this changes soon, so keep good thoughts coming and I will be back and then Im sure you wish I will shut up  HAHAHAHAHA  Peace peeps  Ciao For Now

Its going to be a long day

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

and that about sums it all up

Well

    herself her got a stellar review from my manager.  They do the reviews once a year and I am sure if they ever gave out a bonus Id be getting a good one. LOL  I was told I had a really good year and that i am a keystone in the office and a go to person for HR information.   I will say it was lovely to hear all this, but all I kept thinking in the back of my mind is well then pay me more money.  Sadly customer service is not looked upon as a high paying position, when in fact it should be.  I not only know one job, but I know the basic (and in many case entire realm ) of about 12 other jobs. I'm not exaggerating. I know time entry, Workday access, payroll, expense, tuition , verifications, health & welfare, and a few others.  This means all the policies, and all the changes that happen and keep updated information in my head.  I can be  scatterbrained at times, I'm the first to admit that. I do speak before I think and blurt things out but I know what I do well and my job is one of those!  Its just the nature of the beast, we do not make money for the company but I tell you it really bugs the fuckout of you when a person who makes 4x your salary (im not joking) is calling in for your help and he is very condescending. really man, who is calling who for help?  All in a days work right?
     Thank heaven the weekend is here. Somehow when its a short week it seems longer ya know? I'm actually in a good mood despite all the shit going on, I mean whats it going to do to be upset.  I get there sometimes but Im basically a upbeat person.
I was upset when I heard that Prince dies.  It was such a shock!  I texted my friend about it  he didn't know, and asked what about Prince,  so I send back, "He's dead!"  Talk about pulling the bandage off in one pull, I realized how rude it was, See like I said I talk before I think sometimes, but thankfully he knows me well. LOL  
   I wanted to stop by and share my good review with you all. Its nice to hear good things and know what you do at least gets noticed.   My little Customer service heart lept for joy  LMAO     Well peeps have a great weekend and I'll be back

So Where to Start?

     Well lets start with NYC, always a good thing.  Arrived about midnight Thursday(Friday  depending on your view) , dad was up as always waiting for me. Had a chat and then I went to sleep.  Woke up early as the birds in Queens decide to start singing at half 3 and 3 hours later were in full chirp mode.  I had the window wide open as it was a glorious sunny morning starting.  Took a shower and by the time dad woke up it was bright sunlight.  Day full of possibilities.  Plans with Sis fell through as well as the ones with my friend from Maine so I did some chores around the house.
I ended up at the beach, I really needed to see the ocean. Something about the water and the sound of the waves.  I was there for a while. Left and went to get groceries as I was making some meatballs and, what I call Sunday gravy. You know it as spaghetti sauce. LOL
     Saturday Sis and I went to a murder mystery play.  It was good to see my friend acting again and he was one of the better performers. Cheesy little play but cute enough, had a few laughs. Was good to see other friends too. A lovely couple and of course the wife (and my friend) of my friend in the show.  We the audience had to write down who we thought did the murders and why and I won funniest conclusion. It was a 25 dollar gift card for fandango.  YAY
It was my friends birthday too, but they were beat so we didn't so anything after the show. Didn't help that his Aunt had passed away and they were headed out to the wake the next day.  Sis and I took the Manhattan way home, I loved going through the city, its got an energy and asshole drivers of course  LOL
    Sunday I was at home most of the day and went over to visit our neighbors. They are so cool, love them to bits. Then cooked the rest of the late afternoon,   I did have a bagel one day for lunch, with a SF french vanilla iced coffee. This place makes cubes with coffee so as the ice melts it doesn't dilute the beverage.  Monday was the drive back.  Wasn't bad and the weather this trip was awesome!!
    So I had a surprise at work on Tuesday.  My paycheck never posted to my bank on Friday,  And I go to check on Tuesday and someone changed my banking details. This worries me as only I have my password. Its not like the account had wrong information it was an ENTIRELY different bank. It was Bank One (Chase) and I don't use them.  I haven't had a Chase account since the early 90's when I worked for Arizona Ice teas.  Changed it all back and sent my manager a screen shot and she is going ot see why this happened. A new check is being cut for me today, but you can bet I will be watching very closely end of every week at my information in the system. I just changed my passwords too. No Idea!
    And this brings you all up to date, thrills I know.  LOL   Ciao For Now peeps

New Blog tomorrow

When I have more bandwidth. Dad has no internet.  Lol
Ciao for now

So Its Finally A Sunny Day

    Okay as the song says, I can see clearly now the rain is gone.   I love that song. I see clearly and even though I'm not loving the immediate view there are lots of things I do enjoy.  These are the ones that I am trying so hard to focus on.  Thank heavens for Sis. we had a great chat the other night. we were going to have lunch on Friday along with my friend from maine who happens to be in NY also but both fell through.  hanging with Ed (daddy) on Friday night, I promised him a movie on TV night. Then Saturday is the play and out friends birthday.  Going to see if Sis wants to go have brunch on Sunday.  Thinking if heading into Manhattan to lplay around and she needs a ride in so I figured i'd suggest it.
     been a very hard time as of late but I'll get through it, always do and in the end it will all pay off I'm sure.  Hubs has some good feelers out and I'm very hopeful. I've also revampd my resume and and I sent it out to a few places a while back but now this reworked one is much better and I'm hoping I can get someplace also.  
     I'm hoping  that Spring will finally arrive LOL This weather is very chilly at night and gets warmer during the day.  I'm actually thinking that the second half of this year will be great. Fingers crossed.
    So here's to good things happening, good friends and good times   Ciao For now

This Sums It Up Nicely At The Moment

whoot whoot

I see some of my gal pals tomorrow  - no clue what we are doing but I'm just looking forward to seeing them, and then the next weekend I am in NYC. Get to see Sis and some other good friends.  of course my dad too. I just wish I didn't have to drive it, that I could just think it and whoosh I'd be there. How cool would that be.  

Thanks for the indulgence the other night, I'm better, but I sometimes have weak moments. I'm human.   Not many blogs lately I know as there are not a lot of things going on. Keep an eye out, I'll get my mojo back on soon and some more misspelled, amusing blogs coming your way.  I've had a few really good ones in the very recent past so catch up if you need to   LMAO

Ciao For Now 

Sometimes

     I lay awake at night and I just feel my strength leave me.  I've not been feeling well for awhile.  Not sure what it is only that it drains me.  Gives me stomach issues, headaches.  Legit pains but lots of stress.  I have a physical scheduled the middle of the month after I get back from NYC. I just have no umph! It's getting bad here again and this time I have no where to turn. Hubs is still waiting for unemployment to kick in and it's been a month. He's called but had to email so he's done that. He's had some interviews but nothing yet. He's getting very upset. I'm trying to be positive but it's difficult sometimes.  I'm a broken record stuck on the turntable hoping someone will turn me over and play a fun new song.  I'm just in a mood tonight peeps so bear with me if I vent.  
     I'm not taking care of me as I should.  I'm ins fuck it mood most nights.  Have fun conversation with Sis and that makes me feel better.  Can't wait to see her.  But sometimes lying here in the dark my mind wanders. I wNt to run away.  Then hubs will reach out to me in his sleep and grab my hand. He brings it up to his face and holds on  tightly.  I don't move my hand away until I know he's in a deep sleep.  I've fallen asleep sometimes too. But it's like I'm the only thing he has to hold on to. I love him and want him to have a job and enjoy it.  Yes money will be a huge help but he's losing his sense of self I think.  No one should feel useless .
    So it's nights like this I let my tears flow.  I'm writing not for the sympathy of anyone reading but more for myself. I can't keep this bottled in.   I'm thinking of asking the doctor for some Valium or something similar to calm myself on nights like this.
I'm under the covers. Fan is on so the room is cool and it feels so nice under the blanket.  I think of my mom at times like this.  I'm in my bed like when I was little.  Picture her sitting on my bed comforting me because I had a bad dream.  She was always there for me.  I miss her so.
     Anyway.  Wiping away my tears.  I need to settle down.  Work for me in the morning.  I know I haven't written in awhile. Sorry but this one was for me. I'll be back soon. So ciao for now