It's late but I can't sleep

I am trying to sleep, it's hard not to take the pain medicine they gave me but just about 10 minutes ago I gave in and took two vicodin. I'm watching Ricky Gervais to make me laugh and keep my mind off this but even he is not helping. Truth is my friends I've just sitting here crying. I feel like a friggin baby but this pain is so intense, I really can't believe how much so. Poor Pat, he is beside himself trying to ease the pain for me. Dear man has been getting me compresses that seem to draw things out but then it just restarts. I have no idea how deep this goes but my skin by the infected area is rock hard and still hot! I don't want to go get it drained as the idea scares me and repulses me at the same time. I am off from work tomorrow so I can just rest as the doc ordered but I feel so lazy but the pain meds are not inclusive to a productive work day. So here I am a grown woman crying like a baby. Fever is still there also, right now it's at 101.4 but it's not unusual for a fever to get higher at night. I was told if it goes beyond 102 I need to go to the hospital. Mind you my normal temp is somewhere around 97.8. wonder what station that is on the radio? LOL  Being able to vent out to you all is helping me. The cup of hot tea is helping me and I just want this over as soon as possible. I know I need to dry my tears and put my big girl panties on but right now I just want to hold onto someone. Pat is sleeping and I will not wake him as he gets so little sleep as it is. So I'm holding onto me!! I will be strong and get through this, this has become my mantra. I feel ashamed at my behavior,  as one of the gals I work with is in the hospital, she has meningitis (viral thank goodness) and I can only imagine the pain she must be in. Another girl I know just got news on Saturday her father died!! I feel so bad for her. These people have the right to cry - not me!! But I can't help it. Between this and Friday at work (another blog for another time) I am just very weak. Well enough self loathing for this blog, I am going to see about playing bejeweled. I suck at it lately but hopefully it will take my mind off my back. Being able to vent it out here helps me to show a better face to my friends. So please forgive me my brief indulgence. I mean I want you all to keep coming back to read my blog and I know this is not the way to do that :-D
I PROMISE I WILL BE BACK TO CHEERY MARY VERY SOON, I LOVE MY FRIENDS TOO MUCH TO KEEP BEING A NEEDY BIATCH!! :-)  XX