I Was Hurt, I Was Pissed!!

Why are people so mean? Tonight was such a nice evening I decided to put the top down on my car. Let me preface this with there are a few roads that even I will go the speed limit on since the police love to ticket for the slightest speed over the limit. Well I was on such a road and just motoring away listening to music. This big pick up comes up behind me, out of state plates too. Comes up right on my rear bumper, mind you I was in the right lane, he could easily pass me on the left. He rode this way for a few seconds then decided enough was enough. As he went past me he yelled out "Move you fucking cow!!"  What happened next surprised even me, I didn't yell back which the New Yorker in me would normally do. No, I broke into tears, cried all the way home. Fuck him, call me names will he?  What right does he have to do that? I wasn't doing anything wrong (for once) but he felt the need to insult me. It hurt, it hurt like it hasn't hurt in years. I'm getting weepy typing this. I mean ...I'm trying you know?? I've been eating salads and getting to the gym and not touching bread or sweets, and it's not easy to give up things you enjoy but I AM !! He has no idea what it's like to be me, I can say I don't give a rat's ass what people think all I want to but truth is of course part of me does. My friends are pretty and handsome and I hope they don't get embarrassed being seen with me. No - I realize they don't but things like this just open up those insecurity floodgates, and for a second you feel like you are drowning.  I wish I was rough and had a hard exterior but it's not who I am. I hurt easily although I don't show it often. I've dealt with comments like that all my life, you think they wouldn't bother me but yea I suppose they still do. Well fuck him and his out of state truck...writing that line didn't make me feel any better. I will feel better. Going to make a cup of tea and just relax, tomorrow is another day! I just had to get this out and you know that DOES make me feel better.  Sigh...I think no matter how much weight I lose or what size I end up at, I will never see myself differently than I do right now. I don't know this for a fact, only time will tell.......