Mirror Mirror On The Wall...

...what the F*^K happened?????  (LOL) I have come to love that line.  It seems so obvious as we get a bit older. The lines come around eyes and things sag a bit, okay a lot!! I like looking at a person age 35 or older and seeing the tiny lines around the eyes. That to me shows me they smile. It's interesting to see people who when in their teens are skinny things then you see them grown and they have filled out, some of us filled out a bit too much. I am such an overachiever in this! :-D  Acceptance of who we are and how we look is important because you must be true to your nature. To go against it only causes more problems. Now of course if it's your nature to rob, steal or do even worse then you have issues that obviously need attending to.  
     My nature is not a skinny miss , never in my life have I ever been a skinny miss anything. When one looks to my shoulders where they actually start they are not small they are at least a medium width so I was always meant to be on the higher side of my weight range and that's fine with me. I was always active so the weight stayed decent until I got my car. Then I got lazy. In highschool I was mainly a size 14 then up to a 16/18. Still had a waist and still had a figure that got looked at in approving ways and I have recently had more than one occurance of these looks again. The first happened a little while back in a grocery store when I got chatted up.  This felt great and then of course you read the blog where the lumox called me names and upset me. Since then I have been working on me and not giving in sans a few digestive biscuits over the weekend. The other day I was driving home from work and had the top down groovin' to my music. A car pulled next to me and I glanced over, the guy driving, (late 30's I would say) said "Lookin' Good!" I smiled and said yea I love my car in this weather. He then said that he wasn't talking about the car. I smiled and said awe thank you. He said I was "Adorable"  LMAO  adorable, wow, that took me aback a bit. I told him he really should wear his glasses when he drove and he laughed and replied "I calls them as I sees them!"  The light turned green and I said have a great night and off I drove, and I admit I felt great. I know it's girly but I liked what had just happened. Nothing was going to come of it but it was nice to hear and and he was a good looking guy himself. I know what you are thinking. Why shouldn't an attractive man think I am attractive as well?  I'm sure there are those that do and I don't even know it but it was nice.... just really nice to hear one of them say it. I am human and yes I admire a pretty face but then again I firmly believe that everyone has something beautiful in them so I rarely care what outer looks are like in personal contacts. Beauty is indeed individual not to be judged on a grand scale but each person beautiful in their own skin. I am feeling better in my own skin and I am starting to get noticed that the weight is coming off too. One of the ladies at work called me aside to ask how much weight I lost, not am I losing (?) but how much? One of my reps today said I looked really good today, he then said I mean you look nice every day but really nice today. I asked him what he had done wrong?  hahahaha   But yes after almost 2 months I can finally feel the difference in myself. During our evacuation last week not only did I quite briskly run down the stairs but I walked the entire length of our large parking lot and I could have kept going. Mind you last year I did it for a fire drill and stopped 3x while doing so. Those of you who know me know that walking is not a forte at the moment but the treadmill has helped as has the weight loss. I repeat my mantra: fit not skinny over and over to myself. A good friend reminded me that you don't need to be one to be the other.
     I don't know what I will look like when I get to where I want to be but I am going to enjoy the getting there. I can't wait to see my friends who I haven't seen in a while to see what they think. Gradually this cocoon is changing me. I mean fuzzy catipilliars are cute yes but I can't wait to emerge as a colorful butterfly, spread my wings and just fly ...for my own self, I don't do this for acceptance because those I care about already accept me just as I am and I love them for it!! ......  Okay I know this blog followed no one thought but well that's my mind sometimes. Lots to say and just blurt out my thoughts.  Oh and I am not posting my naughty story I wrote because reading it last night I realized if someone under age read it I might get in trouble. So send me your email if you want it. I do warn you it goes way beyond an "R" rating  hehehehehe  

Goodnight Irene! (teeny blog time )

As far as hurricane's go Irene did little to no damage in my direct area. For this I am truly grateful. I went out early yesterday to the grocery store to get supplies and although the store very quite crowded they had full supplies of anything one could want. I bought the veggies and meats for the week, cat food, milk, etc. and I also indulged in some McVitie's digestive biscuits. Not very South Beach Diet I will admit but I treated myself a little. Had 3 with a cup of tea last night (oink oink), as I listened to the wind pick up and the rain came down much harder, pounding on the windows. It was quite a cozy scene. I was reading my kindle, Pat was on the computer, cat was curled next to me and we were safe and warm and together. Neighboring areas were getting hit a bit more than us and of course my cousin down by VA Beach lost power several times and was hit much worse than we were up here. Coastal areas got hit hard, from NC all the way up to NY and I am still waiting to hear the results from my friends in Maine. I tried calling my Dad today but got no answer the 3x I tried. I was figuring he must have lost power. I was just about to call his neighbor when my phone rang and it was Phil (the neighbor) calling to let me know all was okay and my dad was fine. They had lost power during the night when the storm surged. He assured me that if it continued he would have my dad come over and he was taking him out to eat anyway. I tell you;  Phil and Marri are living angels that were sent to watch out for my dad while I can't be there. Phil actually checks my dad's doors at night to make sure they are locked. I can't thank them enough for all they do for my dad. From what I can tell all is good with my friends and they are none the worse for wear. So I just wanted to say to say that for once I have no problem saying , bring on Monday....they are predicting sun!!   Ciao my lovlies

    

Earthquake AND Hurricane All In One Week!!

     For a state that is fairly boring weather wise we are being over achievers this week for sure!! I am thankful that I am (and was) not in direct hit of either of these. The hurricane is really just producing lots and lots of rain and wind but nothing terrible. My cousin down in VA Beach had her power go out, but hopefully we will not experience that here.  

     As for my own personal issues my tattoo is all healed BUT the test results came back from the culture my doctor sent to the labs and it turns out I have MRSA. This in case you don't knowis a bacterial infection that can be quite dangerous. I got the call and started to read about it and of course as I read I got terrified that I would never be able to touch another human again as long as I lived.  This is NOT the case thank God. I rushed right to my doctors to get a follow up and he looked at my back and said it's healing nicely. He was pleased because he had suspected this and the antibiotics he gave me was one of two that actually fight this. I asked him all sorts of questions, ranging  from can I go to work again right to can I have sex? He gave me the green light on all of these..YAY!! (Obviously that's more for the sex part than the work) He sees no reason why this will not totally leave my body and I will be cleared. I asked can I get it again? He said yes, he also said anyone can. It's something that we can get from toilets, handles, shopping carts, if someone coughs there is no reason he told me to worry. But at least I know I wasn't crazy because this thing hurt like hell!! He also assured he he does not believe it is from my new ink! Good since I'm getting my other piece by year end. I just got scared because, my God, the reports on this thing make it sound deadly, he again assured me my case is not severe and I went right away so I am going to be fine!! Yes I am going to hug you when I see you and you wont have to be concerned. Because to live without the touch of another person to me is NOT living. It's a virus that somehow thought I looked delicious! LOL 

     It is really quite a boring weekend here at home and with the rain pouring down it makes you want to put on a pot of tea and curl up with a good book. I just bought "The Help" so that's my plan for now. I hope the weekend is treating you all kind and to my family and friends in line of this hurricane I know most of you will be hit harder than I am so please know you are in my thoughts. 

Life - You Really Must Laugh

     I was sitting here laughing to myself at just the way the day can play out sometimes. As my last post stated I am feeling quite empowered as of late! I love my friends and I enjoy my job. My creeping grunge of an infection is finally subsiding where I now can make it through the day without a vicodin to kill the pain. Great news indeed! Today started well enough, played a new game on facebook called "Words with Friends' and am currently playing with 2 friends right now. Had to go into work early but no biggie as I'm usually early anyway. Then BAM!!! get email from Hubby, bad news that could end in a very bad situation, no resolution anytime soon so that on top of personal issues I will be taking care of soon just made for an interesting day. BUT..you have to smile, you have to deal with issues you can, worry about the ones that need worrying and wait to see what unfolds. Life is interesting and no one said it would be easy but if you do it right it is worth it!!  My facebook status right now is:
 "Life can indeed throw you curveballs and I have found by dealing with them as not to get hit, you find yourself dancing!!"   Well my Aunt likes it at least. LOL  I found myself getting into a hole I was digging and the farther down I went the more I was isolating myself and pushing those I love away from me. Oh everyone has been lovely telling me all is fine but I can tell I am getting a bit over the top and even if I am reading into things then the reason is all the more my issue that I need to correct.  Thank the Gods my friends are tough enough to handle an 'ole bird " like me? :-D
     So as I said to someone today, I have lost 25 pounds and those are the needy bad pounds that Iwas adding to myself. I am ridding myself of these and will emerge a much more pleasant me. Oh I'm still funny as shit!!LOL  Lately though I have had a much shorter fuse than I usually do. Perhaps it's because my job is now in management and I have to deal with things that really impact my reps positions. It's been 5 months but I have never been in management before and I am finding that I enjoy it very much but there is a line you walk that is sometimes a bit opaque. So I am more stressed than before.  Life is changing that's for sure. I mean my Dad is dating and I'm getting my bills in order, I make decisions at work now, and ....oh damn!!...I...HAVE...BECOME...AN...ADULT!!!   Well it was bound to happen sometime and you know what?  As an adult I relish playtime even more. You really are never too old to have a happy childhood.  So there ya have it peeps. My observation as the "Fool On The Hill".  Enjoy it all, everyday if possible. Until next time my lovlies.......Carry On! x

Little added bonus: 

This Crazy Silly Blog Is Brought To You By A Totally Sober Person ;-)

     I am a good friend.I write this to remind myself as things unfold and a touch of doubt creeps in. You see years ago someone told another friend of mine that being my friend is just hard work and not worth it. See he was wrong, I AM WORTH IT!! I will be the first to admit I go overboard sometimes to the point where I can imagine people need a break from me. But I will god damn guarantee if you really need a friend to talk to or to cry to or just know you can be yourself with then you have found her!! I know how and when to keep my mouth shut which amazes people as I rarely am quiet! I stalk my friends on websites occasionally, I'll even poke you LOL but I would never interfere with them. I mean I am on them as well and am doing my own thing too. PLUS it's not stalking unless you do it everyday and with intent to cause mischief!! Which I do NOT DO! As much as I love mischief at times I am not about that. One reason I am friends with people is that we share the same interests. Movies, erotica,  tattoos, comedy, art, FUN!!  So why wouldn't we be on the same sites? Right? Exactly my point!  God I have almost 200 friends now on facebook. Oh hell Christmas cards...I should start them now! LMAO 

     On that note back there -  the sex one...you know what?? FUCK THE WORLD I AM SEXY!!!!!!  When I wrote this blog - in my first one ever I said I was jealous of those ladies I saw on Deviant Art or Flickr or in magazines, well I have changed my "tude!! I was guided to an article in The Village Voice by a good friend that really opened my eyes. Fat chicks can be and ARE sexy and there are many people who would agree. Beauty is so individual yet the media wants to turn us into the Stepford people who unless you look like this or act like that you are not normal. Well if being a card board cut out mimicking all I read about beauty standards by people who dont even know me is "NORMAL" then I want NO part of normal.  I have many friends on Deviant (shout out to M and A and P - holla...LOL ) and I have commented on new deviations they set out for us to enjoy. (I get notices of them)   I sure as hell hope they, my friends, have seen my newest submissions. They are me!! Big, proud and beautiful! There are face shots and artsy and yes even Boob shots!! GASP!!! And you know what?? I am getting nice comments not eww get that blob off the page so IN YOUR FACE!! Glamor magazine, STUFF IT!!! Cosmopolitan  I am worth it, I am worth knowing and I AM FUCKING SEXY!!!! 

     I am planning a surprise photo shoot very soon. I may post some of them on here but most will be on facebook and the more saucy will go to Deviant. Really saucy ones, well not sure what to do with those yet. LOL Is it wrong to feel this way. I LIKE when someone looks at my picture and calls me gorgeous or pretty or the like! I am not out to "GET ANYONE"  my friends know that I am sincere and trustworthy, hell I'm a married lady but why can't a married lady have someone tell her she is sexy. I get my big gal catalogs at work with the bra ads in them and my male co-workers look and we go through them and I like to listen to their input. One is married and one is not and I will say on occasion easy big fella when a particularly pretty gal is in a layout. I mean they have their women at home and they have me at work!! What else could they want?  Oh I am so silly tonight! HAHAHAHHAHA  We all know that answer, same thing we all want! Everything! Cake and eat it too. Oh but no cake , cake is bane, cake has carbs. Sorry but I will not stop looking at Jason on True Blood nor would I expect them or my husband to stop looking at what they do. Puleeze!! My hubs has so many nude photos of women. Some of them, the content (?), I just turn and say keep dreaming! ;-)  I know men are visual and as a woman I want to fill that need and I can, why? Come on say it with me, because big gals can be and are SEXY!!!!!!!! I am fortunate to know several larger gorgeous women, one who follows this blog. You ladies are just beautiful and I want you to know that's I see you , that's how your spouses see you and that's how your other friends and family see you. If the world doesn't always see it the same way...SCREW THEM, they are the ones missing out.  So love you ladies and to all my peeps - ciao for now xx

I feel The Earth Move.....

Well pumpkins today, which I thought would be a boring day had a bit of excitment. We had an earthquake. Yep, well we were about 100 miles give or take from the epicenter but man did we feel it. It was a 6.0 so it was a decent size and was felt all the way up to NY city.  I was sitting at my desk when I felt this odd rumble and I thought here comes the trash truck but it was no trash truck. Then I was afraid a plane's landing gear fell ont he buidling or worse a small plane clipped us!! No explosions so then naturally it hits you .....EARTHQUAKE!! really in Virginia, but we are on the east coast we don't get those.  Well we do and since our buildings are not equiped for this the damage could be bad. Luckily it was over in a few minutes, but in that few minytes I saw things being knocked off desks and people standing waiting for others to tell them to leave. I already had my purse in my hand and my sunglasses on!! My little legs moved faster than anyone probably thought they could.
I wasn't scared, I was intrigued!! I felt so energized by this. It was oddly exciting. Truthfully my mind registered there was no real danger so I could in fact enjoy the adrenaline rush I was on.  I have to interject here that if there was more of an emergency I still would have been uber alert. People know me as miss peace love and granola but I can also be quite sharp and to the point when needed. LET'S GO BACK IN TIME - FOLLOW ME.........HEHEHE I was going to be an EMT and today reminded me of that call I had years ago. Sadly it did not come to fruition by a cruel twist of fate. You see I was 2/3 into the course, state CPR certified (still am by the way, bet ya didn't know that about me LOL) and the next week I was to ride in the ambulance and take my driving certification for emergency vehicles. Well the next week I was in the ambulance only as a patient being rushed to the hospital as I could not breathe. Turned out I had a blood clot in my lung that was misdiagnosed originally. I sucked down 2 oxygen tanks on the way to the the hospital and was in there for 10 days. It was bad the first 3 days but I got better. After I got out I spoke to the Cheif and he explained that I can't make up classes and that I would have to start the entire course again. Really!!?? I can't afford that since at that time I was in my own place paying rent and car payments so stupidly I never went back. It's still in me though and who knows maybe when I get to my ultimate fit size I may just go back. I want to go to school to learn more and get a degree in something. I don't want to feel like I just gave up. I was planning school this year but thats another story for another time. Wow - not event he best train engineer can keep my train of thought on track. hahahahahaaha  

As for me I am feeling okay, not great but I am taking my meds religiously (I wear a robe & chant as I swallow the pills  LOL- sombody stop me!!! )  As it seems to happen the night is coming and I feel a fever coming on. By that I mean I am feezing and feel very lethargic. I can promise when I get home my fever will be up.  I am glad that i came to work though, I need to come here I hate being lazy and will not waste sick days for days that I can come into work. Plus thre is always something happening here, good or bad it's not boring!! Well dearhearts it's 7PM and I just wanted to jot down the days events. Here's something I bet you would not have guessed...I can't wait for halloween! Not that I am doing anything that I know of yet, but I can't wait to make my Halloween cards. I have some new images and want to send them to people. Also I just ordered something that I can't wait to arrive. I bought it for my hubby and a friend of mine and can't wait to see the reaction from either of them. hehehehe  I LOVE surprises, don't you.  So until next time ...ciao for now!!

The Best Medicine

Well as you can tell from the last two blogs I have not been a happy camper. I will say though that the well wishes from my friends helped me so much. In particular the chance I had to have 2 lovely chats with 2 dear friends. One Saturday morning and one late last night or early this morning however you look at it (it was around 3AM) I tell you speaking with these people and just being able to enjoy their company albeit not in person was the best medicine ever!! Hearing about their plans for the coming weeks and just being in touch with them, well it took my mind off my pain like no vicodin ever could. They were blessings that came to me at the right time boy!! Love them and thank them. Plus my other friends who right away sent well wishes. I am a very very lucky woman!

     On top of all this stupid infection that I'm sure you are all tired of hearing about I had a hell of a day Friday. It was a bit crazy at work since it was the last day for two of my reps. Well as 5PM rolled around only one was left and he worked until 6. Of course I had no intention of making him stay but during the day he was taking breaks whenever he wanted and not logging on to the phones. Now yes I understand the mentality but if you say you are friends with those you work with why then are you being rude to them by making them work more on YOUR last day. They will have enough work Monday. Well I was just about to let him go when he announces he is going to the bathroom (it is now 5:30) about 10 minutes go by and I figure he will just stay there until 6 so I txt him to make sure he is okay. He txts back diarrhea, how nice of him. So me being the bold brazen gal that I am I go to the men's room and my thoughts are validated. It's empty!! No one is there. He simply walked out of the building. On his computer was a note that said "You Lose". I was very hurt. I had stood up for this person, and the only reason he had a job was that my manager also stood up for him and this is how he repays us.  Bad form, very bad form! I actually got teared up. I must have been visually upset because one of my other reps asked me if I was okay. This is why I don't play poker LOL    I believe everyone is good and that sometimes comes back to bite me in the ass but he is a good kid and look I wish him well but he will not be re-hired here. He burned his bridge and he shouldn't have. I care about these reps. They have to remember so much and I know it gets intense. Hell it's only been 5 months that I have been supervisor.So I try to always keep the candy jars filled or I will bring in doughnuts or bagels for them to show them I appreciate all they do. So I guess I took it a little personal when he just walked out. My lesson learned but I can't change who I am and if it happens again I again will be upset. My body was just stressed so I think I may have been more sensitive than usual. 

     So as of 2PM on Monday afternoon I am feeling better, 100% mentally and much better physically.  So it's uphill from here.  The weather has been changing also. I am not seeing the temps hitting the 90's and it's getting darker earlier so Autumn is right around the corner and I can't wait. Apple picking, fall colors, cooler temps. I just love this time of year. Maybe because I was born in October it just appeals to me. I adore the tastes of fall as well. Pumpkins, corn, dates, apples, cinnamon and cloves except now I will be making low carb and gluten free recipes in my head.  Here's a quick one I will make for Pat this weekend.  Take about 2 to 3 cups of gluten free Bisquick, add 2 eggs, 1 /2 cup of  fat free evaporated milk, melt about a stick of butter, then 1 cup of pumpkin puree, I also use about a cup of chopped apples, raisins can be used also, cinnamon and cloves to taste. Splenda to taste as well perhaps a 1/4 cup to start. Mix it all together until a sticky dough forms. Drop by large spoonfuls onto a baking sheet and bake at 350 for about 20 minutes. Autumn drop scones. Make a drizzle for the top by combining powdered sugar with milk until it reaches drizzle consistency LOL  I don't measure this when I make it, I thought this up years ago so the recipe is in my head.  Hehehe   They are good though and I love Bisquick as a starter. I also have a recipe for spelt pancakes I will post but I don't remember the measurements off the top of my head.

    

It's late but I can't sleep

I am trying to sleep, it's hard not to take the pain medicine they gave me but just about 10 minutes ago I gave in and took two vicodin. I'm watching Ricky Gervais to make me laugh and keep my mind off this but even he is not helping. Truth is my friends I've just sitting here crying. I feel like a friggin baby but this pain is so intense, I really can't believe how much so. Poor Pat, he is beside himself trying to ease the pain for me. Dear man has been getting me compresses that seem to draw things out but then it just restarts. I have no idea how deep this goes but my skin by the infected area is rock hard and still hot! I don't want to go get it drained as the idea scares me and repulses me at the same time. I am off from work tomorrow so I can just rest as the doc ordered but I feel so lazy but the pain meds are not inclusive to a productive work day. So here I am a grown woman crying like a baby. Fever is still there also, right now it's at 101.4 but it's not unusual for a fever to get higher at night. I was told if it goes beyond 102 I need to go to the hospital. Mind you my normal temp is somewhere around 97.8. wonder what station that is on the radio? LOL  Being able to vent out to you all is helping me. The cup of hot tea is helping me and I just want this over as soon as possible. I know I need to dry my tears and put my big girl panties on but right now I just want to hold onto someone. Pat is sleeping and I will not wake him as he gets so little sleep as it is. So I'm holding onto me!! I will be strong and get through this, this has become my mantra. I feel ashamed at my behavior,  as one of the gals I work with is in the hospital, she has meningitis (viral thank goodness) and I can only imagine the pain she must be in. Another girl I know just got news on Saturday her father died!! I feel so bad for her. These people have the right to cry - not me!! But I can't help it. Between this and Friday at work (another blog for another time) I am just very weak. Well enough self loathing for this blog, I am going to see about playing bejeweled. I suck at it lately but hopefully it will take my mind off my back. Being able to vent it out here helps me to show a better face to my friends. So please forgive me my brief indulgence. I mean I want you all to keep coming back to read my blog and I know this is not the way to do that :-D
I PROMISE I WILL BE BACK TO CHEERY MARY VERY SOON, I LOVE MY FRIENDS TOO MUCH TO KEEP BEING A NEEDY BIATCH!! :-)  XX

Vicodin Dreams

Well my dears, it seems that I was right to go to the doctors. I have an infection on my back. Ewwww and gross and can you say hurts like hell? It started last week with little pimples and all of a sudden an outbreak of mini boils, WTF?? I shower every day so how the hell did this start?  The one in particular that is the problem is a boil that got infected. The skin is hot and hard which normally is a good thing (wink wink  lol) but in this case not so much. The area is no longer the dime size it was and is about 3 inches around. The doctor was debating lancing it but opted not to especially when he heard the intake of breath I had when he just went close to it. So instead I got a shot of antibiotics and a prescription for more. I am still running a fever, 101 to be exact. I feel nauseous and the pain I feel is what I imagine being stabbed would feel like. For this the nice doctor gave me the pain killer vicodin.  I am not a pill popper but this time I will make the exception as the pain is really bad. I am hoping this will clear up sooner than later. I will be on antibiotics for 10 days. The one thing he told me was that it had nothing to do with my new ink. I was quite relived about that. The ink is fine actually and healed nicely.   So for now it's warm compresses and drugs for me. I will be back to write more but I actually feel a bit sick to my stomach right now. It comes and goes so fast, quite annoying as you can imagine. So until next time peeps ....ciao

NOT A GOOD ONE PEEPS

Thank heavens it's Friday that's all I'm saying. My back feels like it's on fire, and work is just crazy. Not in the best of mood. I even had a sliver of cake to celebrate the people leaving and I feel horrible about it even though I know it's not going to do anything but I have had such a bad day with how I'm feeling and I got weak and I HATE that!! I'm NOT a weak person. Well what's done is done..onward and upward.  Got a busy weekend so not sure if I will be back tonight or tomorrow but look for me Sunday when I'm sure I wil be posting  LOL
Until then peeps, ciao :-)

Lemonade Anyone?

They say when life gives you lemons make lemonade. I have countered that with I wish it would give me sugar cane so I can make rum! Well life indeed can throw you curves and some of them can knock you on your ass! We live and learn hopefully all the while trying to maintain a sense of self. A self that we can be proud of. In my life there have been things I am not proud of.  Petty things really that some folks may say "Really, that's it?" Maybe to them it was nothing but to remember the lipstick I took from the drugstore without paying for it when I as 13 still to this day haunts me. The occasional teasing of someone who, like myself, was not the normal looking kid, but for the brief moment I was NOT the one being teased.Again still upsets me that I was like that to anyone. But we are who we are. Our past has brought us to be the people we are today. 

     I was reminded a valuable lesson early today. That you can't freak out over things that may change slightly from what you are used to. Situations occasionally make it difficult to act the way you may have acted previously but if you are true to yourself you need not worry. Friends have lives of their own and the beauty of friends, real friends is that you can pick up where you left off. The day to day happenings that at times keep you apart melt away when you get to enjoy each others company again. The fact that my friends for the most part are not near me and that I am not a part of the day to day goings on, or not there to share the good times as much as I would like,  occasionally;  I admit makes me worry that I will be forgotten. Silly fear I know and it holds no merit whatsoever but I am human after all and fall into the pity traps that we subconsciously lay down. I myself have more to do at work and here at home so I also don't call as much as I should either, but I must be true to my nature, after all isn't that what my friends like about me? LOL  My intent towards my friends is pure and I hope I never make them feel stressed by being my friend. I can be a bit over the top but again, isn't that something which may have been the reason I am friends with these people. I have noticed a pattern in my friends as well. They are funny, intelligent, love to talk, can debate well. They love art, music and are articulate. They all have personal demons inside and they all have conquered them, I respect them.  

     I am traveling a road that is long, I have hit my 25 pound weight loss. My first milestone. Now to do that 3 more times! I bring my friends with me every day even though many of them don't even know this. My thoughts of them and my memories of the times we have had helps me when I get weak. One day I will thank each one of them separate. For now I thank them all. It is now 6AM and I have been awake since 2:30AM going to try to get a little sleep before work, wish me luck LOL   Until my next rambling I say have a great day.
    

A little concerned.

Well it's been two weeks and although my new ink is healing in of itself the area around it and one little spot in it is being pimpled out!! I am not happy. This has never happened to me before and the fact that it's around my fairy that is 2 years old is a bit worrisome to me. I am beginning to wonder if I am developing a latex allergy or perhaps something in the gloves she wore is reacting to my skin. The one closest to the top really hurts. I am taking aspirin in case there is an infection. I am thinking I may have to go get some antibiotics to clear this up...and in case you are wondering yes I still am getting my other fairies done within the year. It could just be bad timing that it happened the same time I got my new ink. 99.7% of my ink is all nice and mellow same as always within 2 weeks but I want to get this cleared up. NOW!! Not like I am aggravating it with any straps because I haven't worn a bra since I had it done  hehehe  yep girls have been free range all this time.

Has anyone had this happen to them I would love to know or even if you know anyone this has happened to. Let me know please. Well just was a quick vent as I need to make cards for two people at work who are leaving this Friday. So good night all and will be back real soon.  Ciao for now..

Who Am I ?

Ah the eternal question, who am I? I am me is the answer many will respond but if you sit down and think about it we are each our own little conglomerate. What I mean by that is we are affected by our surroundings. I can't begin to tell you at work how many times I've heard the people on the other end of the phone ask me., "You're from New York aren't you?" I've lived here in Virginia now for 13 years and STILL they can tell. I am and will always be a New Yorker. It's part of me, a part I never want to lose. Because despite the grime and couresness (is that even a word? LOL) New York has a kind of magic all it's own.  I've lived in California the other city..hahaha....but there is no comparison. Oh it was okay enough and I admit going up the coast to Carmel or Monteray is wonderful but it's heart beats weaker than New Yorks. There is just something about that city that makes you feel like no other. Yes I know for those of you who work there in the daily grind it's not always wonderful, there is major traffic and so many people. I thought that as well and that was one reason I wanted to leave all those years ago BUT and this is a but bigger than mine...once I was gone I immediately missed her.  I missed my family I missed my friends. I missed the community I had been a part of. See I'll let you in on a secret, to this day I have never really fit in down here. Oh I have some friends and there are so many wonderful people but it is still a loose fit. NY is snug as a bug as the saying goes.  You can't explain some things.... for example is Central Park.  You enter the park as as you walk farther in you all of a sudden realize the traffic sounds are gone and there is a sense of peace (at least to me there always was). There are people playing baseball, or jogging, or throwing frisbees. You walk past the huge bronze Alice In Wonderland statues or go to the great fountain or my favorite, lay on one of the huge rocks that dot the ground and watch the ducks swimming on the lake or just watch the clouds go by. Your stress melts away.  If that's too mellow you can always go to Times Square and shop and feel the electricity in the air. Go see a show or take a tour bus (which I so want to do as I never have  lol)  So many museums to peruse through and the resturants oh my - you have the 5 star places that will boggle your mind then you can go to Gray's Papaya uptown and for very little coin you a great hot dog and papaya drink. Oh and speaking of hot dogs, you have the street vendors. The Sabrett hot dogs are the best I swear they are, with sauerkraut and mustard or those fabulous onions in the red sauce. You can't go wrong eating under the stars as my parents always called it.  I have been lucky to see NY through the eyes of someone not from there and it made the city look even better.  Yes I miss New York and all she has to offer. I think one time I will book a NY holiday and stay in Manhattan otherwise known as "The City" to those of us from there even though all 5 bouroughs make up the city. LOL   So in answer to the main question "Who am I?"  I am sensitive yet a hard ass, I am a dreamer yet a realist, I love beauty and art and music, I love my fellow man as a whole yet hate the ignorance of individuals. I am a bitch perhaps at times and an angel as well. I am sexy yet demure and  I will always say I am a NEW YORKER!

Add on here folks: 

As the 10th anniversary of the Trade Center (Twin Towers) disaster approaches I am posting this here. This short video (about 8 minutes) is just wonderful and shows the true heart of  New York. I cried that day ten years ago, and many times after thinking of the senseless loss that was actually a global loss as so many people from so many countries lost loved ones that day. I cried watching this too but smiled this time as well. God I really truly love New York!

Give this a watch no matter where you live (YOU MAY HAVE TO CUT & PASTE THE URL - SORRY)

http://news.yahoo.com/behind-the-scenes-look-at-9-11-memorial.html
 

Ah Technology

     Coming off of a decent weekend I walk into work to find that our phones are down,  I will have to play a lottery as this is the first time in the 3 years I've worked here that this has happend and only the second time in 12 I've heard.  You may be thinking great, yu have an easy day then. Not really whenyou supervise a helpdesk you need those calls coming in so our companies other office in Chantilly is opening up it's doors to us and I wil be leaving her soon and heading out there. This may be for a day or so since Verizon (the phione company is on strike!!)   So now I am just waiting for the call for us all to "Bug Out" to the other building. We will be caravaning our way there and get our temp badges for that office as the ones we use do not work there. LOL  HAPPY MONDAY INDEED!!
     I am in a good mood though since I broke through my plateau. Originally I thought the loss was a pound and a half but yesterday afternoon I stepped on the scale and it actually totaled 3 lbs!! AWESOMNESS..it felt good to see.  I went on the South beach Diet website and hit up the boards to find that I was nit the only one that after about a month had this happen. Also I have found that my 24 pounds since July 5th is considered rapid loss. Really? I wasn't doing anything special except I did go to the gym on occasion this time. Well I think it's becasue I want to lose a greater amount of weight than some of these ladies. I wrote to more than one person to stay the course and not give up becasue it does right itself and the weight will come off.
     My manager surprised me today by bringing me fresh tomatoes from her garden. Nice round ones and smaller grape tomatoes..YUMMY!! later in the week she has cukes and squash for me too. I adore squash and tomatoes both and think I may need to make a casserole of sorts this weekend using them both. Perhaps saute some onions add the veggies then low fat cheese, bake it up. Still forming the recipe in my head and well, we shall see how it turns out. One of the nice things about summer is all the fresh veggies, I love going to the farmers market on Saturday mornings to get my stuff for the week. I haven't had much fruit this season because of the sugar content even though I am now allowed certain fruits. I am leery to add more things as I am happy with what Im eating now. I eat like a pig I feel, I always seem to be putting something in my mouth!
     Now for all of you waiting for my adult story, it's coming (no pun intended). I am writing a new one just for here. So keep looking, I'm such a tease...hehehehe
Okay it's now 1:30PM no idea when we are heading out so I will say bye for now. Tootles!!
   

Sunday Bloody Sunday

     Well more like Sunday itchy Sunday. My ink now has developed a few small pimples, WTF?? I spoke with my artist and she said it does happen and I can dab them with witch hazel. I swear at my age pimples should be a thing of the past. Plus I NEVER had them on my back but she insisted it happens often. I guess all ink is different. My owl oozed a lot and it was the only one that did so this one is doing this. In the long run it is so worth it though, have I mentioned I love tattoos?  hahaha

     Okay big news people!!! I think I finally broke through my plateau. I weighed myself and down another pound and a half. I know it's not the 3 or 4 I lost early on but it's a loss and one that can be seen on the scale..yay!!! Thank you again my friends for your words of encouragement and sense! I was talking with Jo-Ann yesterday and she is down 17 pounds. She admitted that she has cheated a bit but is still losing. It's so hard not to cheat especially when there is food around you. I told her the other day when I went to Dunkin' Donuts to get the K-cups I decided to treat my staff to doughnuts. I bought 3 dozen to bring in. I didn't touch them I'm happy to report. I pretended that my grilled chicken was a gooey vanilla creme filled doughnut, didn't work....LOL hey they will be making those years from now so no rush plus before you know it the holidays will be here and if I'm going to eat anything bad it will be one of my Christmas spritz cookies. I make a damn good cookie then I filled with raspberry jelly then dip half in chocolate. Takes time to do but they are delicious. So I will wait!  I gave Jo-Ann my low carb peanut butter cookie recipe to try so she can cheat and still be on track. I think I posted it in another blog but in case not here it is:  take a cup of natural peanut butter (or any of your choice) then add one egg, and about 1/4 cup of splenda. Mix it up them roll into balls. Flatten with a fork making that criss cross pattern we all know and love. Bake for about 15 minutes at 350 degrees and there you have it. Loosen them from the baking sheet but let them cool a bit before lifting off as they are very crumbly. Two per serving and I usually get about a dozen from this recipe. I mean , no it's not as good as if there was flour and other things but the essence is there and it's a nice treat in the evening with a cup of tea. Well she said she was going to make some today and let me know how they turned out. Us humans are so adaptable it really should be easier than it is sometimes. 

     It's raining here today and the weather is not helping me get my ass in gear. I need to do grocery shopping and things around here. Pat is going to do the laundry today he said. We were both up early , him around 5 , me about 6. It's now 8 and all I've done is chatted with a friend on facebook and made coffee. So productive LOL  So I'm cutting this short and headed into the world. be back later methinks...Ciao for now peeps! Enjoy your Sunday :-)

Happy

Just finished listening to Mary J. Blige's song "Be Happy" (My Life is a great CD btw) and that's what it all boils down to I think. Don't we all want to be happy. Come on raise your hands, I know you do and yet we come across things in life that make us very unhappy. The trick is not to let things make you unhappy. Look I know that we need to be serious and make decisions that truly matter for us and our loved ones but we can still do this and be a happy person. Year ago when I was young my Nana used to take me to ride the trains with her into Brooklyn (El trains and she loved walking through the cars and I would look down at the street below us and get queezy - I digress  LOL) She would say to me-  look at that person, see how their mouth naturally goes into a frown shape, that means they are not a happy person. How Nana could tell this was uncanny to a 5 year old but I remember it to this day. I look at my mouth when closed (Yes I know doesn't happen that often! ) and the line is straight across. So I guess that means I'm average. Not always sad or angry yet not always happy either. 

What makes us happy differs for everyone, I mean yes there are things that make everyone happy but like for me, one thing that makes me really happy is being able to make my friends happy. I love seeing the smiles on their faces and hearing laughter and it makes me feel sooooooooo good. Would love to know what makes you all happy. It would be kind of cool to have lots of comments either one word or a few sentences from everyone who reads this and see how many have the same answer. I'm in a silly mood, so are you all game? You can do it without anyone knowing who you are if you want. LOL Okay THIS is making me happy now. I'm getting excited to see the answers I may get.  Go ahead, I'll wait.  hehehe   

Hills, Valleys and Plateaus

Okay WTF!! It's been over a week and I have lost nothing!! The scale has not moved in either direction. I admit it's putting me in a not so great mood. Things that shouldn't bother me all of a sudden are extending into these scenarios in my head that would rival movies like Ben Hur or Cleopatra!! I doubt myself and my relationships and am afraid I'm losing my friends (which I KNOW I'm not!). It's driving me fookin' bonkers!! WOW that felt good, I needed to get that out. My friend Matt said it happens and he is correct I know but there goes that little "only inner child" stomping her foot again!! She is a real pain in the arse at times :-)  My other friend Steve sent me a very nice txt this morning and when I replied I wrote it's pissing me off and my phone, my phone mind you changed pissing to pudding! Even my phone has it in for me today!  I had a good chuckle over that and man I needed it.  I am a happy person damn it!! hehehe  I love life and I love to have fun but I am afraid that sometimes I am too boring right now. I am not bringing anything to the table so to speak. That's my mind of course and I would get a different response from those I work with and friends of course. We laugh and have fun when together so I suppose nothing has changed except in my head, which as we know can be a scary place. On the plus side I have not faltered, I have not had any cakes, cookies, candy, sugars (I know that one bottle of root beer last Saturday- fine!! ) breads, nothing but proteins and veggies and low fat cheeses when I do eat cheese. This in of itself is a miracle because usually when I'm stressed nothing says I love you more than a raspberry Zinger cake....hahaha,,,,but the I love you now is showing itself in my clothes that are getting looser every day. My manager and I had a good laugh over my slacks yesterday. I am so very fortunate to be surrounded by people who allow me to be me. Those I work closely with are very cool people and of course my friends are fabulous. So why the hell am I complaining?? I'm not complaining, I'm just frustrated!! I know that this is not an overnight deal, I am not going to wake up one morning and be a size 16 but one day I will. Yet I will be me, I will always be the girl with the sweater whose sleeves are too long , and her hair not quite the same way she started the day out with it. Who stops in front of every pet store to look at the puppies in the window, and drives a bit too fast with music a bit too loud!  I am a dreamer who needs to be a realist at this point in time. Amazing I don't implode!!  wink wink 

OH, AND MY TATTOO FOOKIN' ITCHES LIKE NO ONES BUSINESS!!!! Of course I can't scratch it and even when I try to smack it myself it doesn't work. I look like a dog trying to chase it's own tail. Another week and it should be fine.  Whoo talk about a non sequiter, that was a good one! So thanks for hanging in with me peeps. Ciao for now.....

No Post Tonight

Bad Night Guys, sorry. Catch you at some point tomorrow. 

Ciao for now.

Well

     As it happens it looks like my trip to England will be postponed until 2013 instead of 2012. Yes I am disappointd but in reality it's not a bad thing, it will give me more time to save and more time to get myself as fit as I want to be. I'm mean Merry Ole' England is a walking kind of town. Also my friends there have a busy schedule and the last thing I want to do is impose but yes I want to spend time with them so seems the next year will be better for that. It happens and I wish I had the kind of bank account that allowed to to journey out when ever I wanted, man would my passport be filled! LOL I would visit them in England then Italy and France, Greece also. Then shoot over to my friends in Oz. Okay lets just say Europe and be done with it!! LOL 
     I am still antsy since I got my ink. It's a adrenaline rush and a turn on and I NEED MORE of the same.  I refuse to stay stagnent. Work is of course something I need to do but I have been getting lax at home. There is so much I want to do there so now it's time to do it! I told my hubby that I want to go away for a few days for his birthday in September. I also have plans to build myself a better vanity desk in the basement bathroom. I can have the wood cut at Lowes then just a few nails. I have the covering for it already, very feminine looing material to make the top and skirt. Cover with glass to keep clean add small stool and thre you have it. No it's not Ethan Allen furniture but it wil serve its purpose and give me a place to actually sit and put on my make-up. Yep cool weather is coming and I'm getting more & more motivated. These little legs of mine will be running al over the place. Starting on my Autumn and halloween cards this weekend as well.
     More I think on it, I WILL post my adult story, hey we ae al adults and I'll put a disclaimer just in case. LOL Those of you who have read my work, you know what to expect, those of you who haven't, well just get the cold showers ready. hahaha
     Until tonight my dears....peace out

What A Difference.

     In a mood I mean. Last night I was feeling so low and then today I am feeling much better. A few friends called and txted to inquire as to how I was and yea I admit it it felt nice. I am the kind of person who adores her friends. I love them dearly. I would shout it out to the world, so here goes:  I LOVE YOU MY DEAR FRIENDS!!!!  hehehehe  yep me a silly girl but I so need them more than they will ever know. This can make it hard for them sometimes as I get a bit more "Mary" on them , believe it or not they know what I mean, bless them.

     No real issues today, the day was pretty boring. Busy but status quo. I guess the funniest thing that happened to me was that I went to the gym early this morning, came home, showered, then proceeded to fall asleep with my hair in a towel. Woke up at 9:30 and freaked and got ready for work in like 10 minutes.  I think tomorrow I may try to wear a bra. The bottom strap goes across the very top of the tattoo and I don't want to rub the ink but it will be 4 days so it should be okay. Oh God does it itch, I want to find a tree and do my best grizzly imitation and scratch my back but no can do. So today while Bennie was training a few new folk I walk in , we have polite conversation then I stand up and ask him to smack me in the back. He looked at me like WTF are you asking but he did it and oh it felt sooooooo good. It's healing nicely and I will take a nice pic of the entire piece when it's healed.   So that's it my friends no real blog again tonight. I did find a story I wrote a few years ago, a bit of an adult tale , maybe just maybe I might post it up if I'm feeling saucy tomorrow, hehe

     Here is a song by Pink that is so great, because I will always be not the norm, have some fun and just be yourself!! The video is just fun, that's the word I'd pick, So enjoy peeps and until next time ciao...

I Was Hurt, I Was Pissed!!

Why are people so mean? Tonight was such a nice evening I decided to put the top down on my car. Let me preface this with there are a few roads that even I will go the speed limit on since the police love to ticket for the slightest speed over the limit. Well I was on such a road and just motoring away listening to music. This big pick up comes up behind me, out of state plates too. Comes up right on my rear bumper, mind you I was in the right lane, he could easily pass me on the left. He rode this way for a few seconds then decided enough was enough. As he went past me he yelled out "Move you fucking cow!!"  What happened next surprised even me, I didn't yell back which the New Yorker in me would normally do. No, I broke into tears, cried all the way home. Fuck him, call me names will he?  What right does he have to do that? I wasn't doing anything wrong (for once) but he felt the need to insult me. It hurt, it hurt like it hasn't hurt in years. I'm getting weepy typing this. I mean ...I'm trying you know?? I've been eating salads and getting to the gym and not touching bread or sweets, and it's not easy to give up things you enjoy but I AM !! He has no idea what it's like to be me, I can say I don't give a rat's ass what people think all I want to but truth is of course part of me does. My friends are pretty and handsome and I hope they don't get embarrassed being seen with me. No - I realize they don't but things like this just open up those insecurity floodgates, and for a second you feel like you are drowning.  I wish I was rough and had a hard exterior but it's not who I am. I hurt easily although I don't show it often. I've dealt with comments like that all my life, you think they wouldn't bother me but yea I suppose they still do. Well fuck him and his out of state truck...writing that line didn't make me feel any better. I will feel better. Going to make a cup of tea and just relax, tomorrow is another day! I just had to get this out and you know that DOES make me feel better.  Sigh...I think no matter how much weight I lose or what size I end up at, I will never see myself differently than I do right now. I don't know this for a fact, only time will tell.......

NOT A GOOD DAY!!

    I haven't been posting and I do try to do one every day but today I just feel drained. Ever wake up in a not great mood for no reason?  I have no reason to be on edge, had a great night last night and slept well, but woke up in a agitated mood. Normally I am very easy going and happy but on occasion I do get this way. I try to snap out of it quick but work today is just a lot of things that are not helping the cause. Oh Boo-Hoo stop whining Mary Lee - LOL
     I need to get my ass in gear and get to the gym tomorrow, problem is I can't wear my sports bra yet as it reaches the top of my new ink. So I have to let the girls do what they will when I go. LOL  I feel better when I go and it may be just the thing to get the aggression out.
     Been thinking a lot about my friends the past few days. They are all far away and I miss the hell out of them. I have been reading about the riots in London and one of my friends works there. He sent word that all is fine by him but I still worry. Can't help it. I worry that my husband drives the beltway every morning. I know that we can't bubble wrap our friends and family and I know there are those that worry when I drive to New York. Everyday is so precious, we tend to forget that. I strive to remember it and am trying to do one thing everyday to make me and those around me smile. Today so far I teased a co-worker during lunch, we all had a good laugh and that is so needed. I am under stimulated right now. I came off the new ink high and now I need another adventure.  This weekend I am doing some house cleaning and by that I mean throwing out lots of stuff or donating. I am getting in that mood I get into every Autumn. With the weather change I start to want to get my home ready for the cooler days to come. I like to switch out my comforters in the guest room to the fall theme and I do my windows and other things that just make me feel cozy in my home. That's the style I have, it's not modern, or traditional as it's a mix media but it is cozy. Lots of candles and warm colors.  I can't wait to be able to open my windows and let the outside in. It's still a little too warm and close outside for that right now but it's coming!!! Yay!
     I'm being so good and it's not easy I tell you. I love to cook and bake and that's another thing I do more of as the weather gets cooler. The loose clothes are better than any piece of cake and I know this I just need to remind myself. I can be a little stubborn and silly so i need to get stubborn on myself. The cakes and cookies and pastas are not gone, they are kind of the same way my friends are. Still there, just not near me. There will be fun times ahead I just need to be patient. Don't worry I'm not picturing my friends as weird people cakes...some with nuts and some without - hahahahaha  Okay I'll be good.  Until next time luvs......

Weekend Mini-Blog

     New ink is DONE!! Looks killer!! Took just over 4 hours and my artist did a great job. I showed her the drawing my friend Matt did for me and she really liked it!! This will be number 11 & 12 actually :-) I told her about my idea to mirror the image and told her she could do more cherry blossoms to bring the entire piece together. She kept the drawing which is fine since I can print out another and Matt is going to send me the original which I am framing and hanging up in my craft room next to the cross stitch fairy a lady from my old job made for me. These are treasures that have no price-tag. As for my newest tattoo, the lotus blossom, it stands for strength. The lotus will grow and bloom in the murkiest of waters. That's the strength I need to keep me on my fitness path. I can and WILL be strong.  Thing is yesterday, I was supposed to have a 5:30 appointment. I woke up late since I had not slept to find a message on facebook asking me if I could be there at 1:30. I jumped into the shower and left. No breakfast, coffee, nothing!! Now they tell you you should eat when you get ink because you can get dizzy or even ill (never has happened to me knock wood) and as I lay there I felt fine, when I got up I felt tired actually, fine but tired. I mean Stacy said of course you are your body was being attacked for over 4 hours but I know it was because I hadn't eaten anything. So when I left the shop to head home I stopped off at this fab BBQ place called Chubbys (cute I know) and got some pulled pork for dinner YUM! It was wrapped so well I couldn't sneak a bite to hold me over. It was now 6PM and I needed something but all there was was McDonalds or Burger Kings and the like. So instead I grabbed a root beer, yes it had sugar in it but I needed that little jump and I felt so much better after I drank it. So by having the sugar boost after the ink I got home and had the pork for dinner which is perfectly South Beach legal and NO CARBS still.(not counting the soda)  I swear I could have really eaten crap but no I stayed true to my course. I only pray I can do that 3 or 4 months from now. LOL

     It's a lazy Sunday here at home. Hubs is upstairs watching something on Sci-Fi channel and of course I'm here watching porn....LOL KIDDING!!! Did that earlier..whoops!!  wink wink  You never know with me - hahahaha.  Still working on trying to get back all my music and photos from my computer crash. SO that's my plan for today. Laundry must be done as well for the coming week. So like I said short blog today, no major revelations, or witty stories. Sorry guys, I'm sure I'll have some fun things in the days ahead. So peace out darlings.

Really?

It's 4AM, I can't sleep so I figured I'd come here and vent. Well as of yesterday I have been on South Beach Diet for a month. All in all I have done well. I have lost 23 pounds. Of course now, me being me I am greedy. Meaning I want to see great weight loss constantly. Well I got on the scale today and this week I lost a whopping 1/2 pound!! WTF!!  Half a pound, that's crazy. I've been eating my veggies, and not one carb has passed these lips. Needless to say I am a bit upset about this. The rational side of me knows this happens and then next week I may lose 3,4, 5 or even 6 pounds, but the only child part of my brain is stomping her little foot saying no no no!! I must be rewarded for my hard work, the pounds must melt off.  They don't though do they? Hell if they did, every time it rained I'd be outside with a sculpting tool.  It's just that, well, I want to do so many things and surprise so many people. I don't want to fail, I terrified of failing this. I play out scenarios in my head, things like showing up wearing fabulous clothes, beautiful jewelry, great hair & make-up, to places and parties, and everyone is amazed at how I look.  (Sounds more vain that I mean it to) I want someone to be proud of me, I want ME to be proud of me. Do you know in my entire life I can count on one hand how many times that has been said to me? I don't know, maybe it's the hour of the morning, maybe it's the position of the stars - I'm not usually this needy. Right now I just want to be that perfect size 16 that makes heads turn. 

     I think maybe I need to go back to bed and wake up hours from now and it will all be better. Today is going to be a great day, I get my new ink and price out my special piece for next time. So yea, a nice shower, good protein breakfast, and I will be good to go.  Peace out luvs this chick is going upstairs.

Ink, Ink, & more Ink

     I love ink, tattoos, tats, whatever you want to call them.  I have always wanted one and when I finally got one, the next one came very soon after.  Then the next and so on. I am getting my 10th tattoo this Saturday and I am psyched!!!! I had an appointment for the end of the month and they were able to get me in earlier.  Why tattoos you may ask? Well I just love the expression and the art of them. I have seen some amazing pieces and have seen crap.  The one thing I love about the ones I have is that they were drawn for me, they are original. I have one that is not and thats the kitty on my right boob. I call her my titty kitty LOL  Each piece that was drawn has meaning for me. To me that matters a lot. A tattoo is not something you decide "Hey I'm going to go into the first shop I see and get one", well maybe it is for some, but I feel it should be something planned. Look to see the artists around your area or within driving distance at least. Let me tell you a friend of mine just got his half sleeve done and the artist was so fantastic, beyond fantastic..his sleeve is just gorgeous!! That kind of artist is worth traveling for, if I had the cash to fly to England all the time I would have him do a piece for me. I already have my 11th ready to be done as well, and as I said my others were drawn for me and this number 11 was indeed also drawn for me BUT it was drawn for me by a good friend! That is super special and after the one I get Saturday (10) number 11 will be my last one for awhile I think. It's a perfect way to end -  a one of a kind - drawn just for me - by a dear friend.. a hat trick of tattoos if I may say so ;-)
     I get more compliments than distain from people who see my ink and I think the view of tattoos is changing. They are more mainstream now and tattoo shops are right on the main roads, not in some dark alleys where drunken sailors hang out. Although one or two drunken sailiors might be nice - LOL  I mean seriously those of us who have them are walking canvases for our artists to show their work. It is art!! Does it hurt? I hear that question all the time. Let's see a needle is being stuck into you over and over...it doesn't tickle thats for sure! It's a numbing effect and of course it varies on the persons pain tolerance. Mine really didn't hurt except for one part of the one on my left wrist that went over my artery and veins. That did hurt but even then it wasnt terrible. It's part of the experience and theres a small part of me that likes it!! The feel of the needle I like to call it. Hard to explain to anyone who has not gotten a tattoo or doesn't like it but well there it is.  hahahaha  
     It's erotic to a point as well this transfer of ink to the skin. You offer yourself to your artist and he transforms your body in a way thats personal and lets face it he's marking you as his (or hers) by their style of work. That's why I think you shouldn't just rush to have any old person do your ink. Get to know your artist and their work, they are always happy to show you what they have done. If you see someone with a great looking tattoo ask that person who did it. I promise they will always be happy to tell you who did it and where it was done.    
     Last time I got ink done I also got a cartiledge piercing done. I may just get another this weekend. I need to get some more silver earrings. I have been tempted on several occasions to get my nipples pierced as well but have said no as they would look like two towel holders. I have considered other parts as well, you know, down below...wink wink.....lol  I still may when I'm down to a size I want to be. Maybe I can put a pic of one in front of the treadmil to keep me going, but I thnk the ladies in the gym I go to will look at me weird. Either that or buy me drinks!  hahahaha 
  Oh my peeps I can go on and on about tattoos. Suffice to say I love them, I think they are sexy, and beautiful and expressive!!

The Game Of Life

     Remember I said at the start of this endeavor my blogs were going to be whatever I was feeling or my thoughts? Well this is a big one!!
     A friend of mine just sent me a link to his daughter's performance he went to recently. I was blown away, she was wonderful!!! My other friend had sent me similar ones of her daughter in a musical production. She was also wonderful and I felt a tug on my heart for these children. They are not mine but I am good friends with their parents so of course I am interested in them as well. As I watched the video this morning I found myself smiling ear to ear and being proud of this young lady, who although not my child, I wanted to tell her I was proud of her performance.  I know her parents did and from the applause I could tell the audience appreciated her as well. I've done many a show and it's not always easy getting up there in front of people. Major kudos to her. Okay, sorry, I am going off on a tangent here, but these children ARE SO GOOD!!! 
     My point is that I will never be a Mother. I wanted to be.  One day I thought I was pregnant and I took a test and it came out positive, YAY I was preggers. I wanted to be sure so I said nothing to my hubby as I never had a period with me it was a question mark most months. Well long story semi short, I miscarried, Pat thought I was just hemmoraging (spelt that wrong I know) I went to my doctor who took blood, did and internal exam and recomended a D&C. Had that done and afterwards finding out I was correct it was a misscarriage she also found cancer cells inside my uterus. Okay cancer, my mom had cancer too, little unnerving to say the least. The oncologist said he would give me medication should I want to try to have a child. After talking it over with my hubs we made the choice to have a hysterectomy, so NO children for me. I remember the night the choice was made, I made sure my husband was asleep and I went to the basement and cried my eyes out. It was one thing I had always wanted and it was taken away from me.
     Fast forward to today and after so many what if's I am happy with my life. I have my niece and nephew and of course the children of my dear friends. I know I go overboard sometimes and I don't mean too but they are children. Those of you who have young ones, embrace them, love them and thank your lucky stars you were blessed with them although I'm sure at times it doesn't seem that way LOL 
     So there - it was on my mind and I promise next blog won't be so maudlin ;-) (OR BORING!! PLEASE COME BACK LOL)
     Peace out lovlies...

It's A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

     Happy Tied Up Tuesday All or Twofer Tuesday which ever you prefer. I know my preference hehehe. That's a VERY different blog. Today has been a good day workwise but Im not feeling the new eating changes today. I'm a bit out of sorts and with tummy grumbles I dont feel like eating.  Great you would think but not really. You need to eat to lose weight. Oh heck I dont care Im not eating anymore tonight, so there!! LOL
     You know I originally was going to call the blog "My Big Fat Irish/Italian Ass" but in thinking about it - that's not the biggest part of me, it's the front. I swear I look 20 months pregnant with triplets!! I go to the gym and do the treadmil and bike. The other day one of the amazons there said try this machine. Well you lay on your back and do a kind of sit up. Well after the first one I thought I was going to die. Ever see a turtle on it's back...got that visual? Okay now insert my face on the turtles and that is prety much what I looked like. Now the rest of the machines modeled after tortures from The Inquisition I'm certain were more of the same. One I could not do because my legs were too short and no adjusting was helping. I got on one where you sit up and put your legs on these boards then you hold on behind your butt to handles on the seat edge and you push your legs together. The force is strong and you are supposed to use your muscles to bring your legs together. Now on the return you need to let your legs open slowly. Well my friends the force my legs flew open wide was quite impressive and I found myslef sitting in practically a split.I didn't think my legs could be apart that far ever!! I kind of felt dirty LOL, and thanked myself for joining a woman only gym. This machine HAD to have been invented by a man.  I think for the time being I am going to stay with my treadmill and bike. It kind of felt the way I imagine a turkey would feel if it were able too when people remove the drumstick. OUCH!!
     It's quiting time here as it's 8PM and I'm waiting for one person to get off the phone and then it's pick up Pat some dinner as I havent prepared anything, which I feel bad about but he likes Chik-Fil-A salads. I will cook tomorrow in the morning before I go to work so he will have the option of eating early or waiting for me, which is what he usually does.  I just got a new cookbook for gluten free recipies for him and there is a stuffed pepper one I am dying to try. If it's yummers I will post it.
    Well I'm off to annoy myself by trying to get a decent bejeweled score. There was only 13 hours left last night so I think the leaderboards have cleared. I get so competitive sometimes LOL Such is me...that crazy kid from Queens..LOL   peace out darlings..

    

Summer Rain and Other Things

     Well hello again. Another red letter day, two blogs for me LOL  I just had to mark this down. As you know I gave a lecture in my last blog about the holiday today and well Mother Nature welcomed it with one hell of a storm. The sky became that awesome blue gray color and then lightning struck, It was so awesome to see. The rain came down in buckets and some places made mention of hail as well.   Well I had errands to run after the dentist (oh another story - 2 bridges needed!!) and it had stopped raining. So into Whole Foods I go and on my way home the sun was shining. Then all of a sudden it was raining...A SUN SHOWER!! It was really coming down. What I did next you will say to yourself "Mary Lee YOU are a total nutter!!"  I laughed and opened my window and then ladies and gents I stuck my arm out of the window so I could feel the rain. It was electrifying and cool on my skin at the same time. I twisted my hand around in the air then cupped my palm to catch the rain, raising my arm to let the water flow down. The people in the car behind me must have thought I was nuts. But I felt like a little kid. I brought my arm down and brought my wet fingers up to my lips and just pressed the wet drops against them. I felt like I had just been blessed!! Plus I love the summer rain and often have walked in it. Especially when the sun is out at the same time.  Just when I thought it couldn't get better...a lightning strike!! Yea I couldn't believe it, sun & lightning!! Oh much energy tonight my dears - MUCH ENERGY!!! I have been feeling it all evening. Then when I get home Pat has built me a new desk computer. I messed up my other one and he put this together and it has even more power than my old one!! Was a nice surprise. I was figuring it was my laptop and me from now on oh and my netbook. LOL  Not so as I sit at my desk and type out this blog. 

     Happy tonight, I feel peaceful and it's a nice feeling. Think I will make a nice cup of tea and read for awhile. Random interjection, but I am LOVING my steering wheel and it's ability to turn back on it's own now, even after a long day. I can do this I know I can. At this moment I know I can, I may not always feel so strongly but I am ready. I am wearing my armor and the warrior feels strong.......

Happy Lughnasadh! (Or Lammas if Prefered)

     Yes today is the first of the the 3 harvest festivals. Pronounced (Loo-nah-sah), if you go with the celtic ways or also called Lammas. The element "nasadh" relates to the Gaelic, "to give in marriage," and so would mean the "Marriage of Lug," rather than Lugh's Mass, which is a common interpretation. There is also some debate as to who the bride is, if there is one. Some authorities favor Tailltiu (Lugh's foster mother) and others favor Eriu, i.e., Ireland, herself. One clue to the identity of this particular bride may be that "handfastings" (marriage for a year and a day) are still called "Taillten Marriage", and many are performed at Lammas Fairs.
     The Lammas festival was adopted by the Christian Church in 1843, and today, in England, people decorate churches with sheaves and corn dollies, celebrating the old Pagan holiday, as they sing "Bringing in the Sheaves" and make offerings of corn to the Church. In some areas, Lammas was a time of sacrifice. Sacrifices at Lammas were made to thank the Deities for the First Fruits and to guarantee an abundant Harvest. The victim was often the king, who was God Incarnate to his people. Sometimes a substitute king, a fool or "scapegoat", was sacrificed in the king's stead.
     For myself, I always do a small ritual with bread and wine since I know several "Queens" but no Kings to sacrifice this is how I give thanks for the harvest and in hopes that the larder never run dry. It will be interesting since South Beach is few carbs but I am on Phase 2 so whole grains will work well tonight. I have some wine in the fridge (Its white so thats okay LOL) that will be there as well . hehehe
     So back into the swing of things today and had a good breakfast and a huge salad with grilled chicken for lunch. Despit the bites of dessert this weekend the scale was nice to me and said another 2 pounds gone. So thats a total of 22 pounds. The 5th of August wil be one month on this new eating regime as I like to call it. I am still not missing the bread at all, now I will say that the sliver of cheescake I had was simply divine. First let me say I adore a rich creamy rice pudding for dessert its a first choice (all puddings and custards really) and then cheescake is second. This was so good it would give the pudding a run for first place. It was perfct I now had some real sweet treat and I am serious enoigh to know that today just be really good about what i eat and keep going. It was not a setback, I mean how can that be a setback when this is your life. I chose to have it but I also choose NOT to have it every day not do I choose to have a serving that would feed a small village in Somalia somewhere ( I have no idea how big those villages are - it was just to make the point) 
     So getting back to my original post, Happy Lughnasadh/Lammas to you and yours, may you alwasy have plenty in your larders and may you have sun to warm you always.  Ciao for now peeps!