Why Does The Bucket List Get Longer and The Years Get Shorter?...

   (warning - not the happiest blog but I'm fine and happy - really I am) 

...Seems so unfair to me. There is so much I want to, and occasionally I get scared that I will not be able to do all of them. Hell I can't even find a job (I know my friend, November LOL) But I am going to England first and foremost. This is NOT an option. I would love to travel all over the world if I could. Losing weight, so next year I want to go to Long Island and do the Sky Dive. That is going to be fun!!
     I don't know, today I have had a veil over me all day. I haven't felt well all day, but more than that, I feel a bit dis-jointed. I'm not saying that to get sympathy or "don't worry it will get better" I just feel that way. I feel like my relationships are not meshing they way they should. I just have had no real contact with about 4 people I usually do and like always it gets me off kilter. I know there is no reason other than life in general. They are busy, but one I am supposed to be visiting soon and I need to make plans. I need to stop being so in your face and more laid back as I once was. I am back here in VA and once again feeling the loneliness. I had a great time in NY, I have spoken to friends since then, but I already miss being able to just make a call and have them with me. That's the thing, not being able to just go do something. I enjoy being able to veg at home but also to go out. That doesn't happen here. It's no ones problem, especially all of you my friends, you who I care about, but I just miss you even more. I have been productive today though, as I applied to get a loan for something that I'm not going to say just yet  LOL   I know I'm such a tease.... Hopefully it works well, then I'll have no time for anything!! :-D
     I scrubbed the tub tonight, and I am thinking even now, at almost 11PM, to take a nice bubble bath. It's kind of like when I clean the cat's liter box. As soon as I do, and it's all nice and clean, she uses it right away. Kind of how I feel when scrub the tub BWAHAHAHAHA I think I will forgo the bath tonight though as still feel kind of yucky!  Like I said I feel fine and actually had a laughing fit about half hour ago. SO don't worry, no one needs to cheer me up or will hear me all forlorn on the phone should we speak. I will be my same adorable, wonderful, quirky self. hehe Until tomorrow peeps (no headache please) Ciao For Now

Ever See The Movie Where Michael Douglas Goes Off

     It's kind of like that! Today was all about frustrations. I swear I know I can best the shite out of a dead horse but damn tonight a bunch if people were talking and these two people were just hashing the same thing over and over. It was ridiculous. I finally said they are acting line little kids, stomping their feet and seeing who yells loudest. No one expected me to be the voice of reason. Lol surprised their asses. 😄
     Remember I said I haven't heard back from anyone I've applied to. That it was terrible not hearing anything? Well I heard back from 2 today and they were rejections. Now I'm not sure which is better, hearing or not. Lol I'm just tired of always reaching out and getting nothing back. I'm tenacious but I'm sensitive also. I have friends going through some deep stuff and my heart breaks for them, I have friends I just saw and miss already, I have friends I haven't seen in ages and I long to see them. I have a million feelings inside me. I tried to write done poetry tonight but it sounded so, morbid maybe, or just wanting I'd more like it. I long for do many things. I have some things I am looking into that I will tell when it looks like it may happen but in the meantime I have days filled with no more than housecleaning and dreams. Life will change again, that's the beauty of it. I wonder what tomorrow will bring. Hope it's good. Hope it's cooler weather, but that is not the case. It's hot & it seems to be that way everywhere.
     Not much tonight peeps, so I take my leave. As always. Ciao For Now

New York New York A Hell of A Town

    Well I didn't make it into Manhattan this trip, hopefully in September. BUT I had a fantastic time this visit. I leave to go back to VA in the morning, and as always it's with a heavy heart. I love my hubby and want to go back to him, but the part of my heart that IS New York will have to sleep for a while until my next trip.  I was able to do some shopping (yay) and bought a few lovely things. I saw good friends and had a weekend full of new memories. 
     First was the dive bar we hit on Thursday. I was afraid that the weather was going to rain us out, but it treated us kind. As I said in the last blog we had a blast. I am waiting for my friend to get me the video we took of the band.  HINT HINT lmao They were cool!!   Yesterday (Saturday) was a long day. Left early to go to Long Island for a surprise birthday party. It was a blast. They had a cowboy theme going and everything was country (not MY favorite at all but hey, not my party right?) They did an amazing job, from cowboy hats, bandanas, to country decorations and even the can cozys (the neoprene covers to keep them cold) were shaped like cowboy boots.  The home was outstanding. It was so large with a massive pool, and yard. It came complete with a bacci ball court and fire pit. The pool was heated, and I sat there with my pants rolled up dangling my legs over the side. If there were adults in the pool I would have put on a swimsuit and gone in.  Alas it was just the youngins, so suffice to say I sat watch as the water splashed up at me and cooled me off, UNTIL!! They started racing and then I felt this wave wash up and my pants were soaked LOL But damn if it didnt feel real good on my bottom. Soon I was wet halfway up. I could have cared less. This was to be expected. Plus it was so hot out that I dried out in no time. Good people and good food. OMG speaking of food. The birthday cake!! Was a work of art. It was too awesome to eat. Since our birthday boy likes, country music, a good cigar and a cold beer, the cake was made to reflect this. The daughter of the homeowner decorates cakes as a hobby. HOBBY!? She did a job better than many bakeries I have seen. Check this out!!

Isn't that wonderful? It was one layer of chocolate cake, of one vanilla, then the cigar, bottle, cowboy boots and hat were made from rice crispy treats and covered with the fondant. Just amazing, hobby? This could be a career!
     I didn't eat too much, and I even was very honest on writing down my food. I came in under my calories this day. I had no lunch, so that helped, and I even had a small slice of that amazing cake. 
Today I went to dinner with good friends and we went with Italian seafood. This place is very very good. I had an amber ale, then shrimp with cavatelli pasta in a sauce. I ate maybe 1/3 of my meal. Brought the rest home for dad. No way I could finish it. Even half would have been too much.   We had cappuccinos and dessert. I had a lava cake. Ate half but unfortunately I was over my calories tonight by 67 calories. NOT terrible.  Still under 1400 for the day. I am looking forward to getting back to the gym when I get home.  WAIT! WHO said that? LOL  I will say that tonight on the way home, my food wasn't agreeing with me too well, I felt a little sick to my stomach. It passed. but I'm taking that as a small reminder to myself that the food tonight, although delicious, was a bit too heavy for me. I am both dismayed, and delighted by this.  Dismayed because I love Italian food, things like chicken Parmesan, or lasagne. Tonight's sauce was in line with say, a vodka sauce. But it seems like my body, which is not used to this anymore is telling me easy does it sister. We will revolt if you eat too much. I am glad my eating habits are changing, and it seems to be a natural occurrence, but flip it again, as I love food, I love to eat it, cook it and most of all share it! I love to watch people eat and enjoy it, especially if I made it LOL Similar occurrences with fried foods and sugar wrecks havoc with digestive system if you get my drift! HEHEHE I know it will settle down and even out again in time. It keeps me honest which is good for me right now. I also am happy with the smaller size I am wearing. I am doing this so I can get off high blood pressure medicine, not for my looks. I want to get fit. It's like this, I am Fat!! I'm okay with that, I am not ugly, or a freak. I am a human being and a nice, kind, pretty, and freakin' hilarious one at that!! If you don't want to look at me, don't. Or want to shy away from me, go ahead, that's your business. AND your loss! I'd be lying if I said it never bothers me, but 97% of the time I am cool with it.  I have also realized that pizza does not bother me, so I have come to the conclusion that Pizza is a food of the Gods!! bwahahahaha (Knew it!!!!!)
     Well I look around my room as I type this last NY blog (for now) and my case is packed, the clothes I'm wearing tomorrow are on laid out on my chair. I just need to shower in the morning, feed Dad breakfast and get out on the road, hopefully by 10AM.  Will stop on the way home to get food for dinner, cooking something easy. I will have a weeks worth of laundry plus I need to see what surprises I will find at my home. Dishes in the sink, towels on the floor, stuff like that. Then sink into a hot bath and then bed. Hoping that someone calls me in to interview SOON, as I have heard nothing from anyone. Not even to say thanks, but no thanks. Sigh......   Ah well, we go on forward, ever persevering :-D
     It's been a really nice trip this time, I look forward to more. I want to see more friends, get in the city, go to dinner or whatever. I will be back soon New York, you can count on that!!!
Well it's Bedtime For Baggins, until next we meet, I say Ciao For Now

The Best Laid Plans

          Oftentimes you plan an evening, and you don't get to do exactly what you had planned, BUT what you did end up doing turned out even better!! That was tonight. Oh we went to the same area. It's called the Nautical Mile in Freeport Long island. It's a strip comprising of about 6 blocks, two sides of the road, and lots of restaurants and bars. We were going to go to one called Rachels, very nice, a bit more upscale in setting, (and prices), no outdoor seating but a huge open room with glass walls to see out to the water. We got there, and since it was a weeknight we did not make reservations, and we were told about a 45 minute wait. My friend and I looked at each other and decided no. So out we go and decided to go into a place called Otto's. Like every restaurant on this strip they were hit hard by Hurricane Sandy. Some buildings were totally demolished but human beings are resilient and they all rebuilt. Otto's though was only partly done. The inside was not finished, we looked around it and it will be really nice once it's done but the outside bar area was in full swing. Big bar in front, facing the street, with a band area as well. Outdoor seating on the back deck called us in. We got a table right next to the water and were greeted by a friendly fellow who we found out was named Chris. Chris was very sweet, he knew how to compliment and flirt just enough to make you feel like a friend. I like that in a wait staff. We ordered our cocktails and viewed the menu for eats. If I had to classify Otto's, the word dive comes to mind. It's a calculated dive though. meaning it's meant to be casual, and enjoyable and comfortable. The seats were roomy, the tables had space between them and the atmosphere was beachy, like so many of the places here. Why not it's right on the water!  We sat and chatted when an announcement came over that they were now serving Mount Gay rum. It was a new thing for them so they were going around giving out free drinks. Not little samples either, these were proper rocks glasses of this golden goodness. Never one to pass up rum, we both took a freebie. Soon after our drinks arrived, so it was two fisted drinking to start the night. RIGHT ON!! The fare was limited to only about 12 items for a main course, not sure if this was because the place was still under renovation or just that way. I opted for the fish and chips. I was pleasantly surprised. It was a large piece of fish, cod I believe, and it was lightly battered, not heavy or greasy at all. These were not proper chips, not the steak fries that would normally be part of this, but they were crispy and again, not greasy at all. I ate about half only. Then while we were eating the music started. The bass player started a riff for a few minutes, funky and fine, then the sax came in, then the drums and guitar. They were really good. Bluesy, R&B and Funk was the theme. Think Tower of Power meets Al Green and George Benson. It just added to what was becoming an ideal night. Even the weather was good. It was hot, but not as humid as the night before, and the breeze off the water had that salty sea air smell that I just love! I wasn't taking chances though, I wore very little make up and no eye make up. Hey it's a beach area, I wasn't the only one. I will admit without my hair straightener, my hair was starting to look a little Diana Ross with a natural. LOL It was fun.  Then we ended to night going to a place that is known for its gelato. Yes I indulged, and it was worth every calorie!! I had planned for this and ate light the entire day so I was only over my calories by about 300. The day before it was so hot I barely ate and was under by 400 calories so I call that a draw LOL   I am in my room now, looking through pics we took and deciding what to post. Tomorrow though, too tired right now. Want to sleep, as tomorrow is another shopping day. I had no luck the other day, but my friend told me the store I want to go to tomorrow, has lots of capris, which is what I'm looking for. So it's Bedtime For Baggins. As always Ciao For Now

It's Bloody Humid!!!

     Okay so my second day in NY was decently productive. I drive out to the Island, unfortunately did not find the capris I was looking for, but there are other stores. Lol I did get some wine for Saturday. I got my dad (skinny ass that he is ) the pastries he likes from a bakery out that way also. Since he doesn't drive he is limited to the neighborhood. If course when he goes to Manhattan he has multiple choices. So I left him in the living room ( or lounge as some of you call it) and I headed up to my bedroom. Blessed air condition, you make me a much nicer person. 😄The heat is not bad, it's only 79 degrees F same as earlier. It was nicer then, as there was a nice breeze - But now the humidity is at 91%. Yuck, yuck and YUCK!!! I've already downed one liter of water since I got home an hour ago and am working on the second one now. I was concerned about eating too many calories on this visit but in truth, I have been way under both days so far. The summer is the best time for me to diet as I don't even want to eat much. When I do, I want fruit, iced tea no sugar, yogurt. Things like that, lighter fare. So I bought some fat free Greek yogurt and blueberries, raspberries, watermelon, and peaches. Oh and raw honey to sweeten the yogurt. I know you are all on the edge of your seats right now! "Oh she bought RAW honey" I know, I'm thrilling bwahahaha
     I did have a nice visit with my neighbors here, love going over there. They have the cutest yorkie terrier, and poor baby was so hot. He went downstairs to rest on the cool tile. I mentioned to them that my friend got his dig a paddle pool and they thought that was a great idea. They are going to get one for Spike. Hard plastic though, as I also mentioned my friends dog ripped his. Hehe
     I am supposed to go out tomorrow night to the beach and its supposed to rain all day. Boo hiss. So no beach. Friday looks promising though 😄 I am enjoying NY. I ALWAYS do. It's home. Hopefully will be up end if August/ early September. Always a joy and always fun.   Well I am now waterlogged, having drunk a liter and a half of water in under 2 hours. I foresee a 3am bathroom run. So I am saying Ciao For Now

This Used To Be My Playground

     This is the song I hear whenever I come back home. It says to forget your past and then realizes that's not about to happen. How can it. How can you forget your past. It has what made you who you are today, and is what you pull your strength from for your tomorrows. I just read a post online in a group I am in about my hometown. Its from a woman (older than me I am assuming) who posted a letter that her mother wrote. It talks about the area when it was all farms and not many homes. How little by little, horse drawn carriages were replaced by trolleys, then buses and trains. It was very easy to picture the images in my head. I have lived here since 1962. Of course, I don't remember the early years that well, but from about 4 and up I have vivid memories. I truly enjoyed my childhood. Oh not that there wasn't grief, of course there was, but I never really got into any big trouble. I loved my parents and they loved me. Still do. My Dad seems to forget that I am a grown woman as he tucks the hundred dollar bill into my hand when I leave to go back home. "Just some pocket money" he always says. To refuse him would be an insult so when I am here I make sure i clean, and fill his refrigerator with food. I spend more than that 100 dollars but it doesn't matter at all. The same way he feels good doing that is how I feel about making sure he's okay. I like hearing him tell me "Mary Lee, you gave me too much", and I look down and his plate is empty. Too much? I'd say perfect amount. It's the same game every time. We know our places well. Many of mine are the same ones my Mom had, the feeding, the cooking. I cook under pretense of cooking to bring home to my hubby, then make enough for a small army.  Well used to I should say. I don't cook that much anymore since his new neighbors came a few years back. They cook for him, like an adopted dad. I am glad to be in NY and will be hear until next Monday. 
     I want to explore tomorrow as well as grocery shop. I may take a ride out to Long Island and see if I can find some clothes. I want to get some capri slacks for this party on Saturday and perhaps an nice pair of sandals too. We have the same stores that they have here, for us bigger gals I mean, but sometimes I find different things in the ones here. Demographics I guess. One thing I really need is new jeans. I have one pair that fits and that is getting loose on me. The others are ridiculous and hang off me. I want to get maybe another 2 for now. So many plans and it will be great if I get one of them done hehehe
   I just found that NY has opened their first Ice Bar. I may have to check that out. I have plans Thursday night and the weekend but Friday is free.  Ice Bar anyone??? LOL  They give you gloves and parkas. Sounds like my kind of place :-) 
    I brought my camera too this trip. I want to take pics of my old stomping grounds so you all can see what it looks like. God I love looking at pictures. I love seeing peoples expressions and try to imagine how they are feeling. I dont need to know them either, yea I know, weird! ;-) 
    Well peeps, I had a little libation, a glass of wine, so I am feeling quite cozy and comfy in my air conditioned little corner of the world. Face timed with hubby and spoke to my friend, watched some TV with Dad so its been a quiet but good night. So until next time I am saying Ciao For Now

Sorry No Blog Today

     I am getting ready to head to NY last night I was packing my case and taking a bath so I can just get up and go. Lol. I will post one later tonight.  Ciao for now peeps

Only I Would Vacation When It's Raining

     Well not a vacation really, more of a gut feeling visit. Okay let me explain. My dad is pretty good shape wise, he eats well, and still goes to the gym wice a week. Now that being what it is, he still is 86! I can see he is winding down, and I can't explain it, but I got this heartbreaking pang over the weekend, I had a weird kind of anxiety attack and just felt that I need to see him. It was one of those deep in the gut feelings, and I know it's silly and means nothing, but to me, I have to go. So I am leaving on Tuesday an will be returning the following Tuesday. I am going to a party on Saturday there that I wasn't going to originally, so that's nice. It's going to be hot, he has no air condition, I will be in my room a lot, I have air condition in there. Lol  so I am making plans while I'm there. I will be going to the beach, most days show a predicted 30 to 50% chance of rain. It's the same here really so no biggie. But I will see the ocean, I need to feel the sand, and smell the sea air. Ironic since I can't swim, but I love the water.  So yes, I will be blogging from the Big Apple next week. Think I will mosy into Manattan too. Maybe. Lol
     We are taking a proper vaca in August. My friend confirmed it yesterday, so we are leaving on August 15 coming back home August 22nd I think. It will be great to see them. Just a chill vaca, they have a pool to relax in, we will to to dinner, and of course seeing them, I couldn't care if we do nothing. I just want to see them.
     I bought a tankini bathing suit, I aren't worn a suit in a long time, but I think this will look good. I ordered online, but I was able to order as separates so it should fit well, everywhere. Hehe.
     I had nice chat again with my friend and she took her dog to get sheared for the summer. She is a golden retriever and just so adorable. Not my friend, the dog. Hahaha. Speaking of dogs, my other friend bought a paddling pool for his. This doggie, is a Welsh Terrier. He is such a cutie pie. I have a feeling we will ave a dog within a year. Hopefully.
     Tonight is a slow one. Spent most of the day cleaning my car. I went to the gym early, then came home, washed and vacuumed my little pony. 😀So of course tonight we had a huge thunderstorm! C'est La Vie
      So I'm taking these bones into a nice warm bath, with some nice smelly girls bath stuff and then it's bed for this round chick. So I say, as always, ciao for now.
     

Waiting For The Fireworks

     As we draw near the end of the 4th of July, I am hearing varying sounds out side the house. Normally I would be on the deck, but tonight we opted to stay in as it's 85 degrees at 9PM, and quite humid. So I am here on the computer, while I hear the bursts of firecrackers, bottle rockets, cherry bombs, and M-80's going off. The M-80's and cherry bombs are the big ones, and LOUD ones. An 1/8th and a 1/4 stick of dynamite will make you jump and can cause some goodly damage. Growing up the guys I knew would use these to blow up trash cans in the neighborhood. Us girls were supposed to be impressed, but most of us thought they were jerks and went to go watch the family that had all cool sky rockets going off. Then it was off to the park with wine coolers and sparklers to make out with the chosen guy of choice or boyfriend of course. I remember one time my boyfriend Mike and I were in his GTO having a very cool make out session and his friends threw a cherry bomb at the back of his car. I jumped and hit my head on the door handle. I was a tad annoyed. He yelled at them but of course ended up laughing with them. Whats a gal to do? LOL   But as for tonight, I have a nice glass of ice cold water, as I drank too many calories last night, and waiting for the fireworks from MACY's. I know that they have them in DC as well, but I am a New York gal, and for me MACY'S fireworks are the ones I watch. 
     So I am sitting here thinking how fortunate I am. I have been shown great kindness recently and I always wonder why. Lol how odd since I like to do things and buy things for people (although cash flow is not optimum at the moment for what I would love to do) yet when done for me I still feel unworthy.  I remember one time I was at a restaurant in Manhattan with a friend. It was an upper scale business ( for me that includes most places that don't use plastic cutlery lol), but this one was legit. I had finished my first course and wasn't sure if I should keep my fork. I asked, and was met with an amused response of they will bring you a new one. Just one example of a kindness to me that I love, yet have trouble believing I did anything to deserve it. I know I know, people are just doing the same as I like to do. I understand that, yet to this day I have a harder time being the recipient, than the giver. I'm not a slacker to finer things. I know which fork to use, and also which side to serve from. I see so many things I want to get for people and just can't right now. It breaks my heart too. These are good people and my friends. They should have all good things.  
     I realized something, and I did mention this to someone the other day.  It's not that I begrudge anyone anything, but lots of times it's because it's not me something is happening to.  I do get jealous. I can't control situations, but I so want to be in them. Lol. It's the only child thing again. I feel like I missed out on something really special, not having any siblings. I don't want to miss out on anything, especially if it involves people I care about. My closest of friends. It's not a vicious jealousy, if that makes any sense. 
     Here it is almost 1am and again, I am not tired. My sleeping patterns are so far gone. At this point I'm tempted to just stay awake and go to the gym at 5:30 when they open. I like that time actually. No one there and I can stay on the machines as long as I want. Get in a good work out and be back home by 8. It's funny, this weight thing. If you read yesterday's blog you will see where I wrote I ate quite a lot of calories yesterday. So out of morbid curiosity, I weighed in this morning. Low and behold, I LOST a pound and a half! How? It baffles me. So I recorded it and today I am happy to report I came in under my calories. Drank lots of water also. Need to go get more fruit tomorrow. I love berries, all kinds and have been putting them in my yogurt for breakfast. Or even lunch sometimes. I'm getting used to making better choices, trust me though, I will devour a creme brûlée or an eclair in a heartbeat. I'm just choosing not to. Not right now anyway. I'm back on track so to speak. Yay Happy Birthday America, I injested too many high calorie carbs to celebrate you, but now the party is over. Back to business as usual. Speaking of that, I applied to 7 p,aces so far tis week. Anyone want to take bets on how many get back to me, even jut to reject me? We shall see. So until next time my peeps, I am saying as always, Ciao For Now

Happy Birthday America

     Almost an hour into the 4th and I have already heard firecrackers going off. Lol  Seems Mother Nature will smile on us with some sun, instead of rain as originally thought for the festivities that will dot the land all over the US today. My in-laws just got back from vaca so I'm going to call and see what they are up to. We have no definite plans sans one. Get rid of the skunk smell under and around our deck. Hubs had seen a pale skunk one early morning a few months back and we thought it was gone, as I never even saw it and he hadn't seen it again. Well this afternoon I came home and opened my car door, and OMG!!! I was greeted with this sour odor of SKUNK! Cough cough yak yak. Horrid smell, so I tell hubs and he went tonight to get a sprayer to use to spray the area with de-skulking stuff. I hope it works. So there is today's later highlight. Lol
     It's about 1am and I was so naughty - I drank too much vodka. It was whipped cream vodka mixed with diet root beer. Tasted like a root beer float. Root Beer is my favorite soda drink, close followed by Birch Beer. Similar taste actually. But I only drink diet at the moment. Truthfully I rarely drink soda at all anymore. Tea, coffee, water or iced tea are my choices as I'm going to the gym a lot. I mentioned to a friend that I had stopped for coffee on the way and he told me water or green tea would be better. Water of course we know but I wasn't aware of the green tea. I found an interesting one at Starbucks, it's. green tea with ginger. It's good, and can drink it without any sweetening at all. I want to branch out but not sure which to get. I know they make it with all sorts of flavors, like lemon, pomegranate, etc., but what brand is a good one? I guess I may buy a few and experiment. Getting back to what I was saying, 😀 I'm quite drunk right now. I have had way too many calories today and was over my limit with the booze. My gym is closed today for the holiday but Friday I'm going to really give it my all.  Even hubs said my extra chin is going away. He doesn't notice stuff like that usually so it was nice to hear.  He's scratching right now, I can hear him in the dark. It's frustrating, and I know he's beyond frustrated too. See though, if it were me, I'd be at every doctor I could find, he's tired of them, he said 8 was enough. I'm like what if that 9th one is THE one. But you can't force someone.
     I feel good though, about me. I got a haircut and check this out. My hairdresser bought me an owl cuff bracelet. I had put it on Facebook because it was just so cool looking and she bought it. Just because. WOW, I was gobsmacked. I want to get her a little something as her birthday is coming up.
I bought red lipstick!!! How do you like them apples! I never wear red lipstick, but I'm going to try it. Going to have a play day soon and get myself all purdy. Hehe.
    I just came by to say hi, I'm happy, my friends are wonderful, my hubs is a love, albeit a scratchy one, and I like being naughty. Lol oops wait she can't end there! Okay fine....I have a sundress I bought the other week. I was having a big fuck it I'm fat day, and didn't care that my upper arms were bare. So I wore this the other night to get a cold drink at Starbucks. Had the top down and it was about 8 at night, sun was out still but I tell you. I loved the feel of the air on my skin. The skirt part was on my knees so my legs were bare and I was wearing flip flops. I loved it. I've been naked outside and I love that too. If it wasn't for the fact that I sunburn so quick and mosquitoes love me, I'd be naked in my yard as much as I could be. We have fence, don't fret now. Lol I love being naked, always have and this was as close to it as I been outside in awhile. Going to do it again, because I caught my reflection in the glass door of my house and the reflection looking back at me, wasn't bad at all!!!
      So there ya go, hahaha.   So until next time peeps, ciao for now

Why Bother Blogging?

      I have been asked this question by several folks, and it is a valid question. Why do people blog? Why are we so interested in sharing information to others who we don't even know? What do you blog about, what kind of blog do you have? All of these are again, good questions. I can only answer for me, so I would have to say that, for me blogging is a type of therapy.  My situation is not so different from many others that I would fool myself into thinking people rush to read of my next adventure. Trust me, my life is not that exciting!! LOL Matter of fact I know that many people who read me every day have slowed down or even stopped due to their own personal time constraints. I am not upset, & I fully understand. I'll admit, I like that friends read what I write, but in reality, I am a very basic, ordinary, teetering on dull, kind of gal. I know that not every blog is a great one, or even interesting. I just get upset that when I write something I think is rather good, I don't want anyone to have gotten so bored with my small banal little blurbs that they miss the really meaty blogs. There have been a few as of late, and now they will be missed by many, LOL!! Oh don't shed a tear, I haven't. I don't mean that in a mean or cruel way either, far from it. People have lives, and I know damn well that I will not be part of everyone's day to day living. No matter how much I hound, and pry and beg...LMAO ;-D
     According to my Facebook, I'm a fucking hoot and a half! I post fun pics, leave witty little status updates, but as much as it IS me, it's just a way of filling the loneliness I actually feel sometimes. Oh I am not taking away from anyone or anything on there. I like all the people on my page which is why I don't have friends in the excess of 500 and up. I enjoy the back and forth, I am in a few groups and one is from the town I grew up in, my Dad still lives there. I like catching up with the people I went to school with, relive the memories that made it a great time. Finding out all these years later that I was not the only person who viewed a situation, or teacher, or music or anything else, the same as I did. I am also speaking to those who I knew by name (smaller town in a big city), but not in person. I am also finding out that people are so very kind. A man I knew from all the way back in grade school, contacted me several times about jobs he has seen that I may be interested in. A woman I went to high school with (very sweet woman but wasn't in my "close group") who I have come to know better on FB posted some images to my page because they made her think of me!! I can not tell you how very touched that makes me. Maybe it's because we are all older and not caught in teenage competition, that I can connect with these folks now. We have had our life lessons, we have experienced what our parents were preparing us for. LIFE HAPPENED!! It really doesn't matter anymore who the most popular is, or if that one got fat, lost weight, lost hair, got divorced. We all experienced things that made us realize, hopefully, that people are people no matter the difference in looks, that change happens all the time. Real issues took over, jobs, mortgages, you know, being a grown up! (SHUDDER) 
     Getting back to the question at hand. I blog now to write about what I see and how I feel, I try to blog every day, but in the last few months I have been slacking off.  Not because I don't feel like writing, but because my life has gone into a kind of stasis where every day seems the same. A boring Groundhog's day. With bursts of fun thrown in. Huzzah, those bursts give me the urge to blog. Like I mentioned, blogging is also a therapy for me. look I started this when I really started to try and live a healthy lifestyle. I was doing really good, then I got lazy again. ACK, I did stop myself before I went too badly in the backpedal, but I now have been back on track since January and have lost a solid 34 pounds since the new year. Whoot whoot right? No, I feel bad. The thing is with what I lost prior and now this I am down my original loss of 54 plus 6 more. I know that's great and it is, I am not belittling the loss. I just have so much more to go!!! BUT, I finally really can see a difference in how I look, and I am happy. So as I look to more of the same, meaning going to the gym and eating healthy, I will be blogging, sometimes more than others but I am not promising everyday. I hope that you will join me, and comment and enjoy. Also ask me stuff. I am one opinionated passionate woman. I also am a great devil's advocate. I can see both sides of most things. Which is why you never ask me "What you want to do?" I just want to do something, anything. I just want to do! LOL    So come visit every now and again. Thank you so much for reading and helping me as well. Oh yes you do! So as always Ciao For Now.

Fat and Fab

     Only one letter changes that word, interesting huh? No? Well, fuck, and here I thought I was being profound. LOL
     Lifes been, knock wood, quite decent. Other than not finding a job yet, I'm basically happy. Would like a bit more private time to do things on my own, but where there is a will there is a way! I have to say I have heard from more than one person that my blog the other day about being more noble had people telling me that I inspired them. WOW, that's so cool to hear. I know those who inspired me and I am so happy they feel this way. We are here to help each other in this life. I try to anyway. 
     I just feel happy, why? Cant answer it, I have great friends and feel something positive is going to happen. I can't wait to see what it is.
      Okay I just want to say hi and to tell you I will be back with a real blog, but there are a few good ones back a week or so ago, go ahead, re-read them  LOL 
So take care peeps, be happy and as always, Ciao For Now

Whew Where Do I Start

     I guess I should start at the beginning, but I really don't remember it all from about a week ago. So lets talk from the inside, things I've seen and read online that have touched me somehow.I've been just doing my thing, going to the gym and it's been paying off. I've lost 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks and 3 of that in the past week. I am pleased with what's going on with me. I'm down a size and on my way to being down another. I need this I need to see progress. I like feeling better. Like I've said in a blog I wrote prior, I am still working on my walking and now it includes my biceps. So I got some barbells in varying sizes. Nothing too heavy as I have very little upper body strength. So at night now I sit with the little 3 pounder and do bicep curls while I watch TV. LMAO  I find it hilarious, but I want to tone as well as lose weight. I'm going to look like one of those guys walking around with the squeeze grips, walking and squeezing. So I am on the couch watching TV, cat curled next to me on one side, and there I am, curl, curl, curl. 20 reps at a time for a half hour show. The switch arms. Been doing this for 3 days, not doing it every day though. Too much, going to do it on my machine days. I was told not to do machines 2 days in a row as the muscles need time to heal. I am going in the morning early to do the demon treadmill and the bike.
     The next thing on my agenda is social media. I read about Paula Deen. One part of me is so very appalled at what she said. I can't imagine in this day in age to be so demeaning of others, then I think but she is from a generation where that was not unheard of and especially in the south.  Now then I get upset again and if you are in the public eye, you need to be aware of what you are presenting out to your followers. Alone in private moments then say and think what you want, but that's wrong too. You should be able to be who you are. Then I read all the remarks against her and they are so filled with hate, for a person who fucked up and said something she shouldn't have.  I go back and forth, and it's understandable. I know people who are "of color" and I hear them use the "N" word.  How can they use it and not me? Is it derogatory or not. If it's a word that deplorable to use, why so I hear it on CD's all the time? It's bad or not bad, it can't be one or the other.  I don't use it, but I don't think the ones who are saying they will "F" this woman up so she can't sit should use it either. By using the "N" word it makes their arguments totally void.  I suppose this segues into my second thought. On facebook I liked a post showing an overweight girl on a leg press machine. It said getting fit for fertility. I applaud her for doing what she is doing to help herself with something she wants to change. Yet reading the posts people were putting made me want to cry. They were saying hey you should push yourself away form the table instead of that machine. Try putting down a fork sometimes. That she looked like a whale. I was so upset at this, this woman is damned if she did and damned if she doesn't. I for one am tired of hiding who I am.  I am Mary, I am short, I am fat, but I deserve the same things as anyone else.  I always say if the worse thing people can say about me is that I am fat then I am okay. I do mean that but you know it still hurts. I won't let anyone see it, so I get a bit out of control sometimes. It's something I work on, to feel free. Not to stay in the car until the group of sexy younglings walks by. I'm working on it. To nit get self conscious when a group of teens is looking at me, TEENS, I could be their mom but I have heard remarks, so I stay put until they are gone.   It's only recently that I have felt better. I am confident in my world, with my friends but these things are the ones instilled at a young age and harder to break through. With help of dear friends who mean the world to me, I feel more confident in the outside world. I actually wore a sundress the other night, that had spaghetti straps. My arms were exposed and I didn't care. I liked the way it looked. I am working on my body but I'm happy its starting to show my efforts. It's taken a long time to really see a difference. It's worth it though. I will get more fit, walk with friends, I will get into that size 14/16.  
     Once again I have traveled the tracks in my mind and the train took a weird journey. thank you so much for sharing the ride.  So until next time I will say, as always, ciao for now! 

Random Thoughts For Tonight

1) It was a fiends birthday but he lives in California, so I can't buy him a drink. Would have liked to do so.
2) the ball on my new earring fell off and neither I nor hubs can get it back on. Upsetting, so must go to local ink shop to have them do it...LAME!!
3) did really good food wise today than had a drink after dinner. Why did I do that? Wasted calories!!
4) wish hubs wasn't scratching so much tonight, it's really bothering him and no doctors can figure it out. Makes no sense and is really hurting our relationship!
5) realized I'm actually pretty strong willed when I have been craving pizza and hubs said okay which he rarely does but then I said no. Not worth blowing an entire days calories on one meal. I guess I had the shot as consolation. Lol. It was only a shot, no more than ounce and a half.
6) want my friend to draw me an awesome tattoo, maybe an owl and moon with stars kind of thing. He draws so well. Don't want to impose though.
7) applied for two jobs today and hope one calls me back
8) really want a job, I need cash.
9) wonder who reads my blogs in Russia, you guys read it a lot. Thanks much
I really am just a bunch of thoughts tonight. One from yesterday is making me giggle and a bit nervous. I want to finish phone calls that got interrupted, I want to extend my workouts to at least 2 hours at the gym. If I can that I mean.
 I am looking forward to possibly heading up to Maine in the near future. Happy that I enrolled in an art class for next week, will be nice to interact with like minded folks. It gets very lonely down hear at times.  That's it guys. Not very much tonight. Read the blog before this as it was much more exciting. Lol.  Sweet dreams or good morning.  Ciao For Now

I lost Another 2 Pounds, And Gained Some Self Awareness

     I weighed in this morning, and yay the scale went in the proper direction, BUT I think that more than losing weight, it's my realizations about myself and even life that I appreciate. 
     I know we all have our strengths and weaknesses, we need to praise our strengths and not hide them. No one would do that you say? Au contraire my friends. I know that there are many who "tone down" their accomplishments, such as a very smart girl who plays "dumb" so guys will like her. Or a person who can sing the shit out of a song and won't get up for karaoke. These are just two I can think of off the top of  my head. We are taught to be humble and not boast, and that is fine and dandy but we also need to be taught to embrace what we are capable of and try to better ourselves. Not to go against another (as we are ALL different) but to better ourselves against the former us. There is a quote by Ernest Hemingway that goes: "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man, true nobility is being superior to you former self." What great words to live by. Look I'm competitive, I don't like that in sports nowadays every kid plays, you should earn being on a team. I don't mean schoolyard games, I mean if you are in a league. Try to be the best you, earn your strengths and in so doing we discover our weaknesses. Now I am not saying that's always a bad thing or that you are a weak person. But lets be honest there are things that we can't do well. Here is another BUT!! Its doesn't mean you can't do them; just don't be sad if you can't do as well as someone else. It's not always a contest. This is something I had to learn.
     In losing weight, which has been a lifetime event for me, I could win a medal in great starts. I'm really good at that. I have gained and lost the same 20 pounds over and over again. In younger years it was easier, I was very active. I rode my bike, I played basketball. Because of this everyone said oh when she gets taller she will slim down. Guess what, I DIDN'T GET TALLER!!! LMAO   So as life got more sedimentary, instead of walking there was my car, I watched sports instead of playing them, I hung out in stead if riding my bike. My metabolism was not the same as my friends. There's that comparing again. haha. So before you know it, I find myself here just on the plus side of 50 and still not fit. Notice the phrasing as that's important. I say FIT! I know many people who the world will point and say FAT, but although they are by society's measures overweight, they ARE fit. America has become so weight obsessed that we for get that it's not just what the scale says. As a matter of fact I have recently seen articles that state a bit of chub can help you live longer. I don't know. I would never judge someone on their weight, since most of my life I have been judged by mine. If someone is happy and has no health issues, then enjoy your life as you want. Not happy about something then change it but do it because YOU want to. I was not happy and yes have issues that I need to change. So I joined a gym, have been counting calories and finally its starting to show. I am pleased and along the way I have noticed that for all my circuit machines and bikes and treadmills that I STILL have a walking issue. Go figure right? The simplest thing to do and that is what I have problems with. I can ride that bike on all terrains the machine offers.  I do the circuit machines with minimal issues but that damn treadmill is like my personal hell! Of course it's the one thing I am striving for, to be able to walk the streets of London when I visit, and of course more close to home, walk my fabulous streets of Manhattan without always looking to hail a cab! So want to discuss frustration!? BWAHAHAHA 
     I also mentioned strengths and I have them. I can drive well, cook very well and bake even better. I love people and am a damn good friend. I love my friends and family with every part of me. I am loyal, fun to be with, and damn I sound like a frigging golden retriever. :-D 
I am worth knowing, although I can go overboard, and I question a lot. I think that's from when I was younger I sometimes felt others were just going through the motions, and I want to be certain.  I am the proverbial work in progress, so many thoughts in my head at all times. I never fully get the chance to say all I want and ALWAYS think the best stuff after the conversation is over. I am long winded at times (proof with this particular blog) but I'm trying. I'm trying Mr. Hemingway to become more noble. 
     So I will end this here and say as always Ciao For Now

Things Happen - What Can You Do?

     Well I am going to go get my ink finished this weekend, and I hope it turns out well. I like the piece but its not coming together quite the way I wanted. Will need to talk with my artist Saturday before we start. Hair must be darker on my fairy, it's too yellow, I need her more defined, since to me she looks a bit too cartoonish. (Is that a word? Lol)  I'm looking forward to it though as I always am. Something about that needle just gets you going. I was afraid I'd have to cancel as tonight my cat got spooked and ran across me and left 4 long scratch marks on my leg right near the ink. It still hurts, but. I washed it and put anti bacterial on the streaks. It's covered with gauze now but will be fine tomorrow and really fine by Saturday I'm sure. I am paranoid. But I'd rather not get an infection in my leg again. Once was quite enough thank you!
      I went tonight to fill out my food journal on My Fitness Pal and was sure I'd be over my calories for the day. But low and behold, I was under. Not by 100's but by 107. I am honest on them, I mean who am I fooling? I will say that I do miss hearing I am sexy. Hubs always tells me cute is so much better. No, a woman wants to know that the opposite sex finds her desirable. I want to know I am thought about and desirable and sexy. I'm not just saying that to have someone tell me. I want them to mean it. I feel it on many days, today was not one of those days really. I had a good although rainy day, lol.  Just not feeling the sexy today. Who knows, tomorrow I may just ooze sexy. LMAO I know, I'm a hard one to keep up with. Not really, I just want to smile, go out with friends, cook lovely meals, get a job....I'm actually smiling right now, kind of laughing at the sexy remarks I made. I'm imagining looking into a mirror and telling myself  I'm a sexy lady, then that song is popping into my head, you know the one... Who's That Lady. Hahaha oh man, it's a trip inside my head isn't it??
      Oh hey, I'm picking up my car tomorrow. It's been a week, pretty fast job. I do hope it looks good. Must do extreme check when I get there. I could have gotten it this afternoon, but the weather sucked so I opted for the morning. I still have no idea how much all this cost the guys I insurance company. It's all electronically billed and paid. Ah technology.  Since the weather is supposed to be nice this weekend, it will be nice to have the convertible back.
My friends daughter, my Goddess daughter and hubs Goddaughter turns 14 tomorrow. No impossible that much time has passed. She has grown into such a lovely young lady. My friends son turned 15. It boggles the mind that two people I love had these gorgeous children (they both have other lovelies at home also) and have raised them right. You read so much about kids their ages and sans the usual pushing of the envelopes by these kids, they are truly good kids.  I'll say it again, and again. My one true regret in my life. Never to know what that feels like, to have and raise a child. I know they are proud of them, hell I'm proud of them and they're not even mine. I happy for my friends, they made these beings - amazing job - well done guys. 💗
      Going to wind it down now, as I hear Morpheus calling out, and as exciting as this blog is - Hehehehe I'm taking this sexy ass woman to bed. So as always Ciao For Now Peeps

It's Been Awhile

     So, I've been quiet (on here anyway LOL) and now I've been home since yesterday. A trip to New York is always welcome, but it always is bittersweet. I miss NY and love going back. I will say that thr travel to and from my beloved city this time was not optimum. The northeast was having a hurricane, first of the season. It caused havoc on the roads, with so much flooding. It took me a little over 7 hours to complete a 4 1/2 drive. I went out that night and the wine and hard lemonade helped calm my nerves and help sleeping. LOL Saturday night was a birthday dinner and Sunday was the best as we went to tea at this adorable tea parlor out on Long Island. It was such a wonderful experience, and the owner of the place was so sweet. He talked with us for a bit and explained what they had. Choice of the first pot was easy, as they had Yorkshire Gold as their house tea. We had that then for the second pot we had PG Tips. Thanks so much to my Friend in England who sent me my first tastes of these lovely teas. He has spoiled me. 
     I was decent with my food. I watched and was good with food choices, even forgoing my favorite NY pizza, to have a salad for lunch, I was over slightly on Friday and Saturday. Obviously it was the alcohol that put me over. Even on Saturday with the scones and OMH the most divine clotted cream, I was under my calories. Monday I was very under as driving I wasn't hungry that night. I'm doing better with choices, but I have had a craving for ice cream lately, just a scoop of real rum raisin or chocolate. I will wait though. I am headed to the gym tomorrow morning as it's been a week since I've gone. I actually am looking forward to it. It's going to hurt... LMAO 
     I put on my 3 1/2 heels this weekend and was actually walking in them with no real issue. I used to wear 4 inch back in the day.  Made me feel a little sexy. I have lost some sexy I'm thinking but I'm getting it back. I have though, gained much confidence!! 
     I am tightening my belt as hubs was laid off last week, although he got a fabulous redundancy package, it made me realize that I can do it. I've planned all kinds of projects including repainting my old bookcase. Wonder what color paint I'll look good in. HEHEHE
     Well just wanted to say hi and that I'll be back with some good stuff, promise. Leave me some comments guys. I'm not even getting them from my regular readers, that means you "M" and "T", yes needy, why do you ask? ;-D lol     Ciao For Now

Fate Plays Funny Sometimes

     Well as I mentioned I had a car bumper thumper, so I'm on the phone with the rep for my insurance, and we were chatting. She was very and it came about some how that I was looking for work, and she mentioned that the company will be putting up a job req. soon.  Basically it is for what she was doing which is what I used to do and was the supervisor over. So she gave me the URL to check starting next week, so I see when the job gets listed, so I can apply. Also yesterday a lady I used to work with about 3 years ago, messaged me in facebook and asked if I was still looking for work. I said yes and she gave me a URL to a job that they have open. I filled out the forms, and then she let me know this morning she spoke with the recruiter who handles that job. I hope to hear soon about coming in for an interview. I also had a headhunter from an agency call me and I was supposed to see him today at 3 but he called and had something come up and so now I see him next week. If the saying, "When it rains it pours." is true, I could use a huge fucking thunderstorm boy! LOL 
     Been to the gym, eating well so I feel better, and I will do my best to be aware of my calorie intake this weekend coming up. I also came to terms with realizations that I knew but hard to accept due to past occurrences. Onwards we go. 
     I was in contact with a dear friend and she was upset by happenings where she lives. I told her that I am here for her anytime. We exchanged I love you's and will talk this week. I used to be the one my friends all came to if they needed to vent or talk or whatever, have a laugh, you know? But I wonder if I've changed that much, that it makes others more silent. I'm not prying, I just like to be part of my friends lives. Okay yea I'm nosy LMAO  (but Im not a gabber or hurtful so that's a plus for me) Go Mary! WOOHOO :-D 
     I am actually going to try to get some sleep. I have been awake at 2 am most mornings and its causing issues. I stay up until about 5 or 5:30 am then fall out. So I wake up about 9:30. NOT GOOD!!  With that, I am saying ciao for now.

Affirmation To Myself and Spirit

     Sometimes it takes a wall to realize what you are capable of. Scaling it can be simple if you don't lose your vision of how you want it to be.  At the same time, everything seems to want you to fail. Pad yourself with those who enrich and love you. Should you fall, there is no reason not to accept help getting back up. Feel the energy from inside you, join with that outside you, and move forward. Even if its so small a step, it doesn't seem like you've moved. You have, keep faith in that. Eventually the results will show. Obstacles are there, and the way you respond to them will either strengthen your resolve, or diminish it. I choose Strengthen!  

So, I call to the powers that be, the energy that's inside of me:

By Fire, Air, Earth & Water, 
From my path I will not falter
Within joy, there is always strife
Yet this is normal, this is life
I walk my path, a change I'll see
My resolve renewed, So Mote It Be!

Cherry on the Sundae, so to Speak

     It has been a flurry this past week. It's now 2am on Sunday morning, 2nd of June. I expect my next installment will be tomorrow night. Today will be filled with cleaning, gym, and who knows what.
      Where to start, not easy as the week was a blur. I acted stupid and childish and my friend sweetly reprimanded me, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. He doesn't mince words, and I admit I deserved it. I was happy that he knows he can do that, I appreciate the honesty. It was just part of the week that consisted of writing a new budget for myself, going through old clothes to see what now fits. Making a call to the homeowners association,  paying bills, losing at Candy Crush Saga, making one of hubs favorite meals tonight oh yea, and having some man run a red light and hit the front of my car.
     I had a green light and turn arrow, so I am driving and don't you know, I guess it wasn't the right color red for him because he went right through his light, and bam!!  I now need to wait for Monday to have my claims adjuster come out. Car is drivable, but the front bumper is pushed away, there is a dent in the metal above it, and thankfully it didn't get my hood. No clue what it will cost. I have his insurance info, and called to leave his rep a message. No way I'm paying anything to fix my car, he ran the red light! He needs to cough up some dough. Obviously I'm angry, but no one was hurt at least.  I know I'll get a loner car, just wondering what it will be.  
     Peeps I'm losing weight I can feel it but today I felt jut the opposite. I feel so weighted down, and it makes me cranky. I'm not stupid, but around some people on the phone at least, I feel like a empty headed lady. I need some good conversation. I'm starved for it really. I think I just figured that out.
I'm mean go to a place and talk, about everything, about nothing, what makes you smile, your thoughts and sharing my thoughts.  I enjoy  the look a person gets when they are talking about something they are passionate about. It gets you caught up, it opens your eyes. It's been a while since I've done that.  
     I'll let you know what happens with the claims adjuster on Monday. It's late, going to try and sleep, so ciao for now