A Letter To My Mother (You all can all skip if you want)

Dearest Mom,

      You know I always believed in reincarnation so I often wonder if you can hear me when I speak to you? I know it's been a lot lately, but Mom there are some things that I am trying to understand and I really could use your help. So sorry if I get to be annoying, but you know me? :-)
      I'll be honest, I was hurt when you died. I wasn't angry really, as I knew you were in pain, and I am glad that is now over, but damn it Ma, I was only married a year! I really could have used your advice on a few things, I felt selfishly abandoned!! To be honest, I truthfully think you spoke to me in ways I've not yet discovered, because I got through those unsure first years of marriage issues fine. So you know that sometimes I can actually smell your perfume. Sounds crazy doesn't it? I know you understand though, same as you heard your Dad whispering to me when I was a baby. I wish I could have met him but he died right before I was born. I still laugh though knowing how you hated the heat, and there you were having to standing in the hot August heat at his graveside. You told me that was the day I kicked for the first time! That sounds like me, 8 months into your pregnancy and I finally decide to let myself be known. LOL You told me that story so much, I hope that me being there eased your heart about losing your Dad.  We had fun though didn't we?
     Did you ever think that the silly things we did, would end up in blogs, or on social media websites? Oh you would love computers Ma, you could look at all the recipes and furniture design books you could ever imagine. You know that show Emeril we loved watching together, well you should see all the new shows that The Food Network has now, it's amazing! 
     Hey, I've reconnected with a lot of the family on a website called Facebook.  Your nieces and nephew are doing really well, as are their kids. Michele's daughter Adele has a son in high school, can you believe it!! Al got married again, he seems finally fully happy and yep he still has the beard and I think he may still do Akido (I mean he was at master level haha)
     Ma I could go on and on for days on end, but frankly it's nothing I haven't said to you as I lay there at night. Or whenever I trim the Christmas tree, or make a Sunday gravy for ravioli and meatballs (your recipe of course - the BEST!!). I love you with all my heart and soul. Hell Ma you gave me life. You would have risked your life and died for me if the choice ever came down to it. I know this. My love is endless for you. I hope one day our paths cross again. I will know you, I will feel your essence when I meet you again. I know it sounds crazy but I can still hope. By the way, I still hate ironing curtains, remember that night. I found out very quick that you can't use the high setting. At least I only charred one panel :-D  
    Mom I know Dad will light a candle for you tomorrow, as will I. You are talked about often, missed every day and as for loved? Well that's 24/7!!!!!!!!!  How fast 15 years has gone, yet sometimes it feels as if it just happened. I am going to go to sleep Ma, I need to get rest, so good night to the best Mom I could have ever had! I miss you sometimes so much it hurts! I love you Mom, and ALWAYS will!!
     Thank everyone for allowing my indulgence, Ciao For Now.