Fleeting joy

     I had a great night with hubs last night, we laughed and kidded around like we did years ago, it was wonderful. As all things though it was short lived, and my heart just drops a little more each time we take that step forward and two back. When we met we laughed so much and I miss that. It's hard to see those you love in pain as I have said zillions of times before.  I live for these moments of joy. I wonder if its me sometimes. I am stressed I know this but maybe I push people away, it's always in the back of my mind. I want to know if i do yet I'm afraid to ask should the answer be yes. I cant do anything for my hubs and his pains and it makes me feel incompetant, I don't like that. I have these moments of doubt but then I chase them away by believing in my heart that those I love and hold dear would tell me if i was being over the top as they have before and bless them for that! 
     I wrote this on my other blog and even on facebook but today at work has been a little nuts and we are only in the first circle of hell as the other 8 will be arriving in the next few months, so i am again stating my affirmation here and now to al of you. If you have read it I am sorry to be repeating myself.

I'm not new. I have scars, a fat belly, freckles in odd places. I've been known to wish my boobs were bigger and that I was taller. I am in no way what society says is "normal" It's taken me years to accept myself, be comfortable with who I am. So here I am, short, fat & tattooed. No apologies for being me! So society - like me or don't, it's your choice, but get to know me before you make that choice. Don't judge me by the way I look, because you ain't gonna change me! ♪♪

 

Cioa For now peeps