And Away We Go!!!!!!!

     You know peeps, I wasn't going to post a blog tonight, I had a fuck it kind of feeling so I didn't bother. Now fast forward about 4 hours, I find myself wanting to blog. Maybe because it's getting close to the Sabbath, or that I am relaxed, or maybe the pot, or maybe the warm tea, or maybeeeeeee...wait wait!! What was that before warm tea??????  Whatever it is I am here now and want to talk blog. You know what that is right? It's when I blog like you're sitting across from me and we are talking.Q: Do you know what I've always wondered??? A:  Why is there a permanent press setting on the iron? hmmmmmmmm?  HAHA no but seriously....

     I'm sitting here listening to my husband snore and I'm looking at that stupid wall o crap that needs to go back into the storeroom. I have the light low and a stick of incense burning. It's by a company named Shoyeido from Japan. I love the incense, and no stick, so it burns all the way. I for once in quite some time feel grounded. As you have read in past blogs I have been anything but grounded, feels good to feel normal again. 

    I've been sitting here just going over things in my life that had made me smile. There were a lot of times. I guess that means I did it right, well, so far. Wink!  For a few years after my hysterectomy I thought I had done it as far from right as I could get. I was mad. Mad that I had cancer, mad I wasn't going to have kids! Then my nephew was born.....the anger finally went away as I held him. It became a warm loving ache. I can only imagine what it feels like if it's your own. Then hub's mom got more ill and needed to be looked after. In the end it worked out as it should. If we had had children, we wouldn't have been able to take care of Mom. I really think that things are going to happen the way they should. I mean the path can vary but the destination will always be the same. I think we meet who we are supposed to meet. I believe in fate (and, love, &fairies, &being kind, & giving your all to those you love) Warning you now, this blog may be difficult to follow, even to those of you well schooled in Mary"isms" :-)

     I also have wondered is my love of Retro things is an attempt to stay young? Or is it not to grow up? Are those the same things? 

     I also wonder if I didn't fuck up my life. I know I was lax with college. Now I just want that tea shop :-D  Round back to what I said before. It will come to it's end and me being me is taking the long way there. Know what? I'm smiling right now, I can add that blogging for you all makes me smile. I could also ramble on for pages but I'm going to stop before this does get to the point where you will stop reading and think to yourself "WTF??" So as always ...Ciao For Now
  

Wine and Cheese

     Was the rule of the day. After Saturday night being a bitch. Not going into it, same old same old. Person falling, helpless feelings, that quieted down and led way to Sunday.

    Sunday was a better day by 1000%. I woke up early around 6 but was so tired I fell back asleep until 10. Woke up and then hubs made breakfast which was a nice surprise. We ate and talked for a little while. He had to run out and buy some electronics for the office, so I took the opportunity to finally try to do my own gel nails.  So I had taken off old ones before but this time I actually got out my trusty salon UV lamp and gave myself a manicure then did the gel color. It was very easy as I used to love doing my nails and after going for years and now having the gel nails done at least 1 dozen times over the past year I felt confident. So here is the final outcome, what do you think? Do I have a future as a nail technician? LOL 

     So now I get to the wine & cheese part of our day.  I went to Whole Foods to buy chicken to cook for dinner. I went past the cheese counter and it all looked so good. We don't eat sweets for dessert and I had already bought grapes and peaches so I thought to myself...SELF!!....lets get some cheese too. So I looked and got a really nice wedge of  Wensleydale cheese that had cherries in it! Then I turned and walked to the wine aisle and bought a nice Chardonnay. So right now I am feeling quite sated as we dined on  BBQ chicken, with homemade cole slaw and grilled brussel sprouts. Followed up by the grapes, wine and cheese a little later and yes a little smoke, oh and add my Vicodin as my arm is hurting, yes add all those together and I am in a very nice place right now. How different 24 hours can make you feel. I love the feeling I have right now, I wish I could bottle it and drink it when I am feeling frustrated or upset. How wonderful that would be if we could do that. LOL

     I really have not a lot to talk about, I know that's happened a lot lately, but life gets in the way sometimes of things you would rather do. I do need to bake my Lammas bread for Wednesday. I am writing a small ritual I want to do on this Sabbath. It's the first of the harvest festivals. I will talk more about this tomorrow. I'm sure you are all chomping at the bit to hear! BWAHAHAHAHA

     So until then I will say, as always, Ciao For Now

   

Just Wonder

     You don't have to read this today as I just need to get some things out and I know this will be a bit defeatist sounding. Plus side the morning was good but this afternoon is changing that, as the weather is changing from sunny to rain tonight. My arm is all tingly and it goes across my back. I am afraid I am going to have to go for the MRI :-(

     I have been so good eating wise and yet I feel I look bigger, I feel weighted down. I can't, well, have fun time because my fooking arm, I am right handed but use my left hand for certain things. I can't reciprocate  and I feel terrible because I want to and I get afraid, I so want to please, it's well deserved too.   I have an entire storeroom of items against a wall in my bedroom and I try to pick stuff up and move them back but i can't lift them. I feel useless and I so want to do things that I just can't at the moment. I know this is temporary but it sucks!!! I have trouble getting dressed and even putting on deodorant is hard as I have a horrid time lifting my arm.  I have hours that are fine and then BAM!!

    

     Good news, the USA woman's soccer won today against Columbia. Everyone is making fun of Queen Elizabeth's facial expressions, poor woman. She is old people!! Although I must admit the one that said "Look at all the countries I used to run" made me laugh. I am having yet another cup of tea and going to read my kindle as I just don't feel up to seeing a friends band play tonight. I just hope I get to the bottom of my arm issue, I need my arm.  I have things I need to do for a few people and I am looking forward to doing them so I need to be right as rain.

    I refuse to wallow in self pity, so thank you for allowing my indulgence. Will be back tomorrow, ciao for now!
   

Bridge (Over Troubled Molar)

     Well all, it's just after 9PM here and I am off to take a shower since at 7:30 tomorrow morning I am getting my permanent bridge put in. I am half debating going home after to go back to bed for a few hours, I mean I don't start until 11. LOL 

      I am not able to pinpoint my thoughts tonight, so I think I will forgo any kind of lengthy writings. I have been all over the charts and need to ground myself. I am hoping I can watch the opening ceremony of the Olympics tomorrow. I like the Olympics, although I tend to watch more of the winter ones. Lets go USA!! :-D   

     I will put to pen to paper over the weekend I'm sure. So take care peeps and Ciao For Now

Fleeting joy

     I had a great night with hubs last night, we laughed and kidded around like we did years ago, it was wonderful. As all things though it was short lived, and my heart just drops a little more each time we take that step forward and two back. When we met we laughed so much and I miss that. It's hard to see those you love in pain as I have said zillions of times before.  I live for these moments of joy. I wonder if its me sometimes. I am stressed I know this but maybe I push people away, it's always in the back of my mind. I want to know if i do yet I'm afraid to ask should the answer be yes. I cant do anything for my hubs and his pains and it makes me feel incompetant, I don't like that. I have these moments of doubt but then I chase them away by believing in my heart that those I love and hold dear would tell me if i was being over the top as they have before and bless them for that! 
     I wrote this on my other blog and even on facebook but today at work has been a little nuts and we are only in the first circle of hell as the other 8 will be arriving in the next few months, so i am again stating my affirmation here and now to al of you. If you have read it I am sorry to be repeating myself.

I'm not new. I have scars, a fat belly, freckles in odd places. I've been known to wish my boobs were bigger and that I was taller. I am in no way what society says is "normal" It's taken me years to accept myself, be comfortable with who I am. So here I am, short, fat & tattooed. No apologies for being me! So society - like me or don't, it's your choice, but get to know me before you make that choice. Don't judge me by the way I look, because you ain't gonna change me! ♪♪

 

Cioa For now peeps

I love surprises!!

    I just got one here at work about half hour ago and it gave me a pick up for the rest of the evening. I wasn't expecting to hear from this person and it was nice!  I have always loved surprises. Good ones of course is what I am referring to.  I remember growing up all the surprise parties we went to, and the look on the birthday boy/or girl was great. I remember once when I must have been abotu 12 or 13. I found all my Christmas gifts that my parents had wrapped and hid from me. Well sneaky whelp I was, I opened every one of them to see what I was getting. Of course my parents found out and I was punished. So on Christmas I had to explain to my cousins why none of my gifts had wrapping paper on them.  I learned a very valuable lesson. Surprises of that nature are as much fun for the givers as the recievers and I took the fun from my parents. They looked forward to seeing me unwrap my gifts, and believe you me! I was sad too as I wanted to be surprised and I ruined it for myself. The gifts for some reason, although very much loved and appreciated, didn't have that Christmas "Magic".  The lesson again well taught one year, also Christmas. For some reason that year we had very little money. I was 17 and I remember my mother crying becasue she couldnt buy gifts. I told her it didn't matter and I meant that but well she like me loved to buy things for others. It was the only year I really remember being totally skin at holiday time.  Well I just would not hear of it. I remeber checking my savings which were pitiful as I did have a car to maintain on my own with a payment, but I did have $190. I went out and bought my dad a shirt for work and a scarf and gloves set for my mom. Nothing big, but they had to have something, and I remember the surprised look on my Mom's face when I produced these meager offerings Christmas morning. She broke into tears and that was a Christmas I will not ever forget.
     Wow one phone call this afternoon and I am full of stories LOL  I have more trust me but I will forgo them for everyones sanity. HAHAAHA   
     Well more grounded info, my arm was good enough that I didn't wear my sling but I am regretting it right now as my arm hurts so much.  I gave myself a pep talk as I was washing my hair, but I still used really only my right hand. I will be glad when this gets fully healed.
     Tomorrow will be interesting, we are making the first of many announces about new benefits for 2013 and I know there are going to be many many calls about this. I'm rady though but it's a reminder that the year is winding down. August is almost here and I can't believe it. Before you know it it WILL be Christmas again. OOOOOH more surprises  LOL    So if you don't know this, I do all the recodings for  my division. You know that "For this press one" lady, yep I do that. Tomorrow I will be doing recordings for the Indian and European divisions as well. I'm going global!! LOL Oh man, can you imagine, maybe one day I can be the voice of the lady who gives you the time when you call in, or does the movie times , etc  hahaha
     Oh this is a silly blog tonight but I need the silly, its nice to smile, oh I got so sick last night peeps. I went to bed around 11 then just after 2AM I went to the bathroom and violated the waste bin (if you get what I mean) my throat is still a bit sore. I had odd dreams when I went to sleep again. I was with my friends in Maine and we went to this house near a river.  It was so beautiful, rich wood all around, spacious layout, huge kitchen. If I coud draw I would sketch this house and build it!! I have been dreaming a lot about houses lately and i wonder if that means anything? Anyone know?
     Well on that note peeps, I am going to say bye. So take care and as always, Ciao For Now! 



   

The Play Is The Thing

When I was 10 - I wished I had big boobs
When I was 20 - I wished I had my own apartment
When I was 30 - I wished I had a child
When I was 40 - I wished I had my Mother back
When I was 50 - I wished I had big boobs

As the immortal Bard of Avon said: All the world's a stage, and all the men & women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts!  (way to go Shakespeare!)
     With each age we have new opportunities and new roads to venture down. Hopefully we learn and grow, developing our character to become the best we can be.  We learn new things;  in school, from our parents, from our friends. As we get older, there is more piled on us, and we often look back wistfully at our younger years laughing at how hard we thought it all was. It's all relative though, because back then it was hard for us. It was all new! The older we get the less new things there are and when we find something new, oh how we grab on and embrace it! I love to learn, to experience more, meet new people and from them, learn new things! That need to experience as many "roles" as we can before that final curtain falls.
     Thing is folks, I have played many roles and hope to play more but right now the play is getting old, even more so than I am! LOL I want to see other plays.  I'm tired!! I looked at my face in the mirror over the weekend and I did not look my best. I look normal enough but there is an underlying "something"  My manager today said "I can see the strain on your face as of late" and I know what she means.  I realize I am not going to look like a 22 year old fresh blossom but I hold my own for my age. I like that when people hear how old I am, I get that look of disbelief  hehehe Lately, although I still don't look my age, I certainly feel it!!  The obvious is my arm is causing me pain and the nice vicodin helps me with that but a MRI may very well be in the future, that with other issues (some of you know about) are taking a toll on me these last few weeks. I have noticed it in my interactions. I am more needy and touchy feely. I do try to still be cheerful but I admit there are some nights I just let it all out and cry myself to sleep. Believe it or not that helps me release the tension. I'm not looking for pity, no need for it, as this act 3 scene 5, must finish so I can move onto my next part.  I think a good mani/pedi and a spa facial will help this weekend. I may be going to a friends house so we can play make-up and just relax and girl talk. It's about an hour and a half drive there and the drive is really pretty so yea I will enjoy that.  I have been lax on the gym this past week and only went 2x. Did the treadmil as I can't use my arms to push anything. BUT I will NOT stop. THIS is a sub play and I can't wait to see how it ends LOL
     I am not complaining, I am stating facts!! About how I feel, which on a large level is fine, just the inner workings have some kinks I'm trying to work out, and I will!  I am the star of my play and will bring this act to it's close with a flourish and triumphant ending, setting the path for the next scene. I said from the start this blog will have rantings and although its had more than it's fair share, I make no excuse as my path may not be as smooth as many of you. I wish I had more comments from you all actually. I love feedback and am interested in what keeps you coming back. What play are you doing? Hows it going?
     I'm ending here. Hope you all enjoy my ranting and as always, Ciao For Now
   

Sunday round up

Ever look in the mirror and just wonder how you got there? I mean you think about your life and where you are, then imagine the what if's. What I'd I continued school early on? What if I dated someone else? There was a movie out years ago card "Sliding Doors" that basically asks those questions. If you haven't seen it, I recommend it! See although I often wonder what would have happened if I turned right instead of left. I also believe that we always meet who we are meant to meet! It's like our souls look for each other no matter what. People often think your soulmate is the love iof your life and yes they may be but they could also be that person who you are so comfortable around,the one you liked the instant you saw them! I was talking about this with friends Saturday night! I'm not a big beer drinker but several bottles later I was deep in discussion on this topic. I always say my opinion is free and worth every penny. Lol We discussed the fact if dopplegangers. I had always heard there are 6 people who look just like you. 6?! Not sure where they got that number from. Funny story - a friend of mine was at a gas station and he was talking to the check out lady and pointed and said "OMG that man looks just like me" the girl looks and says oh heck he really does. The guy turns around and calls my friend an ass. You see it was he twin brother and they were teasing the cashier - poor girl - hilarious I thought!! Lol. Really though 5 more of me? Scary thought! I'm here at just after midnight enjoying the effects of my pain killer. I don't think I'll need my sling tomorrow but I need to remember to eat when I take my muscle relaxers. Man they tear up your insides if you don't, not to mention make you dizzy. I do feel better so I am thinking pinched nerve is correct, and happy it's not a compression in my neck. Well at least I don't think it is. I do feel better though and have a teeny bit of strength back in my arm. Peeps even so, the meds make me sleepy so I'm ending here. Ciao for now!

Ouch and Sheesh!

     Okay tonight's blog is being written using one had as my left arm is in a sling. A pinched nerve, or so I thought was the cause. The doctor checked me and well I am on meds since the x-rays show nothing but he had me mo e my head abd neck ans he was a bit suspect of the results. Hoping this heals with the anti-inflamatory drugs and pain meds because if nit then I must have a MRI done.  May be compression at the start of my spine on my neck! Oh joy!! I knew all the excersise would hurt me LOL Actually the more I do now the better. I need to do even more I am thinking.
     Did have good news though, remeber I said I gained back weight and I then re-lost it. Well Dr. weighed me and I am down 16 pounds again, so I am going back in the right direction :-0 Total of 58 , I'll take it and I do walk the treadmil more and I am striving to get as fit as I can and still be about a size 14/16. You CAN be both!!
     I wanted to pop in and let you know what is up but since I am writing one handed it will be a short blog. Thankfully I use my right hand for most things ;-D  lol
Check it out:

Sorry it's blurry

 As always, Ciao For Now

So You Want To Be A Millonaire?

     Good luck on even keeping your job. Not me, thank the Gods, but a good friend of mine. It seems that as of mid August she may be laid off. Part of the government cut backs, and she works for the state of PA. I feel so bad for her, wish I could help. Giving her the website for my company to see if they have anything near her that may fit what she does, but other than that, I have no answers. It's no secret I am not a huge Obama fan, and it's only recently I have been doing my homework, so to speak. I am not thrilled with either top candidate and I am very sad for my country. It just seems to be getting worse and worse for us so called "middle class"  There really is no more middle class. Back when I was a child, my parents were considered, "Upper Middle Class" they had a good income, lived in the suburbs and owned a home of their own. Since the year 2000 (or there abouts) I have seen the value of my home in NY go from the mid to upper $700,000.00's to about $530,000.00. Granted for my dad who paid $19,000.00 back in 1962 that seems like a gold mine to him, but really it's terrible. Housing has plummeted although in the last few years its very very slowly rising a bit. Nothing to shout about though. I heard and I must check to see if this is true or not, that Obama is trying to pass a bill that if you sell your home in the later part of 2012 to 2013 you will be hit with a 3.4% sales tax that will go towards - get this, Obama care!! What?? Im being taxed for health care when I sell a home?  This is riduclous!!!  The entire Obamacare is ridiculous and not thought out at all. I realize that nothing is perfect and many other countries with socialized medicine are broke in that area, but I can't understand why selling my house should in ANY WAY be taxed for health care!! I need to read to find if this is actualy true, I will let you know. I do realize that the money must come from somewhere but home sales??
     Today has been a very rough day, afternoon meeting amounted to bupkis!! I am in pain due to the pinched nerve in my arm or neck and no ibuprophan in sight and aspirin doesnt cut it. I did have some bright spots today but they are surprises and I cant really discuss them at the moment but I'm grinning right now thinking of it.  LOL
     Okay lets talk social networks.  Why is it that even on these I'm not in the cool clicks!!? :-D  I can't win, I post cool stuff that I like but I dont get the questions and comments these others get. I know its stupid but you start to think whats wrong with you? Why wont you play with me? LOL I also mean real questions or comments. I cant begin to tell you how many people message me that they want to F@*K me and have no problem being descriptive about this.  I've even had pics sent, which is why I always use my phone to open the site during working hours. My luck the screen would freeze on a bad pic. Yay for the delete button, some are not bad if I'm honest BWAHAHAHA, but yes, even they get deleted.  I can only imagine what I'd get if I posed naked like so many of the ladies on there. hehehe  I won't though, not my style, plus my tits are no where big enough! I dont blame any of the men or ladies who comment on them as I have liked many of them myself, just weird sometimes.  I just want to meet people to hang out with and have a drink with, ya know? Why is that so hard to do?
     Roar, bitch, moan , complain, yep I've covered it all tonight  HAHAHAHAHA  I can't wait for the weekend to arrive, going for drinks, speaking of that, with my old neighbors. We are going to a brewery in the area thats having a funk/jazz night. SOOOO looking forward to it, will be fun to catch up.
     Tomorrow is the new bridge and woo hoo, so I'm wrapping this up as its almost 8pm, Until next time peeps I say, Ciao For Now

As The Sun Sets In The West

    I swear I think someone has a little round voodoo doll and is sticking pins in it. By noon I felt like I was 100 years old. The morning started off well enough although I woke up at about 4AM because I had to wee. NO!!! It's not incontinence as one dear friend insisted on my facebook page. HAHA I had to laugh though because I did go to the toilet. I was going to go to the gym but having to dial in from home to a web conference call, I decided against it and tried to get back to sleep. About 5:45, after hub's last alarm sounded I finally dozed off. I woke to him leaving and kissing my butt cheek that had sneaked out from under the covers. I them fell asleep until about half seven. My arm started to hurt right away, and I think I will have to go to the doctor to get some muscle relaxers. I took a tylenol with codiene and had a rum & coke but nope still hurt. This is what I mean by feeling like 100. Let me tell you, washing your hair and everything else when your left arm is not working proper is not the fun it sounds like. On the plus side my thumb is SO much better, still wearing the brace at night for a few more nights but yep thumb is all sorted out! I tell you I had less aches when I weighed 50+ pounds more LOL   I think the problem is when I go to the gym I try to do too much and I just did a bone head move and am paying for it now.  Aw but this too shall pass.  Other than that and my allergies I'm fine.  LOL Yes the sultry blonde sniffling, sneezing, holding her arm against her,  paints quite a picture - oh boy, stand in line fellas...she's HOT!!   HAHAHA NOT!!!
     The day was a good one though despite the QuasiMoto stance. Had a few laughs online, OMG a friend posted one hell of a funny pic. I'm not going to post it but lets just say I will never view Piglet the same again ever!  We had a brief musical interlude this afternoon. I was listening to my Itunes on my phones and let my director hear Emilie Sande, he said she had a nice voice but too mellow for him, several other folks downloaded her cd right then. LOL Then one other gal played hers and we started talking about music and it was fun. So many types of music to chooz from. Had a thumbs up when I played my Adele and Depeche Mode from the new guy and felt good that I knew who Ms. Manaj and Rihanna are so I'm hip  hahaaha Throw in Usher for good measure. See as far as rap goes and hip hop , techno, I know the songs but not always who does them. Go back to the 80's and early -mid 90's and I know them. I love music of all kinds!! I want to go dance so bad but I need to find that voodoo doll of me first , who the hell knows what could happen ;-0  
     My smile is back, I lost it over the weekend  but it's back. I can be moody and needy and I dont like being that way but good with the bad right. I'm not overly bitchy, and I'm not mean (not by choice) sometims I do talk too fast and feel the need to over compensate if i may have gone too far in one direction. 
    I do have one piece of news I get my permanent bridge put n on Thursday morning. I wish I had money for the other one as I love the temp one. The dentist asked me if i wanted him to file down my front tooth as there is a little dip in it. I said no, I like it. LOL It's a perfect little imperectopn that makes me me.  I have found that often the things you label as an imperfection, is just that thing that attracts someone to you. 
    Now I am going to go as today although good has not been earth shattering as far as thoughts in my head go. So go read my naughty story as it shows only 2 people have read it. LOL  You are all busted!! hehe  Would love to know what you think? Do I have a career writing adult novels? ;-D   So until next time Ciao For Now

Yep I'm Weird (but truly harmless and adorable)

     An afternoon post! How rare for me, but the day is a bit mellow for a Monday, which I am rather enjoying, as it's a nice change from last week. (happy bunny)   As for the title of my blog, I figured I would state the obvious as part as an explanation into my mind. Scary place and only the bravest if the brave even attempt access. Thanks the Gods for those few friends who do! :-D
     The weekend was a weekend, as I wrote in my previous blog, nothing major to speak of so I kept it short. Thing is my thumb is getting better but the weather has been very humid and it's messing up my breathing. I don't mention it when I speak to my friends as, well, I don't like being negative when I speak with them but the ones who truly know me, know that I am not 100%. They pick up on it and I tend to brush past it and make some dumb remarks. I have an inhaler for when these allergies (and they are allergies, I do not have asthma)  act up but it has not helped me today. I went to the gym this morning, came home and started to have the breathing issue again. It happened last night as well, which makes for a restless sleep.  My arm is being annoying as well as I am having trouble lifting it, we did mass storage room re arranging and I think I pinched a nerve. It's just annoying, I'll live LOL
     Now back to what I was originally saying. My friends many times add or subtract to my moods. Not fair to them I know but I don't like when I don't hear from them.  I know it's because I am so vocal (or emails or calls ), that I just want them to be the same way. Of course life doesn't allow this all the time AND they are NOT me, so they are not going to think like that. Here's the catch that makes this my own issue! I know they care about me but as people's lives get busy I still wish it was like it was when life was a little more slow. Conversations were a little different, and the reality of the situation is we are closer than ever but, well I dont' know!! I don't want to go back to the way it was as I adore my friends and how far we have come but just sometimes I miss the newness I guess, the getting to know each other. We have attained the closeness and are comfortable in that, and love each other, but I get scared that I am not enough, and have gotten too boring and not worth it.  It's like I ask the hubs sometimes, "If we met now, would you still court me?" I mean it's not as involved as that, it's not an "IN LOVE" scenario but it is a love and caring one.  I'm weird I told you that and if you are one of my dear friends you KNOW THIS!!  LOL
      Man - I need a vacation, or new batteries!! HAHAHAHAHA  Bottom line to all my friends, you know how I feel about you all ad nasuem , so I will just chill out and relax, live my life as I need to do things in my life too. I will include you as much as I can, and don't change yourselves to calm my paranoia, I love you guys just as you are. How could I not as my friends are awesome!!  I'm selfish, I'm sorry, but I enjoy the company of my friends more than anything!!
    Well if you still are reading  thanks much  ;-D   I was speaking to my friend in England today and he told me it's been raining non stop there which sucks!! I am looking forward to watching the Olympics and I am picturing rain dates piling up.   Now I am headed there next fall and I know it will be cooler weather (yay) but is it possible to get snow in September/October?  I would like to actually go while the youngins are out of school, I need to speak with my friend and work out dates as I plan on buying my ticket by this years end. I am also planning a trip to Canada with the hubs this year for our anniversary. I mentioned it to him and he was in accord with the idea.  I want a proper vaca.  I have never had one since we have been married. Nothing for our 10th annvesary or our 40th or 50th birthdays and I'm sorry but these happen only once and that window has closed. So I am taking up the guantlet and planning. I want to have things to talk about, go places, take pictures and gather memories. My soul is that of a nomad and I have let it lay quiet for too long. NOT A GOOD THING!  I have tons of wonderful vacation pictures from other people's vacations! LOL Time to add my own to this.   I'm adorable and need to let others see this.  hehehehe  I'm looking forward to meeting people and making new friends!
    Oh man I am such a crazy lady but in reality I am just venting my thoughts. Dearest friends do not worry, I am still the lovable round chick you care about but I needed to say what's in my head. To clear it kind of. I will not act any different nor will I be any weirder (not possible I know lol) I just want to share experiences with those I care about, I don't think that's really too odd.    
    Wow I needed to get that off my chest.. so until next time, maybe even tonight I will say  Ciao For Now

Lat's Get Back To (Pardon The Expression) Normal

     What a weird week it was last week. Work was odd and ended by me working until about quarter to 10PM. So I got home and made friends with a bottle of wine.  Saturday arrived and with it the humidity. I made a huge container of ice tea. Unsweetened so you can sweeten as you like. I squeeze limes and splenda into mine.  I really love tea, I can say that with the strongest conviction. I like it hot, I like it iced. With milk or without and I also have used it in recipes. You can even add rum to it and that my friends makes it perfection!! LOL  I'm having a glass right now, as the night is winding down. True Blood is the television show of choice tonight. I know it's campy but I enjoy it! 

      Okay peeps, I lost 2 pounds this past week, and I think it may have been more but I have been drinking so much ice tea and water and well, shall we say not expelling it as much as one might think. I think I have water weight, lol. Who knows, weight is odd, I can go a week without losing then bam in 1 day lose 5 pounds. I am still less than I was a week ago :-)    Bad news though. Remember the cool dress I bought. Well it arrived on Friday and it's a little snug. I don't like the way it falls. Now, I love the dress but I'm going to have to lose about 10 -15 lbs more to fit it as I want to. I'm cook with that, It gives me something to work towards.  It's a life long process.  See, I know this blog is about losing weight and issues I have but I don't want to make this more boring than it is. I want to add saucy stories or put pics up that may be funny. Talk about things that interest me, hoping that they interest you as well. Tonight Im closing early but I will be back tomorrow with my soapbox and I will chat about a few things on my mind. Our health care system is one of them.  So until tomorrow peeps I wisdh you a wonderful night, go read my older blogs you've missed and we'll meet back here. :-) Until then, Ciao For Now

Not too much

    Guys, I hate to do this but this brace is making it rather cumbersome to type, I keep losing letters  LOL  I am sure I will be good tomorrow so since I actually noticed not too many folks read my last 3 posts, I'll give you all time to catch up, and I'll write more tomorrow. 
     Once again, I can't tell you how much it warms my heart that you all come here everyday and read my blog. I means so much to me. Thanks much!!

Who Would Have Thought?!

     So did ya all like my little story?  I've been reading erotica lately and it does give you ideas. ;-)  Quite!! hehehe    
     Guess what? I have De Quervain’s Tendonitis in my right thumb. For the last week or so I have had a bit of tenderness but this morning I moved my thumb and literally yelled out in pain.  for about ten minutes I couldn't move my thumb at all. I took Ibuprophan and iced it and it then started to loosen up a little. I have no clue how the hell I got it but I have a brace coming tomorrow. Actually I think I do know, and it's all becasue of Fifty Shades of Gray books! LOL  I read them all so fast, and I read at night in bed. I hold my Kindle Fire up in the crook of my right hand, that plus I have done lots of driving and holding my steering wheel, so between the two I think this is partly the cause. I've been icing my thumb today and it does feel better. In the grand scheme of things it's just a little road bump that will right itself shortly.
    So to recap my weightloss year, on my year anniversary plus a week I am down 57 pounds, just over a pound a week. My friend who does Weight Watchers said thats fabulous. Yea I know but I want more, I want to be done by next anniversary and I know it means going in full force.  I see no differnce in my look from say February or March of this year and there should be. So time to step it up. I have been working with the Amazons at the gym but I think it's time to have them write me up a strict schedule. They will be so happy that I'm going to ask them to do this. They live to see my sweat! lol ewwww!  I hate sweating, I so do. I am just like my Mom as I sweat in my forehead. My body not as much! Weird but thats me! :-)  I am actually getting friendly with some of the ladies and it's nice to know that there are people there to talk to, and the time goes by quicker.  We shall see what this next level brings us. I hope to Gods that my boobs dont get any smaller. I swear I see heavy men with moobs as big as mine LOL  I did get lots of compliments on Sunday at the wake (of all places) as I hadn't seen these people since November.  As always it was nice to hear.  I admit that I need outside validation. I try not to be needy (oh hush - I really do try) although I fall short of it and hey I am a female and I like to know that I am attractive. Yes I'm doing this for me and for my health but it's a bonus to get a compliment or get checked out. It's so new to me that I do get a thrill from it but hey who doesn't like to know that someone finds them attractive?
     Awe peeps, I wore my black dress to the wake and while I was driving there I did not wear the shrug and my arms were bare. It felt so nice to feel the sun on them but I just can't go sleeveless. I feel my upper arms are just way too flabby. Oh I've seen women whose arms are even bigger than mine go sleeveless, and more power to them! I feel like if I was onstage sleeveless and waved my arm; the entire front row woul dbe taken out! lol maybe next summer I will be able to go sleeveless in public! ;-)
     Well peeps, I am ending here, one becasue I really don't have anything major to squak about and two my thumb hurts a bit. So until next time, Ciao For Now
   

A bit long but I think You'll enjoy the read.

   It's been an emotional and tiring weekend for me, so I am not boring you with details. Instead I got home, took a shower, and to use Austin Powers speak..had a bong and a blintz! So I'm mellow and was thinking, and this is what came to my thoughts. LOL  Me so naughty. Actually this is rather tame. But hope you enjoy!

    For an entire month she would go to the bar near where she worked. Always on a Tuesday and always the third stool from the left at the bar in the back. The first night she had seen him, it was his eyes that got her attention, so dark almost black! He had smiled at her and she noticed that every time she looked up he was looking at her.  So she went back the next week and sure enough he was there. Same group of people, she assumed work friends. This little game got bolder as they would blatantly stare at each other playing a weird game of chicken, to see who would look away first. She always lost. So this would make it 4 weeks in a row, that is if he showed up! She frowned as she noticed it was almost 20 minutes past his usual entrance. She ordered another rum & coke and as the bartender was bringing to her, in he walked. This time he had the gaul to sit on the stool right next to hers, with his entourage in tow. She felt like someone had lit a fire as she started getting warm and the room seem to get smaller. He looked at her and then he smiled. She smiled back at him then quickly looked away a little embarrassed at her brazenness.  She thought she heard a slight chuckle. Her mind was racing reminding herself of every detail. His eyes although dark were not black but the darkest green. He was bald but she noticed a shadow so she figured it was his choice to shave it off, and he wore a goatee. She also noticed that he had a small gold hoop in one ear. Yes, definitely hot!

     She got the nerve to look at him again and he was in deep conversation with his co-worker of the importance of the Higgs Boson, she leaned in with out even knowing it to listen. His voice was smooth and you could tell he was comfortable in his thoughts on the subject. All of a sudden he turned to her and asked, "What's your opinion?"  She almost choked on her drink. "Excuse me" she squeaked out. He laughed and kept on talking. She felt foolish and was a bit angry at this odd encounter.  He turned to her a few moments later. "I apologize for my rudeness" he said looking right into her eyes, "My friends can be opinionated and I needed to sway them."  "Seems they're not the only one" She quickly put her hand on her mouth, she didn't mean to say that out loud. He looked amused.   "I feel like I already know you, my name is John, would you like to have a nice evening with me?" he was looking right at her again. She melted at his gaze and again squeaked out "I'd love to, and you can call me Tara"  He smiled wide and handed her a card, it had his business information, but on the back was his address. She assumed it was his home, she didn't think she was going for a lovely evening at his work What the hell am I agreeing to she thought.  He said Friday at 7, she said fine. She then called her friend to give her all the gory details just in case he turned out to be a mental patient or murderer, she wanted her friend to know where she would be.

     Friday  arrived and she rang the bell. He answered and immediately told her NOT to talk. Just nod yes or no. He then said "You are now regretting this and think I'm crazy" She nodded yes and he laughed. "No I'm not crazy, and if you want to leave you can go right now." She was about to but something was stirring deep in her and she was feeling hot again. He was quite handsome, not the most handsome man she'd ever had dinner with but something about his persona that was drawing her in. "Right into the web" was what she was thinking, and to her surprise she wanted to go.  "Would you like a rum & coke?" he asked her and she nodded yes with an question look in her eyes. "Oh I notice everything my dear and I noticed what you always drank" He answered her unspoken question in that smooth voice. They must have been there for over an hour, yet she had said nothing. He said"Let's go, I promised you a lovely evening" He led her by the hand to a door, and when he opened the door the light shone from the glow of candles. There must have been over 50 of them at least she thought. He stood behind her and whispered in her ear, "You like?"  She nodded and he chuckled. (It WAS him in the bar, she thought) He asked if she was comfortable with him and maybe it was the rum talking or how good his finger felt running up and down her arm, but she had to say yes she was.  He started to nuzzle her neck and instantly she was aroused. That heat was real this time and she knew he felt it too.  "I want you to take your clothes off  and lay on your belly on the bed" he whispered and she almost went limp at the thought. How dare he assume this, she hadn't even spoken. This game was getting a bit to strange but he flicked his tongue over her earlobe and she felt herself get wet. "OMG, he's making my pussy wet, how the hell is he doing this? For whatever reason she decided to play along, as long as he had a condom she was okay with it, she was a modern woman, her friend knew where she was so why not, she decided to play along.  She took her clothes off and went to the bed, climbed up and lay down, her arms crossed in front of her. He came over to her and said "You can speak now"  "Do you know the effect you are having on me, this has never happened before" She blurted out. "I know, he replied, but I could sense you would, could be persuaded" She wasn't sure to be insulted at that. Then he sat down next to her on the bed. "Do you trust me? he asked and and she replied no!  "GOOD!! he said, and you do know that we are going to have sex tonight. She nodded and he laughed "you can talk you know"  "I know, didn't feel I needed to" was her reply. "AM I REALLY DOING THIS? she thought to herself again, and again her answer was yes! "Fair enough", he announced. He then proceeded to place a velvet mask on her and the glow of the candles was gone from her sight.  Then she felt his palm run up and down her body. Her pussy got wet and she twitched a little. All of a sudden the plam came don on her ass! SMACK.."OW" she yelled out. "No twitching, or this will not feel good!" He again started running his hand on her, up and down and then on the last move he slid his finger into her pussy. Then he once again went back to rubbing her. Next time he put in two fingers and started to massage her G-spt.   She felt it start, that clenching of her muscles as he slide his fingers in and out slowly almost painfully slow. She let out a moan then all of a sudden SMACK there, he did it again, only this time it didn't hurt. It made her clench harder, then he started moving his hand just over her ass cheeks and occasionally he would spank her again, alternating between spanking and massaging her ass. She had never been spanked, not sexually, but to her surprise she liked it very much;  as he was well aware of as he slid his fingers int her again. She couldn't see what he was doing, but his speed was picking up and he got down close to her face and kissed her as his fingers fucked her harder and deeper. Before she knew it she was coming over his fingers and then he slid them out. She felt one hand under her chin and then she felt him put his fingers by her mouth. "Open, and clean my fingers for me, taste your pussy on them" he said in a low voice. She was crazy with her desire and she obeyed him licking them each separate, licking and sucking like they were small cocks.   

     "Roll over darlin'" was his next command. She did as she was told, still blindfolded but it only made her hotter for what may be coming next. She heard his zipper and assumed he was taking his clothes off.  She wanted to see him so badly but the blind fold forbid her.  He placed his thumb in her mouth and she sucked at it, "good girl" he said in a low gutteral sound, then she felt him move and next thing she knew, she could feel the smooth head of his cock as he ran it over her face. "Put your tongue out" She stuck out her tongue and he put his cock on it, then rolled his cock around her tongue. He wanted to make her wait more but she was facing him, blindfolded with her mouth open and tongue out. He couldn't wait, he shoved his cock into her mouth, slowly at first then faster, deeper. She kept up with him and sucked him, taking him all the way down her throat, she reached up to grab his balls and he almost came right them. NO - NOT that way. He roughly turned her over, spread her legs wide open, and with out any words rammed his cock deep into her pussy. She yelled out a loud moan of pleasure. He was on the larger side so she had to get a few thrusts in before she could accommodate him. To be honest she preferred a bit smaller and wider but she was so wet by now it didn't matter. All of a sudden he ripped the blindfold of her. He starred into her eyes, she was immediately lost in his, as she met each thrust of rock hard cock.  He looked at her and told her how beautiful she was, and he wanted to be with her the moment he saw her. She smiled at him and pulled his head down so they could kiss, while he plunged inside her. She felt it again and so did he.  They exploded together, then lay there in a sweaty but content heap.  "So did I keep my word" he asked, "did we have a nice evening?"  She smiled "VERY nice John, very nice indeed!  "Same time tomorrow night? he asked with a grin. "Sure, she ansered a little too fast, "love to"   They had a quick bite and he saw her to the door. He kissed her gently, with a hand on either side of her head. "I'll never hurt you" he whispered. She purred in response, then started to go.  "So, what do you think of handcuffs for next time?" he inquired as she hopped down the steps to the street. She stopped and whisked around, just as he threw her a kiss and closed the door.  "HANDCUFFS?!" she repeated to herself Just how did she feel about them? As she got in the cab and looked up at his silhouette watching her from the window, she thought, "I do believe I'm going to enjoy them!"     FIN (for now)

Unexpected

     My peeps, as I am writing this, I am also feeling the tears run down my cheeks. About an hour ago I found out that a friend of mine died suddenly this morning.  I was shocked to say the least. I called my friend to see what happened and they don't know yet, he had kidney issues and they are not sure if this was the reason.  He was a very funny man, interesting to talk with as he traveled often and had lots of cool stories. I am going to miss him very much!!

     I must be honest I really don't feel like writing tonight, I may be back as you never know what will inspire me. I think I need a little meditative time, so until next we meet I say Ciao For Now

What Tomorrow Brings or (I hate not knowing, ya know?)

     Well for me it brings a follow up visit to my doctor to check and see if my midichlorians are where they should be. LOL No I jest, I used the Farce! BWAHAHAHA  Oh somebody stop me!!!  ;-)  I just need to get checked again, as last time my white blood cell count was high and so they just want to make sure that it has returned to a normal levels or should they start to be a little concerned and run more tests.  I tell you this brings me to my blog. I hate not knowing!!
     I would rather be told that something terrible is going to occur than wondering about it.  This is one reason the hubs skin condition drives me totally bonkers!! I refuse to believe no one knows the cause of the itch, or that they dismiss it easily with a blanket generic term that basically means they don't know.  Eczema was alwasy my guess but this has grown way beyond any I have ever seen or experienced. Steroid creams do little at this point. I want to find this out. I go online to see if I can find stories of people with similar issues and they are out ther and every one of them is doing the same thing and being told the same thing. Now if this many people suffer this way, wouldn't you think that a cure would be found. I often wonder do they purposely not find out the casue as to make more money in creams and lotions. It's frustrating and aggrivating, but I wil keep looking.
    I also wonder what the future will be for me. What will it be like when I go to England finally, what will it feel like to be in a dress 3 sizes smaller than I am now? I wonder wonder who oo oo oo - who wrote the book of love? I just wish I could get a glimpse of what may happen, much like Scrooge did in A Christmas Carol. How wonderful to know things that will help you. Of course along with this you will see things that you may not want to see. Now, when I used to read tarot cards on a regular basis, (Don't laugh) I was validated when I asked a girl had she told her boyfriend yet. She asked what? I replied that you are pregnant! She starred at me an said she only found out the day before, but I saw it in the cards. I'm speaking truth here folks. Used to surprise myself a little too on occasin , but years have passed and I am very rusty and would not atempt it now. I told people by allowing them a glimpse tot he future we already are altering it. Makes sense becasue even on a subconsious level if we know something is going to happen we will prepare for it and by doing so change the entire scene. 
     I myself have penned the phrase, "The past gives us strength to deal with the future" I want to know so much ans of course that trickles down to personal relationships. We have discussed this before and my curious nature can put some people off. I don't mean to, it's just how I am.  It's one reason you DO want me on your trivial pursuit team LOL I know lots about nothing, hmmm maybe I should run for Congress! hehe Well we really don't know what the future holds, we can plan and dream and work towards goals but the final plays are a mystery. Since my name is neither Sherlock Holmes or Agatha Christie I will leave the mysteries alone (for now)  So quick tonight peeps, and I will end here. Ciao For Now

Let's Celebrate Independance By getting Drunk and Shooting Off Little Bits of Dynomite!

     Happy Independence Day or 4th of July if you will. History relates the tale of those here in America wanting to gain their freedom from England. Not to make light of the sacrifices these men made for us, as we all want to be free to voice our ideas and make our own way. Watch the movie "The Patriot" and you will bleed red, white & blue for days but England had hands in America way before the Declaration of Independence. The colonies were all under British rule and I've always kind of equated it with the kids getting to be away from their parents and all of a sudden think they can take care of themselves.  Not really but they need to find out for themselves. We are a new country, if I calculated right we are 236 years young and man we have made lots of errors. The latest one being this Obamacare. I am not a fan of this president, I really don't care for many of them. They all end up leaning too far one way or another. We need a middle ground, someone who understands that education, medicine and conservation are important yet we also need to support the military and find a way to fund social security and create jobs. It's a dream sadly,  as this of course will never happen.  Colin Powell was such a man but back then a black president would have been shot. Yea America has odd priorities sometimes. We are great though in other ways. There is a saying that I am so in accord with, it goes "I love my country, but fear my government"  Ronald Regan said it best, Government's first duty is to protect the people not run their lives. Okay I am now getting in deeper than I really wanted to and as I really know to be truthful. I know I am verbose but I don't want to sound stupid (any more than I just have LOL)  

     Well on this 4th of July I can say that I so want to go back home to visit the Motherland. LOL  I have dreamed of going to England since I was little and this in not new news I realize. So London this child is coming home next year!! Look out!! hahaha

     Today was a very chill kind of day, we slept in which was good for me as I was up at 3:15AM until 7 and I finally fell asleep until almost 10AM! Yikes.  I did have fun though playing songpop with my friend (lol from England)  I went to the store to get things for dinner then played on the computer and I am so excited. While in there I saw this larger lovely lady in an adorable red polka dot sundress Ala 50's style. I went to the website and yes you are right I bought myself a RED DRESS.  RED....ME!!  I love it and I am in such a more positive mood. The company is called Queen of Holloway and they sundresses and rockabilly dress, petticoats and such cute things. Now of course me being me I will have to go get a bolero jacket as I don't show my upper arms, I do in my own area or with those I am close to, but not work.  Of course I also know the red shoes that will be bought in the next day or so. LOL  I love my slacks but as warmer weather is here and I am a little smaller I am very back into dresses.  Plus I had an allergy on my feet and the skin is so much better now I actually am going for pedicures and I can wear sandals again.  I can't explain it and it may sound silly to all of you but I felt I got another piece of the puzzle that used to be Mary back in place.

Want to see the dress?  Of course you do and oddly enough I happen to have a picture of it!  SHOCK!!  hehehe   Here you go: 

Isn't it pretty. I have a strapless bra to wear with it but i can use those rubber boobie covers too, but i don't own those. It's sexy and can't wait to get it, and check this out in keeping with the day.......it ships from ENGLAND , how's that for bringing things full circle.  ;-D 

     Peeps since this is a workweek and I must go back to work tomorrow I will say goodnight and Ciao For Now :-D

Lightning

     Was all around me tonight peeps.  I went to the grocery store after work and I could see the edge of the storm rolling in. In the clouds you could see the lightning. No rain, not yet. When I left the store, the heavens had opened up. I had no umbrella but I walked steadily towards my car as the rain felt good. I ADORE walking in a summer rain! Anyway, by this time the lightning was just incredible. It was very strong and it lit up the sky with each strike. I love a good thunderstorm, it's so energizing. Well made it home but got drenched getting into the house, but now I am here drinking a nice cup of tea and just de-compressing. 

     Tomorrow (July 4th) of course is a holiday here in the United States. It falls mid-week, so unless you got the two days prior or the 2 after all you got is a day off. I'll take it!! Nice break if you ask me.  Have nothing planned, and the forecast calls for rain. So it's a lazy Mid-week day, again - I'll take it!!!

     I do not have a long or even interesting blog tonight so I will post again tomorrow. So until then, Happy 4th of July, and for my friends in England, thank you for the holiday :-)

Ciao For Now

I'm A Little Teapot Short and Stout

Okay lets talk about two things I have been hearing so much about. Thin privilege and Fat Shaming.  First one, yes being thinner does occasionally work very much to your advantage. As I wrote in the blog about the two waitresses, one being all thin and cutsey and how how she got all the attention over the fat more seasoned waitress. No it's not alwasy fair but it is what it is.  Now the second one, - look you are not going to shame me by telling me in front of an entire line of people that I am too fat to ride the roller coaster.  I am not stupid and for my body type I know its not good for me. I am what one might call roly poly! It's not just how much you weigh its also how the weight is distributed. Mine is all in my tummy area and god forbid any of that fat would find it's way to my chest! Oh no no!!! LOL  Look I admit sometimes you have a bit of fear that you may not be able to fit into a booth or a seat while out on the town, Since I'm short, even with the bigger tummy, I usually am okay with it. I have been to the theater a few times in the last two years and last year although snug i dint get the inpression those in the seats next to me felt crushed and then this year I felt downright cozy!! I even had fidget room.   Airlines try to shame you by making you buy an extra ticket since you are taking up a lot of space.  What about a passenger who is a "normal" weight but is just really tall and wide. They may also fall into the needing two seat rule. Why just fat people? So yes there is some discrimination but again sitting at home eating twinkies is not going to change it. If the reason you are fat has nothing to do with medical reasons you can't say there is nothing you can do. You can do something about it, BUT and here is the big but  (no pun intended LOL) You also should not be looked down on if you choose to have a dessert at a restaurant or be nervous about going for seconds at a buffet.  Look I have lost over 50 pounds and Im still a big girl. No one knows the struggles I've gone through so yea maybe I had a piece of cake. You know what> SO WHAT!! It's my choice. Yes most people, especially here in America weigh more than they should. To me I think all the fad diets should be thrown out, the ones like South Beach and the Mediterrainian diet make more sense. Weight Watcher is good too but you are given the freesome of points so you can choose the points where ever you want. We need to realize that the basics have not changed, all things in moderation and move your ass!! I sound so two faced as I can eat a huge bowl of creme brulee and not blink yet I don't. Again, my choice!  I dont move enough and the less I move the harder it is but you work through it.  You work your way through things and I am sharing I guess my strps and my falls. I am way too stationary for my own good so I realy need to push myslef towards my goals.  Today I was at the gym and the Amazon suggested I do sit ups.  Yes I am 5 foot nothing and look 10 months pregnant with twins, so sure sit ups!! Well she spotted me and I looked ...well...let me give you a visual. Think TURTLE ON HIS BACK!  LOL I must have been a sight and I admit I didn't do as many as I should have but its new to me and the muscles in my body are saying ,,whoa  wait a minute you haven't used me in so long  i need time to aclimate. So Wednesday I will do it again and Friday, and the next time, and each time will get better, I HOPE!!!   I am tired of being tired. Like I said I was mad on Saturday and I do dumb things when I dont feel well about myself. I hate to admity that I need valadation more than I had planned. I love me though, it took a long time to be able to say that, Ilove each stretch mark, and roll and flabby spot and i think thats the key instead of thin this and fat that...lets start with BODY ACCEPTANCE. We all are beautiful, we are all important.  Okay I've ranted and this roly poly chick is so ready to go home. So i will say Ciao For Now

Dig That Hole - Beat That Horse

     Well the weekend is over and I for one am glad. I know what you are thinking...Glad to be going back to work?? Yes I am. I was sick all day yesterday, then at night I got drunk, why I don't know. I was mad I didn't go to my jewelry party, mad that I'm only down 54 pounds in one year, mad that I was mad, just that kind of mood. I get that way maybe once every 10 years. It's like everything is in negative, especially my feelings. I make no sense during these times. I lash out and I'm afraid I did to one who deserves none of it and I feel terrible so of course I go overboard and try to compensate and I just look stupid! I pray that I am not diminished in the eyes if my friend. I couldn't bear it!!

     Maybe the entire thing was due to the horrid weather and storm we had on Friday night. It was amazing. There were over a million and a half people with out power and even this morning (day and a half later) when we went out to get breakfast it felt like a bad comedy movie. We went to Dunkin Doughnuts for veggie wraps and they were closed, then we went to the diner and they were closed. We go one other place and they were wall to wall packed. So we go get gas and figure we can at least get coffee but nope they had the pumps working but the electric for the store part was still out - ARRGGH - so back to the car to drive further to the grocery store to buy breakfast fare. Looks promising as people were going in. We were greeted by a lady stating that although they were open they had no: meat, eggs, milk, cheese, yogurt, basically no dairy at all. No frozen either. Only dry goods so back to the car ad we drive a bit more to find a burger king open. So we went there, got salads for breakfast. LOL  We are lucky as the power grids by me are underground. (yes a 2 block radius) Lights still flickered though. Where I get my nails done still had no phones and they were so glad to see me today. I was the only one in the shop LOL 

    So all this is why I want to get back to work, I want to talk to my friend. I want a schedule. I just want to make myself be not so impetuous, to be who I was 3 years ago. She is here most of the time but  she stepped away briefly this weekend, she won't be doing that again anytime soon.  (There is great rejoicing)   So my peeps, it's short & sweet tonight...Ciao For Now