Humans, yep Complicated

     Talking with a friend tonight and she and I pondered a question that seems to haunt a lot of people.  See she's having troubles with her marriage and well, sometimes things just change. It's frustrating, I imagine it can be downright infuriating as well. Main question is, how can someone make you feel so special, so loved, then months or years down the line, just replace you? Or say they don't love you anymore.  What happened to the special? I think the wisdom of Solomon couldn't get this one right. People are complex, needy, selfish, loving, giving, wanting, get the picture? If we, within ourselves, have so many opposing feelings, how can we be sure about anyone? We toss our hearts in, take the gamble, and hope for the best sometimes. My friend?  She's a great lady, I love her to pieces, she's confused, hurt, but carries on. Her husband is also a really nice guy. Their situation kind of backs my feelings that perhaps we are not meant to stay with one mate forever. Forever is a long time people. No one person is going to be everything you want or possibly need. We are different at different stages in life. Can a person who filled our needs at 20, still do this at 40? Sure, but it's okay if they don't. This is what my friend is trying to figure out. She cares for her husband, but is it enough caring to still live together? I am here for here, I support her. I will never speak badly about her husband, as like I said, he's a nice guy. She though us my concern, she knows I will listen, talk it out with her. I have my sister from another mister to shoot thoughts out to, thanks the stars. We all need someone like that.
     Personally ( hey MY blog LOL) I am not sold on one person for life. It would be nice, it would be easier. Love fucks things up like nothing else can. But it is a good meter of a relationship. I love my hubs or trust me, I would not be dealing with half the shit I am now. I'd be in NY, going out, working, traveling more. (I hope so at least) I tell hubs that I am here because I want to be, not because I have to be. He loves me, and I feel he actually needs me. Doesn't that throw the proverbial monkey wrench in. Right now I feel we are worth the effort, if there comes a time when I look at him and feel differently I will let it be known. Is he perfect in every way for me? Nope, enough though that I'm here. That's what I mean. We are still worth it.  Now I'm also not including those relationships where one obviously just seems to go bat shit crazy. Sometimes a person does a complete 360 degree turnaround and you have to get out, for your own sanity.  I'm also not talking about physical or mentally abusive relationships. That's very different. This is just about 2 people choosing to be together?
     Society puts such a shameful view on divorce also. My friend mentioned she would be embarrassed to get a divorce. Why? Nothing to be embarrassed about. I know many divorced folks and they are all better for it. We renew licenses all the time, I think a marriage contract (and it is a contract) should be able to be renewed like every ten years. Want to stay married, okay renew. No? Then divvy things up and move on. So cut and dry you say. Why not. Better than high emotions and ulcers. Children of course is another consideration. They need love and a secure safe foundation to live and thrive. They also feel tension more than us smart adults think they do. So a "happy" divorce can maybe be better than a non happy marriage.  Truthfully, I do not have children so I can't really make any comments on this at all so I won't.
     I got married later in life, I experimented and played beforehand. Not much I didn't try, funny thing is, the things I didn't do, were what others would say, you've never done that? Never too late to learn or do. Lol. I had my share of one night stands, freaky meet ups at a clubs back room. Even a rather large closet at a NY music producers party one time. But as I got older, I was more picky. If I had sex with someone, I felt love for that person. I was true to that person. I am a romantic despite this early morning blog. I admit, I fell a little in love with my partners and several still and always will hold a very special place in my heart.
     To the original question (scroll up, you'll see it hahaha) I don't think we are made to feel special then replaced. I'm going to say we were (ARE) special. In that time we were with whom we needed to be. It's hard to admit it takes two to tango. Not one single soul us to blame. We are all guilty and we are all innocent. We just have to remember that if we at one time were special or made someone feel special, and we still communicate with them. It's perfectly okay to let them know they were and they gave us sweet memories. I've got some good ones boy. {deliciously evil grin}
     So like I left it with my friend, I told her, she is beautiful, strong, stubborn and worth happiness. She's a wonderful mother, and has raised very smart beautiful children, who for their ages, know the deal. ( they live there too) so love them, love herself, remember how she felt when she and hubs were first together and allow the emotions to go where they will.  Not a perfect answer, or even the right one perhaps. But I don't even know if there is a correct answer, surely not one set one.
Here's to love, as I've said before, that roller coaster that majestic you feel thrills and a little sick to your stomach
Ciao For Now