Couldn't Sleep

     Nothing much has really happened, which is why I haven't really written much. I can drone on and  it's bad enough when I have something to say but when I don't? Whoosh ......boring! Lol
      Today is a black moon, second new moon in a month. Time for changes and I think I've felt these changes happening over the last few days.  Mostly good.  I guess one change , very visible on me is that I am once again a redhead. BUT this is a very different red. I like it, kind of sassy. I'm very lucky to have a great hairdresser. Something all women need. I love my blond too. Hard to choose but judging from a pic I posted on Facebook I'm thinking this new color wins. I'm trying to do my best to stand out. To do things that benefit others as well as myself. I'm still trying to draw although I'm not posting anything as it's mainly shapes and forms.  I will again though.
      Life is steady right now, for this I'm thrilled. Friends are fine and love them all. I'm just trying to balance life, and how it actually is and how I want it to be. They are getting closer I'm happy to report. Lol. So see I told you - ramblings.  Talk to me peeps, I know you read these. Any thoughts you want to throw out, questions for me perhaps. Let's make this a give and take. So until next time, ciao for now.

Do we know when?

     There's a saying from the from the gospel of Matthew that says, if the homeowner knew when the thief was coming, he would have stayed home. 😝Yes you can take the girl out of the bible but 12 years of catholic school stays with you no matter what. Lol. Well I'm just asking if you believe we know when our time on earth will be ending. Like we act different or do different things. It's just that I went to see my dad this past weekend and I noticed, on the table next to his chair, was a set of rosary beads. Now most Cathoilic homes gave at least a set or two. I even have the ones I got on my first communion. But Dad has never ever done a rosary. Not at church, not as an usher at church, not when, family dies, never! So imagine my surprise when he told me he has been saying them for a while now. My immediate reaction was suspect to say the least. Then I got sad wondering if he thinks jus time is coming. You see, his father was never sick, just like him. Just didn't wake up one morning. My father has said more than once, that he will be the same. Just odd but if saying the rosary brings him a spence of peace, good for him.
      Was a great weekend. Obviously I saw my dad, but also friends, and as always it was great. Food, spirits and laughs, a trifecta win! One couple there, OMG, one night they heard a pop and go look outside. Seems a live overhead wire had fallen right next to their car. Needles to say their car went up in flames. Gone! So the host of the evening, gave his older car to the couple so they would have a car. See, these are the people I know, wait let me be more specific as I know many people. I should say these are the people I hang out with. Funny and friendly and giving. Makes for a fun time always.
      My happiest moment this weekend was a shock of happiness, when I tried on a pair of slacks in petite length and they fit perfectly. Usually I still have to get them hemmed but these I can wear tomorrow for work and I'm going to! Lol. Woohoo! It's the little things, or in this case, the short things, that make your day sometimes. I told hubby and he said, "are you sure they aren't Capri pants?"  Oh funny funny hubby. Grrrr lol
      Well peeps, I'm going to put the kettle on and get ready to watch Cosmos, so I will say, as always, Ciao For Now.

Happy Tuesday Folks

So there was no snow falling this morning, so that was good. My car finally was able to be driven without fear of skidding, or slipping. I love snow, I have no problem driving in snow, but since I'm going to be selling my car this year, I am sure I'm being a bit over cautious. Yes, I'm normally so even keel. Lol
Well it happened again this weekend, we had Sunday to Monday snow, almost didn't make it to work, but I did. I have no real vacation time to take, so I trudged in around half 12. It was fine that night and today. Tomorrow us already Wednesday. These weeks seem to be going so fast. It's great yet terrible. This month us already half over, I have so much I want to get done. I will, as I'm going into hyper drive soon, but being me, I'm always questioning and wondering. Time to put the blinders on and go!  Like a rolling ball down a hill, I need to gain my momentum. But you see, today wasn't a great day. But it started bad, at about 4am this morning. I woke up and started crying. I had had a terrible dream. I was being hugged and then I died. Has anyone else ever dreamed of your death. Thing is it was weird. No pain, no accident, just a hug by arms that were trying to comfort me and I died. Why, what does it mean. Kind of put a cloud over me all day. Even now I'm a bit misty thinking of it. What is ahead for me? I'm going to take it as a metaphor, in that death is change. Damn it I'm going to make it a positive change too.   Weird I know. But oh well.
   Ciao for now peeps.

One More Time

     Can you hear but? Sound of snow gently falling down, blanketing my area with it white. Once more do we find ourselves in a Sunday to Monday situation. I for one will have to try and make my way in as I can't yes anymore vacation hours.  I need them for England!!  I love snow but wish this started yesterday instead of today.
     I'm almost feeling 100% better. I had a sneezing fit around 2am Saturday morning and wrenched my back. OMG it screwed up my weekend but at least I was able to bake and cook hubby one of his favorite meals. I also realized that  I truly suck at trying to be amusing over text. DOES NOT WORK FOR ME. Lesson driven home yet again. I'm sure in the future I will do it again. It's like a woman forgetting how much pain childbirth can be then goes and has another baby. It's not that I overthink, in theses cases I just don't think. I know sad, but it's happened and I'm doing my best to go forward.
      I am awake now as I went to bed early but hubby is having a bad night. He's not the quiet type when he's had a few. Although he's snoring steady know, so thankfully I should be able to get to sleep. If there us too much snow, il be back in the day tomorrow, if I get into work, I'll catch you all tomorrow night. Ciao for now.

Things That Make You Go Grrrr!!!

     I'm pretty laid back, okay I know some you just muttered "what??" But you must I'm pretty easy going. There are a few things that get me enraged. Cruelty to animals and children are two big ones. Well today the wife of a former co-worker, sent her 6year old child out in this bitter cold weather with no coat, no gloves, no scarf of hat. Seems the boy has a habit of losing them. For us to say a prayer for his cold ass. He also has terrible ADHD, but from other comments I get the feeling comments like she wrote may be a clue as to why. Well she goes on to say through remarks that it was part of her dark humor. REALLY you take a child outside in bitter cold weather, lucky child services isn't knocking down your door. Now where the jackets went, don't know, is this an issue, absolutely. Us this how you handle it? NO!!! I was so upset. Not my business I know, she said the bus stop is in front of the house, but thus doesn't solve the issue. What more other women said yes, tough love. Seriously? I was, and am still so upset by this. Am I over-reacting? I'm asking you all, am I? It's over now and onto new things on good ole Facebook. But damn if it didn't strike a chord with me.
     I'm looking forward to baking this weekend. I'm making Irish Soda Bread. The recipe is one I've been making over 20 years. It was brought over from Ireland by my Grandmothers mother. Bonefide yummy noms. Lol. Been a steady week peeps so not much going on. I'll be back with some rant or boring story I'm sure. So keep an eye out girl it. Lol. Until next time, ciao for now

Sometimes You Need A Jolt

     It's Sunday night and I'm watching a television show called "Cosmos".  Some may laugh and think it's silly, but it fascinates me. Science and space has always made me wonder. I'm a heretic of sorts I suppose. Yet devout in other ways. I have faith that the divine, no matter by what you call it, often has a great laugh at our expense. This world and and all others are part of a greater world. To think we are the only ones in this universe is quite a silly thought. How self centered and elitist we would be to think that. I wonder in that huge universe out there, if we'd be in the cool group of kids or the nerdy outcasts. Just a thought. Lol. I think Neil DeGrassi Tyson is a great choice as the host of the series. He and Michio Kaku are my favorites in the science fipelds  They are personable, like able and, they are not just scientists, they are educators. Both are wonderful at bringing you in and getting you excited about the world around you, because they truly are. I will try to catch all the episodes.
     It's been a good day, a decent weekend actually. Saturday was beautiful. We hit 62 degrees F. Got the car washed and I cleaned the inside. Today was nice, good afternoon and dinner turned out very well. I've been more diligent with food and I've been counting calories, keeping to no more than 1200 calories a day. I'm not working out and have yet another, hopefully my last, doctor appointment later this week. I do feel better even though I get winded easy still, it's better than it was. So I am hopeful that I am in the last stages of whatever the hell hung on.
     Not much to talk about, nothing has riled me up, it's been pretty status  quo as of late. So I will just say hope everyone has been having a calm time.  Have a great Monday and ciao for now 😀

Very Sinple

     As I go to sleep tonight in my warm bed. I am thinking how lucky I am. My friends my family I love them so. So all I ask for is that those outside man woman and animals please be able to find shelter from this bitte cold. Give them some warmth as our temps fall to -4F. I wish I could do more than pray for them but I know the Goddess hears and does what's possible. Not everyone will get but perhaps it's meant that way. Helps us be truly grateful for the ability to earn what we have. That's tonight. Ciao For Now.

Early Morning Thoughts and Musings

     I know I don't post as often as I used to, but then again sometimes life just gets in the way of a good time. LOL. It's early Sunday morning and I'm in the kitchen area of a residence inn that is more like a small condo or flat! It's quite comfy, not high brow by any means, but it has it's own basic charm. It really has everything you need, and in a very strange way, it's teaching me something. It started out all because our water heater died, then black mold was found and before you knew it, the hubs rather enjoyed getting away from the house. I'm not sure why really, I can only assume, and we all know that never works as we figure. I'm not complaining as the bed here is so very comfortable. (We are in dire need of a new one) This is a Marriot, so it would follow that it must maintain at least some extras to live up to the name. It's not a budget place, but not 5 star either. Kind of like me. Hahaha. What I'm learning is that although I adore the finer things in life, and have been treated to several through the generosity of people, I am realizing that in life, you need to sort out the basic things before you can add on the luxuries. I'm doing fine here on weekends, cooking up a storm. We freeze the meals so that during the week when I'm at work all hubs has to do is thaw something and steam some fresh veg, and there you have it. A real meal, not some fast food . I have basic cookware here. Not my fancy all-clad pans and sauciers. I can make my way around any kitchen really. But getting back to my point. (Gods, but don't I go off?) I'm taking care of basics so I can enjoy the perks. First and formost is my health. Unfortunately the year started in hospital with pneumonia. It never truly left me. So as I'm typing this I still am on medication for the damn thing. Apparently I still have fluid in my lungs. Praying this is not becoming chronic, although I think I'm being a bit of an alarmist there. It's just so frustrating!! I'm on a steroid inhaler at the moment, and holy shit, the list of possible side effects makes the shortness of breath seem more favorable. But I do fell better when using it. I was on antibiotics but they are done now. I have yet another doctor appointment next week. There are a few things that are bothering me. Basics remember 😀 For me one big one is that I'm being told I can't go to the gym, as I am so short of breath. I hate this, HATE THIS! I must move as this staying still is not helping my losing weight. The other thing is I feel like an invalid. Hubs has been taking me into work bless him. Reason being, that in order to park close enough that I won't collapse before I reach the entrance to work, I have to get there an hour and a half early. The parking lot fills up fast. I had no trouble parking away from the building, as a matter of fact, I was doing it on purpose ( more walking) but as of late, if I'm too far, I start to sound like Darth Vader with a cold.
I know I'm going all over the place but bear with me, the thoughts are just coming and I'm only being the conduit here. ACK, RUN!! Lol
     Thing is I don't know why I'm here, in this place, that for some reason, I am redecorating in my head. Oh yeah, I am! I can see this being a very cute place for someone. You know when I look at houses, the first thing I think of is where will the Christmas tree go. I'm daft, what can I tell you. LMFAO
     A friend posted a video of her dad, and I was mesmerized at what I was watching. I enjoyed it because it was so freeing. It made me think of when I did community theater and all the dancing I did in them. I loved the movement. The human body is so fluid, and moves so well. We often tend to squelch the impulses to move, but why? It's wonderful to be expressive, through dance, or singing, or anything really. We were not made to sit in little cubicles all day, yet we do. Well I do, and I take my breaks and put in my headphones and listen to music, a bit of freedom even if it's only in my mind. I did a free style dance when I was in the play "Hair", I danced the "Shapoopie" in "The Music Man" and countless other plays, the highlight of course was Godspell whee our version was more like DANCESPELL. Shook my groove thing on that one I tell you! I want to get that me back. Does that make sense? The girl who moves, the free spirit. She is returning slowly and I like her. She's an odd duck though but in a good way. She is too oversexed perhaps, hahaha, it's not her only thought, but when she likes something she wants to have no boundaries. She hates mundane, yet yields to it, as we all must, in order to earn the fun times. I'm going to say this, I almost put this as a Facebook status, but decided not to. " As much as I love clothes, and getting all dressed up, naked feels fabulous!" BWAHAHA, told you, odd!
      I'm also very grateful for every fucking thing I have. Not as much as some, but more than many. I'm blessed with a loving family, and super fabulous friends. I also have friends I haven't met yet across the Atlantic. You know, ( and my only mention of England ON THIS BLOG TODAY LOL) going to England has been a lifelong dream for me, and I am humbled to know that I have people over there who are not only turning their life a bit topsy tuvey for me, but those I haven't even met yet are making me feel welcome. WOW!!  To quote Maria from The Sound Of Music: "Somewhere in my youth, or childhood, I must have done something good!"
      Off the chart morning rambling today but hey, it's half 6 in the morning and I've been up a little over 2 hours. So just roll with it peeps.  I think I'm to make the first of I'm sure several cups of tea. Love my Yorkie Gold. 😚. So I'm going to say once more, Ciao For Now.

Talk About Gold Turning To Crap (Somewhat)

     So, today started good enough. I can't find my words tonight. I'm happy that I got my time approved for my trip to England, but I found out that a friends mom died. I'm thrilled a friend is branching out and moving forward, I'm so sad that I also found that a girl I went to school with suddenly died,  too soon!!  I'm tongue tied. I feel that I'm not the same to those I care about. Like I'm fading, I know it's my mind but I'm scared. I'm anxious, nervous as fuck. I'm also giddy, I'm happy but I miss the excitement of the summer. Things have settled nicely, a nice change but damn I want more, I'm not able to do more right now. My lungs are still full, not as bad as before but bad! I'm not allowed to do as much as I want. I need to go to the gym. It's not an option for me. I'm not thrilled to be ill. I feel my body is betraying me. Gah!!!! I miss NY also. Thus weather has prevented me from driving up. Peeps I'm going to bed. But I'll be back tomorrow - promise. Ciao for now

New One Coming

Sorry all, busy weekend doing nothing. Lol well some things. I will write a new blog tonight so check back and until then.  Ciao for now

One Hell Of A Town

     I'm quite sure that my views are not surprising. But I can promise they are unique, to me at least. Yet they are part of a huge network, a kind of unity that comes from knowing the experience of New York. You just don't live there, it seeps into your blood. You run on it's energy. When she suffers, we all feel it. I know you are saying, but every big city is like that. Perhaps, you are right. But I've lived in Hollywood, and now I'm right near Washington DC. Two huge cities, but although I will admit to certain "big city" similarities, they do not feel the same.
Hollywood was lonely. I walked those streets and it felt sheltered. As if to say, you are not from here, and you can live here if you want, but your an outsider! I certainly felt that way there. I admit that San Francisco felt more welcoming to me. I would definitely live up the coast if I lived in CA.
Now DC, seems a bit closer to NY. More squeezed together. Kind of like Disneyland as opposed to Disneyworld. The different areas of the city seem more compact. DC is not a big city, not in my opinion anyway. The people seem a bit similar to NY. And they welcome you in.
Which brings us to my original topic, New York. Let me introduce you to New York. I guess my first thoughts go to Brooklyn and Queens. Brooklyn is where I was born, so that already makes it amazing. Lol but really though, there is a family feeling there. Homes with families that sometimes have 3 generations living in the same place. Queens, is similar. Both places where you can take bus rides to get any ethnic food product. Queens was home, allying with Brooklyn in family for me. 40X100 plots of property, one or a rare two car garage. A backyard to play in and have weekend cookouts. Basketball hoops hanging over the garage door. I knew every kid on my street, I am still friends with lots of them. I'm going to fast forward to Manhattan, aka "The City"! Although NYC is comprised of 5 boroughs, Manhattan has gained this moniker. Ah NYC. How do I love thee? Well it's a love/sometimes hate relationship. Of course the trains can be so crowded and so sweaty. The taxi drivers seem to have trained as kamikaze pilots. But these pale when you experience the wonder the city has to offer. Now every part of the city has something to offer. Downtown has a funky vibe. I did The Rocky Horror Picture there on Fridays & Saturdays at midnight. It was fun. I went to clubs like Limelight and Danceteria. I loved Magique, which was The Tunnel prior to that. We danced till dawn. I even went to several launch parties for groups that I have no idea whatever happened to them. lol there was champagne flowing , lines on every available mirror and herbal scents in the air.
Midtown has working groups with awesome restaurants inside their buildings. Fun hide-a-ways to go have after hour drinks. Then the theater district that us awake 24 hours. Uptown where the beautiful people live. Woven in between the gilded wonder you find the taboo offerings. The swing clubs, the no tell motels, the underground rumble of the city. I've partied here as well and was never disappointed. But let me tell you of a favorite place. Well actually a memory that I will try to explain. If you go towards Columbus Circle, make a left, head uptown to the 70's. 72nd street you will find an entrance to Central Park. As you walk into the park, like magic, the sound fades away. It's surreal. You hear no sounds, of cars, or the rush of people moving about. It's like you are transported back to a more gentle time. It's very serene. Now I can spend hours there, and have. The park wraps around you like a comfortable blanket. I gave spent many a fabulous weekend here. But to me, for some odd reason. I love the city when it rains. The streets shine, and it just lends an entire dimension to the experience. Running across the street into a corner diner. Watch the rain fall as you have another cup of coffee. If you are sharing that coffee with a friend or lover, then that diner, becomes YOUR diner. It's now a secure haven in the bustling city. I guess you really can't explain it, unless you've experienced it. The people are weird, funny, great looking, sometimes nasty, but NY is home.
     I'm sure you are all saying, I know what you mean, but it's not NY, it's ....it's a place we all know, and I tell you. If you can, go visit. Some magical things happen there. I know this personally.
     Peeps it's been a day, I went to the doctors today. Seems that my pneumonia is still hanging on. I have to have another X-Ray done. I am on antibiotics now. I got an inhaler that contains this steroid that the commercial scares me so I'm calling the Dr. back tomorrow. I hate this so much. But I'm at work tomorrow so I can interact with others. Looking forward to it.
     Well until tomorrow peeps, as usual, Ciao For Now.

She Has A Pencil

   Let the jokes start. The first ones are from me directly. I just decided to actually try to make drawings like the ones I admire my friends doing. Oh I am no where near them. I wear one. He is a top notch artist, I think so anyway. His children are too. I can't gold a candle to them, but that's not going to stop me from trying. Even hubs can draw a little. I want to learn to draw. I am looking into possibly taking classes at the rec center too. Oh I posted a couple of pics and if any of you are on my Facebook page, go have a look. You will be crying. I gave a face I do. Hubs says "Thunderbirds, another friend said Peter Burns. Lol I like to doodle but I would love to put original images on my cards.
    Oh we are expecting another 3" of snow overnight and ending the day with 50F by end of day. Sheesh. I must get out. I swear, drinking and being sequestered is not good for my waistline. I went grocery shopping this afternoon, and restock all healthy foods for work thus week. It's back to taking care of me. I have to. I'm the only one who will 100%. It's no ones responsibility but mine.
    Bit antsy tonight, so I'm going to have a nice warm cup of tea and head to bed. So I will say ciao for now. 😎

Well Hello Snowbunnies

     Sunday evening, Valentine's weekend is over, kind of.  We have off tomorrow as well for Presidents' Day. It's honoring Presidents Washington and Lincoln. When I was a child we had two separate holidays. Was great, we had two days off from school, now we tend to celebrate holidays on the closest Mondays. Usually by now you can feel a tinge of Spring that will be arriving soon. These past few days we have been under snow storms. By me we got about 16 inches, my manager, who lives more near the mountains, got about 2 feet!  I was on the snow team at work and got put up in a hotel. Was fun, would have been better if I didn't have a roommate. I can snore, but OMG, I thought I was going to fall out of bed. We had late nights though,  it was fun to party in the room with the other snow team peeps. I must say though I am glad to be off the team now as it looks like no more snow. Our director kind of put me in charge. I handled the corporate credit card, did the expense reports too on Friday afternoon. Interesting.
     So now I'm in yet another hotel, but this time I am with the hubs for actual Valentines fun. You know he went over to the hotel I was at and dug my car out from under the snow. I had no idea he was going to do that. I was so surprised. He kept saying how sorry he was that he didn't get me a gift or flowers but doing that meant so much. Love is not always these grand gestures. It's the fact that someone thought of you and acted on that. I am lucky to have him and I am so happy to say that my friends have done similar and I try to do the same for them. Love is a broad spectrum word, I live my husband and I love my friends. The feeling is as deep for each but just a different ending. Lol I love love, I say it way too often, this I know but I am sincere.  
     Well had a long talk with hubs tonight and told him I so hope that the people in England like me. He replied, just talk them to death. Thanks much there hubs! I am hitting the gym on Tuesday morning and have an appointment Saturday with the trainer to work out a new routine for me. Taking into consideration I'm back a few pegs sine I had pneumonia. I lost a bit of stamina but it will come back. So excited, I am booking a room tomorrow. It looks awesome. Oh I was told we will be seeing special parts of the Tower Of London, and other fun things. The  hotel looks just fabulous. Friends in town, then a cool hotel in the city. This is getting more and more exciting. I will build my stamina up for sure. I plan on walking right along with them there locals.  Lol
     I'm about to load the dishwasher, and clean the kitchen and be a good wifey. So until next time peeps. Ciao For Now .

Just a quick word.

     I just read a few of my posts and omg between being half asleep while writing them and hitting wrong keys plus fuckin auto correct. I applaud those of you who can understand what I'm saying. Lmao I really do know how to read and write English I promise. Lol next blog will be spelling perfection. Just look and see. Ciao for now

Just So Sad

     Today has been a crazy day at work. Not a bad one just crazed. I was actually in tears with a woman who recently list her husband and she started to cry, I was trying to help her get a tax return even though we had no proof she was his beneficiary. She got overwhelmed and started to cry,mine was trying to soothe her while I felt myself getting weepy. Then she called out to her husband asking him why he had to leave her alone and omg I felt tears on my cheek. After almost an hour and a gal few finally found his beneficiary firm bad thereby allowing us to send her his W2. Huzzah! The day was steady busy but that was the only real glitch. I came home, relaxed and felt much better.
     Then a friend of mine called me to say that her husbands father committed suicide this morning. He left a note and from all reports planned it pretty carefully. They are devastated of course. I was shocked when she told me. The poor man, he thought he had no way out, no where to go. His pain ended, the families just beginning.
     What goes on in people's minds we will never know, we all have grief, and stress. We all gave things to deal with. But you could know someone 50 years and there will still be that secret part of them that only they know about. That little part of us we keep to ourselves.  I am so saddened for my friends, I wish I had something profound to say, to make it make sense. Of course I don't, so all I can do is keep a strong shoulder fir them should they need it.  Peeps it's almost 3 am. I fell asleep earlier and I just woke up a few moments ago. I wanted to put thus up. Not or any shock value, but because to remind us yet again, tell those you love and care about how you feel. You may not get that "I'll do it tomorrow" chance. And a kind word may just change a negative thought to a happy one.  Ciao for now.

Strange Days Indeed Mama!

     Not really strange, oh what's the word I'm looking for? Oh yes, SUCKY!! SUCKY SUCKY SUCKY!!! I have no issues with getting told I did something wrong, as a matter of fact I pride myself  in being able to to take positive criticism with grace. BUT when you get trained with bare basic information, and it's late and those who can answer your questions are gone, you turn to a, for lack of a better word, a lead. He works with the issue I was having, so I asked. He had no clue, told me to open a ticket. So I did and today I get called over and had to explain why. So I get told no don't  look here, look here. I said I did that and by what had come up it looked like a change had been made already. But no, I was made to feel small. What irks me is that it was her lead who told me to do the damn ticket because he didn't know. On it's own no big deal, but people are still calling in irate about that issue I mentioned a few days back. I really hate that I had to backtrack in my career. But I needed money, I have to earn money. I am not a bum expecting handouts. Oh it just gets me frustrated sometimes. I start to doubt myself in all manners. Ridiculous I know, but hey...😀 I have a lot to offer but sometimes I feel so wasted.
      Well I am happy as I'm going to look at the availability of who may have the car I'm interested in. I was thinking of a red one, but a friend made a good point to me and I want one in white. I like black too but white us my main choice. If I can find one at the payments I want, well my butt may be making a new print on a new drivers seat. I'll let you know.
      I was hoping to get to NY this weekend but the weather is supposed to be bad and snowy. I guess I'll see him in the Spring thaw. Lol aw peeps I've indulged in something I haven't in awhile and I'm going to sign off before munchies start. Hehehe.  So until tomorrow, ciao for now.

Not Tonight Dear

I do kind of have a headache. Lmao. Just have been dozing for about an hour or so and don't think I can stay awake. Just a very draining day.  So getting sleep good brekky in the morning and smack on the butt to start the morning. So until tomorrow, I say ciao for now 💋

Fighting Our Demons

     When we were young, we all thought about monsters under the bed, or in the closet. To this day, I will not go to bed with my feet out from under the covers. These demons were kept at bay, by our Mothers and Father's. As we "grow up" the demons change, and Mom and Dad aren't there to help us.  Today an actor died, he was pretty much a contemporary. He was under 50 and he died from an heroines overdose, so the early reports are saying.  He has a long relationship with heroine, but he was clean for years he said.  He leave his live in partner and their 3 young children. So she lost her mate and the kids lost their dad. His demons won, but why? What happened to him that made him give in to them. He wasn't shy about his addiction, I remember reading about it about a year ago. He went into re-hab, was trying. It makes me so sad, he was so talented. But in truth it also scares the hell out of me. Why you ask? Easy, I must face my demons every day as well. My demons are different, I don't have a drug issue. I have sweets and carbs issues. I'm working on them, but damn I could die from these as well. That sounds harsh, but the reality is there. But I am doing my damdest to reverse it before any major damage is caused. I already walk better but have a way to go. I want to be able to do the circuit over and over. I want to run across the street instead of power walking. Lol I will get there but scary times. To think of how our demons can overtake us at any point. Makes you shudder a little.
      I'm going to give myself a facial my friends so I am off to do that. Until next time, keep your demo a at bay and ciao for now.

Sunday Special

     It's been a brutal few days at work. More times than not,  my thoughts this week have been " I don't get paid enough to handle this shit!"   Seriously, I got so upset this week, I could feel tears forming. Not from sadness but from anger. People just felt it was their right to belittle me, the company, our policies all because they did not go into open enrollment. They did not see the new  attestations there, therefore they did not fill them out, and subsequently are paying money they had no idea they had to pay. I was threatened today, that they would speak with my manager since I couldn't give them an answer. I gave them an answer they didn't like. I wish they spoke to my manager, they would have hated her answer even more. Her and I had a great chat after one particular woman, who called not once, not twice, but three times in one day. Wasn't it Einstein who said, doing the same thing and expecting a different response is crazy? Well something like that. Well she was. Oh I love my manager, we chatted over lunch salads. It's so odd in one year, how things change. I was semi on her level a year ago, as a supervisor in the same company as I am in now. I am now just a phone customer rep. I am back to being tethered to a phone, my freedoms of private calls and my own time are now gone. It's all good I suppose. I am working, I do like the people I work with. I just hate being so monitored. Not that I don't do work, I'm a damn good worker, but it's days like the past few that I truly wish I had my supervisor position back so I could be a bit more forceful in my tone with these people calling in. See to them I am nobody, I am their scapegoat. It's par for the course but occasionally it just gets to you. Especially when you spend a half hour on the phone with a person making almost 300,000 a year and you figure out what they can't. For the most part, they are happy with you for helping them, but damn, it says something that I have enough of a brain to figure out something I know only a little about, before they, who supposedly are trained and have degrees can. You know I just realized, Sunday will be one year that I was laid off from that position. There is no middle management any longer in the division I work in. Happy Anniversary to me, but I am working, with benefits, so it could be worse, much worse. I do appreciate what I have.
      That's the key though, appreciate what you have, because at anytime it all can be gone. I don't have tons of cash, and I buy generic sometimes, but I have a home, a loving husband, dear friends, those in my life who I trust WITH my life.  I have tasted exquisite though, enjoyed finer things, been to the theater, museums, sprayed my wrist with expensive perfumes. I treasure all of those experiences, I remember every iota. I often sit and remind myself that those times were treasured gifts given to me by those I love, those that wanted to show their love and caring with me, then I look around, life is then so beautiful. My life and loves are good, and I appreciate all the extras so much my heart could burst. No I'm not going to start singing " What a wonderful world" lmao but it is wonderful, even with the daily bullshit that can make you forget sometimes.
      Ah Sunday is a big day, no not my anniversary of being made redundant, but because it's , Imbolc. Or Candlemas, and yes even Groundhogs Day heehee. As a Wiccan I will celebrate the return of the sun. Looking through the snow to what lies underneath. The earth getting ready for Spring. Even though it seems far away, it will be here soon. I have seen it already. Where it was so dark when I left work in these past few months, lately I've noticed a glimmer of light in the west, as if the daylight is holding on just a tad longer.  Sunday I will light candles and make offerings to Bridgid, Goddess of the hearth. Nurturer, who feeds us from her cauldron. In ancient times people would use this feast to make their candles for the year. It's a tine of illumination. After twilight, when it's dark, turn on lights in every room of the house. Even for a few minutes, while the house is all aglow, imagine the warmth returning, the warmth of your home itself and the warmth of those you love. Let it all warm you from inside out. I will make cinnamon rolls, cinnamon being one of the spices to eat on this sabbath. Spicy foods and curries work well too. Peppers, onions, garlic, wake up your mouth. So a spicy stir fry will be dinner for this witch Sunday night. I made myself an oath to be better at following my path. This is where the Goddess is most forgiving. I need no confessions, no sacrifices to prove I mean it. Just the desire in my heart to be better and remember her in all I do. Nature doesn't excommunicate you, as each step outside is constant renewal of faith, and every breath of air is a baptism.
      Oh I do go on don't I? I am passionate about it I suppose, and when I care about something, I don't do it small. ( much to the sometimes pained smiles of close friends lol)
       I gave bitched, moaned, complained, felt melancholy, been joyful and been a bit mental in this blog so I think I will call it a night. 😊. I will write more in the days to come. I just haven't been myself getting over this stupid pneumonia, but I am headed to the gym tomorrow evening after work to (slowly) get back on track. So I say goodnight, and as always, ciao for now. 😚

I Feel A Weekend Coming On

     And it can't come soon enough. The week has been busy with a capital B, up to eyeballs busy with nary a moment to breathe between calls. Of course I'm still having trouble breathing to begin with. Lol
Hubs actually took me to my hairdresser appointment so I would have less to walk. I think I may have told my hairdresser the wrong thing about my hair, I needed the cut and she did exactly what I said but I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep it looking BoHo chic. It's blonde, it's short it's a bob style. Just not 100% on it. Ah it's hair, it grows, I will survive. She always makes it look great. I love her to pieces.  Tonight since my appointment was late, it was just her & I in the shop. So she's sweeping up something and let's out a yell. I turn and there's my husband making stupid faces in the window. She didn't expect anyone and he scared the bejesus out of her. Lol  he came inside and we all chatted. He left to go wait in the car for me, but it was a nice change to see him be social. Of course at the moment he's scratching like crazy and keeping me up. Hence the midnight blog. My eyes look dead, I'm not getting any sleep.  It's crazy.
     Well I am flattered, I have a follower on Instagram who is sending nice messages to me. He has a good eye and I like his pictures very much. Not sure where he is from in Europe but it's Europe, so, cool!! Nice looking too, hey I'm human. Everyone likes to look at pretty things.  I admit I get jealous though, can't help it. Nothing I can do about it except deal with my issue, but I guess I don't share well with others in some aspects of life. 😉
     Took a silly poll on Facebook tonight. Which Star Wars character are you? I got Princess Leia. Surprising but okay. One friend got C3PO. He liked that and another got Chewbacca. I teased him that he normally doesn't like animal stuff on Facebook and here he is one. Lol
      I'm going to go peeps, I need to sleep. Lots of sleep. So I'll see you all tomorrow. Ciao for now