Yes AND No

     Well today I had my first physical interview. I was a bit nervous I admit, it's been a long time since I had to interview. It went well and I had a nice talk with the lady at the agency. I am going back on Friday as she wants me to do some tests on Word, etc.  (Practice all day tomorrow LOL)   I also got another rejection notice, but it came later this afternoon and I had already comes to term with many things, so I handled it much better than my first one.
     Oh peeps let me tell you, last night I had a breakdown, tried and true get the men in the white coats. I just started to cry, I mean I was sobbing, my poor husband was just sitting next to me looking at me like a flag or something would pop up to explain why I was crying so hard. He asked me what was wrong and I couldn't even get words out. This lasted about 15 minutes and when I finally caught my breath I just said that I felt like a failure. I couldn't find a job, I was eating badly and not going to the gym like I should. He told me I needed to calm down, but he didn't get it. He's not going through any of this.  he made me a cup of tea and I calmed down and was able to get a grasp on the situation.  Really poor man wanted to help me, but I leaned into him and drank my tea. Him just holding me felt good and helped to calm me a lot. To me it really steamed from not eating as I should.  During the night, I was getting the worst pains in my sides. To the point that I pretty much woke up almost every hour. Felt better after a hot shower this morning. We need a new bed in the worst way and I know this is part of the reason for the aches.  Well this morning I was able to out into words my feelings on another site. A friend wrote to me to let me know a little on complex carbs and basically told me its okay, that we all falter & it's okay to slip. It made me feel better and then another lady wrote me that she can understand what I was going through.  I know I am not special with this but it surprised even me at how I broke down. Thank the gods for family and friends. 
     To look at this room it seems so normal. Cat is sleeping on my bunched up blanket. Hubs is on his Ipad playing Candy Crush Saga and I am here on the laptop, the TV is on in the background. Tea is next to me on my night table, it's Lady Grey from Twinings. A gift that I am savoring. Yep pretty basic night. Not very exciting but after my craziness last night, I want a little boring. 
     Oh it's pretty much past, crisis averted. I am gym bound tomorrow and ready to sweat. I have an appointment with a trainer again for Saturday. I was back on track eating today so I was very happy with that. I really am a very fun,  I'm just off kilter. It's odd, I've always thought myself a go with the flow kind of gal and I am but I like a solid base under it I guess LOL  
    I need a night of wild dancing and some alcohol  hahaha and a few of my gal pals here are wanting the same so all I can say is look out PA.  I may get me a shiny new blouse to wear on the dance floor...woohoo!!  So true how things can change, night and day on how I felt this morning to the way I feel now. We all have ups and downs, we have moods and thank you for letting me vent it to you all.  So tomorrow I will post having been all sweaty from a great work out :-D  Ciao For Now

Interview Tomorrow (Wednesday)

 Wish me luck.  I am actually not doing a blog as I need to try and sleep. Hope its better thank last night. Was awake from 2:30Am until 5AM. YUCK  So I need to sleep, full report tomorrow among some other thoughts. Until then Ciao For Now

Twatwaddle

     Well that got your attention! LOL  I feel like one as of late. I am a bit under the weather at the moment, nothing horrible, but I feel so unmotivated to do anything. I was on the phone with Unemployment this morning and they informed me that my old company has yet to send them paperwork that I am no longer working there. This has put a red flag up on my files so they are not sending me any payments yet. Good thing I have received my severance pay for now.   You know I always went from one job to the next, that was not the case on the last job I had. I was out of work almost a year before I had gotten it, and I had forgotten how much having a job, being able to be productive, to give my expertise to others, is so intertwined with your self worth, how you feel about yourself. One of my co-workers who was also made redundant when I was, just got a job, he started today. I am both thrilled for him and jealous that I didn't get a job so soon.
   Perhaps it's because I AM a bit thin skinned right now, but I came across a post in facebook that addresses the millions of women who have had a miscarriage. Correct that, the women and men, entire families this touches. I am a part of this, as most of you who have read my blogs know, along with the uterine cancer. I felt like I had betrayed my own self when it happened. I couldn't even do something so natural as have a baby, what was wrong with me!? It took some time to realize there was nothing wrong with me. I have had my moments over the years where I get teary or wistful of what may have been, but yesterday OMG I went full sobbing over this statue. It touched me that someone actually was able to put the way I've felt into a piece of beautiful art. I posted it and it was shared by several of my friends. I know that things happen for a reason and my personal experience was indeed, in later years, shown to prove that statement correct. But thank you to the sculptor who did this. Here is a photo of the statue: It's called “The Child Who Was Never Born” by Martin Hudáčeka located in Slovakia

The way the child is see through just got to me, I still am getting choked up looking at it. 
      The other thing that made me cry (being cheeky) was watching Seth MacFarlane hosting the 85th Oscars. LOL He was not very good, his material was weak and so was the presentation. He is wonderful in what he does though, he does Family Guy voices, he writes movies and does the voices there also, (watch Ted and Paul) but this was not a good outlet for him. He can sing too, I didn't know that :-) He also looks like Peter Brady grown up (cute) :-) The highlight for me though, was Adele singing Skyfall, I love her, she is a major crush for me, oh yeah!! She is so tall too, 5'9", never knew that. Having watched the BAFTAS last week on BBC America, both hubby and I agree they did it better. Come on America, step up!!
    Well for me that's my boring blog today, hope your day (or night) is great. Ciao For Now

So As. it Happens

     I know I haven't been around the last few days. I've been under the weather and basically playing Candy Crush Saga  and messaging people on Facebook. I have a doctor appointment later this afternoon at 3.  Just wanted to check in.  Thanks Russia, you guys have not missed one day on my blogs and its much appreciate. So I may be back later as its only 2:30 in the morning here. So until next time,  ciao for now

Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Get $200

     Well here we are headed towards the witching hour. I always wondered why it was called that, as this witch loves her sleep. lol  
      If yesterday was the "horny" day, today was "rollercoaster" day. Emotions went up early on, then down, they really down, then leveled off. Morning was good but busy. Always a dash when I leave NY. Made Dad pancakes for breaky, all was well, but then a package I ordered for a friend finally showed up and he got very annoyed for some reason. Said why did I have it sent there. It was supposed to have been there prior to today, it's a gift for my friend, for her new Condo. Of course it gets out of hand and I leave upset. I don't like that. It's so hard to put in my head that he is not used to living with anyone anymore. having his fridge and pantry stocked with everyday staples, getting parcels delivered. I try to remember this but, it irks me some times, I can be faulted with getting annoyed myself, but I try never to raise my voice, he is my dad BUT I also resent being treated like my opinion doesn't matter. Which he does. When we talk to the neighbor and I say something profound, for lack of another word, he looks surprised. Come on dad, you spent that money to send me to a private prep school. It didn't just go in one ear out the other. My impulsive nature has a hard time being "low key" so we argued. Then a friend called which calmed me down as I started the drive home. I called dad and told him how I felt and that I don't like leaving on a bad note. He actually apologized, we are fine now, but I never want to leave that way. Heaven forbid something tragic happens, I don't want our last time to be an angry one. Bad enough I can say with 98% accuracy that when the time does come, I will not be there, which saddens me to tears.
     So good to bad, got worse. As I'm driving home, I stop for fuel for the car AND me. I got a hotdog. It was all beef, a Nathans hot dog. Was so long since I'd had one, it tasted extra good. Then I notice this creeper dude watching me eat it. It was such a seedy look he had on his face, I actually left the spot I was in to move to another. Freaky for sure! So I check my email and I got one from the job I had applied for. It said after looking at my resume, they were going to go another way. Wow my first rejection in the job search. It brought back memories from 5 years ago, and the feeling I felt at that moment reminded me of how badly it could hurt. I admit a few tears fell down my cheeks but quiet ones, a sadness that stayed with me the rest of the drive home. Then I went to go get our dinner. I preface this with my coat has a fluffy collar and cuffs, so I walk into the restaurant and this little boy sees me and yells out, It's fluffy! I smile at him and brush past to go to the bathroom. he reached out to my coat, his mother tells him no. I stop and ask if he want to touch my coat, he nods yes. So I hold my arm out and he "pets" the end of my sleeves, then start to giggle as only a small child can. I made me laugh. Bless this little guy, he made me feel better. I am fine now and know I will get something and that was the first in a possible many of rejections I will get. So deep breath and soldier on. All will right itself in the end. So here I am, hubby and cat are both snoring, I'm blogging, enjoying a cup of tea, and just so happy to be home with both of them. Good night peeps, until we meet again, I say Ciao For Now

Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat

     NO your fat makes you look fat, and you know what? That is okay. It's who you are, if you had bones coming through your skin and that's just your natural state, then okay. We are who we are and yet people still judge us, without looking in their own mirrors. I am at the point where I will say fuck you but my inner young girl still cry's like a baby. But I'm not a child, I can fight my battles but I do need help on occasion. It's not needy. It's more validation that I am not wrong, and that I AM funny, pretty, sexy, and AS funny, pretty, sexy as all the other ladies who catch people's eyes for whatever reason. Bigger tits, more open about posing nudes on websites? I'm not sure why. I have this hang issue. It's skin that actually, when I was heavier looked better! It hinders me, I can't make a saucy video for those special eyes as everything seems hidden by this curtain of now saggy skin. It annoys the crap out of me. I have seen women bigger than me, and they don't have this. WHY DO I?? Doesn't help that I have arms the length of a T-Rex!! Today I felt sexy for at least a few hours, then the day progressed and here I am complaining about fat skin. When that special person heads south and parts the curtain of mystery and delight (well that's what I'm calling it!) I am inclined to sing the theme from Raiders Of The Lost Ark, you know "Tatadumtummmm Daaadada, Tatadumbtuuuum Daaaadadaaadaaadaaaa" I'm silly I know. But I have learned that sex is fun and as long as the person I'm with is into me, I am not ever going to hold back, nope not anymore. I am only held back by my own fears and I don't care if we end up in a friggin emergency room, at least we'll have a great story to tell the Dr.
     Yes it was a horny day, but tomorrow I go back to NY - and it's a new dawn, it's a new day! Now if you will excuse me, I'm off to take a shower. Ciao For Now

This coming Wednesday

I will be posting a new blog! I am in New York right now and been going to bed late and doing something every night and Day it seems. Having really nice time though. So I will be home Wednesday and will start my proper blogging. Please hang in there. I'll be back

Love Love Love

     It's been said All You Need Is Love, and we do. It's been proven that babies who are cuddled and shown love develop better and stronger than those left alone. The need for touch is so important. A hug can help where words fail! Love is so strong that in the most horrific twist if the emotion, people have even killed in its name. But today we celebrate the gentle living touch and the animalistic urges of the word. Lol.
     I love love, I love my friends, I love my family, I love my husband and more recently I have come to love myself. That was the hardest one but with the help of the ones I love, I did it.  :-D.  So on this short blog I will wish you all a very Happy Valentines Day, wether it be candy and flowers, jewelry, special dinner, or  mask and handcuffs, enjoy your day with your special someone.  X

Size Does Count (when counting calories)

     Well I got a friends request today on Facebook from someone I had never seen. So I went to his page to see if maybe he knows some one that I do, nope not the case. The odd thing is that he follows me. I didn't know you could follow someone who is not a famous person, but hey I can't blame the man right? LMAO Now onto what I really want to talk about.
     Oh friends, lets talk about weight scams, well not really scams, but misleading information. There is a new bar called Slimful. They have this girl telling you that if you feel hungry just eat one of these bars and drink a glass of water. You will eat less and feel full. Water will do that anyway. I looked up this bar and the first ingredient is corn syrup, then sugar. This bar is to help you feel full yet it has only 2 grams of fiber. Really?? These are not healthy.  And while I am on this topic, what has happened to the Sports bars or the Quaker Oat bars, etc. They are now filled with caramel & chocolate. Or Chocolate and peanut butter, WHAT THE HELL?? You might as well just eat a freakin' candy bar. I don't know what is happening in America. I think it's all planned by the food industry and the health industry combined. Think about it. You see all these videos and tapes and exercise machines to work off extra weight, that the fast food chains offer you.  Twofer deals and even restaurants are upping the "all you can eat" deals. So with all these fabulous food offers you eat yourself in to a coma and then one day you can't tie your shoes. I still believe velcro was invented by some fat guy who just couldn't reach to make a knot so he said fuck it, this just sticks to itself.  Then you have (and what many of my sneakers had) is the fat person bow. It's knot is off to the side since you tend to always put your leg up on the bed then reach over and make your bow. It looks kind of like this, see the knot is off to the side:

I am in no way making fun of this, or the folks who have their bows like this, as I said if you look at my Nike's you will find that same bow. Although I have gotten better at getting the knot in the middle. I call it Malcom BWAHAHAHA
     You know how it is for us larger ladies, lots of huffing and puffing, sweating and moaning, and that was just putting on my leotard! ;-D  I need to joke, as I often do feel like this when I am at the gym. I do sweat, come on, I'm moving a saucy, sexy body of substance. I am quite aware of how silly I must look, but no one notices, because none of them look their best either. That's the beauty of it, short, tall, thin, fat, we are all there to look silly and sweat like pigs. Problem is that some of these ladies are just doing it so they will be accepted by society, or friends or worse, their partners. I am doing it to be fit, I do not want to weigh what I did when I was 16, well actually in my case yes I do - HAHA, but you know what I mean. It makes me feel better being in an all women's gym as well, I still am self conscious of how I look while doing my routine. (Note to self,  NEVER touch anything you have no idea how to use) See yesterday's blog for explanation. If you see me in a bathing suit, undies only or nude, you know I trust you with my life. Not many have, of course Hubby has, but he signed a contract at the alter years ago. 
     I just want to say that it's hard, it's very hard and I tend to lose my sweet cherubic nature at times. It will be all worth it in the end, but I swear it is so easy to get waylayed. Especially when it's just not 20 or even 30 pounds. Triple that, yep 90 or a hundred pounds works. I do sit here some nights and just cry because I'm frustrated, then I give myself a mental slap to get over it, but I also give myself a mental hug. Yep I am definitely just MENTAL!! HAHAHAHAHAHA  
     Okay I've rambled on - WAKE UP!!!!  ;-D   I am going to have some tea, watch some Top Gear, then say night night. So as always,  Ciao For Now XX

The weekend comes to and end

     So I find myself laying in bed, nice and warm from the heating pad on my hip. Why you ask? Simple, I am an arse!  I was at the gym and spied a kettlebell. Never having used one before, I thought I could do this squat thing. Tone up those thigh muscles I rarely use. Well if I learned anything, it was always check with the trainers BEFORE doing something new. I did something because ouch!! I'm telling you if I survive the fucking gym I'll be full & fit!  IF being the operative word! Lol
     Foodwise I done okay. No cupcakes for me, but I did have a low fat berry crumb cake slice with my tea tonight. Still okay as far as weight watchers goes but over my calories by 25 on the other website. Still not terrible and I did get to the gym.  No candy for Valentines Day, with me being out of work I don't expect any gifts or flowers either. I got surprised last year, was lovely, but hubs is watching cash and I understand. We are not going out either :-( I will make a special dinner for us so its low key this year , maybe a single rose? Would be nice lol I'm incoragible.
     Hey all, I'm going to bed. One of those nights where I have lots of thoughts but not clear how to pen them. From things I've read on my other sites to my own thoughts, so until I can sort through them I say Ciao For Now

Cupcakes, Snow, & Oh What The Hell

     Well here we are at Friday!! WooHoo   T.G.I.F, Weekend!! You know what? When you don't work it doesn't have quite the same impact. Well went to the gym this morning, was greeted by ice. Could be worse, could be snow like they are having in the Upper East Coast.  I am doing some rearranging then off to the post office (AGAIN LOL) I have candy to get out.
     Oh peeps, I just don't feel myself, I feel like hardly anyone wants to bother with me. Even my Dad. I mentioned to him that I may go visit him next week (this was before the blizzard warning came out) and he got real quiet and asked why. Why? Well silly me I thought it would be nice to see him and spend sometime in a house that is mine as well. I sent out more than a few resumes and have heard nothing back. I just am feeling a bit more needy and sensitive than normal. I also hurt my back a bit at the gym. I saw a kettlebell sitting there and I kind of picked it up and swung it and twisted something LOL So on top of everything I now hurt. My back went out a while ago as you know and I guess it's a sensitive spot. 
    I am so down in the dumps that I toyed with going to the bakery and getting a cupcake, piled high with the best buttercream. But I am not going to, oh I want to, but I'm not giving in. It's as bad as an alcoholic, I guess. You get used to things being a certain way and when your life is a little off kilter you really need to know what you can count on, but you can't because it's changed. I don't want to be a downer. Was talking with my former co-worker who is in the same boat. He told me he just hasn't felt like talking to anyone. Funny how different people react. See I want to talk to everyone I know to remain, for lack of a better word, normal. Well I'm off to run errands. Ciao 

Pizza Is Round & Makes Me The Same Way.

     Okay today I weighed in and "officially" I am down 12 pounds. Now my bathroom scale shows about 2 pounds more lost but I will go with the scale at Weight Watchers. Now it's simple math, I need to move my butt more and as I get to the gym more regularly I will lose faster. Also by tracking my calories I am keeping myself at about 1400 a day. I really want to lower that a little, but all the articles I've read put the calorie count in that amount, so okay! LOL 
    Yesterday I did have some pizza, it was real pizza, not a lot, but it was delicious. I pointed it out and counted my calories, and came in under both which is good. BUT and it's a big but, (yea yea I caught that LMAO) I need to stop having carbs too much on any given day. Oh but it was gooey and cheesy. Two slices of pure decadence. I can't d it often though as I am a true pizzaholic! I love good pizza. Now of course, to me, the best will always be in New York. Brooklyn and Queens have so many fabulous places. Toppings, well garlic my dears, is always a good thing. I also like peppers and onions. Okay I like this stuff way to much, a red light as they call it. So I will limit it, I had my fix for now :-D 
     Today, like I mentioned, I am going to meet my former manager and I am looking forward to it. I miss her and I miss my job, but onto to better things I hope. But I need to get a move on, so I am going to say Ciao For Now.. Later...

Darn Sinuses

Have a killer sinus headache today peeps so I am heading to bed a little earlier than usual and not writing tonight but I will probably write at some time tomorrow AM. I am going to have lunch tomorrow with my former manager, looking forward to it.  So as always I am saying Ciao For Now

Super Bowl, Puppy Bowl, An Attack, & Molly

     I am writing today and here in America it is Superbowl Sunday. Yes, yet another day when Americans sit in front of the television and eat all the things that are bad for you, yet taste yummy. LOL I know there are those that keep it to a minimum and try to be healthy, these are the people who usually end up watching the game alone. Some have cold cuts and cheese, usually in a six foot submarine sandwich that's cut up, with sides of potato salad, cole slaw, macaroni salad, pickles, cookies, cakes, brownies and cupcakes, and those are the lower calorie parties. I think because there may be a crudites. BWAHAHAHA  At the real hard core lets party time, you will find all I mentioned PLUS, chips, dips, guacamole, tacos, 7 layer bean dip, candy, pizzas, fried chicken and chicken wings, lots of beer and so many other alcoholic drinks, it's a Bacchanalia of food and drinks. I have had these parties and one really good party ended up with a friend of mine getting sick in my neighbors rose bushes - NOT PRETTY!! LOL  Since the man I married will maybe once a millennium watch a baseball game if I turn it on, I don't have to worry about throwing one of these parties now in my life. I have gone to a few and yes I have gotten ill, usually from just a wee too much rum LOL Tonight though we had grilled chicken and veg. Not very exciting but filling and healthy. I am not going to trip up, I even had a sandwich thin with a touch of jam this morning and still came in under my calories for the day according to my fitness app. I had the jam as my end of week splurge, yes a tablespoon of jam is a splurge, it went on the sandwich thin.  I know I'm harping on the food thing but I did it back last year too. I warned you all from the start, my rants as I try to lose my weight. 
     I am cutting back on fake sweets but I do enjoy Splenda, as I have a terrible sweet tooth. I will not use Nutra Sweet or the "blue" packets as that is aspartame and that's terrible for you, where as Spenda is sucrose, yes still not great but even with all the negative articles I have read nothing official that states its that bad. I eventually will just use real sugar as that is always the best. 
     Now lets talk Puppy Bowl. This was on the Animal Planet channel today. OMG it was so sweet. All these puppies playing really but they made commentary same as the regular game. They had hedgehogs with taffeta skirts on and then the halftime show was all cats and kittens. Hubs came up and saw what I was watching, I told him it was half time and he said of course it is. Come halftime they always bring out the pussy.  Rude but funny, I did laugh though. 
     Well tomorrow I go to the gym, I also will be going on the unemployment website and apply. I set up my account last week but since my official last day was Friday, I had to wait until tomorrow (Monday) to finish the process.
     Life here in the mid-Atlantic has been a tease of snow. They kept saying we were getting snow but although we did get lots of flurries and the ground did get a dusting there was no real snow. Not that I want snow I can measure in feet, but its nice to have some snow in the winter. I like cold weather, I'm built for it. I don't like wearing a coat when I drive though, I find it very cumbersome.
     Well peeps, I am going to end this and make myself some tea and ready for bed, hubs leaves early tomorrow so I am going to the gym before the main rush. Will shower there so I get a jump on  the day, lots to do. House errands and I'm planning on cleaning the oven and the kitchen floor. So I will say, as always - Ciao For Now.
OKAY HAD TO COME BACK  
Two things 
1) I just read on one of my Wiccan boards that a woman in PA was punched and had her attackers sic their dog on her, all because she was Wiccan. Police said there was nothing they could do until something "bad" happened. What like being punched isn't bad?! WTF!!?? That is a hate crime pure & simple. They used the dog as a weapon which is a felony. They belong behind bars. This is not made up, as the moderator of the board knows this woman. It's tragic!!
2) On my facebook page I saw that a dog that had been used to lure other dogs for dog fights (which is what the vets surmised) lost her battle the other day and died. Poor little girl was only 6 months old when they found her, tied up in a basement. The rescue workers said it was a miracle she was alive. She had multiple surgeries and went home to a loving foster family. She lived there and was starting to overcome all her scars and ills. The family made a facebook page for this little pit bull named Molly. The video shows her, from basically being chewed up, she only has one eye, then you see her getting better and even all bandaged up she was giving kisses. Then all these wonderful photos of her so much stronger. She developed a bad infection though and she was not able to fight it. At the vets, surrounded by her family she passed away. At least for the last part of her life she knew love.
HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO CRUEL AND HEARTLESS?? A poor little puppy being used then left for dead. An innocent woman walking down a street attacked for her religion?  They say man is the most evolved animal, but I sometimes have a very hard time believing this. I send all healing thoughts to that woman and well Molly has crossed that Rainbow bridge, run free precious girl. It brings tears to your eyes. I'm crying a bit while writing this.

Media View - I Just Had To Post

     I was sitting tonight watching a little TV and an ad for GNC comes on the air. There is this woman in a hoody and sunglasses saying how great she feels and she is 91 years old. It's showing people at the gym, and swimming and exercising. This older woman says its never too late to get young. She shouts out: Respect yourself!!!  Now I am going to the gym, trying to get myself fit BUT I think it was a little harsh for them to say that. It's almost like if you don't do what they are showing you don't respect yourself. SO NOT TRUE!! I do suppose there are people who don't care about themselves in any way shape or form, but I am not one of them. Just because someone doesn't work out or may be overweight, does NOT mean they have no respect for themselves. I ask this, how much respect do those women who go to the gym with hair and make done like they are going to a disco have. They are there to pick up guys. That's fine, but do they respect themselves? I don't know, but the fact that they are at the gym doesn't equate with respect. I go to the gym as I said before and yes I DO respect myself. I respected myself before I went to the gym. Respecting yourself comes from accepting yourself, being the best you can at any age or weight. I just hate the way the media can make you feel, the way it makes our young people ashamed if they look different or even are attracted to someone who does not fit the "NORM" of society. It's a damn shame that we are judged on our looks instead of our abilities. It is slowly changing but not fast enough if you ask me. But I am just voicing my opinion. 
     Short one tonight folks, so I will say Ciao For Now :-D

Back To Life, Back To Reality

     I felt productive today, which is a good thing. I revamped my resume, sent it out to a few places but I want to send it to a friend of mine so he can look at it. He is an executive and I would like him to tell me what he thinks and give me constructive criticism. I know he will be honest :-) I am just waiting for his reply, I don't want to just send it.
     I also got this marshmallowy arse to the gym this  afternoon. I know I like larger silhouettes on women but I could make enough smores for the state of Rhode Island. I want to keep a nice round caboose and in actuality it's not that bad, it's the pudge around my arse that joined that party that has to leave. I will be the first to admit that it hurt like hell, my legs and thighs are killing me but I'm glad I went and it felt good. I am going again on Thursday. Making the most out of my days off. 
     Today I was tracking points on weight watchers and calories on an app a friend told me about, called myfitnesspal. I was under points on WW and way under my calories for the other. I was told I'm not eating enough. LOL Now that is something I do not hear often LOL but I'm not hungry, I am drinking my water as well. I am enjoying my tea as always. It's like when I actively take part and go look at recipes and plan meals I always do better. That's how I lost my initial weight and I have a hunch I'm going to be even better this time. I even pointed out a dessert I've been wanting to make and it's quite low in points and in calories, if I use light cream & real fruit instead of jam. I am talking about a Victoria sponge. Seems sponge and angel food cakes will fill a void on occasion nicely. I will make this for Valentine's day. I'm making a pineapple curry chicken dish for dinner, with a prawn cocktail for our starter. There will be a mixed greens salad with rice wine to sprinkle on it and then the cake along with tea. I think it will be a great meal and though not calorie free it is only a total of about 15 points each for the complete meal. I will count out the calories and let you know the amounts soon. Obviously it will be the day's main meal, I will go to the gym that day as well, burn off a few more calories. Hubs is watching his intake but not as I am. So now that I am home during the day, at least for a little while, I can make good healthy dinners so at least one meal will be good for him. I think it's from watching my Mom, but I enjoy cooking for hubby, and having it ready for him after his work day. I know, very 1940's & 50's, but he works hard and its not such a big thing to do for him (&me, hell I will be eating too LOL).  I am a very good cook, problem is I'm an even better baker. On a side note: I used too sell cheesecakes to the folks at hubs office at holiday times. Did good business. hahahaha
     I was asked on another website today if I was plus size or skinny? At first I almost wrote a sarcastic remark, so me, but I thought a moment and answered him that the question is relative. What size am I compared to what? So I said, well to many folks thinking, I am very plus size, to others not so much. To society's thinking, well I am so plus size I shouldn't have the right to breathe air. To MY way of thinking I am fine at whatever weight the scale tells me at any given time. Then I said, but to answer your question how you intended, yes I am plus size. I laughed to myself, because if he had looked at my page he would see quotes and photos of me that leave no doubt in ones mind that I am indeed a woman of some substance. He answered with good, he likes that and his ex wife was a large lady. Then he sends another message asking if he can see photos of me in only my panties and then some of me naked! Um....let me think....NO!!!!!! I didn't answer and have not heard a peep out of him again.   We've had this in a blog before, I am not a prude and have no problem taking nude photos of myself but they are not public viewing. I give it to the ladies who do and I know the guys all love seeing them and I admit I get jealous of their reactions but its not how they think. I'm jealous that these women have the freedom to do so and I'm sure if I put photos out for all to see many would look and applaud as there is something for every taste, but as I've said, a side hip or a boob with nipple covered is fine but full monty nope. Takes away, for me, the exclusivity of the photos. On the other hand I have no problem taking headshots of myself when I have make up on LMAO oh look here are some I took yesterday, my last day cleaning out my desk. 

OMG what a ham I am!!! Believe it or not I can be shy, not usually, but it does occur occasionally. 
I am being good because of my health, I want and need to get fit! I am too young to feel old!! Will I falter? I think we know the answer but being in the hospital and whats going on now with me and work has given me the hard kick in the ass I needed - FOR NOW. I may call upon some of you to give me another one down the road. I am not above asking for help when I need it and I of course offer the same to you. 
     Well guys, I'm ending this now as hubs is leaving for work by 5:45AM tomorrow and as history has proven I will also be up. Maybe I will go to the grocery store, I'm looking for warheads candy to ship overseas, apparently sour candy is in! I offered to supply these BTW, I was not asked to send them, I was only asked if I had heard of them. LOL 
Sweet dreams or good morning depending where you are. Ciao For Now

       

I'm Beat!

     Well today went well, I even got kudos from the director. He told me, and one other lady also was made redundant that we are handling this with such a wonderful attitude, and today we were both so helpful as she sent files to her manager and I transferred a bunch of documents to one man who is helping out on the Helpdesk and he had none of them. He told us that he was most grateful for our positive outlooks. On the whole I really had no tears, a few moments when I got misty. I know they would not fire me and this was a business choice, and who knows if I don't find anything by April the hiring freeze should be over and I may get my job back. I am onto broader pastures though, so cross your fingers for me that out there is a company looking for a hard working cherubic short round witch who brings years of experience and will give 100% always. There is I know it!!
     I am spent, though from what I have  no idea. I'm going to bed. Yesterday's blog was more interesting AND LONGER! So give it read if you haven't.  Will be back to normal blogs again
Thanks all of you. Ciao For Now

Full Moon and New Starts

     Did you see her tonight? The moon I mean. She was shining brightly tonight, this always makes me feel at peace. I love the full moon, it shines with a coolness that illuminates like ice on a pond. There was a stillness out tonight. This is a time approaching new starts. How appropriate for me as I to am starting on a new journey, one I know, I feel, will end wonderfully. Next week this time is the Pagan holiday of Imbolc. Christians and many Wiccans/Witches call it Candlemas. It's a time of various meanings, but it is a time when in legend the Goddess will rise a white serpent from the ground to let all know if Spring is on it's way. Kind of sounds like Groundhogs Day does it not. Yea you would be amazed at how many Pagan ways were incorporated into new fangled ways. Only Groundhog Day is not new, if I remember correctly it was celebrated in Germany and was continued when settlers came to America. Also we can see it is a feast of the earth, new buds may be starting to sprout, it is a time to prepare and even in some places start to plant for the early harvest. It is also the time when sheep will be preparing to have their babies. Imbolc translates to Ewes Milk. It is not uncommon to find all kinds of dairy on an Imbolc alter. Milk, butter, breads are all traditional offerings. It is also a crossover of sorts as in Christianity it is the feast of St. Brigid. To Wiccans/pagans especially of Celtic path (which I am) Brigid is a Goddess of hearth and home. A maiden Goddess, one aspect of the Triple Goddess (Maiden, Mother, Crone) which, on a personal side note, the symbol for this was my first tattoo ever. I was reading some legend and lore earlier and it is said that you leave a piece of clothing out on this night and Brigid will bless it and make it sacred to you. This holiday is also the mid point of the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox, at this time of the year we try to find the light once again. I usually buy all my candles I will use in ritual by this time and bless them on the feast night. One day I really would love to make my own but for now they are purchased. I will make a small milk cake, I mean small as both hubs and my self are being good with our eating. (This weekend not withstanding LOL) I am a solitary practitioner now and I do not have to be as formal as some may. I do mark my high holy days in my way. I miss being part of a circle like years back but as with any deity you look towards its your intent, as the Lord & Lady know your heart. Nothing I have said on this is secret, you can find all of it if you do a Google searh but there are the inner workings, things I may do, that I was taught, you will not find online. That is secret. Oh there are rituals written word for word and steps on how to become this or that but I promise you, the real meat & potatoes of the group is not published anywhere. Things are passed down. Books and internet are good places to start though. And PLEASE PLEASE remember that Hollywood loves to sell movies and witches are evil and worship the devil and all that crap. NO WE DO NOT, we don't even believe in the devil, we believe in karma, and taking responsibilities for your actions. Okay let me get off my broomstick as I can rant on about this a lot!! LMAO
     But Mary aren't you know out of work?  Why yes, yes I am. I was upset, tomorrow (Monday) will be upsetting as Im getting my last things out of my office, computer access will be terminated, I already turned in my badge on Friday. BUT BUT BUT I am not going to dwell on this. There is simply something waiting out there for me to do and I just need to go find it, and I will. If I get lucky and find something right away then perhaps my trip to England will not have to be delayed and I will now have a more open schedule on when I can fly out. On a plane dearies, my broom would never make the trip!! ;-D 
     Speaking of England I spoke to a lovely young lady and her sister today, we face timed as Skype was being a bit of trouble. My friend's daughters are delightful and I enjoy speaking with them. The younger one, well I just love, I feel akin to her in some ways, don't know why, maybe it's because we both spill things, her laugh is like bells, and she always does when I twitch my nose at her LOL The older daughter is becoming such a beauty, she has these gorgeous huge eyes, like her mother. Beautiful young ladies, both of them. It was a pleasant surprise speaking with them. I also saw their cousin and Aunt. For the life of me i totally forgot the cousin's name and of course remembered it after she had gone. I hope they don't think me too much a twit! hahaha
     Had my weigh in today and I lost 4 pounds this week. A friend of mine told me about this plan he is doing and I'm going to start this week, I'm hoping to see more of a loss next week. All in all I'm good, leg is much better although I have that cold everyone is getting and I noticed when it was its worse my leg got a little red, but I suppose its normal. My doctor said to watch it and if it swells or my temp goes above 101 to go to the hospital but none of that happened. My temp at its highest was 99.8 and now its back to my normal of 97.6, yea I run a little cool. But baby I'm hot!!!!!  BWAHAHAHAHA
    So as you would expect I am signing off now as its after midnight and the alarm goes off at 7AM. So I say good night and as always, Ciao For Now

When One Door Closes Another Opens Right?

     Well peeps today I got the news that I am being laid off, made redundant, sacked, RIF'd , a rose by any other name still means no job after next week. I was not fired which is good so I can apply for unemployment. They got rid of all the supervisors at my job, there are 4 of us. Two for HR and two for Payroll. I spoke to my counterpart in HR and he is trying to be positive and not dwell on it. Same here really and I already have spoke to a few people and am revamping my resume. I will not be leisurely enjoying the days at home, I need to get a new job. I mean we will be okay but I need to work.
     I am very bummed out, as my main thing, the ONE THING I wanted beyond everything is now going to have to be halted. I will not be able to go to England now until next year!! Unless I get a new job right away that pays the same or better I still may be able to swing it. I told a young lady I would see her in person this year and she was so happy at the thought of that, and so was I. It pains me to have to tell her it's not going to happen. I cried for a short time when I first heard but no tears now. Sadness, most definitely, but I am not going to let this get me down. much
     I am going in tomorrow to sign all the paperwork, then Friday to say goodbye to everyone. I need to go to the unemployment office to get that set up. Then I upload my resume to Linked In and a few other places. Oh man I need to get my shit together as I am a 50 year old overweight (but adorable lol) woman. They are not throwing jobs at my feet, not when the saucy young things are wanting the same jobs. I'm not being all woe is me, I am being a realist. It's something I have dealt with all my life, I'm used to it.  Cross your fingers for me, ciao for now

Sorry Guys

     Still feel horrible so no new blog last night again! Just not up to it.  You can read SundY nights lol. Last one before I got more sick.   I will be back. Ciao