In The Wee Hours

It's half 2 in the morning. I used to love this time. The stillness, the calmness if it. But right now my mind is cluttered. I'm having setbacks. Much like an alcoholic who decided to have one drink. I are yesterday like I was having my last meal. I had chips and donuts and lots if wine. The stress is getting to me and I caved. I'm furious at myself for being so weak. For giving in. My own body is fighting me as right now I feel quite ill. It will pass but I'm still angry I did it.  I'm scared!!!!!!
     Things I keep secret, they are eating away at me. Im trying to put up a good front. While I play magician in the shadows. I don't know how much longer I can. Like I said I'm scared.  I cry every night and let me tell you as queen of selfies - it's getting harder to take a flattering photo. The circles and bags under my eyes are getting worse.  The horror  haha.  See trying to make light of it. But I really can't.  I don't know if any if this is cohesive - if it reads with any sense. Sorry perps. Like I said before.  I'm scared! I will smile and be cheerful as no one wBts to hear depressing stories especially when there is nothing they can do. But sometimes I just need a hug. I'm going to go find the cat for a cuddle now.  Good night. Or morning depending where you are. Until next time