New Years Eve

     Well good-bye 2014. All in all, an okay year, not great though. Didn't see some people nearly enough, not even close to enough. Did get to see my NY peeps which is great. I got to England, (and Paris) AMAZING, BRILLIANT, LIFE ALTERING!!   Those are highlights. This coming year, I plan on traveling more once hubs gets a job and my money is somewhat my own. Part of it anyway. I would like to make use of my passport again, even if it's Canada. California is a very good possibility, as one of my hubs' cousins is getting married in October. I love the idea, they are in San Diego, lots of cool things that way. Maybe a quick trip up the coast to Big Sur or Carmel. It's nice to visit, lived there years ago. I'm an east coast girl for sure. Cali, was okay, but not a full time gig, northern CA maybe if pressed.
     Hoping to hook up in NYC with some of my England friends this year, share drinks, food, laughs, craziness. Yes yes lovely. (Hoping a lot)  hanging with my girlies would be awesome. Spa weekends and trips to other states maybe.
      Also once hubs get a job, I'm looking for a new one. I'm wasted here, and I have talents I can't use. I need a job where I can show my strengths.
     
     I wish all those I hold dear, a very happy, healthy, prosperity's year. I wish beauty to surround you, good times and fun. Of course I want to be included in some of these. Needy Baggins that I am. Lmfao
      I'm tired, it's late, and I need to moisturize. So I will be back tomorrow. I hope to see some cool pics, if your on FB stop by my page, or not. Hahaha. Until next we meet, ciao for now

Happy Birthday Daddy

     Today my dear old man, turns 87. I'm not young, but I truly could be a lot older. Mom and Dad were well on their way to 40, when herself turned up. Lol I resemble my dad quite a bit. My Da used to love telling me that when I was born, he and a few other new dads were looking at the babies, behind the viewing glass. Yep, I guess they really did that, I don't really remember, so I'll take dad's word for it. He told me that the nurse picked me up and pointed right to my dad. I was a daddy girl, I admit it. Dad would alwYs take me out on Sundays while mom made our big Sunday macaroni dinner. Yes, grandparents, cousins. I was underfoot as I wanted to be included, ya know, help. (Wow, not much has changed lmfao) so dad would take me to this kiddie amusement park called McGuiness. I'd go on rides for a few hours, then dad would take me home. Movies were another treat. As I got older, I went over to the Mom side. Hell, she had cookies, :-) and recipes and we shared a love of decorating and houses. As I got older, and is watched my dad go through the loss of his mother, his sister and brothers and of course my mother. I realized this man, was strong, he held 2 jobs when I was growing up so I could attend a good school. We had a nice house, a car, summers at the shore. I never wanted for anything. Silent guardian of 221st street. I also noticed how lost he was when my mother died. He cried in church that day, I never saw him cry before. It rattled me, he cried several times after. I was scared he wouldn't want to go on. Life though has a way go going on. He worked it out and now he is enjoying life again. I go see him as often as I can, and he now tells me stories of his youth. Some are typical New York City stories. Turning the fire hydrants on as his sister and her friends walked by. Sleeping on the fire escapes. Telling his mom he was sleeping at a friends house, then they all slept overnight under the boardwalk at Coney Island. Scandal I tell ya. Hahaha my dad was so normal, such a fun loving kid. Then I find out, he ate dog food without knowing it. Lol so many stories. Odd, all my life I thought I was more like my mother and I'm finding out I'm so much like my dad. That's okay though, he's a pretty cool guy.  Until next time, love your dad's. Ciao For Now.

It Starts Early

     This morning I woke up about 4 in the morning, made myself go back to sleep, but by 6, I was awake. I've been under the weather for the last few days, and been asleep by 10pm. As I stepped out onto the deck I noticed a few neighbors still had their Christmas lights on. Growing up, the last person to go to bed turned out the lights. So it was usually me. Lol Looking at them glowing through the morning fog, I smiled and admired the pretty colors. So off to my car Tink to get some morning caffeine.  Then filled the tank with gas, took a bit of a drive to get some fresh air, as 8am wax rolling around, I went and got breakfast for us. Hubs got a steak, egg&cheese on an onion bagel, I got vanilla yogurt with berries and granola. This from a little bagel cafe near home. It's not NY bagels but they are very tasty and the owners are really nice. And it's not expensive, bonus!
     I brought our breakfast feast home, then ended up going back to sleep. Took some meds and they knocked me out. I'm working all this week, so I have to get there, no time for sick. Weird timing, after Christmas but before New Years. Hope everyone is doing something great. I'm going to a brunch on the 4th with some co-workers. Looking forward to that. I'm truly looking forward to NYC the weekend after. I may take a day or two extra to spend some time with dad. Maybe a bit of baking too.
      Well peeps, tonight, I colored my own hair, and did my own nails. Not bad if I do say so myself. It's a way I can keep my expenses down.
      I'm very boring lately, but I'm thinking of you. I see my friends antics on Facebook and have a giggle. Great parties, and trees and gifts. So glad everyone enjoyed their Christmas's. At least it seems so. Mine as well. Wearing my handmade quilt over me right now. Toasty warm.
     Off to bed for this rough feeling gal. Have a great night and great day. Ciao For Now

Merry Christmas

     I am truly loving seeing all the photos on Facebook of all the trees and the parties and gifts. It warms my heart. Thanks to all of you for sharing them. Next year I will add to these. New post Friday at some point. Ciao For Now

The Christmas Post I Promised

     Christmas Eve is upon us. As usual I find my memories taking over. My mother loved Christmas, she got me loving it too, I still do. I remember midnight mass and Christmas corsages. God they were so big, but uber cool, with mini ornaments and bells. I loved the funny ones, like the one of Santa with the nose that lit up when you pulled the string. I still think of my Mom trimming the tree every time I hear the song It's Beginning To Look A lot Like Christmas. I still shed a tear when I hear  O Holy Night , my grandmothers favorite song.  I gave tried, but as soon as I hear that hymn I get weepy. Grandma was awesome at Christmas. She had so many traditions. Some Mom did with her, others I did. I remember one of them was washing your face with Christmas snow would make your skin beautiful.  May have been something to that as Nona had great skin. Lol 

     Staying up all night cooking with the bayberry candle burning in the sink. Oh yes the bayberry candle. A staple every year. I remember them well. They sold them at school every year, along with other candles and wrapping paper. They looked the same every year. A glass holder that looked like a glass you would make a hurricane or zombie in. Filled with bayberry wax. The outside had green, or red, or hold glitter. Holly was wrapped around the stem.  Had to burn it in the sink as it burned all night long. This way if the cat tipped it over it would go out and not cause harm. 

     Washing all the "good china" because it came out for it's yearly display. It was my mothers wedding china. It's mine now and by some miracle hubs likes it. Bonus!!! :-)  these plates and serving bowls held more food than anyone could ever finish in one meal. I'm talking full house with a kids table. 25 people to cook for, and get the house ready for. I polished the furniture and wrapped garland around the bannister. Our home was truly a Christmas masterpiece of holiday decor. It always seemed so bare when the decorations came down. 

       Decorations strung across the Main Street in our town, and Mom taking me to Macy*s or Gertz to see Santa. Real tinsel on our tree, that always seemed to make the cat look like a pull toy ( not explaining that, but if you know , you know lol) we used those stencils that you sprayed with white paint on the windows to look like snow. And SNOW! Yes it seemed to snow back then.  It may be my mind playing tricks on me. It was a fairyland back then. I loved every minute of it.  Dad always sat in his chair after midnight mass and have a beer and cigar, looking very Archie Bunker. Mom and Nonna had ammaretto

and as I hot older it switched from ginger ale to ammaretto for me too. Awesome memories.

It seemed simpler, but it wasn't. It was just family and friends and lots of love.  With all the unrest going on in this world, I wish you all find a bit of peace and joy with loved ones and friends. Ciao For Now

The Alarm Is Shut, Whoo Hoo

    Two days off, no alarm, no nasty people on the phones. Just relaxing, slow easy morning with hubs, making a lovely breakfast. Thinking soft boiled eggs, whole grain toast, coffee and juice. Biscuits if hubs prefers. So easy to make. So maybe I've just decided. Being decent eating, but truthfully not as good as it seems. Lately if it goes past me, it ends up in my mouth. Gym on Saturday, but writing new gym schedule for after Chrimbo. See, I'm hoping now that Katie left, oh yeah, we're down one person now, that I maybe can get the 8 to 4:30 schedule. This would help in two ways. I can hit the gym after work and still get home close to the time I do now, or I would get out early enough if I wanted to get a second job. It's a thought I've had, but my current hours are falling short of what I need to start a second job. Plus being the one in closing shift, I do not leave at 6 on the dot. More times than not I'm out of there, quarter past or half past 6. This can hurt if I need to be somewhere by 7. We shall see what happens. Unemployment will start soon I hope for hubs so that will ease things a bit.
     Back to my original start, yay no work AND Christmas. Will spend Thursday with in laws, then home for a night of cuddles and the Christmas Doctor Who special. Yes the geek comes out.  Lmao today was good albeit busy. I got a really funky hoodie from my managers. It says " You can take the girl out of NY but you can't take the NY out of the girl". True words.
     Had a giggle with a co- worker today. A ex spouse called yesterday to report the death of her ex because she was helping out the current spouse who didn't speak English well. So my work friend got her on the phone and then he said that must be a bit awkward. Husband, spouse and ex. I was saying, maybe they all get along. Then my evil sarcastic side comes out, I say maybe he offed himself, with the spouse screaming in one ear while the ex screams in the other, he figured death was better. Oh so horrible I know and I did say may he RIP. But I know somewhere I got a check next to my name. Lol seemed like they both cared and then we started talking on how we would like to be remembered. I'd like people to remember me fondly. When overseas, my friend was relaying a memory of a relative. You could see from the misty look his eyes had and the half smile, he was reliving a lovely person and great memories. I really would like to think someday, someone would have that same look while remembering me. I have some I will remember that way for sure.
     Seems we have one of those Mary tangent, all over the place blogs. Of course, there's no work tomorrow :-) ah the magick of Yule/Christmas .   I found some pannetone wrappers to bake these gorgeous Italian Christmas breads. They have raisins, orange peel, stand tall. I have a recipe I want to try. I think I'm going to. Use a select few as guinea pigs. BWAHAHA to whom will they go??? We will see. Cookies are being made as well - yes gym on Saturday.
    Well again I end the musings and wish you all a good night or good morning. Ciao For Now
   

I hate customs - lol

I swear I got so angry this morning. I know I should let it go, and everyone but me is being amazingly cool, but well, I'm sorry. I specifically asked if customs charges would apply. I was told no if the amount us under $100.00. Believe me it was. Today I hear there was a customs charge. BUGGER!! I listened and looked to try and find things I thought would work. I'm embarrassed. I will make it up when I'm not so skint. Which I'm hoping will be soon.
     Tonight was kababs, yes I said kababs. I give in, and now call them kababs and not kabobs. The new restaurants call them that. He was right....AGAIN! Grrrrr. Lmao
So happy not having to cook. We have been so busy, I think I went to the toilet once today. Seriously, the questions these people are asking. Hey tell me about the new vacation policy, oh you mean the one we got the emails about in JULY!! Ugh! But it does make the day go fast, I'd rather be busy. That's all I'm in for tonight peeps. Still in a positive mood, just what's going on with the police being attacked, it makes me sad. But I've got to believe, the good will win.
Sweet dreams or good morning peeps, until next time, ciao for now.

Well That Was Really Good.

     Happy Winter Everyone!! From this point on the days will get longer, which always made me smile as it seems we get most of our snow after the new year. I have good feelings for the new year, it's been so fucking long since I felt truly positive. Funny thing is, I'm not sure why, but it's a great change.   I think it's because I had a nice chat with hubs tonight, we discussed the future and what possible outcomes we may have. He's talked about us getting an apartment and then a duplex condo, or at least two bedrooms and a den. As you all know, I'm not fond of my current home and this thought of a new place with granite countertops and a soaking tub appeals greatly. Then of course, we spoke about moving back to NY if need be. I would love that, but I know hubs would not be thrilled. He knows he needs to find a job soon. He looks every day, and only recently has started getting results. An interview last week, that went well enough but they are not making any decisions until after the new year. He also got two call backs, both from recruiters who had more questions for him, as they both had jobs they are trying to get lined up for him. So fingers and toes crossed. He said he will call the mortgage company to see if we can skip a month for January. My friend at work did this and we have auto pay, so we've not missed a payment in 10 years. This does not count the fiasco with the small second loan, but those close to me know that hell. Oy vey. So hopefully there is light at the end of this tunnel. 

     I've decided I need new earbuds. So as soon as the account goes up, a few months from now, I will get them. How random am I? Hehe Hey, I know I can be a brat, but I know when I can shop and when I can't. Things will come, just need to work a bit more at it, and I'm fine with that.  One thing I will work harder on is me, 2015 changes started late this year. Eye opening situations that made me realize I must change certain things in my life. Perhaps this was solidified tonight, new stirrings going on, that will produce new fruit so to speak. Bit exciting, bit scary as hell. That's how you know you're alive though, get that adrenaline pumping. Right?  

      Well I'm going to get myself settled in, tea is steeping and will be gratefully consumed. I've sent a request speaking of tea. But that's a private matter, was just a thought that escaped me. :-D God I love the stuff. Lmao. Until next blog peeps. Ciao for now.

Merry Solstice and other stuff

     I am sitting here in my robe, just having had my cleaning bath for my ritual tonight. I will be using my favorite incense tonight. It's the Amethyst from the jeweled collection by Shoyeido. It's japanese and very delicate compared to most incensed that I find rather overpowering at times. Especially indoors. I like that it's all incense too, no stick. I have a pretty holder for this as well. It's called balance and it's divine. Lol it's as much a part of tonight as my candle, my pine tree little limb, me. My names of those I will remember, present and past along with hopes of what's to come.  Along with this, one might also mention things they want to change and drop about themselves.  Believe me. I have several of those. :-D. I just wanted to pop in and say hello. Not much went on this weekend on a personal level. Good.  Just trudging along. No drama is a good thing.
     My friends I love you. Just in case I haven't said it a hundred times lmao. Ciao for now.

I Heard The News Today Oh Boy

     My heart is saddened tonight. My thoughts and prayers go out to the families of two innocent police officers, on overtime no less. Just sitting in their car and some idiot walks up and pops them both in the head. The killer put it on his twitter and Facebook. Saying that tonight he was giving some pigs their wings. He then ran to the train station and killed himself.  What the hell is happening?  You have people like, Al Sharpton bringing race relations back to the 60's, the president basically saying he agrees by letting that hate monger through the White House doors, professional basketball players wearing tee shirts supporting a person who was a thief. Look there are good cops, there are bad cops, but all hell is happening. The mayor of NY is horrible, in the short time he's been in office he's proven he has no right to be in office. He is now being petitioned not to attend the funerals of these list officers. Good, people finally had enough. This has to end. I am sick and tired of race being an issue. Assholes come in every color. So do thieves, criminals, rapists, child abusers. I'm never going to treat anyone bad just because of the color of their skin.
      On this Eve of Yule, I am adding prayers of tolerance and peace to my Yule working. For the world as it's hurting. I stay positive as I truly feel it will get better.  I will be back tomorrow or Monday as the Wheel of the Year turns, I then look to Christmas. Spending time with my family , wishing dad was with me but happy knowing he's with the neighbors safe and loved. So until next time, ciao for now

2AM I Should Be Asleep

     So, I'm still awake, hubs is still awake, cat is curled up on the bed BUT awake. Seems like the sandman skipped our home tonight. I'm on a sugar rush. I've been so bad this past week and a half, fucking eating everything bad I come across. Now I don't mean I'm not eating veg, or protein, but a cookie here, and a cookie there, not to mention the office dessert party. Too much sugar and I feel it, I dig that though. I know to be good and detox of sorts. Was a time I couldn't read my body so well, I'm sure it said the same things but I was deaf to it back then. I'm more in tune with it now, more than ever. I lost weight on vaca and then lost a tad more but I'm sure I've put a few back on, at least I think so. I haven't been to the gym this past 12 days either. Just running around getting things done here and there.
     I'm really trying to get into the Christmas mood and I'm slowly getting there. I've been a bit of a Debbie Downer, but the office do got me a little more into the season. Yule us this coming Sunday and I have my candle ready and know what my little solitary ritual will be.  I enjoy marking the seasons. I like the changing weather, although it's getting hard to tell theses days.
     I get nostalgic thus time of year, I miss my mother, I find myself looking online at photos of Christmas decorations and get a tingle when I see one that we had. I get a muck that other people, those outside NY had them too. Of course they did, but well, it just makes me happy. There's a lot of good to come, I believe this, and I've found that things do have a way of working out. I think I finally have a handle on thus being frugal thing. I tell you, if this has taught me anything, it's taught me to be a much savvier shopper. This is a good thing. On e hubs starts getting unemployment and better yet a job, when more cash flows and we can catch up, we said we are going to our favorite sushi restaurant and having a good meal. It's not terribly pricey. With a drink each we usually get about an $85.00 bill.  We are not exchanging gifts this year so it will be our getting back to being us treat to each other.
     Speaking of dining out, my friends in England went back to the restaurant they took me too whilst visiting. Wonderful place, warm, friendly owners and great staff. I left a review on Yelp,  and my friend texted me the owner said thank you. I was confused for a moment then he reminded me. Duh!!! I'm thick sometimes lol
      I guess I should try to get some sleep, hubs is nodding off, cats now snoozing, and I will admit, I've kept a few yawns slip out. So yes, I'm going to get horizontal, shut my light and curl up under the covers. Going au natural tonight so I get to feel the warmth of the quilt, and I love that.  I want heated bathroom floors like I was treated to at my friends house. So that's getting put on my would like list, really if you've never had them, go get them. Lol. Well then off I go to the land of Nod. Ciao For Now

Gobsmacked Yet Again

     Today was our office dessert Secret Santa party. I made out pretty well actually. I got everything I asked for on my list and that went over the spending limit by about 10 dollars. I tunes card and lovely scented candle and lottery scratch offs   The itunes card alone was $20.00  limit was supposed to be $15.00, oh and I won $5.00 on the scratch off lottery tickets  lol   No, what got me gobsmacked was a card I got on my desk from the lady that sits next to me. When you sit right next to each other you can't help but hear people talk and she must have heard me talking with the hubs how I need to get food for dinner but have to be careful as we don't have a lot to waste, just needed items KWIM? Well in this card was $50.00!!! She said she hoped it gave me some fun money to have, I put it back into her purse but it ended up back in mine and finally I said okay. She told me that I have helped her so much and always listened to her and was there for her when she found out her dad had cancer, that this was the least she could do. Interestingly enough she is leaving the company next week as she will start a new job closer to her home. I wish her well, I didn't do anything special, I just listened to her and offered her a shoulder, told her how I dealt with my mom having cancer and that it was positive for her dad as they caught it early. I guess its true, you don't realize that sometimes letting someone talk it out with you means a lot to them. It's just something I do. I also have a friend who lets me ship with his UPS number so YAY that helps me and I bake him cookies   LOL barter is awesome  but I really was so surprised.
     It was a nice break, as today I started training one of the payroll guys in HR because the other lady is leaving. I will be learning payroll after the new year which I've wanted to do for some time now.  I really have no clue where this will all end up, but like I said I am gong to keep my head up and smile. Sometimes I just want to shake my head at people but why bother. People are going to to as they want, and as a friend said to me years ago when he went to therapy, you can't change people you can only alter your reaction to them. YES!! Focus on you - My mantra for 2015. Even though I will always be there for anyone that needs me, whether they want me there or not. LMAO
     So stay cool peeps and until next time Ciao For Now

I really do

     I believe. I really do. It will get better. I can't let it get to me. I won't let it get to me. I'm well off compared to some. I have no right to whine. I'm really trying to think positive   Thank you friends for the laughs. I am just having a hard time getting into Christmas this year. But it will get better. Believe.

Yeah! LOL

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

One Of Those Boring Blogs. Lol

     Just finished doing my nails. I'm actually very pleased with the outcome. Look I know 30 dollars every 2 or 3 weeks isn't much but when you have to watch the pennies you cut where you can. So I cut my nails down, they were getting long, and I got all the acrylic off them since these are my nails. So I trimmed, filed and did them up with Christmas glitter. Looks pretty damn good if I say so myself. Lmao.
      You know, it's just a day gone by, but sometimes you look forward to ending one so a new better day can start. We were so busy today, I even stayed late. But I don't mind that, what I do mind is someone who doesn't know me from Adam telling me I'm not doing my job and I'm lazy and pushing it off on others. Well kiss my ample ass in Macys window Jack ass! I called my manager and she ripped him a new one as nicely as she could without getting loud. The entire time talking to him she was giving the phone her middle finger. Lmao. As much as I was glad she defended me, there was a time I was the one defending my reps. It just reminds me I am in need of an overhaul, oh trust me as soon as hubs gets a job, I am going to look. There are bigger and better things out there and I'm going to get me some.  Ah peeps, I'm out. Ciao For Now.

Sunday Evening is Time For...r

     Tonight it's time for Christmas cards. I'm finishing my handmade cards. 7 total, the rest will be bought, but the sentiment is real. I need to get my England cards out no later than Tuesday, want them to get there in time. I go in and out of Chrimbo spirit. In at the moment. Lol
     Hubs had an online interview tonight, I'm praying for a Christmas miracle that he gets a job. It's getting crucial, not going into it. It's small actually when I was told the story of a little girl my manager is sponsoring for Christmas. She lost her parents, has no home. All I could afford to donate was a Hello Kitty sweater. Under 20 dollars but it was on her wish list. I wish I could have gotten everything on her list girl her. Kids make Christmas fun, they have that awe and fascination that I try to have too,  but it's hard sometime.
     Enough doom and gloom. I'm thrilled by one major thing, knock wood as I've managed to stay out of hospitals this season, so far. The past two years have found me incapacitated with infections and pneumonia. I've managed to dodge everything this year, and hope to bring in the new year healthy. I'm looking forward to our dessert party thus year at work. I've been baking today, and I'm thinking I will bring my citrus Madeline's. They may even make it into some gift baskets. Tasty and they keep well. I love baking and cooking. I'm bummed I didn't cook while I was in a England.
     It was a quiet weekend. Just tired for some reason. Shouldn't be, been walking at the gym, more needed due to things like dessert parties. Lol hoping to introduce lots of new things in the coming year, me for one. I'm changing, for the better I hope. We shall see.  Want to go take a nice bath, so ciao for now.

Afternoon Quickie (no not the good kind LOL)

   Happy Friday Peeps
   SO glad its Friday, Ive got some cleaning to do this weekend and some card making too. Then its post office Monday or Tuesday night to get the Chrimbo cards out and other odds and ends.  Im feeling the holiday spirit finally as Yule will be here really soon but I'm not setting up a tree this year (again). With the situation we are nit exchanging anything and its not worth putting up a living room tree just for the cat to play with. She likes the hanging balls and she tries to eat the tinsel. You have no idea of funny and gross at the same time until you have seen a piece of tinsel hanging out of your cat's ass.  A warped pull toy for sure. LMAO
   I'm writing a few Christmas letters too that will go inside the cards. I have even more oversea cards this year as I met up with some cool people and Im trying to get everyone's address. Have several already. So yay!
   At work on my morning break, I walked in and went right on the phone as we were queuing when I got here. So a big cup of tea to get me through this until lunch at 1PM. I wont starve :-D
So I really dont have anything but like I mentioned Christmas blog soon  -  oooh arent yu getting excited at the thought? BWAHAHAHA
     Take care peeps and I will be back. Ciao For Now

Gotta Make Ya Smile (A Little )

     As we know I've been a CSR for many years. There are many horror stories, I've told some, hehe, but to be fair there can be amusing moments as well. One thing that had me chuckle today was when I had a particular jolly caller and I asked for his birth date for security purposes, and he hesitated, he actually hesitated. I laughed to myself, how do you forget the day you were born.  Lol
     Funny start of the day, talking to my friend and we ended up discussing bat balls. I find them to be well rounded. Haha for the size of the bat, they seem to be a bit bigger than one might expect. He started asking others in the office if they've ever seen a bat's bollacks? I was crying! Funny was to start the day. I sent him a pic of a few bats. LMAO listened to a cool group called Jazz Liberators. Love everything I've heard so far. Love hearing new people. So much music out there. Yes!!
     Not a lot tonight people.  Writing a Christmas blog, will gave it done soon. So until next time peeps, ciao for now :-)

Half 9

     I'm in bed. At half 9!! Just tired, frustrated, busy as fuck at work. Two really good things today did get to decorate. Yay. It's Beginning To Look A lot Like Christmas.  Lol. Which alwYs make me feel good. The other truly bright spot was a surprise FaceTime from my youngest friend from England. Her timing was good. Just about my lunchtime I facetimed her back. She was doing her gingerbread house. It was such a sweet surprise. Made my afternoon.
     Here I am, more than a bit knackered. So I'm giving into the longing and getting comfy under my comforter. Ciao For Now

Sometimes A TV Show Makes Sense

     Tonight was pretty much the same. I did go to the mall, did not find anything for my nephew. I went to the grocery store, picked up a few things. Came home, had dinner, read my book, then watched a little television. It's a show called Forever. I like it, new for 2014. The man in it is searching for reasons he is the way he is. Tonight it hit a nerve. The end wrap up had his voice over saying that everyone has secrets but a shared secret helps you know who your true friends really are.  This got me to pondering. The answer being 42. Lol if you get that reference - kudos. Why are we drawn to some people and not to others? Why, when two or more people meet do they not feel with the same emotion? Individuality perhaps, yes, we are no two alike,  yet we are exactly the same. Our basic forms of skin, bones, blood, we all gave the same organs same heart. But we are all unique. Talk about a stretched paradox, all unique but all the same. How the hell are we even doing this? I have friends, some truly great ones I trust and would give my life for. Don't really care if they would do the same, and I think that's the thing that makes friends special. What separates people. Some do for others but they look to gain something. From the time I was little, I was the type of person who gave and never expected back. When I was a little child,  I gave away my mothers appliances to our neighbor kids for fucks sake! They liked them so they should have them. Not thinking of my poor mother who got calls saying I had done this and then went to collect her stuff back. I remember my mom telling me, I didn't have to give people things to make them like me. She didn't quite get that was not the reason I did it. Why did I? Still maybe a bit of a mystery even now some 40 years later. One year, I was about 10 or 11. A man asked to shovel the snow from my house. He told me he had no money and was trying to earn some so he could help himself and his family. I told my mom and she agreed to hire him. She did the shoveling, but for whatever reason, (maybe she felt bad too), he was soon shoveling our sidewalk and driveway. He had some kind of Eastern European accent, I actually remember his face too. Kind of strange, but he made an impact on me. He was willing to go around looking for work to help his family. Now a days it would not fly, not in a big city, maybe a smaller town. I lied for him next. I just did it, I wanted to help too. I got another neighbor, 2 houses down to let him shovel their walk also. I said he was a cousin and would they let him shovel? Never found out if my lie was ever discovered. Are there good lies? That would be one I think. Back to my original thought. (See I get there! Lmao) even though we are the same, I don't think the other kids would have done this. They would have been scared or skeptical. Imagine little kids being jaded? Sad right? So telling someone a secret for me was something I felt. It's like my body knows to whom I should open up. And it's not always the person one assumes it would be. I have 4 people who know my secrets. A few know all, others what I think they can handle. Most not at all.  Those that know all I trust 1000%,  no need to go into it. I already have. Thing is now I need to learn to trust myself. To allow me to share my secrets again, to remember why and where and who with me!  It's difficult, I'm in a bit of a stale place right now. I shook it up the other day. Put wheels in motion at home that hopefully for hubs sake was sound advice. I am looking around at my surroundings and yes hate them but isn't everything in life temporary? So working on the here and now. I can be so great at this, but man can I fucking stink at it too. Lol  Let's see where I go. How many times can someone say, "I'm focusing on me now?"  Well I'm answering that with "once more at least!" Keep the faith peeps, even though it's not easy, and I don't help matters. But I am STILL that little girl who feels for people, wants to help them, I just need to do this for me now. Ciao For Now

Not To Jinx Things

    But today has been a decent day so far. On the second half now as all are back from lunch. had a lovely grilled chicken wrap filled with lots of veggies, very tasty and the moisture from the peppers took the place of any dressings - BONUS!!
    So as I was planning to go to the gym tonight but my plans went bust as I have to do a bit of Chrimbo shopping for my nephew so off to the mall. Will do a few walks around it as that should add many steps to my day (Its a big mall Dulles Town Center LOL)  probably find him his gift at Footlocker or Game Stop.
    I've been waiting for the tree for the office to show up so we can decorate it and lo and behold I was just told to look in the cubicle behind me. Sonofabitch it was there this entire time  D'Oh!! Not my fault it was under the desk on the the side from where I sit.  So yay tree decorating in the am, get to untangle lights and get festive, no spiked punch though :-(  boo!  hahaha
    Not a whole lot today, so I'm signing off , oh I started a watercolor last night. I have the paints and the paper so why the hell not.  I will try and post a pic when I'm done. A few folks are know also started painting this week, something in the air. Time to get my mind on other things and make my home as livable as I can, and then once hubs starts working again get it fixed up so my friends can all visit.
Until next time  Ciao for now

Why Wasn't I Born Rich Instead of Beautiful LMAO

    Addendum being added on top. Night got a bit better, brought home lamb kabobs for me and gyro for hubs. Hubs finally applied for unemployment and hopefully he can still get it. Just praying it's not too late. Please dear Goddess let it happen. You have really no idea how much this would help! I would crawl on my knees across broken glass if it would help this come to fruition.

So my post from today, not a stellar work day. lol some days your the bat, some days the ball right?
   The phone calls today are ranging from actually nice to downright insulting. Kind of like that little boy in that viral video that keeps telling his mother, Linda, Linda Linda, your not listening. Except that I am listening but they dont like what I'm saying so of course I am wrong. So glad you called to get help with your benefits, but when I tell you the policy and what your available options are you feel it within your right to scream at me and tell me I don't understand and that I should go back to school. REALLY?? Well a big fuck you to you but of course I have to keep my cool and be courteous to you. not that you deserve it. Did they teach you courtesy at school? Did they teach you to be nice when someone is yelling at you because they messed up and want you to say its all going to be okay? I tell you, after doing this type of work for 20 years plus, I have grown a thick skin but with things in my life I will admit its getting to me more than it ever did. Maybe I'm just losing my patience as I get older. Maybe I've been doing this too long, maybe I'm resenting the fact that I went from a manager (albeit middle management) position to position everyone else here thinks is a peon position. So not true, well yes it is, we are the whipping posts.  Yet we have to learn and know the policies for all the human resources groups as well as the ones for the separate contracts and unions. Plus remember any anomalies in them and any changes they come up with. I give it to most of us here. I kid and say my memory is going BUT when it comes to work this is not true. I know my stuff, I'm a fucking good employee and I know more and often have to hold back as its no longer my place to say certain things. THAT's one of the hardest things to do. Its not easy keeping quiet when I know something I can help a co worker with, but its not my place as its something proprietary, only a manager or supervisor has to handle. It's frustrating to say the least. I bite my tongue so often as I can be sarcastic, not as good as my hubs ans some of my friends, they are masters, but I can hold my own. LOL Like just a half hour ago. I had to help a woman with information and get her the passwords and codes she needed, and the steps she needed to log into a certain site. The call was a solid 20 minutes. I end the call with you have a great afternoon. She says okay and hangs up.  I looked at the phone and said "The courteous replay is YOU TOO!!"  the person who sits next to me started to laugh. I'm not expecting her first born to bear my name but some common courtesy is always a plus. Dont get me wrong there are some people that are wonderful. Thye are a pleasure to talk with and we laugh too. Im pretty easy to talk to and will talk with anyone really but its getting to me.  I am taking classes for HR in January (if Im still here that is)  I want another position but until hubs find a job I cant leave, for as meager my salary is its the only money coming in.  My bro just texted me no prezzies for adults this year okay?  Fine with me, I will be baking so they will get some goodies but the kids have to get. I have a few people I am getting for. Its not an option for me. LMAO .
    So that's work in a nutshell. Exciting eh? Otherwise its just a day to day, tomorrow I'm headed to the gym, just want to get home tonight, have a bit of a headache. Woke up too early and after the long drive yesterday I guess Im feeling a bit fatigued. awe poor me. :-D  So until next time when I'll have some cute funny things to talk about I will say Ciao For Now

Sunday Evening in Northern VA

     Time to gather my thoughts. It's not easy as they tend to wander all over the place. Nice drive home today sans a little stretch of the New Jersey Turnpike right at the second to last exit (of course). Once I got through, it was smooth sailing the rest of the journey. I made a roast this morning, and packed it all nice for the trip back here. Gave my dad several servings along with the roasted veg. He called to tell me how good it was, he's so cute. Lol
      Spoke to an old friend today and he was quite kind in his comments to me. He reached out to me on Facebook and I was surprised when he did. Had a bit of a history that I kind of regret. Not regret as that's not a good word, but a indiscretion I wish I hadn't done for reasons of my own. Things have changed and it was made mention, it was a relief of sort. The man himself is a nice guy and I had lent and ear way back when, he had some hard times that he said I really helped by listening and not judging. Who the hell am I to judge anyone? Let he without sin throw the first stone, as the tale goes. Haven't read that book in years. Not in my library anymore.  May meet for coffee one day, who knows. He was quite complimentary on my looks. Said I've emerged, lol. I know what he means,  but that has much to do with someone else. Someone who encouraged me, allowed me to express myself and shared things with me I never had dreamed of. He saw something in me, I had hidden years ago. They are coming back, I want to show him all of the changes. Hoping we get to hang out soon in the city. He's not in this country. In the coming year I really really hope.
      I'm trying to keep myself on my walking, that started in England and Paris. I'm doing better. But OMG last night, I felt like I was the turkey , meaning STUFFED! LMAO. Not anymore, last night was funny as shit, I laughed so hard. It felt good, it was much needed. But naughty food is a treat now . Healthy eats, lots more veg and grains, less red meat. (She says as she has almost half a roast in the fridge. LMAO  I'm not done with my journey yet and for the first time in several weeks I'm getting excited by the thoughts of it. I've comes to terms with things that although I'd like to speak about, I'm not going to beat that horse. I'm happy with what I have, those I love and those that love me. It is evident they do. I want the best for them and for me too. I want hubs to get a jib. It's very hard right now and I think that's why I'm easily drawn into thoughts I should stay away from. So here's to Chrimbo, a new year and new adventures. I want lots of them, with my friends and with myself.
     Well I'm going to give my self a deep facial as my skin needs moisture baby!  Lol. Ciao For Now peeps.

Deck The Halls And Not Take Phone Calls Fa La La

     Well maybe not quite that way, but I was off the phones for a few blistfull hours. Excited as another giftie came to my desk. This time for the wifey of my friend. Small tokens of affection. I wish I could watch them open their prezzies. That's the best part isn't it? Seeing if their good at hiding the fact they hate the gifts. BWAHAHAHA   NaH. Methinks they will like these. God I love giving things to people! Lol
      It was nice today, it felt festive and guess what? Yours truly is now in charge of our holiday office party. They want a dessert party. Oh goody -work calories. Think I'm going to make a tira misu. So today I made the cutest flyers for our secret santa. Found a very cute pic of Santa that works well. Took it into excel and made the flyer. We get to pick a name and each one puts a possible three things they want. We will open them at the party. Music, drinks (maybe some adult egg nog lol) a nd no phones for awhile.  My company is too cheap to go to any venue but a few of us are talking about a club in the area. One night closer to Chrimbo.  Dancing, drinks, house music will be fun.
    Not too much tonight, I'm a bit tired. Throat a bit scratchy, honey and lemon. Must not get ill. Well peeps tomorrow I head off to NY in the evening. Can't wait.  So until tomorrow night (I think) ciao for now.

One Of My Favorites

     Don't we all have masks, personally I find them sexy as hell. Thats a very special type of mask though LOL  I am happy to say that I know of a few who know my masks and can see through them to the real me. Love to them!! 

Her hands reached out to caress the lace of her bodice, the candlelight shimmered across the copper folds of her skirt. She looked back at herself as the mirror reflected an image she barely recognized. She had been so many different things to so many different people that she never knew which mask she would reach for. So many to choose from, she allowed herself to be picked apart day by day, being what she needed to be at any given moment. So in time the masks became her shield, her amour, her confidence. But not today, no more would she be a prisoner of her own making. But even with that thought, she looked down and realized, without even knowing,  she had already selected her shield. The mask that would transform her, allow her to interact with society. So it seems this would not change, with a sigh, she resigned herself to fate.  She heard a soft sound and then saw him appear in the mirror behind her. He gazed at her with a look that was far too familiar. He saw through all her masks, even those she kept in her secret place. She wanted to run, but she could not bear to leave. She looked at his reflection in the mirror as she felt him place his hand over hers and lowered her mask. His eyes spoke to her soul and gave her courage. He silently pleaded, and she could not bear to see the raw emotion. Stripped bare of soul they stood there, eyes locked, she understood and nodded. She looked at their reflection the mirror again, her lace, her copper folds, gracefully flowing out. No armour, but soft, vulnerable, and now willing to try. His arms engulfed her, his lips kissed her, and she was alive. He was an angel, sent to her she knew, for even as she put the candle out, the shimmer remained. It came from him and she felt it's heat sink into her. Angel or man? She was uncertain; he was as real to her as she was to herself. So a deep breath quietly left her lips. She placed her hand in his, and together they walked into the world. She felt naked without her mask, but enjoyed the feel of the sun on her skin. She turned to gaze at her man angel, smiled at him, and laughed. It was a sound as joyous as bells on Christmas morning, he simply blew her a kiss, his eyes looking deeply into her soul. Anyone who bothered to look, saw only her flowing copper skirts as she ran towards the gardens, to freedom......alone.

HUMP DAY

     Well made it of the middle of the week, despite the people around me getting what seems to be some sort of plague. Coughing and hacking, losing voices. The ladt next to me is so sick and I wish she stayed home today. I'm cringing at the germs she is spreading  Although those I know and love would not mind I'm sure if I lost my voice. LOL
     I am going to say this and I know it is simple and facebook has already seen part of this but I have to say I am so tired of the media shoving all this negativity down our throats. We are supposed to be a great nation but boy are there issues.  Other nations are trying to shove their ideals on us, but heaven forbid we go to their countries and not adhere to their laws we get punished.  But do that to them here and they say they are mistreated.  BULLSHIT  Come to America live by our rules! Simple  I will do the same courtesy to you. Dont shove Sharia laws down my throat, I am not second class, I am my own operson with the exact same rights as any other American, male or female. I will say what I want and eat whatever meat I want, drink what I want and pray to whomever I please. You don't have to do the same thing that's your choice but dont ever tell me I can't.  hate mongers will not like this, they prey on those with weak minds and unfortunately those in our capital are afraid of not being liked. FUCK THAT  Run your country as you should be doing, taking care of YOUR people not allowing others to sway your laws. Our president is a joke, the next one hopefully will be better. Stand up for the constitution don't re-write it to suit your needs. Our country better get unified fast or kiss it goodbye. We have overseas allys, Work with them and unite even more against these tyrannical people.
    Im not feeling warm and fuzzy today, although my image would allude to that. I sit back and watch more than people think I do. I have thoughts in my head that never get out because I do have some diplomacy and also respect for those around me. Even many don't deserve it but I try to treat those people as I would like to be treated. Thee is a reason I used to be called Owl  LOL   We all have our inner most thoughts and I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve for the most part but I have dark corners that many will never see.
     On a lighter note, I have gotten all but one of my overseas gifties but I think I said that already. I have no idea about Dad, my friends son and my nephew.  Male of the species why you so hard to buy for??? LMAO  Im so easy to get for - anything owls, good liquor, perfume, blue roses china, earrings, bracelets, scented candles or anything handmade. So you all go that right?  HAHAHAHAHAHA  
KIDDING  (maybe LOL)
 Well on that note  I will say ciao for now  :-D

Not a Tonight Dear, Well Maybe. Lol

     I have come back at least 10x trying to get a blog out of my mind. Ain't happening! Been sitting in the same spot for quite some time.  I get up and before I can sensor myself. I say " My ass is all tingly it's going to need a rub!" I hear my husband start to chuckle .....hmmm perhaps I'll have something to blog tomorrow. LMTAO (laughing my tingly ass off)
Ciao For Now. X

Ho Ho Freakin Ho

     Tis the season my friends, so I'm rewriting a song just for all of you: Lunchtime boredom is the reason, LMAO

Sung to the tune of My Favorite Things

Snowflakes on sidewalks, boots at the ready
Online shopping, getting me a teddy
pay pal or charge cards flying out of my purse
these are Christmas things I hate the worst

(ba bum ba bum ba bum ba bum)

Getting up early to shop at the big sales
Listening to others telling shopping horror tales
Crowding and rudeness and choirs that sing
Traffic and cursing are regular things

When the sales blow
when there's more snow
When Im feeling sad
I simply look online and this changes my mood
and then I know I'm ........ just screwed!

Okay this is why I DON'T write songs   hahahahahaha  until later peeps
Ciao For Now

Strange Days Indeed

    I swear I need a new job, I hope hubs gets a job soon. Not only are the employees who call downright rude sometines, they have now instituted a break board. REALLY?? Like we are 5 year olds that need to have our actions documented. I'm a grown woman, I don't think I need to announce that I need to go to the toilet. I've been able to do this on my own now for quite some time,  and I do my job, I get kudos often and have people ask me if they can call me directly as I'm the only one or one of a rare few that actually know what I'm doing.  I get paid shite!! it's the way of the position, but I've taken a big hit this past year and a half. I was out of work 10 months so when I was offered this position I jumped at it, hoping at some point another position might open up in the company I could put in for. No such luck. So here I am stuck pretty much. I tell you as soon as hubs gets a job and is there a few months I'm going to start looking. I was no an executive, hell i was only middle management but I hate having to cow tow to people who think they are so much better than me, yet they are asking rudimentary questions. So who knows more???   Life ain't fair I know,  but fuck sometimes I bite my tongue so much, Im a whipping post to many of these employees. Wears a body down it does!
     Okay so I get home and hubs has wine ready for me. Bless. Feeling a bit better and calmer I go to my Facebook to see a hilarious video by my friend to his kids. All about taking out the recycle trash. Brilliant!!!!  Okay the day is wearing off and I'm feeling better. Then the sneezing starts. Ugh. I can't get sick, NY beckons and I won't miss it. So I am going to have a dose of Lemsip, ( works well, wonder if I ask nicely my friend will send me some) take my make up off and settle in for an early night.  Hopefully asleep by half ten. We shall see. Until next time peeps, ciao for now

Am I Becoming THAT GIRL!? Plus Good Stuff Too lol

     Years ago, someone told me it was not fun being my friend. I was too much work. I'm scared that I'm becoming that woman.  In scared that I am turning people off where I used to, for lack of a better phrase, turn them on. Thing is, when I don't have interaction, or things are scrambled to me I need to speak to that person. This is not always able to be done, for whatever reason. Normally it's just my mind anyway. I overthink every fucking thing. I realize this and gods know I try to hold back and not get frantic, but the more silence I get, the more I push. I just don't want to push people away from me, that would kill me SERIOUSLY IT WOULD!!  It's this season, I want to be with everyone, I'm jealous of those I love when I see them with others. I feel so alone right now. I know I have friends who I love dearly and they love me but it's not the same, not being able to give them a hug or have a drink or a meal with them, is it? Maybe I just feel more, I never really learned portion control. Which led to another situation. My ample figure. Lol but that's cool, I'm okay with that. It's taken awhile to come to terms with that and maybe it will happen here too, it has too. But damn hurry up. I'm so delightful that this blocks that from being evident. :-D
     I found more gifties today for the young ladies on my list. My friends daughters and my niece. I'm loving what I got them just hope they like them. Think they will. Hope they will. Ack. LOL Made some cards today. Only making about 6. My special friends only. Boxed cards for the rest, picked them up on Saturday. I have to look through my stamp collection. I want to find my hedgehog stamps for my friends son. He wants one. He told me this today, he wants one more than anything. His words. Can't blame him they do look cute.  He has awesome reptiles. I was able to hold two of I them when I was there. Little Bo. He was so small and cute, then Shy. She is gorgeous, and has some weight on her. She wrapped on my arm and settled but kept wanting to go up in the crook of my neck.   She is so smooth, snakes get a bad rep.
     I'm feeling a bit better tonight but still not 100%. Must get better as I'm so looking forward to NYC next weekend. Needed as I'm being a loon about friends. I'm needy when it comes to friends. Guilty. But give me a gentle sentence please. Although sometimes strict discipline is needed. Ooh daddy. Lol okay I must feel better. I'm getting naughty. I like naughty, speaking of, the adult store I get stuff from is having a cyber Monday sale. Yes folks, stuff your stocking with a vibrator. Hmmm, not in my stocking.......stop that me. I'm a lady. Yes but I can get my freak on, haven't had the chance in a long time. Getting itchy. But I'm good at scratching my own itches. Another blog for another time. So let's see, I've gone from needy, to Christmasy, to deviant. Yep complete night.  Well I'm going to grab some tea. Then I'm off to bed. So ciao for now. X

Much Brighter AM

     Sunday morning and Christmas season is starting. I'm not fully in the mood yet which for me is very odd. Thing is, life us hard at the moment. I'm struggling with cash, trying to make a house a home although so much needs to be done here. This is not how I envisioned things BUT it is how they are. So I must soldier on and do what I can with what I have. It's been quite awhile since I've had to juggle which bills to pay and live paycheck to paycheck. My in laws just loaned a bit of cash, not much (they have bills too) but it will help this month coming up and even allow for some prezzies for Chrimbo.  I am supplementing with baked goods as well. Sorry but this is a must. I have flour, sugar, etc to bake. And although the gifts are small they come from the heart. I am so so lucky to have friends I can count on. Wether they know it or not, a simple email or conversation brightens up my day. I will smile at the world and at them. I mean that smile, it's not fake and it runs deeper than one would expect. Theses people matter to me, put up with me and here's the weird part - they understand me. Better than I do myself sometimes. So Christmas gifts, yep, no options there. :-)
     Hubs is looking for work, and since I've been back, he's been very attentive. It's been 20 years and love changes. We don't see eye to eye in many things and that's okay, but I wish he'd tone it down in some ways and spice it up in others. Lol. God, are we ever satisfied? I'm really a simple creature, I like to go do what I need to (aka work) go out with friends, laugh a lot, cry at sad movies and have kinky sex sometimes to mix it up with regular sex. Is that too much to ask? LMAO
      I've already gotten a few gifties, I need to get my overseas ones as soon as possible for shipping reasons. It's mt Dad, I never know what to get him. My neighbor in NY said he's taking him to a strip club for a boys night out. :-) He's almost 87. Hope his heart can take it.  Hahaha. Maybe we can give him $40 in singles to take. I'm just trying to picture my dad at a place like that. Know what, I think he'd have fun, and I'm glad about that. I hope it happens. I know my neighbor will look after him.
     Well it's past half 10 and I've done squat so far today. Hubs is reading his A+ certification book. He knows it but is taking the test so he can add it to his resume as then it will be official. I'm off to vacuum our Brady Bunch carpet. Ciao For Now peeps.

Blah :-D

    I'm not feeling great tonight. Have a headache and feeling achy. Went to the gym this morning, did my treadmill and circuit. Came home and did some errands, yet I'm now having tea with the TV on in the  background and getting fidgety. I have some cold meds left from overseas, just took some. Thinking sleep. Tomorrow is laundry, cooking for the week and getting ready for work.
     Been stalking Facebook, looking at friends pics. A few groups I know had get togethers. One was in my fav place, Lancaster PA. Such great pics.   I often wonder though, is it me, that makes people never take a hugging pics with me? I looked at my pics and there are very few of them. Just an odd thought. Lol told you I feel rough.   I'd better go, I'm cranky. Hubs is rubbing my back and it feels really nice, so going to enjoy the massage. :-D. Ciao For Now 

One Line Random thought

Sometimes a not so great memory clouds an amazing one. Choosing to focus on the amazing one.

Half 3 - Ugh

     The only time I want to see this is if I've been partying all night. But not this time.  This time I fell into a turkey coma sometime around 11 last night. Day started early so I was done. Made a lovely pie, the cat then proceeded to make it fall on the floor. Bought one, along with some wine. So the day continued with no more SNAFU's.
     My sis made these apple pie cocktails. They were really tasty and I know this, as I had several just to make sure. Hehehe. The dinner was excellent, conversation good. My niece loved the down vest I brought her back from England, courtesy of my dear friend. He saved my ass but good. She didn't take it off all day. Lol
     Just want to say TGIF to all of you, as I'm in bed and going to try to sleep a few more hours. The stores are open as it's Black Friday. No way am I stepping outside this house right now. Too cozy in bed. So until next blog. Ciao For Now.

I Said I'd Be Back

     Well Happy Thanksgiving one and all. It's now almost 4am, I've been up almost an hour. Lots on my mind. It runs from being determined and confident to omg what am I going to do? I'll settle for a happy medium.
      Was in a rotten mood last night. Then as the night went on I felt better. Got some cuddles from the cat, kisses from the hubs, and I ordered my first Christmas giftie. Like I said before, can't do anything big really but I really wanted to get this for my friend. Things like this make me happy.
      I was treated to a dream, for almost 2 weeks I enjoyed amazing experiences and barely opened my wallet sans for personal items I bought. WHAT? Yep and I'm still in awe at this.  I had help getting there, with my accommodations, again, in awe. I have some amazing friends and on this day I am most thankful for them.  My only real sadness today is that my father will be alone on this Thanksgiving. His neighbors are visiting family, now they did invite him, but he said no. He has not heard from his lady friend so not going there. I feel tears coming right now. I love my dad and wish we were together. He has done so much for me, and it hurts not being able to celebrate with him.
     I will call him later of course. I'm about to go bake pumpkin pies to bring over to my in-laws. I make a mean pie. I'm a good baker.  I'm sad I didn't get the chance to cook for my friends in England. I think I will make cookies and ship them over.  Regular and spelt cookies, for my friend sometimes suffers tummy wise.  Hey if you can't make something special for friends who can you make them for.
      Going to quietly head downstairs for tea. Ciao For Now xx

Short Week and Long Thoughts

     Today is Wednesday, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It's pouring down rain and cold. I really don't mind the rain, but it seems to be the general consensus to complain about it. I also don't mind the cold and as I'm looking out my office window I am seeing the rain switching over to a slushy mix. Guess we may find out how Tink (my car) does in the snow after all :-)  
     I also will be changing my calendar to December as my next work day will be Dec. 1st. This is always a mix of joy and longing for me. Joy because - Christmas. I love this season, it will be a bit more meager this year gift wise but my love for friends an family is a plentiful as always/
OMG  just need to interject  - I had a peppermint mocha this morning at Starbucks (treated myself and I and bouncing off the walls, yapping away and a bit giddy. What is in this stuff  LMFAO
     Headed over to the in-laws tomorrow and then chill for the remaining days off. Gym Saturday, Friday as well if I get the time as I am planning a major bathroom clean and bedroom sorting out.  I mean really - I found my snow boots in their box UNDER a quilt in the bedroom closet. WTH is with that?? They are a blue plaid lace up and oooh daddy - sexy sexy   hahahaha  They look decent and work well and they keep my pedicured tootsies warm. Keepers!!
     I am waiting for the holiday mooching ads to start.  I sound so cynical with that and my heart goes out to all of them truly it does. I know first hand what its like to live paycheck to paycheck and juggle bills. I've watched my credit score go from 765 to just about 600. It sucks but I am very lucky that I still have a rook over my head and a job to go to.  I wish I had money enough to make sure that everyone I know would never want for anything, to be able to enjoy life's adventures in style and elegance while laughing too loud and eating/drinking the finest available. To be able to share the wealth with those that need it. Put clothes on a persons back, a roof over a family, educate a child , allow people to enjoy art and architecture in whichever country they want.  To appreciate the beauty this world can offer.  I mean you can't take it with you.
     As of late here in the US there has been so much turmoil. Riots are going on, racial tension, religious tension. People being killed for voicing an opinion, or for just nit being the same. It is hard for me to grasp this, as i treat people as they treat me, I try not to judge anyone, but dam its hard sometimes. It seems sometimes we are going backwards. I hope calmer minds will prevail.  I'm not political, I can see both sides although I do lean towards conservative, I believe you earn your living and work for what you have, but if the ability to learn is not available to you that's a bad thing as well.
     Okay now its proper snowing out. It looks pretty. It makes me feel better. God I'm a simple biatch!  lol
     Im stopping now, going to make a cup of tea. Always a good thing. I'll be back very soon.  Muah  Ciao For Now

My Body Is So Mad At Me

     At the gym tonight my back said, "bitch, what are you doing to me?"  I said "back, shut up, you'll thank me later on." I'm pushing, but I've got goals man. I need to pace it I know, but I want this more than ever. Things in my life are changing, I need strength and energy. I want to be like a caterpillar and emerge a butterfly. Oh but shouldn't I work for a card company with lines like that. Lol
     So the snow we are getting is not going to be anything crazy. I knew it wouldn't but at least it won't be nuts getting home. Then again, who knows it may change again and we'll get pounded. Thursday will be spent at the in-laws and Friday is bathroom cleaning day. Such an elaborate day, be still my heart.
      I have plans, surprises for people I know in the coming year, maybe a new job. Yep I'm looking after the new year, once hubs gets a job.  I'm wasted where I am, I'm a fuckin great employee. I will do more than my share, help where needed, etc, and I'm likable. I get along with pretty much everyone. I'm well versed when composing proper emails. Enough about that.  I'm going to have those around me, want me around - big time!
     Like I said I am in pain, good pain though. Shower is needed. So ciao for now.

Quick Lunch Blog

     Okay back to work today and amazing how it feels like I never left. I, like a dumb bunny, forgot to set my out if office, so I had over 500 emails to go through. Good think i came in early today. LOL Its good to be back I suppose and it felt like I've never left. I was greeted with much enthusiasm, but one wonders was it that they are glad to see me or that they are glad to see me since the phone cue is tremendous right now. I'll go for the first one.  I handed out my key chains to the group and I am not sure how I did it but I got exactly enough. WHEW!!!  Genius I am, its the only answer. LOL
     Hubs has been amorous since I've been back, a very welcome change. We even took a little video of me LOL  Oh stop that, I'm an adult with a very healthy carnal appetite. Let me have this!! ;-D  I've also been continuing on my healthy eating quest. Not diet, healthy! BIG difference and I'm hitting the gym tonight or in the am, not sure which -  but in the next 24 hours my ass will be doing the circuit and treadmill. I made a promise and I intend to keep it, I had bought a sexy little piece of bedroom attire that now fits wonderfully. No I cant share that pic here - sorry  HAHAHAHAAHA
     My hair is back to looking decent, my god but over in England it had a mind of its own. OMG It was horrid. The lovely lady of the manor I was staying at (LOL) is a hairdresser and she recommended an intense hair treatment. I did one and I also gave myself a more ash blonde look. I may go lighter again come the summer but winter hair is here, I like it
    I am excited about getting more ink this year as well. Upper thigh this time or inner leg. I may get a collar piece instead ans I have been wanting to get rid of my "titty kitty for some time now. I shall see. This is a year of change for me.
    I am amazed at how nothing here has changed.  I would have thought maybe in two weeks that things may have been a but different,  I need to change my world up a bit. Spoke to hubs,  told him I don't like our home. It needs so much done and after being in a lovely home and also missing my NY home we discussed it and Im thinking in the new year - we are doing minimal upkeep and then selling as is. Moving into a two bedroom condo in 2015  Thats my hope anyway. More to come on that in other blogs
     We got bad news on a financial issue so not happy there.  I am weighing in tomorrow to see what my start weight is now. I lost just under 4 lbs while on vaca, hot damn!!
Just saw that we are expecting snow on Wednesday  its 70 degrees right now  LMAO   ah Mother nature is as crazy as me.  Ciao For now lovelies  

GOD!! Why do I love beating dead horses

Really???????   I do this  and its just because I cant verbally tell someone something and then I get all stupid!  I did it again in an email just an hour back I hope the recipient understands what I mean and that Im not hounding him   UGH Im an arse!!!

No Christmas Music Yet - PLEASE!

It has been a long time tradition that the radio stations here in America, will start playing Christmas music either on Thanksgiving day, or the day after. So imagine my surprise when I switch my cars entertainment system from my iPod to the radio and I'm listening to Michael Buble singing that he'll be home for Christmas. I roll my eyes and switch back to my iPod so now Bruno Mars is telling me he'd catch a grenade for me. Lol That's better, and I put my car into reverse, get out of my parking spot then off on my way home.  Look, it's not that I don't like Christmas music, I do, very much.  The music I like runs from the afore mentioned, Mr. Buble to Run DMC's Christmas In Hollis (which is the town next to where I grew up - cool huh? LOL) I also have an awesome jazz Christmas cd that's smooth as 20 year old scotch. I love Christmas.  My thing is there is a tiny part of me that gets sad when these songs come on. I don't have a large family, my friends are scattered so I don't wake up on Christmas morning and get to see the faces of those I love as they unwrap their prezzies. I want to hug and kiss them all and tell them I love them. That they mean the world to me. Truth is I miss the Christmas I used to have. Big family get togethers. Me, my Mom and Grandma cooking all night. Those days are no more. Everyone of us, all us cousins now have our own families. Different states and countries. No more kids tables, or tons of aluminum foil covered leftovers handed out to you as you left the house. Sometimes it feels like when my mother died, Christmas died with her. Yes it makes me cry, but then again, everything makes me cry. LMAO.
     I got my present this year already, I have friends who for whatever reason, love me. This is a fact. I love them too, very much. They are family, my family. They are special, hurt them and I will freak out on you and you will be the one hurting.
     So this was the thought running through my head at 7 am on a Sunday. I'm a bit broke this Christmas, so I'm thinking handmade gifts for the adults. The kids, well, it's Christmas. Always a way for them right?
     I'm out of here peeps. Going to put the kettle on and have some tea.  Oh my friend, I miss your coffee in the mornings, it was lush. But good tea, is always lovely.  So until later.  Ciao For Now.

So Long England

     I said I wouldn't cry - I was mistaken.
     Until next time my friend - I love you.  💋❤️

Ciao For Now

Really??!!

    In life things change. Sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad and then sometimes it's just a natural progress as in the change of the seasons. It's just what happens. But we look at the trees in winter and remember the full blossoms and sweet scents through the leaves clearly and we long for it.  We can love the look of the snow and ice caressing the branches and how beautiful it is, wouldn't change it at all as it's perfect. You love how it is and the surrounding landscape. Take in the stillness and beauty around you. Yet in the back of your mind you will always envision the full sweet blooms of summer. For it was summer when you first smelled the seductive scent of those gorgeous blooms. You will always be moved and yearn for them. Perhaps you will one day again hold those blossoms in your hand, take in the sweet intoxicating scent and enjoy them.
     You know this was going to happen and as much as you wish it didn't. Yet you love the fact it did happen - it just pushes you forward to even more changes. You love the newness of it, the deep feelings of a sense of home. Yes-  Change is good Change is good Change is good!!  But god how memories are good as well. Don't we want it all? Lol   But as a friend recently told me. I'm only human. :-D   Ciao For Now

Feeling Proper Posh I Is

     I'm sitting having a lovely breakfast in the executive lounge, Michael Buble playing in the background. I slept with the Tower Bridge keeping sentry outside my window. I'm having drinks later on Canary Wharf. I am such a lucky girl. Some issues at home have crept up but as all storm clouds they have passed over for now. Today is a morning of recoup for me. My dear dear friend and his family/friends have made sure I have the most amazing visit. As I have mentioned PARIS was surreal. Was I really there? Yes I was. Now I'm in London. Having spent a week (almost) in St Neots. I experienced my first kitchen party. Very interesting as I spent about an hour of it with a turkey mask on my head. Lol nice time, copious amount of alcohol flowing. Not talking your basic gin and tonic. I mean lovely cocktails with a taste of lemon, mint, vanilla and caramel.  These concoctions were made by my friend and one other, well, new friend. I think I may have drank more in this last week than in the last 6 months. At home I tend not to drink as I need my wits about me since hubs has the skin issues.  He drinks to sleep and I'm worried that at any moment I'll have to drive to the hospital or someplace. So I nee a clear head. Which is why I may be letting go a bit more. I also know my friend will keep an eye on me and let me know if I'm turning into a total fool.  So far so good. :-)  I am in a bit discomfort this morning as my leg still hurts from the other day and my chest is a bit congested. Nothing serious but it's making me have trouble breathing do I am walking badly and stopping even more than usual.  He is taking it in stride and I love him for it. Today won't be too much walking and I'm grateful  for the reprieve. Tomorrow is a boat ride or a open your bus. I'm meeting up with another friend. I met her earlier this week for lunch in Milton Keynes. Will be a nice day. Then I'm off to Heathrow early Thursday morning. I don't want to go back. Lol. Plus I am so sad that I won't see my friend before I leave. Damn tears (again!!) they start when I thonknkf this. - yes I know. Don't think of it. Haha simple right? Yeah - no. Not for me. This trip has made me aware of so many things. Things that need to be worked on. Me for starters. I'm in pain. Not going to lie. But my resolve is stronger than ever. My hubs and I need to have a proper sit down. I need to improve my life. Steps at a time of course but I've allowed myself to let things slide. I love my hubs to pieces but we need to iron things out. My friend and his family, well, I love them. Those kids are wonderful. Talented too.  His wife is lovely and I'm sure happy to get her home back. Haha. I was made to feel at home the moment I crossed the threshold. She even cut my hair for me. Wow!! I was treated as family and also like a queen.
     My friend well hell, I love him to the moon and back. I wish nothing but the best of everything for him. He deserves it and if I've told him this once I've told him ad nausium how much I treadure our friendship. So now I've downed my last but of Earl Grey. And am headed outside.  I will be back shortly though to take a nice cleansing and relaxing bath before this afternoon. So until next time. Ciao For Now

Next Stop London

I'm excited, looking forward to it. But also sad, soppy. And already missing these people.  More tomorrow. Ciao for now

Paris Day 1 Just a quickie

     What can I say PARIS!! Tonight I am sitting on the balcony of my hotel room on Rue Pappion. Interestingly I know this means Butterfly street. I am, at this moment just so overcome with emotions. Today I was up at 5am. We met up with lovely people and then we took the Eurostar to France. We had 2 bottles of fizz and sandwiches. How interesting to have an international section but whoot whoot I now have another stamp in my passport. Was awesome to meet my friends sister at the train early this morning. Will see her later this week. Beautiful woman and huge boobs that I am envious of lmao.
     We all know I'm shirt and round. Today I walked so much. This is a good thing. I must press on but oh my god. My legs were killing me. These people I am with. These amazing people are taking it in stride. I'm both proud of myself and embarrassed both at this walking and having to cab it.
     Paris is amazing. We went by the Moulaun Rouge (spelt wrong I'm sure)  and so many sex shops.  I saw a few things I really liked. Hey a new toy maybe? I like toys. Lol
We got on a tour bus from there. Drive the city and when it ended we went to The Buddha Bar. What an amazing place. Wonderful atmosphere and drinks. On the way there had a nice chat with my friend as he and I took the cab. He's a wonderful man, he mentioned things to me and it's so warming to know that our friendship is one of honesty and trust. Such a rare occurrence these days. I mean here is a man who I know was genuinely concerned when I hit personal snag. He has always encouraged me to do better but in a way to let me know I'm fine but it would not be a bad thing to refine myself at the same time? Understand that? Okay if not. We do.  I have a lifelong friend that I connect with and that's just a blessing. I'm looking at the room light coming from his and his wife's hotel room right now. We share a balcony. Oh yes. I am looking out at ancient buildings that have balconied and window boxes. You can picture the old days in your head. There's a feeling about Paris that can't be explained. Only experienced. Tonight we found a lovely Italian restaurant with superb food and a hands on chef who was a delight. I got drunk. Are amazing risotto. Had lots of laughs and this brings me to the start. Sitting looking out. Starting up at the sky. Once again I'm weeping again as I thank The Mother Goddess for bringing these people into my life. I'm silly I'm soppy and getting sleepy. So I'll say good night and ciao for now.

England - I Have arrived.

     Arrived at Hesthrow this morning. Flight had a bit of turbulence but was fast. Good tailwinds. So I know know what it's like going through TSA security and customs. Not bad really. I will say Hesthrow is huge. My friend picked me up at the airport. All was smooth sailing until I couldn't find my suitcase. Finally did but not after I had a mini freak out. I was taken to Starbucks for a much needed caffeine jolt and then we got to his home where I met the family. They are the warmest, sweetest most welcoming group I've met in a long time. I can't thank them enough for all they are doing for me. I'm getting a bit weepy right now. These fabulous people are not only showing me this beautiful land but they are taking me to Paris. FRANCE!! OMG!!!  I will never be able to repay theses kindnesses , and just want them to know that now, that I've finally met those who up until this time were only faces on  Skype and FaceTime , that they are wonderful and I love them. Forget Buckingham Palace in the one being treated like a queen. My friend works hard and plays hard and has the biggest heart. Anyone ever try to hurt these people I will go after them and I mean that.
     I got to play with my friends sons snake.  Gorgeous oh and Oscar the family pooch is just soooooo fookin cute. Cuddle monkey he is.
     I met up with other family today as well. Mom and dad and brother and sister of my friends wife. Oh and the two nieces as well. They are precious little girls with huge lovely eyes. Was a lovely afternoon and u had pork pie for the first time as well as my first parsnip. I thought I had had one before and didn't like it but I was wrong. This was lovely. I couldn't finish dinner and I wa s saddened by this as it was delicious. Roasted chicken with a yummy gravy and veg and afire mentioned parsnip and Brussels. Then Banoffe pie for afters. I waddled off to bed tonight but not before a Sazerac nightcap. Was really good and OMG the liquor cabinet was a thing of beauty indeed. Can't wait to sample some of my friends concoctions later this week. I will be back in a few days with more. My heart is so full of love for these people and awe at the things they are giving me. Beautiful family and not because of the trip or sightseeing but simply by their character and if all we did was just stay home. I would be just as thrilled with my trip. In the local vernacular I am chuffed to bits. Ciao for now peeps.

I Should Be Asleep

     But I'm not! I'm not sleepy really and I'm kind of hoping that by being up now, I will be able to sleep on the plane. Yes boys and girls the day is here, I leave for England this evening. I'm arriving there at about half 7 Sunday morning. My friend is picking me up and I have a sneaking suspicion that his youngest will be with him. I can not wait to give her huge hugs. Gorgeous girl, all his children are beautiful.
     I packed my bag last night, just a few odds and ends to go in this morning. It's a bit surreal to be sure. I'm both excited beyond belief and calm at the same time. Of course my tooth chipped sometime between 10 and 4 this morning. The back part and although it's not bad I can feel it. And I have a pimple on my girl parts. I had a Brazilian done so perhaps an ingrown hair? Joy- LMAO but it's not going to take away from my trip. We are all adults here and understand that we are not airbrushed to perfection.
  Hubs is sound asleep and I'm debating on going in for cuddles before the alarm goes off  in roughly an hour and a half . I'm going to miss him so much. It's hard right now, me being the only one working, we will get by, I know I this.
    My mind is over active but all is done, work this week was hell so I need this vacation lol I'll post more later this week. Stay cool peeps and ciao for now. Cheerio! Hehe

4 More Sleeps

     Okay yes I am getting excited, hehe, soon I will be on the other side of the Atlantic.  I'm loving that fact that I even got a free duffel bag that has owls on it. Wasn't expecting it but was nice. Peeps I had to say I did something I've wanted to do for awhile but always felt I was too fat. Well I've lost weight so today I went to get a professional waxing down. I'm talking full Brazilian and legs. She was wonderful. I was a quite relaxed despite the fact that my girl junk was hanging out on the table. She and I were chatting about pain tolerance. Mines decent, I mean sitting 4.5 hours getting some ink can be painful but I didn't  think this waxing was bad at all. She was quick, and knew her stuff. I was very impressed. I love it and I really had no "fat" issues either. I'm so over being embarrassed by how I look. Not that I was, but I was obsessing over meeting all these wonderful people in England. I'm so dumb sometimes, I'm fine. I will be fine. We are going to have a blast. I admit I would like to chat with my friend now. It just seems odd not to have seen him in NY. This makes twice now. So close BUT I am going to see him Sunday. I said I'd like to not must, I'm not that possessive. I know I am over zealous  with friends sometimes but I'm not stupid. I like to share things.  Another dear friend, well she has gone above & beyond. She has loaned me things to take and I can't thank her enough for her kindness. yes you guys know who you are. Love you both and I want you to all the best ever.    Tomorrow is my mani/pedi. God I sound like such a primadonna. Lmao I just like to be well groomed.  Just chilling with hubs tonight. He's being so sweet and picking me up slippers tomorrow.  Although I love being barefoot. Dad keeps telling me to text him when I get there. I said Dad it will be 3in the morning. He then said call later then. Lol. I hope I can sleep on the plane.  Perhaps, an allergy pill and a few cocktails will put me out.  Hehehe. Well I need to get to bed so I'll say goodnight. And ciao for now.

I'm just drained.

 Busy day, not much going on. Forgot my wallet at home - brilliant I know. Lol I'll be back in a few days peeps. Headed to NY this weekend. I'll be back Sunday night , so have funky weekend
Ciao For Now. :-)

17 Years

     Yep, it was 17 years ago today that my Mother died. Yes I'm sad, I'm weepy but I'm also happy. Happy that I had such a wonderful woman to call Mom. It's quiet in the house this early morning (1:24am to be exact). I am alone with my thoughts of her.  Like a blanket they warm me, but from the inside out. So I guess it's not really like a blanket. More like a hot flash! Maybe it is an actual hot flash, OMG!  Getting backto Mom. She was one hell of a woman boy! I tell ya, she spoke her mind. Never worried what others thought of her, and also never cared if she had lots of friends. Mainly because she knew she had the right ones. She always taught me to be nice to everyone but it was better to have a small circle of true friends, than have an address book of Christmas card friends. Took me awhile, into my mid  20's to realize what she meant. So true. I got hurt a lot back then. I gave so much and was surprised I didn't get the same back. I'm smarter now. My friends are the ones I trust. It's a handful, no where near what it once was. Oh I'm still nice to people, I genuinely like people, but my trust is given to special people. I think they know who they are. You all should, you're the ones I annoy all the time. LMAO
     Mom and I loved houses. Looking at them, decorating them in our heads. To this day when I look at a house or apartment, my first thought is - where will I put the Christmas tree? Pure and simple, my mothers exact thought. She comes through to me in odd ways, but always welcome. I'll cook one of her recipes and hear her words in my head, I'll see pictures of something she used and think of her. I still she the ghosts of the past when I visit my Dad. She still inhabits the home. I can tell you stories, going back to when I was very young. Things she said or did. She could be a bit raunchy at times. Once they older people were all in the dining room laughing, they were talking about some family member (a cousin of mine, Italians have lots of cousins) she had just gotten married and my mom said they didn't use candles in their bedroom. Just a string of lights shaped like cherries. Everyone laughed and I remember thinking why is that funny. When I got older I realized mom was making a joke about her being a virgin on her wedding night. Really now mom, naughty naughty! Haha or when I got old enough to realize why her underpants were wadded up under her pillow in the morning when I would get the sheets for the washing. Oh god, my parents were still doing it! They were like 40!!! Yeah not so shocking an age now. Ah time heals wounds they say, well it also brings clarity. I have to laugh, mom was a woman. With women's needs and wants. You go mom. ;-)
     She was fiercely independent as well. Took no shit. She could take it as good as she gave it too.
I could bore you to tears talking about her. I won't though as I'm going to go to sleep now and dream of her. Love them while they are here peeps. Because one day they will be gone and live only in your memory - but also in your hearts.  Ciao For Now

Not optimum

Feel queezy. Stomachs all topsy turvy. No blog tonight peeps ciao for now.

The Moment You Realize - Almost Here

     I feel calm tonight and well that concerns me. Lmao. Today I woke up way too early. I know the clocks turned back and hour, but even so I've been tired today. Got stuff done but here it is, just after 10pm and I'm settled in bed. Propped up watching a show on vintage cakes and sweets. Just what I need - right? I am a vintage junkie. It's gotten more so as I get older. Maybe it's just that I'm more vintage HAHA.
      OMG two weeks from now I will be in England. I'm really getting excited now. Another lady I know wants to we me maybe that Tuesday before I leave. She's got lots going on and so I told her let me know. Will be nice to have some drinks and a bite out.  Now one place I do want to go and Ive bugged my friend to take me to Platau. He graciously is going to. I am over the top of how sweet he and his family are being for me. I can't wait. Squeal. Lol.
      Well peeps. I'm content. I love my friends here and across the pond. Im blessed. I am saying ciao for now and have a funky week ahead.

Soppy Sausage

Just watched an episode of Bones. It was one with Booths grandpa. Long story short, I'm crying. Made me think of my mom. Really missing Her now. Prosecco drunk, perhaps this explains it. Lol

In The Still Of The Night

      I know another song title. Lol didn't plan it but it's almost 1am & I should be asleep. Not tired although I'm sure I will be asleep soon after I'm done here. I just feel compelled to spill my heart out. Or my guts, whichever is messy. Lol
     I was talking with an old friend yesterday, my oldest friend. Met him when I was about 18 months old and he was almost 5. Mike is the brother I never had. Sure we dated when I hit the late teen years, fogged up many a car window at Alley Pond Park but  we are much better friends. We haven't seen each other in a few years but we caught up on the phone. I never realized he laughs just like my dad does. A Queens NY laugh maybe? Lol  Speaking with him brought usual nostalgia but tonight I'm thinking back on more like the last 10 years or so. I met my hubby when I was at my heaviest, I lost weight before my wedding and my gown still had to be let out. Largest size David's Bridal carried. Today it's so big on me but I digress. Like I said I lost weight but after getting married, my mom got I'll and I didn't care about me, just work and came home. Enjoyed making and eating full big meals for my husband (still do but smarter choices now -usually lol) so I gained wright again, more after mom passed away. Not sure why, guilt of not being a better daughter, anger at her leaving, fear she wouldn't be there to help me. Got upset I couldn't conceive but that's a different tale. Anyway----I didn't see the scale moving up. And up it went. Dear friends I will be blunt. I got huge. I made the scale say ouch. I know it. I wasn't happy but dud nothing about it. Hubs loved me.  We moved and I hot worse. Hated being here, no one around to hang out with. But slowly I hot a job and met people. Got better but still not watching my weight. Then one day around 2005, when I was at my lowest. I decided enough was enough.  Talked life through with hubs, he still loved me and I him, so all good there. Had a new job, better than old one, good there too. Then stepped on the scale and almost died. I broke into tears. It said, gulp, over 300 pounds! And I don't mean 3 pounds over, I mean over. At 5feet tall I was a sphere. So I started to lose weight. For some time now I've list weight and gained some back alwAys centering around that 300 mark . Tonight I'm thinking of me at my heaviest and me now. I always wanted to lose100 pounds, as of tonight when I weighed in I have. I'm surprised, happy and embarrassed by this. Looking at me you would tell me I need to lose another 100 pounds. You would be right if I wNted to weigh under what I should but I do still need to lies another 60 or so. I'm ashamed at myself that I didn't do this sooner and also that I weaken at sweets and carbs. These delicious evils make be out of breath when I walk, and does not allow me to ride roller coasters. I'm better on walking not where I wNted to be but better. Roller coasters are a hope for next season. I have been blessed by friends who loom past my outer shell.
      Now I've 2 weeks to go before I get my ass on a plane. It's been 12 years since I've flown, I have no idea how I will fit. I'm not looking forward to the look I'm going to get from the passengers next to me. Oddest thing is I'm slimmer now then when I got married. . But people don't know that.  I wanted to WOW the friends over in England, and it's all me I know. They tease and joke but they are a great group. You see I look at the world with fat eyes. I know I'm pretty, but I wanted to be the most pretty ever. Men you may not get that, perhaps it's a silly female thing. So yes I am beyond excited to go to England, it's a dream come true for me. I just wish I had been a bit more diligent and perhaps another 20 lbs lighter. I'm not so I'm going to keep at this. It's been a long long struggle but having the love and support of family and my dear friends I'll get there.
       Just forgive me if I say dumb things or act weird sometimes. My female friends I will always be jealous of your hair and independence , my male friends I will always be a bit possessive of you. I do not do any of this out of malice it's just that you are all so special and I love you and I'm very protective of those I love. I want to guard and make sure I'm always a part of what's going on, because , hey, you matter so much. I've learned to back off and chill. It's almost as hard as losing weight for me.  Be gentle, please tell me if I'm too much. I understand and take no offense as I don't even realize some of the shit I do.
     So I think I may finally go to sleep, yep you're all thinking what the hell did she go on about. Lol I know. Love you. Ciao For Now

Reflections Of.....The Way Life Used To Be

     Yeah, I admit it, I sang that line. Lol. Sitting here thinking about a call I had from a very nice man this morning. He had me laughing as he talked about how great his childhood was and kids now a days will never know the joy of drinking from a garden hose. Funny thing was he kept on saying that he knew he sounded funny but I should ask my parents, that they would agree. I said I know what he means then he said something that made me realize he thought I was about 24 or so. 24? Me? Do I sound that young? I don't think so. Lmao was nice though, and for the record, I drank from the hose many a summers day.
     God knows I sure as hell don't look 24, not with these wrinkles as of late. Oh I'm not crying of how I have wrinkles. It's the price of getting older. They're not terrible, but oh hell the bags under my eyes lately have been bad. Not feeling optimum so they are darker and seem more pronounced, but in hoping they get better as I do. Plus a new bed would help but perhaps a week and a half in good English air and good bed will help. Wonder if I'll wake up one morning and there will be a snake in the bed. I love them and looking forward to seeing them. I also am looking forward to meeting the King pup of the home. He's so adorable, I want to give him such cuddles, kisses all over. Hahaha
      I'm concerned still about all my walking. I'm walking better but no where near where I think I should be. It's treadmill Sprint time right now, although I'm sure I'll be walking slow looking at every little thing I see. Lol oh man I don't want to shame anyone much less me. Just a little fear, not going to obsess on it. Can't wait to window shop, have a spa day with the girls, although I'm thinking it will be at home and not a spa as they are under 16. That's cool though, more laughs maybe we girls can get the menfolk to enjoy a facial scrub as well. :-)  oh I want pictures. Lmao
      I'm just chatting right now, so I'm going to get going, plus the show Castle is about to come on. Hehe love this show. Hubs and I watch it together every week. Bit of us time we always count on. Tea, show, nighttime routine then bed. Boring? Maybe, but I find comfort in it. So until next time, Ciao For Now.