Short Week and Long Thoughts

     Today is Wednesday, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It's pouring down rain and cold. I really don't mind the rain, but it seems to be the general consensus to complain about it. I also don't mind the cold and as I'm looking out my office window I am seeing the rain switching over to a slushy mix. Guess we may find out how Tink (my car) does in the snow after all :-)  
     I also will be changing my calendar to December as my next work day will be Dec. 1st. This is always a mix of joy and longing for me. Joy because - Christmas. I love this season, it will be a bit more meager this year gift wise but my love for friends an family is a plentiful as always/
OMG  just need to interject  - I had a peppermint mocha this morning at Starbucks (treated myself and I and bouncing off the walls, yapping away and a bit giddy. What is in this stuff  LMFAO
     Headed over to the in-laws tomorrow and then chill for the remaining days off. Gym Saturday, Friday as well if I get the time as I am planning a major bathroom clean and bedroom sorting out.  I mean really - I found my snow boots in their box UNDER a quilt in the bedroom closet. WTH is with that?? They are a blue plaid lace up and oooh daddy - sexy sexy   hahahaha  They look decent and work well and they keep my pedicured tootsies warm. Keepers!!
     I am waiting for the holiday mooching ads to start.  I sound so cynical with that and my heart goes out to all of them truly it does. I know first hand what its like to live paycheck to paycheck and juggle bills. I've watched my credit score go from 765 to just about 600. It sucks but I am very lucky that I still have a rook over my head and a job to go to.  I wish I had money enough to make sure that everyone I know would never want for anything, to be able to enjoy life's adventures in style and elegance while laughing too loud and eating/drinking the finest available. To be able to share the wealth with those that need it. Put clothes on a persons back, a roof over a family, educate a child , allow people to enjoy art and architecture in whichever country they want.  To appreciate the beauty this world can offer.  I mean you can't take it with you.
     As of late here in the US there has been so much turmoil. Riots are going on, racial tension, religious tension. People being killed for voicing an opinion, or for just nit being the same. It is hard for me to grasp this, as i treat people as they treat me, I try not to judge anyone, but dam its hard sometimes. It seems sometimes we are going backwards. I hope calmer minds will prevail.  I'm not political, I can see both sides although I do lean towards conservative, I believe you earn your living and work for what you have, but if the ability to learn is not available to you that's a bad thing as well.
     Okay now its proper snowing out. It looks pretty. It makes me feel better. God I'm a simple biatch!  lol
     Im stopping now, going to make a cup of tea. Always a good thing. I'll be back very soon.  Muah  Ciao For Now

My Body Is So Mad At Me

     At the gym tonight my back said, "bitch, what are you doing to me?"  I said "back, shut up, you'll thank me later on." I'm pushing, but I've got goals man. I need to pace it I know, but I want this more than ever. Things in my life are changing, I need strength and energy. I want to be like a caterpillar and emerge a butterfly. Oh but shouldn't I work for a card company with lines like that. Lol
     So the snow we are getting is not going to be anything crazy. I knew it wouldn't but at least it won't be nuts getting home. Then again, who knows it may change again and we'll get pounded. Thursday will be spent at the in-laws and Friday is bathroom cleaning day. Such an elaborate day, be still my heart.
      I have plans, surprises for people I know in the coming year, maybe a new job. Yep I'm looking after the new year, once hubs gets a job.  I'm wasted where I am, I'm a fuckin great employee. I will do more than my share, help where needed, etc, and I'm likable. I get along with pretty much everyone. I'm well versed when composing proper emails. Enough about that.  I'm going to have those around me, want me around - big time!
     Like I said I am in pain, good pain though. Shower is needed. So ciao for now.

Quick Lunch Blog

     Okay back to work today and amazing how it feels like I never left. I, like a dumb bunny, forgot to set my out if office, so I had over 500 emails to go through. Good think i came in early today. LOL Its good to be back I suppose and it felt like I've never left. I was greeted with much enthusiasm, but one wonders was it that they are glad to see me or that they are glad to see me since the phone cue is tremendous right now. I'll go for the first one.  I handed out my key chains to the group and I am not sure how I did it but I got exactly enough. WHEW!!!  Genius I am, its the only answer. LOL
     Hubs has been amorous since I've been back, a very welcome change. We even took a little video of me LOL  Oh stop that, I'm an adult with a very healthy carnal appetite. Let me have this!! ;-D  I've also been continuing on my healthy eating quest. Not diet, healthy! BIG difference and I'm hitting the gym tonight or in the am, not sure which -  but in the next 24 hours my ass will be doing the circuit and treadmill. I made a promise and I intend to keep it, I had bought a sexy little piece of bedroom attire that now fits wonderfully. No I cant share that pic here - sorry  HAHAHAHAAHA
     My hair is back to looking decent, my god but over in England it had a mind of its own. OMG It was horrid. The lovely lady of the manor I was staying at (LOL) is a hairdresser and she recommended an intense hair treatment. I did one and I also gave myself a more ash blonde look. I may go lighter again come the summer but winter hair is here, I like it
    I am excited about getting more ink this year as well. Upper thigh this time or inner leg. I may get a collar piece instead ans I have been wanting to get rid of my "titty kitty for some time now. I shall see. This is a year of change for me.
    I am amazed at how nothing here has changed.  I would have thought maybe in two weeks that things may have been a but different,  I need to change my world up a bit. Spoke to hubs,  told him I don't like our home. It needs so much done and after being in a lovely home and also missing my NY home we discussed it and Im thinking in the new year - we are doing minimal upkeep and then selling as is. Moving into a two bedroom condo in 2015  Thats my hope anyway. More to come on that in other blogs
     We got bad news on a financial issue so not happy there.  I am weighing in tomorrow to see what my start weight is now. I lost just under 4 lbs while on vaca, hot damn!!
Just saw that we are expecting snow on Wednesday  its 70 degrees right now  LMAO   ah Mother nature is as crazy as me.  Ciao For now lovelies  

GOD!! Why do I love beating dead horses

Really???????   I do this  and its just because I cant verbally tell someone something and then I get all stupid!  I did it again in an email just an hour back I hope the recipient understands what I mean and that Im not hounding him   UGH Im an arse!!!

No Christmas Music Yet - PLEASE!

It has been a long time tradition that the radio stations here in America, will start playing Christmas music either on Thanksgiving day, or the day after. So imagine my surprise when I switch my cars entertainment system from my iPod to the radio and I'm listening to Michael Buble singing that he'll be home for Christmas. I roll my eyes and switch back to my iPod so now Bruno Mars is telling me he'd catch a grenade for me. Lol That's better, and I put my car into reverse, get out of my parking spot then off on my way home.  Look, it's not that I don't like Christmas music, I do, very much.  The music I like runs from the afore mentioned, Mr. Buble to Run DMC's Christmas In Hollis (which is the town next to where I grew up - cool huh? LOL) I also have an awesome jazz Christmas cd that's smooth as 20 year old scotch. I love Christmas.  My thing is there is a tiny part of me that gets sad when these songs come on. I don't have a large family, my friends are scattered so I don't wake up on Christmas morning and get to see the faces of those I love as they unwrap their prezzies. I want to hug and kiss them all and tell them I love them. That they mean the world to me. Truth is I miss the Christmas I used to have. Big family get togethers. Me, my Mom and Grandma cooking all night. Those days are no more. Everyone of us, all us cousins now have our own families. Different states and countries. No more kids tables, or tons of aluminum foil covered leftovers handed out to you as you left the house. Sometimes it feels like when my mother died, Christmas died with her. Yes it makes me cry, but then again, everything makes me cry. LMAO.
     I got my present this year already, I have friends who for whatever reason, love me. This is a fact. I love them too, very much. They are family, my family. They are special, hurt them and I will freak out on you and you will be the one hurting.
     So this was the thought running through my head at 7 am on a Sunday. I'm a bit broke this Christmas, so I'm thinking handmade gifts for the adults. The kids, well, it's Christmas. Always a way for them right?
     I'm out of here peeps. Going to put the kettle on and have some tea.  Oh my friend, I miss your coffee in the mornings, it was lush. But good tea, is always lovely.  So until later.  Ciao For Now.

So Long England

     I said I wouldn't cry - I was mistaken.
     Until next time my friend - I love you.  💋❤️

Ciao For Now

Really??!!

    In life things change. Sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad and then sometimes it's just a natural progress as in the change of the seasons. It's just what happens. But we look at the trees in winter and remember the full blossoms and sweet scents through the leaves clearly and we long for it.  We can love the look of the snow and ice caressing the branches and how beautiful it is, wouldn't change it at all as it's perfect. You love how it is and the surrounding landscape. Take in the stillness and beauty around you. Yet in the back of your mind you will always envision the full sweet blooms of summer. For it was summer when you first smelled the seductive scent of those gorgeous blooms. You will always be moved and yearn for them. Perhaps you will one day again hold those blossoms in your hand, take in the sweet intoxicating scent and enjoy them.
     You know this was going to happen and as much as you wish it didn't. Yet you love the fact it did happen - it just pushes you forward to even more changes. You love the newness of it, the deep feelings of a sense of home. Yes-  Change is good Change is good Change is good!!  But god how memories are good as well. Don't we want it all? Lol   But as a friend recently told me. I'm only human. :-D   Ciao For Now

Feeling Proper Posh I Is

     I'm sitting having a lovely breakfast in the executive lounge, Michael Buble playing in the background. I slept with the Tower Bridge keeping sentry outside my window. I'm having drinks later on Canary Wharf. I am such a lucky girl. Some issues at home have crept up but as all storm clouds they have passed over for now. Today is a morning of recoup for me. My dear dear friend and his family/friends have made sure I have the most amazing visit. As I have mentioned PARIS was surreal. Was I really there? Yes I was. Now I'm in London. Having spent a week (almost) in St Neots. I experienced my first kitchen party. Very interesting as I spent about an hour of it with a turkey mask on my head. Lol nice time, copious amount of alcohol flowing. Not talking your basic gin and tonic. I mean lovely cocktails with a taste of lemon, mint, vanilla and caramel.  These concoctions were made by my friend and one other, well, new friend. I think I may have drank more in this last week than in the last 6 months. At home I tend not to drink as I need my wits about me since hubs has the skin issues.  He drinks to sleep and I'm worried that at any moment I'll have to drive to the hospital or someplace. So I nee a clear head. Which is why I may be letting go a bit more. I also know my friend will keep an eye on me and let me know if I'm turning into a total fool.  So far so good. :-)  I am in a bit discomfort this morning as my leg still hurts from the other day and my chest is a bit congested. Nothing serious but it's making me have trouble breathing do I am walking badly and stopping even more than usual.  He is taking it in stride and I love him for it. Today won't be too much walking and I'm grateful  for the reprieve. Tomorrow is a boat ride or a open your bus. I'm meeting up with another friend. I met her earlier this week for lunch in Milton Keynes. Will be a nice day. Then I'm off to Heathrow early Thursday morning. I don't want to go back. Lol. Plus I am so sad that I won't see my friend before I leave. Damn tears (again!!) they start when I thonknkf this. - yes I know. Don't think of it. Haha simple right? Yeah - no. Not for me. This trip has made me aware of so many things. Things that need to be worked on. Me for starters. I'm in pain. Not going to lie. But my resolve is stronger than ever. My hubs and I need to have a proper sit down. I need to improve my life. Steps at a time of course but I've allowed myself to let things slide. I love my hubs to pieces but we need to iron things out. My friend and his family, well, I love them. Those kids are wonderful. Talented too.  His wife is lovely and I'm sure happy to get her home back. Haha. I was made to feel at home the moment I crossed the threshold. She even cut my hair for me. Wow!! I was treated as family and also like a queen.
     My friend well hell, I love him to the moon and back. I wish nothing but the best of everything for him. He deserves it and if I've told him this once I've told him ad nausium how much I treadure our friendship. So now I've downed my last but of Earl Grey. And am headed outside.  I will be back shortly though to take a nice cleansing and relaxing bath before this afternoon. So until next time. Ciao For Now

Next Stop London

I'm excited, looking forward to it. But also sad, soppy. And already missing these people.  More tomorrow. Ciao for now

Paris Day 1 Just a quickie

     What can I say PARIS!! Tonight I am sitting on the balcony of my hotel room on Rue Pappion. Interestingly I know this means Butterfly street. I am, at this moment just so overcome with emotions. Today I was up at 5am. We met up with lovely people and then we took the Eurostar to France. We had 2 bottles of fizz and sandwiches. How interesting to have an international section but whoot whoot I now have another stamp in my passport. Was awesome to meet my friends sister at the train early this morning. Will see her later this week. Beautiful woman and huge boobs that I am envious of lmao.
     We all know I'm shirt and round. Today I walked so much. This is a good thing. I must press on but oh my god. My legs were killing me. These people I am with. These amazing people are taking it in stride. I'm both proud of myself and embarrassed both at this walking and having to cab it.
     Paris is amazing. We went by the Moulaun Rouge (spelt wrong I'm sure)  and so many sex shops.  I saw a few things I really liked. Hey a new toy maybe? I like toys. Lol
We got on a tour bus from there. Drive the city and when it ended we went to The Buddha Bar. What an amazing place. Wonderful atmosphere and drinks. On the way there had a nice chat with my friend as he and I took the cab. He's a wonderful man, he mentioned things to me and it's so warming to know that our friendship is one of honesty and trust. Such a rare occurrence these days. I mean here is a man who I know was genuinely concerned when I hit personal snag. He has always encouraged me to do better but in a way to let me know I'm fine but it would not be a bad thing to refine myself at the same time? Understand that? Okay if not. We do.  I have a lifelong friend that I connect with and that's just a blessing. I'm looking at the room light coming from his and his wife's hotel room right now. We share a balcony. Oh yes. I am looking out at ancient buildings that have balconied and window boxes. You can picture the old days in your head. There's a feeling about Paris that can't be explained. Only experienced. Tonight we found a lovely Italian restaurant with superb food and a hands on chef who was a delight. I got drunk. Are amazing risotto. Had lots of laughs and this brings me to the start. Sitting looking out. Starting up at the sky. Once again I'm weeping again as I thank The Mother Goddess for bringing these people into my life. I'm silly I'm soppy and getting sleepy. So I'll say good night and ciao for now.

England - I Have arrived.

     Arrived at Hesthrow this morning. Flight had a bit of turbulence but was fast. Good tailwinds. So I know know what it's like going through TSA security and customs. Not bad really. I will say Hesthrow is huge. My friend picked me up at the airport. All was smooth sailing until I couldn't find my suitcase. Finally did but not after I had a mini freak out. I was taken to Starbucks for a much needed caffeine jolt and then we got to his home where I met the family. They are the warmest, sweetest most welcoming group I've met in a long time. I can't thank them enough for all they are doing for me. I'm getting a bit weepy right now. These fabulous people are not only showing me this beautiful land but they are taking me to Paris. FRANCE!! OMG!!!  I will never be able to repay theses kindnesses , and just want them to know that now, that I've finally met those who up until this time were only faces on  Skype and FaceTime , that they are wonderful and I love them. Forget Buckingham Palace in the one being treated like a queen. My friend works hard and plays hard and has the biggest heart. Anyone ever try to hurt these people I will go after them and I mean that.
     I got to play with my friends sons snake.  Gorgeous oh and Oscar the family pooch is just soooooo fookin cute. Cuddle monkey he is.
     I met up with other family today as well. Mom and dad and brother and sister of my friends wife. Oh and the two nieces as well. They are precious little girls with huge lovely eyes. Was a lovely afternoon and u had pork pie for the first time as well as my first parsnip. I thought I had had one before and didn't like it but I was wrong. This was lovely. I couldn't finish dinner and I wa s saddened by this as it was delicious. Roasted chicken with a yummy gravy and veg and afire mentioned parsnip and Brussels. Then Banoffe pie for afters. I waddled off to bed tonight but not before a Sazerac nightcap. Was really good and OMG the liquor cabinet was a thing of beauty indeed. Can't wait to sample some of my friends concoctions later this week. I will be back in a few days with more. My heart is so full of love for these people and awe at the things they are giving me. Beautiful family and not because of the trip or sightseeing but simply by their character and if all we did was just stay home. I would be just as thrilled with my trip. In the local vernacular I am chuffed to bits. Ciao for now peeps.

I Should Be Asleep

     But I'm not! I'm not sleepy really and I'm kind of hoping that by being up now, I will be able to sleep on the plane. Yes boys and girls the day is here, I leave for England this evening. I'm arriving there at about half 7 Sunday morning. My friend is picking me up and I have a sneaking suspicion that his youngest will be with him. I can not wait to give her huge hugs. Gorgeous girl, all his children are beautiful.
     I packed my bag last night, just a few odds and ends to go in this morning. It's a bit surreal to be sure. I'm both excited beyond belief and calm at the same time. Of course my tooth chipped sometime between 10 and 4 this morning. The back part and although it's not bad I can feel it. And I have a pimple on my girl parts. I had a Brazilian done so perhaps an ingrown hair? Joy- LMAO but it's not going to take away from my trip. We are all adults here and understand that we are not airbrushed to perfection.
  Hubs is sound asleep and I'm debating on going in for cuddles before the alarm goes off  in roughly an hour and a half . I'm going to miss him so much. It's hard right now, me being the only one working, we will get by, I know I this.
    My mind is over active but all is done, work this week was hell so I need this vacation lol I'll post more later this week. Stay cool peeps and ciao for now. Cheerio! Hehe

4 More Sleeps

     Okay yes I am getting excited, hehe, soon I will be on the other side of the Atlantic.  I'm loving that fact that I even got a free duffel bag that has owls on it. Wasn't expecting it but was nice. Peeps I had to say I did something I've wanted to do for awhile but always felt I was too fat. Well I've lost weight so today I went to get a professional waxing down. I'm talking full Brazilian and legs. She was wonderful. I was a quite relaxed despite the fact that my girl junk was hanging out on the table. She and I were chatting about pain tolerance. Mines decent, I mean sitting 4.5 hours getting some ink can be painful but I didn't  think this waxing was bad at all. She was quick, and knew her stuff. I was very impressed. I love it and I really had no "fat" issues either. I'm so over being embarrassed by how I look. Not that I was, but I was obsessing over meeting all these wonderful people in England. I'm so dumb sometimes, I'm fine. I will be fine. We are going to have a blast. I admit I would like to chat with my friend now. It just seems odd not to have seen him in NY. This makes twice now. So close BUT I am going to see him Sunday. I said I'd like to not must, I'm not that possessive. I know I am over zealous  with friends sometimes but I'm not stupid. I like to share things.  Another dear friend, well she has gone above & beyond. She has loaned me things to take and I can't thank her enough for her kindness. yes you guys know who you are. Love you both and I want you to all the best ever.    Tomorrow is my mani/pedi. God I sound like such a primadonna. Lmao I just like to be well groomed.  Just chilling with hubs tonight. He's being so sweet and picking me up slippers tomorrow.  Although I love being barefoot. Dad keeps telling me to text him when I get there. I said Dad it will be 3in the morning. He then said call later then. Lol. I hope I can sleep on the plane.  Perhaps, an allergy pill and a few cocktails will put me out.  Hehehe. Well I need to get to bed so I'll say goodnight. And ciao for now.

I'm just drained.

 Busy day, not much going on. Forgot my wallet at home - brilliant I know. Lol I'll be back in a few days peeps. Headed to NY this weekend. I'll be back Sunday night , so have funky weekend
Ciao For Now. :-)

17 Years

     Yep, it was 17 years ago today that my Mother died. Yes I'm sad, I'm weepy but I'm also happy. Happy that I had such a wonderful woman to call Mom. It's quiet in the house this early morning (1:24am to be exact). I am alone with my thoughts of her.  Like a blanket they warm me, but from the inside out. So I guess it's not really like a blanket. More like a hot flash! Maybe it is an actual hot flash, OMG!  Getting backto Mom. She was one hell of a woman boy! I tell ya, she spoke her mind. Never worried what others thought of her, and also never cared if she had lots of friends. Mainly because she knew she had the right ones. She always taught me to be nice to everyone but it was better to have a small circle of true friends, than have an address book of Christmas card friends. Took me awhile, into my mid  20's to realize what she meant. So true. I got hurt a lot back then. I gave so much and was surprised I didn't get the same back. I'm smarter now. My friends are the ones I trust. It's a handful, no where near what it once was. Oh I'm still nice to people, I genuinely like people, but my trust is given to special people. I think they know who they are. You all should, you're the ones I annoy all the time. LMAO
     Mom and I loved houses. Looking at them, decorating them in our heads. To this day when I look at a house or apartment, my first thought is - where will I put the Christmas tree? Pure and simple, my mothers exact thought. She comes through to me in odd ways, but always welcome. I'll cook one of her recipes and hear her words in my head, I'll see pictures of something she used and think of her. I still she the ghosts of the past when I visit my Dad. She still inhabits the home. I can tell you stories, going back to when I was very young. Things she said or did. She could be a bit raunchy at times. Once they older people were all in the dining room laughing, they were talking about some family member (a cousin of mine, Italians have lots of cousins) she had just gotten married and my mom said they didn't use candles in their bedroom. Just a string of lights shaped like cherries. Everyone laughed and I remember thinking why is that funny. When I got older I realized mom was making a joke about her being a virgin on her wedding night. Really now mom, naughty naughty! Haha or when I got old enough to realize why her underpants were wadded up under her pillow in the morning when I would get the sheets for the washing. Oh god, my parents were still doing it! They were like 40!!! Yeah not so shocking an age now. Ah time heals wounds they say, well it also brings clarity. I have to laugh, mom was a woman. With women's needs and wants. You go mom. ;-)
     She was fiercely independent as well. Took no shit. She could take it as good as she gave it too.
I could bore you to tears talking about her. I won't though as I'm going to go to sleep now and dream of her. Love them while they are here peeps. Because one day they will be gone and live only in your memory - but also in your hearts.  Ciao For Now

Not optimum

Feel queezy. Stomachs all topsy turvy. No blog tonight peeps ciao for now.

The Moment You Realize - Almost Here

     I feel calm tonight and well that concerns me. Lmao. Today I woke up way too early. I know the clocks turned back and hour, but even so I've been tired today. Got stuff done but here it is, just after 10pm and I'm settled in bed. Propped up watching a show on vintage cakes and sweets. Just what I need - right? I am a vintage junkie. It's gotten more so as I get older. Maybe it's just that I'm more vintage HAHA.
      OMG two weeks from now I will be in England. I'm really getting excited now. Another lady I know wants to we me maybe that Tuesday before I leave. She's got lots going on and so I told her let me know. Will be nice to have some drinks and a bite out.  Now one place I do want to go and Ive bugged my friend to take me to Platau. He graciously is going to. I am over the top of how sweet he and his family are being for me. I can't wait. Squeal. Lol.
      Well peeps. I'm content. I love my friends here and across the pond. Im blessed. I am saying ciao for now and have a funky week ahead.

Soppy Sausage

Just watched an episode of Bones. It was one with Booths grandpa. Long story short, I'm crying. Made me think of my mom. Really missing Her now. Prosecco drunk, perhaps this explains it. Lol

In The Still Of The Night

      I know another song title. Lol didn't plan it but it's almost 1am & I should be asleep. Not tired although I'm sure I will be asleep soon after I'm done here. I just feel compelled to spill my heart out. Or my guts, whichever is messy. Lol
     I was talking with an old friend yesterday, my oldest friend. Met him when I was about 18 months old and he was almost 5. Mike is the brother I never had. Sure we dated when I hit the late teen years, fogged up many a car window at Alley Pond Park but  we are much better friends. We haven't seen each other in a few years but we caught up on the phone. I never realized he laughs just like my dad does. A Queens NY laugh maybe? Lol  Speaking with him brought usual nostalgia but tonight I'm thinking back on more like the last 10 years or so. I met my hubby when I was at my heaviest, I lost weight before my wedding and my gown still had to be let out. Largest size David's Bridal carried. Today it's so big on me but I digress. Like I said I lost weight but after getting married, my mom got I'll and I didn't care about me, just work and came home. Enjoyed making and eating full big meals for my husband (still do but smarter choices now -usually lol) so I gained wright again, more after mom passed away. Not sure why, guilt of not being a better daughter, anger at her leaving, fear she wouldn't be there to help me. Got upset I couldn't conceive but that's a different tale. Anyway----I didn't see the scale moving up. And up it went. Dear friends I will be blunt. I got huge. I made the scale say ouch. I know it. I wasn't happy but dud nothing about it. Hubs loved me.  We moved and I hot worse. Hated being here, no one around to hang out with. But slowly I hot a job and met people. Got better but still not watching my weight. Then one day around 2005, when I was at my lowest. I decided enough was enough.  Talked life through with hubs, he still loved me and I him, so all good there. Had a new job, better than old one, good there too. Then stepped on the scale and almost died. I broke into tears. It said, gulp, over 300 pounds! And I don't mean 3 pounds over, I mean over. At 5feet tall I was a sphere. So I started to lose weight. For some time now I've list weight and gained some back alwAys centering around that 300 mark . Tonight I'm thinking of me at my heaviest and me now. I always wanted to lose100 pounds, as of tonight when I weighed in I have. I'm surprised, happy and embarrassed by this. Looking at me you would tell me I need to lose another 100 pounds. You would be right if I wNted to weigh under what I should but I do still need to lies another 60 or so. I'm ashamed at myself that I didn't do this sooner and also that I weaken at sweets and carbs. These delicious evils make be out of breath when I walk, and does not allow me to ride roller coasters. I'm better on walking not where I wNted to be but better. Roller coasters are a hope for next season. I have been blessed by friends who loom past my outer shell.
      Now I've 2 weeks to go before I get my ass on a plane. It's been 12 years since I've flown, I have no idea how I will fit. I'm not looking forward to the look I'm going to get from the passengers next to me. Oddest thing is I'm slimmer now then when I got married. . But people don't know that.  I wanted to WOW the friends over in England, and it's all me I know. They tease and joke but they are a great group. You see I look at the world with fat eyes. I know I'm pretty, but I wanted to be the most pretty ever. Men you may not get that, perhaps it's a silly female thing. So yes I am beyond excited to go to England, it's a dream come true for me. I just wish I had been a bit more diligent and perhaps another 20 lbs lighter. I'm not so I'm going to keep at this. It's been a long long struggle but having the love and support of family and my dear friends I'll get there.
       Just forgive me if I say dumb things or act weird sometimes. My female friends I will always be jealous of your hair and independence , my male friends I will always be a bit possessive of you. I do not do any of this out of malice it's just that you are all so special and I love you and I'm very protective of those I love. I want to guard and make sure I'm always a part of what's going on, because , hey, you matter so much. I've learned to back off and chill. It's almost as hard as losing weight for me.  Be gentle, please tell me if I'm too much. I understand and take no offense as I don't even realize some of the shit I do.
     So I think I may finally go to sleep, yep you're all thinking what the hell did she go on about. Lol I know. Love you. Ciao For Now

Reflections Of.....The Way Life Used To Be

     Yeah, I admit it, I sang that line. Lol. Sitting here thinking about a call I had from a very nice man this morning. He had me laughing as he talked about how great his childhood was and kids now a days will never know the joy of drinking from a garden hose. Funny thing was he kept on saying that he knew he sounded funny but I should ask my parents, that they would agree. I said I know what he means then he said something that made me realize he thought I was about 24 or so. 24? Me? Do I sound that young? I don't think so. Lmao was nice though, and for the record, I drank from the hose many a summers day.
     God knows I sure as hell don't look 24, not with these wrinkles as of late. Oh I'm not crying of how I have wrinkles. It's the price of getting older. They're not terrible, but oh hell the bags under my eyes lately have been bad. Not feeling optimum so they are darker and seem more pronounced, but in hoping they get better as I do. Plus a new bed would help but perhaps a week and a half in good English air and good bed will help. Wonder if I'll wake up one morning and there will be a snake in the bed. I love them and looking forward to seeing them. I also am looking forward to meeting the King pup of the home. He's so adorable, I want to give him such cuddles, kisses all over. Hahaha
      I'm concerned still about all my walking. I'm walking better but no where near where I think I should be. It's treadmill Sprint time right now, although I'm sure I'll be walking slow looking at every little thing I see. Lol oh man I don't want to shame anyone much less me. Just a little fear, not going to obsess on it. Can't wait to window shop, have a spa day with the girls, although I'm thinking it will be at home and not a spa as they are under 16. That's cool though, more laughs maybe we girls can get the menfolk to enjoy a facial scrub as well. :-)  oh I want pictures. Lmao
      I'm just chatting right now, so I'm going to get going, plus the show Castle is about to come on. Hehe love this show. Hubs and I watch it together every week. Bit of us time we always count on. Tea, show, nighttime routine then bed. Boring? Maybe, but I find comfort in it. So until next time, Ciao For Now.