Alive And Well (getting there at least)

    Its been a rough 5 days peeps, got hit with a bad sinus infection. Thought it was just a migraine at first, which is bad enough, but nope I do nothing half assed! So I am at work now finally and I'm trying not to cough as that send a searing pain through my head.
    It fucking ecos in here lately, there are less and less people here. My last week next Friday and the few stragglers will be the following week.  I'm surprised Im still here. I'm doing emails (all caught up) and going over the ticket the India team are doing.  I hold nothing against these folks, they are just trying to work. My anger is at my company, they are going for the cheap option and I really have no clue of the future they have. I don't see it lasting long,  The merger of the new company is producing a brand new company and Im sure those in the other company have people going through the same thing I am. Like I said many times I wanted to leave on my terms, twas a nice idea LOL
Ive also been ill more lately, my immune system is shot methinks from all the stress. new financial issues, thankfully my angels are near to me.
    Im clearing out my emails as I'd gotten lax in this and as I go through the names and groups the issues come flying back to me. Much help was given and some thanks given in return. A lot from one employee who i do remeber well as they were trouble, several like that LOL But other emails that make you smile and get sentimental. Sincere thanks and kudos from employees that cc'd your manager and that's what customer service is about right?  Ive done this for over 25 years in so many different variation which is why Im looking in different departments now as well as this one. We shall see what comes up.  The real issue with customer service is that you aren't trained in any one thing, you are trained in a little of everything. So i know expense and travel, I know payroll, I know compliance and of course I know HR (my baby for 9 years)  I also know the working how how an envelope is made (no joke) and the shipping and marketing for an ice tea product who's company I worked in corporate for.  So I can handle most things, learn most anything, but how do you get people to see that, when you can't show them a masters degree or at least a bachelor's. Ive had more than one person tell me i could never do what yu do, you have to know so much as well as be a therapist  LOL Well the pay scale for jobs like these don't show it and here I am middle aged, not that that matters as I neither look nor feel it. Although I feel more a pensioner at the moment  LOL So here I  am feeling quite emotional  LOL  in the words of a dear friend  Soppy Cow i am  
Ciao for now peeps

You Know When...

...you think things are bad and then BAM!!! they gets worse?  I'm being dramatic, as its not worse, it's more a lateral chaos.  So now instead of having the new India employees watch me as i share my screen on skype they are now sharing theirs. We have been taking training turns with the latest 5 newbies and I had them two days ago, the girl today is getting the same issues with then as I did so at least I know it isn't just me. LOL   They now have access and we all feel they should sit with the people who got access last week and are taking calls all week now You learn better that way, that's how we do it here. You shadow someone to see what they do and you can hear the calls yourself.
Ive trained so many people this way, it works well.  ANyway, now I am reviewing their tickets and marking errors and having them fix them. Plus I am on skype to answer all their questions as they speak to the people calling in. No lie, I had 4 of the India people skyping me with questions all at once it got a bit hectic. Whats frustrating is that you tell them the steps as well as our other people training them have and yet they do not do them.  We cant see if they are taking notes or what, but they are asking questions we know we all went over many many times.  ANYWAY!!!! its over on the 7th  Mixed emotions there for sure    I have drank so much tea Im getting good exercise just getting up to go wee so much  LOL

I got the new fit bit as the other died and even added a new band to it so it is silver. It looks even more like a watch now  :-D   I have been being bad, as I mentioned but i need to ground & center myself and get back on track. Im not being weak, I'm being apathetic which is really bad.  So butter my butt and call me a biscuit Im going to be good again.  I'm still just as pretty though LMAO

So ciao for now peeps just wanted to say hi as I sip my Yorkie Gold tea and take a moment away from the crazy that is my office :-)


ADDING THIS:

I am really agitated and I can't even say it to whom I'm upset with. UGH!!!!!  Don't you hate that? And that makes you even more agitated. lol  Venting helps  :-D

First in many months

     I've been keeping a stiff upper lip about losing my job. My mind says hey do what you must but Friday at work the first wave so to speak left. I said goodbye to 6 people iced worked with, laughed with for years. The office was strangely quiet after they left. I am sad. I am mad, I am scared.
     I've been dieting for months and doing really well. But I've been stressed. I get these bouts of tears at night.  I have been taking my Valium to actually get a full nights sleep.  I can't smoke a bowl as I will need to be taking a drugs test. Although I don't consider herb any more crazy than liquor. Not even as bad. BUT it is what it is. Now tonight hubs and I are relaxing and I was like fuck it. We've drank some beers and laughed. Now beer doesn't get me drunk, Guinness treats me nice,  but beer, unless it's a good beer like Killians or Peroni, takes me at least a 6 pack to get a buzz. Now thesis PBR, a classic but what I like to call pee beer.  It's what you drank in the garage at 15, before you found Heineken lol. But I had 3 and I've not had any alcohol, so I'm buzzed. Maybe because it is cheap beer it's hitting me. My bet is on the not having anything alcoholic but I'm enjoying this feeling. It's hot in here, it's raining so it's humid. But I put the fan on.  I got some fuckin killer burps out too. I'm talking epic!
     I'm listening to Chuck Berry, he died today. Damn shame but he was 90. He was married to the same woman and seems like his life was good. May he RIP
     Did I tell you, we watched Sausage Party. Holy shit!! I was crying, it was laugh out loud funny. The ending, omfg!! Watch it.  
I'm off for now but hope you're weekend is going great, ciao for  now

Happy St. Patrick's Day

This is a day of mixed feelings for me. When I was young I loved it, Im half irish (dad's side) so I celebrated my Celtic heritage -  I still am drawn to it but now I also follow the old ways. The nature based Celtic religion, call it Wicca, call it Witch , call it pagan. I find it comforting and I personally do not like organized religion.  (sorry tangent)
But ST.Patrick drove the "snakes" out of ireland.  Um they don't have snakes per say. They were referring to the Druids. This makes me angry.  Preach your religion but don't demand I follow it. So for me today is a celebration of my heritage and not necessarily St.Patrick.  Oddly enough my Dad's dad was born on this day as was my Sis' mom.  So thats good reason to celebrate the day

So I wish you all Luck, and Love and something good to drink and eat.

So what does an Irish lass as herself eat for lunch on St. Paddy's day? Why sushi of course HEHE
Today it is Unagi (eel)with avocado and a trade with a co worker for a few shrimp with avocado :-)
There were leftovers,  so I gave them to my co-worker to finish, he got another 5 pieces of mine  lol

So Ciao for now peeps, until next time

Palette Of Life

Blank canvas - she reaches for her brush
what to paint, she wants to paint what she feels
reaches for yellow, such a happy color but she chooses the darker shade 
still yellow but not as pure
life has dulled a bit
maybe a little more bleach in her life
get rid of the roadblocks and bugs 

Perhaps a little blue now
oh yes a rich deep blue
color of oceans 
color of sadness
color of calm
feeling all at once can make you feel crazy

Red is the next
passion, anger, blood
blood spilled in anger 
blood appearing in passion
carnage all around
controlled chaos 
ruby red liquid in a glass

Lets go green now
save the planet, save ourselves 
lush grass under bare feet
smell of summer, smell of earth
in the sky green shows storms coming
going from lush to lost
in one small plot of grass

and after the storm 
Look
a rainbow
all the pretty colors
she looks at her canvas
she sees them all there
each one holding meaning
holding her truths
holding her fears 
holding her down

Slowly she reaches for the brush
pure white is the choice 
time to redo
remove
rebuild 
restart
and 
remember
It can all begin over
she walks away and on her canvas 
no longer blank 
is one word

FORGIVENESS

A Huge Thanks

I know there are a few of you who read my blog quite often. Is it to see into my weird thoughts, interesting tales or simply to see how many words I spell incorrectly?   The latter I'm betting. Lmao Well no matter what the reason, I want to say THANK YOU  I truly appreciate it.  You matter quite a lot to me.  It's quarter to one in the morning and I can't sleep so I just wanted to let you all know.  About the thankful thing, not the lack of sleeping part.  -_-
Ciao For Now peeps

By All Accounts

     In my life I think I've lost about 160 pounds. I've been living on and off for probably 17 years. Oddly I've never gained back my original loss of 45 pounds way back in 1997, which for those of you who know me, can realize - I'm a large unit. So I've lost weight and gained some back, in doing this several times I've lost my tits mainly.  So not fair, that when I gain it back, it never goes back to them.  I must stay on track this time, if for the sake of the girls.  Like I've told my friend, they are starting to look like two empty wallets.  I've been rather sick. Got that flu like bug that so many are getting. I've gained almost 2 pounds. Had soup with crackers and not eating right.  Yesterday for the first time I made a roast. Felt good to cook. Poor hubs was playing nursemaid, now he's feeling poorly. I have cottage cheese and strawberries for my snack tomorrow, protein shake for breakfast then salad with some avocado for lunch. Dinner is leftover roast with some form of veg. Thinking brussells. Very healthy day, and as you can see, quite filling. It's coming in at about 725 calories.  My fitness pal wants me at 1200, my doctor says at least 1000 but agrees with 1200. Maybe 2 veg, I love asparagus so I may have that too. That's a sampling of food, I do sometimes crave the goodies. Especially these past few days. When I'm sick, I want comfort food. (That's if it's not intestinal) Lol.  

I'm actually a very lucky woman. I have a stent, so life has been forgiving to me, in the fact that I'm here. My stent was a surprise. My Doctor told me that if I needed one, it's in a good place, away from my heart.  It's a family thing, my mom, my uncle and my cousins all have heart issues. So why am I so stupid in the fact I let myself go? Dr said it has more to do with family history than body size. Maybe, but why tempt fate? So I'm down 57 pounds now, ( well 55 again) & have always to go but it's a fine start. So here's to us all who are watching what we eat. 

      Another issue and it kind of goes hand in hand, is I  will be needing to interview for a new job shortly.  As I mentioned a few times, I will no longer be at my company, as my position is being outsourced. So I'll be interviewing, and I really hate the little glances you get when your fat. They think you don't notice, but you do. Newsflash. I feel more comfortable interviewing with an older person to be honest. Those younger women, you know,  the ones who have ankles, tend to judge you a bit harsher. Look, I did my stint wearing 3 or 4" heels to work back in the day, now I go for the 2.5" or kitten heels when I interview.  I still look good, hair and make up in place but gods, hearing all the thanks but no thanks, it gets to you. I am taking a little time to sort myself out. Visit NYC for a solid week or little more. Do a few things in my own home that need more than a weekends attention. Of course, I am applying for unemployment. So it should be fine for a few months. But I'd like to be set in a position by summertime. So fingers crossed and all good wishes appreciated. 

     Well, it's half 10 and I'm going to go shower so all I need to do in the morning is wash my hair. I must get to work. Gave to go train my replacements. Fuckin A!! So until next time - ciao for now. 

 

Well....

BOLLOCKS - TWATWAFFLE - CUNT - MOFO 
So hows your day ? LOL   

Actually just getting out a little frustration. I'm actually really good today. Today is Theodor Seuss Geisel's birthday AKA Dr, Seuss.  So may wonderful stories and quotes that we all grew up and learned from. I love his works and one of my favorite quotes is :Why Blend In When You Were meant To Stand Out"    
Just a great validation to read to yourself every day as we often forget that we all have something to bring to the table. 

So that's it for today, remember this quote and have a fab day 
Ciao For Now :-) 

Ash Wednesday (or the day after gluttony day lol)

    Yep, yesterday was Fat Tuesday, Pancake Tuesday if you'd rather. People all over are eating pancakes and having King cakes and trying not the eat the plastic baby inside them. LOL  My favorite is the masks.  I adore them, The ornate carnival masks and the sexy lace ones, be still my heart! I will get to New Orleans one day and shake my boobs to get some beads, one day!!  LOL
    So now the good catholics of the world are waking up with headaches and a touch of regret for the indulgences of the night as they head into work bleary eyed. I myself am fine  lmao. I am , as my hubby says , a recovering catholic. I've been pagan for about 30 years, I went back to the old Celtic religion and have never looked back.
    I went to Catholic school for 12 years, which explains a lot!! HAHAHA   And this day is one that I always hated! I didn't like being "marked"  Says the girl with 12 tattoos  (smirk)  Thing is some of the priests were just over zealous and I swear even with soap and water it felt that the ashes never came off.  I wore bangs during grades 1 - 8 for just this reason. Then sometimes if there were too many ashes they would fall into your eyes during the day.  Ugh I just hated it. This is funny though and fairly accurate

So Im here at work and we are training all the replacements and although they are very nice I can't help being annoyed that I have to do this. Does this make me a bad person?   That's why I haven't been on much, every day its been so draining, I get home and I just want to sleep. Its not even physical tired just mentally draining!! And that hurts!! ;-)

So I just wanted to say hi and I'll be back peeps  so until then ciao for now